35 Izimpawu Eziphazamisayo Zokukhanyiswa Kwegesi Ebudlelwaneni

Cabanga ngalokhu: Utshele umyeni wakho izikhathi eziningi ukuthi alungise isiqandisi ngaphambi kokuba abangani bakho bakuvakashele kule mpelasonto. Ukutshela ukuthi uzokwenza, kodwa lapho kufika impelasonto, ukusola konke, ethi, “Awuzange ungikhumbuze ngakho! Nokho, lolu uphawu olusobala lokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo olubizwa ngokuthi i-gaslighting, futhi sizokusiza ukuthi uhlole izimpawu eziphazamisayo ezingama-35 zokukhanya kwegesi kubudlelwano, njengalesi, ngalesi sihloko.

Ngaphandle kokuphendula umbuzo wakho othi “Kuyini ukushaqeka kwegesi ebudlelwaneni?”, sizokusiza nangezibonelo ezithile zokushaqeka kwegesi kanye namathiphu athile avivinyiwe okubhekana nawo, ngokubonisana nomeluleki uRuchi Ruuh (iDiploma ye-Postgraduate in Counseling Psychology), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezinkinga ezihlobene nokuthandana, ukungathembeki, izingxabano zomshado, kanye nesehlukaniso. Ngakho-ke, ake singene sihlole ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukushaqeka kwegesi ebudlelwaneni…

Kuyini I-Gaslighting Ebudlelwaneni?

Ngakho-ke, kuyini ukukhazimula ebudlelwaneni futhi kubonakala kanjani? URuchi uyachaza, “Incazelo yokukhazimula ebudlelwaneni ifana nokukhohlisa lapho umuntu oyedwa ephula khona umbono womunye umuntu ngeqiniso futhi abenze bangabaze imicabango yabo, izinkumbulo, nemizwa yabo, ngokuvamile kubenze bazizwe bedidekile. Bakha futhi iqiniso elingamanga. Umuntu okhazimula ugcina ezingabaza. Ukukhazimula kuvame ukubangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu kwengqondo futhi kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Kwenza isisulu sizizwe singavikelekile.”

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Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi igama elithi gaslighting lavela kufilimu yango-1944 ethi Gaslight, lapho owesifazane ephathwa kabi umyeni wakhe kangangokuthi ugcina elahlekelwe umqondo. Uqala ukungabaza iqiniso lakhe, noma umbono wakhe wokuthi izibani ekamelweni zifiphele noma cha, njengoba umyeni elokhu ewakhanyisa futhi ecisha.

Ucwaningo mayelana nokukhanyisa igesi luthole ukuthi kukhona ubudlelwano obubalulekile phakathi kwezici ze-Dark Tetrad (okungukuthi, ukuzikhukhumeza, amaqhinga kaMachiavellian, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, kanye nosizi) kanye nokwamukelwa kokukhanyisa igesi ebudlelwaneni obuseduze nokuthi amadoda ahlambalaza abalingani bawo kaningi kunabesifazane.

35 Izimpawu Eziphazamisayo Zokukhanyiswa Kwegesi Ebudlelwaneni

Ukukhanyisa ngegesi, njengoba sazi, kungaholela ekuhlukumezekeni okukhulu engqondweni yesisulu futhi kungaba nemiphumela yesikhathi eside. Ukuzethemba kwesisulu kungafinyelela esiqongweni esibi. Eqinisweni, izifundo eziningi zanamuhla mayelana namasu okukhanyisa ngegesi zihlole "ukuphathwa kabi kwenhlalakahle yengqondo nengokomzwelo yesisulu, kanye nomuzwa waso njenge-epistemic agent".

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Ngokufanayo, umsebenzisi we-Reddit washo lokhu ngesikhathi ekhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe nomlingani wakhe owayesebenzisa igesi: “Sasindawonye iminyaka engu-4. Ngangizakhela ukuzethemba kokukhuluma naye ngezinkinga engangizibona ebudlelwaneni, noma uma enze into engingayithandi, futhi sasilwa ngokuklabalasa okukhulu. Kwakuzoqala ngokuthi ngikhulume ngokuthula naye angiklabalasele, kuphele ngezinyembezi eziningi.

“Wayengithethisa angitshele ukuthi ngiyahlanya futhi ngiyasabela ngokweqile, wayevame ukusebenzisa imisho efana nokuthi ‘ngokusobala awukhumbuli okwenzekile ngoba akukhona okwenzekile’, ‘uziphatha njengesifebe esingenangqondo’ ‘lokho konke kusengqondweni yakho’ amanga amaningi nokukhashelwa kulobu budlelwano obunobuthi .” Njengoba ukukhanyiswa kwegesi kubuhlungu futhi kulimaza, kuphakamisa umbuzo, umuntu uzibona kanjani izimpawu zako eziyisixwayiso ekuziphatheni kwansuku zonke? Ukuze sikusize uthole izimpawu ezibomvu, sibhale izimpawu ezingu-35 eziphazamisayo zokukhanyiswa kwegesi ebudlelwaneni:

1. Bakwenza uzizwe uzwela kakhulu

URuchi uthi, “Ngokuvamile, umlingani okhanyisa igesi angakwenza uzizwe sengathi awukwazi ukwamukela ihlaya noma uphonsele inselelo ukusabela kwakho emazwini athile ahlabayo ngokudala ukudideka engqondweni yakho.” Kulokhu, bangase basho okuthile okuhlazisayo, bese kuthi lapho usabela, bangase baphendule ngemisho namazwi akhanyisa igesi anjengokuthi:

• “Awukwazi ukuthatha ihlaya.”
• “Bengidlala nje.”
• "Uzwela kanjani? Yeka ukuba yiqhwa."

2. Bakusola ngokusabela ngokweqile

Phakathi kwezimpawu ezingu-35 eziphazamisayo zokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni kukhona izinkulumo ezinjengokuthi,

• “Iphutha elincane leli. Kungani wenza into enkulu ngalo?”
• “Yeka ukusabela ngokweqile!”

URuchi uthi, “Lokhu kuwuphawu oluvelele lokushiswa kwegesi.

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3. Kukhona ukuphika imicimbi nezingxoxo

URuchi uthi, “Umlingani okhanyisa igesi angase azame ukuphika ukuthi kukhona okuke kwenzekile. Ungathola futhi ukuthi umlingani wakho uyaqhubeka nokuphonsa izitatimende ezikhanyayo kuwe, njengokuthi:

• “Akukaze kwenzeke lokhu.”
• “Ubuphupha ngakho?”
• “Awukuzwanga kahle.”
• “Ingabe ubune-hallucinating?”

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kungabangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu. Umlingani ohlukunyezwe yigazi angase aqale ukungabaza inkumbulo yakhe.

4. Ukuhlakanipha kwakho kubuzwa njalo

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezingu-35 eziphazamisayo zokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni yilapho ingqondo yakho ingabaza khona. URuchi uthi, “Ngokuvamile, umlingani ongakwazi ukukhulisa igesi angase ahlasele ukuzinza kwengqondo kwesisulu sakhe kanye nombono noma okuhlangenwe nakho.” Ngakho-ke, kulokhu, ungase ubezwe besho izinkulumo zokungakhululeki ezinjengokuthi:

• “Uyahlanya hamba uyobonana nomelaphi.
• “Kungani ungahloli ubuchopho bakho?”

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5. Usolwa ngokungavikeleki kakhulu

Umlingani noma umlingani okhanyisa igesi, ngokuhlukumeza kwabo njalo ngokomzwelo, akwenze uzizwe njengomuntu ongaphephile ngezikhathi ezithile. U-Ruchi uthi, “Ngakho-ke, noma nini lapho unenkinga ngezenzo zabo noma nomuntu abaxhumana naye, bazokwenza ubonakale uyinkinga futhi basebenzise amagama anenhlamba evuthayo.” Ngakho-ke, ungase uzwe imishwana ye-gaslighting evela kubo, njenge:

• “Uzicabangela izinto nje, bengingadlali naye.”
• “Wena ukuzizwa ngingalondekile kakhulu kulezi zinsuku. Kungani ungazisebenzeli?”

6. Uvame ukutshelwa ukuthi awubaqondi

U-Ruchi uthi, “Ozakwethu abakhanyisa igesi bavame ukukusola ngokungaqondi bona kanye nezinhloso zabo.” Ngakho-ke, ungavama ukuzwa ukuphawula kwe-gaslight kusuka kubo, njengokuthi:

• "Angikaze ngisho lokho."
• “Awungiqondi kahle.”

Bangase basho lokhu ngemva nje kokusho okuthile okucasulayo noma okulimazayo.

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7. Uvame ukusolwa ngokuqamba noma ukudala izindaba

Esinye sezibonelo zokukhanyisa igesi yilapho usolwa ngokucabanga ngezimo ezingamanga. URuchi uthi, “Uma othile ekukhanyisa ngegesi, angasho ukuthi upheka izindaba uma ubhekana naye ngento ekucasulile noma ekudelele .” Ngakho-ke, ungase ugcine uzwa lezi zisho zokukhanyisa igesi ezivela kumlingani wakho kaningi:

• “Yeka ukwenza izinto.”
• “Yeka ukuzama ukungenza ngizizwe nginecala ngokudala izimo ezingamanga.”

8. Bathi usola kakhulu

Uke watshelwa ukuthi uhlale usola? Uma unozakwethu osebenzisa amasu okukhanyisa igesi, kuvamile ukuzwa izitatimende zegesi ezivela kuye, ezifana nokuthi:

• “Uyi-paranoid.”
• "Phola! angizami ukukufihlela lutho."

URuchi uthi, “Lapho usabela lapho ungatshelwanga iqiniso noma okuthile okufihlelwe wena, mhlawumbe umhlangano oyimfihlo nowayeshade naye noma uxoxe nesithandwa, bangase basabele ngokuthi uyahlanya nje.”

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9. Bathi ukhohlwa izinto

“Ukhumbula kabi” — kuyisitatimende esingenacala, akunjalo? Kodwa singaba yingozi uma umlingani wakho osebenzisa igesi ukuze aphonsele inselelo inkumbulo yesisulu. Cabanga ngalokhu: Ube nengxoxo nomlingani wakho mayelana nokubuyisa izingane esikoleni ngoba une-client call ebalulekile yokuya kuzo ku-Skype. Kodwa bayawushaya indiva ngokuphelele umthwalo wabo wemfanelo. Esikhundleni salokho, umlingani wakho ukusola ngamanga ngokuthi ukhohliwe ukuthi uthe ngeke akwazi ukuqoqa izingane. URuchi uthi, “Lena yindlela umlingani osebenzisa igesi aphonsela inselelo ngayo inkumbulo yakho kanye nokubamba kwakho iqiniso lakho.”

10. Bahlale bekhomba amaphutha akho

Umuntu osebenzisa igesi uhlala ekukhumbuza ngamaphutha akho futhi angase abe nokugcona ngawo. Ngakho-ke, uzohlala unomuzwa wokuthi awufaneleki kuye. Lona umdlalo wengqondo abawudlalayo ukuze bakulawule. Umngane wami, u-Anthony, wake wangishiya ngikhuluma nami ngocingo futhi walandisa ukuthi wayehlatshwa kanjani ngumkakhe, uSusan. Wathi, “Akajabuli ngami. Kusukela ekukhetheni ihembe lami kuya ekudleni engiku-odayo, uthola amaphutha kukho konke. Angazi ukuthi ngenzeni.” Nokho, kwadingeka ngitshele u-Anthony ukuthi wayehlatshwa. Lesi esinye sezibonelo zakudala zokusebenzisa igesi.

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11. Wenziwa ukuthi uxakwe yinto ethile

Ngakho-ke, ngokuvamile uma ubamba oshade naye owenza okuthile okungalungile futhi ufuna izimpendulo kuye, isibonelo, ngokukopela noma ukuqamba amanga kuwe ngokuthile, bangase bakusole ngokuthi ugxile kulo mbono. Ungase uzwe ukuphawula kwe-gaslight kusuka kubo, njengokuthi:

• “Ukhathazeke kakhulu ngalokhu.”
• “Awukwazi ukuvele uyilahle bese uqhubekela phambili?”

URuchi uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi, ikakhulukazi uma kwenzeka ukungethembeki, kunzima ukukuyeka noma ukukhohlwa isigameko, njengoba silokhu sidlala engqondweni yakho.

12. Bathi uchaza izinto ngendlela engafanele

Ingabe la magama nezitatimende ze-gaslighting ezingezansi zizwakala zijwayelekile kuwe?

• “Uthatha izinto ngendlela engafanele. Bengingaqondile kanjalo.”
• “Uvele ukhiphe izinto emongweni.”

U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Lapho uhlale usolwa ngokuchaza izimo noma izingxoxo ngendlela engafanele, kunokuba uthole uxolo olukufanele ngenxa yokuthi uphatheke kabi, usuke uqiniseka ukuthi bakuhlambalaza.”

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13. Utshelwa ukuthi awukwazi ukuphatha iqiniso

URuchi uthi, “Abantu abathanda ugesi bavame ukuziveza njengabantu abathembekile futhi ababiza i-spade ngokuthi i-spade. Kodwa ikakhulukazi, akunjalo.” Benza lokhu ukuze esikhundleni sokuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ebudlelwaneni , basole isisulu ngokungavuthwa ngokwanele ukuba siphathe iqiniso. Manje, iqiniso lingavame ukufihlwa ngokuhlekwa noma ukugcona ngokubukeka kwabalingani babo, ukukhetha umsebenzi, noma umqondo wokugqoka.

14. Uvezwa njengomuntu ongenangqondo

“Uhlale ufuna izinkinga, awujabule nje?” Ingabe uvame ukuzwa lawo mazwi kumlingani wakho? Amathuba okuthi, bakukhanyisa. URuchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Abantu abanjalo abanandaba nawe kodwa bashaya sengathi banesimo sengqondo esihle kakhulu ukuba bangazinaki izinto ezikukhathazayo.” Ngakho, bangase:

• Angifuni ukuthi uveze izinkinga ebudlelwaneni
• Lahla imizwa nemicabango yakho, uyibize ngokuthi 'emibi'
• Mangalela ukuthi ugxeka kakhulu izinto

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15. Ubizwa 'ngofuna ukunaka'

Uke watshelwa kaningi ukuthi uzama ukufuna ukunakwa kuyilapho okuwukuphela kwento obuzama ukuyenza ukutshela umlingani wakho ngesigameko esikuhluphayo? URuchi uthi, “Uma usuveze isidingo sakho sokuqinisekiswa, futhi umlingani wakho emdelele noma emdelela, ekubiza ngokuthi ufuna ukunakwa, kungakwenza uzizwe sengathi izwi lakho alinandaba. Yile ndlela obona ngayo ukukhanyiswa kwegesi.”

16. Uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezingu-35 eziphazamisayo zokungathandi ucansi ebudlelwaneni ukuthi uzithola uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda . Uzokhathazeka futhi wesabe ukulimaza imizwa yomlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ungase wesabe ngisho nokuveza imicabango nemibono yakho ngemisebenzi yansuku zonke, njenge:

• Ebacela ukuthi bahlele iholidi
• Ukubatshela ukuthi udinga ukuvakashela abazali bakho ngempelasonto ezayo
• Ukubazisa ngohambo lomsebenzi

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17. Utshelwa ukuthi ungumuntu ongenangqondo

Ikhono lokuba sengozini komunye nomunye lingenye yezimpawu ezichaza ubudlelwano obunempilo . URuchi uthi, “Kodwa uma ukucela nje ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kwenza umlingani wakho akubize ngokuthi ‘umuntu ongenangqondo’, ungaqiniseka ukuthi bayakuhlambalaza nokuthi ubuhlobo bakho buyingozi. Bazama ukuguqula ubuthakathaka bakho bube yisizathu sokukwenza uzizwe kabi ngawe.”

18. Bakubiza ngo 'manipulative'

“Uzama ukungikhohlisa ngokungenza ngenze lokho ofuna ngikwenze.” — Wake wezwa umlingani wakho ekusho lokhu kuwe ngaphandle kwesizathu esibonakalayo? Nokho, uRuchi uthi, “Abantu abasebenzisa ugesi bavame ukuguqula amatafula futhi basole isisulu ngokusisebenzisa noma ukusikhohlisa ebudlelwaneni lapho bezama ukusenza siqonde izidingo noma imingcele yaso.”

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19. Ukushintsha icala kwenzeka kaningi

Uke wezwa kaningi umlingani wakho esho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Uyinkinga, hhayi mina”? Nokho, ukusola nokwenqaba ukuthatha amaphutha abo njengomnikazi kuyisibonakaliso esivamile sokukhanya kwegesi. URuchi uthi, “Lokhu kuwukuphambuka nje. Yile ndlela abakhanyisi begesi abalimaza ngayo iqiniso lakho futhi bakwenze ube nomthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zabo.”

Umsebenzisi we-Reddit uxoxa ngendaba yakhe yokuhlanjalazwa ngumkakhe: “…wayebeka izinto zakhe eceleni, bese engithethisa ngokuthi “ngizilahlile” noma ngizilahle – ngakho-ke kwakudingeka ngiphenye zonke izinhlobo zamakhabethe nezindawo, kodwa kube yindawo lapho ngangingenaso isizathu sokubeka khona into.”

20. Bakusola ngokuba nobutha

Nasi esinye sezibonelo zakudala zokukhanyisa igesi. Umngane wami, uNancy, wake walandisa ngesigameko esisangishaya lapho ngicabanga ngezibonelo zokushiswa kwegesi. Ube nengxabano nomlingani wakhe onolaka ngenkathi ezama ukulungisa izinkinga ebudlelwaneni bakhe.

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Kodwa wabe esesala ezizwa sengathi uyena onolaka. Umlingani wakhe waphuma ekamelweni, eshaya isicabha, kodwa ngaphambi kokuthi athi, “Usuzama ukuphinde nixabane. Lena indaba yakudala yokukhanyisa igesi, lapho bezama ukubalekela ukunikeza izincazelo ngokubeka icala lokuba nobutha kuwe.

21. Bayakwehlukanisa

Esinye sezimpawu eziyisixwayiso zokukhanya kwegesi ebudlelwaneni (kanye nalolo lwe-narcissistic personality disorder) yilapho umlingani wakho ezama ukukuhlukanisa nomndeni wakho, abangani, kanye nobathandayo. Ngale ndlela, bathola amandla futhi bangakuphatha ngokuqhubekayo, njengoba uzobe ungenayo isistimu yokusekela ongabuyela kuyo. Ngakho, bangase:

• Zama ukukuxosha engqondweni ukuqamba amanga kuwe mayelana nabangane bakho abaseduze noma umndeni
• Vimbela ekuhlanganeni nabathandekayo bakho

22. Bakubiza 'ngoswele'

URuchi uthi, “Kungenzeka ukuthi ufuna ngempela ukusekelwa phakathi nesikhathi sokucindezeleka, njengesimo esiphuthumayo sezokwelapha noma umhlangano obalulekile emsebenzini, futhi lapho ucela usizo kumlingani wakho, ungase uxoshwe njengomuntu oswele kakhulu noma othembele ngokweqile.” Ngakho, ama-gaslighters angase asho izinto ezifana nalezi:

• “Uswele kakhulu, yeka ukuncika kimi ngaso sonke isikhathi.”
• “Zimele. Ngeke ungicele ukuthi ngikujabulise ngaso sonke isikhathi.”

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23. Badlala 'isisulu'

“Ungenza ngibukeke ‘njengomuntu omubi’, akunjalo?” — Wake wamuzwa umlingani wakho ekusho lokhu kuwe kaningi? URuchi uthi, “Uzovame ukuthola umlingani okhanyisa igesi ekusola ngokumdweba kabi noma ukumveza njengesigebengu esikufanelayo.” Ngakho-ke, esinye sezibonelo zokhanyisa igesi yilapho bedlala isisulu ukuze bangasolwa ngezenzo zabo zonya.

24. Bathi wenza ihaba ngezinto

Uzakwethu okhanyisa igesi angase akwenze ukholelwe ukuthi iqiniso lakho alilona iqiniso ngempela. URuchi uthi, “Bayokwenza ukholelwe ukuthi wenza ihaba ngezimo nokuthi nguwe onephutha ngokuthonywa izinto noma izenzakalo.”

25. Utshelwa ukuthi awubongi

U-Ruchi ukholelwa ukuthi, “Wonke umuntu ufuna ukubonakala njengomuntu olungile. Ngakho, uma umlingani wakho ekutshela ukuthi awubongi, kungase kukwenze uzizwe umncane.” Lena enye indlela i-gaslighter ekuhlasela ngayo. Bakwenza uzizwe ungabazisi kanye nemizamo yabo ngokwanele.

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26. Bathi ulawula kakhulu

Esinye sezibonelo zokukhanyisa igesi yilapho bekulawula bese bekubiza ngokuthi uyalawula. URuchi uthi, “Ngokuvamile, uma ugcizelela imingcele yobuhlobo bakho nezinto ozithandayo, uthi uzokwenza noma ungenzi okuthile noma ukuthi akufanele bangakunaki noma balahle izidingo zakho, umlingani okukhanyisa igesi angase aphendule ngokushesha ngokukusola ngokuthi ulawula kakhulu.” Ngakho-ke, bangase bagcine besho izinto ezinjengalezi:

• “Ngeke ungenze ngenze lokho.”
• "Ungitshela kanjani ukuthi kufanele ngikwenze noma ngingakwenzi?"

27. Ubizwa ngokuthi 'inkohliso'

Lapho i-gaslighter izama ukwenza imicabango yakho ingasebenzi, bangase bakuphawule ngokuthi 'uyinkohliso' ukuze ungayinaki imicabango nemizwa yakho. Yebo, igama elithi 'inkohliso' yigama elinzima futhi u-Ruchi uthi, "Kungakha inhlanganisela yokungazethembi nokungathembeki engqondweni yakho, kukwenze uzizwe sengathi kukhona okungalungile ngawe."

28. Bakubiza ngokuthi 'umzwelo kakhulu'

Manje, lokhu kuyisibonakaliso sokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo. URuchi uyavuma, “Iningi labantu abeza kimi ukuze bathole ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana likhuluma ngabalingani babo abazwela kakhulu noma abathintekayo ngokomzwelo ngezenzakalo zansuku zonke.” Kodwa lokhu kusolwa kufana nokungathandi, ngoba:

• Ibeka uphawu lwemizwa yakho njengedlulele noma engafuneki
• Kusho ukuthi kufanele umgcine umama uma kunezinto okufanele zikhulunywe

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29. Abaziphenduleli

“Unesibopho, hhayi mina” — Lena enye yezinto zakudala ezishiwo abakhanyisi begesi. URuchi uthi, “Ukuguqula ukuzibophezela nokungathathi umthwalo wemfanelo ebudlelwaneni kuyisibonakaliso esivamile sokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni.”

30. 'Ukushisa nokubanda' ukuziphatha

Isibonakaliso esivelele sokukhanyiswa yigesi (kanye nesokuphazamiseka kobuntu obuzithanda ngokweqile ) yilapho ukuziphatha komlingani wakho kushintshashintsha khona. Ngakho-ke, bangase bakudumise ngelinye ilanga, bese bekugxeka ngosuku olulandelayo. Noma bangase bakubeke phambili ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye, bese bekulahla sengathi awusho lutho kubo. Lena empeleni indlela eklanywe ngokucophelela yokukugcina uxhumekile. Awusoze wabashiya, njengoba uzoqhubeka ulinde leso senzo sokuqinisekisa noma ukuqinisa okuhle ngezikhathi ezithile.

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31. Uhlale uxolisa

Uma impendulo yakho ezenzakalelayo kuyo yonke ingxabano noma ingxoxo nabo ithi “Ngiyaxolisa” noma “Bekungafanele ngenze lokho”, kuyinkomba ecacile yokuthi umlingani wakho ukukhanyisela. Isikhali esiyinhloko se-gaslighter sikwenza uzizwe kabi ngezenzo zakho futhi sicele uxolo kuwe.

32. Kunokushayisana okukhulu phakathi kwezenzo namazwi abo

Izenzo ze-gaslighter cishe azifani namagama abo. Yebo, bangabhuqa futhi basho izinto ezinkulu, kodwa nokho, lapho kuziwa ekugcineni izithembiso zabo noma ukufeza amazwi abo, bayotholakala bentula.

33. Banciphisa izwi lakho

Wake wamuzwa umlingani wakho esho lokhu okulandelayo kuwe?

• “Wenza izintaba ngemvukuzane.”
• “Akuyona into enkulu kangako!”

Nokho, ukukusola ngokwenza izinto ezingabalulekile zibonakale zinkulu noma ziphambene nezindinganiso kuyindlela yomlingani okhohlisayo yokunciphisa izwi lakho nokukhathazeka kwakho. URuchi uthi, “Bakwenza ubukeke njengesiwula ngokuzwakalisa izidingo zakho noma ukuveza imizwa yakho. Kunjengokungathi izidingo zakho azinandaba futhi ucela okuningi kakhulu .”

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34. Utshelwa ukuthi uyayithanda 'idrama'

Uma usazibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani uma umlingani wakho ekukhanyisa ngegesi, khumbula, umuntu okhanyisa igesi angase athi uyindlovukazi yedrama (noma inkosi), lapho ubekela inselele izenzo zabo ngobufakazi obuqinile. Ngakho-ke, ungase uzwe izinto ezinjengalezi:

• "Yeka ukuba amadrama."
• “Ungadali isigcawu.”

URuchi ukholelwa ukuthi, “Ngale ndlela, banciphisa imizwa yezisulu zabo ngaphandle kokuqinisekisa ukusabela kwazo .”

35. Uhlala ufuna ukwamukelwa

Isici esijwayelekile se-gaslighter ukuthi bangagqilaza ingqondo yakho. Kangangoba ungase uzithole usucela ukunakwa noma ukwamukele ngoba bekwenze ukholelwe ukuthi unephutha futhi bakwenzela umusa ngokuba nawe. Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungazi kanjani uma umlingani wakho ekukhanyisa ngegesi, naka ukuthi bakwenza uzizwe kanjani ngawe.

Indlela Yokuphendula Ekukhanyeni Kwegesi

Ngakho-ke, njengoba manje sesijwayelene nezimpawu eziphazamisayo ezingu-35 zokukhanya kwegesi ebuhlotsheni, ngezibonelo nemishwana ehlukahlukene yokukhanyisa igesi, awucabangi yini ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nalolu songo? Hhayi-ke, sizobheka ukuthi singasabela kanjani ekukhanyeni kwegesi, kulesi sigaba.

Ake siqale sibheke lokho umsebenzisi we-Reddit akushoyo ngobunzima bakhe bokubhekana nomlingani osebenzisa igesi: “Njalo lapho ngivumela enye yalezi zinto idlule ngaphandle kokumshiya, ngangizikhaphela futhi ngibuthakathaka ingqondo yami. Ungangiqondi kabi, ngangimbhekana naye. Ngazama ukumxosha ukuba avume ukuthi lezi zinto azinangqondo. Ngobuwula ngangikholelwa ukuthi kukhona izinga lapho kwakufanele avume khona iqiniso elihlanganyelwe nami. Lokhu akulona iqiniso. Ungayisa ihhashi emanzini kodwa awukwazi ukuliphuzisa. Ungaxoxa nomuntu onesifo sengqondo kodwa awukwazi ukubenza baxhumane.”

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Kodwa ingabe lesi simo sibuhlungu kangaka? Ingabe uzakwethu okhanyisa igesi akanakulawulwa nhlobo? Nokho, uRuchi uyaphika. Uzwa sengathi ungaphendula ekukhanyeni kwegesi ngendlela ephumelelayo. Kanjani? Usinika amathiphu ambalwa okubhekana nokukhanyisa igesi ebuhlotsheni:

• Yeka ukungabaza wena: Ukuze ubhekane nomlingani we-gaslighting, kufanele uyeke ukungabaza futhi uqaphele iqiniso lakho siqu. U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Kufanele uthembele ekwahluleleni kwakho ngokuzethemba ngokwanele futhi usho izinto ezinjengalezi: “Ngiyakwazi engikubonile. Ungangenzi ngingabaze ukuthi ngiphilile ekhanda.” Khuluma ngeqiniso lakho futhi ukhulume ngakho Gwema ukukhuluma kabi futhi ungazizwa unamahloni
• Gcina ijenali: Bhala ijenali yansuku zonke, ugcine irekhodi elibhaliwe lezenzakalo zansuku zonke. U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Ngakho-ke, manje, ungaphenduka uthi, “Bheka, i-akhawunti yakho ayifani neyami, angizicabangeli izinto.” Lokhu akukhona ukugxeka noma ukubekela inselele uzakwenu okhanyisa igesi kodwa ukucacisa ukungabaza kwakho lapho uphonselwa inselelo.
• Beka imingcele yakho kwesokudla: Kubalulekile ukubeka imingcele kubo bonke ubudlelwano, futhi ngisho nangaphezulu ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo. U-Ruchi uyeluleka, “Zama futhi ubeke imingcele eqinile futhi ukwazi ukusho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ngeke ngibekezelele ukuxhashazwa kanje” noma “Nginalobu bufakazi lobu akulona iqiniso.” Qaphela izidingo zakho futhi ugweme noma yikuphi ukusabela okungokomzwelo.
• Funa usekelo kunethiwekhi ethembekile: Yiba phakathi kwabantu abesekayo, kungaba umelaphi, amalungu omndeni, iqembu lokusekela, noma abangani. U-Ruchi uthi, “Kufanele ube nenethiwekhi ethenjwayo ekunikeza ukusekela nokuqinisekisa. Laba ngabantu okufanele bakwazi wena noma iqiniso lakho, abahlale bekubekela inselele, futhi abakwaziyo ukukubonisa ukuthi uyakhohliswa. Ukuchitha isikhathi nabo kuzophinde kunikeze ukukhululeka kwengqondo okudingekile kakhulu.”
• Phumula: Kutuswa ukuthi uhlehle futhi uthathe ikhefu lapho uhlala wesaba ukungqubuzana nozakwenu okhanyisa igesi. URuchi uthi, “Lapho nibe nengxabano eshubile futhi ningakwazi ukucabanga kahle, thatha ikhefu bese niqoqa imicabango yenu.
• Zifundise: Uma wazi okwengeziwe mayelana ne-gaslight ebudlelwaneni, yilapho uzokwazi ukumelana nakho. URuchi uyasikisela, “Thola usizo oluthile lochwepheshe, khuluma nomelaphi, ubukele ama-video, futhi ufunde izincwadi ezikhuluma ngaleli qhinga lokukhohlisa ingqondo, futhi khumbula ukuthi awuwedwa.”

Ngalesi sihloko, sizame ukukusiza ukuthi ubone izimpawu eziphazamisayo ezingama-35 zokukhanya kwegesi ebuhlotsheni. Ukukhanyisa igesi kuwumdlalo oyingozi wokulawula nokukhohlisa futhi cishe njalo ugcina ngokuthi umuntu oshiswe ngegesi elahlekelwa ingqondo yakhe nomuzwa wokuzethemba. Kodwa ngamathiphu ashiwo esihlokweni sethu, uzokwazi ukuphatha umlingani we-gaslight ngokuphumelelayo.

Khumbula, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo, kungaba ngokukhanyiselwa igesi noma cha, kungabangela izinkinga zempilo yengqondo zesikhathi eside futhi kungadlulela ekuhlukunyezweni kwasekhaya. Uma uzwa sengathi ukulungisa nozakwethu we-gaslighting akufanelekile, kungakhathaliseki izinga lakho lokutshala imali ngokomzwelo, zizwe ukhululekile ukulahla. Phela, uphila kanye kuphela. Ngakho-ke, yeka ukwenza izaba, zazise ukuzethemba kwakho, futhi khumbula, uwena kuphela umuntu ongazisiza uphume kulolu bishi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.