Izigaba Eziyisi-6 Zokubuyisela Ukungathembeki: Amathiphu Asebenzayo Wokuphulukisa

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Uke wezwa ngohlamvu olubomvu 'A'? Iqhawekazi likaNathaniel Hawthorne, uHester, encwadini yakhe yothando Incwadi Ebomvu kwadingeka abe no-“A” ofekethisiwe kuzo zonke izingubo zakhe ukuze adalule emhlabeni ukuthi uyisifebe. Indaba yakhe ayilula kakhulu futhi ngeke ngidalule okuningi njengoba ngingafuni ukukumoshela le ncwadi yakudala, kodwa ngingakutshela ukuthi u-Hester kwadingeka adlule ezigabeni ezimbalwa zokululama ukungathembeki ngaphambi kokuba azizwe njengaye futhi.

Sesifinyelele ekhulwini lama-21, ukungathembeki kusenethonya elijulile kubantu. Lapho bekhohliswa, kusadingeka babhekane nezigaba eziningi zokululama ukungathembeki ngaphambi kokuba bazizwe bevuselelwe. Impela kungenzeka ukuthi uqhubekele phambili uphinde wakhe impilo kabusha ngemva kokungathembeki noma uhlale ebudlelwaneni esikhundleni sokuphuma othandweni ngemuva kokungathembeki. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kungenzeka, akusho ukuthi ngeke kube uhambo olunzima. Ikakhulukazi uma ucabanga ukuxolela owakwakho ngokungethembeki, lolu hambo luzodinga ukuvuselela ukwethemba umuntu owakubhidliza kwasekuqaleni.

Ukuze siqonde kabanzi mayelana nezigaba ezahlukene zokululama ukungathembeki kanye nenqubo yokuphulukisa, sikhulume nomqeqeshi wezempilo kanye nomeluleki Joie Bose, ogxile ekwelulekeni abantu ababhekene nemishado ehlukumezayo, ukuhlukana nokujola. Uma usuzoqala kabusha emshadweni ngemva kokungathembeki futhi uyazibuza, "Ingabe ubuhlungu bokungathembeki buyoke buphele?", namathela futhi uthole.

Izigaba Eziyisi-6 Zokubuyisela Ukungathembeki - Amathiphu Asebenzayo Asuka Kusazi Ukuphulukisa

Okuqukethwe

Okungenani kunezigaba eziyisithupha zokululama ukungethembeki - kungase kube nokunye, kodwa lo mugqa wesikhathi wokubuyisela ukungathembeki uthatha izigaba zokuhlehla kwemizwa njengoba isuka usizi ekululameni. "Uma ugxila ekucubunguleni ubuhlungu bakho njengengxenye yezigaba zokuphinga, uzenzela kangcono," kusho Joie.

Abantu abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukwamukela imizwa yabo ngenkathi bezama ukuphulukisa ekuqhathweni. Uma usuphumile ku-loop eyingozi yokuphika, yisho imizwa yakho, futhi uthole isibindi sokubhekana nayo ekugcineni, usuphakathi nenqubo. Yebo, kukhona okumele ukwenze nokungafanele ukwenze kuzo zonke izigaba zokuphulukiswa ngemva kokukhashelwa, ngokusekelwe esinqumweni sakho sokuqhubekela phambili noma ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni, ukusheshisa ukuphulukiswa kwakho.

Ukuze uthole imininingwane eyengeziwe esekelwe ochwepheshe, sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.

Ngike ngabona intombi yomngani ihlukumezeka kakhulu ngenxa yomonakalo odalwe ukujola. Umngane wami, masimbize ngoJason, wayesebudlelwaneni obuneminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye no-Ella. UJason wayengumuntu ongakholwayo owayenobuhlobo bobulili obuningi ngemuva kuka-Ella. Ukwazi iziphambeko zakhe kwamephula. Unyaka nesigamu ngemva kokuhlukana kwabo, u-Ella wayezigxeka ngokunganaki.

Impendulo esheshayo ekukopeleni ukungakholwa, intukuthelo, ukudabuka, ukulahlekelwa, noma usizi. Zimbili izinto ezingenzeka ngemuva kokungathembeki: umlingani okhohlisiwe angaqhubeka noma anqume ukusebenzela ubudlelwano bakhe. Uma bekhetha lokhu kwakamuva, kunemizwa eminingi okufanele icutshungulwe futhi kungase kuthathe isikhathi ngaphambi kokuthi umlingani okhashiwe acabangele ukuxolela.

U-Ella wakhetha ukuqhubeka ngoba uJason wayengakakulungeli ukuyeka umngane wakhe womshado. Waqala ukwelulama ngosizo lomeluleki futhi manje usesigabeni esisodwa sokuphulukiswa ngemva kokungethembeki. Uthi: “Le nqubo ifana neladi elinokuhlangenwe nakho okwenza izinyathelo zalo eziningi.

The imiphumela yengqondo yokungathembeki futhi izigaba zokuphulukisa ngemva kokukhashelwa zihlukene. Ingxenye yokungathembeki ebuhlungu kakhulu iyehluka kumuntu nomuntu, kanjalo nezigaba zokwelapha emva kokungathembeki. Awukho umugqa wesikhathi wokuthola ukungathembeki olingana noyedwa. Abantu bathatha isikhathi sabo ukuze baphulukise usizi ngemva kokuhlukana. Nakuba ochwepheshe bethi kuthatha iminyaka emibili ngokwesilinganiso ukuphola ebuhlotsheni obuphukile, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi uke wababona abantu abaseduze kwakho beqhubeka ngaphambi kwesikhathi esibekiwe noma bekhotha amanxeba isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ukuze uqonde kangcono isimo sengqondo sozakwethu okhashelwe ngemva kokukopela, ake sibheke izigaba ezahlukene zokuphulukisa ngemva kokungathembeki njengoba kwabekwa u-Joie:

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Isiteji #1 - Intukuthelo: Gwema ukwenza izinqumo ezinkulu ngesikhathi sokuqala sokuhlukumezeka

Umlingani okhashiwe angase azizwe endikindiki futhi ethukile, okulandelwa ukuwohloka kanye nesilingo esiqhubekayo sokubuyela kumlingani noma isifiso esinamandla sokumenza abone ukuthi babenephutha kangakanani. Ezikhathini ezibuthakathaka, umcabango we ukuziphindiselela ukukopela kungase kungene emqondweni wakho. Uma ingahlolisiswa ngokushesha, imizwa enjalo ingase ikuholele ekwenzeni izinto ngokuxhamazela nangokungenangqondo okufanele uzisole kamuva.

Lena indawo lapho izigaba zokuphulukisa ngemva kokungathembeki ziqala khona. Ngokusekelwe ekutheni ingabe uyayivumela intukuthelo yakho ukuthi ikulawule noma cha, ngokusekelwe ekutheni uyadela ubuhlobo noma unquma ngokucophelela ukuqhubeka, lesi sigaba sokuqala sizonquma ukuthi yini ozobhekana nayo ezinyangeni eziyisithupha noma ngaphezulu ezizayo. Ngakho yini engenziwa esimweni esinjalo? Yebo, kunezinketho ezimbili:

Uma unqume ukuqhubeka: Lapho ilanga lishona ebuhlotsheni benu, umcabango wokuphulukisa usuke usemajukujukwini. Kulesi sigaba, lapho uzwa ubuhlungu futhi ungasondeli ngisho nokuqala ukuphulukiswa ngemva kokungathembeki, akufanele wenze izinqumo ezinkulu. Ungawuyeki umsebenzi wakho ukuze uthuthele edolobheni elisha noma ungenzi ikhefu elihlanzekile kuzakwethu uma wabelana ngezinhlangano zezezimali. Usebenze kanzima ukuze ufike lapho ukhona - ungakulahli konke ngomuntu okuqhathile
Uma unqume ukuhlala: Khumbula ukuthi imizwa esesigabeni sokuhlukumezeka idlula kuwe kakhulu. Imizwa yakho ingase ibe sengozini yokuguqulwa; ungase uzizwe sengathi ungakwazi ukuxazulula inkinga yakho ubudlelwano obunzima noma umshado nomlingani wakho wokukopela. Kodwa, ungasabeli ngokushesha. Khala umfula kulungile. Abangane bakho nomndeni wakho bazokuboleka amahlombe abo

Uma ucindezelwe umthwalo wecala njengozakwethu okhohlisayo futhi uzama ukusiza umkakho ukuthi alulame ngemva kokungathembeki (noma umyeni wakho), bashayise ngakho konke ukusekela kwakho. Ukuzwa amandla aphelele okuhlukumezeka kuyingxenye yezigaba zokululama ukuphinga.

Isiteji #2 - Usizi: Hlaziya ukuthi yini engalungile

Lapho imizwelo yakho eqhumayo yehla ngezinyembezi noma idlangalazekile njengomfula ogelezayo, ungase ufike endaweni ehlanzekile lapho, ngemva kwesikhathi eside, uzizwa ulungile. Kodwa-ke, ungase uzizwe ungenalwazi mayelana nezigaba zokuphulukiswa ngemva kokukhashelwa. Kusenesithunzi umuzwa wokungabi nalutho lokho kunzima ukukuqeda futhi awukwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga, “Ingabe ubuhlungu bokungathembeki buyoke buphele?” Kodwa ukunamathela ezenzakalweni ezinobuthi zesikhathi esidlule isikhathi eside futhi udlale isisulu ngeke kusize inqubo yokuphulukisa.

Uma unqume ukuqhubeka: Khumbula ukuthi ukuphinga kubathinta bobabili, uphathina owaqonywa kanye nalowo owakopela. Ngemva kobudlelwane benu, indlela engaphambili ingase ibukeke inesizungu futhi ibangele usizi nokuphelelwa ithemba. Kunezindlela eziningana zokubhekana nalo muzwa ojulile wokudabuka futhi uthathe isinyathelo esingaphambili ukuze uphole ekubeni ukhohliswe. Qala ngokuziphazamisa; thatha umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa noma uzame ukusebenzela umphakathi. Umuzwa wokubuyisela ungaqinisekisa amandla akho. Phakamisa isikhwama sakho bese ushaya imigwaqo ukuze uhambe uwedwa. Uzobona njengoba uzithola uwedwa ethangeni lemvelo ukuthi inikeza imibono eminingi emisha ukuhlaziya isimo.
Uma unqume ukuhlala: Uma unquma ukuhlala, esinye sezigaba ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuthethelela ukungathembeki ukuhlaziya ukuthi yini engalungile. Izinyanga eziyisithupha zokuqala zizoba nzima kubo bobabili abalingani njengoba ubuhlungu nokuthukuthela kungase kulawule ubudlelwano obunamandla. Kodwa uma uthola ukucaca okuncane, ungagxumeli ekuxazululeni izinkinga zakho uwedwa. Ngincoma ukuthi ubhukhe iworkshop yabashadikazi ukuze usebenze ngamakhono akho okuxhumana. Uzomangala ngobubanzi bentuthuko ekhona ezingxoxweni zethu ezivamile - ukusebenzisa amagama alungile nokuba nengxoxo ejulile enenjongo kuwubuciko.

Ngokusekelwe ekutheni uhlala ebudlelwaneni noma cha, izigaba zakho zokuphulukisa ngemva kokungathembeki zizohluka. Noma kunjalo, kuwumqondo omuhle njalo ukuhlaziya ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle, ukuze ukwazi ukusebenzela ukulungisa izinkinga ezisobala kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bakho noma uqonde ukuthi ungawunqamula kanjani umjikelezo womngane womshado okhashiwe.

izigaba zokuphulukisa ngemva kokukhashelwa — Thola usizo lapho usebenza ngezinkinga zakho

Isiteji #3 - Ukuzihlola: Thola ukucaciseleka ngokomzwelo njengengxenye yokwelapha ngemva kokungathembeki

Ake sithi sekudlule izinyanga ezingaphezu kweziyisithupha. Impi yemizwa isiphelile manje futhi inhliziyo yakho manje isiyinkundla yempi engenalutho. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ingqondo yakho icacile futhi ungakwazi ukuzicabangela wena. Uma isimo sakho sinjalo, usuphakathi nezigaba zokululama ngemva kokungathembeki. Manje njengoba ususinqobile ngokwengxenye isigaba sokuqala sokudangala okungantengantengi, ungehla umzila futhi uhlole izinto wanihlukanisa ebudlelwaneni.

Uma unqume ukuqhubeka: Cabangela ukuthi yini eyaholela ekungathembeki - hlola isimo sakho sengqondo lapho ubamba umlingani wakho ekopela. Zibuze ukuthi ngabe ube nesandla ngandlela thize yini kulokhu kubhidlika kungazelelwe kobudlelwano bakho. Ingabe kukhona ongathuthukisa kukho kuwena? Uma impendulo inguyebo, lungisa inkinga buthule
Izongeza isici esisha kumlingiswa wakho. Kodwa akufanele uzishaye ngokungenasidingo kuso sonke isimo. Ngoba ezimweni eziningi zokungathembeki, nakuba umlingani okhohlisiwe engazange abe nendima lapho ekhashelwa, ngokungafanele babeka icala.
Uma ufuna ukuhlala: Kuzoba nezikhathi ezimnandi nokwehla uma uxoxisana nesithandwa sakho. Kodwa ungadangali. Thola umbono omningi ngangokunokwenzeka ngezincwadi nokwelulekwa noma ukuqeqeshwa, njengoba kuzokusiza ezigabeni zakho zokululama ukungathembeki. Kodwa-ke, ungatholi iseluleko ongasicelanga - nquma njalo ukuthi yini ekulungele wena
Uma usunqume ukuthola ukucaciseleka ngokomzwelo ezintweni, uthola nokucaciseleka ngezigaba zokuphulukiswa ngemva kokungathembeki. Imizwa yakho ngeke isaba yingxubevange futhi ebusayo yemizwa ekuphatha kangcono. Ngalesi sikhathi, ungase ukwazi ngisho ukukhomba ukuthi yisiphi isigaba sokuphulukiswa ngemva kokukhashelwa okuso

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Isinyathelo #4 - Ukwamukela: Yisikhathi sokuthatha isinqumo esiqinile

Ngemva konyaka, lapho umuzwa wokukhashelwa usuphelile, sekuyisikhathi sokuthatha isinqumo esiqinile mayelana nobuhlobo noma, uma ungashadile, sekuyisikhathi sokuguqula iqabunga elisha ngokuphelele empilweni yakho. Kuzo zonke izigaba zokululama ukungathembeki, kulesi sigaba, ubhala ikusasa lobudlelwano bakho noma uqale ukuzibona njengomuntu ozimele ngaphandle kwalokhu kubambisana.

Uma unqume ukuqhubeka: Yisikhathi sokuqeda zonke iziqephu ezincane - zezipho nezinkumbulo - ezikukhumbuza ngomlingani wakho. Kucabange njengesahluko esesiphelile. Ungaphindi ufune ukuvalwa. Ujika ekhoneni futhi uya esigabeni esithakazelisa kakhulu empilweni
Uma unqume ukuhlala: Njengoba usuhlale isikhathi eside kangaka kubudlelwano, ngisho nangemva kokuqhathwa, manje yisikhathi sokusebenza ngokuqinile ezindabeni zakho. Uma kunguwe owakopela futhi manje uzama ukusiza umkakho ukuphulukisa ngemva kokungathembeki (noma umyeni wakho), kufanele ugxile ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho ngoba ukukopela kuyabashintsha abantu. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kufanele uhlole ukuthi yini ekwenze wakopela. Ubungajabule yini ngomlingani wakho? Yini eyakwenza ungajabuli? Ingabe yinto eningayilungisa, noma into edinga ukulungiswa njengombhangqwana? Uma kunguwe owaqolwa futhi ufuna ukuqala kabusha emshadweni ngemva kokungathembeki (noma ubuhlobo), kungase kudingeke ufunde veza imizwa yakho ngaphandle kwedrama. Ukubhawula njalo noma ukugegetheka okulimazayo kuyaguga ngalesi sigaba

Ingxenye yezigaba zokululama zokungathembeki kulowo okhohlisiwe ingase futhi idinge incazelo enemininingwane evela kumlingani noma umlingani womshado okhohlisile. Ukuze niqale ukuphulukisa ngemva kokungathembeki njengombhangqwana, imininingwane yodaba kufanele ibekwe obala. Nakuba imininingwane ingase ishwabene, ulwazi lungakusiza uqonde ukuthi yiziphi izikhala ebudlelwaneni bakho umlingani abezama ukuzivala ngodaba lwakhe.

Isiteji #5 - Ukuphulukisa: Hlaziya umbono wakho ezigabeni zokuphulukiswa ngemva kokungathembeki

Esinye isikhathi sesidlulile – uma ubungashadile, yini ohlela ukuyenza ngempilo yakho? Imuphi umbono onawo ngawe? Futhi, imibhangqwana, kufanele nisebenze ekuqiniseni isibopho senu uma ninqobe izinkinga ezivela endlovu ekamelweni - indaba.

Manje usuqine ngokwanele ukuthi ubheke ikusasa ngesimo somqondo esicacile futhi uzibhalele uhlu lwemigomo yesikhathi eside neyesikhashana. Futhi lokhu kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unqume ukwenza kanjalo qhubekela phambili futhi uthole injabulo futhi noma ukuzama ukuqala kabusha emshadweni ngemva kokungathembeki.

Uma unqume ukuqhubeka: Ukululama ekungathembeki akulula. Kodwa usufike lapha. Izinkathi zonyaka zishintshile kanjalo nemizwa yakho. Manje, sekuyisikhathi sokucabanga ngekusasa. Ungase uqale ngokumaka iholide elincane ekhalendeni lakho. Thatha izinyathelo zomntwana kodwa ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi ufanelwe ukukhululeka ekubanjweni kwesikhathi esidlule esibuhlungu. Cabanga ngokuzimela kwakho okusha njengalelo bhantshi elihle obulifuna isikhathi eside. Manje, hamba uyithathe
Uma unqume ukuhlala: Sekuyisikhathi sokuthi nina, njengombhangqwana, ninqume ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukwakha ikusasa elisha ndawonye uma nifuna ukuqala kabusha emshadweni wenu ngemva kokungathembeki. Kufanele ufunge ngokuba nomfazi oyedwa futhi uhloniphe zonke izifungo zomshado zokuzinikela nothando ozenzile futhi uqiniseke ukuthi uyawephula umjikelezo womngane womshado okhashiwe. Njengoba okhashelwe ebuhlotsheni, ungase usadinga isikhathi esengeziwe sokuphulukisa ngokuphelele ekubuyiseleni emuva kokukopela futhi ube nokholo olugcwele kumlingani wakho futhi. Ungajahi ukufika lapho ungakalungeli

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Isinyathelo #6 - Ukuyeka: Ukwakha kabusha

Sawubona! Usufinyelele lapha - okokugcina ezigabeni zokutholwa kokungethembeki. Sesihambile isikhathi futhi mhlawumbe usufike ekugcineni kwesahluko sempilo yakho esibizwa ngezigaba zokuphinga. Isikhathi sokuvula iqabunga elisha ekupheleni kwalo mugqa wesikhathi wokuthola ukungathembeki.

Uma uthethelela owakwakho ngokungethembeki, uyazi kakade ukuthi ukwakha kabusha isisekelo esiqinile yikona kuphela okuzogcina ubuhlobo buphila. Izigaba zokuthethelela ukungathembeki zincike ekuguquguqukeni ngakunye, kodwa into eyodwa iqinisekile, ukufika endaweni lapho ungahlali khona ngokukhathazeka ngaso sonke isikhathi owakwakho esohambweni lomsebenzi kumelwe nakanjani. Ngalokho, sisho ukuthi udinga ukuphinda usungule ukwethembana.

Ukuthi unqume ukuqhubeka noma uhlale ebudlelwaneni: Isikhathi sokudala izinkumbulo ezintsha ukuze ukwazi ukufihla ezindala. Futhi, ungabheki okwedlule njengento esabekayo. UJoie uthi: “Ngolunye usuku ungase unqobe izinkumbulo zokuqala, ziyeke ukuphatheka kabi njalo.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Izigaba zokuphulukiswa ngemva kokungathembeki zizokuyisa ezikhathini eziningi eziphansi neziphakeme, kubalulekile ukugcina ukuzihlonipha kwakho futhi ungathathi izinqumo ezinonya ngokuxhamazela.
Ukuthethelela umlingani womshado ngokungathembeki kuzothatha umzamo omkhulu kubo bobabili abalingani, futhi ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana kungathatha noma yikuphi phakathi kwezinyanga eziyi-6 kuya onyakeni.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unquma ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni noma cha, qiniseka ukuthi awuzishaneli izinkinga ngaphansi kwengubo. Hlaziya izinto ezingahambanga kahle futhi ulungise izinkinga zakho

Kucabange njengesifundo esinzima osifundele ukuhlolwa, okukwenze wahlakanipha nokho. Kugxilise empilweni yakho manje egcwele ubuhlakani obusanda kuzuza - yebo, ngiyakubona uhamba ubude. Noma ngabe yini ozibonele yona, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi wakhe phezu kwayo. Yenza lowo msebenzi omkhulu uhambe, thola leyo moto - zikhumbuze ngamandla akho. Kodwa-ke, uma usazizwa sengathi udinga i-nudge encane, nenqwaba yabelaphi abanolwazi, abanelayisensi evuliwe Iphaneli yeBonobology, usizo lusuka ngokuchofoza nje.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ingabe ubuhlungu bokungathembeki buphela?

Yonke imizwa inomnyakazo oya phambili - kungaba injabulo noma ubuhlungu. Abanye abantu bakhumbula imihuzuko yobuhlungu ngezikhathi ezithile, kuyilapho abanye bengayikhohlwa ngokuphelele. Nokho, ubukhulu bobuhlungu buncike ekuhlosweni komuntu. Ingabe ufuna ukuba nomusa kuwe ngenkathi ubhekene nobuhlungu bokungathembeki? Uma impendulo inguyebo, zama ukuphambukisa ingqondo yakho lapho uzwa ubuhlungu obushiywe ukuphinga komlingani wakho.

2. Ngiyeka kanjani ukulimaza ngemva kokukhohliswa?

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho ekukopela noma kungani efuna intethelelo kuwe ngemva kokuphinga. Uma lezi zizathu sezicacile, mhlawumbe ungasebenzela ukuvala. Esimeni esihlukile, uma wena nophathina wakho ninganqoba lezi zingqinamba, ningazithola ninobudlelwano obuvuselelwe.

3. Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuqhubeka nokungathembeki?

Uma ungashadile, kunezindlela ezimbalwa zokuphambukisa ingqondo yakho - yeka ukubacupha ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ulahle izikhumbuzo futhi uthembele kubangani. Uma ningabashadikazi abazama ukululama ekungathembekeni, dalani izinkumbulo ezintsha ndawonye. Isibonelo, mhlawumbe yenza i-photoshoot yombhangqwana futhi uyisakaze kuyo yonke inkundla yakho yezokuxhumana.

Indlela Ukuthethelela Ukukopela Umlingani Wakho Futhi Kufanele Wena?

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.