Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Owesifazane Akakhangwa Nguwe Futhi Okufanele Akwenze Ngokulandelayo

Ithathe kowesifazane. Akulula neze ukutshela umuntu ukuthi akakuthandi. Kungase kube okungavamile, ikakhulukazi uma ungumngane nabo. Ngakho-ke uma kukhulunywa ngezindaba zenhliziyo, akulimazi ukwazi izimpawu zokuthi umuntu wesifazane akathandeki kuwe. Phela kuncane ubumnandi othandweni olungenambuyiselo. Nokho, akekho okukweleta imizwa yabo. Noma ngabe senithandane isikhathi eside, imizwa ingafika idlule ngejubane layo.

Kungase kuzwakale kubuhlungu noma kudabukisa inhliziyo kodwa kufanele wamukele lapho othile engazizwa ngendlela ozizwa ngayo. Akulona iphutha lakho (noma lakhe) noma ukubonakaliswa kwakho njengomuntu. Ngakho-ke, uma ucindezela owesifazane futhi ungazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, kufanele ufunde ukuthi ungabona kanjani ukuthi akakuthandi. Khona-ke ungazama ukulungisa isimo ngaphambi kokuba sibe nzima kini nobabili.

15 Izimpawu Owesifazane Akakuthandi

Ake siqale sixoxe ngokuthi kwenzekani uma owesifazane eyeka ukukhangwa umlingani wakhe ngemuva kokuthandana isikhathi eside. Izifundo zikhombisa ukuthi u-33% wabesifazane abasebudlelwaneni baphelelwa yintshisekelo ocansini ngenxa “yezinkinga zobudlelwane, ikhwalithi yobudlelwano nokusebenza kocansi kophathina, impilo engeyinhle ngokomzimba, kanye nezimo ezingezinhle zemizwa/ukucindezeleka”. Lezi yizinto ezingenzeka uma a owesifazane uphelelwa isithakazelo kumyeni wakhe noma umlingani.

Abesifazane bangase bangezi uma bengakhangwa othile. Kwesinye isikhathi bangase bangaboni nokuthi ukudonseka kwabo ebudlelwaneni sekunciphile. Noma ivele ikuthathe njengomngane futhi isaba ukulahla amathemba akho othando. Noma mhlawumbe uthanda ukubukwa nomuntu obukeka efiselekayo. 

I-Fleabag esuka Fleabag wayezonda ukuya ephathini ngaphandle kosuku futhi ngakho wanamathela kunoma ubani amthola etholakala, ngisho noma wayengenakho ukuxhumana naye ngokomzwelo. Ukuze nje ugweme ukubukeka kwawo wonke umuntu. Uma ucabanga ukuthi owesifazane wakho kungenzeka ukuthi wenza into efanayo, mhlawumbe kufanele uhlole lezi zimpawu zokuthi owesifazane akakhangiwe kuwe:

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1. Uyazigwema izingcingo noma imiyalezo yakho

Uma ungenandaba nothile, uyagwema ukukhuluma naye ngaphandle uma kunesidingo. Ngakho-ke, qaphela uma ubona izimpawu ezilandelayo:

• Uzibamba izingcingo zakho kodwa uyashesha futhi uqondile
• Akukho ukubhayiza okungajwayelekile noma okulula
• Ubude bekholi yakho akuvamile ukuba budlule imizuzu emi-5
• Ungase futhi umqaphele esebenzisa imibhalo ukuze akhulume ngezinto esikhundleni sezingcingo
• Uzobona nezimpawu zokuthi akanantshisekelo kuzo ngemibhalo eshiywe ifundiwe, noma ephendulwa ngama-monosyllables

2. Awuyena ukukhetha kwakhe kokuqala

Lena eyalabo abathandanayo futhi abathola ukuthi owesifazane wabo akasakhangi kubo. Ucela umbono wakho noma inkampani yakho kuphela ngemva kokuba esebuze abanye abantu futhi akazange athole impendulo eyakhayo. Ukwazi ukuthi awuyena inketho yokuqala yomlingani wakho kungaba buhlungu. Kodwa-ke, uma engabonakali exolisa ngalokho, kusho ukuthi uthatha eyakho ubudlelwano kalula. Futhi, uma ekhohlisa imizwa yakho ngaye, khona-ke angase athathe iminyaka ukuze aqinisekise noma yiziphi izinhlelo nawe njengokungathi uqinisekisa ukuthi akaphuthelwa okuthile okujabulisa kakhudlwana. Abacwaningi lokhu bakubize ngokuthi 'umshwalense wozakwethu', lapho abesifazane bevame ukuhlakulela umngane womshado oyisipele lapho bengabutholi ubuhlobo babo obuhle. 

3. Akenzi mzamo omkhulu wokukwenza ujabule

Qaphela ukuthi yini futhi ubani ayibeka kuqala kunawe. Futhi, akakuphathi ngendlela ehlukile kwabanye abangani bakhe. Ubukeka engakhethi kuwena futhi unomusa kuwo wonke umuntu ngezinga elithile. Ezinye izimpawu zokuthi umuntu wesifazane akakuthandi zingaba endleleni asondela ngayo kuwe. Isibonelo, uyakuthanda ukubhaka kodwa akakaze athembise ukukubhakela noma yini.

4. Ugwema ukubheka emehlweni uma engakuthandi

Isibonakaliso esikhulu sokuthi umlingani wakho akakukhangi ukuthi akukho ukukhangwa ukuthintana kwamehlo. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo¹ qaphela ukuthintana kwamehlo isikhathi eside njengenkomba yendawo yonke yentshisekelo yomuntu. Ukuthintana kwamehlo kusiza ekudaleni isibopho njengoba umzimba ukhulula i-oxytocin ngesikhathi sokubuka kakhulu amehlo. Izifundo futhi kubonise ukuthi ukubheka ngamehlo kungumlawuli onamandla wokusebenzelana komphakathi (ngaphandle uma une-autistic). Ukugwema ukuthintana emehlweni kungase kube indlela yokukhipha umuntu kulokho kuhlangana.

5. Akakugqoki

Ben kusuka Angikaze Ngibe waqaphela ukuthi u-Devi eshintsha esuka ehembeni elimfushane egqoka ingubo enhle ka-Nirdesh, futhi waqaphela ukuthi wayemphathele okushisayo, hhayi uBen. Uma uqaphela ukuthi ugqoka ngokunganaki kakhulu lapho niphuma njengabangane, maningi amathuba okuthi akakuthandi futhi. Futhi uma usothandweni futhi egqoka ngale ndlela ngezinsuku, lokho sekuyizimpawu zokuthi akasakuthandi. 

6. Akafuni ukubonakala nina nishadile

Uzoqaphela ukuthi akafuni ukuba yedwa nawe kakhulu uma ecabanga ngawe njengomngane:

• Uzokhululeka kakhulu ngokuba seqenjini nawe 
• Uma othile amaphutha kuwena umbhangqwana, uzoba ngowokuqala ukuwalungisa 
• Uzomqaphela futhi ekhuluma ngokuthi uthanda bani kwezothando noma ehlola abanye abantu

Uma usothandweni noma nithandana, uyenqaba noma yiziphi izipesheli zokuphuma nani. Futhi uma uhlangana nabantu abaziyo, akakwazisi kubo njengomlingani wakhe.

7. Akakuqomi

Ucwaningo kuye kwafakazela ukuthi ukudlala ngothando akuwona nje umsebenzi wokuzalanisa kodwa futhi kusiza ukucabanga ngekusasa elihlanganyelwe. Ukwenqaba ukudlala ngothando kuwuphawu lokuthi akanalo ikusasa nawe. Ukudlala ngothando kungase kube okucashile, kodwa uma engaphenduli ngisho nezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu, noma aphendule kabi, kusho ukuthi akanandaba nawe. 

8. Ugwema noma yiziphi izenzo zothando

Akanandaba nokuthintwa okucashile futhi azame ukungazibandakanyi nanoma yini yothando. Uyenqaba ukubuka amamuvi ndawonye noma ukuphuma ngezinsuku. Uma uphuma, usebenzisa igama elithi 'ubudlelwane be-platonic' izikhathi eziningi. Uma uqomile, uyazama ukugwema ucansi. 

Uma ugcina usuya ocansini, akabonakali kangako futhi uzama ukusheshisa yonke into, kunokuba akujabulele. Qaphela ulimi lwakhe lomzimba, ukungavumeli kwakhe kufanele kukutshele ukuthi akasakuthandi. Yilapho-ke okuzodingeka udwebe khona umugqa futhi ungayiphusheli indaba.

9. Uma engakuthandi, uxhumana nawe ngenjongo ethile kuphela

Zama lokhu kuhlola. Qaphela noma yiziphi izimpawu angazithandi ngomlando wombhalo: 

• Akavamile ukuba nezingxoxo zombhalo, ngaphandle kwalapho kukhulunywa ngaye
• Ukuthumelela imiyalezo emincane kunaleyo omthumelela yona
• Imibhalo yakhe eminingi iqala ngokucela umusa

Lokhu kuhlolwa kungokwalabo besifazane abenza umgunyathi ukuthi banentshisekelo kuwe noma abaku-a ubudlelwano mbumbulu nawe. Uma exhumana nawe kuphela lapho ekudinga, kuwuphawu olucacile lokuthi kungenzeka akakuthandi. UCindy, owayeyi ex yomngane wami uDana, wayengamnaki izinsuku eziningi ecaphuna amakilasi okulingisa. Kodwa wayehlale efonela uDana noma nini lapho enqatshelwe kwinhlolokhono. UDana wagcina emshiyile ngemuva kokukhathala ukusetshenziselwa ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo.

10. Uphawu olukhulu kakhulu lokuthi akasakuthandi – Akakunaki nhlobo

Kuthatha izinsuku zakhe ukuqaphela ukuthi usunezinwele ezintsha. Kwesinye isikhathi, uyehluleka ukuqaphela ukuthi awubukeki kahle. Ngezinye izikhathi, uzizwa sengathi ungaya kuye ngeso elimnyama futhi angase anganaki. Noma okubi nakakhulu, uyaqaphela kodwa akanandaba. Sherlock Holmes e I-Adventure ye-Blue Carbuncle kwatholakala ngesigqoko esinothuli sokuthi osigqokile akasathandwa umkakhe. Wayeseyekile ukuyibona yaze yaba wuthuli. Lapho intombazane ingenandaba ngokwanele ukuba ingakunaki, akudingi umphenyi ukubheka izimpawu zokuthi owesifazane akakhangwa nguwe.

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11. Akaziqali izingxoxo

Uzokwazi ukuthi umlingani wakho akasakuthandi uma enqaba ukuqala ukuxhumana. Kamuva nje kubonakala sengathi akukho okufana phakathi kwenu. Ukudla kwakho kuthule. Awazi ukuthi uzokhuluma ngani. Izimpendulo zakhe ziyi-monosyllabic. Ayikho imibuzo mayelana nomsebenzi noma abangani. Kuningi okwenzekayo empilweni yakhe kodwa akakuvumeli ukuthi ungene.

Kanjalo-ke uma owesifazane osuke emqoma engakuthandi, awusoze umbone eza kuwena ngemibuzo eqotho, enezisusa ezinhle ngempilo yakho. 

12. Akabuzi umbono wakho

Uma usothandweni, qaphela ukuthi uvame ukubuza imicabango yakho ngokuthile. Ungase futhi umqaphele enza izinto eziphambene ncamashi nombono wakho, ikakhulukazi uma ubuhlobo benu sebubheda kakhulu. Okuphambene nakho kuyiqiniso. Ungazama ukubuza umbono wakhe futhi uzophendula ngokunganaki.

Uma ungathandani naye kodwa uthandana naye, bheka ukuthi imibono yakho iyawenza yini umehluko kuye. Ingabe uyawafaka enhliziyweni? Inani alinikezayo emazwini akho lilingana nenani akunika lona.

13. Izimpawu zokuthi akakuthandi ukwedlula umngane wakho – Uyakwenza umngane wakho 

Ngenkathi uJoey eqamba igama elithi 'Friendzone' ku Friends, akekho owayecabanga ukuthi kwakuyoba isenzakalo esikhulu kangaka. Ucwaningo iphakamisa ukuthi i-friendzone iyinkathi yokungaqiniseki okuningi ngobudlelwano njengoba kungekho okulindelekile okufanayo kwezothando. Uma ezwakalisa ngokucacile ukuthi ucabanga ngawe njengomngane futhi akafuni ukuhileleka kwezothando, khona-ke akukho okuningi ongakwenza ngakho. Nokho, a cwaningo ibonisa ukuthi u-66% wobudlelwane bothando buvela ebunganini, ngakho-ke kungenzeka phuma endaweni yobungani. Ngakho ungadangali. 

14. Amehlo akhe athe njo komunye umuntu 

Awunayo inhliziyo yakhe noma ukunaka kwakhe okuphelele. Umngane wami, uJosh, wahamba nowesifazane owafika ebukeka njengonkulunkulukazi ngosuku lwabo lokuqala futhi wadlala ngothando ngokuyenga naye. Wayecabanga ukuthi umphathele yona.

Kodwa wayengalubambi ucingo lwakhe futhi wayekhansela noma yiziphi izinhlelo abanazo kwezinye izindawo. Wayelokhu embizela endaweni yokucima ukoma futhi eqhubeka nokuqoma phambi kwawo wonke umuntu, kodwa ebukeka ekude ngasese. UJosh wayedidekile. Ngolunye usuku, ngaphambi nje kokuba afike, unozinti wamtshela ukuthi basanda kwehlukana. Lapho engena emamatheka ebuka uJosh kodwa amehlo akhe ebheke kumthengisi, ekugcineni uJosh wazibona izimpawu zokuthi “akanasithakazelo”. Akakwazanga ukuphuma lapho ngokushesha ngokwanele.

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15. Umzimba wakhe awusikiseli intshisekelo

Izazi zengqondo basikisela izindlela eziningana ukufunda izimpawu owesifazane akakhangwa kuwe. Qaphela lezi zimpawu ezilandelayo:

• Ingabe uvame ukukubuka emehlweni noma uwagweme?
• Ingabe ukuxhumana kwamehlo kude kunamasekhondi angu-3-4?
• Ingabe uyamamatheka futhi abheke eceleni (isu lakudala lokudlala ngothando)?
• Ingabe izinzwane zakhe zikhomba kuwe noma kude?
• Ingabe amahlombe akhe abukeka ekhululekile noma ecindezelekile?

Lezi zinkomba zingakutshela uma esephelelwe intshisekelo kuwe noma cha.

Ngikhumbula ngibona umbhangqwana omdala njalo ngoLwesihlanu endaweni yokudlela engangivame ukuya kuyo. Indoda yayihlale ikhuluma ngendlela ephilayo kuyilapho umkayo ebheka noma kuphi ngaphandle kwakhe. Wayehlala ebeke izandla zakhe eduze komzimba wakhe futhi umzimba wakhe wawuhlala uncike kumyeni wakhe. Ngelinye ilanga wafika eyedwa. Ngaya kuye ngabuza ukuthi uphi umkakhe. Waphakamisa amahlombe akhe wathi, “Ngimthanda kakhulu, pho kungani engasenandaba nami?” Ngangingazi ukuthi ngithini kuye. Ngifisa sengathi ngabe akazange azishaye indiva izimpawu zakhe zokuthi 'akafuni' kusenesikhathi.

Yini Okufanele Uyenze Uma Ubona Izimpawu Intombazane Engakuthandi?

Uma othile engabonisi uthando lwakho, lucishe lufane nokulahlwa. Kodwa uma wazi ukuthi umtshela kanjani ukuthi akakuthandi, usengazama ukukwenza kusebenze. Uma uyidlala kahle, kunezindlela zokuphuma ku-friendzone, noma ulungise ubudlelwano bakho. Nakhu ongakwenza:

1. Zama ukudala isikhala esifanele

Uma uzibonile izimpawu zokuthi akakuthandi ngaphezu komngane, khona-ke indlela enhle kungaba ukuhoxa. Ukuhlola okungadingekile kungase kukhungathekise. Akekho umuntu okukweleta okuthile ngokudonseka kwakho kubo. Yiba khona njengomngane kodwa ugweme ukuthathwa kalula. Gxila kuwena. Uma usothandweni, mnike indawo enothando nephephile ukuze ukhuthaze ukuxhumana ngokuzithandela. Zikhona izindlela xazulula izinkinga zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokuhlukana.

2. Khuluma naye

UMathis, oneminyaka engu-26 ubudala waseMemphis, ukhuluma ngomkakhe, “Ngabona ukuthi wayesekude futhi elokhu ecabanga, “Kungani engasangithandi?” Ngazama ukulungisa isimo ngezipho nangezinsuku, kodwa akuzange kusebenze, ngeseluleko sabangane bami, nganquma ukuqala ingxoxo, wayemanqikanqika ukwamukela ukuthi ubuhlobo bethu bunezinkinga, kodwa wavuma ukuthi wayenokungabaza ngomshado wethu. Ngokushesha banquma ukubona umeluleki wezobudlelwano futhi manje basebenzela ukuvuselela uthando emshadweni wabo.

Kungase kuzwakale kungathandeki noma kunzima kodwa ukukhuluma kungasiza ukuxazulula ukungezwani. Mtshele ukuthi ubulokhu ukubhekile futhi uzizwa kanjani ngaye. Khuluma ngalokho okudingwa ubudlelwano. Uma kunesidingo, funa ukwelashwa. E-Bonobology, sine- Iphaneli ebanzi yabeluleki bobudlelwano abanamakhono nabanolwazi ozonilalela futhi aninike isiqondiso enisidingayo.

3. Qhubekela phambili

Zama ukukwenza kusebenze. Kodwa ngesinye isikhathi ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi lesi simo singaphezu kokuhlengwa. Kuphakathi kokuthi intombazane oyithandayo ayikuthandi emuva noma isithandwa sakho akasafuni ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano. Nakuba kungase kube nzima, kungcono uqhubekele phambili esikhundleni sokuba khona kumuntu ongabuyiseli imizwa yakho.

Ubudlelwano besimanje buyinkimbinkimbi. Ngoba abantu bayinkimbinkimbi. Ungase ungahlali ndawonye nalowo omthandayo. Ukuzikhethela komuntu siqu, izintandokazi zocansi, ukuhlukumezeka kobudlelwane bangaphambilini, kuningi okungase kube khona. Futhi awukwazi ukumelana nomuntu ngokungakukhanga noma uphelelwe uthando nawe. Ungasabela kuphela kukho ngokuzola ngangokunokwenzeka. Futhi ngokungafani nekhehla lasesitolo sokudlela, indlela engcono kakhulu ukubhekana nayo esikhundleni sokushaya sengathi konke kuhamba kahle.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.