Uyazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukushada nomuntu oshade nomndeni wakhe? Uma ungowesifazane waseNdiya, lowo mbono uyimpilo yakho. Abasemzini bakho bayingxenye yomshado wakho njengoba unjalo - mhlawumbe nangaphezulu. Abesifazane baseNdiya kuye kwadingeka bafake abasekhweni emishadweni yabo ezizukulwaneni eziningi. Lokhu kubathinte kanjani? Ngezindlela eziningi, kunjalo. Ukuhambisana nalokho okulindele ekhweni laseNdiya kuwumsebenzi. Abasekhweni abangamaNdiya abanonya bangabhubhisa ukuphila kombhangqwana futhi owesifazane ugula kakhulu.
Ukuyohlala ekhweni kwakuyisiko
Okuqukethwe
Ukuhlala nabazali bomyeni wakho kuyisiko lomndeni wamaNdiya. Nobane kufanele niphile ngokujabula kuze kube phakade - ndawonye. Uma umyeni wakho enabafowenu, uba merrier kakhulu. Kodwa amasiko omndeni wamaNdiya adluliselwa ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane ngokuvamile aphenduka intambo entanyeni yowesifazane.
Esikhathini esidlule, amantombazane ayeshada eneminyaka engu-13 ubudala. Inhloso yokuthuthela kubazali bomyeni wakho, njengomfazi omusha, kwakuwukuba umamezala wakho akufundise ukuthi ungaba kanjani owesifazane. Kwakuwumsebenzi wakhe ukukuqondisa emisebenzini yakho yobufazi. Leli siko, lokuhlala nabazali bomyeni wakho, lalinengqondo lapho umbhangqwana oshadile useyizingane futhi udinga ukugadwa ngabantu abadala.
Ukuganana kwezingane akusamukelwa, abesifazane sebeshada sebengabantu abadala manje - pho kungani omamezala besazama ukubakhulisa?
Ingcindezi yokuhlala nabasemzini
Eminyakeni engamashumi amathathu nambili edlule uM no-D bathandana. Babengahlukani kwaze kwafika u M wayohlala no D nabazali bakhe. Base behlukana kakhulu. Ingcindezi yokuthi ube umakoti wekhaya ophelele nomalokazana yabe isimsinda kakhulu uM, waze wamshiya uD waze wavuma ukuphungula isibalo sabantu abathandana nabo, nomuzi, wehliselwe kabili. U-M wayefuna lokho akufunayo, akakaze abe nenkinga ngalokho - kodwa abanye besifazane abaningi baseNdiya abakwenzi lokho ngoba besaba ukuphazamisa isiko lokubopha imindeni. Kwenzekani kubo?
Ukulahlekelwa wukuzimela umakoti
Owesifazane oneminyaka engu-27 ubudala, u-S, ukhulele ekhaya lapho akhulela khona ukuze azimele. Abazali bakhe bamkhuthaze ukuthi abe ngumuntu wakhe futhi alandele amaphupho akhe. Akakaze ezwe sengathi uyalawulwa. Lapho eshada, wahamba wayohlala nomyeni wakhe nabazali bakhe futhi manje uzizwa sengathi ulahlekelwe yibo bonke ukuzimela ayenakho nabazali bakhe. Abakhwenyana bakhe baseNdiya abanenkani benza impilo yakhe ibe isihogo.
Uhlala nabantu angabazi naye angeke abe nguye. “Ngangicabanga ukuthi konke kuzoba njengakuqala, kodwa cha… uma intombazane ifika ekhweni layo akukho okubonakala kufana nakuqala,” usho kanje. Impilo yakhe yonke isisusiwe futhi yacekelwa phansi ngoba ethandane.
Awukwazi ukuba uwena ekhweni lakho
US wavuma ukuhlala nabasemzini wakhe ngoba wayecabanga ukuthi bavulelekile engqondweni. Njengoba eqala ukubazi, waqaphela ukuthi wayenephutha. Kuvela ukuthi awumazi umuntu uze uhlale naye. US uhlala engakhululekile nguyisezala wakhe emcela ukuthi athole umzukulu. Ezikhathini eziningana, u-S uke wathi kuye, “ Jaldi se humein Ek pota de do, phir ye parivar pura ho jaiga ,” okusho ukuthi udinga ukumnika umzukulu ukuze umndeni uphelele.
Abasekhweni abanenkani bathatha zonke izinqumo
U-S ufuna ukulinda iminyaka embalwa emshadweni ngaphambi kokuba abe nezingane ukuze ajabulele ukuqala impilo nomyeni wakhe. Wayenezinhlelo zokuthi bahambe bayozama izinto ezintsha ndawonye ngaphambi kokuba babe ngabazali, kodwa umkhwe wakhe unezinye izinhlelo ngaye. Njengabesifazane abaningi baseNdiya, u-S unabantu abaningi kakhulu emshadweni wakhe. Akakwazi ukuzithathela izinqumo ngempilo nangomzimba wakhe ngenxa yesiko lasekhweni lamaNdiya.
Akekho umuntu wesifazane ohlale eyilungele indodana
Abazali bamadodana amaNdiya bawakhulisa sengathi angamakhosi omhlaba. Ukuba nendodana kuyinjabulo enkulu, futhi ngenxa yalokhu bayatotoswa futhi bonakaliswe impilo yabo yonke. Lapho ingane yabo eyigugu ithola umfazi, abazali balindela ukuthi izoqhubeka ilengise inyanga njengoba benza engxenyeni yokuqala yokuphila kwayo.
Akekho umuntu wesifazane ohlale eyilungele indodana yakhe, ngoba basuke belindele okungenangqondo ngokuthi luhlobo luni lwenkosikazi olufanele indodana yabo.
US ngeke alunge kwabasekhweni lakhe ngoba abasoze bambona efanelwe yindodana yabo. US ucabanga ukuthi iphutha lakhe bese ethi, "Angazi ukuthi yini inkinga yami? Ngizizwa ngingalungile ngaso sonke isikhathi?" Akaqondi ukuthi kungani abasekhweni lakhe bengakwazi ukumamukela futhi ngokungagwegwesi. Kunokuba ajabulele ikusasa nomyeni wakhe, uyesaba.
S uthi, “Uma lokhu kwenzeka kimi phakathi nalezi zinyanga ezimbalwa zomshado wami angazi ukuthi ukuphila kwami konke kuphambi kwami.” U-S unovalo lokuthi ukuhlukunyezwa komndeni abhekene nakho kuzokhula njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu ayi-10 Ongabhekana Nomkhwekazi Wakho Okhohlisayo Ngaphandle Kokulimaza Umshado Wakho
Amantombazane anamuhla afuna ikhaya elihlukile
Isizukulwane sanamuhla sabesifazane baseNdiya sikhetha ukuhlukana nesiko ukuze sigweme ukuzizwa njengo-S. Ngokusho kwe- Hindustan Times , amaphesenti angama-64 abesifazane akhetha ukuqala imindeni ekhaya elihlukile komakoti babo. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abesifazane abasanda kushada baqala ukuxabana nomakoti babo ngokushesha nje ngemva komshado. Ngaphambi komshado, omama bayabathanda omalokazana babo besikhathi esizayo, bayawuthanda umqondo wokuthi indodana yabo ithole umuntu ozoyijabulisa. Ngemva komshado, lokhu kuyashintsha. Omama baqala ukuzizwa bengavikelekile ngamadodana abo angasabadingi futhi basola umfazi ngokweba ingane yabo kubo. Laba bomama babhekana nalokhu komakoti babo, ababacindezela. Lokhu kuholela ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi phakathi komakoti nomalokazana babo obungenakugwema.
Ingabe umjikelezo wokuhlukumeza umamezala uzonqamuka?
Lokhu kuziphatha okunobuthi kudluliswa kuzo zonke izizukulwane zomalokazana. Ingabe lesi sizukulwane esizayo yiso esizonqamula umjikelezo? Abesifazane besimanje bayalwa futhi ngiyethemba ukuthi yimpi esingayinqoba.
U-L ukholelwa ukuthi ubandlululo ngokobulili luyimbangela yenkinga phakathi kwabesifazane nabasemzini. Kukhona isisho saseNdiya esidala esithi amadodakazi “ayi -paraya dhan ” kanti amadodana “ ayi-budhape ka sahara ” okusho ukuthi “amadodakazi ayashiya indlu ngoba ahloselwe ukuhlala komunye umuzi. Simane nje siyawagcina. Bese sizowadlulisela kwabanye. Futhi amadoda ayizinduku zethu zokusekela lapho esekhulile azosinakekela.”
Indida yesimo
Okuxakayo ngalokhu wukuthi amadodana awawenzi umsebenzi wokunakekela, omalokazana benza. Ukuthola umalokazana ukuthola umsizi wasendlini mahhala, kuwumsebenzi wabo ukunakekela wonke umuntu.
Indlela indodana enakekela ngayo abazali bayo iwukuthola umfazi ozoyenzela yona. Unina uthatha umhlalaphansi njengomnikazi wekhaya abese edlulisela komunye umuntu umsebenzi wokuhlanza, ukupheka, uku-ayina, neminye imisebenzi. Lokhu kube umjikelezo ongapheli kwabesifazane baseNdiya.
Ngokusho kukaL, ozama ngamandla ukulisukumela lolu daba, uthi, “Ngunkosikazi ohlanza izingubo ngoba esegugile, yinkosikazi ebancelisayo uma begula. L unendlela yesimanje ngemisebenzi yakhe njengomalokazana futhi uthi "Nansi lento. Abakhwenyana bami abazange bangikhulise. Bangabantu abangabazi. Futhi noma yini abangayisho, ngeke ngibe yindodakazi yabo. Singasondelana uma bebahle, kodwa ngokuvamile, abasekhweni eNdiya abalungile komalokazana babo. Anginaso isibopho sokuziphatha." L uyenqaba ukwamukela izinhlelo zokucwasa ngokobulili ezenzelwe impilo yakhe, njengabesifazane abaningi banamuhla baseNdiya.
Umalokazana kufanele akhethe ikhaya lakhe elisha
Ifilosofi ka-L ilula, phatha abantu ngendlela ofuna ukuphathwa ngayo. “Sengike ngabona inqwaba yamadoda athukuthelela omkawo uma enqaba ukuhlala noyisezala ngemva kokushada, ngihlale ngibabuza ukuthi kungani ningahlali nabasemzini?”
Amadoda kufanele abamele abafazi bawo
Isizathu esikhulu esenza abasekhweni babe namandla angaka ukuthi abayeni abamelani nomkabo. Besaba ukucasula abazali babo, abeza kuqala ekuphileni kwabo. K, owesifazane oye wahlupheka ngenxa yaleli qiniso, wachitha ubusuku obuningi ekhala aze alale lapho kungekho muntu owayemuzwa phakathi neminyaka yokuqala yokuphila kwakhe komshado. Uthi, “Umyeni wami wayevame ukungiduduza kodwa wayengabatsheli lutho abazali noma udadewabo ngokuziphatha kwabo okungalungile kimi.”
Umkhwekazi wakhe wamtshela ukuthi kwadingeka abekezelele amazwi abuhlungu avela kuninazala ngoba wayezama nje ukusiza. UK kwadingeka abekezelele ukubizwa ngokuthi ukhuluphele ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa kwakhe, waze wasolwa ngokufihla ukudla ekamelweni lakhe ukuze adle kakhulu lapho kungekho muntu obhekayo. Ngemva kweminyaka eyi-10 yokuhlupheka, usenele. UK uthi “Ngilahlekelwe ukuthula kwengqondo futhi angikwazi ukujabula. Ngikhathele yimpilo yami futhi ngicabanga nokuzibulala kodwa ngiyabathanda kakhulu abantwana bami kangangokuthi angikwazi ukuyeka impilo yami.” UK akayedwa Isiko labasekhweni baseNdiya liqhubela abesifazane emicabangweni nasekuziphatheni kokuzibulala. I-India inezinga lesithathu eliphakeme kakhulu lokuzibulala kwabesifazane emhlabeni. Abasekhweni abacindezelayo kanye namasiko omndeni waseNdiya onakalisa izimpilo futhi yibo ababangela ukuhlukana okuningi.
Kuzokwanela nini?
Umakoti uyisithasiselo kuyunithi ekhona
Wonke umuntu wesifazane waseNdiya unombono wakhe wokuthi kungani ukuhlala noyisezala kuwumbono omubi. U-V ukholelwa ukuthi ukuhlala nabasemzini akusebenzi ngoba vele bawuphiko oselusunguliwe wena uvele ungowengeza. Uthi, “Emzini womzali wayo, indoda ibilokhu iyingane. Abazali bayo babiza wonke umuntu emndenini. Ngemva kokushada, unkosikazi uba isengezo ezinganeni zomkhaya. Umkhaya uyaqhubeka nokusebenza ngendlela efanayo. Umbhangqwana awulokothi ube umkhaya ozimele onesethi yawo yemithetho.”
V akakholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka ukuba nomndeni wakho ube endlini yomunye umuntu ngenxa yokuthi kukhona ukuntula ukulawula izingxenye “zezingane” zalolu phiko. “Intombazane ayikutholi ukukhulisa izingane zayo ngendlela yayo noma ukuma ezimisweni ezikholelwa kuzo. Yonke into ihlale imayelana nalokho abazali bensizwa abanomuzwa wokuthi kulungile, yibo ababenquma ukuthi bazoyikhulisa kanjani ingane yayo.” Lokhu akulona uhlobo lwempilo uV alufunayo. Uyenqaba ukulandela imithetho umuntu angamazi ayibekela yona.
Umalokazana nguye incekukazi ekhazinyulisiwe
U-R kufanele alandele imithetho umamezala ambekela yona. Akavunyelwe ukusebenza, ukusebenzisa isivikelo ngesikhathi socansi nomyeni wakhe, noma ukuphuma endlini yedwa. Ngaphezu kwalokhu, kungumsebenzi ka-R ukupheka, ukuhlanza nokuwashela wonke umuntu osendlini, kuhlanganise nomlamu wakhe. “Kumele ngiphekele ukudla ngingedwa kwamalungu angu-5 okuhlanganisa nomlamu wami. Okunye ukudla okuhlukile kwabantu abahlukene. Ngamazambane ka-anyanisi womyeni nomfowabo kamyeni, ngaphandle kuka-anyanisi ukudla kukamamezala, ngaphandle kwamafutha ukudla okunempilo kukababa. U-R uthi, “Ngikhomba izinto ezimbalwa ezingenza ngizizwe ngiyincekukazi kunokuba ngibe umalokazana.” Ngeshwa, lokhu umuzwa wendawo yonke kwabesifazane baseNdiya.
NgingumNdiya waseMelika, okusho ukuthi ngikwazile ukubalekela impilo ugogo ayenayo. Ngakhula ngizwa izindaba zakhe zokuba umalokazana okhuthele. Ngikhumbula ngicabanga ukuthi wayenesibindi kangakanani sokushiya ikhaya lomyeni wakhe wokuqala futhi athole uthando lweqiniso, uthando olungenamibandela olungabandakanyi ukuba yincekukazi. Akuwona wonke owesifazane onelungelo lokuhamba lapho bengasakwazi ukubekezelela. Ngokusho kwe- India Today , i-India inezinga eliphansi kakhulu lesehlukaniso emhlabeni jikelele. Izinga lesehlukaniso e-India lingaphansi kwephesenti elilodwa. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi isehlukaniso asesamukeleki, owesifazane ohlukanisile uletha ihlazo emndenini wakhe. Izinga eliphansi lesehlukaniso libukeka lihle ephepheni, kodwa empeleni, limelela ukucindezelwa.
Ukungabikho kwesehlukaniso akusho ukuba khona kothando.
Abesifazane baseNdiya badinga ukukhetha impilo engcono
Abanye besifazane engike ngakhuluma ngabo basemishadweni ehleliwe, okusho ukuthi imindeni yabashadikazi ibabhanqile, kodwa iningi labo bebesemishadweni yothando. Umshado wothando usho ukuthi umbhangqwana ushade ngokuthanda kwawo-ngoba bayathandana. Uthando olwatholwa yilaba besifazane, ngeshwa, lwalungenamibandela. Umbandela okumele abesifazane bawulandele wukujabulisa abasekhweni ukuze bagcine abayeni babo bejabule. Kufanele bahlale bephila ngokuvumelana nalokho abakulindele ekhweni labo. Abayeni babo abakwazi ukubathanda uma bengebona omalokazana abalungile, abalalelayo. Ingabe lowo umshado wothando, noma umshado wokulalela?
Omalokazana baseNdiya balahlekelwa ubuntu babo lapho behlala nabazali bomyeni wabo. Bafakwa ebhokisini eliqoshwe esikweni lasendulo futhi batshelwe ukuthi bamamatheke ngenkathi kuxhunywa izintambo zabo zopopayi. Bayanda abesifazane abakhetha ukwephula isiko, kodwa kusekude phambili.
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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ngiyabonga ngokubhala lokhu nokukhanyisela isihloko abaningi, ABANINGI abantu besifazane abangaqondana naso. Lokhu kuyinto echitha amakhethini empilo ye-wonebs ye-gehibd futhi ingabonakali ngenxa yemvelo uma lezi zimo.
Siyajabula ukuthi usithandile lesi sihloko.