5 Mafuaaga ma Auala e 7 e Taulima ai le Lagona Le Le lelei mo Ia

Faalautele le alofa

E te manatu ua alu ese lau paaga mai lau liki? O e mafaufau pe aisea latou te tafao faamasani ai ia te oe? O le lagona e le lava le lelei mo ia e matua vaivai lava, pe a fai atu. E afaina ai lou soifua manuia, ma lou taua faaletagata lava ia, e fa'afefe ai oe i se vaituloto o popolega e le aunoa. E taua tele le malamalama pe aisea ua e lagona ai faapea. O se su'esu'ega vave e mafai ona iloa ai le a'a o lou fa'afitauli. O lenei mea o le a mafai ai ona e faia ni faʻafitauli ma fesoasoani ia te oe e feagai ma lagona o le le atoatoa.

O loʻo matou suʻesuʻeina faʻalavelave o le le saogalemu ma le maualalo o le taua o le tagata lava ia i feutagaiga ma le psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), o loʻo faʻapitoa i le faufautua faʻafesoʻotaʻi ma le Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. E i ai nai fesili taua i luga o le laulau ma e masani ai le tele o a tatou au faitau. Aisea e te lagona ai e te le agavaa i lau paaga? O le a le mea e fai pe a e lagona e te le o lelei mo se tasi? Ma e iai se auala e foʻia ai nei faʻalavelave? Tatou fesoasoani ia te oe e su'e tali.

Pink Boc: Why do you not feel good enough for your partner?

Laititi le taua o le tagata lava ia
Fa'afitauli o le tamaitiiti
Failed past relationships
Manipulation from your partner

5 Mafuaaga e te le lava ai se lagona lelei mo lau paaga

Lisi o Mataupu

What is the feeling of not being good enough for someone? Well, there are two facets to inadequacy.

Firstly, the individual in question places their partner on a pedestal. The partner is perceived to be flawless; their negative qualities are minimized and positive magnified.
And secondly, the individual struggles with low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. They focus on their weaknesses rather than strengths. These two combined result in a lot of stress and constant worrying in the relationship.

These two combined result in a lot of stress and constant worrying in the relationship.

“There are many factors involved when someone feels like they aren’t enough for their partner. It’s essential to investigate these feelings. The person must ask, “Why is this happening? Which experiences have led me to this juncture where I am tauivi ma le le saogalemu i le mafutaga?” Once the reason has been established, it becomes much easier to tackle the problem.”
Dr. Bhonsle

Take a look at the 5 reasons listed below – one of them might explain why you’re feeling not good enough for him or her.

1. Fa'atauva'a maualalo

The word we’re looking for is projection. There’s a solid chance that what you’re feeling has little do with your partner or something they’re doing.

“Many a time, people feel inadequate for someone when they are actually struggling with low self-esteem from within. They don’t feel good enough by themselves because of how their life has turned out in one regard or another.”
– Dr. Aman Bhosle, Relationship Counselor

Low self-esteem has a sinister quality; it spreads to all areas of your life. If a person has taken a hit at work, for instance, those feelings do not remain confined to the professional sphere only.

So trace them to their origin; think about what is causing you to experience these emotions
what you’re feeling about the relationship could have seeped in from elsewhere
Are you someone who usually struggles with low self-esteem issues?

Look in the right place and you’ll find the right answer.

2. Troubled childhood

Dr. Bhonsle says, “A wise man once said, “What’s past is prologue.” Your upbringing, your childhood, and the relationship you share with your parents are decisive influences that shape your equations as an adult.

Think about the institutions in your life – home, school, college, etc. How did they impact your self-image?
Bullying, fat-shaming, name-calling, and abuse can cause lasting damage
Ditto with toxic parents or siblings”

O se tala fa'aletonu po'o le vevesi ma so'o se matua e mafai ona fa'ailoa ai fa'alavelave i lau va'aiga o lo'o iai nei. Na tusia e se tagata faitau mai Omaha, “O aʻu o se ua afaina i le sauaina o tamaiti perpetrated by my father. For the longest time, I convinced myself that it was in the past. But each relationship that ended badly, had me wondering, “Why am I not good enough for my boyfriend?” An ex pointed out that I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage and it struck a chord with me. I decided it was time to:

And work certain things out in therapy
Address my past relationships
Toe fetuutuunai

Leai se nofoaga-pei-fale-Ditto-ma-matua-oona — E faapena foi ma matua oona

Afai e te lagona le le lelei mo ia, ia mautinoa e mafaufau i le matafaioi na faia e ou matua i lou olaga. O le faia o teuteuga ma i latou poʻo le foia o faʻafitauli o totoe o le a matua le faʻalavelaveina ai mea mo oe. Ina ia toe faaupuina se faaupuga lauiloa, o le fale o le mea lea e fai ai le fatu.

Faitauga Fesootai: O le a le Mea e te Faamoemoeina pe a e Alofa i se Alii e Maualalo le Faaaloalo ia te Oe Lava

3. Fefe i le teenaina

I le isi itu, o le fefe i le teenaina atonu o le mafuaaga lea e te lagona ai le le lava mo ia. Afai na e oo muamua i le toilalo i le alofa, o se mea masani le i ai o ni mafaufauga le lelei e pei o le "Ou te le lelei" ma o le ae mafaufau i lau paaga o se tulaga lamatia o le vaalele. E sili atu i latou nai lo oe ma o le a o ese pe a maua le avanoa.

Consequently, you might find yourself:

Savali i luga o atigi fuamoa siomia i latou
Trying to do everything right
Hoping to find no signs he thinks you’re not good enough or she thinks she is out of your league

“Fear keeps us rooted in the past. Fear of the unknown, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of not having enough, fear of not being enough, fear of the future – all these fears and more keep us trapped, repeating the same old patterns and making the same choices over and over again.”
– Debbie Ford, New York Times Bestselling Author

Your efforts toward avoiding rejection in love only serve to intensify feeling not good enough in a relationship.

4. Failed past relationship/s

E iai le malosi o le malepelepe e faasese ai la tatou vaaiga i le alofa, olaga, ma i tatou lava. O se tala fa'asolopito leaga o tafaoga faamasani e mafai ona avea ma a'a o lau mafutaga le saogalemu. O se tagata muamua na fa'aogaina, fa'amalama pe fa'aleagaina oe e mafai ona fa'atupuina lou mafaufau i se auala e so'o se mea e te faia e le lava lelei mo ia po'o se isi.

O mea na e lagona i le mafutaga talu ai e mafai ona ave i luma i lenei. Fai mai Dr. Bhonsle, “E le o faatulagaina o tatou olaga i ni vaega e le vai, o lea e masaa ai mea ma vevesi ai. Pe a fai e se paaga e te lagona le le lelei i taimi uma, o lena aafiaga e mafai ona mafua ai le fefe loloto i lou mafaufau ma faʻaauau pea ona faʻalavelave au mafutaga i le lumanaʻi. E masani ona tupu lenei mea pe a iai se tasi fa'a'ole'oleina e le la paaga; e pagatia le manatu o le tagata ia te ia lava ma faʻafuaseʻi ona tulaʻi mai mataupu faʻalagolago."

A close friend once explained the effects of being cheated on.

She blamed herself for the infidelity and the breakup for the longest time
This birthed a lot of insecurities with respect to dating
Even in her next relationship, she kept feeling not good enough for him

So, tell us, are you still carrying the weight of your history?

5. Ta'aloga i le ta'aloga

E lē o se mea atamai le faalēaogāina o le avanoa e fai ai se paaga taufaasesē. Ua tatou iloa le malosi a tauiviga malosi i se mafutaga mafai ona maua. O le mea lea, o lau 'afa sili (e le'o) atonu o lo'o taumafai e fa'amautu lo latou pule'aga e ala i le fa'aalia o lo'o latou fa'amalosia oe e ala i le tafao faamasani ma oe. Fai mai Dr. Bhonsle, “E i ai lava le avanoa e fa'amalama ai oe e lau paga. O le a latou taumafai e faʻamalosia oe e te pipii i se fua faʻatatau ma o le a e paʻu i taimi uma i nisi o faʻataʻitaʻiga, e te lagona ai e te le o lava lelei.

O le a faia ia te oe ia lagona e pei e mafai ona sili atu lou lelei i le mafutaga. O nisi o faʻailoga o manipulations o:

Leoleo faifai pea
Faʻatau
O faamatalaga le lelei
Tauemu i ou foliga vaaia faaletino
Faia e fa'atusatusa oe lava ma isi

“E faia lenei mea e tuu ai i lalo lou taua faaletagata lava ia ma e te mafaufau ai, “Aisea ua le lava ai lou lelei mo ia?” Latou te mananaʻo ia e saʻilia la latou faamaoniga faifai pea. I lenei tulaga, o lou maualalo o le tagata lava ia e faʻaosofia ma le loto i ai, ”o lana faʻaopoopo mai lea. Ave le Bonobology's Po'o fa'amalama a'u? su'ega e iloilo lelei ai lou tulaga.

O lena e aumaia ai i matou i le faaiuga o la matou vaega muamua lea na (faamoemoe) na fesoasoani ia te oe e iloa ai le mafuaaga e te lagona ai le le lava mo ia. Ua oʻo i le taimi e malamalama ai pe faʻapefea ona e foia lenei mataupu. Ua matou faʻapipiʻiina se lisi o taʻiala e 7 o le a tuʻuina atu se lima fesoasoani e manaʻomia tele.

Faʻatau Fesootai: Gaslighting I Mafutaga - 7 Tomai Fautuaga e iloa ma 5 auala e faʻauʻu ai

7 Auala e Taulima ai ma le Le lava Lagona lelei mo Ia

O le feagai ai ma le le atoatoa o se faiga faigata aua e manaʻomia ai le tele o le onosaʻi ma le tutumau. Faamolemole ia manatua o le faamalologa e le tupu i le po; e pei o so'o se faiga, e iai lona sao sa'o i luga ma lalo. Ae afai e te tumau i le ala ma galue malosi e manaʻomia, o le a le toe mafaufau i mea e pei o le "Aisea ua ou le lelei ai mo laʻu uo tama?" po o le “Aisea ou te lagona ai pea e pei ou te le lava mo ia?” O le tulafono matua lenei: o le tumau o le ki pe a e taumafai e foia faafitauli faʻalagona (faitau: ato fa'alagona.)

“There’s no template you can follow. Different things work for different people and it’s your responsibility to explore and find a path that’s compatible with who you are as a person. Don’t dismiss any suggestions right away because the effectiveness of some of these methods may take you by surprise. Keep an open mind, always.”
– Dr. Aman Bhosle, Relationship Counselor

Without further ado, let’s look at the 7 best ways of coping with not feeling good enough for him/her.

1. Su'esu'e ma iloilo

The first step is assessing the situation in its entirety. It must be done with honesty (to yourself) and objectivity and don’t compare yourself to others.

“Take stock of where you stand and do so in the light of facts, not emotions. Work with the information you have at hand and rely on hard evidence.
– Dr. Aman Bhosle, Relationship Counselor

What are your achievements? They need not be things like awards and trophies.

Maybe you read a lot
Maybe you watch good films
Perhaps you’re a great cook
Or have a knack for dressing well

Anything can be your strong suit. Think of what comprises you and how far you have come. Then find out where this self-doubt is coming from.

Why are you still asking questions like “Why am I feeling like I’m not good enough for him?”
Who or what has made you lose sight of your goodness, your value?
Is there something lacking somewhere?

If you succeed in diagnosing the area that needs change, it’s great news. This will be a great exercise in introspection. You will emerge from this practice having gained clarity about the nature of your predicament. This is one of the first things to do if you’re lagona le le talisapaiaina i le mafutaga.

2. Work on the problem

Once you know what’s missing, nothing should stop you from working on it.

Say, your low self-esteem stems from your average progress at work. You should, in that event, channel your energy toward doing your job well
Afai o lau malepelepe ma se uo is what’s causing a sense of insecurity, work on building stronger friendships

In a nutshell, refurbish whichever sphere of life you’re unhappy with.

“If you don’t take charge of things, you will morph into a clingy, overly sensitive individual who makes life difficult for themself and their partner. Slowly but surely, you’ll start taking everything personally. It’s better to tweak whatever needs tweaking and become a self-fulfilled person.”
– Dr Aman Bhosle, Relationship Counselor

E le mafai ona e sailia le faamalieina mai lau paaga poʻo se mafutaga alofa naʻo oe. E tatau ona tele atu mea o le olaga nai lo lena. O oe e nafa ma lou lava fiafia. O le tu'uina atu i lima o se isi tagata o le a e lagona ai le le lava o lou lelei i se mafutaga i taimi uma. E taua le iloa o se tagata le mautonu e amata ona vaivai e oo mai i le tafaoga faamasani.

3. Valaau atu i le au faamalosiau

Taimi o fa'alavelave (lagona) e mana'omia ai se fesoasoani fa'aopoopo. O lea la, o le a le mea e fai pe a e lagona e te le lelei mo se tasi? Toe fo'i i lau faiga lagolago lautele.

Valaʻau lau platonic soulmate i le fale ma tagi se vaitafe pe a tatau ai
Alu i le 'aiga o le afiafi ma lau vaega ma fegalegaleai
Asiasi i ou matua ma talanoa i ai e uiga i ou faafitauli, ma mafaufauga le lelei o loo e maua

Being in the company of others will make you realize how valuable these connections are. Your friends and family will give you

Talitonu faamaoni
O faitioga faufau
And truly helpful advice, instead of pointing fingers

They have the advantage of objectivity on account of being a third party.

O lo'o i ai fo'i mea e sili ona lelei mo oe. Faʻalogo i mea latou te fai mai e uiga i lau mafutaga ma faʻalogo lelei ia latou fautuaga. O le fa'a'esea o oe lava pe a e i ai i lou masalosalo po'o le lagona fa'aletonu e le o se faiga lelei. O nei tagata o le a i ai lou tua, tusa lava po o a tulaga. O lea, aua le faatuai e liliu atu ia i latou mo se fesoasoani pe a sili ona e manaʻomia.

infographic i le lagona le lelei mo ia — O le auala lenei e feagai ai ma lagona le lelei mo ia

4. Saili fesoasoani faapolofesa

Fai mai Dr. Bhonsle, “O le aapa atu i se tagata poto faapitoa i le soifua maloloina o le mafaufau e mafai ona faamaonia le aoga tele. E mafai ona latou fesoasoani ia te oe fa'afeiloa'i lenei fa'ailoga faigata i le mafutaga sologa lelei. E mafai ona e filifili mo fautuaga a le tagata lava ia ma galue mo oe lava pe mafai foi ona e alu mo ulugalii togafitiga ma lau paga. Togafitiga ose avanoa saogalemu lea e mafai ai e tagata ona fa'aalia sa'oloto. E telē se sao i le tulaga lelei o le olaga latou te ola ai.”

I Bonobology, matou te ofoina atu fesoasoani fa'apolofesa e ala i la matou vaega o faufautua laiseneina ma fomaʻi. E mafai ona latou taʻitaʻia oe i le ala i le toe faʻaleleia ma faʻaauupegaina oe i mea faʻalagona saʻo e taulimaina ai ou faʻalavelave. E mafai ona e faʻafesoʻotaʻi ma se tagata tomai faapitoa mai le mafanafana o lou fale; o le faamalologa e na o le kiliki lava. Ua matou i ai iinei mo oe a o e tauivi ma le lagona e le lava le lelei mo ia.

5. Faʻafou lau polokalama

O le uiga o la matou tala, sui lau vaaiga. Le fa'amoemoe sese ma mea oona e mautinoa lava e le o le mea lea matou te fautuaina. Ae o le tilotilo i le itu susulu e mafai ona faia mea ofoofogia. Fai mai Dr. Bhonsle, “E masani ona tatou mafaufau ia i tatou lava e tusa ai ma mea tatou te le maua. O se tioata le lelei lea ona e fa'atotonu ai o tatou fa'aletonu po'o vaivaiga. O se auala sili e fausia ai le taua o le tagata lava ia o le suia lea o le auala tatou te iloa ai ma talanoa ia i tatou lava.

“Instead of directing critical commentary like you are not good enough inwards, we can celebrate little achievements and be appreciative of the good we bring to the table. The same is applicable in the context of a relationship. It takes two people to make a connection work.

What is it that you offer?
How do you enrich your partner’s life?

Replace your old questions like “Why am I feeling like I’m not good enough for him?” and “Is she really too good for me?” and start focusing on the positives.”

Faitauga Fesootai: Ua Fautuaina e le Tagata Tomai Faapitoa ni Mafuaaga se 9 e te Lagona ai le Le Malupuipuia i Lau Sootaga

6. O le a le mea e fai pe a e lagona e te le o lelei mo se tasi? Fesootaiga, paaga

Please, and we cannot emphasize this enough, talk to your partner. No relationship problem can be resolved without open communication. If you are feeling not good enough for him or her, address the issue directly. Tell them how they can help you. Explain why you are feeling like you are not good and whether they play a role in reinforcing it or not. An honest conversation will make things so much easier for you both. Please don’t make rookie communication mistakes.

A fai e lau paaga e te lagona le le lava e ala i se ula poʻo se faʻamatalaga, ona taʻu atu lea ia i latou. Afai e te filifili e teu ia oe lava, e maualuga le avanoa e te amata ita ai i lau isi taua ona o le le puʻeina. Latou (e masani lava) o le a leai se manatu i le mea o loʻo tupu ia te oe. Na faamatala mai e Dr. Bhonsle, “E sili atu i taimi uma le taofia o lau paaga i le matasele. Ia mautinoa latou te iloa le mea e te tu ai, e tusa lava pe patino lau feteʻenaʻiga. Galulue o se 'au ma e mautinoa lava e te manumalo."

Native Banner: Dealing with insecurity

7. Pulea e le tagata lava ia

If you don’t feel good enough for yourself, then you will never feel good enough for him/her.

"O le alofa ia te oe lava o le amataga o se olaga atoa o le alofa."
– Oscar Wilde, O Se Tane Lelei

Atiina ae mausa o le alofa ia te oe lava ma le tausiga o le tagata lava ia.

Aai lelei
Faamalositino
Dedicate a few hours to doing something you love
Practice mindfulness through yoga, meditation, and journaling
Work toward accepting yourself and reaching a place of peace and contentment

FAQs

1. How do you stop thinking you’re not good enough?

E 7 ta'iala e mafai ona fesoasoani ia te oe e foia ai lagona o le le atoatoa. E te manaʻomia le iloiloina o le tulaga, tuʻu i le galue malosi i nisi vaega, saili fesoasoani faʻapitoa, faʻalagolago i lau faʻalapotopotoga lagolago lautele, fesoʻotaʻi ma lau paaga, ma faʻaleleia mausa o le alofa ia te oe lava.

2. How do you make yourself feel like you’re good enough?

O le tele o nei lagona e fa'atatau i le maualalo o le manatu o le tagata lava ia. E mana'omia lou su'esu'eina o latou tupuaga ma galue i ato fa'alagona ma pe leai fo'i se fesoasoani fa'apolofesa.

Fa'ailoga Autu

E taua tele le su'esu'eina ma alu i le puna o lou le mautonu pe afai e te lagona e te le o lelei mo lau paaga.
Fa'amuamua feso'ota'iga ma lau paaga ma galue i le fa'aleleia atili o lau va ma oe
Afai e le mafai ona e alu na o oe, o le sailia o se fesoasoani mai se tagata tomai faapitoa i le mafaufau e mafai ona fesoasoani tele.

Mafaufauga mulimuli

O mafutaga e maloloina e pei o tagata e faia. Afai o oe o lau fa'ata'ita'iga sili, o le so'otaga lua te fa'asoa ma lau paga o le a fa'aolaola e ala i le fa'aopoopoga. O lea, ia avea oe ma au uo mamae ma tausia lelei oe lava. O le ae matauina se eseesega i lau amio (ma le mafaufau) i se taimi puupuu. Le toe fa'alagolago i puna'oa mai fafo o fa'amaoniga. Le toe ita ia te ia lava. Ma e le toe i ai ni lagona o le le atoatoa.

O le a le uiga o le fai mai o se tama 'Ou te le lelei mo oe'?

Fiu I le Alofa? 8 Mafuaaga e le Tatau Ona e

O le a le Uiga pe a le amanaʻia oe e se tasi?

O lau foa'i e lē o se foa'i alofa . O le a mafai ai e Bonobology ona fa'aauau pea ona aumaia ia te oe fa'amatalaga fou ma fa'afouina i la matou sailiga e fesoasoani i so'o se tasi i le lalolagi e a'oa'o pe fa'apefea ona fai so'o se mea.