Ukubeka Imingcele Nabasekhweni - 8 Amathiphu Angehluleki

“Kodwa yini ingozi ngokuthatha iseluleko?” kubuza usisi uma ngiveza indaba yokubeka imingcele nabakhwenyana. Uma ngingabuzanga, ingabe kuyiseluleko ngempela? Noma ukweqa?” Ngiyadubula ngibuye. Uphendula ngokusineka kokwazi.

Bathi awuvele ushade nomuntu. Okuhle noma okubi, umndeni womlingani wakho uba yingxenye yempilo yakho lapho nje uthi 'ngiyakwenza'. Nakuba uthola umkhaya omusha kanye nesimiso sokusekela ngawo, ukubhekana nabasekhweni emshadweni kungaba luqili. 

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zivela ekungqubuzaneni kobuntu noma imibono, ubuhlungu obungakhulunywa, noma ukungasebenzi kahle, izinkinga zomkhwenyana zingadala ukucindezeleka okukhulu kanye nenzondo. Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi ubudlelwano obunzima nabakhwenyana bungaba nomthelela emshadweni wakho. Ngakho-ke singazwana kanjani kangcono nabakhwenyana futhi sibhekane nezinkinga zobudlelwano babakhwenyana? Enye indlela enhle ukubeka imingcele enempilo.

Uyibekela Kanjani Imingcele Nabasekhweni

Ngeke sikutshele ukuthi ubudlelwano nabasemzini kulula. Noma ukuthi isibalo sakho nabo singafana ncamashi naleyo oyijabulelayo nomndeni wakho wemvelo. Abazange babe nenzuzo yokukubuka ukhula. Ngakho-ke, azikwazi ukuthatha indawo yesisekelo somzwelo somndeni wakho wobuntwana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abasekhweni lakho bangase babe nezindinganiso, izinkolelo, imikhuba namasiko ahluke ngokuphelele. Futhi kungase kube nezinto eziningi ongaboni ngaso linye kuzo, okuholela ekutheni ubambene ngamakhanda nomndeni wakho omusha onwetshiwe.

Imingcele ingakusiza ukuthi ulawule noma yikuphi ukungezwani nabasemzini futhi wakhe ubuhlobo obuhle nabo. Futhi bangasiza ekulawuleni ukuthi izinkinga zabakhwenyana zinomthelela ongakanani kuwe nasempilweni yakho yomshado. Njengemingcele yomshado, ukubeka imingcele nabasemzini kubalulekile enhlalakahleni yakho nasekuvikeleni izifiso, izidingo nezinkolelo zakho. Nawa amanye amathiphu okuthi ungadweba kanjani imingcele enempilo nabasemzini wakho:

1. Bhala izinto ezikubangelayo

Mhlawumbe umamezala wakho udlula kakhulu bese ezama ukulawula yonke into oyenzayo. Noma ukhohlisa futhi uqamba amanga . Mhlawumbe umamezala wakho udlula ngokweqile ngezipho nemali yengane yakho eneminyaka emibili. Noma usukhathele ukubhekana nezinkinga zomndeni nomkhwekazi wakho ophazamisayo bese uzama ukuzwana naye.

Mhlawumbe usanda kuthembisana umshado futhi uyazibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomamezala olawulayo ngesikhathi sokuhlelwa komshado. Noma usanda kushada, futhi ubhekene nokuhlasela okuphelele kwendawo yakho yomuntu siqu kanye nokulandelana okuqhubekayo kweseluleko kuyo yonke into. 

Uma ungafuni ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi sempilo yakho ugcwele intukuthelo noma ucashe endlini yangasese ukuze ugweme abasekhweni lakho, uzodinga ukubeka imithetho ethile eyisisekelo. Ngalokho, kuzodingeka unqume ukuthi yini okhululekile ngayo nokuthi yini ekukhathazayo. Bese? Khuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana nokubeka imingcele enempilo. 

2. Faka umlingani wakho emkhunjini

Ukusebenzelana nabasemzini kuwumthombo ovamile wokukhononda kwabashadile. Yingakho ingxoxo eqotho nomlingani wakho mayelana nokubeka imingcele nabasemzini ibalulekile. Ukuthola izinto enivumelana ngazo kuzokusiza nobabili ukuba nibhekane nanoma yiziphi izinkinga zasekhweni ngendlela engcono ukuze nakhe ubuhlobo obunempilo futhi nizwane kangcono nabo. Uma ukhuluma ngemingcele enempilo, cabanga ukuxoxa:

• Isikhathi ofuna ukusichitha nabasemzini. Lokho kungase kuhlanganise nokunquma ukuthi ungaya kanjani eholidini nabasemzini uma kudingeka
• Inani lokusho ukuthi abasekhweni lakho banalo ezinqumweni zakho, njengalapho uzohlala khona 
• Izici zomshado wakho kanye nempilo yakho yomuntu siqu ezizohlala phakathi kwenu nobabili, njengezinkinga zobudlelwane
• Ungamisa kanjani okulindelekile okunempilo mayelana nezindima nezibopho, ikakhulukazi mayelana nemali nezingane (njengokunquma ukuthi uzobhekana kanjani nabamezala abathembele ngokwezimali noma ukubeka imingcele nabasemzini nabazukulu) 
• Okuzobalwa njengokuwela 

Ukuba sekhasini elilodwa nomngane wakho womshado kuyokusiza ukuba nibe nobunye uma kuphakama isimo esibuhlungu, ngisho noma nobabili ningavumelani ngazo zonke izici zesimo.

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3. Sebenzisa ubuhlakani

Awukwazi nje ukudweba uhlu lwemingcele kamamezala noma umkhwekazi bese ulindela ukuthi imingcele ihlonishwe ngokushesha. Ngakho-ke ungakhuluma kanjani nomamezala wakho ngemingcele? Ungamtshela kanjani ukuthi cha umamezala oneziphiwo eziningi noma uvale ukugxekwa kwakhe njalo ngaphandle kokuzizwa sengathi akahloniphi? Ungamtshela kanjani ukuthi ubeka imingcele nomama wangaphambili? Noma uxoxe ngokubeka imingcele nomkhwekazi okunzima ukuba naye ngenxa yolimi lwakhe? Noma ubhekane nomama wakwakhe oweqa imingcele njalo lapho ethola ithuba?

Ukubeka imingcele enempilo nomndeni wakho wamanje noma wangaphambili owandisiwe, futhi ukuphoqelela, kuzodinga ukuphathwa ngobuhlakani:

• Ukucela umkhwe wakho ukuthi anganiki umzukulu wabo imali kuzoholela emizweni ebuhlungu kanye nezingxoxo ezingathandeki. Zama ukuhlala uhloniphekile kodwa uqine
• Uma ushaya ucingo lokuqala, vakashela umthetho ngemuva kweminyaka engu-7 yomndeni womlingani wakho ungena futhi uphuma endlini yakho ngendlela othanda ngayo, zilungiselele ukubuyela emuva.
• Nini ukubeka imingcele ngesikhathi sokwehlukana noma ngemva kwesehlukaniso, nikeza lowo ozoba ngowokuqala noma umndeni wakho wangaphambili isikhathi sokulungisa nokujwayela amashejuli amasha kanye nezinguquko ekusebenzisaneni.

8 Amathiphu Angehluleki Okubeka Imingcele Nobabezala Bakho

Ukubeka imingcele yokugxambukela kwabasekhweni kubalulekile ngoba izindaba nabasemzini ziyifolishi elingapheli lezindaba nezindaba, kokubili ku-inthanethi nangaphandle kwayo. Ezinye zezinkinga ezijwayelekile yilezi:

• Ukuhlala nabasemzini noma ukuhlala eduze kakhulu nabasemzini
• Ukubhebhana nomamezala omnandi kodwa ohluphayo
• Ukuba noyisezala olawulayo
• Ukubhekana nedrama yomndeni ngaso sonke isikhathi
• Ukugxambukela komndeni emshadweni nasekusondeleni
• Izinkinga zokubeka imingcele nabasemzini ngemva komntwana
• Ukulwa nomyeni kubangwa unina
• Ukwehlukana nomyeni ngenxa yabasekhweni
• Noma ngisho, ukubhekana nabasemzini onobuthi ngemva kokushona komngane womshado

Ungase ungakwazi ukugwema ukungqubuzana ngokuphelele futhi uqede zonke izinkinga nomndeni womlingani wakho. Kodwa zikhona izindlela zokubeka imingcele nabazali ngemva komshado. Ukubhekana nabasemzini emshadweni kungenzeka ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo noma ukulahla i-gauntlet, noma mhlawumbe i-spatula. Khumbula, ukungabeki imingcele enempilo kusenesikhathi akusho ukuthi awukwazi ukuqala ukuchaza noma ukuchaza kabusha imingcele kamuva ukuze uvikele impilo yakho yengqondo nokuphila kahle. Kodwa kanjani? Silungiselele amathiphu nezibonelo zemingcele nabasemzini ukuze sikusize ngalokho:

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1. Beka umkhawulo noma ushintshe indlela enichitha ngayo isikhathi ndawonye

Kusukela kumaphiknikhi kanye nokudla kwakusihlwa komndeni kuya kumaholide nezinsuku ezikhethekile, ungathembela ekuchitheni isikhathi esiningi nomndeni wakho owandisiwe. Kodwa kuthiwani uma ukusebenzisana kwenu kungajabulisi kangako? Kuthiwani uma umndeni womngane wakho womshado weqa imingcele ngaso sonke isikhathi? Noma ukuhlangana nabasemzini sekuwumthombo oqhubekayo wokungqubuzana noma ukucasuka? 

Ake sithi usibali wakho noma i-MIL ilokhu icindezela izinkinobho zakho ezidlweni zakusihlwa zomndeni ngezeluleko ezingaceliwe nezixakile. Bese uzama ukukhawulela ukuhlangana, noma ushintshe indlela enichitha ngayo isikhathi ndawonye: 

• Hamba uyobamba imuvi esikhundleni sokubamba isidlo sakusihlwa ekhaya  
• Hlala inqobo nje uma ukusebenzisana kumnandi noma kungathathi hlangothi 
• Uma imibono neseluleko esingasizi siqala ekhweni lakho elinzima, cela uxolo ngokuzithoba 

Lena enye indlela yokubhekana nomuntu othandana naye noma udadewenu odlula imingcele ngaphandle kokukuvumela ukuthi ikuphazamise. Uma ukubeka imingcele nabasemzini abayingozi kuyilokho okusebenzela kukho, yazi ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi ukungaxhumani kahle noma ukuziqhelelanisa nabasemzini kungase kudingeke. Khumbula, ukudinga imingcele noma ibanga elinempilo enhlalakahleni yakho akuyona into okufanele uzizwe unecala ngayo.

2. Bheka kabanzi abasekhweni lakho

Imibono kanye nokucwasa okucatshangelwe kusengaphambili akwenzi ubudlelwano obuhle . Ngokuphambene nemikhuba, akubona bonke abasemzini noma abasemzini ababi noma abanobuthi obusobala. Ukubanika izinhloso noma izisusa ezimbi ngaso sonke isikhathi ngeke kukusize wena noma ubudlelwano bakho nabo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukulindela ukuthi umamezala wakho abe nothando futhi asekele kodwa ukugwema noma yisiphi iseluleko akuwona neze umbono ongokoqobo. Ngakho-ke ngaphambi kokunquma ukuthi abasemzini noma abasemzini bayindlela ethile noma bathi “Umndeni womyeni wami awunamingcele” noma “Angikwazi ukumelana nabasemzini noma abasemzini”, kuwukuhlakanipha ukuhlola ukuthi imibono noma okulindelwe kwakho kuyayithinta yini indlela yakho yokwahlulela.

Ithi, i-MIL yakho ikunikeze izeluleko ezithile zokuphatha ezezimali. Kunokuba ube nomuzwa wokuthi ukhomba ukungakwazi kwakho kwezezimali futhi ucabange ukuthi ungabeka kanjani imingcele nomamezala, hlehla futhi ubuyekeze isimo. Mhlawumbe ubenenhloso enhle ngempela. Ukuthatha umbono obanzi kusho ukukhetha izimpi zakho nokufunda ukuvumela ezinye izinto zihambe ngenxa yobudlelwano obuhle ngenye indlela.

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3. Yehlisa ukuncintisana 

Zama ukungenzi umsebenzi wokubeka imingcele nabasemzini ube umncintiswano: 

• Isiphathimandla 
• Noma lawula ukuthi ubani othola ukunakwa komuntu oshade naye

Lokhu kuzokufaka emncintiswaneni ongemuhle nomndeni womyeni wakho noma womlingani wakho — futhi lokho ngeke kuphele kahle. Kungashiya nomlingani wakho noma umlingani wakho ezizwa edabukile futhi exabene.

Bonke abazali banomusa ezinganeni zabo. Uma umkakho eseduze nabazali bakhe futhi efuna ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nabo noma enze okuthile okuhle kubo, kungokwemvelo ukuthi azizwe ngaleyo ndlela. Futhi njengoba nje uthando lomyeni luhlukile othandweni lukababa , uthando lothando lomlingani wakho analo ngawe nothando analo ngabazali bakhe luhluke ngokuphelele. Lapho ubhala uhlu lwemingcele kamamezala noma omunye umuntu, zama ukugcina noma yimuphi umona noma ukungazethembi ngenxa yobuhlobo obuseduze bomlingani wakho nabazali bakhe.

4. Ungalubheki intukuthelo yakho koshade naye ngenhloso yokubeka imingcele nabasemzini.

Ubuyile kwelinye iholidi lomndeni ucabanga ukuthi, “Ngiyakuzonda ukuthi abasekhweni lami abangiphathi njengomndeni.” Noma “Angiqondi ukuthi kungani umkhwekazi wami elindele ukuthi sikhokhele yonke into futhi angalokothi alubambe.” Noma mhlawumbe umlamu wakho usanda kushayisa endaweni yakho futhi engazihluphi ngokulanda yena. 

Njengoba ezinye izimo zingase zibangele, uma uthethisa omunye wakho obalulekile ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uncelisa i-grouse noma isikhalazo, uzoba nenye impi ezandleni zakho. Nakhu ongase uzame esikhundleni salokho: 

• Khuluma nomlingani wakho. Gwema ulimi olugxekayo noma olugxekayo futhi ugxile ekukhulumeni lokho okuzwayo (njengokuthi “Angikhululekile…” noma “Kuyangicasula uma…”). Amathuba okuthi uma sebesiqondile isimo, bangasiza ukusilamula 
• Yini okufanele uyenze lapho umyeni wakho enamathele kakhulu emndenini wakhe futhi kunzima ukubhekana nawo? Khona-ke uzodinga ukusukuma futhi uthole ukuthi uzokhuluma kanjani nomamezala wakho mayelana nemingcele mayelana nokusebenzisa imali. Noma cabanga ngokubeka imingcele nomlamu ukuze ulinganisele ukuvakashelwa kungalindelwe

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5. Namathela ezinhlelweni zakho

Mhlawumbe kwanqunywa ezinyangeni ezedlule ukuthi wonke umndeni wakho uzohlangana endaweni yakho ngeThanksgiving. Kodwa manje, indodakazi yakho izama ukushintsha uhlelo ngomzuzu wokugcina. Mhlawumbe abasemzini wakho bangaphambili bacasukile ngokuthi awuzange ubameme emdlalweni wesikole wendodana yakho. Noma umama wowayengumyeni wakho ufika engatshelwanga izikhathi eziningana ngesonto efuna ukukhipha abazukulu bayokwenza i-ayisikhilimu. Ngisho noma azi ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthi bazophuthelwa ukuzijwayeza i-hockey noma izifundo zepiyano. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungcono ukunamathela ezinhlelweni zakho kanye nezinhlelo zakho. Ungavumeli abanye bakucindezele noma bakubangele umuzwa wecala ukuthi wenze lokho abakufunayo noma into ongakhululekile ngayo.

Lokhu kubalulekile uma usebenza ngokubeka imingcele nabasemzini/abangasekhweni. Futhi ikakhulukazi uma ubeka imingcele nabasemzini abanobuthi. Yisho imikhawulo yakho ngobumnene, kodwa ngokucacile. Zimisele ukuze bazi ukuthi uzozibamba uma kukhona ozama ukuhamba phezu kwezinhlelo zakho noma akucindezele ukuthi uziguqule. 

6. Yazi kangcono abasekhweni lakho

Nazi izimo ezimbili zasekhweni. Ungenzenjani?

• Abazali bomlingani wakho bayathanda ukusiza nabazukulu, kodwa bayalawula futhi bagxeka kakhulu
• Ikakhulukazi ilula, kodwa isihogo sizimisele ngokukwenza ushintshe ohlotsheni lobisi olusebenzisayo noma isikhwama sokubambisana otshala kuso.

Azikho izimpendulo ezilula lapha. Phela, ayikho incwadi yokubusa ngemithetho yobudlelwano. Ukulinganisa ibhalansi noma ukuhlala upholile kwezinye izimo kungaba nzima kakhulu. Kodwa ngeke kwenzeke uma uqonda ukuthi abasekhweni bakho bavelaphi. Ngakho zinike isikhathi sokubazi. Lalela abakushoyo ngomqondo ovulekile. Lokhu kungakwenza kube lula ukuthola okuvumelanayo, ngisho noma unamanani ahlukene. Kungakusiza futhi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle futhi uzwane nabo. Futhi uma kungenjalo? Okungenani ungasho ukuthi uzamile.

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7. Ungazami ukulawula ukusebenzisana kwabo nabazukulu

Ukufika komntwana omusha kungashintsha indlela umndeni osebenza ngayo . Futhi ukubeka imingcele nabasemzini ngemuva komntwana kungaba nzima. Kusukela eqenjini elilodwa logogo nomkhulu abanomuzwa wokuthi abasitholi isikhathi esanele nomntwana omusha kuya ekwelulekeni okungapheli komntwana - uzoba nezimo ezintsha okufanele uzibhekane nazo kanye nemingcele okufanele uyibuke. Uma ucabanga ukubeka imingcele nabasemzini nabazukulu, qonda ukuthi abazali bomlingani wakho bazobathanda abantwana futhi babaphange ngokunaka okuphelele. Ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nokuba nobuhlobo obuhle nogogo nomkhulu kuzokwenza izingane zibe zinhle kuphela.

Njengoba ungathanda ukugcina izingane ngaphansi kwesimiso esiqinile, zama ukungazithukutheli uma: 

• Ubaba womyeni wakho ufuna ukuyisa izingane epaki yokuzijabulisa noma kumamuvi izinsuku ezine zilandelana ngesikhathi sekhefu lasehlobo. 
• Umfowenu womlingani wakho ubanikeza imali eyengeziwe eyengeziwe ngezinsuku zabo zokuzalwa
• I-MIL yakho ibavumela ngokuzithoba isikhathi esengeziwe se-TV ngezikhathi ezithile

8. Uma ubeka imingcele nomndeni, khumbula, akukhona ngawe

Ngakho-ke ungahamba kanjani ngokubeka imingcele yokuphazamisa abasekhweni? Indlela yokuphatha abasekhweni abangakuthandi? Labo abalokhu bephawula ngamakhala ezingane zakho, amamaki azo, izinwele zakho, noma ukupheka kwakho njalo uma zithola ithuba? Kuze kube yilapho kukwenza uzibuze, “Ingabe kufanele ngibe nobudlelwano nabasemzini wami nhlobo?”

Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungcono ukuzama ukunganaki noma yikuphi ukuphawula noma iseluleko. Ngenxa yenhlalakahle yakho, zama ukugcina umbono ongewona owobuntu ezintweni ezishiwoyo nezenziwe. Nokho, ukuziphoqa ukuba uzwane nomuntu akusoze kwasebenza. Uma ukuzihlukanisa nabazali bomyeni wakho kusiza ekunciphiseni inzondo, makube njalo. Yazi ukuthi awuyena umgovu uma ungafuni ukuhlala nabazali bomyeni wakho . Kulungile ukuthi, “Angifuni ukubona abazali bomyeni wami masonto onke.” Noma “Angisafuni ukubona abazali bomyeni wami.”

Ngethemba, amathiphu ethu nezibonelo zemingcele nabasemzini kukusize ukuthi uqonde ukuthi ungathola kanjani isibambo esingcono ezindabeni zasekhweni. Khumbula, imingcele enempilo yenza ubudlelwano obuhle. Lapho uthatha ucingo lokuthi ungabeka kanjani imingcele nomamezala nomamezala, thintana nomngane wakho womshado. Khumbula ukuthi abasekhweni bakho bayingxenye yempilo yakho. Futhi ukwakha ukucasuka kubazali kuyolimaza ubuhlobo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngakho-ke, uma kuziwa endabeni yomkhaya ngokumelene nomngane womshado, kuhle ngaso sonke isikhathi ukubeka owakwakho kuqala, thola lokho enivumelana ngakho, nikhulume naye ekhasini elilodwa, futhi nibeke ubuhlobo obumbene.

Lesi sihloko sabuyekezwa ngo-Agasti 2023.

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