Izizathu Eziyi-15 Zangempela Zokuthi Umkakho Agweme Ukusondelana

“Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokobulili?” “Kungani umkami engalali nami?” Ingabe imicabango efana nalena ikwenza ungalali ebusuku? Nokho, akuwulungele umshado wakho noma impilo yakho engokomzwelo uma umkakho egwema ukusondelana. Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukuthi ukubonakaliswa kothando ebuhlotsheni kushintshe isimo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi lokho kuthanda okungalawuleki kuyancipha, umlingani oyedwa ongalufuni nhlobo ucansi kungaba nemiphumela emibi ekuxhumekeni kwabashadikazi.

Iningi lemibhangqwana eshadile alihlanganyeli emisebenzini yocansi nsuku zonke. Kodwa-ke, ngokusho kocwaningo , ukuhlangana ngokocansi phakathi kwabalingani kushiya ukukhanya okungemuva (isikhathi sokwaneliseka ngokocansi) okubagcina bexhumene ngokomzwelo kuze kube yisikhathi esilandelayo. Lapho ukuhlangana ngokocansi kuvame kakhulu, ukukhanya kuyaqina, futhi umshado uqina kakhulu.

Ngakho-ke, uma uphila nomuzwa wokuthi umkakho ugwema ukusondelana ngamabomu, kungase kube yisikhathi sokumba ngokujulile ukuthi kungani kunjalo nokuthi yini ongayenza ukulungisa lesi simo. Silapha ukuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi kungani umkakho engasenasithakazelo kwezocansi, ngokubonisana nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uGopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed.), ogxile ekwelulekeni komshado nomndeni.

Ingabe Umkakho Akakuthandi Ukuthandana?

Ingabe uvame ukuzibuza, “Kungani umkami engalali nami? Yazi-ke ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi kunezizathu eziyisisekelo ezenza umkakho enqabe ukuyenga kwakho ngokobulili. Ukucwilisa ukusondelana kungalethwa yizici eziningana njengokuthi,

• Imithwalo yemfanelo eyengeziwe
• Ukushintsha izinto eziza kuqala
• Izinguquko zebhayoloji nezokuphila
• Izinkinga zobudlelwane
• Ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo okubuthakathaka
• Ukugula okungapheli
• Ukuba ngomuthi othile
• Izinguquko zokuphila

Izifundo zibonisa ukuthi ukuvama kocansi akulona ngempela uphawu oluhle uma kungekho zinto ezifana nokwaneliseka ngokocansi kanye nobudlelwano obufudumele phakathi kwabalingani. Noma kunjalo, akulula ukubhekana nomcabango othi, “Umkami akalokothi aqale ukusondelana futhi akasabeli ezifisweni zami.” Futhi ungayishaya indiva le nkinga ethile ekamelweni isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba ithinte impilo yakho yengqondo kanye nobudlelwano bakho. Yingakho uma usuzwa ukuthi umkakho ubelokhu egwema ukusondelana nawe, kubalulekile ukuphenya ukuthi kungani kunjalo.

UGopa uthi, “Owesifazane angase aqale ukugwema ukusondelana uma umyeni wakhe engaziqapheli noma engaziqapheli izidingo zakhe. Lokho kungenzeka ngenxa yokungakhulumisani kahle, ukungaqondi kahle, noma ukumane angakuqondi kahle lokho umlingani womshado akucabangayo. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuba impilo yobulili embi iqale ukulimaza injabulo yakho yomshado, sekuyisikhathi sokuba nengxoxo eqotho nomlingani wakho.”

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Kungani Umkami Engenasithakazelo Kimi Ngokocansi? Izizathu Ezingu-15 Zokugwema Ukusondelana

“Umkami uyenqaba ukusondelana. Kungani umkami engasafuni kimi ngokobulili?” Iningi lamadoda ashadile liphila nalomuzwa okhathazayo, ngezinye izikhathi iminyaka ilandelana. Nakuba abanye beqhubeka benxenxa futhi bekhuthaza abangane babo bomshado ukuba “babe semoyeni,” abanye bayayeka ukudalelwa futhi benze ukuthula nokuphila okulambele ubulili noma bafune ukuzanelisa kwenye indawo.

Nokho, ukuziba inkinga noma ukuyibeka eceleni ngeke kuyenze ihambe. Indlela engcono kakhulu iwukuvuma inkinga futhi wenze umzamo wokuqonda ukuthi kungani umkakho enza izinto ezikude. Ake sibheke izimbangela ezingu-15 ezivame kakhulu ezenza umkakho ehlise isifiso sobulili nezindlela zokubhekana nazo:

1. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo emshadweni

Kwabesifazane abaningi, isifiso sobulili sibhebhezelwa imizwa yothando ngabalingani babo. UGopa uthi, “Amadoda angaxabana futhi axabane namakhosikazi awo futhi abe esezizwa ethanda ukubathandana ekupheleni kosuku.” Nokho, akusebenzi ngale ndlela kwabesifazane. Nakhu okungenzeka emshadweni wakho:

• Umkakho uyakugwema ukusondelana ngoba ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo emshadweni kwenza kube nzima ukuba avumele izifiso zakhe zobulili
• Izimpi ezivamile kanye nokuhilizisana kwenze buthaka ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo phakathi kwenu nobabili
• Angase ayicasukele indlela omphatha ngayo futhi angabe esaba nesifiso ngawe
• Uma kunegebe lokuxhumana, angase angakhululeki ukuveza izidingo zakhe embhedeni, okwenza ucansi lungamjabulisi.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Ukwakha nokugcina ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kubalulekile, hhayi nje empilweni eqinile yocansi kodwa nasempilweni yonkana yobudlelwano. Uma umlingani wakho engenasithakazelo kuwe ngokocansi, menzele indawo ephephile ukuze abe sengozini futhi aveze imizwa yakhe yangaphakathi kuwe, chitha isikhathi esihle ndawonye, ​​ninikeze indawo eyanele uma kudingeka, futhi ungazishayi indiva izindaba zobudlelwano ukuze ugweme izingxabano.

2. Awunakekeli izidingo zakhe zocansi

Uyazibuza, “Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokocansi?” Kodwa ingabe uke wacabanga ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi wena uyimbangela yalokho? Uma ucansi lumayelana nawe kuphela futhi ungazikhathazi ngokunakekela izidingo zakhe noma ukuhlola izindlela zokuthuthukisa i-foreplay , akumangazi ukuthi umlingani wakho angase angafuni ukuzibandakanya nesenzo.

Esimeni esinjalo, ukukhononda, “Umkami akangifuni ngokocansi”, kuyize. Ngaphandle kwalokho, izinkinga zempilo yezocansi zabesilisa ezinjengokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, ukulahlekelwa i-libido, noma ukuphuma ngaphambi kwesikhathi kuvame ukuba yisithiyo endleleni yakho yokujabulisa owesifazane wakho.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma usola ukuthi izidingo zakhe zocansi ezingahlangatshezwana nezidingo ziyisizathu sokuthi usale uhlambalaza, “Umkami akalokothi aqale ukusondelana futhi akaphindiseli ekunxenxeni kwami”, yisikhathi sokuthatha izinyathelo zokulungisa.

• Zihlole kancane ubone ukuthi utshalwe imali kangakanani enjabulweni yakhe
• Iba nengxoxo engakhululekile futhi umbuze ukuthi kungani ebonakala engenasithakazelo sokusondelana nawe
• Mbuze ukuthi yini ayithandayo, hlangabezana nezidingo zakhe, uzitike nge-foreplay eyengeziwe
• Thatha isikhathi sokufunda indlela yakho ezungeze umzimba wakhe
• Funa ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi noma vakashela i-andrologist - yenza okudingekayo ukubhekana nomkakho engakufuni

3. Ucansi luyinjwayelo futhi luyisidina

Akuyona imfihlo ukuthi ucansi ngemva komshado luvame ukuba yinto eyisicefe, ikakhulukazi uma kungekho muntu othandana naye owenza umzamo wokugcina umlilo wenkanuko uvutha. Uma okuhlangenwe nakho kwenu kocansi kungenayo injabulo noma seniyeke ukuhlola imizimba yomunye nomunye, nizama izikhundla ezintsha zocansi noma izindlela zokuthuthukisa injabulo, ucansi oluyisicefe nolubikezelwayo lungaba yimbangela yokuthi umkakho agweme ukusondelana.

Ukuzibamba kanye nokubukeka kabi komzimba kuholela ekusweleni kwesifiso sobulili. Izifundo zibonisa ukuthi ukwehla kwemisebenzi yocansi kubangelwa kakhulu ukuntuleka kwenjabulo kanye nempilo engeyinhle yomzimba ehlotshaniswa nokuguga kwabesilisa nabesifazane.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma lesi kungesona sizathu esibangela ingxabano yakho yokuthi “kungani umkami engalali nami,” kunethemba lokuthi ungakwazi ukuguqula izinto ngokunonga izikhathi zakho zokusondelana. Nansi indlela:

• Zama ukugcina izinto zijabulisa futhi ziyingozi phakathi kwamashidi ukuze umkakho angakwazi ukumelana nawe
• Ungazama ukudlala indima ethile, ukugqoka ngendlela ehehayo, noma udale umuzwa othokozisayo onephunga elimnandi namakhandlela ukuze ubeke isimo sengqondo esifanele.
• Buza umlingani wakho ukuthi angathanda yini ukuzwa okuthile okuhlukile embhedeni
• Ukumfica engazi lutho ngezinye izikhathi kungase kubangele inkanuko

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4. Ukhathele ngempela

“Abantu besifazane kulezi zinsuku banezinto eziningi ezibakhathazayo, ukufeza izibopho zasekhaya nezomsebenzi kungabaqeda amandla, kubashiye bengenawo amandla okuzibandakanya ocansini, ngenxa yalokhu, ukusondelana nabalingani babo kungase kuqale ukuzizwa sengathi omunye umsebenzi,” kusho uGopa. Mhlawumbe, ukuntula komkakho isithakazelo sokusondelana nawe akuhlangene nawe noma isimo sobuhlobo bakho.

Ngenkathi ucabanga ukuthi “Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokocansi?”, cishe ukhathazekile ngazo zonke izinsuku zokugcina zomsebenzi, amaqembu azowaphatha, izingane azozikhulisa, ukudla azokupheka, ukuthunywa, nezinye izinto eziyinkulungwane. Ngokwemvelo, imicabango yobulili ithatha indawo engemuva.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Lesi sizathu esiyisisekelo esenza umkakho agweme ukusondelana singasingathwa kalula.

• Ungaguqula isimo sempilo yakho yocansi ngokwabelana naye ngomthwalo wakhe futhi uzibandakanye kakhulu ekuphatheni ikhaya
• Yenza umkakho azizwe ekhethekile ngokuthinta okumnandi njengokuthola izimbali zakhe noma izipho ezincane, ukumlalela ngokucophelela, ukumphekela ukudla, namanye amazwi okubonga nsuku zonke
• Mthokozise ngosuku lwe-spa noma umkhiphe eholidini ukuze aphule i-monotony futhi umnikeze ukuphumula okumfanele ngempela

5. Kungani umkami engalali nami? Angaba ukukopela

Uma ukungabi nasithakazelo ocansini kuvele kungazelelwe futhi kukumangaze, kungenzeka ukuthi umkakho uyakopela. Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukuzibophezela kuhlobene kakhulu nokwaneliseka ngokocansi kowesifazane. Uma imicabango yakhe yobulili nezifiso zakhe zingahlangatshezwanga kulo mshado, angase aphambukile. Empeleni, uma izidingo zakhe zobulili sezihlangatshezwa kwenye indawo, ngeke abe nesizathu esincane sokufuna ukusondelana nawe.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma kuvela isimo esibi lapho umkakho engalokothi aqale ukuthintana ngokomzimba ngoba ethandana nomuntu ongaphandle komshado , udinga ukubhekana naso ngokuhlakanipha. Imiphumela yokuthandana ayilula neze emshadweni. Nobabili kudingeka nithembeke ngokuphelele komunye nomunye ukuze nixazulule izinkinga zobudlelwano benu futhi nibuyisele uthando nokwethembana emshadweni wenu. Ukuya emibhangqwaneni yokwelapha kungaba usizo olukhulu. Ukuze wazi nje, izinsizakalo zokweluleka zeBonobology zihlala zikhona ngawe.

6. Umkakho useyazi ngomzimba wakhe

Kungani umkami engenandaba nami ngokocansi, uyazibuza? UGopa unempendulo enkingeni yakho, “Abantu besifazane bayayiqaphela imizimba yabo ngokujwayelekile.Nganginamakhasimende ambalwa athola umntwana kwakunzima ukuthi aphinde athandane nabashade nabo ngoba babengasakhululekile emizimbeni yabo.

“Isimo singaba sibi nakakhulu uma umyeni ekhuluma ngokunganaki noma okulimazayo ngokubukeka kwakhe.” Uma umbeka phansi futhi ululaza ukuzethemba kwakhe, akulula ukubona ukuthi kungani umkakho enqaba ukusondelana. Ake sizame ukuqonda ukuxhumana phakathi kwesifiso sakhe esiphansi kanye nezinguquko zomzimba, ukuze ube nozwela ngesimo sakhe:

• Umshado, ukukhulelwa, nokubeletha, okuhambisana noshintsho lwamahomoni ezigabeni ezihlukahlukene zokuphila, ngezinye zezinkinga izizathu zokuthi abesifazane bakhuluphale futhi ithumela ukuzethemba kwabo nosediving
• Ukungakhululeki esikhumbeni sabo kuyisizathu esivamile sokuthi abesifazane balahlekelwe isithakazelo ocansini nabashade nabo
• Ukuguga kungaba nomthelela ofanayo emzimbeni wowesifazane okumenza azizwe engafiseleki futhi engaheheki

Okufanele ngikwenze

Manje njengoba usuyazi ukuthi lokhu kungase kube isizathu sokuthi kungani umkakho engalokothi aqalise uthando noma ukusondelana kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo, udinga ukuba yidwala lakhe futhi umqinisekise ukuthi usacabanga ukuthi muhle njengosuku lapho uqala ukubonana naye. Ukuncoma okuncane kungahamba ibanga elide ukumenza azizwe ezethemba futhi emusha enhliziyweni. Uma oshade naye kade edlula kuleso siqeshana ngemva kokukhulelwa, kufanele ube umyeni osekelayo futhi umsize kulolu shintsho.

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7. Imithwalo yemfanelo yomkhaya kanye nezinkinga kungase kumkhathaze

Uma uvame ukuzitshela ukuthi, “Umkami akangifuni ngokocansi”, cabanga ngalokhu: imizwa yakhe yokuzalela ngokwemvelo iguqula ukugxila kwakhe emndenini nasezinganeni, futhi lokhu kungase kuthinte isikhala sengqondo asinika wena kanye nokusondelana ngokocansi emshadweni wakho. Uma kunezinye izinkinga ezifana nokushoda kwezezimali noma ubudlelwano obungebuhle, ukucindezeleka kungase kubulale inkanuko yakhe yobulili. “ Umshado omuhle umayelana nokusekela umlingani wakho . Uma ungakwenzi lokho, uzogcina ubhekene nezinkinga ezifana nokuntuleka kocansi nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo,” kusho uGopa.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma impilo ikuphonsele le-curveball, kufanele ufunde ukubhekana nayo. Esikhundleni sokuphelelwa yithemba ngeqiniso lokuthi umkakho akalokothi aqalise uthando noma ukusondelana, ngenela ukuze uhlanganyele umthwalo wakhe ongokomzwelo. Mazise ukuthi usebuyile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi inkinga ikuphi. Usizo ngokuzama ukuthola izixazululo zezinkinga ebezilokhu zimkhathaza. Lokhu kuzohamba ibanga elide ekubuyiseleni ukuthula kwakhe kwengqondo nokubuyisela uthando ekamelweni lakho

8. Akaneme ngokuntula kwakho inhlanzeko

Kwesinye isikhathi, impendulo yokuthi kungani umkakho enqaba ukusondelana kungaba ukuthi uyekile ukutshala imali ekuzinakekeleni nasekuzilungiseni. Cabanga ngesikhathi nisathandana. Ngokunokwenzeka, uhambe ibanga elide ukumgqokisa, ubukeke umuhle, unuke kahle, futhi uhlale uzinzile ulindele ukwenza okuthile.

Njengoba usushadile futhi uzizwa uzinzile ebuhlotsheni, kungenzeka ukuthi usuqalile ukuzithatha kalula lezi zinto. Lesi simo sengqondo sokunganaki singenye yezinto eziphazamisa kakhulu abesifazane . Kungaba yimbangela yokuthi umkakho agweme ukusondelana, ingasaphathwa eyokuxoxa noma ukudalula amaphupho akhe ocansi kuwe.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Ngakho-ke, uma ungakhumbuli ukuthi ugcine nini ukubhula insimbi ngaphambi kokulala noma uzilungisele umkakho, sekuyisikhathi sokuyeka ukuba yi-slob. Qala ukugeza kusihlwa, umgqokisele i-cologne, futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, gcina izinto zilungiswe kahle futhi zihlanzekile lapho.

9. Ukucindezeleka noma izinkinga zempilo yengqondo

Uma uhlala uzibuza ukuthi kungani umkakho engalokothi aqale uthando noma abonise isithakazelo ekusondeleni, qonda ukuthi izinkinga zempilo yengqondo zingathinta isifiso somuntu socansi. Isibonelo, ukucindezeleka kanye nemithi esetshenziswayo ukulawula lokhu, kungayilimaza isifiso somuntu socansi. Iphepha locwaningo lithi okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu esikhathini esidlule kanye nobunzima ekusunguleni ubudlelwano kuvame ukuthinta isifiso sobulili sabesifazane. Ngokusho kocwaningo olufanayo, isifiso sobulili esiphansi sihlobene nokucindezeleka futhi ukuntuleka kokuvuka kanye nenjabulo kuyizimpawu zokukhathazeka.

Ephendula umbuzo othi, “Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokobulili?”, uGopa uthi, “Ngokusobala, uma umuntu ezizwa edangele futhi ecindezelekile, ngeke afune ukusebenzelana nabanye; uyofuna ukuzehlukanisa.

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Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma usola ukuthi umkakho ucindezelekile noma ubhekene nenye inkinga yempilo yengqondo, ukukhathazeka ngokuthi “umkami akalokothi aqale ukusondelana” kufanele kuthathe indawo yesibili. Kumelwe ugxile ekumsizeni anqobe izinkinga zakhe zempilo yengqondo, okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu. Nakhu ongakwenza

• Mtholele usizo olufanele lochwepheshe
• Yiba nozwelo, ungamaki amagama angalungile engqondo noma njengomuntu ofuna ukunakwa
• Bamba isandla somlingani wakho kulesi sikhathi esinzima futhi inhlansi yocansi izobuya lapho ephuma kuyo, enamandla futhi enempilo.

10. Izinkinga zempilo eziyisisekelo

Njengempilo yengqondo, inhlalakahle yomzimba nayo ibalulekile ukuze abesifazane bazizwe benamandla ocansi. Ngenkathi ulahlekelwa ubuthongo ngokuthi akasakuthandi yini , umkakho angase abe nezinkinga zezempilo ezingakatholakali, okubangela ukuba afune ucansi.

Izimo zabesifazane ezifana ne-endometriosis, i-PCOS, i-PCOD, i-uterine fibroids, ukomisa kwesitho sangasese sowesifazane, nobuhlungu be-pelvic kungenza kube nzima ukuthi abesifazane bajabulele ucansi. Futhi, izinguquko zamahomoni ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa kanye nokuncelisa ibele noma ukuya esikhathini kungase kuthinte isifiso sobulili sowesifazane.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Ukubona i-OB-GYN kusenesikhathi kufanele uma usola ukuthi isimo sezempilo esicashile singase sibe yimbangela yokuncipha kwesifiso sobulili somkakho. Khumbula, kuthatha isikhathi ukuthi izimo ezinjalo zelashwe ngokuphelele (noma ziphathwe). Kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho intshisekelo yakhe ocansini izophinde ivuke. Kudingeka ubekezele kuye.

11. Izingane seziyinto ehamba phambili

“Umkami akasangithinti.” Izinto sezishintshile selokhu saba nengane yethu,” uGreg, omunye wabafundi bethu eLong Island wahlanganyela nathi, wanezela, “Njengoba lena kuyingane yethu yokuqala, angazi nokuthi yini evamile nokuthi yini engeyiyo.

Nakuba kwaneliseka, ukuba ngumama kuyinselele engapheli. Wonke owesifazane unendlela yakhe yokwamukela le ndima, futhi kwabanye, iba yinto ebalulekile ekuphileni kwabo, ethatha isikhala esiningi sengqondo, amandla, izinsiza zomzimba, nesikhathi. Umkakho kungenzeka ukuthi naye usehileleke kakhulu ekukhuliseni izingane kangangokuthi ubuhlobo bakhe nawe sebuthathe indawo yangemuva. Lokhu kungamenza abe ngumlingani oqhelelene ngokomzwelo , okuholela ekuntulekeni kocansi.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma izingane ziyisizathu sokuthi kungani umkakho engalokothi aqalise uthando, kumelwe ugxilise ukubaluleka kokusondelana phakathi kombhangqwana ukuze kube nomshado ojabulisayo, onempilo. Mhlawumbe uzosiqonda isidingo sokulondoloza ukulinganisela phakathi kwendima yakhe njengomama nomfazi. Futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, uma ubukade usalibele emsebenzini wakho wasekhaya kanye nasemisebenzini yobuzali, sekuyisikhathi sokubamba futhi ukhulule isikhala esithile engqondweni nasempilweni yakhe ukuze acabange imicabango ekhangayo.

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12. Uma umkakho engasalufuni ucansi kungenzeka ngenxa yokucasuka

“Uma kukhona inzondo emshadweni , kuzobonakala njengokuntuleka kocansi nokusondelana. Muva nje ngisebenze neklayenti elalithukuthele kakhulu ngomlingani walo kangangokuthi lalingafuni nokuthi alithinte, ingasaphathwa eyokusondelana ngokomzimba. Uma kukhona ukungezwani kanye nezikhala zokuxhumana eziholela enzondweni, inzondo izobonakala, futhi ukuntuleka kocansi emshadweni kuyisibonakaliso esisodwa nje salokho,” kusho uGopa.

Okufanele ngikwenze

Uma ukuntuleka kocansi emshadweni wakho kuwumphumela wokucasuka okucashile, nakhu ongakwenza: 

• Esikhundleni sokuvumela imicabango elimazayo enjengokuthi, “Umkami akalokothi aqale ukusondelana. Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi akasangithandi?” noma “umkami ngeke akhiphe ngaphandle, ingabe angimfanelekeli?”, uyakudla, zama ukugxila endabeni ewumgogodla ebangela ukucasuka ebudlelwaneni benu.
• Ngeqiniso futhi ngokukhululekile xoxani ngezidingo ezingagcwaliseki zomunye nomunye
• Faka imali eningi emshadweni wakho futhi ungamthathi kalula owakwakho

13. Uphelelwe ukukwethemba

Uma ungazange uthembeke kuye futhi yena ekwazi lokho, kusobala ukuthi kungani umkakho engalokothi aqale uthando noma ukusondelana nawe. Mhlawumbe, awuzange wenze umzamo wokubuyisa ukuthembana kwakhe ngemva kokukopela noma ukubhekana nemiphumela yokungathembeki ngendlela efanele. Lokhu kumenze waqhelelana ngokomzwelo futhi wahlukana, okungaholela ekunciphiseni ukusondelana.

Nakuba uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokobulili?”, mhlawumbe ukhathazekile ngokuthi kungani ayenganele ngawe. Ukungathembeki ngokocansi akusona ukuphela kwesizathu sokungathembeki. Ukuthandana ngokomzwelo, ukukhohliswa ngokwezimali, noma ukufihla into enkulu kungase kube buhlungu futhi kungabangela izinkinga zokwethembana ebudlelwaneni. 

UGopa uyachaza, “Ukukopela nokungathembeki kungaba yingozi empilweni yobuhlobo. Ubuhlungu, ukulinyazwa, ukuntula ukwethembana kwenza abalingani bahlukane. Lowo obekade esesimweni sokungathembeki okunjalo, uhlala ekuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomngane wakhe womshado, kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokobulili.”

Okufanele ngikwenze:

Ukuntula ukusondelana kuba yinto yesibili ekhathazayo ezimweni ezinjengalezi. Okubalulekile kwakho kufanele kube ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni.

• Uma umkakho ebonakala ekude, thatha isinyathelo emuva ukuze uhlaziye lapho okungenzeka ukuthi wonile khona kangangokuthi angaphinde akwethembe.
• Uma ngempela kuke kwaba nokuqonywa, kuqede ngokushesha futhi ubonise umkakho ukuthi utshale imali ekwenzeni lo mshado usebenze. 
• Uma kwenzeka wephule ukwethenjwa kwakhe ngenye indlela, yiba namaphutha akho, yiba nengxoxo ejulile naye, futhi mqinisekise ukuthi konke sekwenzekile.
• Mhlawumbe ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezithile kungasiza ukwakha kabusha uthando ngemva kokulimala ngokomzwelo

14. I-post-pregnancy blues ingaba yisizathu sokungafuni ucansi

Uma ulokhu ulokhu uzidabukela ngokuthi “umkami ngeke angithinte”, cabanga ngezinkinga zangemva kokukhulelwa njengesizathu esingaba isizathu. Ukubeletha kuyisenzakalo esishintsha ukuphila esingenzima nje emzimbeni womuntu kodwa nasemqondweni wakhe. Cishe bonke omama abasanda kubeletha babhekana nalokho okuchazwa ngokwezokwelapha ngokuthi 'i-baby blues' - umuzwa wokudabuka okungazelelwe ngemva kokubeletha, okuhambisana nokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo nokucasuka, phakathi kwezinye izimpawu.

Kwezinye izimo, lokhu kungadlulela ekucindezelekeni kwangemva kokubeletha, okuyisizathu esivamile sokuthi kungani umkakho egwema ukusondelana. Futhi, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukulimala kwesitho sangasese sowesifazane, ukungakwazi ukuzibamba ngomchamo, kanye nobulili obubuhlungu ngenxa yokungavuki kahle nakho kunomthelela ekunciphiseni isithakazelo sowesifazane ocansini.

Okufanele ngikwenze:

Ukungabi naso isithakazelo ocansini ngemva kokubeletha akuyona into ongayenza - noma oyidingayo - ukuyilungisa. Kaningi kunalokho, kuyisigaba esidlulayo. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi,

• Ungazami ukumlungisa, vele ube naye
• Qiniseka ukuthi umkakho uphumula ngokwanele futhi udla kahle
• Ukuthintana kwabantu nezingxoxo ezisuka enhliziyweni zingamphilisa
• Qaphela noma yiziphi izimpawu zokucindezeleka kwangemva kokubeletha

15. Awukwazi ukumnika isikhathi

Kungenzeka ukuthi usugxile kakhulu emsebenzini wakho noma nabangani nomndeni kangangokuthi awuchithi isikhathi esihle nomkakho. Wonke owesifazane udinga ukunakwa ngumyeni wakhe . Ukungamniki isikhathi esanele nothando kuzodala ukuqhelelana emshadweni. Ngenxa yalokho, ungase uzithole ukhala ngokuthi, “Umkami akangifuni ngokocansi.”

Okufanele ngikwenze:

Ungakwazi ukulungisa izinto ngale ndlela ngokuhlela izinsuku ezikhethekile namaholidi amancane ukuze nobabili nigxile komunye nomunye nasebudlelwaneni benu ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngomsebenzi, ezezimali, izingane, nezinye izinto. Futhi, esikhundleni sokulinda umkakho ukuba aqale, ungahlela yonke into futhi umbonise isikhathi esingcono kakhulu.

“Kungani umkami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokobulili?” kungaba iphazili ethokozisayo ukuyixazulula. Ngokusobala, kunezizathu eziningi ezenza owesifazane aphelelwe isithakazelo sokusondelana nomyeni wakhe. Nakuba ezinye zezinto eziyisisekelo zingasuswa ngendlela efanele nendlela yokucabanga, ezinye zingalimaza kakhulu ubudlelwano bonke. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, yenza okusemandleni akho futhi usebenzisane nomkakho ukubuyisela leyo nhlansi emshadweni wakho. Ngethemba, manje usuyazi ukuthi yini okumele usebenze kuyo. Ngikufisela inhlanhla!

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoMeyi 2023. 

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