Iingcebiso ezili-18 ezithembisayo zokusinda ekunganyaniseki kubudlelwane- kulowo ungcatshayo kunye nongcatshwayo.

Ukuzama ukusinda ukungathembeki yinto yokugqibela engqondweni yakhe nabani na xa umcimbi weqabane lakhe ufunyenwe. Uninzi lufuna ukukrazula iintloko zamaqabane abo. Abambalwa banokuba yinxalenye ngakumbi ukucotha, ukutsalwa, iindlela ezidabukisayo ezifana no-Amy kwi Intombazana engekho. Kwabo bawuhlonela ngokufanelekileyo umthetho, ukwahlukana kuphela kwento enokwenziwa emva kwamava abuhlungu ngolo hlobo. Abanye abantu basenokufuna ukuziphindezela. 

Ngokuyintloko ngenxa yokuba ingqumbo, ukothuka, nokuthotywa ubani avakalelwa kukuba iqabane elingcatshiweyo akulula ukujamelana nalo. Ukuba umntu ufuna ukulibala konke kwaye uqhubeke, awukwazi ukugxeka. Kodwa nawe awunakugxeka umntu onokufuna ukucofa iqhosha elithi “Reboot” kwaye uqale ubomi obutsha. Ukuze ndiqonde ukuntsonkotha kokuphilisa umntu ongatshatanga naye, ndathetha noGqr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ojongene nokucebisa ngobudlelwane kunye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy kwaye wafumana ukuqonda okutsha kobudlelwane obunzima.

Ngaba Intlungu Yokungathembeki Ikhe Iphele?

Ukunganyaniseki kwimeko yanamhlanje akuquki nje ukuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini ngaphandle kobudlelwane kodwa ukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo, i-cybersex, ukukopela kwi-intanethi, kunye nokubukela iphonografi xa iqabane labo lingakhululekanga ngayo, ngokunjalo. Intlungu enzulu evela kukungathembeki kuzo zonke ezi meko kungenxa:

• Ukuqhathwa kunokuziva ngathi kukungcatshwa komntu omnye, kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo
• Kwakhona kunokuvelisa imvakalelo yokuba nguwe kuphela onoxanduva lokungaphumeleli kobudlelwane
• Isityhilelo sinokwenza iqabane elingcatshiweyo libuze ubunyani babo kunye nesazisi
• Ukuqhathwa kunokuchaphazela ukuzithemba komntu njengoko kucetyisiwe uphando

In uphando, kwaphawulwa ukuba ukuchacha ekunganyaniseki kusenokuthabatha ixesha elingaphezu kweenyanga ezintandathu, ukuya kutsho kwiminyaka emithathu. UGqr. Bhonsle icebisa, "Nangona iimodeli ezahlukeneyo zibonisa amaxesha ahlukeneyo okubuyisela ekungathembekeni, ukubuyiswa ngempumelelo kwintlungu yokungathembeki kuxhomekeke kakhulu kubantu abakubudlelwane kunye nobudlelwane obunamandla." Nangona kunjalo, intlungu ayinakuphela ngokupheleleyo, kodwa wena kunye neqabane lakho ninokujongana nayo ukuba nisebenza kuyo.

Ngaba Kunokwenzeka Ukusinda Ekungathembeki?

Ewe kunye no. Research ibonise ukuba uxinzelelo olunxulumene nokungathembeki lunokuvelisa iimpawu ezifana ne-PTSD. Kusenokuziva ngathi ukulahlekelwa ngumntu, ekubeni kule meko, ulahlekelwe nje kuphela iqabane, kodwa inxalenye yakho phambi kolwazi lwesiganeko. Ukugcina ubudlelwane, eyona nto iphambili luxolelo, oluxhomekeke kwezi ziguquguqukayo zilandelayo:

• Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bebusele busematyeni ngaphambi kokuba omnye wenu akhohlise omnye, mancinci amathuba okuyilungisa.
• Inqanaba eliphezulu lokuzibophelela likhokelela kwinqanaba eliphezulu lokwenzakala, ngaloo ndlela kunciphisa amathuba okuxolelwa kubudlelwane njengoko kucetyisiwe koku. uphando
• le uphando kwakhona wabonisa ukuba amathuba okusinda ukungathembeki ukwanda izibini kunye umahluko ophezulu self, oko kukuthi ukukwazi ukwahlula iingcinga iimvakalelo. Izibini ezinokwahlula okuphantsi kokuzibona zibona ukungavisisani ngokweemvakalelo kwaye kwaxelwa ukuba kunjalo ukuphuma eluthandweni emva kokungathembeki

Yeyiphi Ipesenti Yemitshato Esindayo Ekungathembekeni?

Research icebisa ukuba i-53% yezibini zokungathembeki ziye zaqhawula umtshato kwisithuba seminyaka emi-5, xa kuthelekiswa ne-23% yabantu abangathembekanga. Nangona ezi nkcukacha-manani zingavakali zinethemba kakhulu, oko kungenxa yokuba ukusabela kukungathembeki kusenokubonakala kakhulu.

Kwakhona kuxhomekeke kwindlela umntu achaza ngayo ukusinda ekungathembeki. U-Esther Perel, isazi ngengqondo esaziwayo kwihlabathi, uyachaza kwincwadi yakhe Ubume beMicimbi: Ukucinga kwakhona ukungathembeki, izibini eziye zasinda ekukrexezeni zinokuhlulwa zibe ziindidi ezintathu:

• Ababandezelekileyo: Aba ngabo bahlala kunye kodwa bekwimo eqhubekayo yokukrakra, bebandakanyeka kumdlalo ongapheliyo wokugxeka, kwaye basenokujongana nokungathembeki kwiminyaka kamva.
• Abakhi kwakhona: Amaqabane aqhubela phambili ekucinezeleni umcimbi, ngenxa nje yokuzinikela, ngaphandle kokwenza naluphi na utshintsho oluhle kubudlelwane.
• Abahloli: Ezi zizibini eziye zasinda ekunganyaniseki ngokusingatha umcimbi ngendlela enempilo, ukukhula ngokuvela kweemvakalelo, kunye nokuguqula ubudlelwane baba ngcono.

UPerel ucebisa ukuba ukuba sisibini somhloli yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokusinda kubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, umtshato awusoze ufane emva kokungathembeki, kwaye izibini ezilolu hlobo zinqabile, njengoko kucetyisiwe ngoku. uphando. Ukanti, abantu basenokukhetha ukuhlala kumtshato ongonwabanga nongenaluthando ngenxa yezizathu ezinjengokuxhomekeka ngokwemali, i impembelelo enzulu yokwahlukana kubantwana, kunye nokungalingani ngokwentlalo phakathi kwesini. 

UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa ngelithi: “Kwihlabathi elisengqiqweni, umntu uya kusoloko efuna ukwamkeleka kohlobo oluthile kwibutho labantu, kodwa oko kwamkelwa kusenokungavisisani neminqweno yaloo mntu.

Iingcebiso ezili-9 zokusinda ekunganyaniseki - kuMngcatshi

Ngelixa izifundo kunye nophando zinokusinika umbono wendlela isibini esiqhelekileyo esijongana ngayo nokungathembeki, yonke imeko yahlukile. Abanye abantu bakhetha ukuhamba ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Kwaye kunokubakho izizathu ezininzi emva kwezo zigqibo. Kodwa ukuba wena neqabane lakho nifuna ukunika ubudlelwane benu elinye ithuba, akunyanzelekanga ukuba nichaze izizathu zenu nakubani na. Ukuba ufuna ukusinda ekunganyaniseki kwaye ubuyisele ubudlelwane bakho, ngakumbi emva kokuba ubenzakalise, kuya kufuneka wenze umzamo: 

1. Kufuneka ucele ukuxolelwa

Xa ndisithi ndicela uxolo andithethi kuthi tu amagxa namagama angenanto. Ukwazi ukuba iqabane likabani belibaqhatha kunokuba buhlungu. Kwiimeko ezithile zentlalo nenkolo, kunokuthotywa kwaye kunokukhokelela ekugxothweni kwentsapho yonke kuluntu. Kufuneka ucele uxolo kubo ngokungapheleli nje ekuqhatheni kodwa ubenze bazive bethotyiwe, bengcatshiwe, kwaye bengafaneleki.

• Kufuneka uyazi ukuba ucela uxolo ngantoni. Ngaba ucela uxolo kuba kusisono kunqulo lwakho okanye ngenxa yokuba wone iqabane lakho? Ngaphandle kokuba uyazi ngokwenyani, awunakwazi ukuba ungayenza kubo
• Yitsho phandle. Musa ukulindela ukuba izijekulo zakho zikwenzele iqhinga. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi, “Linyathelo lokuqala kweli nqaku inqanaba lokubuyisela ukungathembeki. Ukuba awukwazi nokuhamba kwinyathelo lokuqala, ungalindela njani ukuba bakuthembe ngokuwagqiba onke amanyathelo” 
• Banike nangona kunjalo ixesha abalidingayo lokuhlaziya iimvakalelo zabo. Kufuneka ube nokuqonda ukuba ufuna ukuyenza isebenze. Kwakhona kufuneka wazi ukuba banokufuna okanye bangafuni ukuba nawe kwakhona. Kuzo zombini ezi meko, kufuneka ukulungele ukusamkela isigqibo sabo

2. Kufuneka umamele iqabane lakho

Iqabane lakho linokuba nenani lezinto zokukuxelela kweli nqanaba, uninzi lwazo luya kuziva ngathi zizityholo malunga nezinto ezinganxulumananga ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa kunjalo ngobudlelwane ukuba ukuthetha ngomcimbi omnye kuhlala kukhokelela kwenye. Baphulaphule. Esi sisitshixo sokuphucula ubudlelwane bakho.

• Kungenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho lingaqala ukukhalaza malunga nemiba engahambelaniyo, umzekelo, ukungabikho kwenkxaso ekhitshini. Endaweni yokuziva uhlaselwe ngokungafanelekanga, kuvume oku
• Ukungabikho kokungafani kwamandla kudla ngokuba sisizathu sokungathembeki. Oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka uhlengahlengiso oluthile kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Yithabathe inyathelo elihle endaweni yokuyiphatha njengento ephazamisayo
• Kwakhona kunokwenzeka ukuba ukungakhuseleki kwexesha elidlulileyo kweqabane lakho kunokubangela. Oku kwenzeka rhoqo emva kokuqhatha emtshatweni. Phulaphula uze ubone indlela onokubanceda ngayo kwezo nkalo

3. Kufuneka uzame iingcebiso zezibini

Abantu basenokukufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha nomnye umntu ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi. Abafuni ukwabelana nomnye umntu ngento ethile okanye bavume ukuba benze into engalunganga. Kodwa njengomntu obeke uxanduva lokwenzakalisa iqabane lakho, kufuneka ukwazi ukuzamkela iintsilelo zakho. UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa oku: “Ufuna umlamli wohlobo oluthile. Abacebisi bomtshato baqeqeshelwe oku. Isiluleko asiyonjongo yokugcina amaqabane ekunye okanye ukuwahlula, kodwa injongo yesicombululo esona sicombululo sawo omabini la maqela mabini. Nge IBonobology, sinephaneli ebalaseleyo yabacebisi kunye neengcali kuyo yonke imiba yakho yomtshato.

Nyaniseka kwiiseshoni zakho zokucebisa ukuze isebenze. Abacebisi bomtshato baqeqeshelwe ukuba babone nge-bluffs kunjalo, kwaye uya kuphelelwa ukuthembana kwakhona. Yabelana ngento oziva unetyala ngayo okanye uxolisa ngayo. Iseshoni asikokumamela nje into ethethwa liqabane lakho, kodwa nakwinto oyithethayo. Ayinamkhethe okanye igxile kwiqabane elinye kuphela

4. Sebenza ekulungiseni ngokusebenzayo

Nokuba uya kwicouples iingcebiso kwaye wenze yonke imithambo umcebisi akucela ukuba uyenze, ayizukusebenza ngaphandle kokuba ubeke intliziyo yakho kuyo. Ukuzisola nokuba netyala kusenokuba buhlungu, kodwa awunakulindela ukuba izinto zibe ngcono ngolo hlobo. 

• Sukuhamba nje ngezenzo. Vula umcebisi. Zama ukungena kwincoko
• Cela iqabane lakho iingcebiso malunga nento abayifunayo kubudlelwane. Baxelele into oyifunayo. Zamani ukudibana omnye komnye
• Kufuneka ube nosukelo olusengqiqweni. Ukucinga ukuba uya kukwazi ukulibala kwaye uqhubeke ngokungathi akukho nto yenzekileyo ayilosukelo lokwenene. Kufuneka uchonge iinjongo eziyinyani ezicacileyo, njengonxibelelwano oluphuculweyo, ukubandakanyeka kwizigqibo zobudlelwane, ukuthatha inxaxheba kuxanduva, njl.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokugcina A Guy Unomdla? Iindlela ezingama-13 zokuMgcina Ethembisene naye

5. Iimpawu umtshato wakho uya kusinda ekunganyaniseki — Uziva uzisola

Qaphela ukuba igama eliphambili kwisihloko esithi "imvakalelo", hayi "bonisa". Awunako ukwenza ngokuzisola. Nokuba unako, izenzo zakho ziya kukubonisa ngenye indlela. Ukuba uziva uzisola ngenene emva kokwenzakalisa iqabane lakho, ke kusekho indawo onokuthi uyigcine ubudlelwane bakho.

• Ufuna ukuba ngumntu ongcono. Uyayiva intlungu yabo kwaye musa ukuyiphepha. Xa ubalekela iintlungu, ukhangela izinto onokuziphazamisa ngazo. Ekugqibeleni, uqala ukuyithatha kancinci kwaye unokubuyela kwipatheni efanayo
• Nangona uzama ukuvelana neqabane lakho ukuba uqonde indlela owenze ubuhlungu ngayo, inokuba a uphawu lokungasebenzi ngokweemvakalelo ukuthelekisa ingcamango yakho yentlungu okanye yomnye umntu kunye nabo. Wonke umntu wahlukile kwaye awukwazi ukubagweba ngenxa yokwenzakala ukwenza into onokuthi uyithathele ingqalelo
• Ngaba uyaqonda ukuba ukulandela ikhowudi yenkolo okanye yokuziphatha yentlawulelo akwanelanga ngokuyimfuneko. Kusafuneka uyilungise neqabane lakho

6. Kufuneka uqwalasele iimvakalelo zakho

Kubalulekile ukucwangcisa iimvakalelo zakho ngendlela enempilo kuba ukwenza njalo kunokukhokelela kumonzakalo kwiminyaka kamva. Ukujongana nokungathembeki kwiminyaka kamva emva kokuqokelela iimvakalelo zayo yonke loo minyaka kunokuba yinto ebuhlungu. Kuya kufuneka ujongane nayo ngoku, ngelixa ingekaqini. Oku kunokwenziwa ngamanyathelo amane:

• Qaphela ukuba uziva njani. Kuhlala kukho i-plethora ye iimvakalelo umntu adlula kuzo emva kokuba uqhathiwe. Yiqonde indlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Ngaba lihlazo, ukuthotywa, umsindo, ingqumbo, impindezelo, okanye, isiqabu?
• Zivumele ukuba uzive ngale nto uyivayo. Kudla ngokuba buhlungu kwaye uninzi lwethu luye lwafunda ukutyhalela kude nayiphi na ingcamango ebuhlungu. Kodwa kufuneka uzive kwaye ungaziphazamisi kwiingcamango zakho. Usenokufuna ukulila, okanye ukukhwaza, okanye ulahle izinto. Yikhuphe intlungu yakho. Kodwa jongana nayo
• Phonononga iingcinga zakho. Wakuba ukhuphe iimvakalelo zakho, cinga ngesizathu sokuba uvakalelwe ngolu hlobo. Yintoni oyinxulumanisa nayo intlungu yakho, yaye ngoba? Kutheni ibuhlungu kangaka? Musa ukuzigweba wena okanye iqabane lakho. Lo msebenzi wenzelwe ukuba uziqonde ngakumbi kuneqabane lakho
• Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zakho. Sukuzigxeka okanye ube neentloni ngeemvakalelo zakho. Ukuziva into ethile ayikwenzi ube sisi okanye umntwana, ikwenza ube ngumntu, kwaye ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zakho kukwenza ukhule ngokweemvakalelo.

7. Awusadibanisi 'laa mntu' kwakhona

Ukuqhawula onke amaqhina nomntu omqhathileyo linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokuvuselela ukuthembana. Isenokungenzeki rhoqo, ngakumbi ukuba ubuqhathe nomntu osebenza naye okanye ilungu losapho. Kodwa ukuzama ukushukuma kangangoko unako kusabala.

• Cacisa kulo mntu ukuba uyalithanda iqabane lakho kwaye ufuna ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho busebenze. Isenokonakala okanye ingangcoli. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ukuvala kubalulekile
• Ukuba unako, hamba uye kwindawo entsha okanye umsebenzi. Oku kunokunciphisa naziphi na izinto ezibangela umzimba
• Abantu abaninzi bayathanda ukukholelwa ukuba unokuba ngumhlobo nomntu oqhathwe naye. Abanye abantu bangayenza mhlawumbi. Kodwa ukubabona kwakhona kunokubangela impendulo ye-dopamine umntu ayifumanayo ngexesha lokuthatheka okanye ngesondo. I-Dopamine ikwayi-hormone ejongene nokulutha. Yiloo nto ke, ukukopela kuyakhobokisa. Scott Haltzman, umbhali we Iimfihlelo Zokusinda Ekukrexezeni uyibiza ngokuba "likhoboka lomlilo". Ukuyishwankathela, ukuhlala unxibelelana nalo mntu yenye ye Iimpazamo zoxolelwaniso lomtshato kufuneka ziphetshwe emva kokungathembeki 

8. Uthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zakho

Ukubonisa ukuba uzimisele ngokulungisa ubudlelwane bakho kwaye ubenzele iqabane lakho, kufuneka uthathe uxanduva. Cela uxolo kwaye ubaxelele ukuba ufuna ukwenza umzamo. Banike indawo ukuba bayayifuna, kodwa yiba khona ukuba bayakufuna.

• Ukuba ukholelwa ukuba awunasiphoso, kodwa omnye umntu okanye ezinye iimeko zinjalo, ngoko ke uthetha ukuba ungayenza kwakhona nanini na xa ezi meko ziyakwenzeka. 

• Fumana ukuhlolwa kwe-STD ukwenzela wena kunye neqabane lakho
• Kusenokufuneka ukuba wabelane ngezinye iinkcukacha zomcimbi, kodwa unokukrwela umgca ukuba ikwenza ungakhululeki. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi, "Ukwabelana ngokuququzelela kulindelekile apho uthatha inxaxheba kuphando njengembonakaliso yokholo. Kodwa, ukulindela ukuba elinye iqabane lidlule kulo nakwiminyaka kamva kukuphazamisa kubumfihlo babo."

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: Imicimbi ye-Intanethi Eyila Utshintsho kwiNgcinga yoKuthembeka kuMtshato wanamhlanje

9. Yilungiselele imibuzo

Iqabane lakho linokuthi okanye alifuni ukwazi zonke iinkcukacha zokungathembeki kwakho. Kuya kuba nzima, kodwa ekubeni nguwe obenze ubuhlungu, kuya kuwela phezu kwakho ukwabelana ngeenkcukacha. Kuya kuba mdaka, kwaye kunokuba nobundlobongela, kodwa kufuneka udlule kuyo.

• Ungabuthandabuzi ubukrelekrele babo kwaye uthethe izinto ezinje, “Kungcono ukuba awazi.” Akukho nto ivusa umdla okanye ukucinga ngokugqithiseleyo njengokuvinjwa ulwazi ngento ethile
• Musa ukwabelana ngokugqithisileyo. Kulula ukugqiba ukwabelana ngaphezu kokuba bakwazi ukuphatha. Phendula imibuzo yabo ngokunyanisekileyo, kodwa ungangeni kwiinkcukacha ukuba bathi abafuni kuyiva
• Okona kubaluleke kakhulu, musa ukuqhayisa. Musa ukubalisa iziganeko ngokungathi kukho into oyifezileyo. Kwakhona, ixesha lokujonga iimvakalelo kunye nokuchonga izizathu liza kufika, ungagxininisi "ndenze le nto kuba uyenzile" okwangoku. Banike nje iimpendulo koko bakubuzayo
• Zama ukunganyaniseki nakweminye imiba. Ekubeni kuyinto enkulu ukuba iqabane lakho likuthembe kwakhona, kwanobuxoki obuncinci obumhlophe bunokubavusa. Ukuphulukana ngokupheleleyo nokuthembeka kuhlala kwenzeka ubudlelwane ngaphandle kokuthembana. Sukuxoka nokuba ucinga ukuba oko kunokubenzakalisa

Iingcebiso ezili-9 zokusinda ekunganyaniseki - kuBathengisiweyo

Kudla ngokuba nzima ngakumbi kwiqabane eliye laqhathwa. I-PTSD ebangelwa kukungathembeki inokuba nempembelelo yengqondo yexesha elide. Kwabanye abantu, luphawu ukuba mke ekukrexezeni. Kodwa ukuba ufuna ukusinda ekunganyaniseki kwaye ubuyisele ubudlelwane bakho, kufuneka uyiqhube yonke impilo. Masiqonde ukuba njani:

1. Kufuneka uyamkele iimvakalelo zakho

Uza kudlula kwiimvakalelo ezininzi. Into ekufuneka uyikhumbule kukuba ayizizo zonke ezi mvakalelo ezihambelana ngqo nokungathembeki kweqabane lakho. Abanye babo basenokuba bayaqala ngenxa yokuba ukuqhathwa kusenokuba kubizela ezinye izehlo ezibuhlungu zexesha elidlulileyo, njengokuziva ulahliwe.

• Xela iintshukumo eziveliswa zezi mvakalelo kuwe. Njengokukhala, okanye ukukhwaza. Musa ukuziphazamisa kule nto
• Ziphe ixesha lokuqwalasela iimvakalelo zakho. Khangela ukuba kutheni uziva ngale nto uyivayo. Ngaba kukho into evela kwixesha elidlulileyo odibanisa nale nto
• Ngexesha lale nkqubo, khumbula ukuba ayilotyala lakho. Ukuziva uneentloni ngenxa yokungathembeki kweqabane lakho sisiphumo semeko yentlalo apho ukuqhathwa kubhalwe njengempahla eshiyekileyo. Ubungenakuyinqanda ukuba ubusemtsha/ubukeka kakuhle/unomzimba othile/ungowoluntu. Izizathu zokuba abantu baqhathe kubudlelwane ayisoloko inento yokwenza neqabane

2. Kufuneka ukuphephe ukubaxa izinto

Usenokuba ukhe weva ukuba nantoni na egqithiseleyo inokubulala. Kuyinyani nakubudlelwane. Ngenxa yoko, kufuneka ukuphephe nakuphi na ukuzibaxa izinto. Khumbula, kufuneka udlule koku “njengexhoba” hayi “ixhoba”.

• Sukuyithatha yonke uthe cwaka kwaye uyibethele phezulu ngethemba lokulibala yonke. Iziganeko ezibuhlungu zidla ngokubonakala kamva ebomini. Kufuneka uyisebenzise ngendlela enempilo ukuze uphile ubomi obunentsingiselo
• Musa ukuba nobundlobongela. Musa ukuba ndlongondlongo okanye uqalise ukutshabalalisa izinto zakhe. Ungaziphathi ngokungenzi-ndlongo
• Cinga ngezenzo zakho ngokucokisekileyo ngaphambi kokuba uzimisele. Kungaziva kulungile ukusabela ngokuzenzekelayo, kodwa unokugqiba ukutshabalalisa onke amathuba okwenza kamva okanye ngakumbi ukwenza into engekho mthethweni.

3. Kufuneka nivulelane imbilini 

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ukukholosa ngeqabane lakho kusoloko kulukholo.” Akunakulityobela uxwebhu okanye ulenze uhlobo oluthile lwesohlwayo ukuze uqiniseke ukuba alisayi kuphinda liphoxeke kwakhona.

• Nxibelelana nabo into ekufuneka uyenzile ukuze ubathembe. Isenokuba kukuyeka ukunxibelelana nomntu abamqhathileyo, okanye kukuchitha ixesha elininzi nawe. Kodwa kufuneka uqhagamshelane ngoku
• Kwangaxeshanye, babuze ukuba yintoni abayifunayo kubudlelwane ukuze bazive banelisekile. Ukuphulaphula kubalulekile nxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho
• Chithani ixesha kunye ukuba niziva nikhululekile ngokwaneleyo. Thetha ubusuku bonke. Yenza nantoni na ovakalelwa kukuba iyimfuneko ukuvuselela ubuhlobo obusondeleyo. Khumbula ukuba kuninzi kuphela umcebisi anokufikelela. Ekugqibeleni, nguwe nobabini ekufuneka nisebenze.

4. Kufuneka ukhangele iingcebiso zobungcali kunye nenjongo

UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa ngelithi: “Amalungu entsapho nabahlobo basenokungabi nanjongo xa behlola ulwalamano lwabo. Funa iqela ukuze ufumane inkxaso ngeli xesha.

• Kwezinye iindawo, iintsapho zibankulu, yaye ukubandakanyeka kwazo kunokulonakalisa ulwalamano lwamanye amalungu entsapho
• Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba iqela lakho lenkxaso lingazama ukulawula isigqibo sakho, luluvo oluhle ukubazisa ukuba awukhululekanga ngokungena kwabo.
• Umtshato awusoze ufane emva kokungathembeki, ngakumbi kubantwana abatyhubela iimeko zokubhideka kunye nexhala. Ungabandakanyi abantwana njengeentsinjana kumdlalo wokutyholwa ngokungenzi nto

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5. Kufuneka uchonge imida

Nje ukuba wenze isigqibo sokuba ufuna ukunika ulwalamano lwenu elinye ithuba, kufuneka uchonge imida okhululekileyo kuyo neqabane lakho. Le mida ibandakanya ukusondela kunye nokuziphatha nabanye abantu. Oku kunokunceda ukunciphisa iingcinga zokucinga ngokugqithisileyo ezifana, "Ngaba uyaqhatha okanye ndiyaphambana?"

• Nxibelelana nabo ukuba awufuni banxibelelane nabantu abathile, okanye luhlobo luni lonxibelelwano abanokuba nalo nabo ngaphandle kokukwenza ungonwabi.
• Ukusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi kusenokuba yenye yezinto ezibangela ukungathembeki. Gxininisa ukuba ucinga ukuba likhoboka labo lisenokuba liyaphuma esandleni
• Ukuba iqabane lakho liye laba likhoboka lezenzo zesondo, ukucebisa imida kunokunganeli. UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa ngelithi, “Kufuneka udibane nogqirha njengoko umcebisi esenokungakwazi ukukunceda uhlangabezane nokuba likhoboka lesini”

6. Fumana iindlela eziphilileyo zokuxolela iqabane lakho

Ngoku ka uphando, ukuxolelwa yenye yemiqondiso umtshato wakho uya kusinda ukungathembeki. Nangona kunjalo, ngaphambi kokuba ubaxolele, qinisekisa ukuba baxolile ngokwenene, kwaye bayazisola, kwaye bafuna ukwenza ubudlelwane busebenze. Ukuxolela iqabane lokukopela elingazisoliyo kunokwenzeka ukuba libenze baphinde bakwenze oko.

• Ukuba ugqibe ekubeni ubaxolele, kwenze oko ngaphandle kwemiqathango. Unokubacela ukuba babone umcebisi wezibini okanye baqhawule unxibelelwano nomntu abazibandakanya naye, kodwa ubacele ukuba benze izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni ngokupheleleyo okanye ezinganxulumananga njengokucela ukwahlukana namalungu osapho ongawathandiyo okanye utshintshe ubuchwephesha akulunganga kwaye kuyathengiselana.
• Ukuxolela iqabane elingathembekanga akululanga okanye ngokukhawuleza. Gxininisa oku kwiqabane lakho kufuneka babe nomonde ukuze ukwazi xolela emva kokukopela ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, hlalani ngaphandle ixesha elithile ukuze ninike nobabini indawo eyaneleyo kunye nexesha lokujongana neentlungu ngesantya senu

7. Kufuneka ube novelwano

Nje ukuba iqabane lakho livume nayiphi na imiqathango oye wayibeka ukuba umthembe kwakhona, ubonise ukuzisola, kwaye uye wabandakanyeka ngokusebenzayo ekwenzeni ubudlelwane bakho busebenze, kufuneka ubonise uvelwano oluthile. Kucacile ukuba bakulungele ukuhamba indlela yabo yokukuhlangabeza, kodwa kufuneka udibane nabo phakathi.

• Mamela icala labo ngomonde ngaphandle kokubagweba. Oku kunzima kakhulu emva kokuba ufumene ukungathembeki kwabo. Yiyo loo nto gcina eli nyathelo kuphela xa sele ubonile ukuba nobabini nifuna ukunika ubudlelwane ithuba lesibini
• Thetha nabo kwaye ufunde isizathu sokuziphatha kwabo. Cinga malunga nokuba yintoni eyabaphembelela kwixesha elidlulileyo ukuba babe ngolu hlobo, okanye zeziphi iimeko ezibangele ukuba bakwenze oko, yeyiphi indlela yokuziphatha kwakho eyaba negalelo koku, kwaye kutheni uvakalelwa ngale ndlela uziva ngayo.
• Kwakhona kufuneka ube novelwano kuwe. Qinisekisa ukuba utya ngokufanelekileyo, okanye ulala ngokwaneleyo. Isenokuziva ngathi iziphazamiso, ezinjengokulahleka emsebenzini okanye ukuzingxala ngokutya ngelixa ubukele iNetflix ebusuku kakhulu, iyanceda kodwa akunjalo. Zinike ukutya okwaneleyo, umthambo, kunye ziqhelanise nengqondo

8. Awuyi kuzisa kamva

Uninzi lwezibini ezitshatileyo zenza le mpazamo apho zihlala zizisa imiba yangaphambili ekungavisisani kwabo okwangoku. Ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nigqibe ekubeni nidlule kwizikreqo zabo nize niqhubeke, akufuneki niphinde niyivezele loo nto, njengoko inokunikhathaza nobabini.

• Musa ukukhankanya imicimbi yabo eyimfihlo ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bungene kwiingxaki ezinganxulumananga ngokupheleleyo. Inokwenza iingxaki zibe mbi ngakumbi
• Musa ukunyusa iimvakalelo zakho ngexesha lokubuyisela. Oku kukhokelela iingxabano kubudlelwane kamva. Ukuba usenazo iimvakalelo zokushiyeka, ngoko wabelane ngazo neqabane lakho. Thatha usuku nje ukuxoxa ngale nto. Kodwa sukuyiphakamisa nanini na xa ufuna
• Ukuba uziva ushukunyiswa ngenxa yento ekukhumbuza ukungathembeki kwabo, kwimeko enjalo, kufuneka wabelane nabo. UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa ngelithi, “Ukuba kukho ukwenzakala okushiyekileyo, okukhokelela ekubeni usabele ngale ndlela, ngoko kufuneka uthethe nogqirha njengoko oko kunokuchaphazela umtshato wakho.” 

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9. Musa ukuthetha kakubi ngawe

Kulula kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo ukuba liwele kwi-self-talk spiral apho bazibhala njengesizathu sokungathembeki kweqabane labo. Kuba lula ngokuhamba kwexesha. Nangona kunjalo, intlungu isenokungapheli ngokupheleleyo. Unokuvuswa zizinto ezincinci njengombala weenwele zomntu ongamaziyo, nasemva kweminyaka emininzi.

• Bhala phantsi iingcinga zakho, ngakumbi indlela oziva ngayo ngawe. Phinda uchaze ezo ngcinga ngendlela enenjongo. Umzekelo, endaweni yokucinga ukuba, “Wonke umntu uya kucinga ukuba ndilintshontsho”, phinda uchaze le ngcamango ngokuthi, “Ngenxa yesi siganeko, ndinoloyiko lokuba ndingavelana ndize ndihlekiswe.” Ngoku olu loyiko lusenokungabi yinyani, kodwa lukunika ingcaciso malunga nokuba kutheni ucinga ukuba uya kuba nosizi okanye uhlekise kwaye kutheni usoyika oko.
• Jonga ubungqina obunobungqina bokuchasa nakuphi na ukuzithetha kakubi
• Khumbula ukuba umonde ngundoqo. Wonke umntu ujongana nezi meko ngexesha lakhe, ngesantya sakhe. Musa ukuzibamba ngokuziva nantoni na oyivayo

Njengoko singathanda ukukholelwa, ukungathembeki akuqhelekanga. Ubudlelwane bunzima. Ukuba uziva uphelelwa luthando emva kokungathembeki kwaye ufuna ukushiya iqabane lakho ngenxa yokukopela kuwe, amandla amaninzi kuwe. Kodwa ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nifuna ukusebenza kubudlelwane benu, kuya kuba nzima kwaye kufuna umgudu ongakumbi ukusuka ekupheleni kwakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ukulungele ukuthatha inyathelo, ke thina eBonobology sibonelela nge iqela elibanzi labacebisi ngubani oya kumamela kwaye akukhokele kwinkqubo.

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Igalelo lakho alilomnikelo wesisa . Liza kuvumela iBonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha noluhlaziyiweyo ekuzameni kwethu ukunceda nabani na emhlabeni ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.