Uchwepheshe Usiza Ukuthola Ukuthi Kungani Unezinkinga Zokuzibophezela nokuthi Yini Ongayenza

Ukwesaba ukuzinikela kuyiqiniso futhi kudinga isibindi esikhulu ukuze uqale ubone inkinga yakho bese uzibuza, “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzinikela?” Uma wenze ingxenye enzima kakhulu yokwamukela okukukhathazayo nokubuza imibuzo efanele, khona-ke usulungele ukuhlola nokulungisa izinkinga zakho zokuzibophezela empilweni. 

Safinyelela kudokotela wengqondo Jayant Sundaresan, othi, “Olunye lwezimpawu eziyinhloko zezindaba zokuzibophezela ukuzizwa ukhathazekile, uma umuntu ephelelwa ukuphumula lapho ezwa ukuthi izinto ziya ngokujula ebudlelwaneni, angase ahlehlele emuva.

"Ezimweni ezithile, le mfanelo ingase ihehe kwabanye abantu. Ingxenye engajahi ingase ijabulise omunye umuntu. Bangase bazibuze ukuthi ingabe umuntu onezinkinga zokuzibophezela uhlanganiswe ngendlela ehlukile. Kodwa maduze nje, yonke le mizwa izophela, futhi uma sebeqala ukuthuthukisa imizwa ngalo muntu, bazofuna noma okungenani balindele ngokuyimfihlo uhlobo oluthile lokuzinikela".

Akuyona into engajwayelekile noma engajwayelekile ukuba nayo – abaningi bethu banokwesaba ukuzinikela. Kungaba yizindaba zokuzibophezela ezihlobene nomsebenzi noma ezihlobene nobungane futhi. Kodwa ukwesaba okuvame kakhulu ukuzibophezela kubonakala ebuhlotsheni bothando. Uma ungahlali phansi uthole izindlela zokuyilungisa le nkinga kungadala umonakalo empilweni yakho.

Kungani Nginezinkinga Zokuzibophezela - Izimpendulo Zochwepheshe

Lapho sithandana, sifuna ukuchitha sonke isikhathi sethu nomlingani wethu. Sifuna ukwazi konke ngabo. Kusukela kumbala wabo oyintandokazi kuya kumamuvi ayintandokazi kuye endleleni ubuso babo obubukeka ngayo lapho belele. Maduze, lapho isigaba se-honeymoon sesiphelile futhi uzothola ubudlelwano bakho buthokomele endaweni ephephile nenokuthula. Lena yingxenye lapho omunye wakho obalulekile engaqala khona ukulindela ukuzibophezela kuwe.

UJayant uthi, “Uma amadoda ethandana nomuntu ongaphezu koyedwa engafuni ukuhlala isikhathi eside namuntu lokho kuwuphawu lwezinkinga zokuzibophezela emadodeni, angaze ahlangane nomuntu oshadile, njengoba abantu abashadile bengaceli ukuzibophezela.

"Ngendlela efanayo, izinkinga zokuzibophezela kwabesifazane zizobenza bakhe izindonga eziphakeme ezizungezile. Bazojola nabantu abaningi ngesikhathi esisodwa ukuze bagweme ukuwela kunoma yimuphi wabo. Iminyango yabo izovalwa ngenxa yothando nokuzibophezela. Uma becabanga ukuthi kuholela entweni engathi sína, bazizwa bengakhululekile futhi bathole izindlela zokusuka."

Igama elithi 'ukuzibophezela' livame ukuhlotshaniswa nobudlelwane besikhathi eside obugcina buholela emshadweni nasezinganeni. Uma nje umcabango walokhu ukwethusa, khona-ke ulungile ukuzibuza, "Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzinikela?" Kuningi izeluleko zokuqeda izinkinga zokuzibophezela. Ukwesaba kwakho ukuzinza cishe kujulile futhi akubonakali ngaphandle. Kodwa uma usuqaphela ukuthi une-phobia yokuzibophezela, kufanele uzame ukuthola isizathu salokho. Nazi ezinye zezizathu ezingase zibe nezinkinga zokuzibophezela.

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1. Ubudlelwano bangaphambili budlala indima ebalulekile ekudaleni izindaba zokuzibophezela empilweni

U-Jayant uthi, “Lapho ubuhlobo bujula, yilapho ubuhlungu benhliziyo buba buhlungu kakhulu. Isiphetho esibi sobudlelwano sikwenza ube sengozini enkulu futhi kwenza kube nzima ngawe ukuqala ukuphola ngemva kokuhlukana. Uma umuntu owabelana naye ngempilo yakho ngokuzumayo ekushiya futhi ethi akasakuthandi, ungamthemba kanjani umuntu futhi? Kungokwemvelo ukucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho wamanje uzokushiya njengoba kwenza isithandwa sakho sangaphambili. Lokhu kwesaba ukulahlwa kunomthelela omkhulu ekutheni 'kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela?' umbuzo.”

Kwabaningi bethu, ubudlelwano obudlule buthinta zonke izinsuku zokuphila kwethu. Siqaphe kakhulu ngenxa yokuhlukumezeka kwethu okudlule. Kodwa sivame ukukhohlwa ukuthi okwedlule kudlulile, futhi kudingeka sigxile kakhulu kokwethu. Ngangilokhu ngibuza, “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela?” futhi ngathola impendulo yami lapho ngiyeka ukuzama ukulungisa ubuhlobo bami obudlule esikhathini sami samanje. 

Isithandwa sami sangaphambili sasinezinkinga ezinkulu zokuzibophezela. Ngaqala ukwenza lezo zinkinga ebudlelwaneni bami bamanje futhi kwadala ubunzima obuningi kimi. Ngaba ukuzivikela nokuzivikela ngokwedlulele, ngisho nalapho kungadingeki. Kwakuwubudlelwane bami bangaphambili obuyinkinga. Ngangingena ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo ngokomzwelo esikhathini esidlule hhayi esikhathini samanje. Bengizivikela ngani othandweni lwami lwamanje lapho kungekho engizikhathaza ngakho? Kwangithatha isikhathi ukuthi ngilungise lokhu futhi ngiqonde ukuthi ukwesaba kwami ​​ukuzinikela kuvela esikhathini sami esidlule. 

Izinkinga zokuzibophezela kwabesifazane zingabangelwa ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo bangaphambilini. Ngokufanayo, izinkinga zokuzibophezela emadodeni zingaba ngenxa yokukhanya kwegesi noma ukuba nozakwenu obhuqabhuqayo nolawulayo.

2. Umlando womndeni kanye nethonya

UJayant uthi, “Kungani umuntu angaba nezinkinga zokuzibophezela uma ebone abazali abajabule futhi belondekile? ubudlelwano obuhle, khona-ke ungase ungabi nenzondo kangako ngokuzibophezela. Kodwa uma ubona ubudlelwano obubi, lokho kungase kube isizathu sokuzibophezela kwakho kwe-phobia. 

Uma ubona abazali bakho noma abadala bomkhaya wakini belwa ngobudlova, noma uma uvela kubazali abahlukanisile, ukuzibophezela kungase kungabi lula kuwe. Abantu abanjalo abanabo ubuhlobo obuhle bokulingisa.

Uma ubuza ukuthi, “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzinikela”, ukukhuliswa kungaba yimpendulo. Ukuphila komndeni wakho kanye nobuntwana kwaziwa ngokuba nomthelela omkhulu kubo bonke ubudlelwano bakho. 

Kungani unezinkinga zokuzibophezela? Ngoba wabona indlela abazali bakho ababephathana ngayo ngokhahlo. Ngoba ubone umshado wabazali bakho ongaphumelelanga, ohlukumezayo noma ongajabulisi. Okuhlangenwe nakho okunjalo kungabangela kalula izindaba zokuzibophezela empilweni.

Kungase futhi kube umphumela wokunganaki kwabazali bakho njengengane, noma ngenxa yokungena ngokweqile. Babelokhu behlasela indawo yakho yomuntu siqu futhi bengasabeli ekukhuleni kwakho. Ukube ubunabazali bendiza enophephela emhlane, ungase ubhekane nezinkinga zokuzinikela ekuphileni.

3. Isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile

Isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile ibonakala ngokwesaba ukulahlwa nokungaqiniseki ngobuhlobo. U-Jayant uthi, "Isitayela sokunamathisela esingavikelekile singesinye sezizathu ezenza umuntu abe nezinkinga zokuzibophezela. Isitayela sakho sokunamathisela sikhula ngokushesha nje ezinyangeni ezi-4. Sisekelwe endleleni abanakekeli bakho abakunakekele ngayo futhi bakududuza. Ngamafuphi, ukuntuleka kokunakekelwa kwabazali kwenza kube nzima kuwe ukwethemba othile.

Kulokhu, esikhundleni sokucabanga ukuthi unomuntu ongalungile noma usephutheni ngokuba nenkinga enjalo, gxila ekutheni ungazilungisa kanjani izinkinga zokuzibophezela. Mhlawumbe awuzange ubhekane nesitayela sakho sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile. Lokho kungaba yimpendulo yokuthi kungani unezinkinga zokuzibophezela.

Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, ungase ucabange ukuthi lobu budlelwano ngeke buphumelele, yingakho ugwema ukunikeza umlingani wakho ukuzibophezela okufanele. Lesi sitayela sokunamathisela senza kube nzima kubantu ukwakha ukuxhumana okujulile, okungokomzwelo. Isitayela sakho sokunamathiselwe singesinye sezindatshana izimpawu zokuthi awulungele ubudlelwano obubalulekile. Uma ubuza ukuthi, “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela?”, khona-ke iqiniso lokuthi awunaso isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelekile kungaba yimpendulo. 

4. Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela? Ngenxa yokungazethembi

Abantu abanokuzethemba okuphansi ngokuvamile bacabanga ukuthi abafaneleki futhi abalufanele uthando lothile. Ibonakala ngezindlela eziningi futhi ivula indlela yokungavikeleki kanye umona ebudlelwaneni. Uqala ukucabanga ukuthi awulufanele uthando lomlingani wakho noma ucabanga ukuthi awuthandeki ngokwanele kubo.

U-Jayant uthi, “Njengezingane, kunezinto eziyizigidigidi esingazazi.Sifunda njengoba sikhula.Sivame ukwenza amaphutha amaningi endleleni.Futhi lapho abantu osondelene nabo bekuhleka ngokwenza lawo maphutha noma beklolodela ngezinqumo zakho zokuphila,kuqeda ukuzethemba kwakho.

“Kulapho-ke usuqala ukuzibuza ukuthi ukufanele yini ukuthandwa umuntu, uzoqala uzibuze ukuthi lo muntu umthole ngenhlanhla yini.” Unalokhu kusaba ukuthi angase athande omunye umuntu futhi akushiye kulowo muntu. Usaba ukuthi bangase badlule uthando lwabo ngawe noma bathandane nomunye umuntu. Imizwa enjalo izalwa ngenxa yokuzethemba nokuntula ukuzethemba. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuzethemba okuphansi kuzala izinkinga zokuzibophezela kwabesilisa nabesifazane.

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5. Kungani unezinkinga zokuzibophezela? Ngoba unobunzima bokwethemba abanye

Uma unayo izindaba zokuthembela futhi ungumuntu okuthola kunzima kakhulu ukwethemba othile, bese usuyazi kakade impendulo ethi: “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela?” Yingoba uthola kungenzeki ukuthemba umuntu. Izinkinga zokwethenjwa zisuka ekwesabeni ukukhashelwa, ukulahlwa, noma ukuba yisisulu sokukhanyiswa ngegesi nokukhohlisa.

“Ngokwesibonelo,” kusho uJayant, “uma ushade kanye wabe usudivosa, kungase kuholele ezinkingeni zokuzibophezela kwabesilisa nabesifazane.” Balungisa indlela okungazange kuphumelele ngayo okokuqala, khona-ke kungafezeka kanjani okwesibili?

“Uma uthandana nomuntu ongazi ukuthi zilungiswa kanjani izinkinga zokuzibophezela, khona-ke uyosonta sonke lesi simo, angase ahlukane noma adale izimo lapho uphoqeleka khona ukuba umshiye. 

“Kodwa iqiniso ukuthi abantu abanezinkinga zokuzibophezela banephethini uphawu lobudlelwano obungenampilo. Ubudlelwano babo bangaphambili babunezisusa ezifanayo. Bazonjiniyela yonke into, futhi bahlukane ngaphambi kokuba izinto zibe zimbi. Kufana nombhalo abawulandelayo.”

6. Ukwesaba ukulawulwa

Lapho ngizibuza ukuthi kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela, impendulo kwaba lula ukuyithola. Ukwesaba ukuminza. Angithandi ukulawulwa. Ngangesaba ukuthi ngizolahlekelwa mina kanye nobuwena uma ngizibophezela kumuntu othile. Ukwesaba ukulawulwa noma ukulahlekelwa ukulawula kwaziwa ngokufaka isandla kukho umzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni.

Lokhu kwesaba ukulahlekelwa ukulawula nokulawulwa kuphezulu kakhulu uma usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele. Kungani umuntu engaba nezinkinga zokuzibophezela, uyabuza? Kungase kube nezizathu eziningi ezinjengokulahlekelwa umzali, ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo, ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa kwabazali, nokwesaba ukulawulwa.

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U-Jayant uthi, “Uma ufuna ukwazi impendulo nezisombululo zokuthi “Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela”, bese uzama ukuthatha izinyathelo zengane. Qala kancane. Nikeza othile isibophezelo esincane sokuthi uzojola naye. Bese uqhubekela phambili kancane kancane. Qala ukumbona kaningi, beka ijubane okhululeke ngalo. Chithani impelasonto ndawonye uma uthanda.

“Kancane kancane khulisa izinga labo lokuzibandakanya empilweni yakho, uma usuqala ukuzithanda futhi ungafuni ukujaha izinto, hamba nohambo ndawonye. ungalokothi uphuze kakhulu nge-adventure yokuvakasha nomuntu omthandayo. Kamuva, zama ukuhlala ndawonye isikhathi esingangesonto. Ngemva kwesikhathi eside, futhi uma usayithanda inkampani yabo, ungabacela ukuba bahlale ndawonye. Ungakwazi ngisho nokufinyelela iphuzu ekugcineni, lapho ubabuza ukuthi bafuna ukuba nokhiye wabo yini. Lokho kuzobazisa ukuthi usuluqalile uhambo lwakho lokuzinikela.”

Ngezansi kukhona amathiphu ochwepheshe ongawazama uma unezinkinga zokuzibophezela. 

1. Hlola ukwesaba kwakho

Uma ubhekana nokwesaba kwakho futhi ukuhlole, uzothola ukuthi lolu daba lokuzibophezela luvelaphi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubangelwa ukunganakwa kwabazali noma ukuhlukumezeka okudlule noma ukungakwazi ukwakha ukwethemba othile. Uma usuxazulule eyakho ukwesaba ubudlelwano, okunye kuzobonakala kulula. 

Ungabi ngaphansi kombono wokuthi uma unezinkinga zokuzibophezela, awukwazi ukuzixazulula. Ukwesaba yikho okukuqhubezela ekubeni wenze ubutha ngokuzibophezela kanye nobudlelwano obujulile. Uma ufunda ukulwa nalokhu kwesaba, kuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi ukuzinikela akuyona into esabekayo. Kuwumuzwa omuhle ukuba sebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside.  

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2. Funa ukwelashwa

U-Jayant uthi, "Impendulo yokuqala yokuthi ungazilungisa kanjani izinkinga zokuzibophezela empilweni ukufuna ukwelashwa. Kukusiza ukuthi ulethe yonke into ephepheni futhi ubheke yonke into ngombono ohlukile. Ikwenza umbe ujule. Maduze uzoba nezimpendulo ezingu-20 kokuthi "Kungani nginezinkinga zokuzibophezela?", futhi uzokwazi ukubheka ngayinye yazo ngokuqonda okusha ngesikhathi sokwelashwa. 

"Umelaphi uzokunikeza amabhamuza okuphepha lapho ukhululekile khona ekwahluleleni. Ungakhala inhliziyo yakho futhi uveze usizi nentukuthelo yakho. Bazokusiza ukucubungula futhi unqobe zonke izinkinga zakho." Uma ufuna usizo lochwepheshe ekubhekaneni nezindaba zokuzibophezela, iphaneli ye-Bonobology yabeluleki abanolwazi iwuhlelo kuphela. chofoza kude. 

3. Funda ukuxhumana

Uthi, “Funda ukuxhumana nawe kanye nophathina wakho.Yilokho okukhulula kakhulu ongakwenza.Khuluma nophathina wakho ngezinto ezikukhathazayo.Ziveze.Tshela umlingani wakho ngokwesaba kwakho ngaphandle kokulindela okuthile kuye.Uma ungazi ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani, funda izindlela zokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana.

Khumbula ukuthi lena inkinga yakho. Akuyena owakwakho. Okufanele ukwenze umlingani wakho inhlonipho nokuzwela emizweni yakho. Basizane siye phambili. Hlalani phansi nixoxe ngakho konke okuphathelene nobudlelwano benu.”

4. Yeka ukuqhathanisa

U-Jayant uthi, “Uma uqhubeka uqhathanisa izithandwa zakho zangaphambili nezamanje, kuzofaka ingcindezi enkulu ebuhlotsheni. Umuntu ngamunye unendlela ehlukile yokubonisa uthando lwakhe. Ngeke ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho wamanje akuthande njengoba kwenza isithandwa sakho sangaphambili. Lokho akulungile futhi kubeka amathemba angekho ngokoqobo. Kufana nokuthi awumnikezi umlingani wakho wamanje ithuba.

Ukuqhathanisa kubulala izinto eziningi. Futhi awukwazi ukuqhathanisa impilo yakho nempilo yomngane wakho olokhu ethumela izithombe ezinhle nomlingani wakhe ngaso sonke isikhathi. Sicela wazi ukuthi inkundla yezokuxhumana ayilona iqiniso. Awazi ukuthi kwenzekani ezimpilweni zabo ngaphambi nangemva kokufaka leso sithombe ku-inthanethi. Thola ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani nqamula isicupho sokuqhathanisa.

Konke okushiwo nokwenziwe, uma umuntu engafuni ukuzibophezela kuwe, ungamphoqi. Ukuphikelela kwakho kuzobancisha umoya. Uma kunguwe obhekene nezinkinga zokuzibophezela, sicela wazi ukuthi awudingi ukuba ozakwethu abagxumayo unomphela ngenxa yokwesaba ukuzinikela. Kuyenzeka uthole umaqondana ozohlonipha izidingo zakho akunike isikhathi sokululama. Ungabaxoshi ngoba bekuthanda futhi befuna ukuba nekusasa nawe.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.