Isimo Vs Ubudlelwano: Ingabe Omunye Ungaholela Komunye?

Igama elithi 'isimo' lilisha uma kuqhathaniswa nezwe lokuthandana futhi incazelo yalo ayikacaci kahle. Eqinisweni, okukodwa kuzo zonke izimo ukungaqondakali. Lokho umehluko omkhulu esimweni uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano - ukucaca, noma ukuntuleka kwakho.

Ukuze siqonde kabanzi mayelana nokuthi siyini isimo kanye nobudlelwano uma kuqhathaniswa nesimo, sixhumane nodokotela wezengqondo ozinze e-California kanye ne-Cognitive Behavior Therapist, UDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwezengqondo), osebenza ngokukhethekile ekululekeni ngokwehlukana nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuphola, kanye nezinkinga zokuhambisana ngaphambi komshado.

Siyini Isimo?

Isimo siwuhlelo olungenayo incazelo ecacile. Ungabloma nophathina wakho, uze usondelane, kodwa ayikho ilebula enikezwe lobu budlelwano. Kuyacaca ukuthi unjalo Ngaphezu kwabangane, kodwa uyintombi/isoka? Uma lokhu kubonakala njengombuzo onzima, ungase ube sesimweni, hhayi ubudlelwano. 

Lokhu Umsebenzisi we-Reddit ihlanganise kahle impendulo ethi "Iyini isimo?". “Eqinisweni kuyisivumelwano sokuphola esivamile lapho umuntu oyedwa noma bobabili bebulala isikhathi baze bathole okuthile okungcono. Ngezinye izikhathi omunye wabo akazi ukuthi kunjalo.”

Isimo siyileso simo esididayo phakathi 'kwebangane nje' 'nasebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele."

– UDkt. Shefali Batra, udokotela wengqondo

Kodwa-ke ubona kanjani uma usesimweni esibucayi? Nazi ezinye izimpawu zesimo njengoDkt. Batra:

• Uhlala "ublomile" esikhundleni sokuya ngezinsuku zangempela zothando
• Izingxoxo mayelana "nekusasa" zenza oyedwa noma nobabili nijuluke futhi isihloko sivame ukugwenywa ngeziphazamiso ezingazelelwe njengokuthi, "Oh, bheka, inja enhle!" noma “Masi-ode i-nachos!”
• Kukhona ukuntula okucashile kwamalebula namagama anjengokuthi “isoka” noma “intombi” awavumelekile
• Ukuxhumana kwakho kuyaguquguquka, kunemibhalo ehambisana nama-emoji nokuthula — umzuzu owodwa ugeleza njengezinkondlo bese olandelayo unyamalala sengathi ifoni yakho iwele embobeni emnyama.
• Isibopho sakho sigcwele amasiginali ahlanganisiwe - Ngelinye ilanga bangene bonke, ngakusasa base-MIA, bakushiye uzizwa sengathi udlala umdlalo Umkhondo ukuqonda ukuthi wonke amasu asho ukuthini

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Izimpawu eziyi-15 zokuzibophezela-uPhobe uyakuthanda

Uma lezi zimpawu zizwakala zijwayelekile, kungenzeka ukuthi usesimweni esibucayi, hhayi ubudlelwano. Kodwa ungakhathazeki, awuwedwa. Izimo zivame kakhulu ekuqomeni kwesimanje futhi azimbi neze uma ulungile ngokungaqondakali futhi ufuna ukujabulela isikhathi. Izimo zingase zidide, kodwa hey, azivamile ukuba nesicefe! 

Nokho, uma ufuna a ubuhlobo obujulile, ungachithi isikhathi esiningi ngaphambi komdlalo othi “Siyini?” ingxoxo ukuze wenze izinhloso zakho zicace futhi uqede izinto uma imigomo yazo ingahambelani neyakho.

Buyini Ubudlelwano?

Ubuhlobo, ngendlela yabo elula, ukuxhumana phakathi kwabantu ababili okwakhelwe phezu kokuthandana, ukuzibophezela, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe. Kungaphezu nje kochungechunge lwezinsuku noma indlela ekahle yokuba nomngane we-Netflix—indawo lapho abantu ababili bezulazula khona ngobuhle, ukwehla, kanye nokuthi “ingabe kufanele siphume futhi?” izikhathi ndawonye. 

Kodwa wazi kanjani ukuthi usebudlelwaneni bangempela futhi awunamathelanga kwelinye igama lelimi lokuqomisana elimnandi? Nazi ezinye izimpawu zobudlelwano ungabheka, njengoba kuphakanyiswe uDkt. Batra:

• Uqala ukwazi izinqubo zansuku zonke zomunye nomunye ngekhanda—njengokuthi balidinga kanjani ikhofi labo ngo-8:07 am noma ukuthi bahlala kanjani beqa ibhulakufesi ngoba bashiywa yisikhathi.
• Uqala ukusebenzisa izitatimende ezithi 'thina' ngaphandle kokuqaphela—“Kufanele sizame leyo ndawo entsha ye-sushi,” noma “Siyawuzonda uphayinaphu ku-pizza,” ngisho noma ngasese ungenandaba nakho.
• Zifakwa ngokuzenzakalelayo ezinhlelweni zakho — “Gcina uMgqibelo wakho ucacile ngesonto elizayo, kufanele siye emshadweni womzala wami” 
• Izinkinga zabo ziba izinkinga zakho—njengalapho ikati labo lithola i-hairball, futhi ngandlela thize, uwena obhuqabhuqabhuqa u-Googling “ukudla kwekati okungcono kakhulu kokuvikela i-hairball.” 
• Nijabulela ukwenza izinto eziyisicefe ndawonye—ukuthenga igrosa, ukuhlela kabusha ikhabethe ngesikhathi seshumi nambili, noma ukuhlala uthule kuyilapho nobabili niskrola amafoni enu. 

Uma lezi zimpawu zizwakala zijwayelekile, siyakuhalalisela, usebudlelwaneni!—noma, okungenani, ngokuphika ngakho.

Isimo Vs Ubudlelwano: 8 Umehluko Obalulekile

Njengoba sekucacisiwe ngezimpawu ezibalulwe ngenhla, isimo uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano imiqondo ehluke kakhulu. Nakuba ubudlelwano busekelwe ekucaciseni nasekuzinikeleni, izimo zigcwele ukungaqondakali. Ukucacisa kabanzi, nansi eminye imininingwane yomehluko ebudlelwaneni obuqhathaniswa nesimo:

1. Ukuzibophezela

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Ukuzinikela ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuthi nobabili nizoshada isikhathi eside, kuyilapho nisesimweni esibucayi, nimane nje nigibele igagasi.” Ubudlelwano bubandakanya ukuzibophezela okusobala - kuyacaca ukuthi ozakwethu bahlose ukuba ndawonye esikhathini eside. Baxoxa ngezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo futhi bazibekele imigomo ndawonye. Kunalokho, esimweni esithile, ukuzibophezela akulula futhi kuvame ukungaqondakali, okukushiya ungaqiniseki ngokuthi izinto zibhekephi.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Amathiphu angu-12 Wokunqoba Izinkinga Zokuzibophezela

I-2. Ezokuxhumana

Ukuxhumana ebuhlotsheni kufana nomshini ogcotshwe kahle—yonke into ihamba kahle. Nixoxa ngezinhlelo, imizwa, ngisho nohlobo lwejusi enilukhethayo nobabili. Esimeni, ukuxhumana kufana nokuzama ukufunda i-hieroglyphics. Imilayezo ingase ifihleke noma igcwale ama-emoji akushiya udidekile. 

Lokhu Umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabelane ngendaba yakhe yesimo. "Insizwa engaya nezinsuku ezimbalwa engichithe izinyanga ingithumelela imiyalezo, ngaphandle kokwenza icebo - kwathi ngolunye usuku yanquma, kwathi lapho ngihlangana, kwaba OKUNINGI kwamakhemikhali nokukhanga. weza kushisa kakhulu futhi wangitshela ukuthi wayenesikhathi esingakanani, nokuthi ubefuna ukungibona kubi kangakanani futhi. Kodwa akazange aphendule ezicelweni zami zokuthi "Ngikhululekile ngamaviki ama-3" angazisa ngaleli sonto lezinsuku ezi-3 ukuthi ngisebenzaphi ebusuku namasonto amathathu. ngakho ngamcela ukuthi ayeke ukuxhumana nami.”

"Ukukhulumisana okucacile kungamandla amakhulu obudlelwano, kuyilapho isimo sizwakala njengomdlalo ongapheli wama-charades." – UDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwezengqondo), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuphola, kanye nezindaba zokuhambisana ngaphambi komshado

3. Ukuba khona kwezokuxhumana

Esinye isimo esiqhathaniswa nomehluko wobudlelwano izinga lokuba khona kwenkundla yezokuxhumana. Ezikhathini eziningi, ubudlelwano buvezwa esidlangalaleni social media ngokusebenzisa:

• Izithombe ezimnandi zombhangqwana
• Izithombe zezipho ezishintshiwe
• Izifiso zosuku lokuzalwa njengezindaba noma okuthunyelwe
• Izibuyekezo zesimo mayelana namadethi
• Ukubuyekezwa kwesimo sobudlelwano ku-facebook, njll. 

Ngezinye izikhathi lezi zeluleko zingaba ngokungaqondile ngisho. Nganginomngane owayengathandi ukufaka ubuso bakhe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Lapho engena ebudlelwaneni, kungazelelwe waqala ukuthumela izinkondlo zothando nokwabelana ngokuthunyelwe kwezothando ezindabeni zakhe. Iphuzu ukuthi ngokujwayelekile ufuna abalandeli bakho bazi uma usothandweni. 

Isimo, nokho, sivamise ukugcinwa kuyimfihlo, ukuba khona okuncane noma kungabikho nhlobo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Ungashintshanisa ukuthanda noma ukuphawula okungacacile, kodwa ukusondelana kuhlala kuyimfihlo egcinwe kahle.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Ukuthi Inkundla Yezokuxhumana Ibuthinta Kanjani Ubudlelwano Bakho

4. Ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo

Ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo umehluko omkhulu ekuqomeni uma kuqhathaniswa nesimo. Ebudlelwaneni, abalingani banikeza ukusekelana ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye. Bagubha ukunqoba kwabo ndawonye, ​​​​baduduzana ngemva kosuku olunzima, bathintwa isimo somunye nomunye futhi bayayikhathalela impilo yomlingani wabo. 

Lokhu kusekelwa ngokuvamile akukho esimweni esithile. Futhi lokho kuhle uma bobabili ozakwethu belungile ngaleli lungiselelo. Inkinga iba lapho omunye umlingani elindele ukuthi omunye atshalwe ngokomzwelo kodwa omunye aphile kahle ngokuba senhlelweni nje.

UDkt. Batra ukuchaza kanje, “Ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo kuyisisekelo sobudlelwane, kuyilapho isimo singazizwa njenge-rollercoaster engokomzwelo engenawo umugqa wokuphepha.”

5. Impilo yomphakathi

Ebudlelwaneni, okungenani ngemva kwezinyanga ezimbalwa, umlingani wakho ukwethula kubangani bakhe futhi ekugcineni nomndeni ngokunjalo. Bafuna abantu empilweni yabo bazi ngawe futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Nakuba uzakwethu wesimo sezulu ekhetha ukukugcina ungaziwa. Bangase batshele abangani babo ngesimo ngokwaso kodwa bangabaze ukudalula ubuwena kubo.

6. Ukukhethekile

Ukukhethekile kuyinkomba enkulu yobudlelwano ngokumelene nesimo. Ebudlelwaneni obuningi bendabuko, abalingani bavuma ukuba bodwa futhi bangaboni omunye umuntu. Ngisho nangaphandle njenge-polyamorous noma ukuvula ubudlelwano, imigomo yokungakhethi ixoxwa kahle futhi kuvunyelwana ngayo yibo bobabili ozakwethu. Ngokuphambene nalokho, abantu abasezimweni ngokuvamile abanalo ukuthi “ingabe thina sikhethekile?” khuluma, ushiye izinto zidida.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Ukuqomisana Okukhethekile: Akukhona Impela Mayelana Nobudlelwano Obuzibophezele

7. Ukuhlela ikusasa

Omunye umehluko ekuqomeni ngokumelene nesimo ukuhlela ikusasa. A ubudlelwane besikhathi eside kuhilela ukuhlela ikusasa - buya kuphi ubudlelwano? Ingabe umshado uyingxenye yezibalo zethu? Ingabe siwuvulekele umqondo wokuba nezingane ngolunye usuku? Kwenzekani uma omunye wethu kufanele athuthe ngenxa yomsebenzi? Yonke le mibuzo kuxoxwa ngayo ngezikhathi ezifanele ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokungabaza. 

Isimo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, sakhelwe phezu kokungacaci kahle. Azikho izingxoxo eziba khona ngezihloko ezibucayi, akukho mingcele ebekiwe, izinhloso azicaciswanga — ubambiswano luqhutshwa ngendlela nje futhi ngeke wazi ukuthi ukuhlukana kwesimo kukuvimbezela nini.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Imibuzo Engama-25 Okufanele Uyibuze Ngaphambi Komshado Ilungiselelwe Ikusasa

8. Ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Ukuxazulula izingxabano ebudlelwaneni kuyasebenza futhi kuthambekele eqenjini, kanti isimo singakushiya ubambe ongezansi kwesaga.” Uma nibhekene nengxabano ebudlelwaneni niyasebenzisana nobabili ukuxazulula inkinga niphume ninamandla ngoba inhloso wukuhlala ndawonye isikhathi eside. 

Nokho, isimo sintula imali engokomzwelo edingekayo ukuze umuntu akhule ukuxazulula izingxabano. Kuphakathi kokuthi inkinga ishanelwa ngaphansi kwengubo futhi nobabili nenze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho, noma ingxabano iphetha ngokuhlukana kwesimo. 

Ingabe Isimo Singaphenduka Ubudlelwano?

Uma uqaphela ukuthi usesimweni esibucayi, umbuzo wokuqala okufanele uvele ekhanda lakho uthi “Singakwazi yini ukuqhubekela phambili ukusuka kulesi simo siye ebudlelwaneni?” Kuyavela ukuthi ungakwazi, kodwa izimpawu zokuthi izophenduka ubudlelwano ingase ingabi qondile njenge-rom-com plotline. 

Isibonelo, lokhu Umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabelane ngendaba yokuthi isimo sakhe siphenduke kanjani saba ubudlelwano. "Besinezinsuku eziningi ezimangalisayo ngaphambi kokuba 'sixoxe', futhi wayekhuluma eqotho ngokufuna nje ukuphumula futhi abone ukuthi kuhamba kanjani….Nami ngangingafuni lutho kodwa ngawabona amathuba kusenesikhathi. Kodwa nganginomqondo wokuqomisana olula nojabulisayo. Manje sindawonye futhi sishadile."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Lubukeka Kanjani Uthando Lweqiniso Ebudlelwaneni?

Lapho sibuza uDkt. Batra ngalokhu, wasikisela amathiphu alandelayo ukuze aqondise isimo sibe sesimweni esibucayi ubudlelwano obuzibophezele.

• Qalani ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi ndawonye: Ungamane unamathele kuma-hangouts asebusuku kakhulu noma ukuhlangana okungahleliwe. Hlela i uhambo lwasebusuku, noma uphakamise ubusuku bedethi obujwayelekile. Uma nobabili nenza isikhathi sobabili, nizobona ukuthi lesi simo sifanele ukuthuthukiswa yini

• Bazise kubangani bakho futhi uhlangane nezabo: Akusekho ukucasha ethunzini noma ukuba “lowo muntu” abake babalula. Bameme emisebenzini yakho yeqembu futhi ubakhuthaze ukuba bakumeme nawe. Uma wonke umuntu eqala ukwenza amahlaya ngesimo sezithandani zenu, kungezinye zezimpawu zokuthi kuzophenduka ubuhlobo

• Have izingxoxo ezijulile: Ukuze uguqule isimo sakho sibe ubuhlobo, Ungagcini nje ngokukhuluma ngochungechunge lwakamuva ozitika ngalo noma ukuthi yini yesidlo sakusihlwa. Yabelana ngamaphupho akho, izinto ezisabisayo, nezinto ezixakile ozenzayo lapho uwedwa. Uma basenentshisekelo ngemuva kokuzwa ukuthi ucula eshaweni, kukhona okuthize

• Hlela izinto kusengaphambili: Gwema izinhlelo zeminithi lokugcina noma “usuvuka?” imiyalezo. Qala ukusetha amadethi angempela isonto noma amabili ngaphambili. Uma sebephakathi kokuhlela impilo yabo eduze nawe, uzokwazi ukuthi lesi simo siba sikhulu

• Qala inkulumo yokukhetha kuphela: Yebo kuyasabeka kodwa uma uzizwa ubuze ukuthi bayibona kanjani lento. Uma bengathukile futhi esikhundleni salokho bancike, uqonde ngqo esimweni sobudlelwano

Lezi zinyathelo zizokusiza ukuthi usuke esimweni uye ebudlelwaneni — noma okungenani zikwazise uma sekuyisikhathi sokudlulela phambili. Noma iyiphi indlela, usuzothola umbono othile!

imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final 

Kunomehluko omkhulu esimweni uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano. Nakuba ubudlelwano busekelwe ekuzibophezeleni nasekucaciseni, isimo senziwa ngezici ezingacacisiwe. Okunye umehluko omkhulu wokuphola uma kuqhathaniswa nezimo kuhlanganisa izinga lokutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo, ukuba yedwa okuvunyelwene ngakho, ukuhlela ikusasa, indlela yokuxazulula izingxabano, njll. Nokho, isimo singashintsha sibe ubuhlobo uma ababambiqhaza benza umzamo wokwazana kangcono futhi behileleka kakhulu ezimpilweni zomunye nomunye.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.