Ngaba utyholwa ngokukopa xa umsulwa? Nantsi into omawuyenze

Ukutyholwa ngokuqhatha xa umsulwa kunokuba ngamava awothusayo kwaye adideke. Khawucinge ngebali likaJake noEmily. Bekunye iminyaka emithathu emnandi kwaye babelane ngamaxesha angenakubalwa ovuyo, ukuhleka, kunye nothando. Ngobunye ubusuku, uJake ufika ekhaya eze kufumana uEmily enomsindo. Uqinisekile ukuba akathembekanga emva kokubona iposti yemidiya yoluntu engacacanga evela kumhlobo. Nangona ekhalazela ukuba msulwa, izityholo zikaEmily ziya zisanda kwaye zizingisa ngakumbi, zimenza buhlungu uJake. 

Indlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela xa utyholwa ngobuxoki ngumxube womothuko, umsindo, nokudideka. Kwenzeka njani ukuba ukuthembana kuphele ngokukhawuleza ngenxa yokungaqondani? Angathini umntu omthandayo nomthembileyo acinge ukuba uya kumngcatsha? Izityholo zobuxoki zinokonakalisa kakhulu ubudlelwane benu, zidale ukungathembani kunye nokungakhuseleki. 

Siye sathetha nomcebisi wezengqondo Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), ojongene nobudlelwane, ukuhlukana, kunye neengcebiso ze-LGBTQ, malunga nezityholo zobuxoki intsingiselo, izizathu kunye neempawu zesityholo sobuxoki, indlela izityholo zobuxoki ezitshabalalisa ngayo ubudlelwane, kunye nendlela yokuphendula xa umntu ekumangalela ngento ongayenzanga.

Kutheni iqabane lakho lisenza izityholo zobuxoki-izizathu eziqhelekileyo

Ngaphambi kokuba sifikelele kwisizathu, masiqonde intsingiselo yezityholo zobuxoki. Kuthetha ukutyhola umntu ngento angayenzanga. Idla ngokubangelwa kukungaqondani, ukungakhuseleki, okanye ubudlelwane obudlulileyo. La mabango angenasiseko nangenasihlahla anokwenzakalisa iimvakalelo, wonakalise ukuthembana, kwaye adale ukruthakruthwano, akwenze kube yimfuneko ukuwalungisa ngokuzolileyo nangobulungisa.

Izityholo ezihlala zihleli kubudlelwane zinokubangela umonakalo osisigxina ukuba zisingathwanga ngendlela engachanekanga, yiyo loo nto ukuqonda ukuba kutheni iqabane lakho lisenza izityholo zobuxoki linyathelo lokuqala lokusombulula lo mba. Xa usiqonda isizathu sokuziphatha okunjalo, uya kukwazi ukuyiqonda imeko uze ufumanise oko kufuneka kwenziwe ukuze kuphetshwe iimvakalelo ezinjalo. Funda ukuze wazi izizathu ezimbalwa eziqhelekileyo ezibangela izityholo ezinjalo. 

1. Babonisa ukungakhuseleki kwabo kuwe

Ukutyhola umntu ngobuqhetseba kuthetha lukhulu ngommangaleli kunomntu omtyholayo. Ukuba ukwisiphelo sokufumana izityholo ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba oku akukho malunga nawe njengoko kusenokuba malunga neqabane lakho elizama ukufihla ukungakhuseleki kwabo.

Intelekelelo yindlela yokuzikhusela apho umntu oneemvakalelo ezingathandekiyo ngokwakhe etyhola abanye abamngqongileyo ngokuba neemvakalelo ezifanayo kuba kubuhlungu kubo ukwamkela into efanayo ngaphakathi kubo. Umzekelo, a iqabane elinomona betyhola amaqabane abo ngokuba ngomona.

Dhriti Bhavsar, ingcali yengqondo yeengcebiso

Xa ulwalamano lomntu kunye nesiqu sakhe lonakalisiwe, ulwalamano lwabo naye wonke umntu lukwahlelwa lishwangusha elifanayo. Ke xa iqabane lakho liqala ukwenza izityholo zobuxoki, kuqhelekile kuba:

• Abakholelwa ukuba balufanele uthando
• Bavakalelwa kukuba abalungelanga, yiyo loo nto benokuthi baveze ezi mvakalelo kubudlelwane
• Bakholelwa ukuba unokufumana lula umntu ongcono kunabo
• Baye babandakanyeka ekungathembeki kwaye bakutyhola yindlela yabo yokuphelisa ubutyala babo okanye uloyiko lokubhaqwa.

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2. Imiba yokuthenjwa

Ukuba bekukho imbali yokuqhekeka kwentembeko, nangeendlela ezincinci, iqabane lakho linokufumanisa kunzima ukukukholelwa. Oku kungabikho kokuthembana kunokubonakala njengezityholo ezingenasihlahla zokuqhatha, njengoko zisenokukhawuleza ukucinga ngezona zinto zimbi ngaphandle kobungqina obubambekayo. UDhriti uthi,

“Iqabane lakho kusenokwenzeka ukuba lisebenzisana nalo imiba yokuthembela. Ngenxa yoko, bayasokola ukuba nokholo kuwe okanye bakwenze ube namathandabuzo.”

Dhriti Bhavsar, ingcali yengqondo yeengcebiso

Esinye isizathu inokuba lubudlelwane obungaphumeleliyo obudlulileyo. Amava exesha elidlulileyo, ingakumbi lawo abandakanya ukungcatshwa okanye ukungathembeki, anokushiya amanxeba ahlala ehleli. Ukuba iqabane lakho liye laqhathwa kwixesha elidlulileyo, banokuthwala ezo loyiko kubudlelwane bakho bangoku. Oku kunokukhokelela ekurhaneleni okuphakamileyo kunye notyekelo lokukumangalela ngobuxoki ngokukopela njengendlela yokuzikhusela ukuphepha ukwenzakaliswa kwakhona.

3. Ukungafani kwezimbo zokuncamathela

Isimbo sokuncamathela somntu sithetha kakhulu malunga nendlela abanxibelelana ngayo kunye namava othando. Izitayile eziqhotyoshelweyo, ophuhliswe kwasebutsheni obusekelwe ekusebenzisaneni nabakhathaleli, iphembelela indlela abantu ababona ngayo nabaziphatha ngayo kubudlelwane. UDhriti uyacacisa,

"Indlela yokuncamathela engakhuselekanga ngenxa yokwenzakala kwangaphambili kwasebuntwaneni okanye kubudlelwane bangaphambili kunokuba negalelo elikhulu ekungaqondani kunye nezityholo zobuqhetseba." 

Dhriti Bhavsar, ingcali yengqondo yeengcebiso

Ukuba iqabane lakho linesitayile sokuncamathela esinexhala, banokubona izikhombisi zokungathembeki ku:

• Izenzo ezizimeleyo
• Okanye imfuneko yendawo yobuqu

Kwelinye icala, abantu abanesitayile sokuncamathisela sokuphepha:

• Kuxabise ukuzimela geqe 
• Kwaye usenokungakhululeki ngokusondelana kakhulu. 

Ukuba unendlela yokuphepha yokuncamathela kwaye iqabane lakho aliyiqondi imfuno yakho yendawo, banokutolika ngendlela yokuziphatha kwakho njengeempawu zokufihla okanye ukukopela.

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4. Impembelelo yabanye

Ukuba uyazibuza, "Kutheni intombi yam isoloko indityhola ngokuqhatha?" okanye "Kutheni iqabane lam lihlala lindityhola ngokungathembeki?", Yazi ke ukuba ngamanye amaxesha, iimpembelelo zangaphandle ezifana:

• abahlobo
• usapho
• Imidiya yokuncokola

…inokuhlwayela imbewu yamathandabuzo. Ukuba umntu osondeleyo kwiqabane lakho ucebisa ukuba unokuba ukukopela kubudlelwane, kunokubangela ukukrokrelana okungenasihlahla. Iimbono kunye namava abanye banokuba nefuthe elinamandla kwindlela iqabane lakho elijonga ngayo izenzo kunye neenjongo zakho.

5. Ezinye iimeko zeemeko kunye nezengqondo

Nazi ezinye izizathu ezinokwenzeka, nangona zincinci, izizathu zokumangalela iqabane lakho ngokukopa ngaphandle kobungqina:

Ukulawula kunye nokulayita igesi

Izityholo ezingeyonyani zokuqhatha zikholisa ukungena kunye nokulayita igesi kubudlelwane, eliqhinga lokukhohlisa ngokwasengqondweni apho elinye iqabane likhanyela okanye ligqwetha iinyani ukwenza omnye abuze ubunyani bayo. Ngokomzekelo, ummangaleli usenokuthi, “Ubusoloko uzifihlile,” kwanaxa oko kungeyonyaniso, ukuze athethelele ukukrokra kwabo okungapheliyo. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, iqabane elityholwayo liqala:

• Ukuthandabuza inkumbulo yabo, ithoni, okanye izenzo
• Ukwenza ukubhideka 
• Ukuziva unetyala ngento abangazange bayenze

Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kummangaleli

Izityholo ezininzi zobuxoki ziphenjelelwa kukugqwetheka kwengqondo okanye izihluzo zengqondo ezijija ingqiqo. Eziqhelekileyo ziquka:

• Ukucinga okumnyama namhlophe: Ukuba awusoloko ufumaneka, kumele ukuba kukho into oyifihlayo”
• Ukwenza intlekele: “Uncumele umntu, ngoko ngokuqinisekileyo uyaqhatha”
• Ukufunda kwengqondo: “Ndiyayazi ukuba uyaxoka nokuba uthi awukho”

Oku kugqwetheka kuvela ngenxa yokungakhuseleki, ukwenzakala okungasonjululwanga, okanye ukuxhalaba, kwaye zenza unxibelelwano olunenjongo luphantse lube yinto engenakwenzeka de lulungiswe ngonyango.

“Iimeko ezithile zengqondo, ezinje ngeparanoia nezinye ezinxulumeneyo imiba yengqondo zinokubangela izityholo zobuxoki. Ezi meko zinokuyigqwetha indlela iqabane lakho elizijonga ngayo izinto zokwenene, nto leyo ekhokelela ekubeni akholelwe ekukrexezeni ngaphandle kobungqina bokwenene.”

Dhriti Bhavsar, ingcali yengqondo yeengcebiso

Impembelelo yengqondo yokutyholwa ngokukopela

Ngaphambi kokuba sixoxe ngendlela yokucoca igama lakho kwizityholo zobuxoki kubudlelwane bothando, makhe siphendule omnye umbuzo obalulekileyo: ngaba uhlala etyhola umntu ngokuqhatha ukuxhaphaza? Ewe yiyo. Ukuhlala utyhola umntu ngento angayenzanga kukuxhatshazwa kunye iziphumo zengqondo yezityholo zobuxoki kubudlelwane kunokubangela umonakalo omkhulu kwimpilo yengqondo kunye nentlalo-ntle yomntu ekufumaneni izityholo ezinjalo. 

Izityholo zobuxoki zokuqhatha zisenokubangela umonakalo kulwalamano lothando, nto leyo edla ngokukhokelela ekubeni ekugqibeleni luphele. Xa ubani etyholwa ngokungafanelekanga ngokukrexeza, iziseko zokuthembana nentlonelo zinokuwohloka, nto leyo ebangela umonakalo ohlala uhleli. NgokukaDhriti, ngezantsi ziindlela zokwenzakala ngenxa yokutyholwa ngokukhohlisa kuchaphazela impilo yengqondo yexhoba kwaye kutshabalalise ubudlelwane:

1. Kwenza buthathaka ukholo nokholo

Ukuthembana sisiseko salo naluphi na ulwalamano oluthembanayo. Izityholo ezisoloko zisenziwa kubudlelwane zijongela phantsi oku kuthembana, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima kumaqabane ukukholelwa omnye komnye. 

• Oku konakala kwentembeko lwenza buthathaka iqhina kunye nokholo olubambe ubudlelwane kunye
• Iqabane elityholwayo lisenokusokola ukuthemba ukuba iqabane labo liya kuba nokholo kuye ukuba liqhubele phambili
• Ummangaleli usenokuqhubeka ethandabuza

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2. Idala intiyo nengqumbo

Uhlala utyhola umntu ngokuqhatha gadalala, unokubuza? UDhriti uthi: “Izityholo zobuxoki zikhokelela kwintiyo nengqumbo ngenxa yokungakholelwa, ukuqondwa nokungahlonelwa.

Iqabane elimangalelweyo liziva lingaqondwa kakuhle kwaye lingahlonelwa, nto leyo ekhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezinzulu ezinjengomsindo kunye nokudandatheka. Ukunqongophala kwenkolelo kunye nokuqonda kwiqabane labo kukhuthaza ukujula ukucaphuka kubudlelwane, nto leyo enokuba lucelomngeni ukuyoyisa. Le ntiyo inokungena kuzo zonke iinkalo zobudlelwane, yenze uxolelwaniso lube nzima.

3. Ubangela ukuxinezeleka ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuphazamiseka

Ukusoloko kufuneka uzikhusele kwizityholo zobuxoki ezinjalo kukhokelela kunxunguphalo olukhulu lweemvakalelo kunye nesiphithiphithi. Umtyholwa weqabane ufumana isaqhwithi seemvakalelo ezinzulu, eziquka:

• unxunguphalo
• Intukuthelo
• Intukuthelo
• Uxhala

Imvakalelo eqhubekayo yokulahlwa ngothando kunye nokungakholelwa kunokukhokelela kwintlungu ebuhlungu yeemvakalelo, ukuphazamisa ukuvisisana kobudlelwane.

4. Ibeka emngciphekweni ukuzithemba nokuzithemba

Izityholo zobuxoki zinokuba sisisongelo esibalulekileyo kukuzithemba nokuzithemba. Ukuba ezi zityholo zifikelela kwinqanaba lokutshiswa kwegesi, ixhoba lisenokuqalisa ukuzibuza, lizibuza enoba ngandlel’ ithile lufanelwe yimpatho enjalo kusini na. Olu lawulo lweemvakalelo:

• Kwaye bajongele phantsi ukuzithemba kwabo kwiimbono kunye nezenzo zabo.
• Inokubenza bazive bexabisekile
• Benze bazive benetyala

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5. Ikhokelela ekubeni nexhala kunye nokudakumba

Enye impendulo ebalulekileyo malunga nokuba uhlala etyhola njani umntu ngokukopela gadalala kukuba kunokukhokelela kwimiba enzulu yempilo yengqondo. Iqabane elityholwayo linokuba namava:

• Buhlungu
• Ukuphelelwa lithemba
• Ukunceda

Oku kunokuthi ekugqibeleni kuguquke kukukhathazeka okanye ukudandatheka. Uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo rhoqo kunye nesiphithiphithi kuchaphazela impilo yabo yengqondo, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima ukugcina imbono entle ngobomi kunye nobudlelwane.

Indlela yokuphendula xa utyholwa ngokukopela?

Ngoku sithethe ngezizathu kunye nemiphumo yokumangalela ngobuxoki umntu wokungathembeki, makhe sixoxe ngendlela yokucoca igama lakho kwizityholo zobuxoki. Ngokwemvelo, ukuba nomsindo kwisityholo esingenasiseko mhlawumbi yeyona ndlela yokusabela kubantu abaninzi. Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka wazi ukuba ayizukukunceda kwityala lakho. Kwelinye icala, ukuba awunamdla kwaphela, uphunga ikofu yakho ngelixa uthetha ngethoni ye-villain-esque yomhlaba, uya kujongeka njenge-jerk. Ngoko, yintoni kanye ofanele uyenze? Nanga amanye amanyathelo ayimfuneko omawuwathathe ukuze ujonge imeko.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokuLumkela uBudlelwane beeFlegi eziBomvu-Ingcaphephe iyakuxelela

1. Zola

Indlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela xa utyholwa ngobuxoki idla ngokuba nomsindo. Nangona kunjalo, eyona nto ilungileyo onokuyenza ukuba utyholwa ngokukopa kodwa umsulwa kukwenza oko wulawule umsindo wakho. Ukucaphuka ngokupheleleyo sisityholo kuya kubangela ukuba:

• Omnye wenu ephuma egqwashula 
• Incoko ayizange ifikelele esiphelweni
• Ukwenza ubonakale unetyala

Iya kuba yeyona nto inzima kakhulu ekufuneka uyenzile, kodwa ukuba unokuhlala uzolile, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba incoko enentsingiselo iya kwenzeka kwaye ifikelele esiphelweni ngokunjalo.

2. Musa ukuyijikela kubo

"Owu, Ndikhoyo lo ukuqhathayo? Uza kuthini xa u…” Hayi, sukumjikela iqabane lakho kwaye uzibandakanye ukubeka ityala. Kwiimpembelelo zakho ezizaliswe ngumsindo, unokuzisa izinto malunga neqabane lakho elikucaphukisayo, mhlawumbi liya kugqiba ukwenza ubudlelwane obunobungozi ngaphezu kokulungileyo. Ukuba uyazikhusela ngokugqithisileyo kwaye utshintshe isihloko sengxoxo, iya kugcina ikwenza ujongeka ukrokrela ngakumbi. 

Izityholo zobuxoki zikhokelela kwintiyo nengqumbo, nto leyo elwenza buthathaka ngakumbi ulwalamano.

Dhriti Bhavsar, ingcali yengqondo yeengcebiso

Ukuba utyholwa ngokukopa xa umsulwa, kubalulekile ukuba uhlale uzolile kwaye uzame ukusasaza imeko kuqala. Imiba onayo unokulinda kuba iqabane lakho alikho kwimeko yengqondo esempilweni ngoku.

3. Qonda izizathu kunye nembono yabo

Izityholo zobuxoki zihlala zivela:

• Amava abuhlungu exesha elidlulileyo
• U khu seleko
• Ukuzijongela phantsi
• Imiba yokulawula

Ukuqonda imbono yabo kunokukunceda uqonde oyena nobangela wokukrokra kwabo. UDhriti uyacacisa, “Khumbula ukuba lo mbandela umalunga neqabane lakho kunawe. Xa uzama ukujongana nezityholo zobuxoki kubudlelwane, eyona nto ingcono onokuyenza kukubeka umnqwazi wakho womcuphi, endaweni yokuzilungiselela ukulwa. Zama ukuqonda:

• Kutheni iqabane lakho livakalelwa ngolu hlobo?
• Ngaba baye baqhathwa kubudlelwane obudlulileyo?
• Ngaba banokungakhuseleki okunokuba kuphembelela ezi zityholo?

Buza imizekelo ethile okanye iimeko apho bavakalelwa kukuba wenze ngendlela ethile. 

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4. Kuphephe ukuzithethelela

Izityholo zobuxoki zidla ngokubangela ukungaqondani okuninzi. Ummangaleli usenokuzichaza ngendlela engafanelekanga izenzo ezimsulwa njengezikrokrelekayo, ngoxa ummangalelwa usenokuzithethelela. Oku kulwenza buthathaka ngakumbi ubudlelwane, kudala umjikelo wamathandabuzo kunye nongquzulwano phakathi kwesibini. Ke, naxa ucacisa iimpawu zesityholo sobuxoki, qiniseka ukuba:

• Zivume iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho endaweni yokumgxotha
• Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo
• Baqinisekise ngeyakho ukuzibophelela kubudlelwane
• Nceda iqabane lakho lilungise ukungakhuseleki kwalo

Kuya kwenza iqabane lakho livakalelwe kukuba iimvakalelo zabo kunye neenkxalabo zibalulekile kuwe. Kuya kuninceda nobabini ukuba nisebenze kunye ukwakha ubudlelwane bokuthembana.

5. Zikhathalele

Impilo yakho yengqondo inokuhamba iphoswe ukuba izityholo ziyaqhubeka. Kubalulekile ukuba uzikhathalele kwaye ubeke phambili impilo-ntle yakho iyonke. UDhriti uyacebisa:

• Ukuthetha nabahlobo kunye nosapho
• Ukwayama kwinkqubo yakho yenkxaso
• Ukuqinisekisa ukuba awuzihoyi iimfuno zakho ngelixa uzama ukusombulula umba 
• Ukuzibandakanya ukuzinakekela imisebenzi
• Ukugcina impilo enempilo

Ukuzinyamekela kuya kukunceda uphile kwaye uqhubeke.

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6. Funa uncedo lweengcali

“Ukuba izityholo ziyaqhubeka, qwalasela unyango lwezibini”, ucebisa njalo uDhriti. Ingcibi inoku:

• Nceda ulamle incoko
• Ukubonelela ngezicwangciso zokuvuselela ukuthembana
• Nika indawo ekhuselekileyo nengathathi hlangothi ukuze wena kunye neqabane lakho nilungise imiba esisiseko 
• Nceda ukuphucula umsantsa wonxibelelwano okanye ingxaki

Ukujongana nezityholo zobuxoki kunokuba lucelomngeni, kwaye isikhokelo sobuchule sinokwenza umahluko omkhulu.

7. Camngca ngolwalamano

Ngokutsho kukaDhriti, iqabane ekupheleni kokufumana izityholo kufuneka "lithathe inyathelo kwaye lijonge ubudlelwane bobudlelwane" obukhokelela kwimeko enjalo ngaphambi kokuba enze nasiphi na isigqibo. Ucebisa ukuba ujonge ipateni yoxhatshazo - ubone ukuba:

• Le yipateni ephinda-phindayo
• Iqabane lakho lineemvakalelo ezingathandekiyo
• Bazama ukwenza ukuba uzive unetyala
• Yindlela yabo yokulawula kunye neentloni

Siyavuma. Kufuneka uthathe inyathelo emva kwaye ucinge ngobudlelwane ngentloko ezolileyo. Ngaba ezi zityholo zisenzeka kanye, okanye ngaba kukho ukungathembani? Ukuqonda kwakho ubudlelwane Dynamics inokukunceda wenze isigqibo sokuba uqhubeke njani. 

8. Zibekele imida

Ukutyholwa ngokukopa rhoqo kunokudinisa yaye kuyingozi, kungoko uDhriti ecebisa “ukumisela imida ephilileyo” ukuze ukhusele impilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo. Thetha neqabane lakho malunga:

• Ukuba bucala
• elubala
• Indawo yomntu
• uqhagamshelwano

Cacisa ngokucacileyo oko kwamkelekileyo noko kungamkelekanga. Baxelele ukuba kuya kubakho iziphumo ukuba le mida yaphulwa. Yazisa iqabane lakho ukuba ngelixa uzimisele ukuxoxa ngezinto ezibaxhalabisayo, izityholo ezihlala zihleli ezingenasihlahla akwamkelekanga. 

9. Gcina unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo

Ukuba utyholwa ngokukopa xa umsulwa, vakalisa iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ucacise ukuma kwakho. Mchazele ngokuzolileyo ukuba akukhange uqhathe. Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo ngundoqo ekusombululeni ukungaqondani kubudlelwane. Kuyo yonke le nkqubo, zama uku:

• Gcina imigca yonxibelelwano neqabane lakho ivulekile
• Sebenzisa unxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo
• Baqinisekise rhoqo
• Bakhuthaze ukuba bafune uncedo lweengcali, ukuba luyimfuneko

UDhriti uthi, “Khuthaza iqabane lakho ukuba lisebenzise amazwi athi ‘Mna’—”Ndizive … xa ubusenza …”, endaweni yokuthi “Wenzile …. kum.” Oku kushenxisa ingqwalasela kwimvakalelo endaweni yesityholo.” Ikhuthaza ixhoba ukuba linikel’ ingqalelo yaye lichaze indlela elivakalelwa ngayo kunokuba libandakanyeke kumdlalo wokutyhola iqabane lalo.” 

Noko ke, ulumkisa ngelithi: “Asiyombopheleleko yakho kuphela ukuphelisa konke ukungaqondani, ngumzamo ohlanganyelweyo.

10. Ukuba uziva ufuthaniselekile, hamba

Ukutyholwa ngokuqhatha yonke imihla kunokubangela uxinezeleko nokufuthanisela. Ukuba iqabane lakho liqala ukugcina i-tab kuwe ngokungathi ungumntwana- 

• Iminxeba rhoqo
• Ukukubuza malunga nokuba uphi kwaye udibana nabani
• Ukuhamba ngefowuni yakho kunye nee-imeyile
• Ukulandela imidiya yakho yentlalo

... emva koko unokufuna ukuphinda uqwalasele ubudlelwane bakho. Ukuba iqabane lakho liyaqhubeka likumangalela ngobuxoki ngaphandle kwemizamo yakho emihle, kusenokuba lixesha lokuhamba. Ukuhlala utyhola umntu ngokukopela luhlobo lwe ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo. 

Iziphumo zengqondo yezityholo zobuxoki kubudlelwane zibandakanya imiba yokuthembana kakhulu ekunzima ukuyibuyisela kuyo. Ubudlelwane bumele ukukunceda ube yeyona nguqulelo ilungileyo kuwe kwaye ukwenze wonwabe. Ukuba ikwenza ukuba uxoke malunga nabani na ohamba naye, ngoko ke lubudlelwane obungenampilo okanye obuguquguqukayo ukuba ube phakathi kwakho.

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11. Nika ubungqina kwaye ucoce igama lakho

Ukunika ubungqina bokuxhasa ubumsulwa bakho kubalulekile ukucoca igama lakho kwizityholo zobuxoki. Ukuba kukho ubungqina bokuba isityholo sibubuxoki, sinike iqabane lakho. Oku kunokunceda ukususa amathandabuzo okanye iinkxalabo abanazo kwaye komeleze ityala lakho. Oku kunokubandakanya:

• Ukwabelana ngendawo okuyo
• Ibonisa imiyalezo
• Ukubandakanya abahlobo okanye amalungu osapho anokukuqinisekisa

Ngelixa isenokuziva ihlasela, ngamanye amaxesha ubungqina obubambekayo buyimfuneko ukuze ucime igama lakho kwizityholo zobuxoki. Isidima sakho akufunekanga singcoliswe ngokungafanelekanga. “Namathela kwinyaniso yakho kwaye ube nokholo kuwe. Ziqinisekise namava akho,” utsho uDhriti.

Ukomeleza njani ukuThemba kunye nokuThintela izityholo zobuxoki

Ukutyholwa ngobuxoki kanye kunokugungqisa ukuzithemba kwakho, kodwa xa kusenzeka ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kubonisa ingxaki enzulu: ukunqongophala ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuthembela. Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba izibini zinokuphinda zilwakhe olu khuseleko ngokusebenzisa izinto ezingaguqukiyo neziselubala. 

1. Ziqhelanise nonxibelelwano oluselubala

Ukuvuleleka kudala ukhuseleko. Endaweni yokuchaza ngokugqithisileyo yonke into eniyenzayo, vumelanani malunga nokuba kukhangeleka njani elubala kuni nobabini.

Oko kusenokuthetha ukuba:

• Ukungena kube kanye ngemini ukuba nohlukene
• Ukunyaniseka ngezicwangciso ngaphandle koloyiko lokuncinwa
• Ukugcina amagama ayimfihlo ayimfihlo kodwa ukuziphatha kuvuliwe

Ukungafihli akukho malunga nolawulo; imalunga nokususa indawo apho iingqikelelo zizala khona.

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2. Misela ngokucacileyo okulindelekileyo kunye nemida

Izityholo zidla ngokuvela xa imida ingacacanga. Hlalani phantsi nixoxe ukuba ukunyaniseka, ukuba ngasese, kunye nentlonipho kuthetha ntoni kuni ngamnye wenu.

Njengokuba:

• Ngaba kulungile ukutya isidlo sasemini nomntu osebenza naye?
• Ungena kangaphi ngexesha lohambo lomsebenzi?
• Loluphi uhlobo lonxibelelwano lwe-intanethi oluziva lungenantlonipho?

Ezi ncoko zisenokuvakala zinzima, kodwa zithintela ukungaqondani kamva. Imida, xa kuvunyelwana ngayo, isebenza njengemephu ekwabelwana ngayo, hayi ikheji.

3. Yakha ukuthembana ngokuhambelana

Ukuthemba akwakhelwa ngamaxesha athile izijekulo zothando; yakhiwe ngokweepateni. Gcina izithembiso, bonisa ngexesha, kwaye uthethe into oyithethayo. Yakha ukuthembana xa izenzo ezincinci zihambelana namagama, afana nala:

• Ukubuyisela iifowuni
• Ukuhlonipha izibophelelo
• Ukubonisa ubukho beemvakalelo

Kwanasemva kokuba utyholwe ngobuxoki, ukungaguquguquki kumazwi nezenzo zakho kunceda iqabane lakho lihlaziye indlela elikubona ngayo.

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4. Yenza ukuba sesichengeni kube ngumkhwa

Izityholo zobuxoki zihlala zivela kuloyiko loku:

• Ukulahleka
• Ukulahlwa
• Okanye ukuba buhlungu kwakhona

Iyeza lilo ukuba sesichengeni ngokweemvakalelo. Shintshanani ngokwabelana noloyiko lwakho okanye ukungazithembi ngaphandle kwesigwebo. Ukuvuleleka okunjalo kunceda ukuguqula ukukrokrelana kube luvelwano. Ukuba sesichengeni kwakha ubuhlobo kwaye kukhumbuze omabini amaqabane ukuba bakwicala elinye.

5. Funa isikhokelo kwangethuba

Awudingi ukuba ulinde intlekele ukuze ufune unyango. Unyango lwesibini inceda amaqabane ukuba aqonde izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo zomnye nomnye, izithuba zonxibelelwano, kunye nezimbo zokuncamathela phambi kokuba zibe zizityholo okanye ingqumbo. Umnyangi ongathathi hlangothi unokufundisa iindlela zokulawula iimvakalelo ukuze iqabane lingabheki ityala okanye lizikhusele xa kuvela iingcinga ezixhalabileyo.

6. Phinda ujonge i-trust njengento eqhubekayo

Ubudlelwane buyaguquka, kwaye kufuneka ngokunjalo nezivumelwano zakho zokuthembana. Rhoqo kwiinyanga ezimbalwa, cinga ngemibuzo efana nale:

• “Ngaba ndisaziva ndikhuselekile ngokweemvakalelo xa ndinawe?”
• "Ngaba kukho imikhwa eqala ukundenza ndingakhululeki?"
• "Yintoni endinceda ndizive ndiqhagamshelene kwaye ndikhuselekile?"

Ukutshekisha okusebenzayo kuguqula izityholo ezinokubakho zibe ziincoko eziphilileyo. Bajika uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo lube yintsebenziswano.

Imibuzo ebuzwa qho

Iingcinga Final

Ukutyholwa ngokukopela xa umsulwa ngamava abuhlungu anokuba neziphumo ezihlala zihleli ngokwasengqondweni kubudlelwane. Izityholo zobuxoki zinokuphelisa ukuthembana, kuchaphazela ubuhlobo, uze ukwenze ube neemvakalelo ezinzulu ezinjengomsindo, intlungu, nenzondo. Ukuba nawe ukwimeko efanayo, khumbula ukuba akuwedwa kulo mzabalazo. Izibini ezininzi ziye zajamelana nemingeni enjalo kwaye zavela zomelele kunangaphambili. Ngendlela echanekileyo, unokuzikhusela kula mabango onzakalisayo kwaye ufumane indlela yokuphilisa kunye nesisombululo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.