Ingabe Icala-Tripping Ebudlelwaneni Indlela Yokuhlukumeza?

Unezinhlelo zokuzipholela nabangani bakho ngempelasonto. Utshele umlingani wakho, aphendule ngokuthi, "Oh! Benginethemba lokuthi sizoyichitha impelasonto ndawonye. Bengizizwa sengathi awusangiboni." Ngaleso sitatimende, bakushiye ugcwele umuzwa wecala ngokufuna ukuzijabulisa nabangane bakho. Manje, ungakhansela izinhlelo zakho zokuba ne-SO yakho noma uhambe kodwa uphatheke kabi ngakho. Futhi yilokho kanye kubukeka sengathi ukukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni.

Icala lingaba isikhali esinamandla sokulawula omunye. Ngokudabukisayo, isetshenziswa kakhulu futhi ngobuchule abantu abaningi ebudlelwaneni babo obusondelene kakhulu - nabalingani abathandana nabo, abangani, izingane nabazali. Kungakhathaleki ukuthi kuhloswe noma cha, ukwephulwa kwecala kuphazamisa ukuxhumana okunempilo nokuxazululwa kwezingxabano ebudlelwaneni futhi kuholela emizweni yokukhungatheka nokucasuka.

Kulesi sihloko, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), umsunguli we-Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, esebenza ngokukhethekile ekululekeni imibhangqwana kanye nokwelashwa komndeni, iveza izingqimba zokukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni, ichaza ukuthi kungani kuwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, yiziphi izimpawu eziyisixwayiso okufanele uzibheke nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokuqunjwa icala nguzakwethu.

Kuyini Icala-Tripping Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukuba necala ebudlelwaneni kuklanywe ngokucophelela uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kanye nokukhohlisa okungokwengqondo okusetshenziselwa ukuthola umuntu ukuthi enze lokho okufunayo. Ezimweni eziningi, ukufaka icala kothandekayo kuyindlela emangalisayo yokubala nehlanganisayo yokulawula futhi lowo ophethe lesi sikhali uyazi ngemiphumela yezenzo zabo.

Ngisho noma ukwephulwa kwecala kungaziwa noma kungahlosiwe, kusasebenza njengendlela yokuphoqa umuntu ekugcineni ukuthi enze (noma angenzi) okuthile ngokumelene nezifiso zakhe. Ngakho-ke, kusho ukuthini uma umuntu onecala ekukhuba? Kusho ukuthi uyaxhashazwa ukuze wenze ngendlela omunye umuntu afuna wenze ngayo.

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Ingabe uhambo lwecala luwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza?

Ngamazwi abo, umuntu ukwenza uzizwe kabi ngezinqumo zakho, udala umuzwa wecala ngezenzo zakho futhi akuphoqe ukuba ushintshe indlela, uqondanise amazwi akho, imicabango nezenzo zakho nalokho akufunayo kuwe. Ngalowo mongo wencazelo ekhubekayo, ake siphendule umbuzo othi, “Ingabe ukuba necala kuwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza?”

Uma kubhekwa ukuthi ukukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni kunazo zonke izici zokuxhaphaza ngokwengqondo, ngokungangabazeki kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza. Okukhathaza kakhulu ukuthi wukuxhashazwa okudlangile, futhi okuvamise ukungaziwa.

Njengamanje, usuyaqonda ukuthi kwenziwa ngenhloso yokuthola okuthile komunye umuntu. Kungani abantu besebenzisa le ndlela yobuqili ebudlelwaneni babo obuseduze kakhulu? Ngoba nje ibenza bakwazi ukuthola okukhiphayo okuphezulu ngomzamo omncane. Enye indlela ethokozisayo yokuqunjelwa icala ebudlelwaneni ukuthi abesifazane - ikakhulukazi abesifazane basemadolobheni - yibo abayizisulu kaningi kunalokho.

Ukuze uqonde umthelela walolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ukukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni kubonakala kuphumelela kangaka. Thina, abantu, ngokwemvelo siyizidalwa zomphakathi. Siyaphumelela ekuqinisweni okuhle kokuziphatha kwethu okuvela kubantu esisondelene kakhulu nathi.

Nokho, lapho othandekayo engakwamukeli ukuziphatha kwethu futhi eveza lokho kulahlwa ngamazwi, ukushukuma komzimba, ukushukuma komzimba, kusebenza njengokuqiniswa okungekuhle, kusenze sifune ukuqhelelana noma ukuqhela ekuziphatheni okubangele lokho. Ngamanye amazwi, uhambo lwecala luyisijeziso esingokomzwelo sesenzo, esikhishwa ngenhloso yokukwenza uguqule indlela ethile yokuziphatha, umcabango, isenzo noma inkulumo.

Icala esiba nalo lapho sizwa ukungavunyelwa noma ukudumazeka okusobala kubangelwa ukwesaba ukwaliwa othandweni. Umgili wecala esilinganisweni uphikelela kulokho kwesaba ngokuphusha, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngobuqili kangakanani, ukuze aqinise uhlobo lokuziphatha afuna ukukubona.

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Izimpawu Zokuhamba Ngecala Ebudlelwaneni

Ingabe uhlale uzizwa sengathi awulungile ngokwanele? Ukuthi ngandlela-thile uhlale usilela ekuphileni okulindelwe umlingani wakho? Ingabe uzithola uhlezi uzigxeka ngokungakwenzi okwanele? Ingabe ukuphila ngokuvumelana nalokho okwakulindelwe ngomunye wakho obalulekile noma umndeni wakho kuholele ekubeni uhlale ukhathele?

Zonke lezi yizimpawu zokuthi uyathinteka. Esinye sezibonelo zohambo olubonisa icala kakhulu yizinkinga zecala kwabesifazane abasebenzayo. Lokhu kuthambekela kokuzigxeka nokuzizwa sengathi uyahluleka ngaso sonke isikhathi kubangelwa umuzwa wecala obangelwa abantu obathandayo - kungaba omunye wakho obalulekile, abazali bakho noma izingane.

Isibonelo, ngesikhathi sokuvalwa kwezindawo okwanqunywa ezinsukwini zokuqala zobhubhane lwe-COVID-19, kwaba nesigaba ezingxenyeni eziningi zomhlaba lapho imindeni yayivaleleke ezindlini zabo futhi abesifazane bezwa ubuhlungu obukhulu. umthwalo ekunakekeleni bawe ngokuqondile emahlombe abo. Abantu abadala babesebenzela ekhaya, izingane zazifunda amakilasi e-inthanethi, futhi lwalungekho usizo lwangaphandle olutholakalayo. Ukungalingani kokuhlukaniswa kwemithwalo yemfanelo yasekhaya ngalesi sikhathi akushiyanga nje kuphela abesifazane abaningi bezabalaza ukuze baxazulule imithwalo yemfanelo yomsebenzi nokuphatha ikhaya kodwa futhi bazizwa benecala ngalokho okuthiwa ukuhluleka kwabo.

Esinye isimo esijwayelekile lapho ubona ukwephulwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kugcwele izindima nezibopho zobuzali. Ake sithi amamaki engane aqala ukwehla futhi ayisasebenzi kahle esikoleni njengoba yayijwayele ukwenza. Isikhathi esiningi ubaba ugcina esola umama ngokungayibeki phambili ingane yakhe nokudlala ngekusasa layo. Lezi ezinye zezibonelo zakudala zohambo lwecala ezingabonakala kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.

Uma sekushiwo, ukwehliswa kwecala akuhlali kubonakala ngephethini ebikezelwayo. Umuntu onecala akudingeki ngaso sonke isikhathi athembele emazwini ahlabayo noma olimini olusolayo ukuze afeze injongo yakhe. Ukubukeka okungakuvumeli noma ngisho ukuthula kungasebenza njengamathuluzi asebenzayo okwehlisa icala ebudlelwaneni. Ukuze wenze isiqiniseko sokuthi uyazi ukuthi ubhekene nani, ake sibheke ezinye zezimpawu zokuthi ube necala:

• Ukunikeza okungaphezu kwalokho owamukelayo: Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umsebenzi ongokomzwelo noma imithwalo yemfanelo eyanelisayo, umsebenzi wengonyama wokugcina ubudlelwano uhlezi phezu kwamahlombe akho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Okwakho akuwona ubudlelwano obulinganayo; ugcina unikele kakhulu kunalokho okutholayo
• Uzacaza: Esinye sezibonakaliso zakudala zokuthi uzizwe unecala ukuthi uzelula kangakanani ukuze uhlangabezane nokulindelwe ngumlingani wakho. Uzidela ukuze ugcwalise lokho okubonakala kuwumgodi ongenasiphelo - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wenza okuningi kangakanani, uhlale ufika nje
• Ukuzizwa ungavunyelwa: Noma yini oyenzayo ihlangabezana nokungavunyelwa ngomunye wakho obalulekile. Ukubonga nokwazisa akukho kuzibalo zakho. Ubanjwe kumjikelezo we-cyclic othi “uma kuphela” – uma nje ngenza lokhu kahle, kungabajabulisa. Ngaphandle kokuthi, mayelana ne-SO yakho, akukho lutho oke walwenza olufaneleka “njengokwenziwe kahle”
• Ihlombe elibandayo: Umlingani wakho akakungabazi ukukunikeza ihlombe uma uzama ukubamba indawo yakho ezindabeni ezithile, futhi lokhu ukukhanda ngamatshe qhubeka uze ubambe umugqa wenze lokho abakufunayo
• Ukuzwakalisa ukucasuka: Ukuze ubone izimpawu zokwehla kwecala ebudlelwaneni bakho, gxila kuhlobo lokuxhumana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Abantu bavame ukusebenzisa ukukhulumisana okuqotho njengezaba zokusho izinto ezilimaza kakhulu. Uma umlingani wakho ezwakalisa ukukucasukela kaningi futhi engahlungiwe, ubekwa icala.

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Njengamanje, usunayo impendulo emibuzweni emibili ebalulekile: Kusho ukuthini uma othile ekuphatha kabi? Futhi ingabe uhambo lwecala luwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza? Ngethemba ukuthi lokho kukunikeze ukucaciseleka ngencazelo yokukhubeka icala nokuthi kusebenza kanjani njengokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni.

Kubaluleke ngokufanayo, uma kungenjalo, ukuqonda ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho ujeziswa umlingani wakho ngenxa yokuthi uma uhlezi uzizwa unecala ngokuziphatha nezenzo zakho, uvame ukukufaka ngaphakathi. Lokhu kubangela ukuthambekela okuyingozi nakakhulu kokuzigxeka nokuba nomuzwa wecala.

Ngokwesibonelo, uma abazali bakho bakukhubekisa useyingane, ungase ukubeke ngaphakathi enhliziyweni kangangokuthi inkulumo embi, ehlambalazayo iba yinto yesibili kuwe. Ngaphandle kwalokho ungagcina usuheha ozakwethu abenza okufanayo ngoba ulimi lwabo lujwayelene nalokhu okhule nakho. Phela akuphikwa lokho indlela okhuliswe ngayo ithinta ubudlelwano bakho nabantu abadala.

Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ungakwazi ukugqashula kule phethini, ake sibheke ezinye izindlela zokubhekana necala ebudlelwaneni:

• Ukuzethemba nokuzethemba: Zibonele ukubaluleka kwakho futhi ungakuhlanganisi nokuqinisekiswa komunye umuntu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungubani - umlingani, umzali, ingane, umngane. Ngaleso sikhathi, sebenzela ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho
• Isistimu yosekelo engenabuthi: Faka imali ekwakheni uhlelo lokusekela lwabangane abangenabo ubuthi abangakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi awudingi ukugoba ukuze ujabulise othile noma ucele imvume yakhe. Ngokukuthanda nokukwazisa lokho oyikho, laba bangani bangakusiza ubuyise umuzwa wakho wokuzethemba nokuzethemba.
• Chaza okubalulekile kwakho nemikhawulo: Ukuqwashisa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokwelapha. Ukuze ubhekane nokukhubeka kwecala ebudlelwaneni, kufanele wazi ukuthi yiziphi izinto eziza kuqala kuwe kanye nemikhawulo yakho. Uma ukuhlangabezana nokulindelwe omunye umuntu kudinga ukuba weqe imingcele yakho, funda ukuthi 'cha' futhi ulunge nganoma yikuphi ukusabela okuza kuwe. Ngamanye amazwi, ungazizwa unecala ngokubeka phambili ukuzigcina kwakho
• Funa ukwelashwa: Ukuphula amaphethini amadala, ikakhulukazi lawo okungenzeka ukuthi isisekelo sawo sabekwa ezinsukwini zakho zobuntwana, akulula neze. Ukuba nendawo ephephile yokuzwakalisa imizwa nemicabango yakho, kuhambisana nesiqondiso sikadokotela wezengqondo oqeqeshiwe, kungakusiza uthole umbono oqine ngokwengeziwe mayelana neqiniso lokuguquguquka kobudlelwane bakho kanye noshintsho lomphumela.
• Setha futhi uqinise imingcele: Ukusethwa komngcele okusebenzayo kungaba yindlela enomthelela yokubhekana nokukhubeka ebudlelwaneni. Nokho, kuhle ukwenze lokho ngaphansi kokuqondisa komelaphi noma umeluleki. Ukuzihambela wedwa kungase kukubuyisele emuva njengoba uzokwentula amathuluzi adingekayo ukuze ukhulume futhi ubeke imingcele yakho ngendlela efanele.

Njenganoma yiluphi olunye uhlobo lokuhlukumeza, ukwephulwa kwecala kungase kumlimaze kakhulu isisulu kanye nempilo yobuhlobo. Uma usuzibonile izimpawu eziyisixwayiso, yenza umzamo oqotho wokuzamazamisa isimo esikhona. Intuthuko ingase ingahlali iqondile kodwa ngomzamo ongashintshi kanye nosizo olufanele, ungakwazi ukugqashula kulolu hlobo lobuthi olucashile.

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