Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhebhana Nabesifazane Abadala | Igcine Isezingeni

Owesifazane uguga njengewayini elimnandi, bathi. Mhlawumbe, lokho kuchaza ukudonsela okungaqondakali izinsizwa eziningi ezikuzwayo ngabesifazane abadala. Uma ungomunye wabo, cishe uyazibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokuqonywa okunjalo. Kufanele uhambe kanjani ngokudlala ngothando nabesifazane abadala ngaphandle kokuvela njengento echwensayo noma ukucasula? Futhi yimiphi eminye imibuzo yothando okufanele uyibuze owesifazane osekhulile engeke imenze adikibale?

Kubalulekile ukuphendula le mibuzo uma ungafuni ukugcina usehlwini lwakhe. Izimpendulo yilokho esilapha ukukunikeza. Kulesi sihloko, sichaza amathiphu ayi-11 okuthi ungadlala kanjani nabesifazane abadala ngempumelelo, asekelwa yiziphakamiso ezisebenzisekayo neziwusizo ezivela kusosayensi wengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile ku-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana. Qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole ukuthi ungamthinta kanjani owesifazane omdala ngomusa.

Ungashela Kanjani Nabesifazane Abadala - Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokukwenza Kubukeke Kungenamsebenzi

Ngakho-ke, amadoda asemasha avame kangakanani ukuthandana nabesifazane abadala? Uma sibheka izitayela zakamuva zobudlelwano phakathi kweminyaka, ukuguquguquka kowesifazane omdala nendoda encane kubonakala sengathi kuyathandwa kakhulu. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwalo msebenzisi we-Reddit kunikeza ukuqonda okuthakazelisayo kokuthi kungani kunjalo. Uthi, “Yebo. Ngangithandana nabesifazane abaningi asebekhulile abaseminyakeni yawo-20/20 kanye nasekuqaleni/phakathi nawo-30 lapho ngineminyaka engu-18/19 kanye nasekuqaleni kweminyaka yawo-20. Bangifundise okuningi futhi bangifundisa indlela yokujabulisa owesifazane nokuxhumana. Ngikuthandile. Izinkumbulo ezinhle.”

Ngokusobala, amadoda asemasha adonseleka kwabesifazane abadala ngesizathu esithile. Kodwa ingabe abesifazane asebekhulile bayawathanda amadoda asemasha ? Ungakhathazeki. Abesifazane asebekhulile kungenzeka ukuthi bake babona ihlobo elingaphezu kwakho, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi abafinyeleleki kuwe nsizwa! Okudingayo nje ukudlala amakhadi akho kahle futhi lokho kuhilela ukufunda indlela yokuthandana nabesifazane abadala ngendlela emnandi. Ukuze sikusize ngalokho, sibhale iziphakamiso eziyi-11 eziwusizo zokuthi ungakhuluma kanjani nabesifazane asebekhulile kalula:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuthandana Nowesifazane Omdala: Izinzuzo, Izinselele, Namathiphu Okukwenza Kusebenze

1. Dlala ngokuzethemba

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungamtshela kanjani owesifazane omdala ukuthi uyamfuna, ukuzethemba kungumngani wakho omkhulu. UNandita uthi, “Abesilisa abasebasha kudingeka babukeke futhi bazizwe beqiniseka ngempela ngabo.” Uphinde abelane ngamathiphu ambalwa asebenzayo mayelana nokuthandana ngokuzethemba ukuze adonse ukunaka kwabesifazane abadala:

• Ungathuki. Prakthiza ukuphefumula okujulile ukuze uthulise imizwa yakho
• Unganqikazi ukubuza imibuzo noma ukubeka imibono yakho. Kubonisa ukuntula ukuzethemba futhi kuvimbele ikhono lakho lokwenza umbono omuhle 
• Lalela ngentshiseko imibono yakhe futhi uqhubeke nengxoxo ngokufanele

Umngane wami, u-Anita, onguprofesa oneminyaka engu-45 ubudala, waqala uthando olushisayo nomfundi osemusha oneminyaka engu-20 ubudala ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezedlule, futhi basahlangene. Lapho ngimbuza ukuthi yini eyayimkhanga kuye, wachaza, “Ngangithanda ukuzethemba kwakhe nendlela ayengangenzeli ngisho negebe leminyaka lapho sixoxa.”

2. Gcina ubheke emehlweni

Ukuxhumana emehlweni njalo kuyinto ebalulekile uma uzama ukuheha abesifazane abadala abahle, noma yimuphi owesifazane, ngaleyo ndaba. Kuyindlela ethinta inhliziyo yokuthandana ngaphandle kwamazwi. Kubonisa ukuthi unesithakazelo sangempela kuye nokuthi uyazethemba futhi uyazethemba. UNandita uyeluleka, “Mbheke ngenkathi ukhuluma, kodwa ungambheki, ngoba lokho kungase kumenze angakhululeki. Funda ukulinganisela ukuxhumana emehlweni.”

Yilokhu okwaheha uBella, engisebenza naye, kumqeqeshi wakhe wejimu, owayemncane ngeminyaka eyi-10 kuye. Lapho esecela eminyakeni engu-30 manje, uBella wayethanda indlela umqeqeshi wakhe wejimu oneminyaka engu-28 ubudala ayembheka ngayo amehlo njalo lapho emsiza ngokujima. Ubumnandi baqala lapho uBella emgqolozela, ekhomba ukuthi uyayithanda ayenzayo. Ngokushesha, wamcela ukuba aphume, futhi banezinyanga ezimbalwa manje bethandana.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuqomisana Kwabesifazane Abadala – Ihhovisi Lami Uthando Nendoda Encane

3. Mamatheka ngendlela eyengayo

Uzibuza ukuthi ungamtshela kanjani owesifazane omdala ukuthi uyamfuna? Nansi imfihlo yokuthandana nomuntu omdala—ukumamatheka ngendlela ekhangayo. Zama futhi awusoze walwa emizamweni yakho yokuheha owesifazane omdala. Ukumamatheka kwangempela kodwa okugcwele kuphakathi kwezinto ezidonsela owesifazane endodeni . UNandita uthi, “Momotheka ngenkathi nixoxa noma nixoxa. Ukumamatheka ngendlela ekhangayo kungaba yindlela enhle yokuqala ubuhlobo obuseduze noma obukhethekile phakathi kwenu nobabili. Futhi uma unenhlanhla, uzobona izimpawu zokuthi owesifazane omdala uyakufuna.”

4. Mncome

Ukuthandana ngamazwi kuyimpendulo uma uzibuza ukuthi ungaxoxa kanjani nabesifazane abadala abahle kalula. Kulokho, akukho okudlula ukusebenza kahle kokuncoma okuqotho nokusuka enhliziyweni. UNandita uxwayisa, “Kodwa ukuncoma akufanele kudlulele ekuthopheni.” Unezela amathiphu ambalwa okuthi ungamncoma kanjani owesifazane omdala :

• Qiniseka ukuthi ukuncoma kwakho kuqotho futhi kuyiqiniso
• Gwema ukuncoma okujwayelekile njengokuthi "Ubukeka umuhle kakhulu namuhla!"
• Ukuncoma okuqondile, njengokuthi “Ngithanda nje indlela ohleka ngayo”, “Ngiyayibonga indlela ofinyelele ngayo yonke imigomo yempilo yakho ngo-40”, noma “Ngiyayithanda indlela olungise ngayo izinwele zakho” yenza izimanga

5. Gwema ukukhuluma ngokwehlukana kweminyaka

Yebo, nobabili niyazi ukuthi kunomehluko weminyaka phakathi kwenu kodwa ningagxili kulokho njalo. Ubudala buyinombolo nje lapho nobabili ninesithakazelo sangempela komunye nomunye. Kumngane wami, uRhea, umuzwa wokuxhumana ayewuzwa nomlingani wakhe omncane wawudlula kude noma yikuphi ukukhathazeka mayelana negebe leminyaka.

Uzizwa evuselelwe futhi ephila kakhudlwana kunokuba ngimbone esikhathini eside, futhi lokho kungenxa yokuthi ababudlulisi ubudlelwano babo ngesisekelo senkambiso yomphakathi kanye nokulindelwe okuzungeze igebe lobudala phakathi kwabalingani bothando. U-Nandita uyavuma, futhi wabelane ngamathiphu alandelayo okuthi ungawuvumeli kanjani umehluko weminyaka ube mkhulu phezu kokuxhumana okungase kube khona:

• Khuluma ngegebe leminyaka kuphela uma ekhululekile ukukhuluma ngalo
• Ngisho noma ukhuluma ngayo, ungashelela nje ngegama elilodwa noma amabili
• Ungagcizeleli kakhulu endabeni yobudala, ngoba lokho akufanele kube yinkinga uma nobabili ninethezekile futhi nijabulela ukuba ndawonye.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-15 Zezizathu Zokuthi Amadoda Amasha Awe Abesifazane Abadala

6. Dlala ngothando ngenhlonipho

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani nabesifazane abadala, khumbula ukuthi ayikho enye indlela ngaphandle kwenhlonipho. Inhlonipho kanye nemingcele enempilo kwenza lukhulu ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi awubangeli ukucasuka noma uqine kakhulu uma udlala ngothando nabesifazane abadala. Khumbula, owesifazane omdala unolwazi oluningi empilweni kunawe, futhi imizwa yakhe ingase iguquke kakhulu noma ihluke nje kweyakho. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukulula. UNandita unikeza amathiphu alandelayo mayelana nokudlala ngothando kwabantu abadala angakusiza ukuvimbela ukuphambuka endleleni engafanele:

• Yiba nobuqili ezenzweni zakho zothando ekuqaleni. Ungakhulisa umfutho kancane kancane uma esabela kahle 
• Gwema amagama aluhlaza nayinhlamba, akukho okumnandi ngakho
• Gwema amahlaya angaphansi kwebhande

7. Khuluma ngezihloko ezithakazelisayo nezenzakalo zamanje

Iningi labesifazane asebekhulile lithanda izingxoxo ezinenjongo nezijulile futhi likhangwa amadoda angakwazi ukuzibamba lapho ekhuluma ngezinkinga eziyinkimbinkimbi futhi ajwayelene nezinto ezenzeka emhlabeni. Uma ubulokhu ucindezela owesifazane omdala kakhulu futhi ufuna ukumsusa ezinyaweni zakhe, le ndlela yokuthandana evuthiwe izokuzuzisa.

UNandita uthi, “Kubalulekile ukuba abesilisa abasebasha baveze ulwazi lwabo ngezihloko ezihlukahlukene futhi bakhulume ngentshiseko, kungaba ngezemidlalo, ipolitiki noma umculo.” Futhi funda ukulalela ngenkuthalo ukuthi abesifazane asebekhulile bathini, ukuze uthole izinkomba zokuthi uzokhuluma ngani ngokulandelayo. Impela, lokhu kungase kuthathe umzamo othile ohlangothini lwakho kodwa uma unesithakazelo sangempela kowesifazane osekhulile omjahayo, kuzowufanelekela umzamo. 

8. Gxilisa amahlaya

Ukuhleka okuhle akusoze kwehluleke ukuhlaba umxhwele abesifazane . Kusebenza izimanga ikakhulukazi uma uxhumana nabesifazane abadala. UNandita uthi, “Ukuhleka kudinga ukuba sezingeni eliphezulu, kungabi yinto ebuthakathaka noma engcolile. Umuntu kufanele alungele ukubuya okuhlakaniphile.” Ngakho-ke, vumela lolo hlangothi lwakho oluhlakaniphile lukhanye uma ufuna ukubona izimpawu zokuthi owesifazane omdala uyakufuna. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungazami kakhulu ukuhlekisa. Qiniseka ukuthi ukuhleka kwakho kuyinto yemvelo futhi kungokwesimo.

9. Yiba nomusa

I-Chivalry ivame ukubhekwa njengekhwalithi yakudala futhi isiba yivelakancane kakhulu kulezi zinsuku. Noma kunjalo, abesifazane abaningi asebekhulile bayakwazisa. Uma ufuna ukubukwa njengomuntu ongase abe nentshisekelo yothando, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uthuthukise lezo zimfanelo zobuntu. U-Nandita unikeza amathiphu mayelana nokudlala ngothando nabesifazane asebekhulile abakhangayo:

• Avule isicabha semoto ngaphambi kokuthi angene 
• Letha izimbali zakhe
• Hamba noma umshayele umgoduse ngemva kosuku 
• Yiba nesizotha, hhayi nje kuye kuphela kodwa nakwabanye abantu abaseduze kwakho
• Thatha umnyakazo ngokuthinta okucashile, njengokuxubha ingalo, ukuze ubone ukuthi uphendula kanjani nokuthi usendaweni yakhe yokunethezeka yini

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ngikhangwa Yindoda Encane Engafani Nomyeni Wami

U-Ashley, umama ongayedwana waseCalifornia, othandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-8 emncane kunaye uthi, “Wangilethela izimbali ngosuku lokuqala, wasukuma wangibingelela lapho ngingena, wangibambela umnyango njengoba sasihamba. Ubani owenza lokho kulezi zinsuku? Ngathathwa naye ngemva kwalokho.”

10. Gcina imikhuba emihle yokuthumela imiyalezo 

Nakuba ukudlala ngothando ngemiyalezo kuyinto evamile kulezi zinsuku, udinga ukuqinisekisa ukuthi indlela yakho yokuziphatha yokuqomisana ifanelekile. Omunye wemithetho evelele yokuqomisana nabesifazane abadala uNandita akhuluma ngawo ukugwema isitsotsi kanye nezifinyezo emibhalweni. Futhi, ukungamtsheli ngobuhlobo bakhe bangaphambilini.

Uthi, “Njengowesifazane osekhulile okungenzeka ukuthi akayena owesizukulwane sakho, cishe ubengeke ahambisane nolimi lwakamuva. Lokhu kumane kuwumphumela wegebe elivelele lesizukulwane. Ngakho-ke, uma uzibuza ukuthi uzomshaya kanjani owesifazane osekhulile ngemibhalo, gwema i-jargon ne-slang angase angakujwayele.”

11. Musa ukunamathela kakhulu

Omunye wemithetho yegolide lapho udlala ngothando nabesifazane abadala ukungabi namandla okucindezela. UNandita uyeluleka, “Zimele. Qala imiyalezo nezingcingo. Kodwa ungakwenzi ngokweqile.” Ukunamathela ngeke kwehle kahle. Owesifazane omdala uvuthiwe futhi uzimele, futhi angalindela ukuvuthwa okuthile kuwe.

Umbuzo Ovame ​​Ukubuzwa

Infographic On Signs Owesifazane Omdala Uyakufuna

Ngakho-ke, njengoba usuwazi kahle ubuciko bokudlala ngothando nabesifazane abadala, ungaqiniseka kanjani ukuthi inkosikazi endala ilangazelela inkampani yakho? Futhi uqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi awufundi kabi izimpawu? Ake sibheke uhlu lwezimpawu ezifunwa umuntu wesifazane osekhulile:

Imicabango Final

Abesifazane abadala mhlawumbe i-elixir yaphakade yabesilisa abasha. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi intsha noma amadoda aseminyakeni yawo-20 noma phakathi neminyaka engu-30, kubonakala sengathi abesifazane abadala babonakala bekhanga kwabesilisa abaningi ngenxa yezindlela zabo zezwe, okuhlangenwe nakho kokuphila, nokukhanga. Futhi ubuhlobo obunjalo begebe lobudala buya buvame kakhulu. Ingabe abesifazane abadala bayawathanda amadoda amancane? Yebo, ngempela benza lapho indoda isondela kubo ngokuzethemba nangenhlonipho.

Kodwa uma kukhulunywa ngokushela abesifazane abadala, iningi labesilisa liyangabaza futhi lisaba ukuthi lingase libacasule noma lonanise izinto. Futhi ngokuvamile abanalo ulwazi mayelana nemibuzo engcolile okufanele umuntu ayibuze owesifazane osekhulile. Ngakho-ke, sithemba ukuthi, namathiphu angu-11 okudlala ngothando nabesifazane abadala esihlanganyele nabo kulesi sihloko, uzoba nesikhathi sensimu esihlaba umxhwele intokazi ethile enhle futhi enomusa ngolunye usuku maduze. Sikufisela inhlanhla!

Ukuvuma Kowesifazane Oshadile Ethandana Nensizwa Encane

Ukudlala Ngothando Ngemingcele: Khipha Ukugcona Kwakho Kwangaphakathi Kumapulatifomu Wokuqomisana

Izimpawu Zokukhangwa Zolimi Lomzimba Wesifazane eziyi-18 - Ziqoshwe Lapha

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa