Kufanele Uthandane Kangakanani Nomuntu Othile - Ukubuka Kochwepheshe

Kufanele uphole nomuntu isikhathi esingakanani? Lokho kuxhomeke endleleni imizwa yakho eye yathuthuka ngayo phakathi nesikhathi sokwazi. Pho 'uzizwa kanjani' ngomuntu ombonayo? Uyakuthola kumnandi ukuphola? Kodwa umbuzo othi "Yini elandelayo?" kukhathaza ingqondo yakho? Nakuba kumnandi, ukuqomisana ngokunganaki kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuyinkimbinkimbi okuletha imibuzo eminingi kanye nezingqinamba ngemva kwakho. Ukukusiza ukuthi ubhekane nalezo futhi uqonde imikhuba emihle yokuphola, sifinyelele kusazi wezengqondo Utkarsh Khurana, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esilulekayo, ongumqeqeshi wobudlelwane nobudlelwane obuseduze.

Uthi, “Ukuphola okuvamile, akukho ukuzibophezela, okusho ukuthi unesithakazelo sothando kumuntu othile kodwa awumboni kaningi ngendlela obubona ngayo umlingani wakho ebudlelwaneni.Okunye okubalulekile kokuphola okungavamile nokuhlukana okujulile kokuthandana ukuthi ukujola kusho ukungakhethi kanye nokungazibophezeli, kuyilapho ukuphola okujulile kudinga ukuzibophezela. nokuvumelana.”

Liyini Iphuzu Lokuphola Okuvamile?

I-Casual relationship psychology ilula kakhulu. Uthanda umuntu ngokwanele ukuthi ufune ukuhlanganyela naye kodwa hhayi kangangokuthi ufuna ukuboshelwa ndawonye. Ufuna ukugcina izinto zilula. Ukuqomisana okuvamile kwesinye isikhathi kungaholela ebudlelwaneni obungathi sína uma bobabili abathintekayo beba nemizwa futhi besekhasini elifanayo mayelana nabakufunayo ebuhlotsheni. Ngokusho kuka-a cwaningo eyanyatheliswa ephephabhukwini I-Sex Roles, eyahlola abafundi basekolishi abangu-221, abesilisa nabesifazane bathi bangathanda ukuqomisana, ngisho noma bengavamile, uma benikezwa ukuphola okungajwayelekile ngokumelene nabangane abanezinzuzo zokuzikhethela.

U-Utkarsh uthi, “Lapho uphola nomuntu ukhululekile, ayikho i-ajenda enkulu ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi naye. Uhlangana naye, uphatheke kahle, futhi ube nesikhathi esimnandi. Iphuzu lokuphola nje ukuzijabulisa nokwanelisa izidingo ezingokwenyama zomunye nomunye futhi ngezinye izikhathi nezidingo ezingokomzwelo. Uthanda othile, futhi ufuna ukumazi, uxhumane naye, futhi uchithe isikhathi esihle naye.”

Ingabe kulungile ukuthandana nomuntu nje? Yebo. Ukuqomisana okuvamile kungaba yindlela enhle yokuhlola ukuthi umuntu othola ebukekayo angakufanelekela yini. Kufana nokuvivinywa kobudlelwano, kungaba nomuntu ochotshozwayo esikoleni samabanga aphezulu, osebenza naye, noma umuntu oxhumene naye engosini yokuqomisana. Lona iphuzu eliphelele lokugcina lokhu kukhanya futhi kungavamile.

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Imithetho yokuphola evamile ilula. Udinga ukuwalandela uma ungafuni ukuthi noyedwa wenu alimale ekugcineni:

• Chaza ubudlelwano kusukela lapho uya khona
• Ungenzi noma yiziphi izinhlelo zesikhathi eside nabo 
• Ungabi nomnikazi/ulawule/ungabi nomona 
• Ubudlelwano obungajwayelekile buhlala isikhathi esingakanani? Inqobo nje uma nobabili niyifuna
• Hloniphani imingcele yomunye nomunye 
• Nika ukubaluleka kwezinye izinto empilweni yakho
• Cacisa okulindelekile nezidingo
• Khulisa ukuzimela, futhi kungcono uma ugcina imibuthano yakho yehlukene

Kufanele Uthandane Kangakanani Nomuntu Othile - Ukubuka Kochwepheshe

Kufanele uphole nomuntu isikhathi esingakanani ngaphambili ukukhethekile? Ayikho impendulo ebambekayo kulokhu. Ekuqaleni, konke kumayelana nokwazana. Isigaba sokukhuluma yilapho amazinga akho e-dopamine ephezulu ngenjabulo yokuhlangana nomuntu omusha. Ingahamba noma ngayiphi indlela:

• Okufanayo kungase kukwenze nichofoze kabili futhi nithuthukise isibopho esihle, esisebenza njengesisekelo sento ebucayi kakhulu
• Kungase kube namafulegi abomvu akukhiphayo futhi ungase ufune ukugcina izinto zikhululekile inqobo nje uma kumnandi kuwo womabili amaqembu futhi ekugcineni uhambe ngezindlela zakho ezihlukene.

Kuzwakala kucace, akunjalo? Kodwa ubudlelwano abuvamile ukuba njalo. Ubuhlobo obuvamile bungase futhi bubangele inqwaba yemibuzo: Kusho ukuthini uma umfana ekucela ukuthi ulale? Ebudlelwaneni bezinyanga ezi-3, yini okufanele uyilindele? Ngabe kusho ukuthi sesithatha serious? Hhayi-ke, akuphathelene nobude besikhathi, kodwa ikhwalithi.

U-Utkarsh uthi, “Kufanele uphole nomuntu inqobo nje uma ukhululekile uma unaye. Qiniseka ukuthi ulandela imikhuba emihle yokuphola futhi uyahlonipha imingcele nendawo yabanye. Ungathandana naye kuze kube yilapho kungasamnandi noma kungagculisi.” Ngezansi kukhona izimpawu zokuthi ukuphola okungajwayelekile sekuqalile:

• Uma uqala ukucabanga ngokuzibophezela komunye umuntu noma kumuntu othandana naye nje
• Lapho uzwa sengathi kukhona okushodayo 
• Lapho uzizwa unesizungu 
• Lapho uqaphela i izimpawu zokuthi usebudlelwaneni obungenasiphelo
• Lapho ungaphuthelwa futhi ungakhathazeki ngokuhlangana nabo
• Uma uthandana nabo kuzwakala kuwumsebenzi
• Lapho nobabili anisekho ekhasini elilodwa

Kufanele Umbone Kangaki Umuntu Ophola Nakho?

Kufanele umbone isikhathi eside kangakanani nje umuntu, noma kufanele umbone kangaki? Utkarsh uthi, "Kuya ngokuthi omunye umuntu ukuvuma kangakanani, uyakwazisa, futhi ukwamukele kangakanani. Babone lapho ufuna ukufeza izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo noma zomzimba. Kodwa ukuhlangabezana nazo kaningi kungaholela ekuncikeni okungenampilo. Lokhu kungqubuzana nokuziphatha kwangemva kokuhlangana futhi kungakha isibopho esinobuthi."

Kuhle kakhulu ukuqala ngokubabona kanye ngesonto. Uma senijwayelene, khulisa imvamisa yokuhlangana kwenu kancane. Ungahlangana nabo kabili ngeviki uma ukhangwa yibo. Yakha uxhumano kusuka lapho. Kungakanani isikhathi eside kakhulu ukuphola ngaphandle kokuzibophezela? Hhayi-ke, lokho kuncike ezikhathini eziningi zemihlangano yakho kanye nokuqina koxhumo lwakho. Khumbula, asikho isiqinisekiso soshintsho olusuka ekudaleni okungajwayelekile kuye kongathí sina. Ngakho, hamba kancane.

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Ujola Kanjani Nomuntu Ngokunethezekile Ngaphandle Kokulimala

Utkarsh uthi, “Lona omunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yokuphola nokuphola nje: Ungazilimazi wena noma umuntu ophola naye.” Yingakho abantu abaningi bekugwema ukuba yibona ngempela kuyilapho bephola ngokunganaki. Ngezansi ezinye zezindlela ongajola ngazo nomuntu ngaphandle kokulimala:

I-1. Qiniseka

Gcina ubuqotho bomzwelo ebudlelwaneni ngokuhlala uthembekile ngemizwa yakho. Uma usuqala ukubawela, bazise. Isimo sakho somzwelo futhi siyi-barometer enhle yokuhlola ukuthi kufanele uphole nomuntu isikhathi esingakanani. Yima ngokushesha lapho ucabanga ukuthi uthuthukisa imizwa ngabo, noma ngokushesha nje lapho kubonakala sengathi awukho ekhasini elifanayo nabo. Yilapho-ke ukuphola okungajwayelekile kuba bucayi, noma kubi.

2. Ingabe kulungile ukuthandana nomuntu ongaphezu koyedwa nje? Yebo

Inqobo nje uma wonke umuntu othintekayo esazi ukuthi kuyini ukuguquguquka, kulungile ukuhlala uthandana nabantu abangaphezu koyedwa ngesikhathi esisodwa. Lokho kuzobazisa ukuthi awukakalungeli ukubekwa wedwa okwamanje. Ungabaholeli futhi ubenze bacabange ukuthi usukulungele ukuzibophezela.

3. Ngena nawe

Imithetho yobudlelwano obungajwayelekile ibeka ukuthi kufanele ungene nawe kanye ngesikhathi. Impilo yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzimba kufanele ibe yinto eza kuqala kuwe.

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4. Ungakuyeki ukuzilibazisa kwakho

Abantu abaningi benza iphutha lokuyeka izinto abazithandayo nezithandayo uma sebethole umuntu omusha. Uchitha sonke isikhathi sakho nabo futhi ukhohlwe ukunikeza isikhathi kwezinye izici zokuphila kwakho. 

5. Imithetho yokuthumela imiyalezo yokuqomisana okuvamile: Hlonipha imingcele futhi unganamatheli

Kufanele uphole nomuntu isikhathi esingakanani? Kuze kube yilapho unamathela kuzo futhi ziba ingxenye ebalulekile yombono wempilo yakho. Ungabi uwena kuphela umuntu othandana naye, ikakhulukazi uma ubudlelwano obungenazintambo-anamathiselwe. Kungaba ukunamathela ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, noma kwengqondo.

6. Hlala uzimisele ukuhamba

Utkarsh uthi, "Ukuthi ubuhlobo obungajwayelekile busho ukuthini kumfana bungahluka kulokho okushiwo kumuntu wesifazane. Kwabesifazane, kungase kube indlela yokuzivikela ukuze bagweme imizwa ethile. Ngezinye izikhathi, owesifazane uphola ngokunganaki ukuze enze othile abe nomona. Kodwa futhi bangaphola ngokunganaki ukuze bajabule nocansi. "

Ukuthi ubuhlobo obungajwayelekile busho ukuthini kumfana kulula. Bathambekele ekupholeni okungajwayelekile ukuze bafeze izidingo zabo zocansi. Kwesinye isikhathi bangena ebudlelwaneni obuphindisela emuva futhi. Baphola ngasese ukuze bavikele imizwa yabo, ubuwena, ukuzazisa, noma ingane yangaphakathi.”

Ungasuka Kanjani Ekuqomeni Okuvamile Uye Ebudlelwaneni obusemthethweni - Amathiphu ayi-7

Ukusuka ekuqomeni okuvamile uye ebudlelwaneni obusemthethweni kungaba nzima ezikhathini zamanje. Abantu baqaphe kakhulu mayelana namafulegi abomvu kwabangase babe ozakwethu. Ukwengeza, umuntu akudingeki axazulule, kuhlale kunezinketho ezingcono. Esimeni esinjalo, uma uzwa sengathi ubudlelwano bakho obujwayelekile bungaphezu kobujwayelekile, nakhu ongakwenza:

1. Qiniseka ngakho

Uma ucabanga ukuthi ubambe imizwa ebudlelwaneni obukhululekile futhi ufuna ukuthuthela ebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele, kuzomele uqiniseke ngemizwa yakho ngaphambi kokuba ube nengxoxo ethi “ake sithathe ngokungathi sína”.

• Zibuze imibuzo ebalulekile – Uyafuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni, noma isizungu nje ofuna ukubalekela kuso? Ingabe bangumuntu okulungele? Ungangeni ebudlelwaneni uma ungaphansi kwengcindezi yangaphandle yokuthi uzinikele; ungase ugcine ukucasukela ubudlelwano
• Ungajahi. Uma ungaqiniseki ngobudlelwano bakho obuvamile, thatha ikhefu futhi ucabange ngemizwa yakho. Abafana bavame ukudonsa ngaphambi kokuba bazibophezele. Uma ubona ukuthi isoka lakho elivamile linyamalele ngokuzumayo futhi uthola imicabango efana nokuthi, “Ingabe ngiyasetshenziswa?”, khululeka. Cishe uyacabanga; mhlawumbe nawe kufanele

2. Bheka ubufakazi ngaphambi kokuguqula ubuhlobo obuvamile bube obubucayi

Kunengqondo ukulinda futhi ubheke izinkomba eziphakamisa ukuthi nobabili nilungele inguquko ngaphambi kokuthi niphakamise ukuyisa uthando lwenu olungajwayelekile ezingeni elilandelayo.

• Uzoqaphela izimpawu ezithile zolimi lomzimba. Bazoncika ngakuwe, bayoba nokuma okuvulekile, futhi bazomomotheka ngamehlo abo. Lezi yizimpawu zokuthi ukuhlangana kwakho okujwayelekile kuyakuthanda
• Ungazi kanjani ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano noma ufuna ukuba yedwa? Qaphela ukuthi ngobani abaningi abaqala izingxoxo. Ingabe unokuthile ukuthula okungakahleleki? Uyadlala ngothando? Uma kunjalo, yisikhathi esifanele sokuqhubekela ezinyathelweni ezilandelayo
• Okukodwa kwe izimpawu zokuthi ubudlelwano obujwayelekile buba bucayi ukuthi kancane kancane niqala ukukhathalelana. Ingabe bayakuvumela ukuba ukhulume nabo ngezindaba ezingakhululekile? Ungabethemba?

3. Phakamisa ukuyenza ibe semthethweni

Uma uthola izimpawu ezinhle futhi uthola ukuthi isibopho sakho sesivele silingisa ubudlelwano bothando, kufanele ucabangele ukusenza sibe semthethweni.

• Ungenzi into enkulu ngakho futhi ubathuse. Asikho isidingo sokuthandana okukhulu. Kugcine kujwayelekile. Bamemele endaweni engathathi hlangothi ngesikhathi sabo samahhala, futhi uveze okusenhliziyweni yakho
• Benze bazizwe bekhululekile. Babuze ukuthi bayafuna yini thatha kancane. Qiniseka ukuthi uqhubeka nokungena nabo

4. Veza imizwa yakho

Okunye okubalulekile kobudlelwano okufanele nokungafanele ukwenze ukuveza imizwa yakho futhi ungamthathi kalula umlingani wakho. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuxhumana

• Thembeka ngemizwa yakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna ukuthatha kancane noma ukuzwa uthando olungalawuleki ngomlingani wakho, mazise. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, qaphela ukuthi bangase bangaphindiseli ngaso sonke isikhathi imizwa yakho ngamandla afanayo
• Chaza ukuzibophezela ebuhlotsheni. Cacisa ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano obukhethekile

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5. Zama ukuhlangana phakathi

Yize kungafanele uxegise izindinganiso zakho noma ukuzimela kwakho ngobuhlobo, imithetho yokuqomisana kuphela ihlanganisa uhlobo oluthile lokuyekethisa. Nokho, lokhu kufanele kusuke kuzo zombili iziphetho, hhayi nje umuntu oyedwa.

• Uma ungavumelani nomlingani wakho ngokuthile, esikhundleni sokuphikisa noma ukuzama ukumkholisa ngenye indlela, zama ukuhlonipha umbono wakhe futhi uvume ukungavumelani.
• Zama ukuqondana ngokuxhumana. Ungabi nolaka noma ulindele umlingani wakho ukuthi afunde ingqondo yakho futhi afeze izidingo zakho, izinto ozifunayo, izifiso, kanye nalokho okulindele. Ngokungafani nobudlelwano besikhathi esifushane, izingxoxo ezijulile zigunyazwe ukwakha ukuxhumana okujulile, okuhlala njalo

6. Bonisa ukukhathalela kwakho

Ungabi namahloni okukhombisa ukuthi uyamkhathalela umlingani wakho. Qinisekisa ukuthi abazizwa becindezelwe. Khumbula ukuthatha izinyathelo zomntwana

• Banake. Naka abakushoyo. Lokhu kuzosiza kakhulu ekubenzeni bazizwe bebalulekile
• Uma nobabili senilungile, nibethule kubangani nomndeni. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi uzimisele ngabo futhi uphendula imibuzo yabo efana nokuthi, "Ingabe uyangithanda noma ufuna nje ukuhlangana?" noma “Ingabe ngempela ufuna ukuyisa izinto ezingeni elilandelayo?”

7. Gcina ukuzimela kwakho

Ukuze ube nobuhlobo obuphumelelayo, awudingi uthando kuphela kodwa futhi nenhlonipho. Ukuze omunye nomunye kanye nawe.

• Nikelane isikhala ebudlelwaneni; ningabi abalingani bendiza enophephela emhlane
• Ukubeka imingcele kuzokusiza ugcine umuzwa wakho wokuthi ungubani futhi wakhe ukuxhumana okunempilo nomlingani wakho
• Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zobudlelwano, ngenkathi zijabulisa, zingaba yinselele kakhulu. Akukhona nje ukuthi unomuntu omusha futhi kufanele uvumelane nendawo entsha, kodwa futhi kufanele udwebe umugqa omuhle phakathi kokunaka nokuhlolisisa. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka uhlola ukuze uqinisekise ukuthi nobabili nikhululekile ngobudlelwano

Indlela Yokuqeda Ubudlelwano Obuvamile 

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi kufanele uphole isikhathi esingakanani uphole nomuntu, ukuqonda ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani ubuhlobo obungajwayelekile kuba olunye uhlangothi lwemali. Abantu abathandanayo bavame ukukhetha ubudlelwano obungajwayelekile ngoba bafuna ukujabulela izinzuzo zokuqomisana ngaphandle kwedrama. Ngaphandle uma bobabili ozakwethu besekhasini elilodwa, ubudlelwano obujwayelekile abusebenzi. Nakhu u-Utkarsh aluleka ngakho labo abakhalayo, “Ufuna ukungibona njalo ngemva kwamasonto amabili, kodwa mina ngifuna ukuzinikela.”

1. Qala ingxoxo ejulile

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iqiniso lokuthi awuzimisele ngokuzinza njengamanje noma usenkingeni ethi “ufuna ukungazinaki, ngifuna izinto ezibucayi,” chaza ukuthi kungani ufuna ukuqeda ubuhlobo.

• Kungase kuzwakale kukhanga ukubafaka umoya ngaphandle kokungena enkingeni yokuchaza izinto, kodwa akuwona neze umqondo omuhle. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukukhuluma ngezizathu zakho zokuqeda ubudlelwano obuthile kunikeza bobabili abalingani ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana
• Ungakuqeda kanjani nomfana okubophayo noma intombazane edlala kushisa futhi kubanda? Batshele ukuthi kungani uhlukana nabo. Ungadlali noma yimiphi imidlalo yokusola; thembeka

2. Gcina iphenti lakho uligqokile

Ukuqeda ubudlelwano obuthile akuhlukile kunoma yiluphi olunye uhlobo lokuhlukana ngoba udinga ukunqamula bonke ubuhlobo nomlingani wakho ovamile ukuze ukwazi ukugqashula futhi uqhubeke. Lokho kusho ukuthi akusekho ukulala nabo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubulili obuhle kangakanani, kufanele uqedele ngaphandle kwalokho uzozithola uvaleleke emjikelezweni ongenampilo wokuxhumanisa okuphindaphindiwe okungase kuguquke ngokushesha okunobuthi nokudonsa ngokomzwelo.

3. Nquma indlela eya phambili

Abantu bangase bakhethe ukuba sebudlelwaneni obukhululekile ngoba befuna ulwazi lokuthandana nabantu abaningi, ngoba bengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi bafunani ebudlelwaneni, noma ngenxa yokuthi bengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi bafuna ubudlelwano kwasekuqaleni. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuqaphela indlela ozizwa ngayo

• Nquma ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuba abangane. Uyabona ukuthi ufuna ukuhlanganyela kodwa hhayi ukuphola, kuyilapho ufuna ubuhlobo. Uma uzizwa ujulile ngabo, kuzoba umqondo omuhle ukuthi ungangeni. Nokho, uma unomuzwa wokuthi bangaba umngane othembekile, lokho kuzwakala kuyisu elihle kakhulu
• Ungakugwemi ukubhekana nemizwa yakho. Kungokwemvelo ukuba nemizwa ngisho nalapho uthandana “nombhede wakho noma owami”. Umqondo uwukucubungula ngendlela enempilo esikhundleni sokucasuka noma ukuziphazamisa nabantu abasha
• Kwabesifazane, ingozi ecatshangelwayo yokuqomisana yendabuko ilindelwe ukuzinza. Ngakho-ke ungazithathi mathupha uma ethi akafuni ubuhlobo futhi ufuna ukunqamula ubuhlobo

4. Zilungiselele ukuhlehla

Uma ubona izimpawu zokuthi ubudlelwano obujwayelekile buya ngokuya buba bucayi kusuka esiphethweni somlingani wakho ngenkathi ungathambekele ekuzinikeleni, lokho kungase kubangele ukuhlehla.

• Izikhathi eziningi, abantu badidanisa i-chemistry nothando. Bangase bagcine sebekholelwa ukuthi ubaholile ngesikhathi nisathandana nje ngokunganaki. Akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi lokhu kuyifulegi elibomvu lokunamathiselwe okungavikelekile, kodwa futhi kungaholela ekwehlukaneni okungajabulisi noma okunodlame.
• Yingakho kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi awubheke lutho olubucayi, ngakho kungabikho muntu othola umbono ongalungile. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, qaphela ukuthi awunasibopho ngendlela abanye abantu abazizwa ngayo

Inzuzo eyodwa eyinhloko yokuphola okungavamile vs ukuqomisana okungathí sina ukuthi lapho uphola, ungajola nabantu abaningi ngesikhathi esisodwa. Ngeke ukwenze lokho ebudlelwaneni obubucayi. Kukhona okungenzeka ukuthi umona uzofika endleleni, noma kunjalo, okuzodingeka ubhekane nakho ngobuchule.

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