Ukushada nendoda oyithandayo kuyisibusiso. Kodwa kuthiwani uma lokho obucabanga ukuthi kuyizimpawu zokuthi uyahlanya ngawe kuvela okunye? Ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano, isidingo sakhe esiqhubekayo sokukufonela, ahlole ukuthi ukuphi, akulandele nokunye kungase kubonakale kukuhle. Nokho, xwayiswa, kungaba nolunye uhlangothi - kungenzeka ukuthi uhlala nomyeni ongavikelekile.
Ukungavikeleki kungangena ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obuhle kakhulu nobunothando. Kodwa lapho weqa umkhawulo, uthola ukuminza. Okuxakayo ukuthi akukhona ukuthi umuntu wakho akakuthandi. Kunalokho, angase akuthande ngaphezu kokuba umthanda. Kodwa umyeni ongalondekile, onomona angaba nemizwelo eminingi engemihle. Ngenxa yalokho, ubuhlobo benu bungase bube yingozi kakhulu, okuholela kumyeni ongalondekile obhidliza umshado wenu. “Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile futhi enomona?” "Ungabhekana kanjani nozakwethu ongavikelekile?" “Umyeni wami akalondekile. Ingabe ukungazethembi kwakhe kuzosilahlekisela umshado wethu?”
Imibuzo enjengale ingaba isici esiyinhloko somshado wakho lapho usebenzelana nomngane womshado ongalondekile. Isimo singabonakala sifiphele kodwa akuwona wonke amathemba alahlekile. Silapha ukuze sikusize ngendlela efanele yokubhekana nozakwethu ongavikelekile, kodwa ngaphambi kwalokho ake sibheke ezinye izimpawu ezivamile zomyeni ongavikelekile ukuze uqonde amaphethini akhe okuziphatha kangcono, ngemininingwane evela kuchwepheshe wezengqondo. Juhi Pandey Mishra (MA Psychology), ogxile kwezothando, ukwelulekwa ngaphambi komshado nokuhlukana.
Yiziphi Izimpawu Zokungavikeleki Endodeni?
Okuqukethwe
Nakuba ukungavikeleki kungaba esinye sezizathu ukuziphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni, umyeni ongalondekile angase angabi nobudlova ngokweqile noma abe nombono omubi, okungenani ekuqaleni. Kodwa-ke, uma kuyekwa kungabhekwa ukuziphatha komyeni okungavikelekile kungaphuma ekulawuleni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Umbuzo-ke uwukuthi, unquma kanjani lapho izici zomyeni ongalondekile kudingeka zithathwe ngokungathi sína?
Juhi uthi, “Nakuba kuvamile ukubona ukungazethembi kwabesilisa nabesifazane ngezinga elithile, kuyimbangela yokukhathazeka lapho ukuziphatha okungalondekile kuqala ukusongela sona kanye isisekelo sobuhlobo.
Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba izinto zifike kuleli qophelo, izimpawu ezicashile zokuziphatha komyeni ongavikelekile ziyabonakala, uma unaka. Udinga ukuqaphela futhi uphonse inselele uma ungafuni umyeni ongavikelekile achithe umshado. Qaphela uma...
1. Ukubuza kakhulu
Esinye sezici ezibaluleke kakhulu zomyeni ongavikelekile ukuthambekela kwakhe kokungabaza konke okwenzayo. Omunye umbuzo ungase uholele komunye njengoba engabonakali enelisekile nganoma iyiphi incazelo. U-Anna, manje osehlukene nomyeni wakhe, uyavuma ukuthi lesi sibonelo sasihlale sibonakala endleleni yakhe yokuziphatha kodwa akazange akunake kwaze kwaba yilapho izinto ziqala ukungahambi kahle.
Kusukela ngesikhathi besathandana, owayengumyeni wakhe, uJonathan, wayembuza imibuzo eminingi kakhulu mayelana nosuku lwakhe, ukuthi wayaphi, wahlangana nobani nokunye. Kamuva, emshadweni wabo, kwaholela ekubeni inqwaba izindaba zokuthembela futhi wayelokhu esola ukuthi uyaqhatha, ebadabula. Ngesikhathi umyeni ongalondekile obhidliza umshado efika kuye, umonakalo wawusuwenzekile futhi bengakwazi ukwenza ubuhlobo babo buphumelele.
2. Uyokudikibalisa
Umyeni ongavikelekile akavamile ukukukhuthaza ukuba uphume endaweni yakho yokunethezeka noma uzame ukuzuza noma yini ephakeme. Futhi unkulunkulu makakwenqabele uma ugcina wenza kangcono kunaye emsebenzini wakho njengokukhushulwa esikhundleni noma ukunyuselwa iholo! Uma esikhundleni sokuziqhenya ngezimpumelelo zakho, ezama ukukubeka phansi, akungabazeki ukuthi usebenzelana nomyeni ongalondekile.
Ukungazethembi kwakhe okucashile nakho kubhebhethekisa umona wakhe, yingakho engase angawutholi kuyena ukuze akujabulele. Ngokuqinisekile, “umyeni wami akazethembi ngalokho engikufezile” akuwona ukuqaphela okujabulisayo ukubhekana nakho. Uma kubonakala ukuthi owakwakho akakwazi ukukuthathela izimpande, kuzoba nzima kakhulu ukuthi unikeze u-100% wakho ebudlelwaneni. Ekugcineni, lokhu kungase kube ukuchithwa kwesibopho sakho.
3. Uhlala edinga ukuqinisekiswa kuwena
Uma uhlala nomyeni ongavikelekile, lindela ukuthi akusize ekunciphiseni ukuzethemba kwakhe. Uzongabaza ukukushiya wedwa; hhayi ngokukhathazeka kodwa kakhulu ngokwesaba ukuthi ungase umshiye. Uzodinga ukuthi uhlale umqinisekisa ukuthi uyamthanda, ukhona futhi ngeke umshiye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.
Isikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni siba umbono ongajwayelekile lapho oshade naye engavikelekile. Ungase usale uzibuza, ‘Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile kangaka? Ngenzani? Ngingamqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi angiyi ndawo? Ukungavikeleki kobudlelwane kungenza isibopho sakho sinqande kunokuxhumana okunempilo okufanele kube yikho.
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4. Uzokulawula
Umyeni oswele ongavikelekile uyohlale ezama ukukulawula ngandlela thize noma ngenye. Uzofuna ukwazi ukuthi uhlangana nobani, usichithaphi isikhathi sakho, wenzani, nokunye. Uzozithola njalo ukubhekana nomyeni olawulayo othola induduzo ngokugcina amathebhu kukho konke okwenzayo. Uma ezizwa engalondekile ngezenzo zakho, angase azame ukwenza nawe uzizwe ngendlela efanayo. Uma umyeni wakho ekwenza uzizwe ungavikelekile, kuwuphawu lwakudala lokuthi uveza ukungazethembi kwakhe kuwe.
5. Ngeke ahloniphe ubumfihlo bakho
Noma ngabe usondelene kangakanani, kunemingcele ethile ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obuseduze. Kodwa umyeni ongavikelekile akakholelwa ezintweni ezinhle njengokungabheki kumakhalekhukhwini wakho, ukukucupha ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma ukungazidluliseli ezintweni zakho eziyimfihlo. Njengoba ingxenye yakhe ihlale igcwele ukwesaba ukuthi uzomshiya, umphathe kabi, umdumaze, akakwazi ukulwa nesifiso sokuhlala eqaphela zonke izici zokuphila kwakho.
Akushiwo, sonke isihogo siyavuleka uma empeleni ethola ukuthi ubumgcinele okuthile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani noma akubalulekile. Ingxenye engcono yesikhathi namandla akho izongena ekutholeni indlela yokubeka imingcele nomyeni ongalondekile kodwa ngempumelelo encane. Noma yimuphi umzamo ohlangothini lwakho wokudweba umugqa esihlabathini futhi ucele indawo yomuntu siqu uzohlangabezana nokuphikiswa ngendlela yokulwa, izingxabano, nokumangalelana.
Ungamsekela Kanjani Umyeni Wakho Ongavikelekile?
“Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile kangaka?” Lo mcabango kungenzeka ukuthi uyakukhuphula odongeni, kodwa uyamthanda noma kunjalo futhi awufuni ukulahlekelwa yilokho onakho naye ngenxa nje yokuziphatha komyeni okungavikelekile. Ngakho, wenzani-ke? Nokho, mhlawumbe ukushintsha umbono kungakusiza wena nomshado wakho.
Esikhundleni sokulahlekelwa ukuthula kwengqondo ngenxa yokuthi, “Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile futhi enomona?”, zama ukugxila ekutholeni ukuthi ungasiza kanjani umlingani ongavikelekile. Ngokusekela, siqonde, ukumsiza ukuba anqobe imizwa yokungazethembi futhi angadli izindlela zakhe zokuziphatha ezingenampilo. Nazi ezinye izindlela eziqinile zokweseka umyeni wakho ongavikelekile:
1. Phawula amaphethini okuziphatha kwakhe
Lapho uhlala nomyeni ongalondekile, yenza umzamo wokuqaphela amaphethini akhe noma izinto ezimbangelayo. Yiziphi izigameko eziveza ukungavikeleki? Amanye amadoda ayazethemba lapho ebona amakhosikazi awo enamanye amadoda. Akuvamile futhi ukubona indoda ingaqiniseki ngokuthi umkakhe uphumelele kakhulu kunaye. Nakuba abanye bangase babe nezinkinga nezici ezifana nezezimali noma umzali.
Kufanele uhlonze izimbangela zokungavikeleki kwakhe kanye nezimbangela ezivamile. Yini ngempela ebangela umyeni wakho futhi izizathu ezifanayo njalo single? Uma usulitholile iphethini, ungathola ukuqonda okungcono kakhulu komqondo wakhe nokuthi yini emthintayo okuzokusiza ukuthi uthole izixazululo.
“Kungenzeka ukuthi usabela entweni oyenzile noma oyishoyo, kodwa yazi ukuthi izimbangela nezizathu zokungalondeki zihlale zingaphakathi kumuntu.” Izici zangaphandle zimane nje ziziveze obala, ngakho uma ufuna ukuba nethemba lokungisiza nginqobe ukungazethembi kwakhe, udinga ukufinyelela kulezi zimbangela eziyisisekelo,” kusho uJuhi.
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2. Msize aqondise izinkathazo zakhe kokuthile okuphumelelayo
Ukungavikeleki, ukukhathazeka, umhawu, kanye nokudangala konke kulele emazingeni ahlukene e-spectrum ubudlelwano obubi. Uma ufuna ukusiza umyeni wakho ongavikelekile, mhlawumbe ungazama ukuletha umbono omuhle embonweni wakhe ngempilo. Hola ekumkhuthazeni ukuba asebenzise amandla akhe kokuthile okukhiqizayo.
Sebenzani ndawonye. Zama futhi uhlele uhambo olwengeziwe neminye imisebenzi ejabulisayo. Ukuzivocavoca njalo kusiza ukunciphisa ukucindezeleka ngakho lezi zinyathelo ezincane zingenza ushintsho ebuntwini bakhe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukutshala imali ekuzinakekeleni kungaba yindlela enhle yokulwa nokungazethembi njengoba noma yiluphi ushintsho oluhle endleleni yakho yokuphila lukwenza uzizwe ujabule ngawe. Uma ufuna ukusiza umyeni wakho othukuthele, ongavikelekile, msize abe uhlobo olungcono lwakhe.
3. Funa usizo lomeluleki
Uma ukungazethembi kwakhe kulimaza ubuhlobo benu, sekuyisikhathi sokuthatha isinyathelo, ikakhulukazi lapho ungafuni ukumlahla. Ungase ufune ukuhlenga umshado wakho, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungase ungabi nalo ikhono elidingekayo lokusebenzelana nomlingani ongalondekile ngaphandle kokukuvumela ukuthi kubangele ukulimala ebuhlotsheni bakho noma impilo yakho yengqondo.
Uma kunjalo, kungcono kakhulu ukumkhuthaza ukuba afune usizo lomeluleki uma enokungaqiniseki okujulile. Akushiwo ukuthi lokhu kuzodinga ukuthi akwamukele ukuthi unezinkinga ezidinga ukulungiswa. Ukufuna ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi noma ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kungasiza ekususeni imbangela yezinkinga futhi kwakhe isisekelo esisha sobudlelwano obuphephile. Uma ufuna usizo, abelaphi abanelayisensi nabanekhono bavuliwe Ifasitelana le-Bonobologyl zilapha kuwe.
Leyo yindlela enempilo kakhulu yokuvimbela umyeni ongalondekile ekubhidlizeni umshado. Kodwa ungazami ukulungisa izinkinga zakhe uwedwa uma kukubangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu futhi kuphazamise umshado. Nobabili, wena nomyeni wakho kufanele nifune ukwenza umshado uphumelele.
Ungabhekana Kanjani Nomyeni Ongavikelekile Futhi Umsize?
Zonke izigameko zokungavikeleki akufanele ziholele ezinkantolo zedivosi. Akuzona zonke izimpawu zomyeni ongalondekile ezibonisa ukuthi ubuhlobo benu buyohluleka. Uma unomlingani ongavikelekile, okubalulekile yizinga kanye nobukhulu. Eqinisweni, kuvame ukuba umgwaqo omude ngaphambi kokuba ufinyelele kumyeni ongalondekile obhidliza isiphetho somshado. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nozakwethu ongavikelekile iwukuba ungavumeli isimo sikhuphuke size sifike lapho ukungazethembi kwakhe kuba nobuthi futhi kuqale ukukulimaza.
Uma nje ubudlelwano bakho nowakwakho ongavikelekile bungakabi nobuthi noma buhlukumeze, bungasingathwa ngobuhlakani nokuqonda kancane. Yebo, akulula ukuhlala nomyeni ongalondekile kodwa uma umthanda ngokweqiniso zikhona izindlela nezindlela zokumsiza - UMA ucabanga ukuthi kuwufanele lokho. Ngakho,
1. Bheka ukuziphatha kwakho
Uhambo lokubhekana nozakwethu ongavikelekile luqala ngokuzihlola okuthile. Thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uhlaziye isimo sakho sengqondo. Udinga ukuhlola ukuthi ingabe unikela ezimpawini zomyeni ezingavikelekile, ngokuqaphela noma ngokungazi. Ingabe wena, ngezitatimende zakho nangendlela oziphatha ngayo, unezela emizweni yakhe engemihle? Ingabe uzizwa ephansi lapho enawe? Ingabe uvame ukubusa futhi ulawule imigomo?
Kwesinye isikhathi izehlakalo ezincane, izinkulumo kanye nokuthinta komzimba, ongase ungakubheki njengokubalulekile, kungathinta ukuzethemba kwakhe futhi kukhulise izici ezicashile zomyeni ongavikelekile. Akukho okubi ekuzikhuzeni uma kuholela ekuqiniseni umshado wakho. Khumbula indoda yakho engavikelekile angase abe nokuzethemba okuphansi futhi udinga ukubhekana nakho.
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2. Ziqaphele izinkinga zomyeni wakho ongavikelekile
Kukhona ezahlukene izinhlobo zokungazethembi ebudlelwaneni futhi zithinta ukuxhumana kombhangqwana ngezindlela ezahlukene. Ngaphambi kokuba ugxume umsole ngokuthi ungumngane womshado ongavikelekile, zama futhi ubheke umthombo wokungazethembi kwakhe. Ingabe uke waba nobudlelwane obubi esikhathini esidlule? Ingabe uye wahlushwa izinkinga zobuntwana ezifana nokuba nabazali abanobuthi abazibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okungalondekile? Noma ingabe lezi zinkinga ezincane ze-ego?
“Ukungalondeki cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi kuhlobene nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kwesikhathi esidlule, ngokuvamile okuhlobene nobuntwana.” Uma ekhule ezizwa engathandwa noma enganakwa abazali bakhe noma abanakekeli abayinhloko, noma uma eye wakhohliswa umngane wakhe wesikhathi esidlule, lomthwalo ongokomzwelo ngokuqinisekile uyoholela ekuziphatheni okungalondekile.
Uma wazi umthombo wezinkinga zakhe - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zincane noma zinkulu - ukusebenza kuzo kuba lula kakhulu. Mhlawumbe ningakwazi ngisho nokusebenza ndawonye kuzo, nifune usizo lochwepheshe.
3. Msekele ngezikhathi ezinzima
Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungamsiza kanjani uzakwethu ongavikelekile, yazi ukuthi ukwesekwa kwakho nobubele kungaba ozakwethu abakhulu kule mpi yokulwa nokungazethembi kwakhe okucashile. Abanye abantu badinga ugqozi nesikhuthazo esincane esivela kubalingani babo. Amazwi ambalwa okusekela, ikakhulukazi lapho bedangele, angabasiza behlise umoya futhi adambise ukwesaba kwabo ngendlela enkulu.
Njengoba umnotho unjalo, izingcindezi zezimali nezomsebenzi zivamile. Ngaleso sikhathi, zama ukuba yinsika yokweseka indoda yakho. Uma umbukela phansi noma umgxeka kakhulu, kungase kubangele ukungazethembi. Enye indlela yokwenza umyeni wakho othukuthele, ongalondekile alawule izici zakhe zobuntu ezingathandeki iwukuba insika yakhe yamandla nokusekela. Kungase kuzizwe kungaphezu kwamandla ekuqaleni, kodwa njengoba eqala ukubonisa izimpawu zokuthuthuka, uzokwazi ukuthi kuwufanele umzamo.
4. Mncome ngobuqotho
Sonke siyathanda ukuqinisekiswa ngumphakathi kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu, ikakhulukazi kumuntu womndeni, ukuqinisekiswa kowakwakhe. Bonisa ukuthi uzikhathalela ngempela izimpumelelo zakhe. Funda ukumncoma ngokukhululekile futhi ngokweqiniso. Lokhu akukhona ukufunza i-ego yakhe kodwa ukumsiza ukuba anqobe noma yikuphi ukungabaza.
UMonica, osebenza ebhange lokutshalwa kwezimali, wazithola esesimweni esibucayi ngenxa yobunzima bomshado wakhe. “Umyeni wami akalondekile futhi angicabangi ukuthi angakwazi ukusingatha ukuphumelela kwami emsebenzini. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukungazethembi kwakhe kuzowubhidliza umshado wethu,” etshela udadewabo isifuba. Udadewabo waphendula, “Umshado wakho ungaba ukubhidlika kuphela uma uwuvumela.” Ingabe wake wacabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe ungase udlise ukungazethembi kwakhe ngandlela-thile, ngisho noma ungazi?
Uma ufuna umshado wakho usebenze, udinga ukumbonisa ukuthi naphezu kwayo yonke impumelelo yakho, uyindoda ofuna ukuhlanganyela naye ukuphila kwakho. Futhi udadewabo kaMonica wayengeke alunge kakhulu. Ukuntula ukuzethemba kungenye yezici ezinkulu zomyeni ongavikelekile ngakho ungamsiza nakanjani uma edinga ukuthuthukiswa kokuziphatha. Sonke singakwenza ngakho, akunjalo?
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5. UNGAZONDLISI ukungavikeleki kwakhe
Nansi into. Nakuba ungase uhambe ibanga elide uqinisekisa umyeni ongavikelekile, udinga futhi ukudweba umugqa. “Ngingakwazi ukusiza umyeni wami ongalondekile uma ngimsekela ngaphandle kwemibandela,” umcabango abesifazane abaningi abanawo. Nokho, ukusekela nothando akusho ukuthi ubekezelele noma yikuphi ukucasuka.
Uma utholakala ekuceleni kwakhe ucingo, uma njalo udela izidingo zakho ukuze umkhonze, futhi uma uzithola ufihla imininingwane ngoba ungafuni ukumcasula, awumsizi. Uqinisa ukuziphatha kwakhe kuphela! Kungakho kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungayibekela kanjani imingcele indoda engavikelekile ukuze ungagcini usukhuthaza izindlela zakhe zokuziphatha eziyinkinga.
Lapho umyeni wakho ekwenza uzizwe ungalondekile ukuze nje uzizwe ungcono ngaye, ekwehlisa isithunzi nganoma iyiphi indlela, noma ekusola ngezinto ngokungacabangi, zisukumele futhi umtshele ngokungananazi ukuthi akulungile. Uma usukwenzile lokho, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi wenqabe ukuhlanganyela kunoma iyiphi ingxoxo ebonisa amaphethini akhe okuziphatha okungavikelekile.
6. Makabeke icala futhi
Isihluthulelo sokubhekana nokuziphatha komyeni ongavikelekile ukukhomba nokuvala ekuqaleni ngaphambi kokuba izinto zingahambi kahle. Uma ungazange umkhohlise noma uqambe amanga kuye noma umdukise nganoma iyiphi indlela, ungazizwa unecala. Ngakho-ke, uma engathandi ukuthi uhlale ebusuku kakhulu noma usondelene kakhulu nozakwenu besilisa, mazise kusenesikhathi ukuthi uyakwazi ukuzisingatha wena nesimo esithile.
Menze abone izindlela zakhe zokwahlulela ukuze naye azilungise. Uma eveza ukungazethembi kwakhe kuwe, ungakunaki noma ukufake ngaphakathi. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungaxolisi ngokwenza into owaziyo ukuthi ilungile. Ngisho noma kusho ukubhekana nentukuthelo yomngane wakho womshado ongavikelekile. Ukwazi ukubeka imingcele nomyeni ongavikelekile kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nalesi simo ozithola ukuso. Asikwazi ukukugcizelela ngokwanele.
7. Yiba nguwe uqobo
Abantu besifazane abaningi bazama ukufiphaza ukukhanya kwabo ukuze bakhanyisele abalingani babo, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, nabo bagcina bedabukisa. Ngakho-ke uma ubulithanda iholidi nomngane wakho womshado kodwa umyeni wakho ongavikelekile wakubheka, ungayeki ukuhamba. Noma uma uthanda ukuzibona ugqoke ingubo ethile, ungayifihli ngemuva kwekhabethe lakho ngoba nje umngane wakho womshado ongavikelekile akakuthandi.
Yebo, yonke imishado idinga ukuzidela nokulungisa okuthile kodwa uma kuziwa ekuzihlonipheni kwakho, akufanele kube nokuyekethisa. Ungakwenzi kube yisenzo sokuhlubuka kodwa wenze lokho obukuthanda ukukwenza. Kwesinye isikhathi, lapho uqhubeka nokuba ngumuntu wakho wangempela, uzophoqeleka ukuthi ahoxe.
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8. Xoxisana kakhulu nomyeni wakho ongavikelekile
Esinye sezici ezinkulu zomyeni ongalondekile ukuthi uyashesha ukusheshe afinyelele esiphethweni noma acabangele. Ngokwesibonelo, uma ekubonile unowesilisa, esikhundleni sokukukhulula ngokuqondile, angase avumele umcabango wakhe uphazamiseke futhi acabange ukuthi uyamkhohlisa. Kuyacaca ukuthi unezinkinga zokwethenjwa futhi uveza ukwesaba kwakhe okuyisisekelo kuwe.
Ngakho-ke kungcono ukugcina isiteshi sokuxhumana esiqondile naye kusukela ekuqaleni. Ungamfihleli lutho; beka phambili ngezenzo zakho. Ukuthi ukuthatha kanjani kuya kuye. Ukunqoba izinkinga zokuxhumana kuba okubaluleke nakakhulu ebudlelwaneni obunjalo ukuze kugwenywe ingozi yokuba umyeni ongalondekile achithe umshado.
9. Ungayenzi into elula
Ngisho noma uqiniseka ukuthi ukungazethembi komyeni wakho kubangelwa izinto ezincane, ungazami ukwenza kube lula. Ngendlela okungafanele uvumele zonke izimo zokuziphatha okungavikelekile ziphenduke ingxabano, udinga ukwenza umzamo obonakalayo wokungancokoli ngezinto ezimkhathazayo nokwesaba kwakhe.
“Ungase ucabange ukuthi ukwenza ihlaya ngokuba nempahla kungase kunciphise ukungathi sína kwendaba, kodwa kuye, kungase kubonakale kuwukungasebenzi kwemizwa yakhe futhi kungandisa nakakhulu izimpawu zomyeni ongalondekile,” kusho uJuhi. Uma uphatha ukuziphatha kwakhe okungaphephile ngaso sonke isikhathi noma ukuchitha sengathi akuyona indaba, kungase kubangele ukucasuka kungene emshadweni wakho.
Yebo, uma ukungazethembi kwakhe kujula, ukwenza ukukhanya kwendaba kungu-cha omkhulu. Qiniseka ukuthi akukho lapho umenza azizwe sengathi uyamhleka. Ukuthola indlela yokubhekana nozakwethu ongavikelekile kungaba inselele kakhulu uma ezizwa edelelwa nguwe.
10. Yeka ukuqhathanisa
Umyeni ongalondekile angase athambekele ekuziqhathaniseni nabanye - ngokomuntu siqu nangokomsebenzi. Lokhu kungase kukushiye ukhungathekile, “Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile futhi enomona? Uma ufuna ngempela ukumsiza, mmise khona lapho eqala ukuqhathanisa okungadingekile noma okungafanele. Menze azi uma eya kuleyo ndlela.
Lapho usebenzisana nomlingani ongavikelekile, yenza umzamo wokumenza azithande kancane. Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba ukungazithandi kungenye yezimbangela zokungazethembi. Ukwengeza, qaphela ukuthi ungagcini ngokumqhathanisa nontanga noma abangane bakhe ungaqondile futhi uveze ukuthi bangcono kunaye.
11. Lalela izinkinga zakhe
Kanye nokudlulisa izidingo zakho, kudingeka futhi ube isilaleli esinozwela. Uma ekwazi ukungazethembi kwakhe futhi ekwabelana nawe ngokukhululekile, mazise ukuthi uyamqonda. Ungamenzi azizwe kabi kakhulu ngokugqamisa imizwelo yakhe engemihle. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, gwema ukuthi ukuzibona kwakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe kukuthinta kanjani wena nobuhlobo ngenkathi umqinisekisa ngozwelo lwakho.
Okuthile okuhambisana nokuthi, "Ungase ungazizwa kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi uyamangalisa futhi unami eceleni kwakho" kungaba nomthelela omuhle. Ngakho, esikhundleni sokuvumela imicabango enjengokuthi “kungani umyeni wami engalondekile futhi enomona” noma “umyeni wami akalondekile futhi kulimaza umshado wethu,” zama ukusingatha lesi simo ngozwela nangozwela. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, qonda ukuthi awuqeqeshiwe noma awuhlonyiselwe ukusiza othile ukubhekana nokungazethembi kwakhe, ngakho ungawuthathi lowo mthwalo wemfanelo.
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12. Feza izidingo zobudlelwano bakho
“Kungani umyeni wami engalondekile kangaka?” Uma uzithola ubuza lo mbuzo kaningi, lalela. Ukungazethembi komuntu kungakhula ngokuphindaphindiwe lapho izidingo zakhe zingahlangatshezwa. Uma ujula ebudlelwaneni, thola ukuthi niyafeza yini izidingo zomunye nomunye. Ingabe uletha etafuleni lokho umyeni wakho akulindele ukuba ukwenze? Ingabe izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo ziyahlangatshezwa ngomyeni wakho?
Uma kunegebe elikhulu kulokho, yilapho kuqubuka khona izindaba ezincane ezidala ukungazethembi. Emshadweni wakho, makugxilwe ezinhlosweni eziphelele zobudlelwane nempilo yenu ndawonye. Uma usuqala ukubeka umshado wakho kuqala, ukuthola ukusebenzelana nomlingani ongavikelekile kuba lula kakhulu.
13. Mnikeze isikhathi sokuzibuyisela emuva
Abantu abangaphephile babhekana nokuningi ngaphakathi. Ngokuvamile bagcwele ukukhathazeka nokungabaza. Yebo, ungamsiza njalo ngokuba nezingxoxo ezivulekile futhi ukwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kodwa kunezikhathi lapho udinga ukumshiya yedwa futhi.
Njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, musa ukwenza izindaba zakhe zibe ezakho. Makabhekane nalabo; mnike isikhathi sokwenza lokho esikhundleni sokuthi akhulume naye. Kwesinye isikhathi, isikhala esincane singamsiza ukuthi acabange kabusha ngokuziphatha kwakhe ngakuwe. Akabuye.
14. Myeke
Lokhu kufanele kube yisinyathelo sokugcina. Ukuhlala nomyeni ongavikelekile kungaba yingozi kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uma izindlela zokuziphatha eziyinkinga zingalungiswa. Yebo, kufanele uyinike isibhamu sakho esihle kakhulu futhi uzame ukuyilungisa kodwa amanye amadoda awalutholi usizo.
Kungaba kubi ngempela lapho umyeni ongalondekile eqala ukusola umkayo, engamethembi futhi emsola ngakho konke okungahambi kahle. Awukwazi ukuchitha impilo yakho ujabulisa i-ego yakhe njengoba kuzothinta nokubaluleka kwakho. Ngakho-ke naphezu kwayo yonke imizamo yakho, uma kungekho ntuthuko, kufanele ucabangele kabusha umshado wonke.
Njengo-Anna, nawe ungase uthole ukuthi ukuhlala ngokwehlukana kunempilo kunokuvaleleka emshadweni ongajabulisi. Uma kufika kulokho, ungangabazi ukudonsa ipulaki kodwa qiniseka ukuthi usuqede zonke izinketho zakho ngaphambi kokuthi wehlele kuleyo ndlela.
Wonke umshado unezinkinga zawo kodwa ukungazethembi kungawuqeda nya. Ungenza konke okusemandleni akho ukufaka ubudlelwano bakho ngokuhleka, imfudumalo kanye nokwethembana kodwa ukwakha ubuhlobo obuqinile, kuzothatha ababili kini.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ukungavikeleki kuletha nezinye izindaba eziningana - umona, ukuntula ukwethembana, ukungabaza nokungabaza ngabanye. Ukuntuleka kwesisekelo esilondekile nesiqinile kungaba inhlekelele emshadweni.
Lapho indoda ibuza konke umlingani wayo, imdikibalisa ekuzuzeni okwengeziwe, ayimshiyi yedwa, ihlushwa ukuzethemba nezintende ezithinta umkakhe noma intombi, umuntu angasho ukuthi unenkinga yokungazethembi.
Ukungavikeleki emshadweni kunganqotshwa ngokuqaphela nokusebenzisa umsuka wezinkinga, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe, ukuthuthukisa ukuqonda okungcono nokuqinisekiswa nokuqinisekisa ukuxhumana okungcono phakathi kwabalingani.
Umona ngempela uwuphawu lokungazethembi. Uma usothandweni, ukubamba okuncane kumuntu wakho kungokwemvelo kodwa akumele kuholele esikhweleni esingasile ngoba lokho kungalimaza.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
