Izici Zokucisha Zobudlelwano Ezinkulu Ezingu-25 Ezichaza Inhlekelele

Imikhuba embalwa yozakwenu, indlela aziphatha ngayo, kanye nezinto ezixakile ziyakukhathaza. Ungase uthole ezinye zalezo zimfanelo zingabekezeleleki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ezinye ungazamukela, kanti ezinye ungakhuluma ngazo futhi uzilungise. Kodwa ukucisha ubudlelwano kungase kukuvimbe “ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade”. 

Ukuze sithole ukuthi hlobo luni lwezenzo nokuziphatha okukhathaza abantu futhi ekugcineni kuphazamise ubudlelwano, sithinte isazi sezengqondo uJayant Sundaresan . Uthi, “Isikhathi esiningi, ubudlelwano esibufunayo buhlanganisa izinto esakhula sizibona. Lokho kuhlanganisa ukwethembeka okuyisisekelo, umusa, nenhlonipho. Kodwa ngenxa yama-movie namanoveli othando, imibono yethu ecatshangelwe kusengaphambili ngobudlelwano ayigcini nje ngokuba yinto exakile kulezi zinsuku, kodwa igcwele ihaba.”

Ayini Ama-turn-offs Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukungavumelani ebudlelwaneni akugcini nje ngokuhlotshaniswa ngokocansi. Ukuziphatha kwakho, umuzwa wakho wokugqoka, ngisho nobuntu bakho kungaba ezinye zezinto eziphazamisayo kakhulu kwabesifazane nabesilisa. Kwabanye abantu, uma udidekile futhi ungazi ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano bakho bungaphumeleli, mhlawumbe ezinye zezenzo zakho ziyamxosha umlingani wakho, noma okuphambene nalokho.

U-Jayant uthi, “Incazelo yokucisha ilula kakhulu ukuyiqonda. Indlela odonswa ngayo ebuntwini bomuntu nemikhuba yakhe, ngendlela efanayo ungase uzizwe uxoshwa izici ezimbalwa zomuntu ofanayo. Uma uyisikhulumi esithambile, khona-ke uzokwehliswa abantu abakhulumela phezulu kakhulu.” 

Izici Zokucisha Zobudlelwano Ezinkulu Ezingu-25 Ezichaza Inhlekelele

Akufani nawe uphelele. Akekho. Umlingani wakho angase akuthole untula ezindaweni eziningi futhi. Uma kuwukucisha ongeke ukwazi ukuhlala nakho, khuluma nabo ngakho ngaphambi kokuthi udale omkhulu umsindo. UJayant uthi, “Ngokuvamile, izinto ezikucishayo zibangelwa indlela okhuliswe ngayo.

"Kungenzeka ukuthi uzothola izinguquko ezinkulu ebudlelwaneni uma zihluke kakhulu kuwe nakubantu okhule nabo." Ngezansi kukhona izibonelo zokucisha ebudlelwaneni okufanele ukufunde. Thola ukuthi kungakanani kwalokhu kuziphatha onakho ngokwakho. 

1. Ukuvala ubudlelwano obukhulu kunabo bonke - ukukopela 

U-Jayant uthi, "Lokhu kungenye yezinkinga ezinkulu ezishintsha ubudlelwano kubantu abaningi kanye nesephula isivumelwano. Uma uke wakhopela esikhathini esidlule, leli qiniso lingase lixoshe umlingani wakho nakuba ungahlosile ukumkhohlisa. Inkolelo yokuthi 'uma ungumuntu okhohlisayo, uhlala engumkhohlisi' ijule kakhulu futhi abantu abaningi bayahlehla uma bethola ukuthi abalingani babo bakhohlise ebuhlotsheni babo bangaphambilini."

Abantu abakopelayo bavame ukukuthola kujabulisa. Kuwukuziphatha kobugovu nokungavuthiwe okungagcini nje ngokulimaza ubuhlobo kodwa futhi okubeka engcupheni yokuqedwa. Ngokwezibalo , abantu baseMelika abangaphezu kuka-90% babheka ukungathembeki njengokuziphatha okubi kanti abantu baseMelika abacishe babe ngu-30% kuya ku-40% bakopela abalingani babo.

2. Ukucabanga ukuthi azikho iphutha

Lokhu ngokweqiniso kungenye yezindlela zokushintsha ubuntu engingakwazi ukukubekezelela. Umlingani wami unombono ophakeme ngaye futhi ucabanga ukuthi ulungile ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kufanele ngimenze aqonde ngemuva kwakho konke ukungqubuzana ukuthi imibono yethu yomibili ingaba ilungile. 

U-Jayant uthi, “Uma omunye umlingani ecabanga ukuthi balungile ngaso sonke isikhathi, lokho kungenye yezibonelo zokuhlukana phakathi kobudlelwano. Umuntu ongenzi iphutha akasoze axolisa. Uma ungalokothi uxolise, ubuhlobo buyobhekana nesiphetho esingenakugwenywa ngokushesha noma kamuva. Kulula njengalokho.”

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3. Ukuzehlisa 

Ukuzikhukhumeza nokuzehlisa ngokuvamile kubangelwa ukuntula ukuzethemba okucashile kodwa okukhulu. Uma bekuphatha kahle, kodwa bengenanhlonipho kuwo wonke umuntu, khona-ke kukhona amathuba okuthi bangaqondisa nawe lokho kuziphatha esikhathini esizayo. 

UJayant uyanezela, “Ukuba luhlaza kungenye yezimpawu zokuntuleka kwenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni . Kungenye yezinto ezibangela ukudideka okukhulu ebudlelwaneni lapho beluhlaza ikakhulukazi kulabo abangajabule kangako, abangenamandla amaningi, noma abanesikhundla esincane emphakathini kunabo. Njengoweta ophakela ukudla noma isisebenzi sakhe sasekhaya. Umuntu onjalo ngeke abonise ukuthobeka futhi uzohlala efuna ukubhekwa njengomuntu onesikhundla esiphakeme empilweni.”

4. Ukungahlanzeki komuntu siqu kungaba ukucisha ebudlelwaneni 

Ngabuza umngane wami uJennifer, yini i-turn-off yentombazane ethandana naye? Uthi, “Ngake ngajola nendoda eyayingahlanzekile, yayingagezi ngaphandle kwalapho sihlela ukuya endaweni kanokusho. Kwangicasula ukungakwazi kwayo ukuzigcina ihlanzekile.”

Ngokufanayo, ukungahlanzeki kanye nokuntuleka kwenhlanzeko kungaba ukucisha ubuhlobo nabafana. U-Jayant uthi, "Amadoda amaningi abheka izinwele zomzimba kwabesifazane njengezingathandeki. Kuwukucisha ngokushesha kwabesilisa abathanda ubulili. Izinwele ziyigugu eliyigugu kwabesifazane uma zisemakhanda abo. Kodwa noma yikuphi okunye okungathandeki."

5. Ubugovu embhedeni nokunye

Umkhuba wokupha-futhi-uthathe ungenye yezinto zokwakha ubuhlobo. Awukwazi ukuzicabangela wena futhi ucabange ukuthi umlingani wakho uzolunga ngakho. Ukuba nobugovu ngokomzwelo nangokocansi ngezinye zezinto ezishintsha ubuntu okunzima ukubhekana nazo. U-Jayant uthi, “Uma umlingani ezicabangela yena yedwa embhedeni futhi ecabanga kuphela ngalokho akuthandayo nangakuthandi, lokho kungase kudale isivimbamgwaqo esikhulu phakathi kwabo.”

Lapho ebuzwa ku-Reddit ngabantu abanobugovu embhedeni, omunye umsebenzisi wabelane, “Uma lowo muntu engazimisele ukukunikeza injabulo embhedeni, ngingabaza ukuthi uzokhathalela kakhulu izidingo zakho ngaphandle kombhede. Lokhu kusho ukuthi cishe ngeke azame ukusiza noma abe khona lapho udinga ukwesekwa kwabo. Okungenani okufanele bazame ukukwenza ukuqinisekisa ukuthi uyafika ezingeni lokwaneliseka.”

6. Ukungazi ukulwa

UJayant uthi, “Ukuklabalasa lapho uthukuthele noma ngesikhathi sezingxabano kungenye yezinto eziqeda ubudlelwano. Ukuba nolaka olukhulumayo nobudlova ukuze nje ulawule ingxoxo kungalimaza ubudlelwano ngezindlela eziningi. Umuntu obhekene nalokhu kuklabalasa angathula futhi angene ngaphakathi kwesikhumba sakhe. Ukuze kugwenywe lokhu, kunemithetho ethile yokulwa okufanele yemibhangqwana okumele ilandelwe uma ungafuni ukulimaza imizwa yomlingani wakho.”

Ukwazi ukulwa nokungenzeleli ebudlelwaneni kungenye yezinto ezizogcina ukuzwana kobudlelwano benu. Ukuphakamisa izwi njalo kumlingani wakho kuwuhlobo lodlame lwasekhaya futhi akumele nakancane umuntu azizwe enelungelo lokumemeza ngoba ecindezelekile noma enokuningi esikudlayo.

7. Ukungamvikeli/ukungamesekeli umlingani wakho kungenye yezinto eziphazamisa ubudlelwano

UJayant uyaxoxa, “Wena nomlingani wakho niyiqembu. Kufanele nazi izisekelo zokusekelana ebudlelwaneni futhi nisekelane. Uma niseqenjini, awukwazi ukubashiya bodwa ukuze bazivikele. Ngisho noma iphuzu labo lingafaneleki, ungalilungisi khona lapho. Buyela ekhaya nixoxe ngakho. Vikela oshade naye esidlangalaleni. Mlungise ngasese.”

Lokhu akusho ukuthi hamba uyoshaya umuntu njengoba kwenza uWill Smith. Kukhona okumele ukwenze nokungafanele uvikele owakwakho esidlangalaleni. Akumele ube nolaka. Ungasebenzisa lezi zindlela ukumela umlingani wakho:

• Beka imingcele nabantu abakhuluma udoti ngomlingani wakho
• Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngokuthi angafuna ukuvikelwa kanjani
• Babuze kuqala ukuthi ngabe bayakudinga yini ukuthi ungene, uma kwenzeka umlingani wakho efuna ukuziphendulela ngokwakhe

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8. Ukuthi cha ezintweni ezintsha embhedeni

Yiziphi ezinye zezinkinga ebudlelwaneni? Ethi cha ukuzilinga embhedeni. Lapho izenzo zocansi ziba isicefe, kuba nesicefe. Ucansi ludlala indima ebalulekile ekwandiseni ukusondelana phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo. U-Jayant wabelane ngemicabango yakhe mayelana nesithukuthezi sekamelo. Uthi, “Lapho ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuba yiphethini futhi kuhlala kunjalo, kuba ngenye yezinkinga ezinkulu ebuhlotsheni.

“Abantu abaningi abangenzi lutho olusha embhedeni nabo banomqondo ovalekile ngobulili bomlomo.” Ngezansi ezinye zezinto ongazilandela ukuze unonge impilo yakho yocansi:

• Hlala phansi ukhulume ngezidingo zakho
• Zitike ekudlaleleni phambili okuthe xaxa 
• Ungalwenzi ucansi lube yinsakavukela. Zidlale ngokuzenzakalelayo futhi udlale noma nini lapho unesikhathi 
• Bazise ukuthi wumzamo weqembu futhi futhi akukhona nje ngezifiso zomuntu oyedwa

9. Inkinga yezilwane ezifuywayo

Ngiyawathanda amakati futhi abantu abangawathandi amakati bayangabaza. Uzakwethu wangaphambili wayewazonda amakati futhi wayengicela ukuthi ngiwakhiyele ekamelweni noma nini lapho efika. Kwangikhathaza kakhulu lokho. Kungenye yezicisha zobudlelwano engingakwazi ukubekezelela. Uma ungithanda, kufanele uthande nezilwane ezifuywayo. Ayikho enye indlela yokuhamba ngakho. 

Ucwaningo olwenziwe yi-University of Buffalo lufakazela ukuthi imibhangqwana enekati noma inja inobuhlobo obuseduze futhi isabela kangcono ekucindezelekeni uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana engenabo. Imibhangqwana enezilwane ezifuywayo inobuhlobo obungcono futhi ixhumana kangcono.

10. Umona nokuba nezinto 

Uma unomona futhi unomona ngomlingani wakho, khona-ke kukhona amathuba okuthi bathole lokhu njengobunye bobudlelwano bucisha. Akusona isici esihle nganoma iyiphi indlela. Ivumela umlingani wakho ukuthi acabange ukuthi awumethembi. Kunesizathu sokuthi kubizwe nge-'partnership' hhayi 'ubunikazi'. 

Lapho ebuzwa ku-Reddit ngabalingani abanomona, umsebenzisi wabelane, “Yebo, umona uyashintsha. Futhi okuphuma kuwo akukuhle ukukubona kunoma yimuphi umuntu. Kuthatha okuningi ngendlela yokwesaba, futhi kufana nokuthi “Ngingumnikazi walokhu” endaweni engavamile.”

11. Ukukhuluma kakhulu kwakudala kungenye yezindlela zokunqamuka kobudlelwano 

UJayant uthi, “Uma umlingani wakho ekhuluma kakhulu ngowayeshade naye, kuyacaca ukuthi akakamthandi. Usamkhathalela. Ukukuqhathanisa nowayeshade naye kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi akakakulungeli ukuba nawe. Kungukuhlukana kobudlelwano ngokushesha. Bangase baqale nokungabaza injongo yobudlelwano babo futhi bacabange ukuthi lokhu kungenye yezimpawu zobudlelwano besikhathi esidlule obuthinta isimo samanje .”

Sibuze u-Gina, umculi we-makeup wasePasadena: Yiziphi ezinye ze-turn off yentombazane esothandweni? Uthe, "Emuva ngisesemdlalweni wokuqomisana, angikaze ngithande lapho abantu beveza abantu ababebathandana nabo. Kuwukucisha ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukwazi othile futhi ebambelele kumlando wakhe wakudala. Kwakuhlale kungithukuthelisa ukuthi ngilalele. Ukukhuluma okuningi engangikuxoxa kudala kungenza ngisuke kulowo muntu."

12. Ukushesha ebudlelwaneni 

Ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe e-US, abacwaningi bathole ukuthi imibhangqwana ethandane unyaka owodwa kuya kwemibili ngaphambi komshado (uma kuqhathaniswa nalabo abathandana ngaphansi konyaka) yayinamathuba amancane ngo-20% okuhlukanisa; kanti imibhangqwana ethandane iminyaka emithathu noma ngaphezulu yayinamathuba amancane ngo-39% okuhlukanisa.

Akekho othanda ukuzizwa evaleleke noma ecindezelwa ukuthi avumele izimfuno zomlingani wakhe. Lena enye yezimpawu ezibomvu zokuthandana okudingeka uziqaphele. UJayant uthi, “Esikhundleni sokuhamba ngesivinini eninethezeka nobabili, nihamba ngesivinini enisifunayo. 

“Uma uphusha izinto ngezifiso zakho, lokho kungenye yezinkinga ebudlelwaneni. Nobabili nidinga ukukhululeka futhi nibe sezingeni elifanayo ukuze ubudlelwano buphumelele." 

13. Ukweqa imingcele nokuhlasela kwangasese 

Ukungena ebumfihlweni kanye nokuwela imingcele kungenye yezindlela ezivimbela ubudlelwano phakathi kwabesilisa namantombazane. Yingakho kubalulekile ukudweba zonke izinhlobo zemingcele ngaphambi kokuba nikhululeke kakhulu esikhaleni somunye nomunye. Isibonelo, udinga ukubatshela ukuthi udinga isikhathi sakho sokuba wedwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho busezingeni lini. Imingcele enempilo iholela ebuhlotsheni obunempilo.

14. Umlaleli omubi

U-Jayant uthi, “Lapho bengenangqondo lapho nixoxa, kungenye yezinto ezishintsha ubuhlobo. Ukwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ezwiwa futhi ebonwa kubaluleke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni.

Lena ngenye yezinto enginecala ukuzenza. Ngingumlaleli okhethayo. Uma lokho okushiwo umlingani wami kungangithakaseli, ngiyazihlukanisa. Ngiya ezweni lami lezipoki. Uzakwethu wacasuka kakhulu ngalokhu kanye wathi, “Uma ungenasithakazelo kulokho engizokusho, khona-ke angicabangi ukuthi ufanelwe injabulo yokuba naye.” Ngilungisa izindlela zami manje. 

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15. Ukukhombisa ukuzikhukhumeza

U-Jayant uthi, "Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqonda umugqa omncane phakathi kokuzethemba nokuzikhukhumeza. Ukuzethemba kuhle kodwa ukuzikhukhumeza kuwukucisha ngokushesha. Ukwenza njengokwazi konke kungenye yezinto abantu abaningi abangakwazi ukuzibekezelela. 

"Ukubukisa ngezimpumelelo zabo nokwenza omunye umuntu azizwe kabi ngamaphupho akhe angafezekanga akuzona izici ezinhle ukuba nazo. Akukhona nje ukuzikhukhumeza kodwa futhi nokudelela. Yiba nobuqili ngezimpumelelo zakho. Ukushaya icilongo lakho kuwubuwula obudlulele. Vumela umlingani wakho ukuthi akuncome ngokwemvelo kunokuba akuphoqe ukuba aphume kuye ngokuhlikihla impumelelo yakho ebusweni bakhe."

16. Njalo hlola abanye abantu

Lokhu kungenye yezindlela zokuvala ubudlelwano babafana namantombazane. Usothandweni nabo futhi bahlala behlola umuntu okwelinye itafula. Kuyadelela futhi kuyacasula. Kubangela nokungazethembi futhi. Landela amathiphu angezansi uma umlingani wakho enamehlo azulazulayo:

• Ungayenzi into enkulu. Kodwa uma kwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi, beka unyawo lwakho phansi
• Ekuqaleni, batshele ukuthi awusoli kodwa ulimele
• Cabangela uma kuyinto efanele ukulwa ngayo 
• Hlala ukhumbula ukuthi lokhu akukona ukuvezwa kokubaluleka kwakho 

Lapho ebuzwa ku-Reddit mayelana nabalingani babo abahlola abanye abantu, umsebenzisi uphendule wathi, “Ngangivame ukuthandana nalo mfana owayevele ayeke ukukhuluma phakathi nomusho bese ephendula ikhanda lakhe ukuze abuke abesifazane. Kwangilimaza kakhulu imizwa yami.”

17. Kuyakusolisa 

UJayant uthi, “Uma ucindezelwa ukuthi utshele yonke imininingwane emincane ngosuku lwakho, khona-ke kunamathuba okuthi uzizwa ucishiwe ebuhlotsheni. Lesi ngesinye sezibonelo zakudala zokungavumelani ebudlelwaneni. Bazohlala behlola ifoni yakho ngolwazi lwakho noma ngaphandle kwalo. Bazoqapha isikhathi sakho nabangani nomndeni. Ukusola kungenye yezinto ezonakalisa ubudlelwano .”

Ukusola kubangelwa ukwesaba. Banezinkinga zokwethembana ngenxa yesimo, ukukhuliswa, ubudlelwano bangaphambili, noma ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni. Ngezansi amanye amathiphu awusizo wokubhekana nemizwa yokusola:

• Hlaziya ukuziphatha kwabo namafulegi abomvu
• Funa abangani ongaxoxa nabo ngalokhu
• Ungasheshi ufinyelele esiphethweni bese ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ukukopela
• Yazisa umlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho ngobumnene

18. Ukungenzi kahle

Esifundweni esinesihloko esithi 'Umphumela Wokuqabulana Kothando Ekufiselekeni Komlingani', kutholakale ukuthi amadoda ngokuvamile awagxili kakhulu ekwangeni kunabesifazane, nokuthi abesifazane bagxila kakhulu ekwangeni phakathi nezigaba zokuqala zokuqomisana, mhlawumbe njengethuluzi lokuhlola umlingani.

U-Diana, umhlengikazi osanda kweva eminyakeni engu-30, uthi: “Ukuba umqabuli ongemuhle kungenye yezinto eziphazamisa ubudlelwano babo.

19. Ukubeka omunye umuntu phansi

UJayant uthi, “Uma uwuhlobo lomuntu olwenza umlingani wakho azizwe engenangqondo ngezinto azithandayo, lokho kuwuhlobo oludlulele lokuphelelwa ithemba okungase kudlulele ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo. Abantu kufanele babheke umlingani obamba iqhaza kulokho abakuthandayo, okhulisa ukuzethemba kwabo, futhi angabenzi bazizwe beyiziphukuphuku ngezinqumo zabo.

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20. Ukungavuthwa 

Noma yiluphi uhlobo lokungavuthwa, kungaba okomzwelo, ubuhlakani, noma ngokwezezimali, kungenye yezinto ezishintsha ubuhlobo kubantu abaningi. Ukungavuthwa kanye nesimo sengqondo 'sokuhamba nokugeleza' siyathakazelisa ekuqaleni kodwa ukwenza umuntu ongavuthiwe ezimeni ezibucayi kungadala izinkinga eziningi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ukungakhuli ngokomzwelo kungakwenza ubukeke unobugovu futhi udelekile. Ukungavuthwa kahle kwezimali kungakwenza ubukeke njengomuntu osebenzisa imali ngokweqile ongenalwazi ngokuphathwa kwemali. Ukungakhuli ngokomqondo kuzokwenza ubukeke ungenalwazi. Kubalulekile ukuvuthwa uma ufuna ubuhlobo buqhubeke.

21. Ukuswela nokubambelela 

Yiziphi izinkinga zentombazane ebudlelwaneni engakwazi ukuziyeka? Ukuba ngumuntu oswele futhi onamathelayo. Kuyafana nanoma ubani, empeleni. Umuzwa wenkululeko kumele ube khona kubo bonke ubudlelwano. Awukwazi ukunamathela kumlingani wakho amahora angu-24 ngosuku, izinsuku ezingu-7 ngesonto, ulindele ukuthi avumelane nakho. Udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi banempilo yabo. Banezintshisekelo nezinto abazithandayo abafuna ukuziphishekela. Banabangane abafuna ukuhlangana nabo. Awukwazi ukulindela ukuthi bachithe usuku lonke nawe. Ukuba nobugovu ebudlelwaneni okububhubhisayo.

22. Ukucwasa nokucwasa 

Ungase ube nobulili obubili ebudlelwaneni obudlulayo. Uma kunjalo, udinga uzakwethu ongumdidiyeli womphakathi wonkana futhi ongeyena umuntu onezingxabano nganoma iyiphi indlela. Noma ungase ube ngowesigaba esikhishwe inyumbazane kuyilapho umlingani wakho ephuma esigabeni somcindezeli. Khona-ke udinga umlingani okholelwayo futhi omele ukulingana komphakathi, futhi afunde ngakho ngenkuthalo.

U-Jayant uthi, “Ukucwasa kufanele kube esinye sezinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu ezake zahlukana phakathi kobudlelwane.

U-Ariana, intatheli eseminyakeni yawo-20, uthi: “Ukudlulisa amazwi angahloniphi ngezinkolelo, izindinganiso nenkolo yabanye abantu kufanele kube enye yezinkinga ezinkulu ebuhlotsheni.Uma ungakholelwa ezintweni engizenzayo, kulungile.

23. Ukuntula ukuqonda

Asikho isenzo sothando esidlula ukuzama ukuqonda othile. Ukuhlala futhi uqonde ukuthi umlingani wakho uthini nokuthi uvelaphi ezinye izimpawu zothando ezizogcina uthando luqinile phakathi kwabantu ababili. Nakuba, ukuntula ukuqonda kunamandla agcwele okucekela phansi ngisho nemibhangqwana ejabule kakhulu.

Ukungaqondi kungenye yezinkinga cishe yonke imibhangqwana ebhekene nazo . Uma kunganakwa, kungaholela ekuhlukaneni ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni. Ngezansi kunezeluleko ezithile zokuthuthukisa ukuqondana phakathi kwabalingani:

• Khulumisana ngenhloso yokulalela hhayi ukubenza balalele 
• Lalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela 
• Zijwayeze uzwela
• Zivumele ukuthi zivuleleke futhi zibe ngokoqobo nawe

 24. Ukungaluqali ucansi noma ukufuna ucansi kuphela

Abekho abantu ababili abangaba nesifiso esifanayo socansi. Ukungaqali ucansi noma ukufuna ucansi kuphela kungenza umlingani wakho azizwe engafunwa, engafunwa, futhi esetshenziswa kabi. Uma kwenzeka noma yikuphi kwalokhu, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nakho kuyaqala ukushabalala.

U-Jayant uthi, "Ukungaqali ukusondelana kungenye yezindlela zokunqamuka kobudlelwano babafana namantombazane. Sonke sithanda ukuzizwa sifunwa. Uma kuyibo kuphela abaziphonsa kuwe, bangase bazizwe sengathi awunandaba nabo. Ukuqalisa ukusondelana kuyisenzo esimnandi esihlanganisa abantu ababili.

“Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuhlale ufuna ukuya ocansini nakho kuwukucisha.

25. Amanga avamile

Amanga yinto engingakwazi ukuyibekezelela mina mathupha. Kuzwakala sengathi angihloniphi. Uma beqamba amanga kanye, kuhlale kukhona ukusola ukuthi bazoqamba amanga futhi. UJayant uthi, “Amanga anamandla okubhidliza ubudlelwano. Uma umlingani wakho eqhubeka nokukuqamba amanga, ungase uyeke ukumethemba maduze. Uzoba nokungabaza ngawo. Imicabango emibi izohlala engqondweni yakho futhi ngeke ukwazi ukuwaqeda kalula. Udinga ukufunda ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuqamba amanga ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuba sekwephuze kakhulu.”

Okubalulwe ngezansi okunye ukucisha ubudlelwano okufanele ukuqaphele:

• Ukungabi nesifiso sokuvelela nokuzethemba
• Lapho behlala besocingweni lwabo
• Abangacabangi ngemizwa yabo
• Ukuqamba amagama, ukukhohlisa, nokulawula ukuziphatha
• Udoti-ekhuluma exs zabo
• Ukungabi nemibono yabo siqu
• Ukugwema izinkinga nezingxabano ezinempilo

Indlela Yokunqoba Ukuvala Ubudlelwano

Kumele ucabangisise ngaphambi kokuthintana nomlingani wakho mayelana nokucishwa kwabo ngoba kungase kumcasule. Bangase bakuthathe njengokugxekayo futhi bazizwe benqatshiwe, futhi bangase baphindisele ngokuveza amaphutha akho. Uma ubathanda, umthetho wokuqala ukuvumela izinto ezincane zihambe. Kodwa uma kuwukuziphatha okungenanhlonipho, ukuntula ukuqonda, nezinye izinto ezinkulu ozicasukelayo, xoxa ngakho. Akukho zinsolo, izingxabano, noma ukusola. Ingxoxo nje enesizotha. 

Uma ufuna ukuphelela, awusoze wajabula kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Phela uyafuna umaqondana noma isicoco sokukhombisa abantu? Vala ubuthakathaka bomunye nomunye. Ukuvala umehluko ngokuxhumana nokushintshashintsha. Zama ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni futhi nikhule ndawonye. Kodwa uma ama-turn-off enqwabelanisa futhi amboze izingxenye ezinhle, kungcono ukushiya.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.