Izibonelo Eziyi-15 Zokukhohlisa Ebudlelwaneni

Khumbula imuvi Girl Gone lapho u-Amy ekhohlisa bonke abalingiswa abamzungezile ngisho nezilaleli ezibuka ifilimu? Lelo khono lakhe lokukhohlisa ngobuhlakani, ukulawula nokweqisa abantu ngokomzwelo ekwenzeni izinto abebengeke bazenze ngokujwayelekile? Yebo, leso ngesinye sezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni nokuthi umuntu angahlukumeza kanjani omunye umuntu ngokomzwelo.

Njengo-Amy, umkhohlisi ongokomzwelo ususa isenzo sokuba umuntu obuthakathaka futhi ongenamandla. Kodwa bangase bangakuzwa lokho ngaphakathi. Lokhu ukuzenza kokungakwazi ukuzisiza kumane kuyithuluzi elizisiza ukuba zilawule futhi zilawule. Abantu abakhohlisayo abazenza abalungile nabaswele empeleni banekhono kakhulu kunalokho ocabanga ngakho.

Kodwa, kungani umuntu ewela umculi onjengalowo odlala ngemizwa? Ngoba indlela abalunge ngayo ocingweni lokukhohlisa - awuboni nokuthi ukhohliswa noma uwela ngenxa yamaqhinga abo. Manje-ke, ubona kanjani uma kwenzeka? Futhi yini okufanele uyenze ezimweni ezinjalo? 

Ake sithole izimpendulo zale mibuzo, ngosizo lomeluleki Manjari Saboo (Ama-Masters ku-Applied Psychology kanye ne-Post-Graduate Diploma in Family Therapy and Child Care Counselling), ongumsunguli we-Maitree Counselling, isinyathelo esinikezelwe enhlalakahleni engokomzwelo yemindeni nezingane. Ngesiqondiso sakhe, ake siqhubeke nohambo lokuqonda ukuthi singahlonza kanjani futhi sibhekane kanjani nabantu abakhohlisa abanye.

Kuyini Ukukhohlisa Ebudlelwaneni?

Ngokuvumelana ne Manjari Saboo, “Ukukhohlisa imizwelo kuyisu elisetshenziswa umuntu ukuze athole uzwela, ukulawula, ukunakwa, ukunakekelwa, ukukhathazeka, nokuphakama. Lapho umuntu ewazi amandla omlingani wakhe (njengolwazi, isikhundla, ukuqonda) futhi eqaphela ukuthi abanye abantu bangase bakhangwe yilezi zimfanelo, basebenzisa ukukhohlisa kwemizwelo ukuze bathole ukulawula.”

Umkhohlisi wemizwa udlala ngepsychology yakho futhi ufuna ukwethembeka okujulile nezimfihlo kuwe. Umuntu okhohlisayo ebudlelwaneni uzokwehlukanisa ukuze uncike kuye ngokuphelele. Uma kunesiphithiphithi nokushuba okukhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi umlingani wakho uhlale ekhuluma ngokuphelele noma ngokweqisa, kungenzeka ukuthi uphathwa yibo ngokomzwelo. Amaqhinga okukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni angasukela ukwenqaba ukuyekethisa ukwenza izimo ngendlela yokuthi uhlangothi olulodwa kuphela olujabulela izinzuzo. 

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15 Izibonelo Ezivamile Zokukhohlisa Ebudlelwaneni

Uma ufuna ukuqonda kangcono ukuthi umuntu okhohlisayo usebenza kanjani nokuthi hlobo luni lwezindlela zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni angazisebenzisa, usufike endaweni efanele. Sizokunikeza isifinyezo sezibonelo eziyi-15 ezivame kakhulu zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni.

Ubudlelwano bokukhohlisa abulingani, lapho umlingani wakho ilindele ukunakwa okukhulu kuwe nezinto zihamba ngokushesha kangangokuthi awukwazi ukucubungula okwenzekayo. Ubona kanjani ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obunjalo noma cha? Nazi izibonelo ezingakusiza uthole umbono ocacile:

1. Imigomo nemibandela iyashintsha, kuye ngokuthi ubani onephutha

Umkhohlisi wemizwa uthola indlela yokuthethelela noma yini ayenzayo kodwa lapho isimo esifanayo sisebenza kuwe, imigomo nemibandela iyashintsha. Lolu hlobo lokuzenzisa luphakathi kwezibonelo zokuxhaphaza ngokwengqondo ebudlelwaneni kanye nesinye sezici zomuntu okhohlisayo.

Thatha lesi sibonelo njengesibonelo. Uma ziba namandla, kuthathwa njengokusemthethweni futhi ngokwemvelo. Kodwa, lapho unomuzwa womona, bayayichitha imizwa yakho ngamazwi anjengokuthi, “Babe, konke kusemqondweni wakho. Uzoqala ukuzizwa sengathi bayakukhanyisa.

2. Ugcina wenze lokho abakufunayo, ngaso sonke isikhathi

Futhi siqonde, ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngaso sonke isikhathi. Uma ubuhlobo bakho bunjalo kangangokuthi izidingo zakho zihlala ziphushwa eceleni, uphathwa ngokomzwelo futhi akungabazeki ngakho. Uma kukhona ukuntula ukuqondana, mhlawumbe, kukhona ukungalingani kwamandla ebuhlotsheni bakho. Amandla anempilo kubudlelwano zibaluleke kakhulu, futhi lesi sici sishoda ngokusobala lapho ingxenye eyodwa yezibalo zothando ikhohlisayo.

Ufuna ukuphuma uye ephathini kodwa uhlale uqiniseka ukuthi ungahlala. Ugcina udla amaShayina ubusuku nemini nakuba uthanda ukudla kwamaNdiya. Uma kuhlale kunguwe ogcina ngokwenza isivumelwano, usuke usetshenziswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni benu.

3. Ukukhala kungaba phakathi kwezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni

Uma egcina ekhala noma kunini lapho emosha khona noma phakathi nengxabano, usebenzisa iqhinga lakudala lokukhohlisa abantu besifazane ebudlelwaneni. Noma uma ehlala ekhala futhi esho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ngizophila kanjani, uma ungishiya?”, kuwuphawu lokuthi uphathwa kabi ngokomzwelo ukuba uhlale isikhathi eside.

Nakuba ukukhala kungase kubonakale njengenkulumo yemvelo noma ukukhululwa kwe-cathartic, futhi kungenye yezindlela zokukhohlisa ebuhlotsheni. Futhi, ukutshala ukwesaba ukulahlwa engqondweni yomunye umuntu kuphakathi kwelinye lamaqhinga amaningi okukhohlisa ebuhlotsheni. Uma uvame ukuba nemicabango efana nokuthi, “Bazongishiya uma ngenza lokhu”, kusho ukuthi badlala ngengqondo yakho.

4. Ugcina usuxolisa noma kuyiphutha labo

Uma bengenawo amaphutha abo futhi behlala bekugwema ukuziphendulela, kusho ukuthi ubhekene nelinye lamaqhinga okukhohlisa ajwayeleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Uma benza amaphutha ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi uhlale uzizwa sengathi nguwe onamaphutha, yazi ukuthi badlala ngengqondo yakho. Ukushintsha icala iphakathi kwezibonelo ezigqame kakhulu zokukhohlisa.

Ungase uzithole usohambweni lwecala ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngisho naphezu kwezinto ozijabulelayo, njengokudansa noma ukuchitha isikhathi nabangane bakho. Lezi zibonelo zokukhohlisa empilweni yangempela ziyaphawuleka lapha. Bangase basho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ungaya kanjani kulowo mdanso, kuyilapho bekufanele uchithe isikhathi nami?” noma, “Akwanele yini? Kungani uchitha isikhathi esiningi nabangane bakho?”

5. Abantu abakhohlisayo abazenza abahle bagcine sebedlala isisulu

Izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni zifaka ukuzidabukela kanye nokuzenyanya okuhloswe ukuthi uthole uzwelo lwakho nokusebenzisa umusa wakho. Uma bevame ukuya ku-loop njengokuthi, "Kungani nginje? Kungani uze uphole nomuntu omubi njengami? Ngiyazizonda. Ufanelwe okungcono", kungenye yezibonelo eziyinhloko zokuxhaphaza ngokwengqondo ebuhlotsheni. 

Amaqhinga okukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni angabandakanya ukubukela phansi usizi lwakho nokwenza izinkinga zabo zibonakale zizinkulu futhi zibaluleke kakhulu. Uma benza konke mayelana nabo uma uzama ukuvuleka futhi ube sengozini nabo, kungesinye sezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Izinkinga zabo ziyizinkinga, kanti ezakho, hhayi kakhulu.

Kulolu hlobo lobudlelwano, izibonelo zokukhohlisa zingaba ziningi; esinye sezibonelo ezinjalo amazwi alulazayo anjengokuthi, “Hhayi, ngiyaxolisa ngokuthi awukhethwanga kulowo msebenzi. Kodwa, akuyona into enkulu kangako. Abantu abafana nami banezinkinga ezinkulu okufanele babhekane nazo, njengokuhlukana kwabazali bami. Manje, leyo inkinga yangempela.”

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6. Ukusebenzisa ubuthakathaka bakho nokungavikeleki ngamandla akho

Ukuthatha ithuba lokuba sengozini kwakho ngokomzwelo nokusebenzisa ukungazethembi kwakho ngokumelene nawe kuyizibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Uma uba sengozini ngothile, umethemba ngokwanele ukuthi ungakusebenzisi. Uma benza kanjalo, cishe akulona uthando. 

Isibonelo, uma uzwela ngempela ngokuthile okuhlasimulisayo okwenzeke ebuntwaneni bakho, futhi bancinza leyo nzwa eyodwa engalungile, ubhekene nelinye lamaqhinga okukhohlisa anzima kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. NgokukaManjari, umuntu angase angazethembi mayelana namandla omlingani wakhe futhi asebenzise ukuqondisa imizwelo esimweni esinjalo.

Uthi: “Ngokwesibonelo, uma indoda yazi ukuthi umkayo unamakhono amahle okukhulumisana, ingase izame ukumnqamula futhi idube izingxoxo lapho umbhangqwana uzungezwe abangane noma umkhaya, ukuze nje ibonise ukuthi ungcono kunaye.

7. Uma unomuntu okhohlisayo ebudlelwaneni, ugcina ulahlekelwe isimilo

Uma unomuzwa wokuthi izindinganiso obuzithanda kangaka ziye zehliswa kulobu buhlobo, futhi ugcina ungabaza ingqondo yakho njalo, uphathwa ngokomzwelo. Izitatimende ezinjengokuthi “Hey, ngiyazi ukuthi awufuni ukuya ocansini, kodwa uzokwazi kanjani ukuthi uyaluthanda noma awuluthandi uma ungakaze uzame?” noma, “Kungani ungavele udonse okukodwa kwalogwayi, mhlawumbe, uzowuthanda” ezinye izibonelo zezengqondo. ukukhwabanisa ebudlelwaneni.

8. Egameni lothando

UManjari uveza ukuthi ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo kungenzeka kuphela uma abantu ababili bexhumene ngokomzwelo. Uthi, “Abanye abantu bangase basebenzise wena kodwa yilabo obathandayo kuphela abangakuxhaphaza ngokomzwelo.Ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo kuvame kakhulu.Sikwenza kakhulu, singazi.Abantu ababili abathandanayo bazana kahle ngokwanele ukuba baqonde ubuthakathaka bomunye nomunye.Ngakho, bazi kahle ukuthi yini okufanele basho noma bayenze ukuze bathole indlela yabo.

“Inkosikazi yenzela umyeni wayo i-pizza, futhi imthengela amagugu/izimbali. Ingane ngokomzwelo ikholisa unina ukuba ayivumele iphume. Zonke lezi izindlela ezicashile, ezingenangozi zokuxhaphaza imizwelo. Kungokwemvelo njengoba imizwa ishintshana.”

Bese kuba khona ukukhohlisa okufihlwe njengothando. Uma intombi yakho noma unkosikazi wakho ethi, "Uyangithanda kahle? Fakazela lokho, yeka ukulandela le ntombazane", lokhu kuyisibonelo sakudala sokukhohlisa kwabesifazane ebudlelwaneni. Noma uma isoka lakho noma umyeni wakho ethi, “Ngiyazi ukuthi ngiba nesikhwele ngokwedlulele kaningi kodwa kungenxa yokuthi ngikuthanda kakhulu”, indoda izama ukukuxhaphaza ngokomzwelo. Zombili lezi ziyizibonelo eziyinhloko ukukhwabanisa kuguqulwe njengothando. Ingabe izenzo namazwi abo kuyahambisana? Lokho kungokwakho ukukubona.

9. Bakwenza uzizwe kabi ngawe

Izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni zingabandakanya ukugxeka njalo nokucasuka ukuze unciphise ukuzethemba kwakho. Ungase uqale ukufaka ngaphakathi umbhalo ongezansi ukuthi bangcono futhi bazi okwengeziwe, kodwa kuyindlela yabo yokuthola amandla phezu kwakho ukuze bazizwe bephakeme. “Lalela, asisifishane yini leso siketi? noma, “Damn, ubungabukeka ungcono ukube ubumude!” ezinye izibonelo zokukhohlisa imizwa.

10. Ubuqhwaga: Isibonelo sokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni

Ukumemeza nokusebenzisa amagama alulazayo noma ukuziphatha nakho kuyizibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Ukuqhuma kwabo nokuthambekela kokudala indawo yokukuphoxa kungamathuluzi okwenza uzizwe wesaba kangangokuthi uyeke ukuzikhulumela, ngenxa yokwesaba. Lokhu kuwukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo noma emphakathini. Iphinde ingenye ye ikhombisa ukuthi umlingani wakho unezinkinga zentukuthelo.

Olunye uhlobo lobuxhwanguxhwangu ukuhlukumeza ngokomqondo, lapho umuntu ekwenza uzizwe sengathi wazi kakhulu ngesifundo kunawe. Isibonelo, "Ingabe uyisimungulu noma yini? Kunzima kangakanani ngobuchopho bakho ukubamba lokhu?"

11. Bahlanekezela amazwi akho

Wake wazizwa sengathi noma yini oyishoyo ihunyushwa ngokungeyikho, ijike, ilahlekelwe incazelo yayo yasekuqaleni, futhi igcine isiphenduke enye into ngokuphelele? Hhayi-ke, lesi futhi ngesinye sezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Umlingani wakho angase futhi alulaze amaphutha noma ukuziphatha kwakhe ukuze azuze umusa wakho. Izibonelo zokukhohlisa imizwa? Uma besho okuthile ngendlela ethi, “Angiziphethe kahle. Kodwa uyangazi, akunjalo? Angenzi izinto ngaphandle kwesizathu.

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12. Ukuthinta okukhulu: Esinye sezibonelo ezivame kakhulu zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni

Khumbula indlela uNate (kusuka kuhlelo Euphoria) wayezomgezisa uMaddy ngamajazi abizayo kanye nezingubo zangaphansi ukuze alungisele isoka ayeyilo elihlukumeza ngokomzwelo nasemzimbeni? Lolo ngolunye lwezinhlobo zobudlelwano obukhohlisayo. Uhambo olubizayo, izidlo zakusihlwa, nemibukiso yasesidlangalaleni yokudumisa kukhona lapho njengezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni obunokuhlukumeza noma obunobuthi.

Lezi ngokuvamile ziyizimpawu zokunamathela okungenampilo, umuzwa wecala, kanye izici ze-narcissistic njengoba umkhohlisi wemizwa elindele ukuthi "ukuphana" kwabo kuqashelwe. Bafuna nje ukuthola ukwethemba kwakho konke ukuze bakwazi ukukulawula kamuva. Kufana nokuthi 'bakuthenga' kodwa ngendlela eyinkimbinkimbi. Ekhanda labo, kulungile ukukuphatha ngendlela enesihluku inqobo nje uma bekwenzela izinto ezibonakalayo.

13. Bakusebenzisela izidingo zabo

Izidingo zomzwelo ezingahlangatshezwana nazo ziwela ngaphansi kwezibonelo zokukhohliswa kwemizwelo. Balindele ukuthi ubonakale ngaso sonke isikhathi, kodwa uma ubadinga, abatholakali ngokomzwelo. UManjari uveza ukuthi kungase kube nokuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabangane futhi. Uthi, “Cabanga u-A no-B beyizintombi ezisondelene, futhi insizwa, u-C, ifika futhi isondelane no-A. Manje, uma u-B ezama ukusondelana nomfana, kuwukuxhaphaza imizwelo nokukhohlisa umngane wakhe.”

14. Izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni: Ukwakhiwa ngamatshe kanye nokuphathwa buthule

Uma kukhulunywa ngamasu okukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, 'ukukhanda ngamatshe', lapho omunye uzakwethu enqaba ukuxhumana nomunye futhi ngokuyisisekelo ahoxe engxoxweni, isici esivamile. Usebenzisa ukuthula ukuze akulawule futhi akwenze uzizwe unesibopho ngokuziphatha kwakho. 

I-Ghosting, inkumbulo ekhethiwe, namanga ngokungenzi ezinye izibonelo zokukhohlisa imizwa. Enye indlela yokukhohlisa iwukuhlukumeza - abavezi ngempela ukuthi bathukuthele kodwa ukunyakaza kwemizimba yabo kanye nezenzo zabo kudlulisa umsindo ngaphezu kwanoma yimaphi amagama. 

15. Ukudlala njalo kushisa futhi kubanda

Njengoba ingoma ka-Katy Perry isho, “Ushintsha umqondo wakho njengentombazane eshintsha izingubo…cuz uyashisa, bese uyagodola, unguyebo, bese awuwe…”. Esinye sezici ezisobala kakhulu zomuntu okhohlisayo ukuthi unokushintshashintsha kwemizwa okukhulu futhi awazi ukuthi yini ezayo.

Izinhlobo zobudlelwano bokukhohlisa zifaka phakathi lobo lapho ukuguquguquka kwemizwa yozakwethu kudlulele kangangokuthi ukuphakama kukhungathekisa imizwa futhi ukwehla kucindezele. Uma ubuhlobo bakho buhlala bushintsha phakathi kwenjabulo nobuhlungu, usesimweni esikhohlisayo ngokomzwelo.

Izimpawu eziyi-8 zokuthi Unozakwethu Okhohlisayo

Manje njengoba sesibheke izindlela ezimbalwa zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, kufanele siqhubeke futhi siqonde izimpawu zokuthi unomuntu okhohlisayo ebudlelwaneni. Into ngabantu abakhohlisayo ukuthi awuboni ngaso leso sikhathi ukuthi bangakukhohlisa kanjani.

Bayohlale benza sengathi bakuthanda ngokweqiniso. Njengoba behlale beswele futhi bemi bodwa ephathini yabo yokuhawukela, awukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa uzizwe kabi ngabo. Benza ukucindezelwa nokudabukisa kangangokuthi awusoze wacabanga ukuthi umuntu onje angaba necala lokudlala noma yimaphi amaqhinga. Futhi yilapho sonke siphutha khona. Kungakho udinga ukuqonda izimpawu zokuthi unomlingani okhohlisayo.

1. Bavame ukusho izinto ezivusa amadlingozi

Uma uthandana nomuntu onobuqili, uzoqaphela ukuthi akasho lutho olunengqondo noma oluhlaziyayo. Konke abakushoyo noma abakwenzayo kuqhutshwa imizwa nokunye okuningi. Lokhu kubangela ukuthi bavame ukusho izinto ezihlasimulisa umzimba okungenzeka ukuthi ezingafunwanga ngaleso sikhathi.

Kuzwakala kuyinqaba, kodwa ngenxa yesidingo ukubanakekela, ungase uyibhuqe bese uyidedela. Bayosebenzisa wonke amaphutha amancane abawenzayo ukuze baziqalekise noma badonsele ukunaka kubo. Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, bangase basongele nokuzibulala uma becasukile noma bengezwakali ngawe.

2. Umuntu okhohlisayo ebudlelwaneni uzozakhela izindaba

Abantu abakhohlisayo, abalangazelela ukunakwa kwakho, kwesinye isikhathi bangaba noma bafane nabaqambimanga be-pathological. Uzoqaphela ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukulandisa noma izindaba abakutshela zona ziyayeka ukwenza umqondo. Bangase bavele benze izimo ekhanda zabo ezisebenzela izintshisekelo zabo, futhi baphakele lezo kuwe.

Ngenxa yothando, ekuqaleni, ungase ukholwe yonke into abakutshela yona. Kodwa maduze nje, uzoqala ukuqaphela izintuba ezindabeni zabo. Bangase bathi babematasa bezipholele nomngane, kodwa empeleni, babesekhaya nje. Noma bangase bazidlale kakhulu phambi kwakho futhi bakutshele ukuthi bathola ihlombe elimile emsebenzini lapho kungakaze kwenzeke lutho olunjalo.

3. Bayokwenza ngokuswela kakhulu

Mhlawumbe into eqeda amandla ngokuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu okhohlisayo ukuthi uzokudinga ngaso sonke isikhathi. Noma nini lapho usemsebenzini noma ubambeke emhlanganweni, kufanele ulindele inqwaba yemibhalo evela kubo uzibuza ukuthi ukuphi noma kungani ungabathumeli imiyalezo.

Kuba kubi nakakhulu uma uzihlalele nabangane bakho. Bangase bakushayele ucingo/bathumele umbhalo ngokungaphezi becela ukuthi ushiye yonke into bese ubuya ekhaya. Izizathu zabo kungaba ukuthi bayakukhumbula noma badabukile futhi bayakudinga eduze kwakho.

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4. Abantu abakhohlisayo bayohlale bezama ukukufaka icala

Esinye sezici zomuntu okhohlisayo ukuthi unamandla icala abanye. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho nobabili nixabana noma ningavumelani ngokuthile, bazama ukunigxilisa yonke into nokuthi mhlawumbe nibaxhaphaza kanjani. Lokhu kungase kukwenze uhlale ungabaza nokuthi yini okungenzeka ukuthi wenza okungalungile ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Esinye sezibonelo zokukhohlisana ebudlelwaneni lapho nina nobabili nixabene ngokuthile, umlingani wenu okhohlisayo uyohlale ephuma esihlokweni enisiphethe futhi athole ezinye izinto anisole ngazo. Esikhundleni sokuvuma ukuthi wenze okuthile okungalungile, uzohlala edlulisela ingxoxo ezihlokweni ezikwenza uzizwe kabi kakhulu ngalokho kuze kube yilapho iphuzu langempela lengxoxo selilahlekile.

5. Ukungakhulumi yisikhali abasithandayo abangasisebenzisa

Abantu abakhohlisayo abazenza abahle empeleni kulula kakhulu ukubacasula. Bangase babonakale beqonda futhi benomusa kuwe lapho bengathanda ukuba khona, kodwa ngokushesha nje lapho ubawela noma into ethile ingahambi endleleni yabo, sonke isihogo siyaphuka. Futhi kaningi kunalokho, bazogcina bekunikeza ukwelashwa buthule ulinde ukuthi uhlale ufinyelela kubo futhi uxolise.

6. Ubudlelwano buqala ukuzizwa bukhathele

Hhayi nje ngoba ukuthola kudinile ukubhekana nemizwa yabo kodwa futhi ngenxa yokuthi babonakala bekucindezela ngezimfuno zabo ezingapheli kanye nezidingo zabo kuwe. Badinga ukuthi uhlale wenza, uphendule futhi ube ngendlela ethile. Futhi kufanele uhambisane nezimfuno zabo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kusukela ezintweni ezincane kakhulu kuye kwezinkulu - kuyindlela yabo noma umgwaqo omkhulu.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzojwayela ukuthobela izimfuno zabo, kangangokuthi ungase ungayicabangi enye indlela. Noma ngabe kukunquma ukuthi yini okufanele niyidle bafana noma niyokhetha lapho nizoya khona ukuze niyobonga, yonke into iqala ukuzizwa ijwayelekile futhi njengomsebenzi onzima ngoba awusakwazi ukuthola indlela yakho.

7. Ukuba nolaka

Esinye sezibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni ukuziphatha ku indlela yokwenza-nolaka ukuze uthole ukunakwa kwakho noma ukukucasula kungenasidingo. Labo abasebenzisa amaqhinga okukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, benza ngale ndlela kaningi. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho wenza okuthile okungalungile (ungase ungazi nokuthi akulungile), esikhundleni sokuthi uvuthiwe futhi uziveze kuwe, umlingani wakho uzophendukela ekuthukutheleni kwezingane.

Ungase ubabone benyathela endlini ukuze bakubonise ukuthi baphatheke kabi noma bakushiye ufunda ngesikhathi sokushintshisana ngombhalo. Mhlawumbe bashiya izitsha zingcolile noma bakhohlwe kalula ukugoqa izingubo zakho yize bezigoqile. Kungase kubonakale kuwubuwula ngaphandle kodwa lokhu kuziphatha kuyajula futhi kungalimaza kakhulu.

8. Ngeke bakuvumele ukuthi uzwakalise ukukhathazeka kwakho

Ikakhulukazi uma kufanele kwenziwe okuthile nabo. Abantu abakhohlisayo bathanda ukuhlala belawula ukulandisa. Ngakho uma kwenzeka ubagxeka noma uzwakalise umbono ophikisayo, bayokushalazela lokho okukukhathazayo. Ngosuku oluhle, bazokushaya indiva, kodwa ngosuku olujwayelekile, bazokuqeda ngokuphelele.

Yilapho ungaqala khona ukuzizwa umncane ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi kube sengathi umlingani wakho akakuzwa. Kuningi umzamo ongena ekugcineni ubudlelwano - ukulalela nokuqonda omunye umuntu yingxenye enkulu yalokho. Kodwa uma unomuntu okhohlisayo ebudlelwaneni, awusoze wavunyelwa ukuba uziveze ngendlela efanele.

Yini Okufanele Uyenze Uma Uxhashazwa Ngokomzwelo?

Ukwazi inkinga kuyingxenye yesixazululo. Lapho nje uqaphela futhi wazi izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, nakhu okudingeka ukwenze.

1. Zijwayeze uzwela, kodwa uzimisele ukuhamba

Yazi ukuthi akukho okubi ngawe. Bavele baveze umonakalo wabo kuwe. Ngakho yiba nozwela kubo. UManjari useluleka ukuthi sibheke abakhohlisi bemizwa ngozwelo ngoba iqiniso lokuthi bayakhala noma baqhume ngaso sonke isikhathi. impikiswano yobudlelwano kungase kubonise ukuthi babuthakathaka ngokomzwelo. Uthi uma kunjalo, kuhle ukukhuluma ngezindaba ezibucayi ngesikhathi esifanele nalapho zisesimweni esifanele. 

Uthi, "Umuntu onjalo udinga ukusekelwa, ukuqonda, kanye nenhlonipho ngemizwa yakhe. Umlingani wabo kufanele asebenze eduze namandla akhe futhi afunde ukulawula ubuthakathaka. Kuwuphawu olubomvu lapho ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo kubonakala njengokuzikhukhumeza, umhawu nokusebenzisa ngokunenzuzo imizwelo. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi imizwa yakho iyalinyazwa, lokho kudinga ukuhlolwa."

Kodwa uzwela akusho ukubekezelela ukuziphatha okunobuthi okulimaza impilo yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo. Zimisele ukuhamba uma lobu budlelwano bungakusizi ube inguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu. Ngithembe, uzozibonga kamuva. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokuphuma Ebudlelwaneni Obungenampilo

2. Zithembe wena nalabo abaseduze kwakho

Ingabe likhona izwi elincane engqondweni yakho elilokhu likutshela ukuthi kukhona okungalungile? Ingabe lokho kugcina kugcizelela ukuthi ufanelwe okungcono? Zenzele umusa futhi ukwethembe. Umzwelo wakho awusoze wakudukisa. Futhi, funa iseluleko kubangani bakho beqiniso nomndeni ukuze ubone izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Bayakwazi futhi bayazi ukuthi ufanelwe ukuphathwa kahle kangakanani. Bavumele bakuqondise. 

"Bheka izimpawu zobudlelwano obunempilo: ukusondelana, ukuzibophezela, ukungaguquguquki, ukulinganisela, inqubekela phambili, izindinganiso ezabiwe, uthando, ukunakekelwa, ukwethembana, nenhlonipho. Lalela noma yiziphi izinsimbi ezikhalayo ezikhalayo ekhanda lakho futhi ulalele abangani namalungu omndeni aziwa ukuthi anesithakazelo esingcono kakhulu enhliziyweni yakho. Ungakuzibi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungathanda kangakanani," kubhala u-Adelyn Birch 30 Amaqhinga Afihlekile Okukhohlisa Imizwa: Indlela Abakhohlisi Bathatha Ngayo Ukulawula Ebudlelwaneni Bomuntu Siqu.

3. Beka imingcele yakho

Uma ungumuntu okhohliseka kalula futhi abantu bavame ukusizakala ngobuwula bakho, qala ukuma empilweni futhi ufunde beka imingcele engokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. Abantu bangasizakala kuphela uma ubavumela. Qala ukuqina ngalokho okufunayo. Kungaba lula njengoku-oda isidlo osithandayo endaweni yokudlela. Kungaba nzima njengokukhetha ukuthi yiliphi idolobha ozohlala kulo noma yimuphi umsebenzi okufanele uwuthathe. 

Yenza umlingani wakho azi ngalokho ongakwazi nokungakwazi ukukubekezelela. Bese-ke, namathela kulezo zinqumo kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Ngeke bakubuse uma bebona ukuqiniseka emehlweni akho nasezwini lakho. Isibonelo, uma ungathandi ukwenza okuthile, vele usho. Yilokho uthando oluyikho – ukukhuluma iqiniso, noma kunzima kangakanani.

4. Ungazami ukudlala umdlalo

Uma usuzazi izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, ungabeki ezingeni labo bese uqala ukudlala imidlalo yengqondo nabo. Yazi ukuthi lokhu kungaba iluphu engapheli futhi uzogcina ulahlekelwe inhliziyo yakho nomphefumulo wakho, uzama ukubadlula. Ungcono kunalokho. Yiba ngumuntu omkhulu, ungalahli ithemba. Uma wehla ngaleyo ndlela, ubudlelwano bakho buzoba nobuthi kakhulu kunalokho obuvele bukhona.

5. Funa ukwelashwa

Umlingani wakho akuyena yedwa odinga ukwelashwa. Wena, ukuze wenqabe ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo, udinga ukufunda izinto eziningi oye wazikholelwa, kusukela ebuntwaneni nasekukhuleni kwakho. Futhi umelaphi onelayisensi kuphela ongakusiza ukuthi ungafundi. Bangakhomba izibonelo zokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, bakusize ubone ukuthi zikhona yini kobakho nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu.

Ukwelashwa, empeleni, kungakusiza ukuba ube umuntu oqinile, oqinile futhi ozethembayo, onomqondo omuhle wokuzethemba nokuqiniseka. Bona, njengochwepheshe, bangabona amaphethini akho futhi baphule imikhuba yeminyaka yobudala. I abeluleki abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology, okuhlanganisa no-Manjari Saboo, angakusiza ohambweni lwakho lokuphulukisa.

Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo kungabulala ukuzethemba kwakho futhi kukwenze ubuze iqiniso lakho. Ungase ulahlekelwe ubuwena bangempela futhi ugcine ugcwele ukungavikeleki nezinkinga zokwethembana. Ukuzivikela kwakho ekugcineni kuba buthaka futhi uba sengcupheni yokwehliswa okwengeziwe. Kodwa, khumbula, kukhona njalo indlela yokuphuma kulokhu. Khumbula ukuthi izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi. Futhi ungawuzibi umuzwa wakho wemvelo. Ungakhohlwa ukuthi ufanelwe uthando nenhlonipho, njalo. 

Ingabe Ukwelashwa Okuthulile Ebudlelwaneni Nokuhlukunyezwa Ngokomzwelo Nangokwengqondo?

Izimbangela Nezimpawu Zobudlelwane Obuqeda Imizwa Kanye Nendlela Yokuzilungisa

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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