Izimpawu eziyi-15 zokuthi Uzobuyelana Ne-Ex Yakho

Ukuhlukana kungase kuzwakale njengokuphela komhlaba, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi kuba inkinobho yokumisa okwesikhashana, evumela isikhala sokuzindla nokukhula. Kodwa leli themba lokubuyisana lingakushiya uzibuza, “Ingabe i-ex yami izobuya?” ukukuvimba ukuthi uqhubeke. Sikweluleka ukuthi ubheke izimpawu ezibambekayo enizobuyelana ngazo ukuze unqume ukuthi kufanele yini ulinde isichibi noma uqhubekele phambili. 

Ukuze sithole ulwazi oluthile lochwepheshe ngalesi sihloko, sixoxe nodokotela wezifo zengqondo ohlala eCalifornia kanye nochwepheshe wezifo zengqondo, uDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwezokwelapha ngengqondo), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuthandana, kanye nezinkinga zokufanelana ngaphambi komshado. Ake sihlole lezi zimpawu nokuthi singaziguqula kanjani zibe yizinyathelo ezingasetshenziswa ukuze uthole ithuba lesibili lothando.

Izimpawu eziyi-15 zokuthi Uzobuyelana Ne-Ex Yakho

Ingabe nihlukane muva nje kodwa anikwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga ukuthi kukhona yini okungakaqedwa? Kuvamile ukuthi imibuzo efana nokuthi “Kungani nginomuzwa wokuthi uzobuya?” noma “Ingabe uzobuya?” ihlale isikhathi eside ngemva kokuhlukana. Uma ubona izimpawu zokuthi owayeshade naye useqala ukuthakasela futhi noma uzibuka ukhumbula izikhathi ezimnandi, kungasho ukuthi umnyango awuvaliwe ngokuphelele. Kusukela ekuhlanganeni okungalindelekile kuya ekushayweni okujwayelekile ebusuku, izimpawu zokuthi nizobuyelana zivame ukuvela ngezindlela ezincane kodwa ezichazayo. Ake sihlaziye lezi zinkomba bese sibona ukuthi indaba yakho nowayeshade naye “iyaqhubeka” ngempela.

1. “Nishayisana ngephutha”

Lokhu “kuhlangana” kungase kungabi yinto eyenzeka ngengozi nhlobo kodwa kungenye yezimpawu zokuthi owayeshade naye useqala ukuba nesithakazelo futhi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uhlangana naye esitolo sabo sekhofi esivamile noma ukubabona embuthanweni wabangane, lokhu kuhlangana kuvame ukukhombisa isithakazelo esiqhubekayo. Uma wena noma bona nihlela le mihlangano ngobuqili, kuyisibonakaliso esinamandla sokuthi owayeshade naye uzoninika elinye ithuba. Kusikisela isifiso esingashiwongo sokuhlala nisemzimbeni womunye nomunye, okubonisa ukuthi ukubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana kungase kungabi yinto engenakwenzeka.

2. Basenayo iphasiwedi yakho ye-Netflix

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Lokhu akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi kube lula. Uma besangene kuma-akhawunti akho, bagcina ukuxhumana—noma ngabe kubonakala kuyinto encane.” Bangase basebenzise lokhu njengezaba zokuthintana (“He, ubuke lolo hlelo olusha?”). Imikhuba emincane efana nalena ingabonisa izimpawu zokuthi owayeshade naye uzokunika elinye ithuba, njengoba elwela ukuhlukana ngokuphelele nobuhlobo.

3. Yonke i-meme ikukhumbuza ngabo

Ukubathumelela ama-meme noma amahlaya akukhumbuza ngobuhlobo bakho kuyindlela ephansi yokugcina ukuxhumana. Uma behlanganyela ngentshiseko, kungenye yezimpawu ezihlekisayo zokuthi uzobuyelana. Enye yezimpendulo zokuthi kungani abantu ababesanda kushada bebuya ukuba namahlaya ahlanganyelwe. Kwakha isibopho esivame ukusinda ekuhlukaneni, okuvule indlela yezigaba zokuhlangana kabusha nomuntu owayesanda kushada naye . Qaphela ukuthi bayayiphendula yini imizamo yakho yokugcina ubuhlobo buphila.

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4. Abangani bakho bafuna i-patch up

Uma abangani bakho beqaphela ukuthi usakhuluma kangakanani ngowakwakho, kuvame ukuba uphawu lokuthi awukakulungeli ukuqhubeka nempilo. Ukusabela kwabo kungabonisa nokukholelwa kwabo ekuvumelaneni kwenu. Uma besekela ukuhlangana kwenu, noma uma besikisela ukuthi ukuxhumana nomuntu wakwakho akuyona into embi, kufanelekile ukuhlola kabusha imizwa yakho nokuthi ukubuyisana yilokho okufunayo ngempela.

5. Baphendula ezindabeni zakho ze-Instagram

Uma owayethandana naye ehlanganyela ngenkuthalo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana , isibonelo:

• Ukuthanda okuthunyelwe
• Ukuphendula izindaba
• noma uphonsa ama-emoji

Kuwuphawu lwesimanjemanje owakwakho ukuthi usephinde waba nentshisekelo. Lokhu kusebenzisana okuncane kungase kubonakale kungabalulekile, kodwa ngokuvamile kubonisa umzamo wokuhlala uxhumekile. Qaphela uma ukusabela kwabo kudlula ukuthandwa okuvamile, njengokubeka amazwana kokuthile komuntu siqu, okungase kubonise ukuthi bahlola amanzi ukuze bathole ukubuyisana.

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6. Nobabili “nithola ukuvala” ngezingcingo zasebusuku

Izingxoxo ezingapheli zasebusuku, ikakhulukazi ngobuhlobo bakho, zingaba uphawu olukhulu lwemizwa engaxazululwanga. Uma lezi zingxoxo zimayelana nokuphinde ukhumbule izinkumbulo ezinhle kunokubhekana nokuvala, kuwuphawu oluqinile lokuthi owayeshade naye uzokunika elinye ithuba. Ubuthakathaka basebusuku buvame ukuveza iqiniso, okwenza kube lula ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo futhi kucatshangelwe nokuxhumana nomuntu owayeshade naye njengesinyathelo sokuqala sokwakha kabusha ubuhlobo.

Umsebenzisi weReddit wabelane ngohambo lwabo lokuhlukana nokulungisa izinto, “Mina nowayengumngane wami sabuyelana. Sobabili unyaka owodwa futhi asizange sibe nempi enkulu kodwa emavikini ambalwa waba kude nami wangitshela ukuthi kuningi okwenzekayo futhi kufanele azithole. Sahlala sixhumana, kwakufana ukuthumelelana imiyalezo ngokungahleliwe. Kodwa leyo miyalezo yayihlala ibuhlungu. Ngokushesha, ngamnika isikhala futhi waqala ukungithinta kakhulu.”

7. Ibhantshi labo kuseyizingubo zakho zokuzithokozisa

Ukugcina izimpahla zabo, ikakhulukazi izinto ozisebenzisa njalo, kubonisa ukungafuni ukuqhubeka nempilo . Lokhu kunamathelana ngokomzwelo kusebenza kuzo zombili izindlela. Uma bengakaceli ukuthi izinto zabo zibuyiselwe—noma uma begcine ezinye zakho—kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi nizophinde nibe ndawonye. Izinto zivame ukuba nenani elingokomzwelo, elisebenza njengezikhumbuzo zesibopho enabelana ngaso.

8. Bakuthumelela imiyalezo kuqala uma kwenzeka into ehlekisayo

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Uma owayekade ehlala ekhona ezama ukwabelana ngezikhathi ezihlekisayo noma ezibalulekile, kubonisa ukuthi basakwazisa ukuxhumana kwakho.” Lokhu kuziphatha kuphakamisa ukuthi uhlale ungumuntu ohamba kuye ukuze uthole ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo, uphawu olubalulekile owake wathandana naye uzokunikeza elinye ithuba. Ukuxhumana okunjalo kukhombisa ukuthi basakwethemba futhi bayawukhathalela umbono wakho, ngisho nangemva kokuhlukana.

9. Usuqale ukusebenzisa elithi “thina” futhi

Ukubhekisela ezinkumbulweni zesikhathi esidlule ngokuthi “thina” esikhundleni sokuthi “Mina” kubonisa ukuthi ingqondo yakho ayikashintshi ukuze izibone uhlukile kuzo. Lokhu kungabonisa ukunamathelana okuqhubekayo. Uma kuvela imicabango efana nokuthi, “Kungani nginomuzwa wokuthi uzobuya ?”, kungenzeka ukuthi uke wezwa owayekade ekhuluma naye esebenzisa elithi “thina” ngenkathi ekhumbula izinto ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule, futhi wakuqonda ngokungazi.

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10. Umama wabo usakufonela

Uma umndeni wabo uhlala uxhumana, kuwuphawu lokuvunyelwa kanye nendaba engakaqedwa. Kubonisa ukuthi ububalulekile empilweni yabo ngale nje kobudlelwano bothando . Uma umama wabo ekhuluma ngokunganaki ngowayengumlingani wakho phakathi nalezi zingcingo, kuwuphawu olungaqondile lokuthi owayengumlingani wakho useqala ukuba nesithakazelo futhi noma okungenani umndeni usekela ukubuyisana.

11. Izimpi zenu zimayelana “nekusasa” manje

Ukuphikisana ngezimo zesikhathi esizayo kunamaphutha adlule kuphakamisa ukuthi kusekhona ithemba nokuhlela okwenzekayo ngokungazi. Lezi zimpi zingaba mayelana:

• Izinketho zakho zomsebenzi
• Uthando lwakho luyaphila
• Noma kalula, izinhlelo ze-hangout

Lezi zingxoxo ezigxile esikhathini esizayo ziyizimpawu ezicacile owake wathandana naye uzokunikeza elinye ithuba, njengoba zibonisa imizwa engaxazululiwe nokucabangelana ukuze kubuyiswe ubudlelwano.

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12. Nobabili “nimatasatasa kakhulu ukuthi ningaphola nomunye umuntu”

Uma kungekho noyedwa kini othandana nabanye abantu ngempela, kuyinkomba yokuthi awutholakali ngokomzwelo komunye umuntu. Lokhu kuhlukaniswa okungakhulunywanga kungenye yezinhlobo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana , okuqhutshwa yinkolelo eyisisekelo yokuthi umnyango awukavalwa ngokuphelele. Ngakho-ke, uma izinkundla zabo zokuxhumana zigcwele izingcaphuno mayelana "nokwamukela ukungashadi" noma "ukuzinika isikhathi", kungaba uphawu oluhle lokuthi izinto zizolunga.

13. Abangane babo basathanda amapost akho

Uma abangani babo bezibandakanya nenkundla yakho yezokuxhumana, kukhombisa izinto ezimbili:

• Basakubona ngeso elihle, okusho ukuthi ayikho imizwa engemihle ekhona ngasohlangothini lwe-ex yakho
• Abangani basakusekela njengezithandani

Lokhu kusekelwa okungaqondile kuvame ukuveza imizwa yalowo owake wathandana naye, okwenza kube uphawu oluzwakalayo ukuthi lowo owayeshade naye uzokunikeza elinye ithuba.

14. Bakhumbula izintandokazi zakho 

Kungani abantu ababethandana nabo babuya, befika ne-snacks noma i-oda lakho lekhofi ? UDkt. Batra uthi, “Kuwumzamo ohleliwe wokuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Izenzo zokukhumbula ezinjengalezi zikukhumbuza okuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe futhi zingasebenza njengezihlahla zomnqumo ezicashile.” Lezi zenzo zingase zibukeke kanje:

• Ukwabelana ngengoma ongayithanda
• Ukuthumela ukudla okuthandayo
• Ikuthumelela ama-meme afana namahlaya akho

15. Yonke i-rom-com ikukhumbuza ngabo

Uma amamuvi nezindaba zothando ekwenza ucabange nge-ex yakho, kuwuphawu lokuthi awukakalungeli ukuqhubeka. Ukunamathiselwe kwakho okungaphansi kwengqondo kungesinye sezigaba zokuqala zomzwelo zokuphinde uxhume nomuntu owake waphila, okugqamisa ithemba lesiphetho esijabulisayo.

Amathiphu angu-7 Wokubuyelana Ne-Ex Yakho

Ngakho-ke, usuxazulule inkinga ethi 'Ingabe kufanele ngiphinde ngihlangane nomuntu wami wangaphambili?' futhi wanquma ukuyinika elinye ithuba. Manje inselele elandelayo ukuthola ukuthi ungambuyisa kanjani umuntu wangaphambili ngemva kokuhlukana. Ukubuyisana akukhona ukuphinda amaphutha amadala—kumayelana nokwakha kabusha ubudlelwano obuqinile nobunempilo . Ngaphambi kokungena, thatha indlela ecatshangelwe kahle. Hlola izenzo zakho, isikhathi, kanye nezinhloso zakho ukuze ugweme ukuvuselela izinkinga ezindala. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungokukhula komuntu siqu, ukuxhumana okuqotho, noma ukuhlonipha imingcele, lawa macebiso angakusiza ukuxazulula ukungabaza okungapheli njengokuthi uzobuya yini noma uzobuya ngemva kokungaxhumani futhi uqhubekele phambili ngokuhlakanipha.

1. Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo

Ngaphambi kokuzama ukubuyisana, cabanga ngendima yakho ekuhlukaneni. Ingabe kwakungenxa yokungakhulumisani kahle, ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo , noma izinkinga zomuntu siqu ezingaxazululwanga? Uma ube negalelo ezinkingeni, vuma amaphutha akho ngobuqotho.

• Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni segama elingacacile elithi “Uxolo uma ngikuzwise ubuhlungu,” zwakalisa ukuzisola okuqondile njengokuthi, “Ngiyazisola ngokungabi khona kwakho lapho ungidinga.” 
• Uma ungenzi kahle ekuxoliseni, bhala phansi amaphutha owenzile phakathi nobuhlobo futhi uzijwayeze ukusho ukuxolisa kwangempela.

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Ukuziphendulela kubonisa ukukhula nokuvuthwa, kuqinisekisa lowo owawushade naye ukuthi usulungele ubuhlobo obunempilo.Ngaphandle kwalesi sinyathelo, umjikelezo wamaphutha esikhathi esidlule ungase uphindaphinde, uphazamise noma yiliphi ithuba lokubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana.

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2. Isikhathi esifanele

Isikhathi sibaluleke kakhulu uma uzibuza ukuthi ungabuyela kanjani kumuntu oshadile . Uma besanda kuba nosuku olunzima noma beqale ukubona umuntu omusha, ukufinyelela umuntu kungase kubonakale sengathi abaqotho noma abakhathazekile. Ngokufanayo, ukushesha ukufika ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana kungabaqeda amandla. UDkt. Batra uyeluleka, “Naka isimo sabo esingokomzwelo. Ingabe bathumela okuqukethwe okukhuthazayo noma baxhumana nabangane abaseduze? Lokhu kungabonisa ukuthi bavulekele ukuhlangana kabusha. Ukusondela kubo lapho imizwa izinzile kwandisa amathuba engxoxo ephumelelayo.”

• Bheka inkundla yabo yezokuxhumana noma ukuxhumana okungajwayelekile ukuze uhlole ukulungela kwabo ngokomzwelo
• Khetha isikhathi esimaphakathi, njengempelasonto ntambama, ukuze uxhume kabusha

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3. Zithuthukise

Uma ukuhlukana kugqamisa ukushiyeka komuntu siqu, gxila ekuzithuthukiseni ngaphambi kokuzibuza, “Ingabe i-ex yami izobuya?”. Ingabe ubuvila bakho noma ukuntula isifiso sokuvelela kwadala ukungezwani? Ingabe ukungavikeleki okungaxazululiwe konakalise ubudlelwano? Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze uzisebenzele—noma ngabe lokho:

• Ukuthuthukisa imikhuba enempilo
• Ukuphishekela imigomo yomuntu siqu
• Noma ukukhuluma umthwalo wemizwa

Uma uzibuza, "Ingabe i-ex yami izobuya?" ukukhombisa ukukhula kungavuselela intshisekelo yalowo owake wathanda. Ngokwemvelo abantu bakhangwa yilabo abaphethe izimpilo zabo. Yabelana ngenqubekelaphambili yakho ngokucashile, njengokuthumela mayelana nokuzilibazisa, izimpumelelo zokuqina, noma izigigaba ezibalulekile ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.

4. Yiba mnandi, ungabi namahloni

Ukuhlekisa kungaqeda ukungakhululeki futhi kwakhiwe kabusha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo . UDkt. Batra uyaxoxa, “Ihlaya langaphakathi elifike ngesikhathi noma ukuphawula okunenhliziyo encane kungakhumbuza owayethandana naye ngezikhathi ezimnandi enabelana ngazo. Kodwa-ke, ukwenza ngokweqile—njengokumthumela imiyalezo nge-spam noma ukuzama kakhulu ukuhlekisa—kungabonakala sengathi kuyinto edabukisayo.” Esikhundleni salokho, sebenzisa amahlaya ngendlela efanele ukudala ubudlelwane obuhle futhi unciphise isimo sengqondo, uvula indlela yokukhulumisana okuvulekile.

• Isibonelo, phinda uvakashele ihlaya elabiwe noma inkumbulo ehlekisayo emlayezweni wombhalo, njengokuthi, "Uyakhumbula ngenkathi sizama ukwenza amakhekhe futhi sigcina sinenhlekelele yasekhishini?"

5. Khulumisana ngokucacile

Imiyalezo engacacile efana nokuthi “wyd?” noma “unjani?” ngeke iphazamiseke uma uzama ukulungisa ubuhlobo. Khuluma ngqo nezinhloso zakho nemizwa yakho. Bazise ukuthi ubulokhu ucabanga ngokuhlukana futhi ukholelwe ukuthi kungenzeka kube nokuxhumana okuqinile. UDkt. Batra uthi, “Ukucaca kubonisa inhlonipho nokuvuthwa, okuyicebiso elibalulekile lokuthi ungambuyisa kanjani owayethandana naye. Khuluma iqiniso, kodwa futhi vumela imizwa yakhe ivele ngokwemvelo.”

• Isibonelo, thumela umlayezo onjengokuthi, "Bengicabanga kakhulu ngathi futhi ngiyazibuza ukuthi ungavuleleka yini engxoxweni mayelana nokuthi simi kuphi."

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6. Bonisa, Ungatsheli

Enikeza iseluleko mayelana nendlela yokubuyelana nowayekade ewushade naye, uDkt. Batra uyeluleka, “Ukutshela owayekade eshade naye ukuthi usushintshile akwanele—izenzo zakho kumelwe zikusekele. 

• Isibonelo, uma uvame ukukhipha ibheyili ezinhlelweni, qinisekisa ukuthi uyasigcina isikhathi futhi uthembekile ekusebenzisaneni kwakho manje
• Hlela ukuvakasha nje futhi ulandele ngentshiseko ukukhombisa ukwethembeka nokuzinikela kwakho

Ukufakazela ukukhula kwakho ngezinguquko ezibambekayo kuzokwenza kube lula kowakudala ukwethemba izinhloso zakho.

7. Hlonipha indawo yabo

Ungase uxakwe umbuzo othi “Ingabe uzobuya?” kodwa ukweqa i-ex yakho akuyona indlela efanele yokuthola. Imibhalo eqhubekayo noma izingcingo zingabaqhubela kude, zibenze bazizwe becindezelwe noma becindezelwe. Kunalokho:

• Banike isikhathi sokucubungula imizwa yabo ngenkathi ubakhumbuza ngobukhona bakho ngobuqili
• Nciphisa ukuxhumana kwakho kube kanye noma kabili ngesonto ekuqaleni, ubanike indawo yokubonisa ngenkathi ugcina ukuthintana ngezikhathi ezithile

Ukulahlekelwa othile kuvame ukudinga ukungabikho kancane. Ukuhlonipha imingcele yabo kudala amandla anempilo futhi kubonisa ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo.

Imicabango Final

Ukuphinde uhlangane nomuntu owayekade ethandana naye kungaba uhambo oluzuzisayo uma ubuzwa ngokucabangisisa. Ngokuthatha isibopho, ukubeka isikhathi sokufinyelela kwakho ngokuhlakanipha, ukugxila ekuzithuthukiseni, kanye nokuxhumana ngokucacile, ungakha kabusha ukwethembana nokuxhumana. Imizamo ecashile nokho engaguquki njengamahlaya, ushintsho olusekelwe esenzweni, nokuhlonipha indawo yabo kungabhekana nokungabaza njengokuthi umuntu wami wakudala uzobuya noma uzophinde abuye. Khumbula, ukubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana kudinga isineke nokuzimisela kokubili. Ngaphambi kokungena, zibuze ukuthi ubuyela emuva nombono omuhle wakudala-futhi uqhubeke kuphela uma impendulo inguyebo oqinisekayo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.