Ubambiswano Lwasekhaya vs Umshado: Umehluko & Izinzuzo

Umehluko phakathi kobudlelwane basekhaya ngokumelene nomshado e-US kufanele ube ukufundwa okubalulekile kulabo abasebudlelwaneni obunzima nobesikhathi eside. Uma udidekile ngokushada nomuntu, zama ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphansi kwesivumelwano esisemthethweni esivumela abantu ababili ukuba bahlale ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa ngaphandle kokushada. Yebo, leso isimo sobudlelwano beminyaka entsha ongasithola, futhi sikusiza ukuthi ujabulele izinzuzo eziningi. Ubudlelwane basekhaya bungenye yezindlela eziseduze kakhulu zomshado ongazikhetha njengoba kunikeza ezinye zezinsiza ezifanayo ezenziwa umshado, nokho akubopheli ngokuphelele.

Uma unenkinga yokuqonda umehluko phakathi komshado nobudlelwane basekhaya, lesi yisiqephu esikufanele usifunde. Lapho ebuzwa kwa-Reddit ukuthi ukusebenzisana kwasekhaya kuwumbono omuhle, okukodwa umsebenzisi wabelane, "Ukumisa ubudlelwano basekhaya ngaphambi komshado kungaba yinzuzo kubo bobabili abathintekayo. Kuyisivikelo senu nobabili ngaphambi kokuba nishade ngempela." 

Futhi nakuba i-Reddit ingase ibe i-grail engcwele kwezinye izimpendulo, kufanele futhi sivumele ochwepheshe bahlole. Ukuze uqonde kahle ukuthi lolu hlobo lohlelo lubandakanyani, khulumela Siddhartha Mishra (BA, LLB), ummeli osebenza eNkantolo Ephakeme yase-India, ulapha ukuze asihlukanisele yona. Ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi, masingene kuyo.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukubambisana Kwasekhaya?

Ngokuvumelana ne Umthetho waseCalifornia, ubudlelwano basekhaya buchazwa ngokuthi “abantu abadala ababili abaye bakhetha ukuhlanganyela ukuphila komunye nomunye ebuhlotsheni obuseduze nobuzibophezele bokunakekelana.” Lo mthetho wasungulwa ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni kwawo-1980 kwabashadile bobulili obufanayo ngenxa yokuntuleka kokulingana komshado. Nansi imibandela yobambiswano lwasekhaya:

• Ozakwethu kufanele babe ngaphezu kweminyaka eyi-18 futhi kufanele bavume ngokuzithandela ukungena ebudlelwaneni basekhaya
• Umbhangqwana kufanele uzinikele futhi uhlale ndawonye
• Akufanele bashade ngokomthetho noma ngokwenkolo 
• Bangaba nezingane ndawonye
• Akufanele bashade nanoma ubani omunye
• Akufanele babe nomunye umlingani wasekhaya
• Kumelwe babelane ngemithwalo yemfanelo yezindleko zokuphila
• Abalingani basekhaya abakwazi ukuhlobana ngegazi

Is ubudlelwano basekhaya okufanayo nomshado womthetho ovamile? Akunjalo Empeleni. Kodwa umbhangqwana ungajabulela izinzuzo ezithile ezitholwa umbhangqwana oshadile. USiddhartha uyachaza, “Umlingani wasekhaya angachazwa kabanzi njengomuntu ongahlobene futhi ongashadile ohlala ndawonye nesisebenzi futhi uhlala ebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele, obuseduze obungachazwa ngokomthetho njengomshado umbuso abahlala kuwo. Ubambiswano luhlanganisa abantu ababili bobulili obufanayo noma obuphambene.”

Abantu abaningi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bakhetha kanjani ubulili, bakhetha ubudlelwano basekhaya manje ngoba bufana ncamashí nomshado. Uma wena nozakwenu seningena ebudlelwaneni nisebenzisa Isivumelwano Sobambiswano Lwasekhaya, ningabeka imininingwane yezezimali, impahla, impilo, kanye nezokwelapha yobudlelwano benu, futhi njengabalingani basekhaya, ningase nijabulele izinzuzo ezithile ezingokomthetho.

UDiana, usosayensi oneminyaka engu-34 ubudala, uchaza ukuthi kungani ekhethe ubudlelwano basekhaya esikhundleni sokushada, “Kunzima ‘ukusuka’ emshadweni kunokushada. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 3 Amakhono Abalulekile Okusindisa Umshado Wakho Nokumisa Isehlukaniso

Ukufana Phakathi Kobudlelwane Basekhaya Nomshado

USiddhartha uthi, "Ubudlelwane basekhaya abufani nomshado, kodwa buhlinzeka ngezinzuzo ezifanayo. Ezinye izifundazwe zibhekisela esikhungweni njengenyunyana yomphakathi. Kodwa incazelo yobudlelwane basekhaya noma inyunyana yomphakathi iyahluka ukusuka edolobheni noma isifunda kuya kwesinye."

Ukuze siqonde ubuhle nobubi bomshado uma uqhathaniswa nobudlelwano basekhaya, sidinga ukubheka ukuthi ngayinye yalezi iletha ini etafuleni. Ngandlela thize, ubudlelwano basekhaya buthatha ikhekhe. Kwamanye, umshado ubonakala njengesimo sobudlelwano esinengqondo ongasikhetha. Kodwa ngaphambi kwakho konke lokho, kufanele siqonde isisekelo esiyinhloko salokhu budlelwane obuhlanganisayo. Zibukeka kanjani futhi zizizwa kanjani?

1. Waziwa emehlweni omthetho

"Ingabe intombi ingumlingani wasekhaya uma ihlala nami?" kubuza omunye wabafundi bethu. Ngenkathi a ubudlelwano bukhoma kungase kubonakale njengomshado, kumelwe ucabange ukusebenzelana kwasekhaya njengesisekelo esiphakathi phakathi kwesimo sokuphila nomshado. Kunemithetho embalwa ebudlelwaneni basekhaya ekugcina uboshelwe komunye umuntu, ngaphandle nje kokuhlukanisa ibhili yerenti negilosa - okwenza usondele kakhulu emshadweni ngokwencazelo.

USiddhartha uphakamisa ukuthi, "Ubudlelwane obuhlala ngaphakathi noma ukuhlalisana okungashadile kowesilisa nowesifazane bekugxilwe kubacwaningi abaningi bezenhlalo kanye nabezomthetho eminyakeni engamashumi amabili edlule. Kuhluke kancane ebudlelwaneni basekhaya. Ngokungafani nomshado, ebuhlotsheni obubodwa, imibhangqwana ayishadile kodwa ihlala ndawonye ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo olufana nobuhlobo obufana
umshado. Ngamanye amazwi, kulula ukuwenza lula futhi sikubize ngokuhlalisana.”

2. Ukuhlukana kubonakala kufana

Yize emaningi amalungelo angokomthetho umuntu angawathola ebudlelwaneni bomndeni, okugqamayo wukuthi ngisho isehlukaniso singabukeka sifana nokuhlukanisa abantu basekhaya. Siyazi, siyazi, uze lapha ufuna ukuqonda ukuthi iyiphi indlela elula yokuhlala nomlingani wakho futhi ungamshiyi. Kodwa sizwe futhi ungase usibonge ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, njengoba lokhu kungaba ukucatshangelwa okubalulekile esinqumweni sakho sokukhetha umlingani womshado vs umlingani wasekhaya.

Ezifundeni eziningi ezihlanganisa neCalifornia, noma yini etholwa emshadweni ingahlukaniswa ngama-50–50 uma kwenzeka isehlukaniso. Kuyamangaza ukuthi amalungelo obudlelwane basekhaya avumela umuntu into efanayo, uma kwenzeka kuhlakazwa. Ngakho-ke ungase ungahambi nenhliziyo ephukile kuphela.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 3 Amakhono Abalulekile Okusindisa Umshado Wakho Nokumisa Isehlukaniso

3. Uthola umshwalense wezempilo kuzo zombili izimo

Uma kuziwa kumshwalense wezempilo, njengabalingani basekhaya, ninelungelo lazo zonke izinto ezifanayo ezingatholwa umbhangqwana oshadile. Yize lokho nakho kuzohluka kuzo zonke izifundazwe, kunezinhlinzeko ezibanzi zakhona ezingavumela umbhangqwana ukuthi ufune izinzuzo zezempilo. Futhi zonke izingane zabo zizoyithola.

Ngokwesibonelo, eSifundazweni SaseNew Jersey uthi, “Inhloso yoMthetho ukuphatha abalingani basekhaya babantu abakhavwe njengabashade nabo ngezinjongo zokuhlinzeka ngomshwalense wezempilo. Ngokunjalo, uma ingane yomngane womshado yemvelo, yokutholwa noma yokutholwa izokhava, izingane zomlingani wasekhaya nazo zizokhavwa ngendlela efanayo.” Leyo yindlela nje eyinkimbinkimbi yombuso ekutshela ukuthi, yiba nomndeni ojabulayo!

4. Ungawathola amalungelo ezindlu

Uma ufuna ukukhetha ubudlelwano basekhaya esikhundleni sokushada ngokusemthethweni, qhubeka. Ngoba uma kuziwa ekutholeni indlu ndawonye, ​​njengabalingani basekhaya, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi imibhangqwana yobulili obufanayo noma cha - ungakwazi ukugomela ngokukhululekile isimo sakho njengombhangqwana owaziwa ngokomthetho futhi lokho akufanele kufake noma yikuphi umzamo emizamweni yakho yokuthola indawo. Umthetho Wobambiswano Lwasekhaya uqaphela ukuhlukahluka kokucushwa komndeni, ukuze ukwazi ukuphila izimpilo zakho ekhaya olithandayo.

Ukuqonda Umehluko Phakathi Kobudlelwane Basekhaya Nomshado

Manje ake singene siqonde engxoxweni yomlingani nomlingani wasekhaya. Ingabe ubudlelwano basekhaya buyafana nomshado osemthethweni? Ingabe isoka liwumlingani wasekhaya?

Ukuhlala ndawonye nomlingani wakho noma isoka lakho njengabantu ohlala nabo kuyinto ehlukile futhi ayifaneleki ngaso sonke isikhathi njengoba nina nobabili ningabalingane basekhaya. Yebo, kufanele uzibandakanye nomlingani wakho kwezothando ukuze ufanelekele ubudlelwano basekhaya. Futhi kufanele nihlale ndawonye endaweni yokuhlala unomphela futhi nihlanganyele izibopho zezezimali eziyisisekelo njengokudla nendawo yokuhlala. Kodwa lokho kungase kungabi ubudlelwano obusemthethweni emehlweni omthetho.

Phakathi kobambiswano lwasekhaya vs umshado, inselele enkulu yangaphambili ukuthi akuzona zonke izifunda ezenze ubudlelwano basekhaya busemthethweni. Ngakho-ke noma ngabe wabelana ngayo yonke into kusukela kusixubho sakho kuya ekubeni ne-akhawunti yasebhange eyabelwe, umbuso ungase ungakuboni njengozakwethu basekhaya abagcwele. Nakuzinsuku zanamuhla, amanye amalungelo obudlelwano basekhaya ayaphazamiseka. Abanye abantu abangama-orthodox kanye ne-queerphobic ababuthathi ngokungathi sína ubuhlobo basekhaya. Kodwa-ke, ezifundeni ukuthi empeleni kusemthethweni, nansi eminye umehluko phakathi kobudlelwane basekhaya nomshado:

1. Amalungelo ezingane ngokomthetho

Kubalulekile ukwazi lokhu uma ufuna ukukhetha ubudlelwano basekhaya futhi uzimisele ngokuba nezingane. Kunomehluko omncane kakhulu wezomthetho kumlingani wasekhaya vs umlingani oguqukayo. Owokuqala awuthathwa njengomndeni ngokomthetho. Umehluko omkhulu wukuthi umbhangqwana oshadile uthola isivikelo esengeziwe ngumthetho, kuyilapho ubuhlobo basekhaya bunyanyiswa abantu abagcina imithetho. Ngakho nakuba ningenawo wonke amalungelo afanayo njengombhangqwana oshadile, akhona ambalwa angavikela umkhaya wenu. Nansi eminye imithetho evamile kumlingani wasekhaya ngokumelene nesimo somlingani:

• Umlingani wasekhaya angakhokhela isondlo sengane noma enye isondlo esifanayo ngaphandle kokushada
• Uma umlingani wakho wasekhaya enengane, ungayithola ngaphambi kokushada 
• Ingane ezalwa ophathina ababili ebudlelwaneni basekhaya iphathwa njengezingane ezizalwa umbhangqwana oshadile

2. Izinzuzo zentela zozakwethu basekhaya

Izintela ziphakeme kakhulu kwabashadile. Engxoxweni yobudlelwano basekhaya neyomshado, owokuqala uthatha umklomelo lapha ngokugwema isijeziso sentela okufanele umbhangqwana oshadile usikhokhe. 

UTim, oneminyaka engu-29 osebenza ebhange lokutshala izimali, uthi, “Ngakhetha ukuba nobuhlobo bomkhaya ngoba ngangifuna ukuhlala nomngane wami womshado ngaphambi kokuba ngishaywe ngokusemthethweni. Akuyona ihlaya, uTim uyawina kulo mdlalo. Uthola umuntu wakhe FUTHI bonge imali ukuze bamoshelane!

3. Umehluko wezindlu noma impahla 

Okunye ubudlelwano basekhaya uma kuqhathaniswa nomehluko womshado yilokhu: uma nihlela ukuthenga indlu noma indawo ndawonye (ngobambiswano lwasekhaya), kuzodingeka nidlule ebunzimeni obuningi uma niqhathaniswa nabashadile. Umuntu oyedwa kuphela ongafaka isicelo semali mboleko. Kuzodingeka usayine isivumelwano sempahla yokuhlalisana ukuze uzivikele lapho ubuhlobo buqala ukupela inhlekelele. Kodwa izinto zomshado ziwumoya nje.

Uma ushadile, izakhiwo zomlingani wakho zizodluliselwa kuwe ngokuzenzekelayo futhi akudingeki ukhokhe noma yiziphi izintela kulezo zakhiwo. Nakuba kubambiswano lwasekhaya, izakhiwo zizodluliselwa kuwena kodwa kuzodingeka ukhokhe izintela. Kuthathe kuchwepheshe:

USiddhartha uthi, "Abalingani basekhaya ababhalisiwe nabashadile bobulili obufanayo bangazithola sebesempambanweni yentela ngesikhathi sokufaka isicelo. Umehluko phakathi kokuqashelwa kombuso wobulili obufanayo kanye nobudlelwane basekhaya kungadala izinselelo imibhangqwana eshadile enobulili obufanayo engabhekananga nazo. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi, kusukela ngo-2014, akuzona zonke izifundazwe eziqaphela abantu bobulili obufanayo, ngakho-ke abantu bobulili obufanayo. bangathumela kuphela izimbuyiselo zentela kahulumeni ezisekelwe emithethweni yezwe lapho behlala khona. Futhi, ngisho noma abalingani basekhaya bengakwazi ukufaka imbuyiselo yentela yezwe ngokuhlanganyela, bangafaka kuphela izimbuyiselo zentela yombuso ngamunye ngaphandle uma beshadile ngokusemthethweni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Umshado Ubalulekile – Lokho Okuzuzayo Uma Uqhathanisa Nalokho Okulahlekelayo

4. Umehluko wezinzuzo zezimali ebudlelwaneni basekhaya vs umshado

Lona omunye umehluko oyinhloko phakathi kokuba abalingani basekhaya kanye nokushada, ngakho funda ngokucophelela. Ngisho noma uthola uhlobo oluthile losekelo lomlingani womshado kulolu hlelo, ozakwethu basekhaya abawutholi umhlalaphansi noma ezinye izinzuzo zokuphepha komphakathi njengoba kwenza umbhangqwana oshadile. Lapho ngibuza uzakwethu, uMason, ngemibono yakhe ngomlingani wokuphila ngokumelene nomshado, wathi kimi, “Imikhawulo yezinzuzo ezinjalo zomhlalaphansi yingakho abantu abaningi bekhetha umshado kunobudlelwano basekhaya.Kudingeka bavikele ikusasa labo.

“Ngisho nezinkampani zomshwalense azikuthathi lokhu njengomshado osemthethweni. Abashadile bajabulela izinzuzo eziningi kunomuntu ongashadile. Awukwazi ukudlulisela impahla yakho kubo ngaphandle kokukhokha intela enkulu. Cabanga ngakho ngale ndlela. Uthathwa njengento ebalulekile emehlweni ombuso uma ukhetha ukushada nomuntu, futhi lokho kuthinta ezezimali zakho futhi lokho kungaba ngcono kumuntu. ubudlelwane besikhathi eside. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kukhona zonke izinhlobo zezinye izinkinga ongangena kuzo.

USiddhartha uyasitshela, “Ngokungafani nabashadile, abalingani basekhaya abakwazi ukufunana ngokomthetho njengomndeni. Lokhu kusho ukuthi bangase bangakwazi ukufuna amalungelo omndeni afanayo nabashadile, okuhlanganisa nekhono lokuthatha abantwana. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi abalingani basekhaya abaqashelwa ezingeni likahulumeni, umlingani oyedwa akakwazi ukucela umlingani wakhe ongesona isakhamuzi ukuthi ahlale e-United States, angakwazi ukushada nomuntu ongesona isakhamuzi saseMelika. yokuhlala.”

Ngakho-ke cabangela lolu hlobo lwezinzuzo zezezimali kanye nezinzuzo zokuthatha umhlalaphansi zokushada ngaphambi kokuba nizinze kubambisene basekhaya. Lokhu kubalulekile okumele ucabange ngakho lapho uhlola ubuhle nobubi bomshado uma uqhathanisa nobudlelwane basekhaya.

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Izinzuzo Zitholakala Ebudlelwaneni Basekhaya

Umqondo wobudlelwane basekhaya wawuklanyelwe ukunikeza abantu abazibophezele ithuba lokuphila njengemibhangqwana eshadile, futhi bajabulele lokho okungase kuzwakale njengokushada ngokomthetho. Nakuba kungase kube nezizathu ezithile zokulahla umbono futhi ubophe ifindo, kunezindlela ezimbalwa ongaba abalingani basekhaya futhi ujabulele ukuphila obukufuna ngaphandle kwezintambo ezinzima. Kunezinzuzo eziningi zomthetho zezomnotho nezingezona ezomnotho ongazithola ebudlelwaneni basekhaya, kanye namalungelo alandelayo obambisene basekhaya:

• Ukugwema intela yomshado: Isijeziso somshado yilapho inkokhelo yentela yomndeni inyuka ngenxa yombhangqwana oshadayo futhi ugcwalise izintela ngokuhlanganyela. Le ntela ayisebenzi kozakwethu basekhaya

• Izinzuzo zezempilo namazinyo: Impilo yakho kanye nezinzuzo zaseSenegal zizokhava uma unomlingani wasekhaya wanoma ibuphi ubulili

• Amalungelo asemthethweni ezingane: Ingane ezalwa abazali ngobudlelwane basekhaya iphathwa njengezingane ezizalwa umbhangqwana oshadile ngakho-ke kunikeza umbhangqwana amalungelo afanayo nokuthi ushadile. Ngale ndlela, usebenzisa i- izinzuzo zokungashadi futhi usengakwazi ukudala umndeni

• Ilungelo lokwamukela: Uma ingane izalelwe umlingani ohlukile, unelungelo lokuthatha ngokomthetho ingane yomlingani wakho wasekhaya okuyenza ibe enye yezinzuzo ezitholakala kubambiswano lwasekhaya.

• Izinzuzo zezempilo kubambiswano lwasekhaya: Unelungelo lokuthatha izinsuku zokusebenza ezifinyelela kweziyisihlanu zilandelana zelivu yokushonelwa ekhokhelwayo yomlingani wakho, ingane, ingane ongamzali, umzali, noma ingane yakini.

• Amalungelo okuvakashela ezikhungweni zezempilo: Uma umlingani wakho esesibhedlela, uthola wonke amalungelo okuvakasha ukuze uyombona futhi uphathwa njengomndeni nje. Awasekho amagumbi okulinda futhi ungajabulela ukwesekwa komngane womshado okungenzeka

Futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, kunamalungelo amafa ongawajabulela. Uma omunye wozakwethu eshona ngaphandle kwencwadi yefa, uphathina osaphila angathola ifa lesakhiwo. USiddhartha uthi, “Abalingani basekhaya akumele bazuze ifa ngokuzenzakalelayo lapho befa. Umuntu oshadile ngokuvamile angafuna indawo yomlingani wakhe ngaphandle kokukhokhiswa intela. Abalingani basekhaya bangase badinge incwadi yefa ukuze bathole ifa lozakwabo, futhi basazobhekana nanoma yiziphi izintela ezisebenzayo.”

Engqungqutheleni yobudlelwano basekhaya nomshado, kungase kudingeke siphethe ngokuthi umshado uyisivumelwano esimnandi kakhulu lapha ngoba uthola izinzuzo eziningi kakhulu njengombhangqwana, kusukela ezinzuzweni zomshuwalense wezempilo kuya ekuthengeni indawo ndawonye. Nakuba kungadingeki ukhokhe intela yomshado kubangane basekhaya, umshado unikeza imibhangqwana eshadile ezinye izinzuzo.

Ingabe Kufanele Ngikhethe Ukubambisana Kwasekhaya Noma Umshado?

Okusele kukuwe. Ungakhetha umlingani wasekhaya uma uqhathanisa nomshado ngokuya ngombono wakho, okuthandayo, kanye nemibono yezenkolo. Abantu abaningi abasadla ngoludala futhi abakholwayo abakhethi ubudlelwano basekhaya, futhi bakhetha ukushintsha isimo sabo sobudlelwano sibe abashadile. Kubantu abanjalo, ukubopha ifindo kuyindlela engcono kakhulu njengoba kunikeza izinzuzo ezibalulekile nokuvikela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uhlala kuphi. Imishado ibonwa kuzo zonke izifundazwe zase-US Nokho, ezinye izifundazwe azikuvumeli noma azibuboni ubudlelwano basekhaya. 

Ucabanga ukuthi wenzeni ngokulandelayo? Yini okufanele ukhethe ebudlelwaneni basekhaya vs ukudideka komshado? Uma uncike kubabambiswano basekhaya, nansi incazelo esheshayo yezizathu okufanele uzithathe. Khetha ubambiswano lwasekhaya:

• Uma ukhathazekile ngesijeziso sentela yomshado
• Uma ufisa ukubalekela izinkinga zedivosi uma kwenzeka nihlukana 
• Uma uke washada futhi waba nesipiliyoni esibuhlungu
• Uma ukhathazekile ngokufanelekela izinzuzo zikahulumeni
• Uma omunye wenu enomuzwa wokuthi umshado uwumkhosi wenkolo oweqisayo 
• Uma ungavumelani nombono womshado futhi uwucabange njengesikhungo somlando wezinzalamizi

Ukubambisana kwasekhaya akufani nokuhlala ndawonye nomlingani wakho; kuhilela inqwaba yezinye izinto. Udinga ukuhlola ukuthi uyafaneleka futhi uyafaneleka yini ukuba nobudlelwano basekhaya futhi uzodinga futhi ukugcwalisa amanye amaphepha avela kuNobhala Wezwe. Futhi lokho kungaba inqubo ende. Uma isicelo sakho sesibhalisiwe, kuzodingeka ukhokhe imali edingekayo bese uhambisa ifomu lakho. Umbuso uzobuyela kuwena uma sewenza ngokusemthethweni ubambiswano lwakho. Futhi lapho usunakho! Manje seningabalingane basekhaya emehlweni omthetho.

Lesi sihloko sabuyekezwa ngoJulayi 2023.

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