- Faka unkosikazi, uphume wonke umndeni?
Bathi amadodakazi angamantombazane impilo yawo yonke kodwa amadodana angamadodana aze abe nomfazi. Lokhu kunganwetshwa ngisho nasebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabazalwane. Abazalwane ababili bavame ukuhlala njengabangane, bayasizana, bayaxabana kodwa babonisa ukunakekela nothando, kodwa konke lokhu kuqhubeka kuphela ngenkathi bengamasoka. Ngokushesha nje lapho umfazi engena, zonke izilinganiso ziyashintsha futhi ezimweni eziningi, hhayi okungcono.
Mina nomfowethu asikaze sibe nokungezwani ezinsukwini zethu zobusha. Sasingebona abangani abangcono kakhulu, kodwa sasingezona izimbangi. Ngenxa yomehluko weminyaka engu-5, sasingavamile ukuba nabangane noma izintshisekelo ezifanayo. Nokho, sasazi ukuthi sasiyomelana lapho kudingeka. Njengoba sikhula, sakhula ngokuhlukana, kodwa asizange sibe nabuzonda.
Lapho ngineminyaka engu-22, lapho ngiqala ukuhlanganisa iminyaka engu-17, umfowethu washada. Ngokushesha ngemva komshado wakhe, ngaya phesheya ngezifundo eziphakeme iminyaka engu-4 eyalandela. Ngemva kokubuya, izinto zaqala ukushintsha.
Izinto eziza kuqala ziyashintsha
Kusobala ukuthi izinto eziza kuqala kuye zashintsha. Njengomyeni okhathalelayo nobaba wamantombazane amabili athandekayo, umfowethu ufeza imithwalo yakhe yemfanelo ngaphezu kwalokho umuntu angakucabanga. Ngokuphambene, ukuthi izinto ezibalulekile kuye zashintsha akusho ukuthi ezami ziyafana nezakhe. Njengomfowethu ongashadile phakathi kwabo bobabili, ngangisahlala nabazali bami. Kuke kwaba nezikhathi lapho umama engaphathekile kahle edinga ukulaliswa esibhedlela. Ngaso sonke isikhathi kwakuyimina engangilala naye esibhedlela, kuyilapho umfowethu esala ekhaya nomkakhe. Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi nginephutha ngoba ngangingashadile.
Lapho unomfazi nezingane, ngokuqinisekile ziba yinto eza kuqala kuwe. Nokho, akufanele kube ngezindleko zobunye ubudlelwano bakho.
Lapho unomfazi nezingane, ngokuqinisekile ziba yinto eza kuqala kuwe. Nokho, akufanele kube ngezindleko zobunye ubudlelwano bakho.
Umamezala wakhe ugxambukela kakhulu
Akulimazi ukuhlala kahle nomama wentombazane yamaphupho akho. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi udala ukungezwani phakathi kwezelamani ezimbili. Ekamfowethu umkhwekazi ubephethe konke okwenzeka endaweni yakhe. Kusukela ekukhetheni izingubo zakhe kuya kumsizi wabo wasendlini, ekudleni ababekudla kanye nesikhathi okwakufanele babe nabantwana ngaso. Wayengahlala kanjani-ke kude nempahla yamadlozi okwakungowami nomfowethu? Wayefunela indodakazi yakhe yonke into futhi wakhohlwa kalula ukuthi ingxenye yakho konke okwakungokomndeni kwakungeyami. Le ntokazi ekhohlakele yagxambukela kukho konke futhi yamchitha ingqondo ukuze akholelwe ukuthi kulungile ukuhlwitha okwakungokwami okufanele. Ngokudabukisayo, akazange amvimbe ukugxambukela futhi akumangalisi ukuthi wayeba nesibindi ngosuku.
Usisi wami udale inkinga
Izintokazi zalapha ekhaya zenza indawo ezungezile yaba nobuthi kangangokuthi nathi esasingabangane saqala ukuzondana. Usisi wami wenza isiqiniseko sokuthi ngiyaxoshwa ebhizinisini lasekhaya futhi ngaphezu kwalokho wayeqinisekisa ukuthi ngiphuma edolobheni. Lapho ibhizinisi lasekhaya lingahambi kahle, watshela umfowethu ukuba athathe imoto yakhe ngezindleko zeholo lami. Njengoba ngikhula, izidingo zami zakhula. Ngasebenza kanzima ngilindele ukuthola ingxenye yami ebhizinisini, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi umfowethu wayeshadile, kwathathwa njengesidingo sokuthi izidingo zakhe zingaphezu kwezami ngakho nemali okwakungeyami, banikezwa yona. Kwaba sengathi umshado kwakuyilayisensi kamfowethu yokungigebenga emzini wami.
Namuhla ngemva kweminyaka engu-7 yalo mbango, ngise-Bangalore ngenkathi esePune. Asivamile ukukhuluma. Uma senza kanjalo, khona-ke sihlala silwa. Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi amadoda akhulile, akhulile angalubambi ucingo olufanele, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ashada nobani? Impela banabo ubuchopho nokukhuliswa kwabo okubatshela okuhle nokubi. Ebudlelwaneni bami nomfowethu ngavele ngazibuza ukuthi ngabe ukungena kukamfwethu noma ubhuti uqobo lwakhe kwasibhidliza ubudlelwano bethu?
Umona usenza sibe ngabantu - Kungani kulungile ukuba 'lowo muntu'
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Lokhu kubukeka njengenguqulo eyodwa yohlangothi lwezehlakalo.
Kungani abazali bakho bengagxambukelanga lapho ulahlwa ebhizinisini lomndeni. Kungani uzinikele ngaphandle kokulwa. Ekugcineni kukhona i-karma futhi umuntu uyovuna noma yini ayihlwanyelayo.
Ummm. Iwuhlobo oluvame kakhulu lwendaba yingakho kufanele uqaphele kakhulu lapho ukhetha umngane womshado? Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi lowo oshade naye akanawo umthwalo wemfanelo. Umuntu kufanele abe nomthwalo wemfanelo wokuphatha abazali bakhe.
Kulokhu ngibona sengathi insizwa ibingenangqondo nhlobo. Wabhidliza ubudlelwano bakhe namalungu omndeni wakhe. Bekungafanele avumele umamezala wakhe ukuthi abaphazamise kangaka empilweni yabo yangasese.
Angiqondi ukuthi umfana angavele angamnaki umama wakhe namanye amalungu omndeni wakhe kodwa ajabule ngempilo yakhe? Ingabe lelo cala alimbulali?