Ingabe Ukudlala Ngothando Ukukopela? Izizathu Eziyi-9 Futhi Izindlela Eziyisi-7 Ezingalimaza Ubudlelwano Bakho

Ebudlelwaneni bami, imingcele ephathelene nokusebenzelana nabobulili obuhlukile ibilokhu ingumthombo wosizi nokudideka. Ngisho nangemva kokubeka imingcele, sigcina silimazana kanye nje. Ngiye ngafunda ukuthi ukubeka imingcele akusho ukuphela kwemibuzo enzima komunye nomunye, njengokuthi: “Ingabe ukudlala ngothando kuwukukopela ebudlelwaneni bakho?”

Emkhakheni wobudlelwano bothando, umngcele phakathi kokuziphatha okungenacala kanye nokudlala ngothando okungenazwelo kuvame ukufiphala. Ukudlala ngothando kuvame ukuqala ngokushintshana ngamazwi noma ngokuthinta ngezandla ezicashile, futhi sekuyisikhathi eside kuyindaba eyimpikiswano emhlabeni wokuqomisana nokuzibophezela. Ingabe kumane nje “kuwukudlala ngothando okungenacala” noma ukudlala ngothando kuwuhlobo oluthile lokukopela?

Amandla obudlelwano besimanje ayathuthuka, ubuchwepheshe kanye nokushintsha kwezinkambiso zomphakathi kunezela izici ezintsha emcabangweni wokwethembeka. Ukuze sikusize wenze umqondo walo mkhakha ogcwele imizwa, sizohlola izizathu eziyisishiyagalolunye eziqinile zokuthi kufanele sicabange ngokudlala ngothando uhlobo lokukopela nezindlela eziyisikhombisa ezingalimaza ubuhlobo bomuntu oyedwa.

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Ngaphambi kokuzibophezela kumlingani, hlela izingxoxo mayelana nemingcele bese uxoxa ngalokho okubhekwa njengokukhohlisa kubo. Ukudlala ngothando, umkhuba ovame ukubhekwa njengongenangozi, kungavusa impikiswano evuthayo phakathi kwemibhangqwana efuna ukuqonda ukuthi umngcele ubekwe kuphi. Iqiniso liwukuthi ukwethembeka kuyitshe lesisekelo lokwethembana nokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa , yingakho ukudlala ngothando ngesikhathi sobudlelwano kungahloniphi kakhulu. Phela, abantu badlala ngothando ukuze babonise isithakazelo sobulili, ngakho-ke okungenani, kuyisibonakaliso sesixwayiso.

Ngokuphathelene nokuthi ukudlala ngothando kuwukukhohlisa noma cha, omunye umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthi, “Ngicabanga ukuthi kuwela ngaphansi kokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo. Ngisho noma “kuyihlaya”… kukhombisa inkinga ejulile. Kungani umlingani wakho angafuna ukunikeza uhlobo olunjalo lokunaka komunye umuntu ngaphandle kwakho? Ngingathukuthela futhi ngilahlekelwe ukwethenjwa ngokushesha. Ubukhulu bokucasulwa ngokusobala buxhomeke kumongo, okuqukethwe, kanye nenhloso. Cishe akupheli ngokuzenzakalelayo ubudlelwano, kodwa kubonisa ngokuphelele isidingo sezingxoxo ezikhululekile (mhlawumbe eziqondiswa ngumelaphi) mayelana nobuhlobo, ukwethembana, kanye nemingcele.”

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Kuthiwani ngalokhu: Ingabe ukudlala ngothando kubhekwa njengokukopela ezweni eliku-inthanethi? Ngokuthakazelisayo, izifundo zithole ukuthi ukudlala ngothando endaweni engokoqobo - nomlingani oku-inthanethi, hhayi umuntu wangempela - kuyasebenza "ekugonyeleni" abantu esifisweni sokufuna ezinye izindlela zokuphila kwangempela. Intuthuko ethembisayo kubantu abalwela ukuhlala bethembekile.

Ngakho, ukudlala ngothando kuwunqamula nini umugqa ungene kulebula eqinisekile yokukopela? Ake sihlole izizathu eziyisishiyagalolunye zokusekela lesi sikhundla. Ngethemba ukuthi ikusiza ukuthi uhlole izisusa nemiphumela yezenzo zakho.

1. Ukudlala ngothando kuwuhlobo lokungathembeki ngokomzwelo

Ingabe ukuthandana nomuntu kuwukukhohlisa uma kungekho ukuthintana ngokomzimba? Kungenzeka. Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo kuwukwephulwa kokuthembana ngaphakathi kobudlelwano bothando obungahileli ukukhohlisa ngokomzimba. Kwenzeka lapho omunye umlingani eba nokuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo nomuntu ongaphandle kobudlelwano, ngokuvamile ngendlela egcinelwe umlingani wakhe oyinhloko. Lesi esinye sezizathu ezenza ukuthandana nomuntu ngesikhathi usebudlelwaneni kube ukungahloniphi okukhulu.

Nakuba ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo kuyinto engathi sína kakhulu, ukuthandana kungaba yindlela elula noma engajwayelekile yokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo. Ungase ungabelani ngemininingwane eyimfihlo ngawe nalo muntu omusha kodwa ukuthandana kwakho okungenacala kunezincazelo zocansi. Uma ukuya ocansini nomunye umuntu kuwukukhohlisa, khona-ke ukuthandana kungabhekwa njengokukhohlisa okuncane. Eqinisweni, olunye ucwaningo luchaza ukungathembeki ngokuthi “ukuziphatha okungavunyelwe ngumlingani wakho othandana naye, okwenzeka ngaphandle kobudlelwano bokuqala, futhi okungachazwa, njengocansi, ukuthandana, njll.” Yingakho ukuthandana kubalwa njengokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo.

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2. Kuhilela ukukhohlisa nokufihla

Kunini lapho ukudlala ngothando kubhekwa njengokukopela? Ukudlala ngothando ngokuvamile kwenzeka ngasese. Ngisho nalapho abanye abantu beseduze, okunye okujabulisayo kokuqomisana kuwukuthi akekho omunye owaziyo ukuthi kwenzekani phambi kwabo. Bese kuba nokudlala ngothando emsebenzini ngesikhathi nithandana, okuyinto eyimfihlo nakakhulu. Kodwa le mfihlo iwukwephula ukwethenjwa komlingani wakho futhi iphazamisa ikhanda labo ngisho noma kuyinto evamile futhi akukho ngempela ukungathembeki, ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba. Esinye isizathu esenza ukuthi ukudlala ngothando ngesikhathi sobudlelwane kuwukungahloniphi kakhulu.

Futhi ukudlala ngothando okungenangozi kuthinta kanjani ukukopela ngokomzwelo? Ukukhohlisa nokufihla kuyaphula isisekelo sobudlelwano obuhle okubangela ukuba buwohloke ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo luthole ukuthi ukukhohlisa kungangena kwezinye izindawo zobudlelwano, njengezezimali. Iphethini eqhubekayo yokukhohlisa nokufihla ingadala ukucindezeleka nokungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Lapho umlingani wakho eqaphela ukuthi ubumfihlela izinto, lokhu kukhashelwa kungaba yingozi ngokomzwelo.

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3. Ukudlala ngothando kubonisa ukukhangwa

Ingabe ukudlala ngothando kubhekwa njengokukopela ngisho noma ningathintani ngokomzimba? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele noma cha, inhloso yokudlala ngothando iwukwenza othile azizwe ekukhanga. Ngakho-ke, okubonwa ngale lens, inhloso yokuheha abanye ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele noma ngisho nokujabulisa abanye ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni kuyizenzo zokungathembeki. Ukuziphatha ngokuthandana nothile ngaphandle komlingani wakho oyinhloko kufana nokukopela. Umuntu odlala ngothando nomuntu angenza kanjalo nganoma iyiphi yalezi zinhloso:

• Ukuqinisekisa kwangaphandle: Ukudlala ngothando ngenjongo ejulile yokuheha abanye ngokuvamile kuvela ku-a isidingo sokuqinisekisa, ngaphezu kwalokho umuntu akutholayo phakathi kobambiswano lokuqala. Ukufuna ukunakwa kwabanye kunganikeza umuzwa wokufiseleka nokuzethemba
• I-Escapism: Kwabanye, ukudlala ngothando kunikeza indlela yokubalekela isimiso noma izinselele zobudlelwane babo obuzibophezele. Kungaba indlela yokuzwa injabulo yento entsha nehlukile, edala umuzwa wesasasa noma into entsha okungenzeka ukuthi ayikho ekuphileni kwabo kwansuku zonke.
• I-Ego boost: Ukudlala ngothando kungathuthukisa ukuzazisa. Ukuncoma nokubonisa isithakazelo kwabanye kungakhuphula ukuzethemba okwesikhashana. Umuntu angase angakutholi ngenye indlela lokhu kukhuthazwa kokuzethemba okuvela kubalingani bakhe noma kubo

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4. Ingakhuphukela ekukopeleni ngokuphelele

Ngisho nokudlala ngothando okungenangozi kunethonya lobulili izikhathi eziningi. Ngakho-ke, ingabe ukudlala ngothando kuwukukopela ebuhlotsheni? Yebo, ngoba uma kuyekwa kungahloliwe, kungathuthukela ezimeni ezilandelayo:

• Ngisho noma iqala ngokukhanya, ukubhuqa okudlalayo noma ukuncoma okungenangozi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuxhumana kungaqinisa imizwa yokukhanga nokulangazelela omunye umuntu.
• Lokhu kwenza kube inselele kakhulu ukugcina imingcele ecacile nabo
• Njengoba ukudlala ngothando kukhula, kungase kukhuthaze ubuhlobo obungokomzwelo nomunye umuntu
• Izibopho zomzwelo zivame ukuba izandulela zokubandakanyeka okuseduze, njengoba abantu beqala ukwabelana ngemicabango, imizwa, kanye nolwazi lomuntu siqu.
• Ukwengeza, izimpendulo ze-hedonic ebuchosheni zinzima kakhulu ukumelana. Okuqala njengokudlala ngothando okungenangozi kungase kuholele ekweqeni imingcele emisiwe phakathi kobuhlobo obuyinhloko. Lokhu kungabandakanya ukwabelana ngolwazi oluyimfihlo kakhulu, ngisho nozakwenu noma izingxabano, noma ukuzibandakanya ezingxoxweni ezivusa inkanuko
• Ukudlala ngothando kuwunqamula nini? Lapho ukudlala ngothando okungenangozi kugcina sekuyinto engenabungozi— ukusondelana ngokomzimba

5. Kudala umona nokungazethembi

Ingabe ukuthandana nomuntu kukhohlisa uma kunenhloso yokuheha abanye? Yebo, uma inhloso iwukwenza umlingani wakho abe nomona, ngokuqinisekile uyamkhohlisa. Ukungazethembi kanye nomona ebudlelwaneni kuyizindlela zokuxhumana ngokomzwelo ezingabangelwa ebudlelwaneni bothando lapho omunye umlingani eziphatha ngendlela yokuthandana noma lapho kunombono wokuthi imingcele yobudlelwano iyavivinywa.

Lokhu kuhlanganisa nalapho umlingani evumela abanye ukuba badlale naye ngothando, noma ngabe nabo abakwenzi lokho. Njengoba omunye umsebenzisi we-Reddit esho, “Isoka lami liyindoda enhle kakhulu … Uma sibheka lokhu, abesifazane abaningi abahlangana nabo kwezemidlalo nasemsebenzini bayadlala ngothando futhi babonisa isithakazelo sothando kuye naphezu kokwazi ukuthi usebudlelwaneni.

Kwezinye izimo, bakwenza phambi kwami ​​futhi basho izinto ezimbi ngemuva kwami ​​kuyilapho bezenza abahle futhi bajabule phambi kwesoka lami. Isho lokhu kungazethembi, kodwa kuyakhula okukhathazayo ngenxa yokuntula inhlonipho kwalaba besifazane ngobudlelwano bethu futhi kungenza ngibe umuntu engingeyena (ohlale ngiqaphile futhi nginovalo uma ephakathi kwabesifazane).”

6. Uwela ogibeni lokuqhathanisa

Ukuqhathanisa ebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele kuvame ukubangela imizwa yokungazethembi . Kungabangelwa lapho omunye umlingani edlala ngothando nomunye umuntu, ikakhulukazi lapho umlingani othintekile esevele ebhekene nesikhathi esinzima. Izenzo ezinjalo zokungazweli zingalimaza ubuhlobo. Umlingani ozizwa eqhathaniswa nabanye angase abe nenzondo, enomuzwa wokuthi akasoze aphila ngokuvumelana nesithombe esihle umlingani wakhe anaso ngabanye. Empeleni ukhohlisa umlingani wakho ngokuzinza ebudlelwaneni.

7. Kwehlisa ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo

Ukuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzwelo kuncike ekuxhumaneni okuphumelelayo . Lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani behlanganyela ekuziphatheni kothando futhi begodla ulwazi noma imizwa, ukuhamba kokuxhumana okuvulekile kungaba nzima. Lokhu kungaholela ekungaqondani, ekuchazeni kabi, nasezinkingeni ezingaxazululwanga.

Amandla angokomzwelo okufanele aqondiswe ekukhuliseni ubudlelwano angase aqondiswe kwabanye. Lokhu kutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bangaphandle kungaholela ekunganakeni kobambiswano lokuqala. Ngakho-ke, uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe ukudlala ngothando kuwukukopela?”, cabanga ngomphumela ukudlala kwakho ngothando ekusondeleni nesithandwa sakho.

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8. Ukudlala ngothando kuqeda ukwethembana

Umlingani odlala ngothando nabanye angase aqede ukwethembana, ikakhulukazi uma ukudlala ngothando kuwumkhuba. Ukuwohloka okukhulu kokuthembana kungaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo:

• Ukutshela uphathina othintekayo ukuthi “kuwukudlala ngothando okungenacala” kwenza imizwa yakhe ibe semthethweni futhi kuhlanganisa uhlobo lokukhanyisa igesi
• Kungaholela ekuhlukaneni ngokomzwelo, ukusola okungapheli, futhi, ezimweni ezinzima, ukuqedwa kobudlelwano.
• Umlingani ozizwa ekhashiwe ngeke akwazi ukwethemba iqiniso elilodwa lomlingani wakhe phakathi kwamanga amaningi

Kubalulekile ukubhekana nalolu daba futhi nixoxe ngemingcele ngaphambi kokuthi ukwethembana kwenu nobabili kuphele nya. Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kuthatha isikhathi nomzamo kubo bobabili abalingani. Kubandakanya ukuxhumana okumnene, okusobala, ukubeka nokuhlonipha imingcele, ukubhekana nezinkinga eziholele ekuqhekekeni, kanye nokubonisa ukwethembeka nokwethembeka okungaguquki.

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9. Kwephula izivumelwano zobudlelwano

Izivumelwano zobudlelwano zingahlanganisa inhlobonhlobo yemithetho nemingcele, kuye ngezidingo ezithile kanye nokuthandwa ngabantu abahililekile. Izivumelwano ezivamile zihlanganisa imihlahlandlela ehlobene nokuba nomfazi oyedwa, ukuhluka, izingxoxo nabanye, kanye nemingcele yokusebenzelana komphakathi noma ngokomzimba ngaphandle kobudlelwano.

Ukungazinaki noma ukwephula imingcele yomlingani wakho ngokuthandana ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni obuzinikele kuwukwephula imithetho yobudlelwano . Lokhu kwephulwa kwemithetho kuthinta ngqo ukwethembana, okuholela ekulahlekelweni kokwaneliseka kobudlelwano okungaba nzima ukukulungisa. Ubungeke ulungele ukwephula isivumelwano somsebenzi, pho kungani ungahloniphi isivumelwano sobudlelwano ngokuthandana emsebenzini ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni? Noma ngokushaya umngane omusha onezinhloso umlingani wakho akuxwayise ngazo?

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Ukuthandana kungalimaza kanjani umlingani wakho? Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukuthandana ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni obuzinikele kungaba nemiphumela eminingana eyingozi, okuthinta ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano kanye nenhlalakahle kanye nempilo yengqondo yabalingani bobabili. Ucwaningo luthi, "Ukuxhumana ku-inthanethi nabantu ongabazi abakhangayo kunikeza amandla engeziwe adingekayo ukuze kulandelwe injabulo yesikhashana kunomgomo wesikhathi eside wokulondoloza ubuhlobo."

Nazi izindlela eziyisikhombisa ezingaba yingozi uma ukudlala ngothando kweqa umugqa:

1. Ibanga elingokomzwelo

Ukujabulisa abanye ngesikhathi nisebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekuqhelelaneni ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani. Uma umuntu oyedwa eziphatha ngendlela yokuthandana, kungadala umuzwa wokuhlukana ngokomzwelo, okwenza kube nzima ukulondoloza ukusondelana okudingekayo ukuze kube nobudlelwano obuqinile nobanelisayo.

2. Ukucasuka nobuhlungu

Umlingani ozizwa elimele noma ekhashelwe ukuziphatha kokudlala ngothando angase abe nemizwa yokucasuka nokulimala. Le mizwa elimele ingahlala futhi idale ukuhlukana ebuhlotsheni obudinga isikhathi nomzamo ukuze buphole.

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3. Ukuhlukana kokuxhumana

Ukuthandana kungaholela ekuwohlokeni kokukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembeka . Abalingani bangase bangabi nesithakazelo esikhulu sokwabelana ngemicabango, imizwa, kanye nokukhathazeka kwabo ngenxa yokwesaba ukwahlulelwa noma izingxabano zangaphambilini ezihlobene nokuziphatha kothando.

4. Ukusondelana okunezinkinga

Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba kungase kukhinyabezwe kakhulu ukudlala ngothando. Umuntu ohlanganyela ekuziphatheni kokushela angase afake amandla angokomzwelo ngaphandle kobudlelwano, ashiye umlingani wakhe ezizwa enganakiwe futhi ekude ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi.

5. Ukungathembi izinhloso

Ukudlala ngothando kuvame ukuholela ekutheni umlingani abe nokungabaza ngezinhloso zomuntu othanda ukudlala ngothando. Lokhu kuntuleka kokuthembana kungadlulela ngale kwesimo esithile, kubangele ukungathembani okuqhubekayo ebudlelwaneni.

6. Umthelela wokuzethemba

Uzakwethu ozizwa eqhathaniswa noma esongelwa omunye umuntu angase ahlangabezane nokuncipha kokuzethemba nokuzihlonipha. Lokhu kuqhathanisa kungaholela emizweni yokungafaneleki nokungazethembi, noma ukuntuleka kokukhanga okucatshangwayo, okungaba nomthelela omubi empilweni yabo yengqondo.

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7. Amathuba okuqhubeka nokungathembeki

Ukuziphatha kokudlala ngothando kungase kukhule futhi kuholele ezinhlotsheni ezimbi kakhulu zokungathembeki, njengezindaba ezingokomzwelo noma izindaba zomzimba. Lezi zenzo zingaba nemiphumela ejulile ebudlelwaneni, okuholela ekwephuleni okukhulu kokwethembana nokulimala ngokomzwelo.

Ukufingqa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukudlala ngothando kuthathwa njengokungathembeki, umonakalo ongawubangela ebuhlotsheni bokuzinikela ucacile. Ukudlala ngothando kungase kubangele ukungathembani, kudale izikhala ezingokomzwelo, futhi kutshale imbewu yokucasuka, konke okungathunaza amandla ayinhloko obudlelwano obuphumelelayo. Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembeka, ukwakha ukwethembana, nokuhloniphana kume njengamathuluzi abalulekile ekugcineni ubungqabavu banoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Ngakho-ke, ingabe ukudlala ngothando kubhekwa njengokukopela? Kukuwe ukuthi uxoxisane nomlingani wakho ngemingcele bese nizinqumela.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.