Uyini Umshado Ozimele? Izimpawu, Izimbangela, Nezindlela Zokulungisa

Ukucwiliswa izidingo zomngane womshado nokuzizwa uphoqelekile ukuzilungisa kuphakathi kwezinkomba zomshado oncikene. Kodwa-ke, abantu bavame ukulahla izimpawu ze-codependency ngezitatimende ezifana nalezi: 

• “Ngizimele kakhulu ukuthi ngingakwazi ukuzimela”, noma 
• “Ngingakwazi kanjani ukuzimela uma kuyimi umlingani wami ancike kuye ukuze athole ukwesekwa nosizo?” 

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kusekelwe ekuphikeni noma ekungaqondini, ukuthambekela kokuxhumana okungaxazululiwe akuphilile futhi akuhlali isikhathi eside. Kungaholela ngisho nasezinkingeni ezinkulu zobudlelwano noma esehlukaniso, ucwaningo lubonisa. Ngakho-ke singakubona futhi sikulungise kanjani ukuthambekela kokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni?

Kulesi sihloko, isazi sezengqondo uGopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), ogxile ekwelulekeni komshado kanye nomndeni, ucacisa umbuzo othi: ubukeka kanjani ukuthembela kumuntu othile, umehluko phakathi kothando olunempilo kanye nokuthembele kumuntu othile. Uphinde abelane ngezibonelo zokuthembela kumuntu othile futhi anikeze amathiphu okuthi ungakunqoba kanjani ukuthembela kumuntu othile emshadweni.

Kuyini I-Codependency Emshadweni?

Igama elithi “ukuxhomekeka komuntu ngamunye” ekuqaleni lalisetshenziswa ukuchaza amaphethini obudlelwano babantu abathandana noma ababelana ngempilo nabantu abayimilutha noma abadakwa. Eqinisweni, la maphethini aqala ukuqashelwa ngabafazi bamalungu e -Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), ngokusho kocwaningo . Ngenkathi lowo mbono usasebenza, izazi zengqondo manje ziyavuma ukuthi ukunamathela komuntu ngamunye kungaba yisisekelo sobudlelwano obungasebenzi kahle. Ngakho-ke, kuyini ukunamathela komunye nomunye emshadweni? Ukunamathela komunye nomunye emshadweni kungachazwa njengesimo lapho:

• Omunye umlingani uba matasa kakhulu enakekela omunye - kuze kube seqophelweni lokuzishaya indiva noma ngokomzimba futhi ukukhathala ngokomzwelo
• Bathululela yonke into ebuhlotsheni, baqede izidingo zabo, imingcele, futhi ekugcineni, umuzwa wabo wobumina 
• Bachaza, banciphise, noma bavumele ukuziphatha okubi kwabalingani babo 
• Bazizwa benesibopho ngemizwa nezenzo zomlingani wabo futhi bazame ukuhlenga, ukulungisa, noma ukulawula bona noma izinkinga zabo
• Banamathele kakhulu embonweni wokwenza ubudlelwano busebenze kangangokuthi bazimisele ukwenza konke okusemandleni ukuze bathole ukunakwa nothando abalufuna ngabomvu.
• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuncika kwabo ebuhlotsheni obungenampilo kubacindezela, kubafake esimeni esibucayi sobunikazi 

I-codependency ibukeka kanjani?

I-codependency ibukeka kanjani emshadweni? UGopa uthi: “Uma ucabanga ngomshado njengomdwebo weVenn, khona-ke imibuthano emibili engenelana phakathi imelela ubuhlobo obulinganiselayo.

Lapha, umuzwa wabalingani wobuwena kanye nokuzihlonipha kuhlanganiswa ndawonye. Njengoba ubudlelwano bungobokuphana konke nokwamukela konke, kukhona nokungalingani okuphawulekayo ezidingweni ezihlangatshezwayo. Ngokungafani nobudlelwano obunempilo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye , izidingo ezingokomzwelo nezingokomzimba zomlingani oyedwa zibusa ngokuphelele ubudlelwano. Lokhu kwenzeka ngoba uma kukhona abantu ababili abaxhomeke komunye nomunye ebudlelwaneni, omunye wabo uqala:

• Ukunganaki imingcele enempilo/ukwehluleka ukubeka imingcele nokuba matasa ngokuphelele nge-SO yabo
• Ukuyekethisa izidingo zabo kanye nokuguqula ukuziphatha kwabo kakhulu ukugcina abalingani babo bejabule futhi balondoloze ubuhlobo
• Ukuzizwa bekhathele futhi bevaleleke ebuhlotsheni njengoba umlingani wabo eqala ukuzizwa enelungelo laso sonke isikhathi namandla abo; ukuzethemba kwabo kushaya phansi; nokukhathazeka, intukuthelo, ukucasuka, nokucindezeleka kuyaqhuma

Yini ebangela ukuthembela?

I-Codependency iwukuziphatha okufundiwe okuyizimpande zayo ngokuvamile ezingalandelelwa ezidingweni ezingokomzimba nezingokomzwelo ezingahlangatshezwanga ebuntwaneni kanye nolwazi lwempilo yasencane. Nakhu okubangela ukuthembela ekuthatheni ubudlelwano:

• Izitayela zabazali: Kokubili ukuvikela ngokweqile nokuvikela umzali kungabangela izingane ukuba zithuthuke okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile kanye nezimpawu ze-codependency. Izingane ezivikelwe ngokweqile zifuna ukuqinisekiswa njalo. Futhi abalokothi bafunde ukwenza izinqumo noma ukuphatha imizwelo yabo. Zonke izici zobuntu obuncike komunye nomunye. Izingane ezingavikelekile zivame ukuzizwa zingaphephile, zingathandwa, futhi zisengozini ngenxa yokuntuleka kwenethi yokuphepha yabazali nokusekelwa ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kubaholela ekubeni babe nezinkinga zokungathembeki njengokwesaba ukuba yedwa noma ukwaliwa, ukujabulisa abantu ababahlukumezayo, noma ukuzizwa bengakhululekile lapho bebhekene nabanye. 
• Izindawo ezincikene nekhodi: Ukukhula eduze kwabazali abashintshashintshayo kungabangela ingane ukuba ifake ngaphakathi ukuziphatha okubi isencane futhi ikubonise ebuhlotsheni bothando babantu abadala. Abacwaningi baphinde bathola ukusebenza kobuchopho okushintshile emindenini yabantu abanezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa futhi bakuxhumanisa nokuthambekela kokuzimela. 
• Ukuhlukumezeka: Izifundo bathole ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, kungaba ngenxa yokunganakwa okungokomzwelo, ukuxhashazwa ngokobulili, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo noma ngamazwi, noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, nakho okubangela ukuthembela. Lapha ukusebenzisana kuyathuthuka njengendlela yokuzizwa uphephile, ukwazi ukulawula, noma ukuguqula imizwa engemihle - nakuba kungavamile ukusebenza 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izitayela Zokunamathisela I-Psychology: Indlela Okhuliswe Ngayo Ithinta Ubudlelwano

11 Izimpawu Eziyisixwayiso Zokubusa Emshadweni

Abantu ngokuvamile abaqapheli ukuthi bangena ephethinini encikene noma bazabalaza ukuqaphela izici zomuntu ozimele. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi kulula ukuphambanisa izimpawu zokusebenzisana nothando 'lwangempela' noma 'olungenamibandela' — okungenani ekuqaleni. Okuningi kwalokhu kungenxa yesiko elidumile, eliwuthanda kakhulu umqondo "wokudla konke" kanye "nokulahlekelwa wena" othandweni. 

Ukwakhiwa komphakathi nakho kwenza kube nzima ukuthola indlela yokunqoba ukuthembela. “Kunzima ukubona ukuzimela emiphakathini lapho amakhosikazi nomama kufanele ‘banakekele’ imikhaya yabo futhi bacindezele ubuntu babo ukuze kube ‘okuhle’ komkhaya,” kuchaza uGopa, “Ngenxa yesimo senhlalo, inkosikazi eyodwa ingase ibe nomuzwa wokuthi kudingeka ihlale emshadweni wayo, ngisho nalapho ixhashazwa, njengoba ikubheka kufana nokuthi ungubani.” Ngakho-ke, ubona kanjani uma ubhekene ne-codependency emshadweni? Noma, uma unomyeni noma unkosikazi ozimele? Nazi izimpawu eziyi-11 zokukhohliswa okungenakuphikiswa:

1. Awukho umehluko phakathi kuka 'thina' kanye 'nami'

Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ezicacile zokuthambekela kokuhambisana emshadweni: bobabili abashadile babhekana njengento eyodwa futhi benza njengento eyodwa. Ekugcineni, izimpilo zabo ziyahlangana kakhulu futhi ubudlelwano babo buqina kangangokuthi abazi ukuthi baphile kanjani noma basebenze kanjani njengabantu ngabanye. Ufuna ukwazi ukuthi kuyini ukuthambekela kokuhambisana emshadweni noma ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bunokuthambekela kokuthembela komunye nomunye? Zibuze:

• Ingabe uchitha isikhathi nabangane/umndeni wakho uwedwa ngezinye izikhathi noma ingabe umlingani wakho uhlala enawe? 
• Ingabe okuthandayo, ongakuthandi, izinto ozilibazisayo, okuthakaselayo, imizwa, kanye nokubukwa komhlaba kuhlobene nokukazakwenu?
• Ingabe kunzima kuwe ukwenza izinqumo ngaphandle kwazo?
• Ingabe uzizwa ulahlekile noma ukhathazekile uma nihlukene? Ingabe-ke uhlala uhlola kuzo?

Uma ungakwazi ukukuqonda kahle ukuthi ungubani ngaphandle komshado wakho, kubheke njengefulegi elibomvu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Ezi-5 Zokuthi Kungani Isikhala Ebuhlotsheni Singeyona Isibonakaliso Esibi

2. Izibopho ezigwegwile ziphakathi kwezimpawu zokusebenzisana

“Ngazi kanjani uma umngane wami womshado ebonisa izici zomuntu ozimele?” "Ngabe singabangane ababili ebudlelwaneni?" Uma kuyilokho enikubuzayo, bhekani ukuthi nobabili nabelana kanjani ngezibopho. Emshadweni onokuthambekela kokunye, umthwalo wemfanelo uwela ngokuqondile kumlingani oyedwa, ogcina ngokuthi:

• Ukunakekela zonke izici zokuphila kwakho okwabiwe
• Ukwenza zonke izinhlelo 
• Ecosha konke ukuxega, futhi
• Ukuxazulula zonke izinkinga izinkinga ebudlelwaneni kanye nempilo yakho ngabanye  

Ungase uzitshele ukuthi wena noma bona “benza konke” ngothando. Kodwa-ke, konke lokhu okwenziwayo ukunika amandla amaphethini nokuziphatha okungenzi ubudlelwano obunempilo noma umshado onempilo.

3. Icala nokusolwa kuyindlela eyodwa

Icala le-Codependency alinangqondo. Futhi indlela eyodwa. Umuntu ozimele uzozizwa enecala noma embi ngokungadingekile ngezinto angazange azenze futhi angakwazi ukuzilawula noma ukuzishintsha. Noma izinto eziyiphutha lomlingani wabo. Ngakho-ke, lapho abalingani babo bethola i-DUI, ngandlela thize bazizwa benesibopho ngayo. Noma, bacabanga ukuthi bebengayenza kanjani into ukuyivimba. 

Uma umlingani wabo ekhohlwa ukuyolanda izingane esikoleni, esikhundleni sokuziphendulela, azishaye ngokungazikhumbuzi. Abalingani babo bavame ukusebenzisa lokhu kuthambekela ukuze babalekele lonke icala. Noma, babeke icala ekutholeni abakufunayo. Uma umngane womshado ezizwa enesibopho ngakho konke okwenzeka komunye noma evumela umlingani wakhe ukuba amenze azizwe kanjalo, kungenye yezibonelo ezishiwo kakhulu zokusebenzisana emshadweni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ukukhubeka Ebudlelwaneni Kuyindlela Yokuhlukumeza?

4. Ukufihla ukuziphatha okubi kowakwakho

I-codependency ibukeka kanjani? Ngezinye izikhathi, kubonakala kanje:   

• Lapho omunye umngane womshado eziphatha kabi ngemva kokudakwa ephathini, omunye uyabamboza noma enze izaba ngabo
• Uma umlingani oyedwa elahlekelwa yisamba esikhulu semali ekugembuleni noma enza enye indlela ukungathembeki ngokwezimali, njengokuthola isikweletu sekhadi lesikweletu, omunye umba emalini abongile ukuze abakhulule

Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, omunye umngane womshado uvikela omunye ngempoqo emiphumeleni yezenzo zakhe. Ngezinye izikhathi, lokhu kubangelwa ukuhlanganisa unembeza wabo noma ukwephula umthetho. Futhi kubangelwa ukwesaba ukubhekana, ukucasula, ukudumaza, noma ukulahlekelwa umlingani wabo. Uma usesimweni esifanayo, khumbula, umlingani wakho ungumuntu omdala okufanele azi ukuthi izenzo nezinqumo zakhe zinemiphumela.

Ukuze uphule iphethini, kuzodingeka uvumele umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlanze ukungcola kwakhe, esikhundleni sokuzama ukuxazulula zonke izinkinga kuye.

Gopa Khan, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

5. Omunye umlingani uyathethelela futhi uyathethelela

Nakuba ukuthethelela ebudlelwaneni kubalulekile, kuthathwa ngokweqile esimweni sokuthembela komunye nomunye. Kubuye kube yilungelo elilodwa lomlingani oyedwa kuphela. Abantu abathembele komunye nomunye bathethelela kalula yonke into embi, yonke iphutha, yonke into engalungile eyenziwe umlingani wabo ngaphandle kokubathwesa icala.

Ngokusho kukaGopa, lokhu kudalwa wukwesaba ukulahlwa nokuba wedwa. Ngakho-ke, baqhubeka nokukhulula abalingani babo kunoma yikuphi ukona ngethemba lokuthi bazobona iphutha lezindlela zabo noma bashintshe. Kodwa ngaphandle kokuba baphendule ngezenzo zabo, kungani bezolandisa?

6. Emshadweni ozimele, ushintsho alubi ngcono 

Sonke siyaguquka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi akekho ongasho ukuthi ungumuntu ofanayo nalowo ayenguye eminyakeni engu-5, 10, noma engu-20 edlule. Kodwa, ngabantu ababili abancikene ebuhlotsheni, lolu shintsho alulona olungcono. Ake siqonde ukuthi kanjani. Uma uhlola ukuthi i-codependency ibukeka kanjani, uzothola into eyodwa engekho - igama elithi cha.

Abantu abathembele komunye nomunye bashintshana ngokuzethemba ukuze bathole ukuqinisekiswa. Bazizwa bephoqelekile ukuthi bathi yebo kukho konke okufunwa umlingani wabo. Bachitha isikhathi esiningi bedansela imizwa yomlingani wabo futhi bethembele komunye nomunye ngokomzwelo kangangokuthi abasakwazi ukuxhumana nemizwa yabo. Ekugcineni, bagcina sebenokuzethemba okuphansi.

Imicabango yabo, imibono, imizwa, kanye nobunikazi babo bungcwatshwa bujule kangangokuthi abakwazi ukufinyelela kubo - ngisho noma befuna. Ukungasho ukuthi cha, ukuvumela othile akutshele ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi wenze kanjani, uxolise ngezinto ongenasibopho kuzo, ukuziba ukuzinakekela - lezi yizimpawu zokuthi unikeza amandla akho kanye nezandulela zokuyeka izingxenye zakho. Futhi abukho ubuhlobo obufanele lokho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amandla Ashukumisayo Ebudlelwaneni - Indlela Yokugcina Kuphilile

7. Kukhona umnakekeli oqhubekayo kanye nesisulu saphakade

Uma usuka kude, imibhangqwana encikene ingase ibonakale sengathi iyahlanya othandweni. Kodwa ukubhekisisa kuzobonisa ukuthi omunye wabo wenza ingxenye enkulu yothando nokukhathalela. Lowo phathina uvamise ukusebenza njengomnakekeli/umnikezeli kanti omunye uthatha indima yesisulu/umthathi ebudlelwaneni. Okuhlukanisa imibhangqwana enjalo ukuthi: 

• Akekho ozakwethu ophumayo endimeni yakhe. Akekho ukuphindisela noma ukupha nokuthatha okunempilo 
• Kunokungalingani okukhulu kwamandla lapho umuntu oyedwa ehlala ethobela omunye futhi azidela nenhlalakahle yakhe egameni lothando olungenabugovu - kuze kube sekugcineni.
• Abantu ababili abancikene ebudlelwaneni bondlana amaphethini angalungile  

8. Ophayo uzizwa elahlekile ngaphandle kobunikazi 'bomkhululi'

Cabanga ngalesi simo. Umlingani wakho ekugcineni unquma ukuyeka ukusetshenziswa kabi kotshwala noma izidakamizwa futhi angene e-rehab. Noma, baqala ukusebenzela ekubeni uzakwethu onokwethenjelwa ongabelana ngemithwalo yakho futhi akunikeze ukwesekwa. Kodwa esikhundleni sokuzizwa unethemba futhi ukhululekile ngalokhu kuphenduka kwezenzakalo, uzizwa ulahlekile futhi uncishwe okuthile. 

Ukunakekela nokuhlenga uzakwenu kuvame ukuba into esemqoka empilweni yomuntu ozimele. Bazizwa belahlekile ngaphandle kwayo.

Kuvamile ukuba umuphi noma umhlengi osemshadweni ozimele angene ekucindezelekeni noma athukuthele lapho umlingani wakhe enquma ukuqala ukwenza imizamo yokuba ngcono. Bangase badale isiphithiphithi ngamabomu ukuze baphinde bafake isigqoko somhlengi. Akuvamile futhi ukuthi umenzi aqhubeke nomshado athole omunye umuntu 'ozomlondoloza'.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ngizoba Ngedwa Kuze Kube Phakade? Indlela Okuzizwa Ngayo Nezindlela Zokubhekana Nakho

9. Ukwesaba ukuba wedwa kukugcina unamathele emshadweni

USharon (igama elishintshiwe) wayeneminyaka engu-30 futhi ubhekene nokukhathazeka okukhulayo kwabazali ngesimo sakhe sokungashadi lapho ehlangana noJared, owayeseshadile kakade. Wamncenga ukuthi ashade naye. Ngeshwa, ngemva nje komshado, uJared wamthuka futhi wamhlukumeza ngokomzimba. Nakuba uSharon akubona ukuhlukunyezwa, waqhubeka ephika. Wazizwa enecala ngesimo sakhe futhi waba nomuzwa wokuthi kudingeka ‘asamukele’ ngenxa yokwesaba ukuba yedwa.

UGopa uthi: “Lesi ngesinye sezici zakudala zokuthembela ebuhlotsheni, lapho umuntu enomuzwa wokuthi ngeke akwazi ukuphila ngenye indlela kunalokhu akuyo,” kusho uGopa, “Izimo zentsha ezama ukuzibulala lapho ubuhlobo bayo bunqamuka ngoba inomuzwa wokuthi ngeke iqhubekele phambili ekuphileni ngaphandle kwazo ziyizibonelo zokuthembela komunye nomunye.

Kubantu abathembele komunye nomunye, ukwesaba ukuba wedwa kuvame ukubaqeda amandla. Lokhu kungabaholela ngisho nasekutheni bamukele ubudlelwano obungenampilo noma obuyingozi futhi bazinikele ngokuphelele ekubulungiseni futhi busebenze. Kodwa-ke, abukho ubuhlobo obungasindiswa ngaphandle kokulungisa kuqala amaphethini anephutha ngokwemvelo.

10. Izinkinga zokulawula kanye nokukhathazeka kuyizimpawu ezibalulekile zokusebenzisa izinto ngendlela eyodwa

Ingabe ama-codependents alawulayo? Bangaba. Izinkinga ze-Codependency nokulawula kuvame ukuxhunyaniswa. Ophayo uqhutshwa ukuthi alawule yonke into - ukuziphatha okufundiwe kusukela ekukhuleni endaweni engasebenzi kahle noma enesiphithiphithi, eyabashiya bezizwa bengalawuleki. Baphinde bakhathazeke ngokweqile, ngisho nalapho izinto zibahambela kahle. Futhi, bahlale belindele ukuthi esinye isicathulo sehle ngoba yileyo iphethini abayijwayele. Umuntu osebudlelwaneni obuncikene naye, okwamanje, uzimisele ukuyeka konke ukulawula ekuqaleni kodwa uzocasuka kamuva.

11. Abangane bomshado abazimele bakuthola kunzima ukuhlukana 

Uyazi ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ukukhathazeka okuqhubekayo, intukuthelo, noma inzondo kusakazeke kakhulu ukuba kunganakwa. Kodwa awukwazi ukuzisusa emshadweni bese uqala kabusha. Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi:

• Umcabango nje wokuhlukana ukugcwalisa umuzwa wecala namahloni 
• Uzikholise ngokuthi umlingani wakho ngeke akwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwakho. Ngakho-ke, umcabango wokubuyisela impilo yakho ufana nokuchitha eyabo, noma 
• Umqondo wokuthi inhlalakahle yomlingani wakho kuwumthwalo wakho wemfanelo usugxile kakhulu kangangokuthi ukuhlukana naye ngokwakho sekucishe kwaba yinto engenakwenzeka.

“Lesi isici esinzima kunazo zonke sokuthembela emshadweni njengoba kungase kuyiqiniso ukuthi othile angase angakwazi ukubhekana nesimo ngaphandle komngane wakhe womshado. Kodwa, ukushiya komngane womshado kungase kusize umuntu ongasebenzi kahle athole usizo aludingayo.” Noma kunjalo, ukuzimela kungaba nomthelela omkhulu empilweni yengqondo, eyakho kanye neyabathandekayo bakho,” kusho uGopa. Kungakho ukuqonda i-codependency, ikakhulukazi izimpawu ze-codependency, futhi ukuthola izindlela zokuyilungisa kubalulekile. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Ezingenakuphikwa Zobuhlobo Obuxhomeke Kumuntu Oyedwa

Ingabe Ubuhlobo Be-Codependent Bungasindiswa? 6 Amathiphu Asekelwe Ochwepheshe Angasiza

Ingabe ukuthambekela kokuhambisana kwemizwa kunempilo emshadweni? Lutho neze. Ngaphandle kokuthi uthando lugeleza ngezindlela zombili futhi ngokulinganayo ebudlelwaneni, alunakuthiwa luphilile. Futhi alunakuchazwa njengothando lwangempela. Ngakho-ke, ingabe ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye bungasindiswa? Ingabe umbhangqwana ungakunqoba ukuthambekela kokuhambisana kwemizwa ? Yebo, uma nje izimpawu nezigaba zokuthambekela kokuhambisana kwemizwa zibonakala kusenesikhathi futhi kufunwa usizo lochwepheshe noma iseluleko somshado, ngokusho kwalolu cwaningo.

Uma uzama ukuqonda ukuthi ungakugwema kanjani ukuncika noma unganciki kangako kumlingani wakho, u-Gopa uneseluleko sokuyeka ukuncika okungenampilo, ukuphulukisa umshado oncike kuwo wonke umuntu, kanye nokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo:

1. Phinda uthole ubuwena

“Ukugxila ekuthuthukiseni ubuwena, ukuzethemba, ukuzenza, kanye nomqondo wokuzazi kubalulekile ekuhlanganiseni ndawonye indida yokuthi ungakunqoba kanjani ukuzimela,” kusho uGopa. Ukuze wenze lokhu, kufanele:

• Thatha isikhathi 'sami' 
• Gcina ubungane bakho bomuntu ngamunye, izinto zokuzilibazisa, kanye nemisebenzi 
• Phuma endaweni yokunethezeka yobudlelwano bakho futhi ukhululeke ukuphishekela ukuzimela okuthile

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-8 Zokuthi Uzilahla Ebudlelwaneni Nezinyathelo Ezi-5 Zokuzithola Futhi

2. Gxila ekuzinakekeleni

UGopa uthi: “Indlela yokunakekela ebonakala kubantu abathembele emikhakheni ehlukene ivame ukusungulwa ebuntwaneni. Ukuze ugweme ukuzimela futhi uthande umuntu ngokukhathala, zama: 

• Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi funda ukuzithanda
• Hlola ngamabomu izimiso zakho ezibalulekile nokuthi yini oyifunayo ebuhlotsheni
• Zijwayeze ukusho lokho okufunayo futhi uhlole ukuthi uzizwa kanjani njalo

3. Hlela kabusha lokho onesibopho sakho nalokho ongekho

NgokukaGopa, ukuze uthole ukuthi ungawanqoba kanjani amanga e-codependency, kufanele:

• Vuma ukuthi awunacala ngokuhlukumezeka komlingani wakho
• Yeka ukucabanga ukuthi nguwe kuphela ongalungisa izinkinga zabo
• Gwema ukwenza abantu obathandayo bathembele kuwe kuze kube yilapho bengakwazi ukuzinakekela
• Qonda ukuthi uma umuntu ehlukumeza, esebenzisa izinto, noma ekhohlisa, nguye yedwa onesibopho sokuziphatha kwakhe
• Susa ukuthambekela kokuzizwa unecala noma ukufihla/ukufihla isimo sakho kwamanye amalungu omndeni 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izibonelo Eziyi-9 Zemingcele Yemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

4. Beka imingcele

Uma ubulokhu uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe ubudlelwano bokuncika komunye nomunye bungasindiswa?”, yazi ukuthi ngeke kwenzeke uma kungekho mingcele enempilo. “Kuze kube yilapho bevumela ukufiphala kwemingcele, abantu abancika komunye nomunye bazoqhubeka nokuzizwa bengenalusizo futhi bengalawuleki ebudlelwaneni babo,” kusho uGopa. Ukuze ulungise ukuncika komunye nomunye futhi uzivikele, kuzodingeka ufunde ukuqiniseka nokubeka imingcele ngesikhathi sakho, isikhala sakho, amandla, ezezimali, kanye nokuziphatha ozobekezelela nongeke ukubekezelele.

5. Hlukanisa amaphethini angenampilo

Ukuqeda ukusebenzisana emshadweni akusho ukuqeda umshado, kodwa ukugwema amaphethini ancikene bese ufaka anempilo esikhundleni sawo. Ukuze ulungise umshado ozimele, ungase udinge: 

• Buza ukuthi kungani uvumelana nento ethile nokuthi unaso yini isikhathi/amandla ayo esikhundleni sokuthi yebo ngokushesha
• Yehlisa ukuphelela futhi ubeke okulindelwe okungokoqobo ngawe, umlingani wakho, nobudlelwano
• Vumela umlingani wakho abhekane nezinkinga zakhe 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulungisa Ubudlelwano Obunobuthi - Izindlela Ezingu-21 Zokuphulukisa Ndawonye

6. Thola usizo

Ukunqoba i-codependency akulula futhi indlela eya ekululameni ayiqondile, ayisheshi, noma ilula. Ukuze uzulazule ngempumelelo i-conundrum yokuthi ungayinqoba kanjani i-codependency, uzodinga ukuthuthukisa amasu okubhekana nesimo, uphule amaphethini amadala, futhi uhlele kabusha ukucabanga okungalungile. Lokho kungase kudinge ukwelashwa.

Uma ufuna usizo, kunabeluleki abanolwazi kuphaneli yeBono bology abangakujabulela ukukusiza. Ukujoyina iqembu lokusekela, njenge- Al-Anon noma i-Alcoholics Anonymous, kungakusiza futhi ukuthi uthole umbono wangaphandle futhi ubhekane nokuthambekela kokuxhumana nabantu.

NgokukaGopa, inqubo yokuphulukisa umshado oncikene ingaqala kuphela lapho usuqala ukuphinde uzithole futhi ugxile kuwena nasezidingweni zakho. “Ekuqaleni, ukufunda indlela yokulwa nokungathembeki nokugqashula amaphethini amadala kungase kube nzima. Kulapho-ke ukufuna ukwelashwa kungakusiza ukuba uhlale usendleleni futhi uhlale ukhumbula izingibe zokwenza umshado ozimele usebenze futhi wakhe ubuhlobo obunempilo.”

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.