Indlela yokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza-iindlela ezili-18 eziqinisekileyo

“Ndicinga ukuba uRoy uyatyibilika. Ungamenza njani abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza?” Xa uHana endandisebenza naye wandixelela oku, ndaguquka. Babenobudlelwane obukhulu. Ukuba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wabantu abafana nabo betsala nzima omnye komnye kwakungenakwenzeka kumntu onjengam owayesoloko engena ephuma kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Olwabo yayilolu hlobo lothando ndandinqwenela ukuba nalo. Ndambuza ukuba baxabene na, kodwa wathi bebehamba behlukana. Nangona kwakubuhlungu ukuva, kwandenza ndazibuza: Xa umfana ephelelwa ngumdla, ungayifumana kwakhona?

Oku kwenzeka kwiminyaka esibhozo eyadlulayo. UHana noRoy babhiyozela isikhumbuzo sabo sesithathu somtshato kule mpelaveki. Kodwa lo mbuzo wawundikhathaza. Ke ukuze ndifikelele kwingcambu yalo mbuzo, ndinxibelelane naye Preeti Khare, osebenza ngamadinga nokululekwa ngaphambi komtshato. Sancokola kamnandi, ibe wandicacisela into onokuyenza ukuze aphinde akuxabise. 

Iindlela ezili-18 eziqinisekileyo zokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza

Xa uziva ukuba iqabane lakho liphelelwa ngumdla, kunokukushiya ukhathazekile kwaye ungakhuselekanga ngokweemvakalelo malunga nobudlelwane. U-Preeti ucebisa ezi zizathu zilandelayo zokuba indoda yakho imke:

• Awusamhoyi: Sonke sinqwenela ukuthandwa nengqalelo yaye ukungabikho kwayo kunokumenza akhukuliseke
• Uthatha izinto lula: Awukholelwa ukuba imihla yesidlo sangokuhlwa iyafuneka emva komtshato, okanye kufuneka ubeke nayiphi na inzame kwinkangeleko yakho xa sele ungene naye.
• Omnye wenu unestresi: Umsebenzi okanye uxinzelelo lwemali kubudlelwane inokuba sesinye isizathu. Oku kunokukhokelela ekuweni kwe-libido, nto leyo enokuthi imtyhalele kude
• Uyathandana: Umntu wakho ungabona omnye umntu emva kwakho
• Ubudlelwane abenzi nto kuye: Ngamanye amaxesha abafana bayakhukuliseka kuba bebanjwe 'kwimeko elungileyo, ixesha elingalunganga'. Bayakuthanda, kodwa ubudlelwane abusebenzi kubo

Awunakwenza okuninzi xa iqabane lakho likude ngenxa yokuba liwela omnye umntu okanye liphelelwe luthando nawe. Kodwa ukuba nguwe odinga ukulungiswa, makhe sibone indlela yokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza.

1. Zibuze ukuba uyamfuna na

UPreeti uthi, “Ukungahloneli, ukuxhatshazwa, kunye nobutyhefu zizinto ezimbalwa ekungekho bani ufanele alalanise kuzo. Kufuneka uhlale ujonge iiflegi ezibomvu kwindoda yakho. Ulwalamano olunjalo lunobomi obufutshane kakhulu. Ngaphandle kokuba nobabini ninokusebenza kulwalamano, aluyi kusebenza. Nokuba ukhangela iindlela zokubuyela kunye ne-ex yakho okanye uzama ukuvuselela uthando oluya luphela emtshatweni wakho, qala uzibuze enoba uyalufuna ngokwenene kusini na. Ke, zinike ixesha elaneleyo lokugqiba ukuba uyalufuna na unxulumano okanye ngamampunge nje/okulindelekileyo ekuhlaleni/noxinzelelo lwemali.

• Yenza uluhlu lwe-pro-con ukugqiba ukuba ukubuyela kunye naye kuya kuba yinto efanelekileyo
• Hlalutya iimvakalelo zakho. Ngaba ufumana i-jittery okanye ixhala xa ucinga ukuba kunye naye? Ukuba wenza njalo, ayilophawu lulungileyo
• Yiba nomfanekiso wakho kunye naye nisenza izinto ezahlukeneyo imini yonke. Ngaba indlela aziphatha ngayo kwintelekelelo yakho yimbonakaliso yendlela aziphatha ngayo yokwenyani, okanye yintelekelelo yento ocinga ukuba kufanele ukuba yiyo? Ukuba yinto yokugqibela, uyazi ukuba uthandana nombono wakhe, kunokuba naye

2. Chaza isizathu sokuba emke

Njengazo zonke ezinye izinto kubudlelwane, ukulahlekelwa ngumdla kwiqabane lomntu kwenzeka ngokuthe ngcembe. Kunokuba nzima ukukhomba kanye xa yonke into yaqala ukuwa, kodwa ukunciphisa ingxaki kwisiganeko okanye umcimbi omkhulu / oqhubekayo unokunceda.

• Kungenzeka ukuba umfana wakho akaphelelwa ngumdla kubudlelwane, kodwa uzama ukuvavanya ikamva lakhe. Abanye abafana bahambe ngaphambi kokuba bahambe kuba bafuna ixesha kunye nendawo yokucinga kakuhle
• Iifoto zibambe isitshixo sokuvula iinkumbulo ezithile. Jonga imifanekiso yakho kwaye ulungise iimvakalelo. Kwiifoto ezibuhlungu, yintoni eyakwenza wabuhlungu? Ngaba ikho into ayithethileyo? Ngaba ikho into eyenzekayo ngaloo mini?
• Thetha nabahlobo bakho. Kuba uninzi lwethu lunomfanekiso we-hunky-dory wobudlelwane bethu, abahlobo bethu banokusinceda sibeke izinto ngendlela efanelekileyo.
• Ukuba unako, thetha nomfo wakho kwaye ufumanise ukuba kutheni engasenamdla. Ukuba oko kuvakala kulucelomngeni, mthumelele umyalezo. Yintoni yokuthumela umyalezo kumfana ophelelwe ngumdla? Elula. Thumela omnye wale mifanekiso ikhankanywe ngasentla kwaye ubuze ukuba kutheni ekhangeleka elumkile nje

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3. Yiba nguwe, uzithande

Ukuzithanda kulula ukuthetha kunokwenza. Kwaye iye yaba yi-spiral ethengisa kakhulu enokuthi ikufunxe kwilizwe le-skincare ebiza imali eninzi kunye namakhandlela anevumba elimnandi. Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ekuzibandakanyeni kuyo nayiphi na kuzo, kodwa ukuzithanda kuqala ngaphakathi, kungekhona ngezinto zangaphandle. Zama ukuthanda umntu omoshakeleyo kuwe, umntu owenze iimpazamo uyazisola, kwaye umfanisa nabanye kwaye uphoxeke ngenxa yokuba ungaphilanga / uphumelele / umhle / utshatile / ukhulelwe.

• Lahla imaski, ngakumbi malunga nomfo wakho. Ukuba kufuneka uzenze omnye umntu ukuze ube naye, akanguye umntu ofanelekileyo kuwe
• Yiba ngumlinganiswa ophambili webali lakho. Yenza ukhetho olulungele wena kwaye ungazivumeli ukuba uthathwe lula
• Xa uzithanda, ufuna ukuzama izinto ezikucela umngeni. Bonisa oku ngokuzenzekelayo kuye kwaye ummangalise ngokuzithemba kwakho

4. Mxabise

UPreeti uthi, “Ulwalamano lusekelwe kuvelwano, akunakuphinda umenze abe nomdla xa ungamhoyi.

Kuhlala kubonwa kubudlelwane bexesha elide ukuba abantu baqala ukuthatha amaqabane abo kunye nemigudu yabo. Research icebisa ukuba ukuvakalisa umbulelo kunokuphucula ubulunga bobudlelwane ekuhambeni kwexesha.Ungakholelwa ekuboniseni umbulelo wakho ngezimbo zomzimba, kodwa amazwi omeleza umbulelo ngendlela izimbo zomzimba ezingenakuze zibe nako.

• Mxelele ukuba uyambulela. Ukuba ukuthetha kuvakala kungathandeki, mhlawumbi ungahamba amanqaku amnandi othando kumfana wakho ukufumana kamva
• Mnike uzuko apho kufanelekile. Xelela abantu indlela alunge ngayo kwinto ayenzayo. Unokufumanisa ukuba akanazo izakhono ezithile, kodwa zama ukujonga izinto ezintle anazo
• Ngaba umfana olahlekelwe ngumdla unokubuya enombulelo owaneleyo? Mhlawumbi. Asifane sikuqonde oku, kodwa uninzi lonxunguphalo kubudlelwane kungenxa yokungaqapheli imizamo yomntu.
• Ngoxa ufanele umxabise ngoko akwenzayo, musa ukumphakamisa. Mxelele ukuba ulindele ukuba naye abelane ngomthwalo

5. Yiba ngumntu ofuna ukuthandana naye

UPreeti uthi: “Ngamanye amaxesha, xa sithetha ngomfana othandana naye, omnye umntu oxhomekeke kuye ulindele ukuba ndibaxelele iindlela zokumhenda okanye ndibalaselise wonke umsebenzi abawenzayo kulwalamano lwabo.” Kodwa ekuphela kwendlela onokumenza ngayo umfana abe nomdla kwakhona emva kokuba eswele kukuba ukulungele ukwenza iinguqulelo ezifanayo kuwe ngokwakho ofuna ukuba adlule kuzo.” Ufuna ukuba abe nenkathalo, azithembe, kwaye azimele; kufuneka uzimilisele ngokwakho ezo zithethe.

• Isiko elidumileyo lihlala lithetha ngomzimba wokuziphindezela okanye isinxibo sokuziphindezela. Ewe, kufuneka ujonge kwaye uzive ulungile. Kodwa kufuneka ibe yeyakho, ngendlela ephilileyo, ingabi yeyabanye abanqwenela ukuvunyelwa kwabo
• Ukwenza umthambo kukhupha i-serotonin, ihomoni yokuziva wonwabile. Qala umthambo omtsha. Hlaziya i-wardrobe yakho. Nikela naziphi na iimpahla ezingakuphathi kakuhle. Nxiba ngendlela oziva ngayo. Zisebenzele
• Yiyeke i-negativity. Seka uthungelwano lwabantu abaxhobisayo onokuchitha ixesha nabo. Khangela ama-adventure amatsha

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6. Indlela yokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza - Qinisekisa ukuba kufutshane ngokomzimba

Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba umfana wakho ulahlekelwa ngumdla kuwe, ngoko kufuneka ukhulise ukusondela kwakho kuye. Kwincwadi yakhe, Psychology Social, UJennifer Croyle uchonga ukusondela njengento ebalulekileyo ekuthandeni nasekunamatheleni. Ukusondela kunokuveliswa ngokudala iimeko ezifuna ukuba nobabini nibekho kwindawo, nisebenza ngokubambisana. Usenokuba uyibonile le cliche kwiimuvi ezininzi zaseHollywood ezifana Isindululo, indlela yokuphulukana nomfana kwiintsuku ezili-10, kwaye UnguNdoda. Ukuba wenza eli nyathelo ngokufanelekileyo, unako yenza umyeni wakho akukhumbule ngexesha lokwahlukana kakhulu.

• Yenza imeko apho nobabini kufuneka nibe kunye. Isenokuba ngumtshato, iprojekthi, okanye iholide. Thatha ukhetho lwakho
• Kuya kuba kuhle ukuba le meko ayinabo abantu abaninzi. Awufuni ukuba aphazamiseke
• Sukuyisebenzisa le meko njengethuba lokuxela uthando lwakho. Endaweni yoko, zama ukumnceda ngandlel’ ithile ukuze abone ubukho bakho buyamqinisekisa yaye buphumla
• Mfumane yedwa uthethe ngemiba okanye iingxaki zakhe. Menze ukuba abelane naye

7. Yenza imidiya yakho yentlalo ibe nemibala

Imidiya yoluntu ichaphazela ubudlelwane bakho ngeendlela ezininzi. Eli nyathelo liya kusebenza kuwe kuphela ukuba umntu wakho uyasebenza kumajelo asekuhlaleni. Ukuba awukwazi ukuba kufutshane nomntu ngokwasemzimbeni, yenza ukusondela ngokwenyani. Unokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza ngeetekisi okanye izithuba zeendaba zoluntu ukuba zenziwe ngokufanelekileyo.

• Ukuba nahlukene kutsha nje, linda iveki okanye ngaphambi kokuba uthumele nayiphi na imifanekiso ukunqanda ukujonga ulangazelelo lokuhoywa. Thumela imifanekiso ekusenokwenzeka ukuba akazange ayibone ngaphambili. Akufunekanga bagqibelele, kufuneka nje bakubonise ukwenza into entsha. Sebenzisa amagama afihlakeleyo kodwa afihlakeleyo
• Enye indlela yokuba krelekrele ngayo kukubhala kula maqonga afunyanwa ngabahlobo bakhe. Oku kunokuqala ingxoxo phakathi kwabo, ngokwandisa ukusondela kwenyani
• Qinisekisa ukuba imidiya yakho yentlalo ayikhupheli i-FOMO okanye i-narcissistic vibes. Thumela ngezinto ezikufutshane nentliziyo yakho endaweni yeendlela zokungavakali njengenkohliso

8 Nikela ingqalelo kuye

Yinkolelo eqhelekileyo, iqhutyelwe yiHollywood, ukuba unokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokungamhoyi. Ukungahoyi umntu kunokubangela ukuziphatha kokufuna imvume kwabanye abantu, kodwa kungekhona kuwo wonke umntu. Ukungamhoyi umntu onenkathalo kunokwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokulunga. UPreeti uthi, “Oku kunokusebenza ukuba umntu wakho unesitayile sokuncamathela esingakhuselekanga, kodwa kusenokubuya umva ukuba unendlela yokuphepha yokuncamathela. Ukongezelela, kunokukuchaphazela kakhulu ekubeni iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo zinokwahluka kunoko unokukunika.”

• Yiba ngumphulaphuli okhutheleyo. Gxininisa kulwimi lomzimba wakhe ukujonga izinto zakhe zendalo. Oku kuya kukuxelela ukuba umfana akonwabanga kubudlelwane
• Phawula oko kumbangela intlungu novuyo. Ukuba ubonakala ekhathazekile, zama ukumxhasa ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba uyavuya, bonisa ukuba uyavuya ngenxa yakhe
• Yitya kunye. Zama ukuthetha ngexesha lokutya endaweni yokugxila kwifowuni yakho. Yabelana ngento eyenzekayo ngosuku lwakho, kwaye ubuze malunga neyakhe. Gcina incoko iqhubeka

9. Phakamisa ubushushu kwigumbi lokulala

Ukwabelana ngesondo kunokuba sisixhobo esikhulu sokunxibelelana nothando lomntu kunye nomnqweno weqabane labo. Ukwabelana ngesondo kwandisa ukusondelana kwaye kunika ukukhululwa kuxinzelelo lobomi. Ukuba uziva ngathi ukhulela kude, ungacebisa impelaveki kwi-B&B ekude enolwamkelo lweefowuni oluncinci.

• Mbuze ukuba ufuna ukuzama into entsha na. Vula iimbono. Zama ukuba ukhululekile 
• Kwangaxeshanye, mxelele into oyithandayo. Ngokutsho kukaChristopher Bryan, umbhali we I-WTF Ngaba Amadoda Ayacinga?, amadoda ayayithanda xa ibhinqa lithatha ulawulo ebhedini
• Ukuba ucinga ukuba isondo esidala asisebenzi kuwe, unokuzama izixhobo ezifana ne-vibrators okanye i-dildos, okanye uzame iingcebiso ze-pro ngonyango lwezesondo.

10. Yiba ngumbutho wakhe wolonwabo olungekho ngokwesondo 

Nangona ukwabelana ngesondo kuyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yalo naluphi na ubudlelwane, zizinto ezibangela ulonwabo ezingezizo ezesondo ezenza umanyano lomelele. Ngamanye amazwi, kuya kufuneka uqinisekise ukuba unxulumana nokonwaba nawe. Mvuyise. Yiba dlalayo. Zama ukuba ungaphoxi okanye ube ndlongondlongo.

• Menze abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza ngeetekisi eziqaqambisa amaxesha angaqhelekanga ngamagqabaza ahlekisayo. Yintoni yokuthumela umyalezo kumfana ophelelwe ngumdla? Zama into enoburharha ukuze afune ukuncokola. Yenza iziqhulo zangaphakathi, kwaye ubuyise ezindala ukuze umkhumbuze ngamaxesha okuzonwabisa
• Sebenza kubuchule bakho bokudlala ngothando. Cinga ngezinye i-emojis yothando ukuthumela kwiqabane lakho ngaphandle kwe-eggplant. Zama ukongeza uburharha, ngelixa ubugcina buheha
• Yenza into emkhumbuza ngeenkumbulo ezintle. Cinga ngeholide eyayithetha lukhulu kuye okanye imini awayevuya ngayo, uze uzame ukuyihlaziya loo nto okanye uthethe ngayo ngothando. Ngexesha elizayo xa ecinga ngaloo mini, uya kuyinxulumanisa nawe

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11. Sebenzisa ulwimi lomzimba olufanelekileyo

Ulwimi lomzimba ludlala indima enkulu ekuvezeni iimvakalelo zomntu nasekudaleni ukukhululeka ukuze abanye baveze ezabo. Research icebisa ukuba isibini esiqhelekileyo sisebenzisa uluhlu lweempawu zobuso, njengokujongana kwamehlo ixesha elide kunye nokuthambeka kwamashiya, ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo zabo.

• Zama ukulinganisa intshukumo yomzimba yeqabane lakho. Zeengqondo cebisa ukuba ingenza iqabane lakho lizive likhululekile xa likuwe
• Angakunika iimpawu ezixubileyo. Ke, ngelixa kufuneka ubale lonke uncumo akunika lona njengoloyiso, kusenokungasoloko kuthetha ukuba ukulungele ukubuya.
• Dala uxinzelelo lwezesondo ngokudlala ngothando olufihlakeleyo kunye nokubamba kancinci. Yenza izinto ezizisa isaziso sakhe emlonyeni wakho okanye kwi-cleavage. Musa ukunikezela ngokulula. Menze ayisebenzele. Undoqo yingcinezelo yesini

12. Mnike ixesha nendawo

Ngelixa ukusondela kubudlelwane kubalulekile, kukwabalulekile kuni nobabini ukuba nibe nexesha lenu. Khumbula uCarrie kunye namantombazana, bethatha ikhefu kubudlelwane babo kwigumbi likaCarrie Ukwabelana ngesondo kunye neSixeko 2? Inokukunika amaphupha amabi kwiiklabhu ze-LA, kodwa kufuneka umnike indawo ukuze azive ecinezelekile kubudlelwane.

UPreeti uthi, "Indlela yokumenza abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza? Umgama unokwenza iqhinga. Umgama wenza intliziyo ikhule. Kufuneka nikhuthazane ukuba nithabathe uhambo lodwa, kude nempucuko ukuze niyiqonde kakuhle indima yakho kulwalamano. Xa uhamba, ukungabikho kwakho kuya kumenza aqonde oko akukhumbulayo. "

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13. Sebenzisa ithuku lakhe lamaqhawe

Ingcali yobudlelwane obaziwayo uJames Bauer uthetha ngethuku leqhawe kwincwadi yakhe, Ukuthabatheka Kwakhe Okuyimfihlo. Ngokutsho kukaBauer, onke amadoda anesidingo sebhayoloji sokuziva efunwa kubudlelwane. Ngamagama alula, ngaba umfana olahlekelwe ngumdla angabuya? Ewe, ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba uyamfuna.

• Mcele ukuba akuncede kwimisebenzi efuna umsebenzi othile womzimba, ukusuka ekuvuleni ingqayi ukuya ekulungiseni isinki. Mcele ukuba akuphe isicombululo kwingxaki elula, uze umxabise ngempendulo yakhe. Qinisekisa ukuba usebenzisa isisombululo phambi kwakhe. Le yindlela entle kakhulu yenza intshukumo yokuqala kumfo uzama ukuphumelela emva
• Mbuze uluvo lwakhe, ngakumbi kwiqela labantu. Ukuba unovalo kwaye uziva ngathi oko kuya kumbeka kwindawo ebonakalayo, mxelele ukuba izimvo zakhe zingcono kunabanye
• Menze azive eyindoda. Mxelele ukuba womelele/uzithembile/uyakhuthaza. Bhiyozela impumelelo yakhe, kwaye umkhuthaze ngalo lonke ixesha ezama into entsha ngaphandle kokuba ziziyobisi

14. Bonisa inkathalo yakho ngezimbo zomzimba nangamagama 

Kubudlelwane besini esahlukileyo, abasetyhini bahlala besebenza ngakumbi kunamadoda. Ngelixa amadoda emiselwe ukuba afumane imali yekhaya, abasetyhini abarholi nje kuphela kodwa benza zonke izinto ekhaya eziyimfuneko ekuqhubeni ikhaya. Oku kufuneka kube ngokwaneleyo kwisijekulo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ukubudlelwane obulinganayo, nokuba sisiphi na isini, kufuneka uye ngaphezulu nangaphezulu ukuze umzuze kwakhona.

• Indlela yokubuyisela ingqalelo yakhe komnye umfazi? Mfumanele izinto ebesoloko efuna ukuba nazo, kodwa angaze azithengele. Lungiselela amatheko amangalisayo anomxholo ophuma kwiimuvi azithandayo. Pheka izinto azithandayo
• Ukuba nahlukene, mcele ukuba abuyisele izinto zakhe. Mxelele ukuba kubuhlungu ukuyijonga
• Ukuba nidibene emva kwexesha elide, mxelele ngezenzo ukuba usayikhumbula into ayithandayo. Cebisa awukwazi ukumkhupha entlokweni yakho

15. Menze ukuba akuxabise kwakhona — Musa ukuphelelwa lithemba

Kulula ukukhukuliseka kwintsimi “yokwenza ngokugqithiseleyo” xa kufikelelwa ekuthandeni umntu. Ngelixa ukubonisa uthando lwakho kunye noxabiso yinxalenye ebalulekileyo 'yendlela yokumenza abe nomdla ngokukhawuleza' ikhosi yengozi, inokukwenza ungaboni ngasonye. Chonga apho ulele khona umda phakathi kokubonisa uthando lwakho nokugqithela elwandle. Kodwa unokufumana umfana onomdla kwakhona emva kokuba eswele kakhulu. Nantsi indlela:

• Tsala kude ukuze afune wena. Ungamvumeli akuthathe lula. Xa efunda ukukuhlonela, uya kufuna ukuba ube liqabane
• Ungamvumeli ukuba akusebenzise. Jonga ukuba ufuna ukuba umenzele inceba. Nceda naphi na apho unakho, kodwa lumka naziphi na iimeko apho ekucela ukuba ubeke esichengeni umsebenzi wakho, okanye ucele ixesha lakho okanye imali ukuze azuze. Sukwenza nantoni na ongakhululekanga ngayo
• Ukuba ukufowunela ebusuku kuphela kwaye akushiye ugodola ekuseni, ulapho ngenxa yesini kungekhona ubuhlobo. Yala umnxeba wokuphanga. Ungcono kunoko

16. Musa ukudlala imidlalo

UPreeti uthi: “Ukudlala imidlalo apho ubangela ukuba umntu aziphathe kakubi, uzenze ngathi awumhoyi, umenza abe nomona—la maqhinga axhaphakile, kodwa akasoloko esebenza.

• Sukumlandela kwaye uzame “ukungqubeka” kuye. Ukuba nobabini nakhe nahlukana kutshanje, kucacile ukuba nizama ukwenza ntoni. Singasathethi ke ukuba yihambo engafanelekanga kunye ne-borderline stalker
• Musa ukufumana abahlobo bakho abaqhelekileyo ukuba bamqhathe ukuba akubize kwakhona. Ujongela phantsi inkululeko yakhe yokuzikhethela
• Nokuba ufumanisa ukuba le midlalo ikusebenzela, qaphela ukuba uvelise uthando hayi kwiimvakalelo zakhe kuwe, kodwa ngokuthatha ithuba lokungazithembi kunye netyala. Kwaye xa sele ekhulile kuloo nto, akayi kufuna ukuba nawe

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17. Zama ukwenza abahlobo kunye nosapho lwakhe bakuthande

Abantu badla ngokufuna ukukholisa abahlobo neentsapho zabo ngoxa bekhangela iqabane. Kunokuba kuhle kuwe ukuba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye nabo. UEmmett, umfundisi-ntsapho waseAlaska, wandixelela ukuba waqhubeka ebonana nomama walowo wayesakuba naye nasemva kokwahlukana. Uthi, “Ukuba undibuza ukuba ndingenza njani ukuze aphinde abe nomdla kwakhona, ndiya kukuxelela ukuba wenze ubuhlobo nomama wakhe.” Wayedla ngokuthuka bonke abafana awayeza nabo ngokumbiza ngokuba nguEmmett.” Nangona yayimcaphukisile uTate okwethutyana, umama wakhe wayengoyena wavuya xa uTate wamcenga ekugqibeleni.

• Khumbula ukuba nobubele nobuhlobo kubahlobo bakhe. Ngoba uzodinga uncedo kwababantu uphinde wenze umfana abe ngawe ungakhange uthethe naye
• Chitha ixesha kunye nosapho kunye nabahlobo bakhe. Ukuqhelana nabo ku indlela eqinisekisiweyo yokufumana ingqalelo yomfana ngaphandle kokuba uyaluthiya usapho lwakhe
• Musa ukuthandabuza ukubacela uncedo, kodwa khumbula umahluko phakathi koncedo kunye nokukhohlisa. Khumbula, akukho midlalo

18. Musa ukugragrama — Qhubeka

Xa umfana ephelelwa ngumdla, ungayifumana kwakhona? Kuxhomekeke kwizinto ezininzi. Kodwa nokuba ayisebenzi, ngaphandle kwemizamo yakho emihle, awukwazi ukuhlala phantsi kwaye unethemba lokuba yonke into iya kuzihambela. Thatha ixesha lakho, kodwa uqhubeke.

• Mbuze kwasekuqaleni ukuba ukulungele na ukuzibophelela. Ungalibazisi ukuphuma ukuba isigqibo sakhe asidibani nesakho
• Mbonise ukuba ungaphila ngaphandle kwakhe. Ukuba uxhomekeke kuye ngokwasezimalini, kungcono ufunde izakhono ezithile zemali. Cela inkxaso kubahlobo ngelixa umi ngeenyawo. Gxininisa ekuzimeleni ngokwasemalini. Imali ayinakuthenga uthando, kodwa uya kuziva ungcono ukuba wedwa ukuba unophahla phezu kwentloko yakho

Yintoni eMangayenzi xa iGuy ikhupha

Nangona uziva utyumkile kwaye ungenakuzinceda ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba umfana wakho akasenamdla kuwe, eyona nto imbi onokuyenza kukujongana naye. Kukho izizathu ezininzi zokuba azive ekude. Isenokuba luxinzelelo lomsebenzi okanye usapho, okanye ukubetha nje phambi kokuba enze. Kodwa usenokuyenza mandundu imeko yakhe. Unokwenza umfana aphinde afane nawe ngaphandle kokuthetha naye ngokumnika ixesha nendawo. Nokuba wenza ntoni na, qiniseka ukuba UNGAKWENZI oku kulandelayo ukuba ufuna ukwazi ukuba ungamenza njani abe nomdla kwakhona ngokukhawuleza:

1. Musa ukumsukela

Enoba mfo wakho ukutsala kude ngenxa yokuba ulahlekelwe umdla kubudlelwane, okanye ngenxa yaso nasiphi na esinye isizathu, ukuleqa emva kwakhe kuya kumenza azive efutha. Mnike ithuba lokuba asebenze kwiimvakalelo zakhe.

• Musa ukumkhathaza ngenxa yokulahlekelwa yi-libido, okanye ukunciphisa umdla wokuya kumaqela, okanye ungafuni ukuba phezulu kwindlela yakhe yokuziphatha. Ukudinwa kobudlelwane kwenzeke ngolo hlobo
• Ukuba akaphenduli emva kwetekisi yokuqala okanye ayishiye ifundwa, akafuni kuthetha. Thatha icebiso. Myeke
• Sukuzibaxa izinto ezothusayo – ufika eofisini yakhe nesidlo sasemini, okanye umthumelele iikeyiki ngelixa esendlini yabazali bakhe.
• Yihlonele iminqweno yakhe ukuba ucela ukuba yedwa kangangexesha elithile. Inokukhathaza, kodwa ngumda wakhe lowo

2. Musa ukumenza azive enetyala ngenxa yoko

Ungazami ukumenza ityala kubudlelwane nawe. Ukuba uthando lwakho lunemiqathango, ngoko lolokwexeshana. Ukuba usebenzisa naziphi na izehlo zangaphambili okanye izinto ezithandwayo njengegunya lokumenza ahlale kubudlelwane, oko kubonakala kuphela njengesenzo sokukhohlisa kunye nobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa.

• Musa ukukhupha uluhlu lwamaxesha oye wamnceda njengesizathu sokuba angaphelelwa ngumdla kuwe. Ukuba kukho nantoni na, kufana nokubamba umntu
• Musa ukuzenzakalisa ukuze umgcine esondele kuwe
• Ngokungafaniyo nabazali bethu abaninzi abacebisayo, ukuba nomntwana akusombululi nto. Ungamkhohlisi ukuba abelane ngesondo lokwahlukana ngelixa ungekho kulawulo lokuzala. Iyangxola ukukhohlisa nokungahloniphi imvume yomntu. Ukongeza, akukho siqinisekiso sokuba umntwana uya kuba nako yenza indoda ibuye emva kokwahlukana

3. Musa ukuzigxeka

Abantu basenokuphelelwa luthando. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba isoloko imalunga nawe. Ngamanye amaxesha, nezona zinto zincinci zinokuthi idomino ingalawuleki. Ungachonga isiganeko esiqale konke, kodwa ngokusisiseko, luhambo lokukhula kude omnye komnye.

• Zinike ixesha lokuba buhlungu. Lila, ukuba kufuneka. Yeka ukucinga ukuba lityala lakho
• Bhala ijenali. Eli xesha linokukhokelela ekucingeni ngokugqithisileyo kunye nokuxhalaba. Ukubhala iimvakalelo zakho kunokukunceda uhlalutye eyona nto ikuphetheyo 
• Funa inkxaso kubahlobo bakho. Banokukunceda ufumane imbono 

Abantu abakubudlelwane obaphukileyo bahlala bezibuza ukuba iqale njani le ntlekele. Xa sithetha inyani, akukho mntu unokuchonga isibini esithe ngqo ukuba yehlile. Ubomi bubangcono kuthi. Siqala ukungawahoyi amaqabane ethu kunye nokuba singoobani. Ngenxa yoko, umdla weqabane lakho usenokuqala ukwehla. Kusenokonakalisa ulwalamano lwenu, kukhokelela kwiingxabano ezingenamsebenzi, okanye kumnyanzele ezingalweni zomnye umntu. Ke ngoko, kubalulekile ukuvuselela loo ntlantsi kwaye ngokukhawuleza utsale ingqalelo yeqabane lakho. Nangona kunjalo, hlala ukhumbula ukuba ngelixa into inokukusebenzela, isenokungenzeki komnye umntu. Uqhagamshelwano ngalunye luneempawu ezizodwa. Kodwa ezinye izinto, njengovelwano nomonde, zihlala zisebenza ngcono kunezinye.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.