Ingabe Icala-Tripping Ebudlelwaneni Indlela Yokuhlukumeza?

Umuzwa wecala ungaba yisikhali esinamandla sokulawula omunye umuntu. Ngokudabukisayo, usetshenziswa kakhulu nangobuchule ngabantu abaningi ekuxhumaneni kwabo okuseduze kakhulu - nabalingani bothando, abangane, izingane nabazali. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuyinhloso noma cha, ukukhubeka ebudlelwaneni kuphazamisa ukuxhumana okunempilo kanye nokuxazulula izingxabano ebudlelwaneni futhi kuholela emizweni yokukhungatheka kanye nenzondo.

Kulesi sihloko, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDevaleena Ghosh (M.Res, eManchester University), umsunguli weKornash: The Lifestyle Management School, ogxile ekwelulekeni kwemibhangqwana kanye nokwelashwa komndeni, uveza izingqimba zokukhubeka ebudlelwaneni, echaza ukuthi kungani kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, yiziphi izimpawu eziyisixwayiso okufanele uziqaphele nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokukhubeka ngokomzwelo ngumlingani.

Kuyini Icala-Tripping Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukuzilahla ngecala ebudlelwaneni kuyindlela eklanywe ngokucophelela yokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kanye nokuphathwa kabi kwengqondo esetshenziselwa ukwenza umuntu enze lokho okufunayo. Ezimweni eziningi, ukuzwisa umuntu omthandayo icala kuyindlela ehlakaniphile nekhohlisayo yokusebenzisa ukulawula futhi lowo ophethe lesi sikhali uyazi imiphumela yezenzo zakhe.

Ngisho noma ukwephulwa kwecala kungaziwa noma kungahlosiwe, kusasebenza njengendlela yokuphoqa umuntu ekugcineni ukuthi enze (noma angenzi) okuthile ngokumelene nezifiso zakhe. Ngakho-ke, kusho ukuthini uma umuntu onecala ekukhuba? Kusho ukuthi uyaxhashazwa ukuze wenze ngendlela omunye umuntu afuna wenze ngayo.

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Ingabe uhambo lwecala luwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza?

Ngamazwi abo, umuntu: 

• Kukwenza uzizwe kabi ngezinqumo zakho
• Kubangela umuzwa wecala ngezenzo zakho 
• Futhi kukuphoqa ukuthi ushintshe indlela, uvumelanise amazwi akho, imicabango kanye nezenzo zakho nalokho abakufunayo kuwe 

Ngaleyo ncazelo yokuzizwa unecala, ake siphendule lo mbuzo, “Ingabe ukuzibona unecala kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza?” Njengoba ukuzibona unecala ebudlelwaneni kunezici zonke zokulawulwa ngokomzwelo , ngokungangabazeki kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza. Okukhathaza kakhulu ukuthi kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza evamile, futhi evame ukungaqashelwa.

Manje, usuyaqonda ukuthi kwenziwa ngenhloso yokuthola okuthile komunye umuntu. Kungani abantu besebenzisa le ndlela yobuqili ebudlelwaneni babo obuseduze kakhulu? Ngoba nje ibenza bakwazi ukuthola umphumela omkhulu ngomzamo omncane. 

Kungani ukuzisola ngecala kusebenza?

Ukuze uqonde umthelela walolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ukukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni kubonakala kuphumelela kangaka. Thina, abantu, ngokwemvelo siyizidalwa zomphakathi. Siyaphumelela ekuqinisweni okuhle kokuziphatha kwethu okuvela kubantu esisondelene kakhulu nathi.

Kodwa-ke, kusebenza njengokuqinisa okungekuhle lapho othandekayo engavumelani nokuziphatha kwethu futhi eveza lokho kungavumelani ngokuthi: 

• Words
• Ukuthinta
• Noma ngisho nolimi lomzimba,, 

Lokhu kusenza sifune ukuqhela noma ukuhlukanisa nokuziphatha okubangele lokhu. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuzisola kuyisijeziso esingokomzwelo sesenzo, esenziwa ngenhloso yokukwenza ushintshe okuthile: 

• Ukuziphatha
• Ucabanga
• Action 
• Noma inkulumo

Umuzwa wecala esiwuzwayo lapho sizwa ukungamukeleki noma ukudumala okubonakalayo kuvela ekwesabeni ukwenqatshwa othandweni . Umuntu obangela umuzwa wecala kulesi sibalo uzama ukukuxosha, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuyisiwula kangakanani, ukuze aqinise uhlobo lokuziphatha abafuna ukukubona.

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Izimpawu Zokuhamba Ngecala Ebudlelwaneni

Ingabe uhlala uzizwa sengathi awufaneleki ? Ukuthi ngandlela thile uhlala wehluleka ukufeza okulindelwe umlingani wakho? Ingabe uzithola uzisola njalo ngokungakwenzi okwanele? Ingabe ukufeza okulindelwe umlingani wakho noma umndeni wakho kuholele ekuzizweni ukhathele njalo?

Konke lokhu kuyizimpawu zokukhubeka ngecala. Lokhu kuthambekela kokuzisola nokuzizwa sengathi uhlala uhluleka kubangelwa umuzwa wecala obangelwa abathandekayo bakho – kungaba ngumuntu othandana naye, abazali bakho noma izingane zakho.

Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ubhekene nani, ake sibheke ezinye zezimpawu zokukhubeka ngecala:

1. Ukunikeza okungaphezu kwalokho okutholayo 

Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo , umzamo nokunakekela kuhamba ngazo zombili izindlela. Kodwa-ke, uma uzithola uthwala umthwalo wemizwa nowezinto ezingokoqobo njalo, lokho kubonisa ukungalingani. Ungase ube nguwe:

• Ukuqala izingxoxo
• Ukuxazulula izingxabano
• Kuhlela
• Noma ukusekela umlingani wakho ngenkathi ethola imbuyiselo encane

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuguquguquka kushintsha ubudlelwano busuke ekubambisaneni bube umthwalo wemfanelo ohlangothini olulodwa, lapho izidingo zakho ziba ngezesibili futhi imizamo yakho ibonakale ingabonakali.

2. Uzisakazela phansi 

Ungase uzibone uzama njalo ukuhlangabezana nokulindelwe umlingani wakho:

• Ukulungisa ukuziphatha kwakho
• Ukuzibophezela ngokweqile
• Noma ukudela izidingo zakho ukuze ugweme ukungqubuzana noma ukudumazeka 

Naphezu kwale mizamo, akukho okubonakala kwanele. Lokhu kudala umjikelezo lapho uqhubeka unikela kakhulu, unethemba lokwamukelwa noma ukuthula, kodwa ugcina uzizwa ukhathele ngokomzwelo futhi ungafaneleki. Ubuhlobo buqala ukuzizwa njengesibopho esingapheli kunokuba umthombo wokusekelwa.

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3. Ukuzizwa ungamukeleki

Noma yini oyenzayo ihlangabezana nokungavunyelwa ngomunye wakho obalulekile. Ukubonga nokwazisa akukho kuzibalo zakho. Ubanjwe kumjikelezo we-cyclic othi “uma kuphela” – uma nje ngenza lokhu kahle, kungabajabulisa. Ngaphandle kokuthi, mayelana ne-SO yakho, akukho lutho oke walwenza olufaneleka “njengokwenziwe kahle”

4. Ihlombe elibandayo 

Ukugodla ukuxhumana noma uthando njengendlela yokujezisa, okubizwa ngokuthi i-stonewalling , kuyindlela evamile yokukhubeka ngecala. Uma uveza izidingo zakho noma ungavumelani, umlingani wakho angase:

• Phuma
• Unganaki
• Noma ungatholakali ngokomzwelo

Lokhu kuthula kudala ukungakhululeki nokukhathazeka, okukushukumisela ukuba uzinikele ukuze nje ubuyisele isimo esijwayelekile. 

5. Ukuveza intukuthelo 

Ukuze uqaphele izimpawu zokukhubeka ebudlelwaneni bakho, gxila endleleni yokuxhumana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Abantu bavame ukusebenzisa ukuxhumana okuqotho njengezaba zokusho izinto ezibuhlungu kakhulu. Uma umlingani wakho eveza inzondo yakhe ngawe njalo futhi engahluziwe, uyakhubeka.

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Kubaluleke ngokufanayo, uma kungenjalo, ukuqonda ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho ujeziswa umlingani wakho ngenxa yokuthi uma uhlezi uzizwa unecala ngokuziphatha nezenzo zakho, uvame ukukufaka ngaphakathi. Lokhu kubangela ukuthambekela okuyingozi nakakhulu kokuzigxeka nokuba nomuzwa wecala.

Ngokwesibonelo, 

• uma abazali bakho bakwenza waba nomuzwa wecala usengumntwana, ungase ukufake enhliziyweni yakho kangangokuthi inkulumo embi nehlazisayo iba yinto evamile kuwe.
• Ngaphandle kwalokho, ungase uzithole usukhanga abalingani abenza okufanayo ngoba ulimi lwabo lujwayelene kakhulu nalokho okhulele kukho. Phela, akunakuphikwa ukuthi indlela okhuliswe ngayo ithinta ubudlelwano bakho nabantu abadala

Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ungakwazi ukugqashula kule phethini, ake sibheke ezinye izindlela zokubhekana necala ebudlelwaneni:

1. Ukuzibona ubalulekile kanye nokuzethemba

Inani lakho alichazwa ngokuthi ungamjabulisa kangakanani omunye umuntu. Ukuzizwa unecala kuvame ukusenza sifune ukuqinisekiswa ngaphandle, okwenza ukuvunyelwa kuzwakale njengomvuzo okumele uwuthole.

• Qala ngokuhlukanisa ngamabomu ukubaluleka kwakho emibonweni yabanye 
• Gxila ekuqinisekisweni kwangaphakathi, uqaphela imizamo yakho, amandla akho, kanye nemingcele yakho 
• Imikhuba efana nokubhala phansi, ukuzicabangela, kanye nokuzuza okuncane komuntu siqu kungakha kabusha ukuzethemba futhi kunciphise ukuthembela ngokomzwelo.

2. Uhlelo lokusekela olungenabo ubuthi 

Zizungeze nabantu abanempilo ngokomzwelo ukuze udale ukulinganisela okuqinile ekuphatheni kabi. Abangane noma amalungu omndeni asekelayo anikeza: 

• Perspective
• Ukuqinisekiswa
• Nokwamukelwa ngaphandle kwemibandela 

Ukuba khona kwabo kukusiza ukuthi uqaphele ukuthi inhlonipho yomunye nomunye ibukeka kanjani, okwenza kube lula ukubona amaphethini angenampilo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, le nethiwekhi igcizelela ukuthi awudingi ukuzikhandla ngokweqile ukuze uhlonishwe noma uthandwe.

3. Chaza izinto eziza kuqala kanye nemingcele yakho

Ukuqwashisa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala ekwelapheni. Ukubhekana nokukhubeka ebudlelwaneni: 

• Kufanele wazi ukuthi yiziphi izinto eziza kuqala kanye nemingcele yakho
• Uma ukuhlangabezana nokulindelwe ngomunye umuntu kudinga ukuthi wenze okungaphezu kwemingcele yakho, funda indlela yokusho 'cha' 
• Futhi hlala ulungile nganoma yikuphi ukusabela okuzayo 

Ngamanye amazwi, ungazizwa unecala ngokubeka phambili ukuzigcina.

4. Funa ukwelashwa 

Ukuphula amaphethini amadala, ikakhulukazi lawo okungenzeka ukuthi abekwa ezinsukwini zakho zobuntwana, akulula neze. Ukuba nendawo ephephile yokukhuluma imizwa nemicabango yakho, kanye nesiqondiso sesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esiqeqeshiwe, kungakusiza ukuthi uthole umbono oqinile ngeqiniso lobudlelwano bakho kanye noshintsho lomphumela. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esiqeqeshiwe siyakusiza:

• Qonda ukuthi kungani uphendula ngendlela owenza ngayo
• Thola amaqhinga okuphatha
• Futhi uthuthukise izindlela zokubhekana nezimo ezinempilo

5. Beka futhi uqinise imingcele

Ukubeka imingcele okuphumelelayo kungaba yindlela enomthelela yokubhekana nokukhubeka ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa-ke, kuyalulekwa ukwenza kanjalo ngaphansi kwesiqondiso sochwepheshe wezokwelapha noma umeluleki. Ukuzikhandla kungase kube nemiphumela emibi ngoba ungenawo amathuluzi adingekayo okuxhumana nokuqinisekisa imingcele yakho ngendlela efanele.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Njenganoma yiluphi olunye uhlobo lokuhlukumeza, ukwephulwa kwecala kungase kumlimaze kakhulu isisulu kanye nempilo yobuhlobo. Uma usuzibonile izimpawu eziyisixwayiso, yenza umzamo oqotho wokuzamazamisa isimo esikhona. Intuthuko ingase ingahlali iqondile kodwa ngomzamo ongashintshi kanye nosizo olufanele, ungakwazi ukugqashula kulolu hlobo lobuthi olucashile.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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