Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokuzimela Ebudlelwaneni Bothando

Indlela yokuzimela ebuhlotsheni ngumbuzo othakazelisayo futhi mhlawumbe ophikisanayo. Isiko le-pop livamise ukusitshela ukuthi ezothando zimayelana nokuba ndawonye. Umqondo wokuthi uzimele kanjani ebudlelwaneni awuveli ngempela, okungenani ekuqaleni. Ulangazelela omunye wakho obalulekile uma nihlukene futhi nifuna ukuchitha yonke iminithi nindawonye.

Impela, leyo yingxenye yakho. Kodwa, kuthiwani ngobuwena nokuzimela? Kusho ukuthini ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni, futhi ugomela kanjani ubuwena obuhlukile ngaphandle kokuhlukanisa nomlingani wakho?

Akungabazeki ukuthi lena imibuzo efika ezingqondweni zabantu abaningi abahileleke ebuhlotsheni bothando. Kodwa, akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukugcina ubuntu bakho lapho ubhekene nothando lothando. Ukufunda ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni kungaba nzima njengoba sihlala sitshelwa ukuthi ozakwethu kufanele baze kuqala ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into. Ungase ubekwe icala lokuthi uzimele kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.

Ukuze sicacise le mibuzo, sixoxe nomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba zobulili obungaphandle komshado, ukuze athole ulwazi lokuthi ungazimela kanjani ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna ukuba yindoda ezimele ebudlelwaneni noma owesifazane ozimele oqinile ebudlelwaneni, sikuphathele konke.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuzimela Ebudlelwaneni?

Ngokusho kukaPooja , ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni kungasho ukuhlala ungumuntu wakho ngisho noma ushadile. “Ukuba nemigomo yomuntu ngamunye, izinto ozithandayo nezingathandeki, imibuthano yabangane, izinto azithandayo kanye nokuphila, kanye nokuba nesethi yazo zonke lezi zinto umuntu angase abelane ngazo nomlingani wakhe – yilokho okushiwo ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni bothando.

“Umuntu akudingeki abuke futhi aziphathe njengomfanekiso wesibuko womlingani; kunalokho, ukuhlukahluka kuyiphunga lokuphila - noma njengoba besho, okuphambene kuyakhanga - ukugcina ukuhluka komuntu nomehluko wakhe kusekela ubudlelwano,” kusho yena.

Ngamanye amazwi, ukulondoloza umuzwa oqinile wobumina akusho ukuthi awubunaki ubuhlobo bakho noma wenqaba umqondo wokuba ndawonye. Eqinisweni, ukuzinakekela njengomuntu ngamunye kungakusiza ukuba uzimele ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, futhi ngaleyo ndlela kuqinise ubuhlobo bakho nomlingani wakho. Usazibuza ukuthi uzimele kanjani ebudlelwaneni? Qhubeka ufunde, futhi uthole.

Izindlela Eziyisi-9 Zokuzimela Ebudlelwaneni

Kuhle kakhulu ukuthi “zizimele ebudlelwaneni bothando”. Kodwa-ke, njengezinto eziningi, ukuqaliswa kunzima kakhulu kunethiyori. Ukuze sikulethele imininingwane engenzeka, sihlanganise izindlela ezithile ongasebenzela ngazo ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni:

1. Faka eyakho imibono nemizwa

Njengoba u-Pooja ebonisa, indlela ocabanga ngayo, ozizwa ngayo, nendlela oziveza ngayo ayidingi ukulingisa indlela umlingani wakho acabanga futhi azizwa ngayo. Asincomi ukuthi sibe nokungaboni ngaso linye ngayo yonke into (uma kunjalo, sicela ufune usizo lochwepheshe noma ucabange kabusha ngobudlelwano bakho), kodwa kuhle kakhulu ukuba nokuziveza ngokwakho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-11 Zokuthi Kungani Kufanele Uthandane Nomuntu Ongaphesheya Kwe-Polar

“Lapho siqala ukushada, ngacabanga ukuthi kumnandi ukuthi sifana,” kusho uJanine. “Kodwa-ke, ngabona ukuthi ngangingayithandi ezemidlalo, futhi sasithanda izinhlobo ezihlukahlukene zomculo futhi sasingavamile ukuvumelana ngevolumu ye-TV. Futhi lokho kwakulungile futhi. Ekuqaleni, sobabili sasimanqikanqika ukuqeda uthando lwethu ‘oluphelele’ nokungavumelani, kodwa saqaphela ukuthi kwakuyindlela enempilo yokwenza sengathi sivumelana ngayo yonke into.”

'Ngenhlonipho angivumi' yisiqubulo lapha. Akudingekile ukuthi unciphise noma uhlekise imibono yomlingani wakho ukuze ugomele eyakho. Kodwa futhi awudingi ukuxubha umuzwa wakho wokuzithanda ngaphansi kombhoxo ukuze uvulele owabo indawo. Mhlawumbe uthanda uMarvel futhi bathanda i-DC. Mhlawumbe ucabanga ukuthi izitsha zidinga ukuwashwa ngemva nje kokudla futhi bangathanda ukuzishiya kuze kube ngakusasa ekuseni.

Akungabazeki ukuthi lezi ziye zaba yizizathu zokuhlukana emshadweni ezimweni eziningi, kodwa uma uzibuza ukuthi ungazimele kanjani ebudlelwaneni, sincoma kakhulu ukuthi ufunde ukuveza nokuphila ngokungezwani kwakho. Futhi izitsha zizogezwa ekugcineni.

2. Qiniseka ukuthi uyazilibazisa ngokwakho

Umlingani wami ibhayisikili. Angisho nje ukuthi ugibela izithuthuthu; Ngisho ukuthi uyadla, alale, asebenze futhi aphefumule. Futhi ngenxa yalolu thando, uhlala ehamba. Mina, ngizama ukwephula irekhodi lomhlaba ngokuba i-couch potato. Yithina nje, futhi akushintshi, futhi ngemva kweminyaka ecishe ibe yishumi, sisathandana.

Ukwenza konke ndawonye kuzwakala njengobudlelwano obuphelele , kodwa ngokweqiniso, ukuba nezinto ozithandayo kuyinzuzo futhi kudinga ukukhuliswa. Uma ufunda ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni, udinga ukwenza imisebenzi ngaphandle kokuthandana nomuntu omthandayo.

“Ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni kuzobonakala ngokuthi umlingani ngamunye ungowakhe, asale engabantu ababili abahlukene bese ehlala umbhangqwana,” kuphawula uPooja, enezela ngokuthi lokhu kusho ukwenza izinto ngokwehlukana. Akusho ukuthi nenza yonke into ngokwehlukana, ukuthi nje nibekela eceleni izinto ozilibazisayo ngendlela yokuthi nibe nesikhathi sakho.

Mhlawumbe nobabili nithanda ukuqwala izintaba, kodwa anifundi izinkondlo njengoba ninjalo. Ngakho-ke ungenza uhambo lwakho ngezimpelasonto, bese wenza isiqiniseko sokuthi uyahambela ukufunda izinkondlo izikhathi ezimbalwa ngenyanga. Ibhalansi ibalulekile uma uzimele ebudlelwaneni.

3. Chitha isikhathi nabangane nomndeni uwedwa

Ngihlala ngigcizelela ukuthi ubudlelwano bami bothando ngeke bube khona nhlobo ukube angiphumanga namantombazane ami ukuyophuza ama-cocktails nokukhononda ngomlingani wami. Impela, mhlawumbe nihlala nabangani nemindeni yomunye nomunye ndawonye ngaso sonke isikhathi, mhlawumbe nihlala emndenini ohlangene, futhi ngethemba lokuthi nonke nithandana. Kodwa, kuthiwani ngokuchitha isikhathi nabangani bakho ninodwa?

URachel uthi: “Nginenhlanhla ngokuthi ngizwana nabazali bomlingani wami futhi naye uyezwana nabami.” Abangane bethu abahlukene bavame ukuhlangana futhi siphume sonke. Uyanezela, “Kukhona okuyiqiniso ngokujulile ngokuba nabantu ababekwazi ngaphambi kokuba nithandane.”

Kulula ukubeka ezothando phezulu esitebhisini sobudlelwano, kodwa masingakhohlwa ubungane nomndeni (kokubili okwemvelo nokukhethwa) okulolonge ubuntu bakho nempilo yakho ngale kobudlelwano bothando. Ukukhulisa ubudlelwano obunempilo ngaphandle kothando lwakho kukuvumela ukuthi ungene ezingxenyeni zakho ezingezona ezothando, futhi lezo zibalulekile empilweni yakho.

4. Zihambe wedwa

Mina nozakwethu siyakuthanda ukuhamba, futhi ezinye zezinkumbulo zethu eziyigugu ezohambo esiluthathe ndawonye. Ngaso leso sikhathi, esinye sezikhathi engizikhonzile nesikhumbulekayo sihlala ngihamba ngedwa engalithatha ngiya eVietnam. Kube nemibuzo nokubukeka okudidayo, ngoba kungani ubungathatha uhambo lokuhamba uwedwa ube unophathina othandekayo nozimiseleyo?

U-Pooja ugcizelela ukuthi ukuhamba kuyindlela enhle yokwandisa ama-horizons akho, futhi ukuhamba uwedwa kuyindlela enhle kakhulu yokuzihlola nokuchitha isikhathi nawe. Ukuhamba wedwa kusho ukuthi uzibophezele ngokuphelele kuwena - kusukela ezindizeni zakho namalungiselelo ehhotela ukuya ekuqinisekiseni ukuphepha kwakho ngisho nalapho uhlola indawo entsha.

Into ewukuthi, uma uhamba nomlingani wakho, kulula ukwabelana ngomthwalo, ukumvumela ukuba aphathe izinto ezithile. Lapho uwedwa, udinga ukunakekela yonke into, futhi awukho ngempela umuzwa omkhulu wamandla omuntu siqu. Usendaweni entsha, uyazinakekela futhi uhlela izinsuku zakho ngendlela ofisa ngayo. Ngakho-ke, pakisha izibuko zakho zelanga kanye nepotimende lakho, bese uqala uhambo oluya uwedwa. Uzobuya ugcwele izindaba ezintsha nothando oluvuselelwe ngozakwenu.

5. Yiba neyakho indawo ebonakalayo

Indaba yami engiyithandayo ukuthi umbhangqwana wangaphambili osaziwayo u-Tim Burton no-Helena Bonham Carter babehlala kanjani endlini eyodwa, kodwa ngamaphiko ahlukene, axhunywe indawo evamile. Ngamunye wayegada indawo yakhe ngonya, kodwa kwakuhlale kukhona lapho ababengahlangana khona phakathi.

Manje, kunzima ngabaningi bethu ukuthola indlu enamaphiko ahlukene, kodwa akudingeki ibe yinkimbinkimbi kangako. Kungaba yigumbi lezivakashi amahora ambalwa njalo ngeviki, noma indawo yokufunda nje oya kuyo uma ufuna isikhathi sokuba wedwa futhi ungabi nabanye abantu. Isikhala ebudlelwaneni singumqondo omuhle.

“Sashintsha indawo yethu engaphansi yaba indawo yokufunda yasehhovisi,” kusho uFrances. “Kodwa futhi yilapho engiya khona uma ngifuna ukuba ngedwa.Ngingumuntu odinga isikhathi sami esiningi futhi leso sikhala singcwele kimi, futhi siyangisiza ngempela ukuthi ngingangeneki ebudlelwaneni bami ngendlela engafanele.”

Noma ngabe wena nophathina wakho anihlali ndawonye, ​​kuwumqondo omuhle ukuba nendawo eningaya kuyo uma nidinga ukuba wedwa. Kungaba isitolo sezincwadi osithandayo noma indawo epaki yangakini. Isikhala nje okungesakho nesakho wedwa.

6. Khetha ukuncika ngaphezu kokuthembela

Ubudlelwano be-codependent akuvamile ukuthi buvumele noma yimuphi umlingani ukuthi abe nezimpilo ezicebile, ezanelisayo ngaphandle kobudlelwano. I-Codependence imayelana nokuhlale ubeka umlingani wakho kuqala, futhi uzizwe unesibopho ngenjabulo nemizwa yakhe.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuthembela komunye nomunye kuzosho ukuthi udala futhi ukhulisa ubudlelwano obuqinile nobulinganiselayo ngenkathi uqinisekisa ukuthi ubuntu bakho buhlala bunjalo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zokuthi Usemshadweni Oxhomeke Kumuntu Oyedwa

Ukuzimela ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni kuyisici esiyinhloko sokuthembela komunye nomunye, kusho uPooja. “Ukuzimela ngokomzwelo kuyosho ukusondelene ngokomzwelo kodwa ube nokuphila komuntu siqu okucebile okungokomzwelo nenkululeko.” Ukuba nenkululeko yokukhuluma ngendlela ephephile ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni ngisho noma ezinye zezinto ezihlanganyelwe zingase zingqubuzane nalokho umlingani azizwa ngakho.

“Kusho futhi ukuntula ukusebenzelana okungokomzwelo okungenampilo lapho umuntu ekhungathekiswa umlingani wakhe ngaso sonke isikhathi,” uyanezela.

Ukufunda ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni kumayelana nokuhamba lokho kulinganisela okuhle phakathi kokunamathela kanye nenkululeko yomuntu siqu, ukuzizwa uvikelekile ebudlelwaneni bakho kunokuba umbheki futhi uhlale ubheka umlingani wakho. Ukuba yindoda ezimele ebudlelwaneni, noma owesifazane oqinile, ozimele ebuhlotsheni akulula, kodwa ukunqoba i-codependency yindawo enhle yokuqala.

7. Yiba nezimali ezizimele

Isiqubulo sami sobudlelwano obujabulisayo kanye nemingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo ukuthi ube nezindlu zangasese ezihlukene, ama-TV ahlukene kanye nama-akhawunti asebhange ahlukene. Yiqiniso, ungaba ne-akhawunti ehlanganyelwe lapho usebenza khona ngezindleko ezihlanganyelwe, amaholide, njll., kodwa ukuba nendawo yakho yokuzimela yokugcina imali yakho kukunika amandla amakhulu.

USabrina uthi: “Ngesikhathi sisebasha, mina nabangane bami sasivame ukusibiza ngokuthi ‘isikhwama sethu sokubalekela,’ kwakusho ukuthi kwakuyimali lapho sifuna ukubaleka.

Njengomuntu omdala, uSabrina wasigcina lesi sikhwama ngisho nangemva komshado. "Sisebenza sobabili, futhi sigcina i-akhawunti ehlanganyelwe, kodwa futhi sigcina ama-akhawunti ethu okulondoloza imali. Futhi asibuzani ukuthi yimalini esiyigcina lapho, noma ukuthi isetshenziswe ngani.

"Uma efuna ukuyisebenzisela ukuya ekhempini yedwa, uyayenza. Uma ngifuna ukuchitha isikhathi eholidini lolwandle nabangane bami noma ngishaye konke ohambweni lokuthenga, ngingakwazi. Akuseyona isikhwama sokubalekela, kodwa kuwuphawu lokuthi sisengabantu ababili abahlukene," uyanezela.

8. Jaha amaphupho akho

“Sase sineminyaka emithathu sishadile lapho ngithola umsebenzi kwelinye izwe,” kusho u-Elise. "Kwakuyindima yephupho, umkhiqizo engangihlale ngifuna ukusebenza nawo. Kodwa umyeni wami kwakudingeka ahlale lapho ayekhona ukuze enze umsebenzi wakhe. Ngakho, sanquma ukuzama umshado wamabanga amade. Sasihlangana kabili ngenyanga futhi sixhumana nsuku zonke ngezingcingo nangezingxoxo zevidiyo."

Kulula ukubona lokhu njengokuzimela ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni, ikakhulukazi njengoba nakhu unkosikazi endiza eyoqhuba umsebenzi wamaphupho akhe. "Umbono oyisisekelo wenkululeko uhlukile kwabesilisa nabesifazane," kusho uPooja.

“Kwabesilisa, inkululeko ebudlelwaneni imayelana nokwenza izinqumo, inkululeko yokwephula imithetho nemingcele. Kwabesifazane, imayelana ‘nokuvunyelwa’ ukwenza izinto ezifanayo ezenziwa ngamadoda ngaphandle kokucabanga kabili – njengohambo olulodwa noma iholide nabangani bobulili obufanayo ngaphandle komlingani nezingane,” enezela.

Kwakungelula, kodwa u-Elise wayezimisele ukukwenza kusebenze. “Ngangingeke ngilahle amaphupho ami ngomshado wami, futhi ngangingafuni ngempela ukunikela umshado wami ngenxa yamaphupho ami. Kwakuyilungiselelo elingajwayelekile, kodwa lasisebenzela. Ngijabule futhi ngiphumelele futhi ngisezingeni eliphezulu emsebenzini wami futhi lowo muzwa wokwaneliseka ungenza ngibe umuntu nenkosikazi engcono.”

9. Vumela ubuhlobo bakho buphefumule

Njengoba sesishilo, ezothando zivame ukubonwa njengobudlelwano obubaluleke kakhulu ezimpilweni zethu. Yonke ifilimu, iculo nencwadi ebhalwe ngothando lwezothando isitshela ukuthi lokhu kuyinto ephelele, ebaluleke kakhulu engenzeka kithi futhi kufanele sibambelele kukho ngisho nangaphandle kwakho konke okunye.

Kodwa-ke, uma ufuna ukuzimela ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, kuwumqondo omuhle ukukhululeka kancane. Kuyingcindezi enkulu ukuba omunye umuntu obalulekile, kanye nokuthunyelwe kwakhe okulalelayo, nomndeni wabo, kanye nomngane wabo omkhulu, njll. Ubudlelwano bakho budinga indawo yokuphefumula uma buzozimela ngaphandle kokuqapha njalo okuvela kuwe nophathina wakho.

Uma unezinye izifiso zobudlelwano nemizwa yakho, unikeza umlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho isikhala esincane sokukhula ngokwemibandela yabo. Yiqiniso, kunzima ukulinganisela ukuzimela ebudlelwaneni ngezinye izikhathi uma uzibuza ukuthi ungaba kanjani indoda ezimele ebudlelwaneni noma owesifazane ozimele oqinile ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ube usathandana kakhulu.

Kodwa isikhala, ukwethembana kanye nemingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo ibalulekile othandweni olukhulu, futhi kunenjabulo enkulu ekubukeni umlingani wakho eqhakaza njengomuntu oyedwa phakathi kobudlelwano bakho.

Indlela yokuzimela ebudlelwaneni ngumbuzo omema amashiya amaningi aphakanyisiwe. Futhi kaningi, ungase ubizwe ngokuzimela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho namazinga akho okuzimela akukona okwabanye abantu kodwa kungokwakho.

“Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo nobuphephile, umlingani ngamunye uba ngumuntu wakhe, ahlale abantu ababili abahlukene ngenkathi eqhubeka nokuba umbhangqwana. Umlingani ngamunye uyazisa izimfanelo ezahlukene zomunye futhi uvame ukufunda kuzo, kodwa kungaba yinhlekelele uma unomyeni noma umfazi ongazethembi oqala ukuqhathanisa nokuncintisana nomlingani,” kuxwayisa uPooja.

Ukuze uzimele ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, noma ngempela ukuzuza noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuzimela ebudlelwaneni bothando kudinga bobabili abalingani babe nomuzwa oqinile wobumina, kanye nenani eliqinile lokholo komunye nomunye. Zitholele, hlola ama-horizons akho, noma ngabe awahlangani ngaso sonke isikhathi nozakwenu. Ekugcineni, uthando kufanele luqale ngawe.

Ukudweba Umugqa Phakathi Kothando Nobumfihlo Ebudlelwaneni

Indlela Yokuzimela Ngezimali Njengowesifazane Oshadile

Izidingo Eziyi-10 Ezibalulekile Zomzwelo Ebudlelwaneni

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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