Amathiphu ayi-18 Athembisayo Okusinda Ekungethembeki Ebudlelwaneni — Komkhapheli Nabakhashelwa

Ukuzama ukusinda ekungathembeki kuyinto yokugcina engqondweni yanoma ubani lapho kutholakala ukujola komlingani wakhe. Iningi lifuna ukuklebhula amakhanda abalingani babo. Ezimbalwa zingase zibe kancane kancane, ezidonswe ngaphandle, izindlela ezidabukisayo ezifana no-Amy in Uhambile Intombazane. Kulabo abanenhlonipho enempilo ngomthetho, ukuhlukana kuwukuphela kwento okumelwe yenziwe ngemva kokuhlangenwe nakho okulimaza kanjalo. Abanye abantu bangase bafune ukuziphindiselela. 

Ngokuyinhloko ngenxa yokuthi ulaka, ukushaqeka, nokululazeka umuntu akuzwayo njengoba umlingani okhashiwe akulula ukubhekana nakho. Uma umuntu efuna ukukhohlwa yikho konke aqhubeke, ngeke umsole. Kodwa futhi awukwazi ukusola umuntu ongase afune ukucisha inkinobho ethi “Qalisa kabusha” futhi aqale impilo entsha. Ukuze ngiqonde inkimbinkimbi yokuphulukisa othandweni lwangaphandle, ngakhuluma noDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), onguchwepheshe kwezokwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kanye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy futhi wazuza ukuqonda okusha kobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi.

Ingabe Ubuhlungu Bokungathembeki Buke Buphele?

Ukungathembeki esimweni sanamuhla akuhlanganisi nje ukuziphatha okubi kobulili ngaphandle kobudlelwane kodwa ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo, i-cybersex, ukukopela ku-inthanethi, nokubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile lapho umlingani wabo engakhululekile ngakho, futhi. Ubuhlungu obujulile obuvela ekungathembeki kuzo zonke lezi zimo kungenxa:

• Ukuqhathwa kungase kuzwakale njengokukhaphela ebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa, obuzibophezele
• Kungase futhi kuveze umuzwa wokuthi nguwe kuphela onecala lokungaphumeleli kobudlelwano
• Isambulo singenza umngane womshado okhashiwe abuze iqiniso kanye nobunikazi bakhe
• Ukuqhathwa kungase kuthinte ukuzethemba komuntu njengoba kusikiselwa ngu ucwaningo

In ucwaningo, kwaphawulwa ukuthi ukululama ekungathembekeni kungase kuthathe isikhathi esingaphezu kwezinyanga eziyisithupha, kuze kube yiminyaka emithathu. UDkt Bhonsle iphakamisa, "Nakuba amamodeli ahlukene ephakamisa izikhathi ezihlukene zokululama ekungathembeki, ukululama ngempumelelo ebuhlungwini bokungathembeki kuncike kakhulu kubantu abasebudlelwaneni kanye nobudlelwano obunamandla." Kodwa-ke, ubuhlungu bungase bungapheli ngokuphelele, kodwa wena nomlingani wakho ningakwazi ukubhekana nakho uma nisebenza kubo.

Ingabe Kungenzeka Ukusinda Ekungethembeki?

Yebo no cha. Ucwaningo ibonise ukuthi ukucindezeleka okuhlobene nokungathembeki kungaveza izimpawu ezifana ne-PTSD. Kungase kube nomuzwa wokuthi ukulahlekelwa othile, njengoba kulokhu, ulahlekelwe hhayi nje umlingani, kodwa ingxenye yakho ngaphambi kolwazi lomcimbi. Ukuze kugcinwe ubudlelwano, into eyinhloko ukuthethelela, okuncike kulokhu okuguquguqukayo okulandelayo:

• Uma ubuhlobo benu bebuvele busemadwaleni ngaphambi kokuba omunye wenu akhohlise omunye, mancane kakhulu amathuba okukulungisa.
• Izinga eliphezulu lokuzibophezela liphumela ezingeni eliphezulu lokuhlukumezeka, ngaleyo ndlela kunciphe amathuba okuxolelana ebudlelwaneni njengoba kuphakanyiswe yilokhu. ucwaningo
• Lokhu ucwaningo wabuye wabonisa ukuthi amathuba okusinda ekungathembeki ayanda emibhangqwaneni enokwehlukana okuphezulu kobuntu, okungukuthi ikhono lokuhlukanisa imicabango nemizwa. Imibhangqwana enokuhluka okuphansi kokuzibona yabona ukungezwani okukhulu ngokomzwelo futhi kwabikwa ukuthi kunjalo ukuphuma othandweni emva kokungathembeki

Imaphi Amaphesenti Emishado Asinda Ekungethembekeni?

Ucwaningo iphakamisa ukuthi u-53% wemibhangqwana engathembeki uhlukanisile phakathi neminyaka engu-5, uma kuqhathaniswa no-23% wemibhangqwana engathembeki. Nakuba lezi zibalo zingazwakali zinethemba elikhulu, lokho kungenxa yokuthi ukusabela ekungathembeki kungase kube okucabangelayo kakhulu.

Kuya ngokuthi umuntu ukuchaza kanjani ukusinda ekungathembekeni. U-Esther Perel, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esidume umhlaba wonke, uyachaza encwadini yakhe Isimo Sezindaba: Ukucabanga Kabusha Ukungathembeki, imibhangqwana eyasinda ekungathembeki ingahlukaniswa ngezigaba ezintathu:

• Abahluphekayo: Laba yibo abahlala ndawonye kodwa benomunyu njalo, benza umdlalo wokusola ongapheli, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi basabhekana nokungathembeki eminyakeni edlule.
• Abakhi kabusha: Izithandani eziqhubekela phambili ngokucindezela umcimbi, ngenxa nje yokuzinikela, ngaphandle kokwenza izinguquko ezinhle ebudlelwaneni
• Abahloli: Lezi yizithandani ezisinde ekungathembekeni ngokucubungula umcimbi ngendlela enempilo, zikhula ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo, nokuguqula ubuhlobo bube obungcono

UPerel uphakamisa ukuthi ukuba umbhangqwana wabahloli bamazwe kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokusinda othandweni. Nokho, umshado awufani neze ngemva kokungathembeki, futhi imibhangqwana yalolu hlobo ayivamile, njengoba kusikisela lokhu. ucwaningo. Nokho, abantu bangase bakhethe ukuhlala emshadweni ongajabulisi futhi ongenalo uthando ngenxa yezizathu ezinjengokuncika ngokwezimali umthelela ojulile wokuhlukana ezinganeni, kanye nokungalingani emphakathini phakathi kobulili. 

UDkt. Bhonsle uyasikisela, “Ezweni elingokoqobo, umuntu uyohlale efuna ukuvunyelwa uhlobo oluthile emphakathini, kodwa lokho kugunyazwa kungase kungahambisani nezifiso zalowo muntu. Amanye amaqembu aphikisanayo azohlala ekhona. Ngakho, udinga ukucaciseleka ngokuthi iyini imigomo yakho ebuhlotsheni nokuthi uma le migomo ichazwa nguwe noma iphuma esidingweni sakho sokugunyazwa umphakathi”

Amathiphu angu-9 Okusinda Ekungathembeki - Komkhapheli

Nakuba izifundo nocwaningo lungasinika umbono wokuthi umbhangqwana ovamile ubhekana kanjani nokungathembeki, zonke izimo zihlukile. Abanye abantu bakhetha ukuhamba ngezindlela ezihlukene. Futhi kungase kube nezizathu ezimbalwa ngemuva kwalezo zinqumo. Kodwa uma wena nomlingani wakho nifuna ukunika ubudlelwano benu elinye ithuba, asikho isidingo sokuthi nichazele noma ubani izizathu zenu. Uma ufuna ukusinda ekungathembeki futhi ubuyisele ubudlelwano bakho, ikakhulukazi ngemuva kokuthi ubazwise ubuhlungu, kufanele wenze umzamo: 

1. Kumele ucele intethelelo

Uma ngithi ngiyaxolisa angisho ukuhlehla namagama angenalutho. Ukwazi ukuthi umuntu othandana naye ubebakhohlisa kungamhlukumeza kakhulu. Ezimweni ezithile zezenhlalo nezenkolo, kungalulaza futhi kungaholela ekukhishweni kwawo wonke umndeni emphakathini. Kufanele uxolise kubo ngokungagcini ngokukhohlisa kodwa ubenze bazizwe belulazekile, bekhashiwe, futhi bengafaneleki.

• Kumele wazi ukuthi uxolisa ngani. Uxolisa ngoba kuyisono enkolweni yakho noma ngoba uhlukumeze umuntu wakho? Ngaphandle uma ukwazi ngokweqiniso, ngeke wazi ukuthi ungakwenza kubo
• Isho. Ungalindeli ukuthi ukuthinta kwakho kukwenzele iqhinga. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Isinyathelo sokuqala isiteji sokululama ukungathembeki. Uma ungakwazi ngisho nokudlula esinyathelweni sokuqala, ungalindela kanjani ukuthi bakwethembe ngokuqeda zonke izinyathelo” 
• Nokho, banikeze isikhathi abasidingayo ukuze bacubungule imizwa yabo. Kudingeka ube nokuqonda uma ufuna ukukwenza kusebenze. Kufanele futhi wazi ukuthi bangase bafune noma bangabe besafuna ukuba nawe. Kunoma ikuphi, kufanele ukulungele ukwamukela isinqumo sabo

2. Udinga ukulalela umlingani wakho

Umlingani wakho angase abe nezinto eziningi azokutshela zona ngalesi sikhathi, eziningi zazo ezizozizwa njengezinsolo ngezinto ezingahlobene nhlobo. Kodwa kunjalo ngobudlelwane ukuthi ukukhuluma ngendaba eyodwa kuholela kwenye. Balalele. Lesi yisihluthulelo sokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho.

• Kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho angase aqale ukukhononda ngezindaba ezingahlobene, isibonelo, ukuntula ukusekelwa ekhishini. Esikhundleni sokuzizwa uhlaselwa ngokungafanele, kuvume lokhu
• Ukuntuleka kwamandla okungafani ngokuvamile kuyisizathu sokungathembeki. Lokhu kusho ukuthi kufanele kwenziwe ukulungisa okuthile empilweni yakho yansuku zonke. Thatha igxathu elihle esikhundleni sokukuthatha njengokuphazamiseka
• Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi ukungazethembi kwangaphambilini kozakwenu kungase kubangele. Lokhu kwenzeka ngokujwayelekile ngemva kokukopela emshadweni. Balalele futhi ubone ukuthi ungabanikeza kanjani usizo kulezo zindawo

3. Kufanele uzame ukwelulekwa kwabashadile

Abantu bangase bakuthole kunzima ukukhuluma nomunye umuntu ngezizathu eziningana. Abafuni ukwabelana ngento yomuntu siqu nomunye umuntu noma bavume ukuthi benze okuthile okungalungile. Kodwa njengomuntu obenecala lokuhlukumeza isithandwa sakho, kumele ukwazi ukwamukela ukushiyeka kwakho. UDkt. Bhonsle uyasikisela, “Udinga umlamuli wohlobo oluthile. Abeluleki bemishado baqeqeshelwe lokhu. Ukweluleka akuhlosile ukugcina abalingani bendawonye noma ukubahlukanisa. Kuhlose ukuthola ikhambi elingcono kakhulu labo bobabili abathintekayo. Isinqumo nomzamo wokuhlala ndawonye noma ukuhlukana kuyodingeka uqhamuke kubalingani hhayi umeluleki.” Ngo I-Bonobology, sinephaneli enhle kakhulu yabeluleki nochwepheshe bazo zonke izindaba zakho zomshado.

Thembeka ezikhathini zakho zokwelulekwa ukuze kusebenze. Abeluleki bemishado baqeqeshelwe ukubona ama-bluffs noma kunjalo, futhi uzogcina ulahlekelwe ukwethemba futhi. Yabelana ngalokho ozizwa unecala noma uxolisa ngakho. Iseshini ayikona nje ukulalela lokho umlingani wakho akushoyo, kodwa nalokho ozokusho. Ayichemi noma igxile kuzakwethu oyedwa kuphela

4. Sebenza ekulungiseni ngenkuthalo

Noma ungaya kokwelulekwa kwabashadikazi wenze zonke izivivinyo umeluleki akucela ukuba uzenze, ngeke kusebenze ngaphandle kokuthi ufake inhliziyo yakho kukho. Ukuzisola nokuba nomuzwa wecala kungase kube buhlungu, kodwa awukwazi ukulindela ukuba izinto zibe ngcono kanjalo nje. 

• Ungamane udlulele phambili. Vula umeluleki. Zama ukungena engxoxweni
• Cela umlingani wakho ukusikisela ngalokho abakufunayo ebudlelwaneni. Batshele ukuthi yini oyifunayo. Zamani ukuhlangana phakathi
• Kudingeka futhi ube nemigomo enengqondo. Ukucabanga ukuthi uzokwazi ukukhohlwa indaba bese uqhubekela phambili sengathi akwenzekanga lutho akuyona umgomo ongokoqobo. Udinga ukukhomba izinhloso ezingokoqobo ezicacile, njengokuxhumana okuthuthukisiwe, ukubandakanyeka ezinqumweni zobudlelwano, ukubamba iqhaza emisebenzini, njll.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela yokugcina A Guy Nentshisekelo? Izindlela Ezingu-13 Zokugcina Umshado

5. Izimpawu ukuthi umshado wakho uzosinda ekungathembekeni — Uzizwa uzisola

Qaphela ukuthi igama elingukhiye esihlokweni lithi “uzizwa”, hhayi “ukubonisa”. Awukwazi ukwenza ngokuzisola. Noma ungakwazi, izenzo zakho zizokufakazela okuhlukile. Uma uzizwe uzisola ngeqiniso ngemva kokulimaza umlingani wakho, kusesekhona ithuba lokuthi ulondoloze ubuhlobo bakho.

• Ufuna ukuba umuntu ongcono. Uyabuzwa ubuhlungu babo futhi ungakuxwayi. Uma ubalekela ubuhlungu, ubheka izinto ozoziphazamisa ngazo. Ekugcineni, uqala ukukuthatha kalula futhi ungase ubuyele kuphethini efanayo
• Ngisho noma uzama ukuzwelana nomlingani wakho ukuze uqonde ukuthi umphathe kabi kanjani, kungase kube a uphawu lokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo ukuqhathanisa umbono wakho wobuhlungu noma owomunye umuntu nabo. Wonke umuntu uhlukile futhi awukwazi ukubahlulela ngokulimala benze into ongase uyibheke njengelungile
• Yazi ukuthi ukulandela ikhodi yezenkolo noma yokuziphatha ukuze uhlengwe akwanele ngempela. Usadinga ukulungisa nomlingani wakho

6. Udinga ukucubungula imizwa yakho

Kubalulekile ukucubungula imizwa yakho ngendlela enempilo ngoba ukwenza kanjalo kungaholela ekuhlukumezekeni eminyakeni eminingi kamuva. Ukubhekana nokungathembeki ngemva kweminyaka eminingi ngemva kokuqongelela imizwelo yayo yonke leyo minyaka kungaba okubuhlungu. Udinga ukubhekana nayo manje, kuyilapho ingakavuthi. Lokhu kungenziwa ngezinyathelo ezine:

• Qaphela ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Kukhona ngokuvamile plethora of imizwa umuntu adlula kuyo ngemva kokuqhathwa. Qaphela ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Ingabe ihlazo, ukululazeka, intukuthelo, ukucasuka, impindiselo, noma, impumuzo?
• Zivumele ukuthi uzwe lokho okuzwayo. Kuvame ukuba buhlungu futhi iningi lethu liye lafunda ukuxosha noma yimuphi umcabango obuhlungu. Kodwa udinga ukuzizwa futhi ungaziphazamisi emicabangweni yakho. Ungase ufune ukukhala, noma ukuklabalasa, noma ukulahla izinto. Khipha ubuhlungu bakho. Kodwa bhekana nakho
• Hlola imicabango yakho. Uma usuyikhiphile imizwa yakho, cabanga ukuthi kungani uzizwa ngale ndlela. Yini oyihlobanisa nobuhlungu bakho, futhi ngani? Kungani kubuhlungu kangaka? Ungazihluleli wena noma umlingani wakho. Lo msebenzi uhloselwe kakhulu ukuthi uziqonde wena kunomlingani wakho
• Qinisekisa imizwa yakho. Ungadeleli noma ube namahloni ngemizwa yakho. Ukuzwa okuthile akukwenzi ufebe noma ube nengane, kukwenza umuntu, futhi ukuqinisekisa imizwa yakho kukwenza uvuthwe ngokomzwelo.

7. Awusaxhumani 'nalowo muntu'

Ukunqamula bonke ubuhlobo nomuntu omkhohlise kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana. Kungase kungenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi, ikakhulukazi uma ukopelile nomuntu osebenza naye noma ilungu lomndeni. Kodwa ukuzama ukuqhela ngangokunokwenzeka kusazokubala.

• Kucacele lo muntu ukuthi uyamthanda umlingani wakho futhi ufuna ukwenza ubudlelwano benu busebenze. Kungase konakale noma kungenzeki. Noma ngabe yikuphi, ukuvala kubalulekile
• Uma ukwazi, thuthela endaweni entsha noma emsebenzini. Lokhu kunganciphisa noma yiziphi izibangeli zomzimba
• Abantu abaningi bayathanda ukukholelwa ukuthi ungaba umngane nomuntu owakopela naye. Abanye abantu bangakwenza mhlawumbe. Kodwa ukubabona futhi kungase kubangele impendulo ye-dopamine umuntu ayithola ngesikhathi sokuthatheka noma ucansi. I-Dopamine nayo iyi-hormone ebangela ukulutheka. Yingakho, ukukopela kuyalutha. Scott Haltzman, umbhali we Izimfihlo Zokusinda Ekungethembekeni ukubiza ngokuthi "ukulutha ilangabi". Ukukufingqa, ukuhlala uxhumene nalo muntu kungenye yezinto amaphutha okubuyisana emshadweni okufanele uwagweme ngemva kokungathembeki 

8. Uzibophezela ngezenzo zakho

Ukukhombisa ukuthi uzimisele ngokulungisa ubudlelwano bakho kanye nokwenza kumlingani wakho, udinga ukuzibophezela. Xolisa futhi ubatshele ukuthi ufuna ukwenza umzamo. Banike isikhala uma befuna, kodwa ube khona uma bekudinga.

• Uma ukholelwa ukuthi awunalo iphutha, kodwa kukhona omunye umuntu noma ezinye izimo, kusho ukuthi ungakwenza futhi noma nini lapho lezi zimo zizokwenzeka. 

• Yenza ukuhlolwa kwe-STD kwenziwe wena nomlingani wakho
• Kungase kudingeke ukuthi wabelane ngemininingwane ethile yendaba, kodwa ungadweba umugqa uma kukwenza ungakhululeki. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukwabelana ngendlela eqondile kulindelekile lapho ubamba iqhaza ophenyweni njengendlela yokubonisa ukholo. Kodwa, ukulindela ukuthi omunye uzakwethu adlule kukho ngisho nangemva kweminyaka kuwukugxambukela kubumfihlo bakhe.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindaba Eziku-inthanethi Zilungisa Kabusha Umbono Wokwethembeka Emshadweni Wesimanje

9. Yilungiselele imibuzo

Umlingani wakho angase afune noma angafuni ukwazi yonke imininingwane yokungathembeki kwakho. Kuzoba nzima, kodwa njengoba uwena owabalimaza, kuzoba phezu kwakho ukwabelana ngemininingwane. Kuzokonakala, futhi kungase kube nobudlova, kodwa kufanele udlule kukho.

• Ungangabazi ubuhlakani babo futhi usho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Kungcono uma ungazi.” Ayikho into evusa ilukuluku noma ukucabanga ngokweqile njengokunqatshelwa ukwazi okuthile.
• Ungabelani ngokweqile. Kulula ukugcina ukwabelana okungaphezu kwalokho abakwazi ukukuphatha. Phendula imibuzo yabo ngeqiniso, kodwa ungangeni emininingwaneni uma bethi abafuni ukuyizwa
• Okubaluleke kakhulu, ungazigabisi. Ungalandisi izehlakalo kube sengathi kukhona okufezile. Futhi, isikhathi sokucubungula imizwa nokukhomba izizathu sizofika, ungagxili kokuthi “Ngenze lokhu ngoba wenze lokho” okwamanje. Banike nje izimpendulo zalokho abakubuzayo
• Zama ukungathembeki nakwezinye izici. Njengoba kuwumsebenzi omkhulu ukuthi umlingani wakho aphinde akwethembe, ngisho namanga amancane amhlophe angawavusa. Ukulahlekelwa okuphelele kokwethembeka kuvame ukwenzeka ubudlelwano ngaphandle kokwethembana. Ungaqambi amanga ngisho noma ucabanga ukuthi kungabalimaza

Amathiphu angu-9 Okusinda Ekungethembekeni - Kwabakhashiwe

Kuvame ukuba nzima kakhulu kumlingani oye wakhohliswa. I-PTSD ebangelwa ukungathembeki ingaba nomthelela ongokwengqondo wesikhathi eside. Kwabanye abantu, kuwuphawu suka ekungathembekeni. Kodwa uma ufuna ukusinda ekungathembeki futhi ubuyisele ubuhlobo bakho, udinga ukukucubungula konke ngendlela enempilo. Ake siqonde ukuthi kanjani:

1. Kufanele uvume imizwa yakho

Uzodlula emizweni eminingi. Okufanele ukukhumbule ukuthi akuyona yonke le mizwa ehlobene ngqo nokungathembeki komlingani wakho. Ezinye zazo zingase ziqale ngenxa yokuthi ukukhohliswa kungase kubangele ezinye izehlakalo ezibuhlungu zesikhathi esidlule, njengokuzizwa ulahliwe.

• Veza ukusabela okukhiqizwa yile mizwa kuwe. Njengokukhala, noma ukuklabalasa. Ungaziphazamisi kulokhu
• Zinike isikhathi sokucubungula imizwa yakho. Thola ukuthi kungani uzizwa lokho okuzwayo. Ingabe kukhona okwakudala oxhumanisa nalokhu
• Phakathi nale nqubo, khumbula ukuthi akulona iphutha lakho. Ukuzizwa unamahloni ngokungathembeki kozakwenu kuwumphumela wesimo somphakathi lapho ukukhohliswa kubhalwe ukuthi uyimpahla esele. Ubungeke ukuvimbele ukube ubumncane/umuhle/unohlobo oluthile lomzimba/ungowomphakathi. Izizathu zokuthi abantu bakopele ebudlelwaneni akusho lutho ngaso sonke isikhathi nomuntu oshade naye

2. Kudingeka ugweme ukweqisa

Kungenzeka ukuthi uzwile ukuthi noma yini eyeqisayo ingabulala. Kuyiqiniso nasebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, kufanele ugweme noma yikuphi ukweqisa. Khumbula, kufanele udlule kulokhu “njengosindile” hhayi “isisulu”.

• Ungakuthathi buthule bese uyibhola phezulu ngethemba lokuthi uzokhohlwa yikho. Izehlakalo ezibuhlungu zivame ukubonakala kamuva ekuphileni. Udinga ukuyicubungula ngendlela enempilo ukuze uphile impilo enenjongo
• Ungaziphathi ngodlame futhi. Ungabi nolaka ngokomzimba noma uqale ukucekela phansi izinto zakhe. Ungaziphathi ngokuphazima kweso futhi
• Cabanga ngezenzo zakho kahle ngaphambi kokuzenza. Kungase kuzwakale kukuhle ukusabela ngendlela engokwemvelo, kodwa ungase ugcine ucekele phansi wonke amathuba okwenza kamuva noma okubi nakakhulu ukwenza okuthile okungekho emthethweni.

3. Nidinga ukuvulelana isifuba 

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukwethemba umngane wakho womshado kuhlale kuwukugxuma kokholo.” Awukwazi ukumenza asayine incwadi noma umenze enze uhlobo oluthile lokuzisola ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi ngeke aphinde axege. Kodwa uma unesizathu esanele sokukholelwa ukuthi uyaxolisa ngempela ngokukuzwisa ubuhlungu futhi ufuna ukulungisa ubuhlobo, ungamnika ithuba.

• Khuluma nabo ngalokho okufanele ukwenze ukuze ubathembe. Kungaba ukuyeka ukuxhumana nomuntu abakopele naye, noma kungaba ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nawe. Kodwa kufanele ukhulume ngalokhu
• Ngesikhathi esifanayo, babuze ukuthi yini abayidingayo ebudlelwaneni ukuze bazizwe benelisekile. Ukulalela kubalulekile xhumana kangcono nomlingani wakho
• Chithani isikhathi ninobabili uma nizizwa nikhululeke ngokwanele. Khuluma ubusuku bonke. Yenza noma yini obona ukuthi iyadingeka ukuze uvuselele ukusondelana. Khumbula ukuthi kuningi kuphela umeluleki angakuzuza. Ekugcineni, nguwe nobabili enidinga ukusebenza.

4. Kudingeka ubheke iseluleko sochwepheshe kanye nenhloso

UDkt. Bhonsle uyeluleka, “Amalungu omkhaya nabangane bangase bangabi nenjongo ekuhloleni kwabo ubuhlobo. Funa iqembu ukuze uthole ukusekelwa phakathi nalesi sikhathi. Kodwa, udinga umuntu onomgomo wokulamula. Ilungu lomkhaya noma umpristi omdala uyokwenza lokho inqobo nje uma benenhloso kulesi simo.”

• Kwamanye amasiko, imikhaya mikhulu, futhi ukuhileleka kuyo kungase kuphazamise ubuhlobo phakathi kwamanye amalungu omkhaya
• Uma uthola ukuthi iqembu lakho lokusekela kungenzeka lizama ukulawula isinqumo sakho, kuwumqondo omuhle ukubazisa ukuthi awukhululekile ngokugxambukela kwabo.
• Umshado awufani neze ngemva kokungathembeki, ikakhulukazi ezinganeni ezibhekene nezimo zokudideka nokukhathazeka. Ungazibandakanyi izingane njengama-pawn kugeyimu yokusola engenzi lutho

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5. Udinga ukukhomba imingcele

Uma usunqume ukuthi ufuna ukunika ubudlelwano bakho elinye ithuba, udinga ukukhomba imingcele okhululekile ngayo nomlingani wakho. Le mingcele ihlanganisa ukusondelana nokuziphatha nabanye abantu. Lokhu kungasiza ekunciphiseni ukucabanga ngokweqile njengokuthi, “Ingabe uyakopela noma ngiyahlanya?"

• Khuluma nabo uma ungafuni ukuthi bazibandakanye nanoma yibaphi abantu abathile, noma hlobo luni lokuxhumana abangaba nalo ngaphandle kokukwenza ungakhululeki.
• Ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa kungaba enye yezimbangela zokungathembeki. Gqamisa uma ucabanga ukuthi umlutha wabo kungenzeka uyaphuma esandleni
• Uma umlingani wakho esecwile ezenzweni zocansi, ukuphakamisa imingcele kungase kungenele. UDkt. Bhonsle uyasikisela, “Kudingeka uthintane nomelaphi njengoba umeluleki angase angakwazi ukukusiza ukuba ubhekane nokuluthwa ubulili”

6. Thola izindlela ezinempilo zokuthethelela umlingani wakho

Ngokuvumelana ne ucwaningo, intethelelo ingenye yezimpawu ukuthi umshado wakho uzosinda ekungathembekeni. Nokho, ngaphambi kokuba ubathethelele, qiniseka ukuthi baxolisa ngempela, futhi bayazisola, futhi bafuna ukwenza ubuhlobo busebenze. Ukuthethelela umlingani okhohlisayo ongazisoli kungenzeka kumenze akwenze futhi.

• Uma unquma ukubathethelela, kwenze ngaphandle kwemibandela. Ungabacela ukuthi babonane nomeluleki wabashadikazi noma bahlukane nomuntu abahileleke naye, kodwa ukubacela ukuthi benze izinto ezingelona iqiniso noma ezingahlobene njengokucela ukunqamula ukuxhumana namalungu omndeni ongawathandi noma ukushintsha imisebenzi akulungile futhi kuyathengiselana.
• Ukuthethelela umngane womshado ongathembekile akulula futhi akulula. Gqamisa lokhu kumlingani wakho badinga ukubekezela ukuze ukwazi thethelela ngemva kokukopela ngokomzwelo. Uma kungenzeka, hlalani nihlukene isikhathi esithile ukuze ninikeze nobabili isikhala esanele nesikhathi sokubhekana nobuhlungu ngesivinini senu

7. Kufanele ube nozwelo

Uma umlingani wakho esevumelene nanoma yimiphi imibandela oye wayibeka ukuze umethembe futhi, esebonise ukuzisola, futhi ebambe iqhaza ekwenzeni ubudlelwano benu busebenze, udinga ukukhombisa ububele. Kusobala ukuthi sebekulungele ukuhamba bazohlangana nawe, kodwa udinga ukuhlangana nabo phakathi nendawo.

• Lalela uhlangothi lwabo ngesineke ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Lokhu kunzima kakhulu ngokushesha ngemva kokuthola ukungathembeki kwabo. Yingakho ubeke lesi sinyathelo kuphela uma usubonile ukuthi nobabili nifuna ukunikeza ubudlelwano ithuba lesibili
• Khuluma nabo futhi ufunde isizathu sokuziphatha kwabo. Cabanga ngalokho esikhathini esidlule okwabathonya ukuba babe ngale ndlela, noma yiziphi izimo ezibenze bakwenza, ikuphi ukuziphatha kwakho okwaba nomthelela kulokhu, nokuthi kungani uzwa lokho okuzwayo.
• Kudingeka futhi ube nobubele kuwena. Qinisekisa ukuthi udla ngendlela efanele, noma ulala ngokwanele. Kungase kube nomuzwa wokuthi iziphazamiso, njengokulahleka emsebenzini noma ukudla ngokweqile ngenkathi ubuka i-Netflix ebusuku kakhulu, kuyasiza kodwa akunjalo. Zinike ukudla okwanele, ukuzivocavoca, kanye zijwayeze ukucabanga

8. Awuyivezi kamuva

Izithandani eziningi zenza leli phutha lapho zilokhu ziveza izinkinga zakudala ekungabonini kwazo esikhathini samanje. Uma wena nomlingani wakho ninqume ukwedlula iziphambeko zabo niqhubeke, akufanele nikuveze ngokuphindaphindiwe, ngoba kungase kuniphathe kabi nobabili.

• Ungakhulumi ngezindaba zabo eziyimfihlo uma ubuhlobo benu bungene ezinkingeni ezingahlobene nhlobo. Kungenza izinkinga zibe zimbi nakakhulu
• Ungayivezi imizwelo yakho ngesikhathi sokululama. Yilokhu okuholela kukho izingxabano ebudlelwaneni kamuva. Uma usenayo imizwa eyinsalela, yabelane ngayo nophathina wakho. Thatha usuku nje ukuxoxa ngalokhu. Kodwa ungayiphakamisi noma nini lapho uthanda
• Uma uzizwa ucushiwe ngenxa yento ethile ekukhumbuza ukungathembeki kwabo, uma kunjalo, kufanele wabelane nabo. UDkt. Bhonsle usikisela ukuthi, “Uma kukhona ukuhlukumezeka okuthile okuyinsalela, okuholela ekubeni usabele ngale ndlela, khona-ke kudingeka ukhulume nomelaphi ngoba kungase kuthinte umshado wakho.” 

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9. Ungazibandakanyi ekukhulumeni okubi ngawe

Kulula kumlingani okhashiwe ukuthi awele ekukhulumeni okungekuhle lapho bezibiza khona njengesizathu sokungathembeki komlingani wabo. Kuba lula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Nokho, ubuhlungu bungase bungapheli ngokuphelele. Ungase uvuswe yizinto ezincane njengombala wezinwele zomuntu ongamazi, ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eminingi.

• Bhala phansi imicabango yakho, ikakhulukazi lokho ozizwa ngakho ngawe. Yisho kabusha leyo micabango ngendlela enenhloso. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokucabanga ukuthi, “Wonke umuntu uzocabanga ukuthi ngiyinkonjane”, beka kabusha lo mqondo ngokuthi, “Ngenxa yalesi sigameko, nginovalo lokuthi ngingadatshukelwa futhi ngihlekwe.” Manje lokhu kwesaba kungase kungabi yiqiniso, kodwa kukunikeza ukucaca kokuthi kungani ucabanga ukuthi uzodatshukelwa noma uhlekwe nokuthi kungani wesaba lokho.
• Bheka ubufakazi obuphathekayo bokuphika noma yikuphi ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle
• Khumbula ukubekezela kuyisihluthulelo. Wonke umuntu ubhekana nalezi zimo ngesikhathi sakhe, ngejubane lakhe. Ungazibambezeli ngokuzwa noma yini oyizwayo

Njengoba singathanda ukukholelwa, ukungathembeki akuvamile. Ubudlelwano buyinkimbinkimbi. Uma uzizwa uphelelwa uthando ngemva kokungathembeki futhi ufuna ukushiya umlingani wakho ngokukopela kuwe, amandla engeziwe kuwe. Kodwa uma wena nomlingani wakho nifuna ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni benu, kuzoba nzima kakhulu futhi kudinga umzamo owengeziwe kusukela ekugcineni kwenu. Kodwa-ke, uma usukulungele ukuthatha isinyathelo, khona-ke thina kwa-Bonobology sikunikeza ithimba elibanzi labeluleki ozokulalela futhi akuqondise kulolu hlelo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.