Zoyenera Kuchita Pamene Mukumva Kuti Mwasokonekera Paubwenzi

Ukuona ngati wadzitaya pachibwezi? Ukhoza kukhala wosungulumwa kwenikweni. Mtsikana wina wazaka 27 dzina lake Anna, yemwe wakhala m’chibwenzi kwa zaka 5, anati: “Kwa chaka chimodzi tsopano ndakhala ndikudzimva choncho ndipo palibe amene amamvetsa mmene ndimakhalira ndekha komanso chifukwa chake sindimadziona ngati ndili pa chibwenzi.

Nthawi zina amadziona kuti alibe chiyembekezo chifukwa amakhala yekhayekha. Ngati muli m'malo ofanana muubwenzi wanu, kumvetsetsa zomwe mukumva kutayika muubwenzi kungakuthandizeni kuthana ndi vutoli ndikupeza njira yotulukiramo, kaya ndi mnzanu kapena nokha.

Kuti muchite izi, m'nkhaniyi, katswiri wa zamaganizo wodziwa zoopsa Anushtha Mishra (M.Sc. Counseling Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka chithandizo chazovuta monga kupwetekedwa mtima, nkhani za ubale, kuvutika maganizo, nkhawa, chisoni, ndi kusungulumwa pakati pa ena, akulemba kuti akuthandizeni kumvetsa bwino zomwe kutaya omwe muli nawo paubwenzi kumamveka, pamodzi ndi zizindikiro zomwe mwadzitaya nokha komanso njira yopezeranso chibwenzi.

Kodi Kudzimva Kuti Watayika Mu Ubale Kumatanthauza Chiyani?

Mwachidule, kudzimva wotayika pachibwenzi ndi pamene mukumva ngati mukutaya mtima komanso kudzitaya pa ubwenzi, osatha kulekanitsa umunthu wanu ndi udindo wanu monga bwenzi lachikondi. Muubwenzi, nthawi zonse pamakhala chosowa kapena chikhumbo chofuna kudzimva kuti ndife ovomerezeka komanso okondedwa monga ife.

Kuti tikwaniritse izi ndi kusunga mgwirizano, nthawi zina timakonda kusiya mbali zathu. Pokhapokha ngati sitisamala za kudzisungira tokha, chizoloŵezi chimenechi chingatipangitse kudzitaya tokha m’kukonda munthu wina.

Selena Gomez mu nyimbo yake yotchuka, Lose you to love me, akuti, "Ndinakuyika iwe poyamba ndipo umaikonda, kuyatsa nkhalango yanga, ndikuyisiya." Izi ndi momwe kudzitaya mu ubale kumawonekera. Inu amalola nkhalango wanu kuwotcha kukula mnzako munda.

Mwa kuyankhula kwina, kudzimva kuti watayika muubwenzi kungatanthauze:

• Ndinu osamala komanso odzipereka paubwenzi kotero kuti simukudziwa kuti ndinu ndani
• Mumadzimva kukhala osungulumwa muubwenzi chifukwa chotaya kudzikonda kwanu, komanso kudziwika kwanu
• Moyo wanu sukhala wathunthu popanda wokondedwa wanu

Mumadziwa Bwanji Ngati Mwadzitaya Nokha Mu Ubwenzi?

Mutha kuzindikira kuti mwasokonekera muubwenzi pokumbukira momwe mumalankhulirana ndikulimbikitsana malingaliro anu. Izi zingakuuzeni zambiri za ubale wanu komanso momwe mukuuyendera. Kupatula apo, pali zizindikiro zomwe mungayang'ane kuti mumvetsetse ngati mwasokonekera muubwenzi wanu:

1. Chilichonse chikukhudza wokondedwa wanu

Maubwenzi ndi njira ziwiri. Mumachitira ena okondedwa anu ndipo iwo amakuchitirani inu. Koma ngati zonse zomwe mumachita ndi za iwo kapena 'ife', ndikofunikira kuyimitsa ndikubwerera m'mbuyo kuti muwone ngati mukudzitaya paubwenziwu.

Ngati zovala zomwe mumavala ndi zomwe amakonda, mumadya ndi kumwa zomwe amasangalala nazo, ndikuchita nawo zomwe amakonda, kodi inuyo panokha muubwenziwo uli kuti? Inu, ndiye, mumayamba kudzimva kuti muli ndi udindo wonse wa chimwemwe ndi malingaliro awo.

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2. Mumathamanga pa ndandanda yawo

Tonse timasintha madongosolo athu potengera anzathu kuti tipeze nthawi yabwino limodzi, makamaka ngati ndandanda yantchito ndi yosiyana kwambiri. Komabe, izi zimachitidwa pamodzi. Ngati ndinu nokha kusintha kalendala kwa mnzanu kapena rescheduling mafoni anu kwa iwo popanda khama kuchokera mbali yawo, ndi chizindikiro kuti ndinu nokha paubwenzi.

3. Mulibe 'nthawi yanga'

Kuthera nthawi nokha ndikuyang'ana zolinga zanu ndi zokonda zanu ndi gawo lofunikira la ubale wabwino uliwonse. Zimathandiza kuonetsetsa kuti mumakulitsa umunthu wanu komanso kukula mu ubale komanso kukula limodzi ngati banja. Kukulitsa zokonda zapayekha, kukhala ndi nthawi yekha yoganiza ndi kupuma, kukhala omasuka pawekha, ndikudzipatsa malo ena kuti ukule mogwirizana ndi zomwe uli nazo ndizofunikira kwambiri kuti udzitukule.

Ngati zinthuzi zikusoweka muubwenzi wanu, ndiye kuti mukutaya yemwe muli. Zingakupangitseni kumva kuti mukuzimitsidwa popanda malo opumira nokha, ndikusiyani kukhala nokha komanso kupsinjika maganizo.

4. Ndinu nokha amene mukulolera

Kukhala paubwenzi si utawaleza ndi kuwala kwa dzuwa kapena mitundu yonse ya nyimbo ya Taylor Swift. Pali kulimbikira ndi khama lofunika kuchokera kwa onse awiri. Padzafunika kugwirizana kumbali zonse ziwiri kuti mukhale mabwenzi abwino kwa wina ndi mzake. Koma pamene ndi inu nokha amene mukulekerera, mwayi woti mudzakhala otayika muubwenzi umakwera kwambiri.

Ngati mumadzipeza kuti mwataika nthawi zambiri, kungoganiziranso zomwe mwasankha, ndipo simukupeza zomwe mukufuna, mutha kudzitaya nokha ndipo mutha kuyamba kutero. kukwiyira mnzako m'kupita kwanthawi. Ngati mukupeza kuti mukupereka mochulukira koma osalandira kalikonse, mungafune kuganizira ngati muli bwino nazo. Kupanda kutero, mungakhale osungulumwa m’banja kapena pachibwenzi.

5. Malingaliro anu salinso anu

Tonse ndife opangidwa mosiyanasiyana ndipo izi zimatitsogolera kuti tizikumana ndi dziko m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Izi zikutanthauza kuti tili ndi malingaliro athu ndi zikhulupiriro zathu zomwe timapanga mogwirizana ndi momwe timaonera moyo, zomwe ziyenera kukhala zosiyana ndi anzathu mwa njira zina. Izi zimagwira ngakhale nonse mukufanana bwanji.

Komabe, ngati mutapeza malingaliro anu onse oyambirira, malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu asintha pakapita nthawi ndipo tsopano mukuwonera chithunzithunzi cha mnzanuyo, pali mwayi waukulu kuti mukudzitaya nokha mumchitidwe wokonda kapena kugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo. Izi zikutanthauzanso zanu mgwirizano uli pamiyala.

6. Mumadalira wokondedwa wanu

Si zachilendo kufuna kuti mnzanuyo azikukondani komanso kuti azisangalala. Komabe, pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa chikhumbo chofuna kukondweretsa wokondedwa wanu ndikumverera kuti muli ndi udindo wobwerera mmbuyo kuti muwasangalatse nthawi zonse.

Ngati mulibe malire, kudziona kuti ndinu wosafunika, kusamalidwa bwino, kusadzidalira, kapena kusalankhulana bwino, mwayi wokhala paubwenzi wodalira pawokha ndi wochuluka. Muubwenzi uwu, mumataya lingaliro la kumasuka kwanu ndi chisangalalo zomwe pamapeto pake zimakupangitsani kudzitaya nokha.

Kodi Muyenera Kuchita Chiyani Ngati Mukumva Kuti Watayika Mu Ubwenzi?

Ngati nthawi ina iliyonse mukumva kuti mwadzitaya nokha, kusankhanso kuti ndinu ndani ndi lingaliro labwino. Zimakuthandizani kuwunika ngati ubale wanu uyenera kupulumutsidwa kapena ngati muyenera kudziyika nokha patsogolo ndikuchokapo. Ziribe kanthu kaya muli pafupi kunena kuti mukudzitaya nokha kapena mwadzitaya nokha, mutha kuchitapo kanthu kuti muchiritse, kudzipeza nokha, kudzipereka kukhala ndi moyo wanu komanso kupulumutsa ubale wanu ngati sunawonongeke.

Mukapeza kuti, "Sindimadzimva ngati ndili muubwenzi wanga" ndi kukhala wosungulumwa ndi kudzipatula, malangizo otsatirawa othana ndi chokumana nacho chodzimva kuti watayika muubwenzi angathandize:

1. Pangani malire anu

Gillies, LCPC m'mabuku ake pepala, Kufunika kwa malire mu maubwenzi okondana kumati, “Paubwenzi wachikondi, malirewo amathandiza kufotokoza pamene inu ndi mnzanuyo mumayambira ndi kusiya. Iye akugogomezeranso kuti malire amathandiza kuthetsa kulakwa, ponena kuti, “Ndichita zonse zomwe ndingathe kuti nditengere udindo wonse wa zimene ndili nazo.”

Mutha kupanga malire abwino by:

• Kukhala woona mtima pa zomwe mukufuna
• Kutenga udindo pazosankha zanu
• Kumvetsera zomwe wokondedwa wanu akufuna
• Kulankhulana moona mtima komanso momasuka

2. Kukhala wosungulumwa paubwenzi? Tsimikizirani malingaliro anu

Kudalira zovomerezeka zochokera kunja kungakuchititseni kukhala ndi nkhawa kapena kukhumudwa. Simungadalire ena kuti azikusangalatsani nthawi zonse. Mukachita izi, mumalola ena kukuuzani za mtengo wanu ndi kufunikira kwanu. Nanunso mumakhala osowa ndikupempha chitsimikiziro m'njira zomwe zimalepheretsa ena.

Zimatumiza uthenga kuti mulibe kudzidalira ndipo muyenera kuti akuuzeni kuti muli bwino. Pamene mukumva kuti mwatayika pachibwenzi, yesani njira izi zomwe mungadzitsimikizire nokha:

• Pozindikira zomwe mukumva ndi zomwe mukufunikira
• Landirani zosowa zanu popanda kuweruza
• Musalole malingaliro anu kukufotokozerani inu

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3. Osabweza ndalama mopambanitsa kapena kulolera mopambanitsa

Mukulimbana ndi nkhondo yotayika ngati mukuyesera kubweza ngongole kapena kunyengerera kuti muthetse malingaliro anu enieni kwa wokondedwa wanu. Nkhondo yomwe ingawonjezere mavuto anu popanga chithunzi cha kusalowerera ndale pamene, kwenikweni, mukubisa zomwe zimayambitsa. Kudzimva kuti watayika pachibwenzi? Mwina ndi chifukwa chakuti mwagwera m’chizoloŵezi chonyengerera mopambanitsa.

Funsani chithandizo chanu kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo mukapeza kuti mukuchita izi chifukwa zingakusiyeni inu ndi mnzanuyo mukumva zowawa komanso zowawa. Ku Bonobology, timapereka chithandizo chaukadaulo kudzera mwa athu gulu la alangizi ovomerezeka amene angakuthandizeni kuti muyambe njira yakuchira.

4. Pangani malo anu enieni

Malo aumwini mu chiyanjano akhoza kutanthauziridwa molakwika ngati kuchoka kwa wokondedwa wanu; komabe, ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri pa ubale wabwino ndi wathanzi. Ndi zachilendo kwa inu kudalira okondedwa wanu koma kudzitaya pa ubwenzi si koyenera ndipo akhoza kukuvulazani.

Kumanga malo anuanu mwa kupeza nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu ndi achibale anu komanso poika zofunikira zanu patsogolo kungathandize inuyo komanso ubale wanu. Mutha kuchita izi,

• Kulankhulana bwino ndi mnzanu
• Osalandira kufunsa mafunso
• Kulimbikitsa wokondedwa wanu kuti nawonso agwiritse ntchito malo awo

5. Lolani mikangano yabwino

Mikangano ndi gawo lachilendo la ubale uliwonse. Anthu amatsutsana nthawi zina ndipo sichinthu choyipa ayi. Chofunika apa n’chakuti muzilankhulana mogwira mtima komanso mwaumoyo kuti muzimvetsetsana komanso kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wolimba.

• Kuthetsa kusamvana moyenera chikhoza kukwaniritsidwa ndi
• Kuika malire
• Kufika pa gwero la nkhani yeniyeni
• Kuvomereza kusagwirizana

6. Yambani kunena AYI

Paulo Coehlo anati: “Mukayankha kuti inde kwa ena, onetsetsani kuti simukudzikana nokha. Ndimamvetsetsa kuti kudzimva wolakwa ndi manyazi kumatenga mphamvu tikamatsutsana kapena kukhumudwitsa anzathu. Koma izi zikhoza kusinthidwa ndi kusintha kwa kawonedwe, komwe kungathe kupezedwa mwa kuzindikira zolinga zathu zenizeni kumbuyo kwa kunena kuti ayi ndi kutsimikizira mkati mwathu zomwe takumana nazo.

Nthawi zonse kunena kuti inde pa chilichonse chomwe wokondedwa wanu akufunsani kapena kuyembekezera kungakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu otopa chifukwa chodzitambasula nokha. Pakhoza kukhalanso kukwiya chifukwa mnzanuyo sangathe kukwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera. Kuti musinthe, phunzirani kukana ndi kuona mmene akumvera.

Kodi Mungadzipezenso Bwanji Pambuyo Podzitaya Nokha Mu Ubwenzi?

Ukuona ngati wadzitaya pachibwezi? Simukudziwa komwe mungayambirenso kukhala pachibwenzi? Mukudabwa momwe mungabwerere mutataya chibwenzi? M'munsimu muli njira zingapo zomwe mungadzibwezeretsere muubwenzi wanu, malo omwe munadzitaya nokha:

• Yang'anani zizindikiro ndikuchitapo kanthu mwamsanga mutangoona kuti mukudzitaya nokha
• Yambani ndi kunena, "ine" ndi "Ine", m'malo mwa "ife" nthawi zonse
• Ganizirani za maloto anu ndi tsogolo lanu
• Khalani ndi nthawi yambiri ndi inu nokha
• Muzidzisamalira nokha
• Khalani otsimikiza ndi kutsatira zisankho zanu

Ndikukhulupirira kuti malangizowa akuthandizani kudziwa ngati mukumva kuti mwatayika pachibwenzi komanso choti muchite ngati mukukumana ndi izi. Izi zitha kukhala zolemetsa nthawi zina kuyenda nokha nokha ndiye chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti mufikire chithandizo chanu kapena akatswiri azamisala. Atha kukuthandizani kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe mumakumana nazo komanso angakuthandizeninso kuti mukhalenso ndi mbiri yanu.

Ibibazo

Momwe Mungadzipezerenso Mu Ubale Pamene Mukumva Kutayika

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