7 Imithetho Egolide Yobudlelwano Obuphilayo

Ingabe usukulungele ukuthatha ubudlelwano bakho kwelinye igxathu? Ingabe ukuhlala ndawonye kuzwakala kujabulisa kuwe? Uma impendulo yakho ithi 'yebo', kusho ukuthi nakanjani uphokophele endleleni efanele futhi ungacabangela ubudlelwano obuphilayo. Njengombhangqwana, cishe ukhathele ukuthi uchithe isikhathi esiningi ngezinsuku zedina le-mushy kanye nokuphuma kwe-movie nokuzama ukukhulisa isikhathi sakho ndawonye. Ufuna ukucabanga ngokuhlala ndawonye njengoba kuqala ukuba nzima nakakhulu ukuvalelisa futhi ubuyele ekhaya ngaphandle komunye wakho obalulekile.

Ufuna izikhathi ezinhle enizichitha ndawonye zingapheli futhi ukuhlala ndawonye kubonakala kuyindlela ephelele yokwenza lokho kwenzeke. Ngaphandle kwalokho, izophinde ikunikeze amazwibela wokuthi impilo yenu ndawonye ingaba njani uma nithatha isinqumo sokubopha ifindo. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nobuhlungu bokuhlala ngokwehlukana ukuhlala ndawonye futhi nijabulele ukuba ndawonye, ​​ngokuba sebudlelwaneni obuphilayo. Kodwa kunemithetho ethile yobudlelwano obuphilayo.

Imithetho? Imiphi imithetho futhi kungani, uyabuza? Hhayi-ke, ukuhlala ndawonye kungase kubonakale kuwuhambo olujabulisayo nolujabulisayo ekuqaleni. Nokho, amaqiniso avamile okuphila angangena kancane kancane endleleni yakho konke ubumnandi nokuzijabulisa, akushiye wena nozakwenu ningajabule futhi nihlale nixabana. Kungakho kubalulekile ukubeka imingcele ethile futhi umise imithetho eyisisekelo kusukela lapho usuhamba. Ngemininingwane evela kumqeqeshi wezempilo kanye nomeluleki Joie Bose, ake sinqume imithetho ethile yobudlelwano bukhoma engaqinisekisa injabulo yaphakade esidlekeni sakho sokuhlalisana.

Ubuhle Nebubi Bobudlelwano Be-Live-In

Buyini ubudlelwano obuphilayo? Ngaphandle uma uvele ngaphansi kwedwala enkathini ehlukile Outlander isitayela, usuvele wazi ukuthi ubudlelwano obuphilayo bubhekisela ku- ukuhlalisana kombhangqwana ngaphandle kokubopha ifindo. Sezadlula izinsuku lapho ukuhlala ndawonye kwakuvame ukuvusa ihlazo emiphakathini elandela imithetho efana neNdiya noma ukumema ukubukeka kwemibuzo ngisho nasezweni lanamuhla laseNtshonalanga. Namuhla, kuthathwa njengomkhuba wokudlula kwabashadile abasebudlelwaneni obungathi sína, obuzibophezele.

Emibhangqwaneni ehlanyayo othandweni kodwa abesatshiswa ukuhlala unomphela nengcindezi elethwa isikhungo somshado esiqashelwa emphakathini nasemthethweni noma labo abavele bakubheke njengokwakhiwa kwakudala, ubudlelwano bokuhlalisana bungaba indawo emnandi kakhulu. Abalingani ababili, ababoshwe uthando hhayi imithetho yomshado, bangaphila futhi bajabulele izinzuzo zokuba umbhangqwana ozimisele ngaphandle kokuzibophezela.

Inkulumompikiswano phakathi kobudlelwano obuhlala phakathi nomshado izoqhubeka njalo kodwa kukuwe ukuthi ukhethe okufunayo. Siyazi ngombhangqwana owawuchitha sonke isikhathi sawo ndawonye njengoba usebenza ndawonye, ​​udla konke ukudla kwawo ndawonye futhi uya emibuthanweni yokuzijabulisa ndawonye. Bavele baqonda ezindlini zabo beyolala.

Babechitha imali ephindwe kabili ngokuqasha futhi babona ukuthi kunengqondo ngabo ukuthi behlise izindleko zabo ngokuthuthela endlini. Nokho, ubuhlobo obuhlala phakathi kwabo abuzange bubasebenzele ngoba lona wesifazane wayengumuntu ohlanzekile futhi engakwazi ukuphatha izitsha ezilele endlini ngisho amahora ambalwa futhi indoda yayivilapha futhi ine-slob futhi inesistimu lapho 'ihlanza ngokujulile' kanye ngesonto. Lokhu kwabasiza ukuthi babone izinkinga zabo zokungahambelani futhi bagcine sebekuyekile. Yingakho imithetho yasekhaya kwabashadile abahlala ndawonye ibalulekile ukuze ubuhlobo buphumelele.

Ngaphambi kokuthi singene emininingwaneni emihle yemithetho yobudlelwano obuphilayo, ake sibheke ezinye zezinzuzo nezinselelo zakho zokukusiza unqume ukuthi ukuhlalisana kuyakufanele yini wena nozakwenu:

Izinzuzo zokuhlala ndawonye

Ubudlelwano obuphilayo bungakulethela wena nomlingani wakho nisondelane kakhulu kunangaphambili, futhi bukhuthaze okuhlukile amafomu okusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Nazi ezinye zezinzuzo eziphezulu zokuhlala ndawonye ezisiza ukuqinisa isibopho sabashadile:

1. Ukuvalelisa kuyinto yesikhathi esidlule

Umjikelezo wemihlangano nokuhlukana uyaphela. Akusekho ukuvalelisa, njengoba nilala ndawonye ngemva kwesidlo sakusihlwa noma amadethi emuvi. Njengoba kungadingeki ubheke izinto ezintsha nezindlela ukuze nikwazi ukuchitha isikhathi esiseqophelweni eliphezulu ndawonye, ​​ubudlelwano obuphilayo bungasiza futhi ekunciphiseni izindleko zakho.

2. Ukuqala usuku lwakho ndawonye

Yabelanani ngenkomishi yokuqala yetiye noma yekhofi futhi nibuke ukuphuma kwelanga ndawonye. Kunomuzwa oyingqayizivele wokusondelana ekuqaleni usuku lwenu ndawonye futhi nibe eduze komunye nomunye lapho ninobuntu obungavuthiwe.

3. Ningalokothi niphelelwe izinto eningazenza njengombhangqwana

Uhlu lwemisebenzi yabashadikazi eningakwazi ukuzenza luyahlukahluka uma seniqale ukuhlala ndawonye, ​​futhi eziningi zalezi zinto azibandakanyi ngisho nokuhlela okunemininingwane kanye nokwenza okungenasici. Kusukela ekuphekeni ndawonye kuya ekwenzeni ukuthinta kothando okuncane kodwa okucatshangelwayo njengokuletha ibhulakufesi lozakwenu embhedeni kanye ngesikhathi noma ukwenza ikhofi labo lasekuseni ngendlela abalithanda ngayo, ziningi izindlela zokubonisa ukuthi niyakhathalelana.

4. Awukho umthwalo wamalebula

Uthola ukwabelana ngempilo yakho nomuntu omthandayo exakwe amalebula okuthi ushadile. Ubudlelwano obuphilayo bukuvumela ukuthi ukhethe ukuba ndawonye, ​​usuku nosuku, kunokuba ninamathelane ngoba nje iphepha likugunyaza kanjalo.

5. Ubumfihlo kanye nendawo yomuntu siqu

Ubudlelwano obuphilayo buphinde bukunike inkululeko yokwenza izinto ngaphandle kokuphazamisa ubumfihlo bakho. Wena nozakwenu ningaba ndawonye ngempela ngaphandle kwezithiyo ezilethwa ukubukeka kwemibuzo okuvela kwababukele. Yikhaya lakho, isidleke sakho sothando, futhi uyakwazi ukwenza imithetho yobudlelwano obuphilayo ukuze uchaze ukuthi yini ekusebenzelayo njengombhangqwana nokuthi yini engasebenzi.

6. Ukuphatha izifundo ezikhohlisayo njengemali

Imali ngokuvamile iyindaba ekhohlisayo emibhangqwaneni eminingi. Uma seniqalile ukuhlala ndawonye, ​​nixoxa ngemali futhi nithola indlela yokugwema izingcindezi zezimali ebudlelwaneni kuba okungaxoxiswana ngakho. Njengoba wabelana ngezimali, indawo yokuhlala, izikweletu nokonga, ufunda ukusebenzisana kangcono njengeqembu.

7. Hlola ukuhambisana kwakho

Ukuhlala ndawonye kuzohlola ngempela ukufanelana kwenu njengombhangqwana, ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba nangokocansi, futhi kuninikeze isheke langempela lokuthi ingabe ninakho yini edingekayo ukuze nizulazule ezikhathini ezinhle nezimbi zokuphila ndawonye. Uma kwenzeka unquma ukushada esikhathini esizayo, usuyazi kakade ukuthi ukuphila kwenu ndawonye bekuyoba njani.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Ngenkathi Ngihlala Nomlingani Wami Ngabona Ukuthi Angisoze Ngamshada...

Ububi bokuhlala ndawonye

Lezi zinzuzo zokuhlala ndawonye zikwenza kubonakale kuwuhlelo olungcono kakhulu kunoma yimuphi umbhangqwana okhona isikhathi eside. Kodwa-ke, njengakunoma yini enye empilweni, ubudlelwano obuphilayo nabo bufika nesethi yabo yezinselelo. Ake sibheke ezinye zezingozi zokuhlala ndawonye:

1. Ukuhlukana kungase kube nzima nakakhulu

Uma ubudlelwano bungaphumeleli, ukuhlukana nomuntu ohlala naye kungaba nzima kabili. Ngaphandle kobuhlungu obungokomzwelo bokuqeda ubudlelwano besikhathi eside, kufanele futhi uthole izindlela zokuhlukanisa izimpilo zakho bese uqala kabusha.

2. Ukukopela kungadala umonakalo

Noma yimuphi umlingani angase akhohlise omunye, futhi njengoba, ngokungafani nomshado, ubuhlobo abuvikelekile ngokomthetho, ukungathembeki kungase kube igalelo elibulalayo ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu akusho ukuthi imishado ayinakho ukukopela. Kodwa amathuba okubuyisana mancane kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obuphilayo.

3. Ukuntuleka kokusekelwa komndeni, nomphakathi

Ngokungafani nabashadile, imindeni ingase ingakusekeli uma nixabene noma nixabene. Kukhona futhi ukwesekwa okuncane kakhulu okuvela emphakathini ngamunye, ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane abasebudlelwaneni obuhlala ngaphakathi. Uma izinto ziya eningizimu, ungase ushiyeke uzinakekele.

4. Izingane zingase zintule inetha lokuvikeleka lomkhaya

Uma kwenzeka ukukhulelwa, umfana angakwazi ukuphuma kalula, eshiya owesifazane ukuba abhekane nakho yedwa. Nakuba imithetho emazweni amaningi, kuhlanganise nelaseNdiya, manje isigunyaza owesilisa ukuba anikeze isondlo sengane nengane ezalelwe ebudlelwaneni obuhlala njalo, ingane ingase ikhule ingenaye uyise ekuphileni kwayo uma indoda ingafuni ukuba nengxenye futhi owesifazane engase angabi nakwenza ngaphandle kokubhekana nobunzima bokuba umzali oyedwa.

5. Amalungelo ozakwethu awavikelekile

Anikwazi ukuthola ifa lempahla yomunye ngaphandle uma konke kubhalwe phansi encwadini yefa. Esimeni sokugula okubi kakhulu noma ukufa komngane womshado, umkhaya wabo ungathatha izintambo bese ucela omunye ukuba ahambe uma uthanda. Ngeke abe nesicelo esingokomthetho sokuhlala nomlingani wabo.

Njengoba kubonakala, ubudlelwano obuhlala phakathi bunesethi yabo izinselelo futhi izinzuzo. Kukulabo abashadile ukukwenza kusebenze ukuze bajabulele inzuzo futhi banciphise izinkinga. Yilapho kubaluleka khona ukuhlela nokuvumelana ngemithetho ethile ukuze kungabikho umlingani ozizwa ethathwa kalula.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umhlahlandlela Wokusinda: Okwenziwa Nokungamelwe Ukwenze Ukuba Sebudlelwaneni obubukhoma

7 Imithetho Yobudlelwano Obuphilayo

Ukuze ugweme ukuphathwa njenge-doormat, imibhangqwana enquma ukuhlala ndawonye kufanele ilandele imithetho embalwa yobudlelwane bukhoma. Lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi omunye wenu akashisi iminwe ngenkathi ebeka engcupheni yobudlelwano obuhlala phakathi kwenu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, le mithetho emiswe ngokucophelela yobudlelwano obuphilayo iqinisekisa ukuthi ubudlelwano benu buhlala bujabule futhi buthandeka futhi ujabulele okuningi.

“Lapho ninquma ukuhlala ndawonye, ​​kumelwe kucace ukuthi AKUFANELE umshado. Ngaphezu kwalokhu, ubeka imithetho yasekhaya elandelayo kwabashadile abahlala ndawonye:

1. Nquma ukuphrinta okuhle kwezezimali

UJoie uthi: “Omunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yobudlelwano bokuhlala nezihlobo ukuhlonipha izibopho zezezimali zomunye nomunye futhi nihlale nikhokha ingxenye yenu ekuphatheni nasekunakekeleni ikhaya. Ubudlelwane obuphilayo bungaphezu nje kokuhlanganyela ikamelo lokulala nokucabanga ngezindlela ezintsha zokuzijabulisa ndawonye ngaphandle kokuphuma endlini.

Manje nobabili nizobe niphethe indlu ndawonye. Ngaphambi kokuthi ungene, hlala, futhi udizayine uhlelo lokuphathwa kwezimali. Nquma ukuthi ubani ozobhekana nezindleko ukuze ugweme noma yikuphi ukudideka noma isiphithiphithi uma senihlala ndawonye. Imithetho yobudlelwano bokuhlalisana kufanele ibekwe phansi ngesikhathi nihlala ndawonye.

2. Hlukanisa nemisebenzi yasekhaya

Kusukela ekuwasheni izingubo kuya ekulungiseni indlu, nobabili kufanele nihlukanise imisebenzi ukuze ninikeze imithwalo yemfanelo elinganayo. Ngisho nokuqasha usizo lwasekhaya lokuhlanza nokupheka kudingeka kube yisinqumo esihlanganyelwe ukuze kube lula kubo bobabili abalingani. Uma imithwalo yemfanelo nemisebenzi kungahlukanisiwe ngokucacile, kungase kusheshe kuvuleke izingxabano nezingxabano eziqhubekayo.

Ngaphambi kokuba wazi, uqala ukuzizwa njengombhangqwana olusizi ongakwazi ukuzibamba kodwa uxabana ngezinto ezinkulu nezincane. Ngalokhu kuhlungiwe, nobabili ningaphila ngokuthula, nigweme ukulwa. “Ukuze le nqubo ingabi nazihibe futhi ingabi nokungqubuzana, ukuhlukaniswa kwemisebenzi yasekhaya kumelwe kwenziwe kukhumbula ukukhetha komuntu ngamunye nendlela yokuphila,” kweluleka uJoie.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: I-Marriage VS Live-In Relationship: Konke Obufuna Ukukwazi

3. Cacisa ukuthi kungani uthatha lokhu kwehla

Njengomshado, ukuhlalisana kuyisinqumo esikhulu. Kwenze ngokuhlakanipha hhayi ngokuxhamazela. Uma nichithe unyaka owodwa noma ngaphezulu nindawonye, ​​cabangani ukuyohlala ndawonye. Cacisa ukuthi kungani nobabili nifuna ukuhlala nokuthi lokhu kuzoholela emshadweni nhlobo. Lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi awuhambi ngezithembiso zamanga nokulindela.

UJoie uthi: “Umlingani wakho angase angafuni ukuhlanganiswa nomkhaya wakini futhi abhekiselwe kuye noma aphathwe njengomngane wakho womshado.” Kubalulekile ukukuhlonipha lokho futhi ucace ngezizathu ezenza nikhethe ukuhlala ndawonye futhi ukuchaza ngokucacile lokho okulindele kungasiza kulokho. Ngale ndlela awusoze wazisola ngobudlelwano obuphilayo, noma ngabe buhamba kanjani.

4. Uma kwenzeka ukhulelwe

Manje njengoba senizohlala ndawonye futhi nilala ekamelweni elilodwa, lokhu kuyosho ucansi nganoma yisiphi isikhathi emini noma ebusuku. Okokuqala, yiba nengxoxo mayelana nokuthi uyafuna yini ukuba nezingane. Uma kungenjalo, qiniseka ukuthi uthola umsindo hlela ukuvimbela inzalo ukuze ugweme ukukhulelwa okungafunwa.

Futhi, xoxani ngesiphetho sokukhulelwa kwengozi kusengaphambili futhi nihlele ukuthi inkambo yakho ingaba yini esimweni esinjalo. Lona omunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yobudlelwane bokuphila. “Lamukele iqiniso lokuthi ukukhulelwa ngengozi kungase kwenzeke futhi uma kwenzeka, akekho umngane womshado oyophoqa omunye ukuba amgcine umntwana noma amphoqelele ukuba ashade,” kutusa uJoie.

5. Ukuxazulula izinkinga ndawonye

Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zokuphila kuzobe zingekho ngaphansi kwe-honeymoon. Kodwa lapho ubuhle buphela, kwakuzoba nokulwa, izingxabano nokucasuka. Njengombhangqwana, kufanele wazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nawo ngomoya ophansi. Ungalenzi iphutha lokuthatha isinqumo esinzima futhi usiqede ngenxa yengxabano encane noma ukungaboni ngaso linye. Funda ukuqabula nokwenza ukuze ugcine ilangabi lothando livutha.

“Ezinye zazo izinkinga zobudlelwane ezivame kakhulu kungagwenywa futhi kunqotshwe uma bobabili abalingani befunda ukuhlonipha isikhala somunye nomunye kanye nobumfihlo. Bobabili abalingani kufanele bamukele abangane bomunye nomunye, izinqumo, imigomo, izinto abazithandayo, abangazithandi futhi bakhe indawo eyanele ukuze bakhule futhi baphumelele, kokubili njengombhangqwana nanjengabantu ngabanye,” kusho uJoie.

6. Nekela ezifisweni nasemicabangweni

Injabulo yokuphila kuyo ingumqondo wokuhlola izifiso zobulili namaphupho. Abesifazane kufanele basisebenzise ngokugcwele lesi sikhathi ngokudlala ngezifiso zabo. Amadoda nawo kufanele avuleleke ekuhloleni nasekuthuthukiseni amakhono awo okwenza uthando. Nakuba unendawo eningi yokuhlola nokuhlola amaphupho ocansi, akumele kwenziwe ngezindleko zemvume.

Ucansi oluhle njalo kuyasiza ekukugcineni ujabule futhi ujabule nasemsebenzini. Kodwa-ke, lokho kusebenza kuphela lapho bobabili abalingani besekhasini elifanayo mayelana nokusebenzisana kwabo kwezocansi futhi bengazizwa bephoqwa noma becindezelwe ukwenza izinto abangafuni ukuzenza. Ukuhlonipha izifiso zomlingani wakho kanye nokufuna imvume yakhe kufanele kube umthetho wobudlelwane obubukhoma ongashiwongo.

7. Zilungiselele ukuthi ubuhlobo obuseduze bungase buphele

Ngemva kokunquma ukukipita, imibhangqwana kufanele futhi igcine umugqa wesikhathi wesikhathi sokuhlala ndawonye. Awukwazi ukuqhubeka uhlala ebudlelwaneni uma unomshado engqondweni yakho. Ngisho noma umshado ungeyona ingxenye yecebo lakho lempilo, ungacabangi ukuthi ubuhlobo obuseduze buyohlala phakade.

Zilungiselele ukuthi ubudlelwano obuphilayo bungase buphele. Uma kwenzeka, kufanele ukwamukele futhi usebenzele ukuphulukisa futhi uqhubekele phambili esikhundleni sokubambelela ngokuqinile ethembeni lokuthi ungafaka ukuphila esibophweni esiye sagijima. “Yamukela futhi uhloniphe isinqumo somunye sokuhlukana lapho isidingo sivela, ngaphandle kwedrama,” kweluleka uJoie, egcizelela ukuthi lona ungomunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo.

"Ukuhlala ndawonye kungokwakho uma wazi ukuthi ningabangane abathandanayo. Niyajabula okwamanje futhi nifuna ukwazisana. Awufuni ukucabanga ngekusasa noma isikhathi eside okwamanje, kodwa yebo, kungenzeka ekugcineni - 'kungenzeka' kube igama elisebenzayo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani akekho okufanele avunyelwe ukwenza isinqumo esithinta kokubili ngokuhlanganyela, akukho ubudlova obungokomzimba, noma ukucindezeleka kwengqondo.

Ingabe Ukuhlala Ngaphakathi Kusemthethweni e-India?

Sinomhlahlandlela ophelele wakho ohlanganiswe ithimba lethu lezomthetho. Izophendula yonke imibuzo yakho kusukela kokuthi, ngabe owesilisa nowesifazane abavela emishadweni eyehlukene bangahlangana yini bahlale, ukwenza izithandani zikuthole kunzima ukuqasha ifulethi ndawonye, ​​ukuze uma kungenzeka ukuthi abantu abathandana nabo abahlala ebudlelwaneni bafake izikhalo ezisemthethweni zokuhlukunyezwa ekhaya? Ungafunda isiqeshana lapha.

Kodwa uma ubeka imithetho yokuhlala ndawonye njengombhangqwana uzoba nohlelo olukhululekile olusebenzayo. Ubudlelwano obubanzi kanye nemithetho yendlu yabashadikazi abahlala ndawonye kungasebenza njengohlaka olubanzi lwereferensi, kodwa ekugcineni, kungokwakho nophathina wakho ukunquma ukuthi yini ekusebenzelayo nokuthi yini engakusebenzelanga. Uma ususitholile isigqi sokuhlala ndawonye, ​​uhambo luzohamba kahle.

Izindlela Eziyisi-6 Zokumunyu Zingena Ebudlelwaneni Bakho Bothando

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.