Iingxoxo kubudlelwane-Iintlobo, amaxesha amaninzi, kunye nendlela yokusingatha

Athi ungaze ulale uphambene. Ngoko ke, mna neqabane lam sihlala phezulu ebhedini yaye sixambulisana. Ngamanye amaxesha ngokukhawuleza. Ngamanye amaxesha ngokuzolileyo. Kuxhomekeke ekubeni kusebusuku kangakanani kwaye sixhonywe kangakanani na. Iingxabano kubudlelwane azibonisi ukuba usemanzini anenkathazo. Kuthetha nje ukuba abantu ababini banqanda umlo omkhulu ukuba ungenzeki ngokusombulula imincinane. Sinazo zonke iintlobo zokulwa, ukusukela kwimilo ethi 'yintoni isidlo sangokuhlwa' ukuya kuthi 'ngubani oza kuhlamba izitya' ukuya kuthi ga kwimilo ethi 'iteknoloji eninzi iphazamisana nexesha lethu elisemgangathweni' imilo.

Iqabane lam lakha landigculela emva kwengxabano laza lathi ndingathanda ukulahlekelwa bubuthongo kunokuba ndiphulukane nengxabano. Ndiyavuma, kufuneka ndivumele ingxabano iphefumle kude kube lusuku olulandelayo ngamanye amaxesha ngaphambi kokuba ndiyisombulule. Kodwa kulungile ukuxabana kwaye uyikhuphe yonke into (nanini na xa nobabini nikulungele) kuba xa niyeka ukuxabana kubudlelwane, oko kuthetha ukuba anisenandaba. UJoseph Grenny, umbhali-mbhali wencwadi ethengiswa kakhulu kwiNew York Times ethi Crucial Conversations , ubhala ukuba izibini ezixabana kunye, zihlala kunye. Ingxaki iqala xa uqala ukuphepha ezo ngxabano.

Silapha ukukunceda uqonde ukuba kutheni iingxabano zibalulekile kubudlelwane, ngokubonisana nomcebisi uNishmin Marshall , ogxile ekunikeni iingcebiso kwimitshato engenaluthando, imitshato exhaphazayo, ukukruquka, iimfazwe, kunye neengxaki zesondo. Uthi, “Ukuxambulisana lolunye uhlobo olukhathazayo lokuveza ingongoma yakho. Xa izibini zilwa, kuzisa ukucaca. Kuzinceda ziqonde imbono yomnye nomnye.”

Iintlobo Zezimbo zokuPhikisana

Ngaba izibini ziyalwa? Ewe. Amaxesha amaninzi kunokuba unokucinga. Iingxabano ezincinci kubudlelwane ziqhelekile ngokugqibeleleyo. Nangona kunjalo, kukho iindlela ezahlukeneyo abantu abaxambulisana ngazo kwaye akukho bantu babini baxambulisana ngendlela efanayo. Oku kusekwe kwisitayile sabo sokuncamathela, ubukrelekrele beemvakalelo, kunye nempendulo yabo yokubhabha-okanye-umkhenkce. Kukho iintlobo ezi-4 ezahlukeneyo zesimbo sengxoxo kubudlelwane:

1. Isimbo sokuhlasela

Ishukunyiswa kukukhungatheka, ukukhathazeka, nomsindo, le ndlela yokuxoxa imalunga nokukhomba zonke izinto ezingalunganga ezenziwe lelinye iqabane. Le ngxoxo yenzeka xa elinye iqabane lingazi ukuba lingayilawula njani ingqumbo kubudlelwane. Ingxoxo inokuba ndlongondlongo kwaye oku kumalunga nokugxeka umntu omnye. Eminye yemizekelo yile:

• “Uhlala ushiya itawuli imanzi phezu kwebhedi”
• “Awuwenzi umsebenzi wakho wasekhitshini”
• “Awusoze uyikhuphe inkunkuma”

2. Isimbo sokuzikhusela

Olu hlobo lwengxabano kubudlelwane lwenzeka xa umntu otyholwa ngento ethile esenza njengexhoba. Okanye basenokuqalisa ukuzithethelela ngokubonisa iintsilelo neentsilelo zomnye umntu. Umzekelo: 

• “Ngendikhuphe inkunkuma ukuba ubuzihlamba izitya namhlanje”
• “Ubusazi ukuba ndixakekile, kutheni ungandikhumbuzi nje ukuba ndikwenze oko, ngendikwenzile.
• “Awukwazi ukundigxeka kube kanye?”

3. Isimbo sokurhoxa 

Usenokuba ngumkhiphi okanye uzama ukutyhala ingxabano ukuze uveze ingongoma yakho. Ukuba ungumntu wokuqala, ngoko kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukhangele iindlela zokuphepha ukuxambulisana. Ibonisa ukuba unobuntu obunqanda impixano kwaye uya kuzama ukugcina uxolo. Ukuba ungowokugqibela, ke uzimisele ukubeka inqaku lakho. 

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: Iimpawu ezili-11 Zokuziphatha Okuphantsi Kokuzihlonipha Kubudlelwane

4. Isimbo esivulekileyo

Indlela yokuba neengxabano eziphilileyo kubudlelwane? Zama ukuba nengxoxo evulelekileyo. Le yenye yeendlela eziphilileyo zokuxoxisana neqabane. Uvulekile kwaye unolwazelelelo kuyo yonke imeko. Awulungiswanga kumbono wakho okanye uzame ukubonisa ukuba omnye umntu akalunganga. 

7 Izizathu eziphezulu zokuba kutheni izibini zilwa 

UNishmin uthi: “Ukuxambulisana kwezibini ezitshatileyo akuyongozi. Oko kuthethwayo, ayizizo zonke iingxabano kunye neengxabano kubudlelwane ezenziwe ngokulinganayo. Ezinye zinetyhefu ngakumbi kunezinye. Ukukunceda ukuba uhlukanise phakathi kwempilo kwabangenampilo, makhe sijonge kwiindidi, izizathu, kunye nezizathu zeengxabano zobudlelwane:

1. Ukulwa ngenxa yezemali

Izibini ezixambulisana ngemali asinto intsha. Olu lolunye lweentlobo zokulwa kubudlelwane obungenaxesha. Ukuba nihlala kunye kwaye nigqibe ekubeni nilawule imali kunye, loo milo ayinakuphepheka. Ukuba omabini amaqabane azimisele ukusombulula lo mba kwaye acwangcise uluhlu lohlahlo lwabiwo-mali ngaphandle kokwenza omnye azive kakubi ngokuba ngabasebenzisi-mali abangenankathalo, ngoko usendleleni efanelekileyo. 

2. Ukulwa ngento enye ngokuphindaphindiweyo

Ukuba nihlala nilwa ngento enye kwakhona, amathuba okuba anizami nokuqonda imbono yomnye umntu. Nobabini nithi omnye wenu ulungile omnye akalunganga. Ukulwa okunjalo okuphindaphindiweyo kubudlelwane kunokuguquka kube yinto engapheliyo ukuba akujongwanga ngendlela efanelekileyo. Ukuba ukhe wazibuza ukuba, ingaba kuxambulisana okungakanani kubudlelwane, amathuba okuba nixabane rhoqo, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba iingxaki zenu sele ziguqukile.

3. Ukuxambulisana ngemisebenzi yasekhaya

Kutheni abantu abatshatileyo besilwa? Imisebenzi yasekhaya yeyona nto ibangela iingxabano kubudlelwane ixesha elininzi. Ngokuqinisekileyo esi sisihloko esivuthayo phakathi kwezibini. Ngenxa yokuba xa kukho ukungalingani kulwahlulo lwabasebenzi ekhaya, kunokukhokelela kwimilo emininzi kunye neengxabano ezimbi. Kungenxa yokuba elinye iqabane lizixakekise kakhulu, alikhathali, okanye liyonqena ukwenza isabelo salo somsebenzi. 

Ngokophando olwenziweyo malunga nonxibelelwano phakathi komsebenzi wasekhaya nokwaneliseka ngokwesondo, kufunyenwe ukuba xa amaqabane angamadoda exela ukuba enze igalelo elifanelekileyo kumsebenzi wasekhaya, esi sibini sifumana ukudibana ngokwesondo rhoqo. Ngokucacileyo, ukutshata akuqinisekisi uthando kunye nomnqweno.

4. Iingxabano ezinxulumene nosapho

Le yenye imilo isibini eqhelekileyo. Iingxabano zinokuba malunga nantoni na - iqabane lakho alithandi usapho lwakho okanye uziva ngathi iqabane lakho alikubekeli phambili njengoko libeka phambili usapho lwalo. Unxibelelwano lweentsapho lunzulu. Kungoko ezi mpikiswano azinakuphetshwa. Le yenye yeengxaki zobudlelwane obunokwenzeka kwaye kuya kufuneka uthethe omnye komnye kwaye nifumane indlela yokuyilungisa.

5. Iingxoxo ezibangelwa yimiba yokuthembana

Ukulwa rhoqo kubudlelwane ngenxa yokukrokrelana kunokonakalisa ngenene isiseko sothando lwakho. Ukuba ukukrokrelana, ukungabikho kokuthembana, okanye ukungcatshwa kuye kwangena kubudlelwane, unokuphelisa ukuxabana ngalo lonke ixesha. Kunokuba nzima ukubuyela kwindlela izinto ebeziyiyo kubudlelwane bakho. Ukuthembana, xa kwaphukile, kunzima kakhulu ukuphinda kwakhiwe. Kodwa yazi ukuba ngokuzinikela, ukunyaniseka, kunye nothando, akukho nto ingenakwenzeka. Xa ungayazi indlela yokujongana nokungathembani, kunokwenza iqabane lakho lirhoxe rhoqo ngokweemvakalelo.

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: Iingcebiso Ezi-9 Eziphambili Zokwakha Ukuthembana Kubudlelwane

6. Izibini zilwa ngokukhetha indlela yokuphila 

Yintoni ebangela iingxabano kubudlelwane? Ukhetho lwendlela yokuphila. Ukuba umntu uyalithanda itheko aze omnye abe likhaya, loo milo inyanzelekile ukuba yenzeke. Iqabane elingenamdla nelingakuthandiyo ukuphuma lisenokuziva licinezelekile ukuba lenze izinto ezichasene nendalo yalo kunye neemfuno zalo. Oku kuya kubenza bazive kakubi ngabo. Iqabane eligqithisiweyo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, linokuziva ngathi alikwazi ukuphuma kunye neqabane labo njengoko bengathanda, kwaye oko kunokuba nzima ukuphatha nabo. Nobabini kufuneka niyekelele kwaye nifumane indawo ephakathi. 

7. Ukwahluka kwabazali

Le yenye yeengxaki zomtshato eziqhelekileyo ezijongene nezibini ezingakwaziyo ukwahlula imisebenzi yokukhulisa abantwana. Zikwahlukene ngendlela yokukhulisa abantwana bazo kunye nendlela yokubanyamekela. Ukuba awuyilungisi le ngxaki kungekudala, iingxabano zakho ezingapheliyo kunye nokungafani kwabazali kunokuchaphazela umntwana. Oku kunokubangela iimeko ezingakhathaliyo apho sicela abantwana bethu ukuba bathathe icala.

Kungakanani Ukuxambulisana Kwesiqhelo Kubudlelwane?

Ukuze sazi ukuba kuxakeke kangakanani ukulwa kubudlelwane, siqhagamshelane noRidhi Golechha , (MA Psychology), ogxile ekunikeni iingcebiso ngemitshato engenaluthando, ukuqhawuka kweentsapho, kunye neminye imiba yobudlelwane. Uthi, “Ukuba ukukrutha-kruthana ngamanye amaxesha kwenzeka, akukho nto inokubangela ukuba ukhathazeke ngayo. Wonke umntu ulahlekelwa kukuzola kwakhe ngamanye amaxesha. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba nilwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kufuneka wazise iqabane lakho ukuba ezi ngxabano azincedi nganto kubudlelwane.

"Ukuba awumxeleli iqabane lakho ukuba enye yezenzo zalo iyakukhathaza, alisoze lazi. Iqabane lakho alingomntu ofunda ingqondo ukuze azi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni ngaphakathi entlokweni yakho. Ukungathethisani kubangela ukuba umsindo wakheke kumacala omabini. Oku kunokubangela ukulwa rhoqo kubudlelwane, nto leyo enokudinisa. Usenokuzibuza nokuba kufanelekile na ukuchitha amandla akho. Kodwa akunjalo na ukuba ubudlelwane bumalunga na? Niyalwa, nixolise, nixolelane, nize niqabulane. Hayi kuba nithanda ukulwa. Kuba nifuna ukuba nalo mntu nangona ninexesha elinzima.

“Nangona kunjalo, oko akuthethi ukuba ningaqalisa ukuxambulisana naphi na nangaliphi na ixesha. Ukuxambulisana okucingisisiweyo kubaluleke kakhulu. Kufuneka ukhethe ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuvakalisa izinto ezikuxhalabisayo. Ukuba niyalwa kuphela, nixambulisana, nikhalaza, yaye niyagxekana, oko akunampilo, yaye kungekudala kuya kuchaphazela impilo yakho yengqondo.” Izibini eziphikisanayo zigxile kuphela kwimilo kunye nokuzama ukubonisa ukuba omnye umntu akalunganga, ngaphandle kokuqonda indlela yokuyeka ukuxabana rhoqo kubudlelwane, bavame ukuhlukana.

Nazi iiparamitha ezimbalwa ezinokukunceda uvavanye xa ungquzulwano lwakho lungene kwindawo engafanelekanga:

• Xa uqala ukungamhloniphi omnye umntu
• Xa uqala ukubathuka
• Xa ungalweli ubudlelwane kodwa ngokuchasene nobudlelwane 
• Xa unika i-ultimatums kwaye usongela ukubashiya 

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: IiPeeves ezingama-35 eziphezulu kubudlelwane

IiPros And Cons of Relationship Arguments 

Iingxabano kwangethuba kubudlelwane kuthetha ukuba nobabini anivani ngokwaneleyo kwaye niyasokola ukuziqhelanisa nesigaba sasemva komtshato. Kodwa ngaba kuqhelekile ukulwa yonke imihla kubudlelwane? Kaloku, oko kuxhomekeke kuhlobo lokulwa olwayo. Ingxabano inokuba lithuba lokufunda ngakumbi ngomnye umntu, ukuphilisa, nokukhula kunye. Uninzi lwabantu lucinga ukuba akunampilo xa izibini zisilwa. Kodwa loo nto yi-hogwash. Izisa ukunyaniseka ngakumbi kubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, njengoko besesitshilo ngaphambili, ayizizo zonke iingxabano ezenziwa ngokulinganayo kwaye ukulwa phakathi kwezibini zinesabelo sabo sezinto ezintle kunye nezingalunganga, ezibandakanya: 

Iingenelo zeengxabano phakathi kwezibini :

• Xa abantu abatshatileyo bexambulisana, bafunda ngeentsilelo zabo, iimbono ezingafaniyo nendlela abacinga ngayo. Ibasondeza ngokudala inqanaba elinzulu lokuqonda. Xa ufunda ukulawula nokwamkela loo mahluko, uya kudala ubudlelwane obunothando noxolo
• Iingxabano zinokwenza nomelele njengesibini. Xa ulungisa umlo ngokuthi “Ndiyakuthanda kwaye ndiyavuya kuba sithetha ngayo,” loo nto ibonisa ukuba uluxabisa ngakumbi ulwalamano lwenu ngaphezu kokungavisisani kwenu. 
• Xa u cela uxolo ngokunyanisekileyo emva komlo, ifaka imvakalelo yokucoceka kunye nokulunga. Uziva ulungile ngawe kunye nobudlelwane bakho

Iingxaki zeengxabano phakathi kwezibini :

• Xa izibini ezixambulisanayo zibhenela ekugxekeni nasekubekeni ityala kwimidlalo, baphela besebenzisa amagama athi “Wena” anjengokuthi “Usoloko,” “Awukhe,” yaye “Wena kuphela”. Amabinzana anjalo enza omnye umntu azive enetyala kwaye ehlaselwe, kwaye athintele ukukhula
• Xa ungazisombululi ingxabano, uyandisa ingxabano. Ngenxa yoko, uziva unomsindo, ukrakra, kwaye unentiyo kumlingane wakho
• Ukulwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngento enye kunokukugxotha kwiqabane lakho. Baya kuqala ukukuphepha ukuze baphephe ingxabano 

Yenza kwaye ungayenzi ngelixa uxabana neqabane lakho 

Ngaba kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukulwa yonke imihla kubudlelwane? Ephendula lo mbuzo, umsebenzisi weReddit uthi, “Izihlandlo ezingaphi izibini ezilwa kubudlelwane obusempilweni kuxhomekeke kwindlela ochaza ngayo ukulwa nokuxabana kubudlelwane. Ngaba zonke izibini ziyadibana xa zithetha? Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Ngaba zonke izibini ziyaxabana ngamanye amaxesha? Ewe. Kukho izibini ezixabana ngokuphandle. Emva koko kukho izibini ezixabana ngendlela engenamdla. Kwaye ezinye izibini ziyaziphepha iingxaki. Wonke umntu uphatha kwaye asombulule iingxabano ngokwahlukileyo, ngoko ke amaqhinga okusombulula iingxabano aya kwahluka kwisibini ngasinye.”

Izibini ezixabanayo kufuneka ziqonde ukuba kukho imigaqo embalwa yokuxabana kubudlelwane. Kukho izinto omele uzenze nongamele zenziwe xa ulungisa iingxabano. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokulwa kubudlelwane:

Ezimbini	Musa
Ngalo lonke ixesha mamela icala labo lebali	Musa ukuhlala ugxile kwizikhalazo; gcina indlela yakho ijolise kwisisombululo
Ngalo lonke ixesha sebenzisa izitatimenti zika-“Ndi” ukufumana ingongoma yakho	Izibini ezixambulisanayo akufuneki zisebenzise amagama abaxiweyo afana nelithi “rhoqo” nelithi “ungaze”
Hlalani nikhumbula ukuba nobabini nikwicala elinye. Anilwi kodwa nilwa kunye nengxaki	Sukwenza intelekelelo, ugxeke, okanye utsalele amalungu osapho kwiingxaki zakho
Phulaphula ngovelwano	Ungaze uwujongele phantsi umcimbi okanye wenze izinto ezixhalabisa iqabane lakho zingasebenzi
Yiba namaxesha okupholisa	Musa ukubetha ngaphantsi kwebhanti okanye ujolise ubuthathaka babo
Bonisa uthando lomzimba ukuba nilungile nobabini kuyo. Bachukumise naxa nixambulisana	Musa ukunika i-iltimatums okanye ugrogrise ngokushiya ubudlelwane
Zilungiselele iimpazamo zakho kwaye ucele uxolo	Xa ingxabano isonjululwe, musa ukuyiveza kwiingxoxo ezizayo

Kutheni iingxabano zisempilweni 

"Kutheni sixabana nje? Ngaba kunempilo ukulwa kubudlelwane?" Le mibuzo inokuba nzima engqondweni yakho emva kwengxabano nganye ne-SO yakho. URidhi uthi, “Nokuba ziziphi na izizathu zokuxambulisana, abantu abatshatileyo bayaxabana ngenxa yokuba bethandana yaye into eyenziwe ngomnye umntu okanye ayithethileyo iyamkhathaza omnye, awukwazi ukuyiyeka idlule kuba emva koko isuke ibekukuphepheka. indlela yoqhawulo-mtshato.

"Ingaba kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukulwa yonke imihla kubudlelwane? Ewe, ukuba injongo kukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo . Hayi, ukuba konke ofuna ukukwenza kukukhupha umsindo wakho nokugxeka iqabane lakho. Ngoncedo lwala mathandabuzo mancinci kubudlelwane, nifunda ngezinto ezibangela omnye komnye, ukwenzakala, kunye nokungazithembi. Niya kwazana ngcono kwiinkqubo zexabiso zomnye nomnye. Iingxabano zikwathethana phakathi kwabantu ababini abangalinganiyo kodwa bekwiqela elinye."

Iindlela ezi-8 zokujongana neengxabano kubudlelwane

Injongo yalo naliphi na ingxabano kukufumana ingxaki nokuyilungisa. Xa izibini zixabana rhoqo, zihlala zilibala eyona ndawo zijolise kuyo, ekukufumana isisombululo. 'Kuxakeke kangakanani ukulwa kakhulu' kuba ngumbuzo obalulekileyo xa konke okwenzayo kukuxabana nokuxabana, kwaye ungazi ukuba ungayiyeka njani ingqumbo emva kokuba ingxabano isonjululwe. Ukuba injongo kukuphumelela ingxabano neqabane lakho, ngoko sele uphulukene. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zendlela yokusingatha iingxabano neqabane lakho ezinokunceda izibini ezixabanayo zisombulule iingxabano ngobuchule ngakumbi:

1. Thatha uxanduva ngezenzo zakho 

Ukuba iqabane lakho lonzakele ngenxa yezenzo zakho, yamkele. Okukhona usenza ngathi ungcwele kwaye akukho nto unokuyenza engalunganga, kokukhona usengozini ngakumbi ubudlelwane bakho. Ulwaneliseko lobudlelwane alunakwenzeka xa omnye umntu ecinga ukuba uhlala elungile kwaye omnye umntu kufuneka asoloko egoba kwintando yakhe. Lifikile ixesha lokuba ucele uxolo ngeempazamo zakho. Ziphephe iingxabano kubudlelwane kwaye uthathe uxanduva ngezenzo zakho ezingalunganga. Eli lelinye lamanyathelo afanelekileyo onokuthi uwathathe ukuphucula umgangatho wothando lwakho.

2. Funda ukulalanisa 

Ukwazi indlela yokuvumelana yinto ekugqibeleni ekhokelela ekwanelisekeni kobudlelwane. Nokuba ulwa kubudlelwane, funda ukuvumelana. Awunakwenza ngendlela othanda ngayo ngalo lonke ixesha. Ukuba awufuni ukuba nengxabano efanayo kwaye nixambulisane imihla ngemihla, kungcono ukuba nivumelane ngamanye amaxesha. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zokuvumelana emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane:

• Yekani ukulwa ngezitya ezingcolileyo kwaye nihlukanise imisebenzi yasekhaya ixesha elithile
• Okwangoku, yibani nomdla kwizinto enizithandayo
• Ziphephe iingxabano kubudlelwane ngokuthetha ngokucacileyo ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwemali, nangokwasemzimbeni okulindelekileyo kunye neemfuno
• Chitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye ukuze waneliseke ngakumbi kubudlelwane
• Jongana nabo rhoqo kwaye uzame ukunxibelelana ngothando lwakho ngaphandle kwamagama kanye ngexesha
• Thetha omnye nomnye xa iqala ukuziva "njengombingelelo"

3. Thatha umzuzwana uphefumle 

Xa nikwingxabano eshushu, musa ukunyanzela iqabane lakho zonke iingcinga kunye neembono zakho. Yenzani oko xa nobabini nikwimo ezolileyo. Ukuba iqabane lakho liyangxola, akuyomfuneko ukuba umphendule ngenjongo yokubonisa ukuba unelizwi yaye uyakwazi ukuma. Ezi zinto ziya kongeza umlilo emlilweni. Xa iqabane lakho lizibandakanya kwisitayile esitshabalalisayo sokuxambulisana, ke uthathe ixesha lokupholisa. Hamba kude kwimeko. 

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: Imizekelo eli-19 yeMida ePhilileyo kuBudlelwane

4. Musa ukubanyanzela ukuba balwe 

Kuhle kwaye kuvuthiwe kwiqabane lakho ukuba liyazi ukuba aliyi kukwazi ukusingatha impixano kwaye banokugqiba ukwenza / ukuthetha into abaya kuzisola ngayo. Ibonisa indlela abazazi ngayo. Ke ukuba ngexesha lelinye lale milo evuthiswa ngumsindo, iqabane lakho lithatha isigqibo sokuthatha umzuzwana ukuphefumla, emva koko bavumele. Kwisicelo somlingani wakho / isenzo esidalwe ngamaxesha anjalo, bavumele ukuba babe nexesha elilodwa, kwaye ungabasukela bekhala kwincam yolwimi lwakho.

5. Akukho gama libizayo

Xa wena neqabane lakho nisoloko nixabana, mhlawumbi kungenxa yokuba akukho namnye kuni osombulula imeko ekhoyo ngelixa esongeza ezinye iingxaki kwingxaki. Qiniseka nje ukuba nanini na xa nixabana neqabane lakho, anisebenzisi amagama anyelisayo kuba ukuthuka kubudlelwane kuyayonakalisa kakhulu isiseko sothando lwenu nothando lwenu. Ezinye izinto ekufuneka nizikhumbule ziquka:

• Sukugqithisa izimvo eziphoxayo 
• Musa ukuthatha ukugrumba kwinkangeleko yabo okanye ukhombe iminwe kumlingiswa weqabane lakho 
• Musa ukusebenzisa ukuba sesichengeni kwabo ngokuchasene nabo 
• Musa ukubaxelela ukuba “bavale umlomo” kwaye benze njengomntu okwaziyo konke
• Musa ukucinga nantoni na 
• Kuphephe ukudlulisela intetho ezijongela phantsi 
• Sukuzama ukukholisa iqabane lakho 

6. Musani ukuxambulisana ngezinto ezininzi ngexesha elinye

Esi sesinye sezizathu zokuba unxibelelwano oluhle lwehla phakathi kwamaqabane. Musani ukulwa ngexesha elinye. U-Ridhi ucebisa ukuba ugxininise amandla akho kwingxabano enye endaweni yokulwa ngazo zonke izinto ezingalunganga kumandla akho. Ngaphaya koko, xa ingxabano ibekiwe, musa ukuyivusa kwenye ingxabano

7. Khumbula ukuba ukwiqela elinye

Akunamsebenzi ukuba yintoni ebangela iingxabano kubudlelwane. Okubalulekileyo kukuba nijongana njani nezi ngxabano "njengeqela." Hlala ukhumbula ukuba anilwi. Nilwa kunye nichasene nengxaki. Xa nitshintsha iindlela zenu zokuxabana kubudlelwane nize nilwe kunye njengeqela, yenye yeendlela zokuba neengxabano eziphilileyo kubudlelwane.

8. Musa ukumgibisela ngamatye iqabane lakho emva komlo 

Abaphandi bafumanise ukuba ukugquma ngamatye kukwayindlela yokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kwaye kuyayichaphazela impilo yengqondo yamadoda nabafazi. Le mpilo yengqondo inokuba nefuthe nakwimpilo yomzimba. Uya kuba neentamo eziqinileyo, ube neentloko ezibuhlungu rhoqo, kunye neentlungu zamagxa. Ngoko ke, ukuba unika iqabane lakho unyango olungathethiyo emva kokulwa, oko kuthetha ukuba urhuqa ngabom ingxabano nasemva kokulungisa izinto. Uzama nje ukulijezisa ngokuligquma ngamatye. Musa ukubonisa ukungakhathali kweqabane lakho ngokungakhathaleli impilo yeqabane lakho iyonke.

Ukuba nje nilwa kakhulu akuthethi ukuba ubudlelwane benu buya kuphelela esiphelweni. Ubudlelwane bumalunga nokufumana amaxesha ahlekisayo nokuba nobabini nivutha ngumsindo. Xa ephathwa ngendlela eyiyo, anokunceda ukuphucula ukuhambelana kwenu njengesibini. Ukuba iingxabano zenu ziya zisiba nzima kwaye akukho nto ibonakala inciphisa ukungabi namdla, kufuneka ucinge ngeengcebiso zesibini ukuze ufumane unobangela weengxaki zenu. Ukuba ufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha, iqela labacebisi abanamava beBonobology likufutshane nje.

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoMatshi ka-2023.

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Igalelo lakho alilomnikelo wesisa . Liza kuvumela iBonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha noluhlaziyiweyo ekuzameni kwethu ukunceda nabani na emhlabeni ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.