Ubudlelwano buyinkimbinkimbi njalo. Lapho abantu ababili behlangana ndawonye ukuze bathathe uhambo oluhlanganyelwe, nakanjani kuyoba khona ukungezwani, ukungezwani, kanye nokukhuphuka nokwehla. Kodwa-ke, uma uzithola usesimweni lapho ungazi ukuthi ume kuphi nomlingani osondelene naye, lokho kuxhumana kudlulela endaweni yobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi.
Noma ngabe ubudlelwano benu busha noma kade nindawonye isikhathi eside, ubhekene ne-equation yothando eyinkimbinkimbi uma ulwa nokukhulumisana okungekuhle, ukuntuleka kwemingcele, okulindelekile okungafani, kanye nemigomo. Uma umbhangqwana uhlala isikhathi eside kulesi simo se-limbo, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukulimaza impilo yabo yengqondo nenhlalakahle engokomzwelo.
Yingakho kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu zobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi futhi uqonde indlela yokubhekana nazo. Ngemininingwane evela kudokotela wezengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), onguchwepheshe kwezokwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kanye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy, masiqonde incazelo yobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi nendlela yokubuzulazula ngekhono.
Buyini Ubudlelwano Obuyinkimbinkimbi?
Okuqukethwe
Lapho abantu bezithola besebudlelwaneni okunzima ukubuchaza noma ukubufaka ebhokisini lezinto eziguquguqukayo ezimbalwa esizijwayele, ngokuvamile baphendula ngokuthi, “Kuyinkimbinkimbi.” “Nakuba ukucaciswa kungase kuhluke kuye ngezimo, incazelo eyinkimbinkimbi yobuhlobo ihlala ihambisana nalokhu: ubudlelwano okunzima ukubuchaza ngoba abantu abakubo bayehluka, ngokuvamile bayashayisana, imingcele kanye nabakulindele,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle
Njengoba imigomo kanye nokulindelekile kungavumelani, kunezinto eziningi ezibonisa ukungazinaki kanye nokuvuleleka okuncane kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obunjalo. Lokhu kuphumela ezindaweni eziningi ezingacacile lapho abalingani bethumelana khona izimpawu ezixubile , bedlala ngokushisa nokubandayo, futhi belwa namalebula. Umphumela? Ukudideka okuningi, ukukhathazeka, kanye nokungakhululeki kukushiya uzibuza, “Kungani ubudlelwano bunzima kangaka?”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulwa Kwamandla Ebudlelwaneni - Indlela Efanele Yokubhekana Nakho
Yini eyenza ubudlelwano bube nzima
Ekhuluma ngalokho okwenza ubudlelwano bube nzima, uDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ubudlelwano babantu buhlala bunezigaba futhi buyinkimbinkimbi kodwa abuyona into eyinkimbinkimbi ngokwemvelo. Lapho abantu ababili abavuthiwe ngokomzwelo besebenzisa ukwethembeka nokuvuleleka, bangakha ubudlelwano obuhle . Uma kungekho lezi zisekelo, izinkinga ziqala ukuba khona.”
Njengoba ungase uqaphele, kubonakala kunendikimba ephindaphindayo: ukuntuleka kokwethembeka nokungafihli lutho okuhambisana nokulindelwe okungalungile, imigomo, kanye nezindinganiso ezibalulekile, kubangela ubudlelwano obunzima. Ngokusekelwe kulokhu kuqonda, ake sibheke izinto ezithile ezenza ubudlelwano bube nzima:
- Izilonda zomzwelo ezingapholisiwe: Ukushintshashintsha kobudlelwane okuyinkimbinkimbi kuvame ukulandelelwa emuva emaphethini okuziphatha ayinkinga asukela emanxebeni angokomzwelo angalapheki esikhathi esidlule. Izinkinga zokulahlwa, ukwesaba ukuzinikela, kanye nezitayela zokunamathisela ezingavikelekile ezinye zezinto ezivamile ezenza ubudlelwano obuyinselele
- Imizwa ecindezelwe: ukungakwazi noma ukungazimisele ukwabelana ngemizwa kungesinye isizathu esivamile esenza abantu bazithole bevaleleke ebudlelwaneni obuyinkimbinkimbi. Kaningi, lokhu kuwumphumela wokuba sengozini kwakho okuxhashazwe esikhathini esidlule. Nakuba ukugoqa kungase kube indlela yokuzivikela yemvelo ezimweni ezinjalo, kuphazamisa ikhono lakho lokwakha izibopho ezinempilo.
- Ukungaqiniseki: Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko ngemizwa yakho ngozakwethu, ubudlelwano obuguqukayo buba nzima ngokwemvelo. Yilokhu, ngokuvamile, okuholela emijikelezweni enobuthi ubudlelwano obukhona-futhi-futhi
- Izimo: Ngezinye izikhathi, izinkinga ebudlelwaneni zingabangelwa izimo zakho noma ezinye izici zangaphandle. Isibonelo, ukuba sebudlelwaneni bebanga elide, ukuthandana nothile ngenkathi ninobudlelwano obuzinikele, imizwa yohlangothi olulodwa.
Izimpawu eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Obuyinkimbinkimbi
Ngokuvamile, uma sibhekene nesimo esinzima, kunzima ukusibona ngendlela efanele. Ngisho noma izimpawu zobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi zikubhekile ebusweni, ungase ungaziboni noma ungase ungafuni ukuzibona. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kuphika noma ukungazi akuhlali isikhathi eside. Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile, isimo sakho sobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi sizoqala ukukukhathaza ukuthula kwengqondo kanye nenhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. Uzokhathala ukubuza, “ Kungani ubudlelwano bunzima kangaka ?”
Lokho kuwucingo oluvusayo lokuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uyeke ukushanela izindaba zakho ngaphansi kwengubo futhi ubhekane nazo ngqo. Isinyathelo sokuqala sokubhekana nanoma iyiphi inkinga ukuvuma. Ukuze akusize wenze lokho, uDkt. Bhonsle ubala izimpawu ezilandelayo zobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi:
1. Awuqiniseki ukuthi bazizwa kanjani ngawe
Ukungacacisi kungenye yezimpawu eziphezulu zobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi. Awunasiqiniseko sokuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani ngawe. Futhi lokhu akulona nje iqiniso ebudlelwaneni obusha, lapho ungazange ube nengxoxo echazayo yobudlelwano noma ukuvumelana ngamalebula. Ebudlelwaneni obuyinkimbinkimbi, ungazizwa ngale ndlela ngisho noma sekuyisikhathi eside nindawonye. Mhlawumbe ngoba,
- Umlingani wakho akakwenzi khombisa uthando
- Abazilolongi ukuvuleka nokuba sengozini
- Uma wenza umzamo wokwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okujulile, bayakusunduzela kude futhi baqhelelane futhi bahoxiswe
2. Awunasiqiniseko sokuthi uzizwa kanjani ngabo
Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuhlukana ngokomzwelo komlingani wakho noma ezinye izizathu ezifana nokuba nemizwa ngomunye umuntu, awusazizwa unesifiso esinamandla ngomlingani wakho. Noma ngabe yikuphi, lokhu kuntuleka kokuqiniseka kungadala ubuhlobo obuyinselele. “Ungayinaki imizwa yakho. Uma ukuqiniseka kwakho ngobudlelwano kuntengantenga, kulungile ukukubheka ngamehlo amasha. Kulungile futhi ukuzibuza wena nomlingani wakho imibuzo enzima ukuze ubone ukuthi izinto zihamba kanjani ngempela ebuhlotsheni,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.
3. Awunasiqiniseko ngekusasa lobudlelwano
Ubonakala ufuna izinto ezahlukene empilweni futhi ugweme ukukhuluma ngekusasa lakho. Mhlawumbe awukwazi ngisho nokulibona ngeso lengqondo ikusasa nabo noma ababoni esithombeni osidwebela ikusasa lakho. Mhlawumbe, umlingani wakho ugwema noma yiziphi izingxoxo ngekusasa njengezinhlupho. Lawa wonke amafulegi abomvu aphethe ubudlelwano obunzima.
“Ngaphandle kokuba abantu ababili besebudlelwaneni besikhathi esifushane okuvunyelwene ngabo , ukungabaza ukuxoxa ngemigomo yesikhathi esizayo kumele kuhlolwe kabanzi. Kudingeka nihlole futhi nihlole kabusha ukuthi nimi kuphi nokuthi nifuna ukuya kuphi kusukela lapha,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zokuxhumana Ebudlelwaneni - Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokunqoba
4. Ukungakhulumisani kahle
Esinye sezibonakaliso ezibonisa ubudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi ukuxhumana okubi , okubonakala ngokuthi,
- Ukuziphatha kwe-Passive-aggressive
- Bekhuluma bebodwa
- Benqamulana
- Ukwelashwa buthule nokukhanda ngamatshe
- Ukungakwazi ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana
Echaza ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano obunzima nokungakhulumisani kahle kuhambisana, uDkt Bhonsle uthi, “Lapho kunokungaboni ngasolinye noma ngisho nokushayisana kwezinto ezilindelwe, izidingo, nezifiso, futhi ingekho imingcele enempilo, ukuxhumana kufanele kulindeleke. Konke lokhu kugcwele ebuhlotsheni obuyinkimbinkimbi.”
5. Ukungazibophezeli
Izindlela zothando eziyinkimbinkimbi zobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi zibonakala ngezinkinga zokuzibophezela noma ngisho nokuzimisela ukuxoxa ngamalebula, ukuhlukaniswa, kanye nokuzibophezela. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ezimweni ezinjalo, kufanele uphenye ukuthi usebudlelwaneni yini kwasekuqaleni.
“Sekukaningi ngikubona, ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi sekunesikhathi eside abantu ababili bendawonye kodwa uma ubabuza ukuthi bayini, bathi, “O, besingakafaki ilebula kukho. Nokho, amalebula abalulekile. Uma ungalebuli ushukela nosawoti ekhishini lakho, ungase ugcine usunosawoti ekhofini lakho kanye noshukela ku-meatloaf yakho. Yingakho lezi zingxoxo zibalulekile.”
6. Ukubandakanyeka okungenakulinganisela ezimpilweni zomunye nomunye
Ukuntuleka okuphelele noma ukuzibandakanya ngokweqile empilweni yomunye nomunye kuyizimpawu ezibonisa ubudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi. Ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo bakhelwe ekuncikaneni okunempilo phakathi kwabalingani, lapho nilondoloza khona ubuntu benu kodwa futhi nincika komunye nomunye ukuze nisekele. Kodwa uma ningenzi mzamo wokwabelana ngezintshisekelo zomunye nomunye noma ngisho nokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye, kuwuphawu lokuhlukana - okungenza kube nzima ukuguquguquka kwenu njengombhangqwana.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuthembela ngokweqile komunye nomunye nakho kungenza ubudlelwano bube nzima. Uma ungazigcini izingxenye zempilo yakho uzimele komunye nomunye, qalani ukuthembela komunye nomunye ngezinto okufanele nizenzele wena, ungabe usazenzela izinto, noma uchithe isikhathi uwedwa noma neqoqo lakho labangane, ungase uqale ukulahlekelwa umqondo wokuthi umlingani wakho ugcina kuphi bese uqala. Leli zinga le-enmeshment, yiqiniso, lisebenza njengendawo yokuzalanisa izinkinga.
7. Ukungqubuzana kuhlala njalo ebudlelwaneni benu
Ukulwa okuthile ebudlelwaneni kuyinto evamile. Kodwa-ke, uma uzithola ulwa kaningi ngezinkinga ezincane, kungase kube nezinkinga ezinkulu eziyisisekelo, okuyinto ngokwayo engenye yezimpawu zobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi. Sekuyisikhathi sokuyeka ukugwema inkinga bese uqala ukucabanga, ikakhulukazi uma ukulwa kuya kuba kubi noma kuyahlukumeza. Khumbula, ukuhlukumeza akuveli nje kuphela ngesimo somzimba. Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuyisibonakaliso esikhulu esibomvu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-5 Zokuhlukunyezwa Ngokomzwelo Okufanele Uziqaphele, Kuxwayisa Udokotela Wezokwelapha
8. Uzizwa ungajabule
Uma ungakwazi ukwakha uxhumano lwangempela nomlingani wakho, futhi ungaqiniseki ngokuthi umi kuphi nokuthi ikusasa liphetheni ngobuhlobo bakho, kungokwemvelo ukuthi kungene ukunganeliseki nokungajabuli. Engeza kulokho ukulwa okuqhubekayo kanye nebanga elingokomzwelo, okukushiya uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani ubudlelwano bunzima kangaka?” Ukubanjwa kulo mjikelezo kungasusa injabulo empilweni yakho, kukushiye ungajabule kakhulu njengoba uzama ukuhamba ebuhlotsheni obuyinselele ozithola ukubo.
9. Ulokhu ubuyela ephethinini efanayo
Uke wadlula ekushayweni okufanayo: ukuhlukana nokubuyelana futhi. Mhlawumbe nobabili nixhumekile futhi anikwazi ukuqhubeka. Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso eziqondile zobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi. Uma ingasaphilile, sekuyisikhathi sokuphula iphethini.
“Ukuphindaphinda amaphethini obudlelwano kuyakhathaza futhi kuwubuthi kubo bonke abathintekayo. Asikho isidingo sokuhlala udabukile. Cabanga ngokuthi kungani ulokhu ubuyela ezindleleni zakudala bese uthatha isinyathelo esingathi sína ukuze uzikhiphe kulo mkhuba wobuhlobo,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.
10. Uyesaba ukuzwakalisa lokho okulindele
Ukuguquguquka kothando okuyinkimbinkimbi kobudlelwano obuyinselele kungase kukushiye uzizwa ukhathazekile futhi usonqenqemeni eduze komlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ulindele izinto ezithile kubo, kodwa ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, uyazi futhi ukuthi bazosabela kanjani, ngakho ufunda ukuquma, ukugwinya ubuhlungu nobuhlungu, futhi ubambelele ethembeni lokuthi izinto zizoba ngcono.
Umlingani ozinikele kakhulu ngokomzwelo (futhi yebo, ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi kuhlala kungachemile) angase aqhubeke nokuhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda eduze komunye nomunye, funa asho noma enze okuthile okumxosha. Ngaphandle kokuba izinto zithuthuke, le ndlela iholela ekuphazamisekeni okukhulu ngokomzwelo.
11. Nizizwa ningavumelani
Njengoba udlula ebudlelwaneni obunezinselele ngokomzwelo lapho ungazi kahle ukuthi umi kuphi nomlingani wakho, ungase uqale ukuzizwa ungavumelani naye. Ukusabela kwabo kanye nezimpendulo zabo kungase kuqale ukukumangaza, kuze kukushaqise. Bese uqala ukuzibuza, “Kungenzeka yini ukwakha okuthile okunenjongo nalo muntu?”, noma, “Kuyafaneleka yini ukuzama ukulungisa lobu budlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi?” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzizwa ungasaxhumani nomlingani wakho , futhi ungase ungabi nandaba naye.
Indlela Yokubhekana Nobudlelwano Obuyinkimbinkimbi
Izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zobudlelwano obunzima zikwenza kucace kamhlophe ukuthi isibalo esinjalo singaba nzima kangakanani ngokomzwelo futhi singabekezeleleki. Uma ungase uhlobane ngisho nezinye zezimpawu ezibalwe ngenhla, kufanele ugxilise amandla akho ekutholeni ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nobuhlobo obuyinkimbinkimbi. UDkt. Bhonsle unikeza la macebiso alandelayo:
1. Zibuze ukuthi iyasebenza ngempela yini
Ngaphambi kokuba utshale umzamo omkhulu ekutholeni ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi, thatha isikhashana uhlole ukuthi buyafaneleka yini. Uyalibona ikusasa lobu budlelwano? Kwezinye izimo, ukuzihlola kungase kukuholele ekuboneni ukuthi akuhlosiwe ukuba kube njalo. Uma umuzwa wakho wamathumbu unamandla ngempela ngalokho, kungase kube yisikhathi sokuwethemba. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo bakho, nawo wonke amaphutha abo, busenamandla, kunokuningi ongakwenza ukuze uguqule izinto.
2. Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo sokubhekana nobudlelwano obunzima
“Ngokukhulumisana okucacile, kudingeka nithole ukuthi niyini komunye nomunye nokuthi nibona lobu budlelwano buhamba kuphi,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle. Akukho okunye ngaphandle kokukhuluma nomunye nomunye ngezinto enizilindele ebudlelwaneni benu , imigomo, izinto enizifunayo, nezidingo zenu bese nixoxa ngalokho okusebenzayo nokungasebenzeki. Ngakho-ke,
- Qala inkhulumomphendvulwano nomlingani wakho
- Batshele ukuthi yini oyidingayo kulobu budlelwano
- Bavumele basho izidingo zabo
- Bese, unquma ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukufika endaweni evumelana ngayo ukuze izinto zibe lula noma kungaba ngcono yini ukuthi nihlukane
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uyibeka Kanjani Imingcele Yemizwa Ebudlelwaneni
3. Beka imingcele ecacile
Ukuntuleka kwemingcele yobudlelwano obuhle kuyisici sobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi. Ngakho-ke, ngokwemvelo, ukusebenza ekumiseni nasekuphoqeleleni imingcele kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile ohambweni lwakho lokuthola ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi.
- Yisho ngokucacile ukuthi lobu budlelwano busho ukuthini kuwe futhi uzibekele imigomo yesikhathi esizayo
- Khuluma ngokukhululekile ngalokho okwamukelekayo nalokho okungaxoxiswana ngakho kuwe
- Misa okudingayo ukuze uzizwe uvikelekile futhi uthandwa
- Xoxani ngokuthi ukungahloniphi imingcele yomunye nomunye kungasho ukuthini ngekusasa lobudlelwano benu
4. Zibophezele ekufakeni umsebenzi
Uma ubona amandla ebudlelwaneni, khona-ke ukulungisa izinkinga zakho kuwufanele ngokuphelele. Kodwa-ke, lo mzamo uzothela izithelo kuphela uma bobabili abalingani bezibophezele ekufakeni umsebenzi odingekayo ukuze kuguqulwe izinto.
5. Funa ukusekelwa ukuze ubhekane nobudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi
Kungase kudingeke ukuthi uxoxe kaningi phakathi nesikhathi ngaphambi kokuba uqale indawo entsha. Ngezinye izikhathi, naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle kakhulu, ungase ukuthole kunzima ukwenza noma iyiphi indlela eya endaweni efanele. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukufuna usizo ngaphandle kobudlelwano. Ungakhuluma nabangani abaseduze noma umndeni ukuze uthole umbono odingekayo kakhulu noma ngisho nokuya ekwelashweni ukuze uxazulule izinkinga zakho. Uma udinga usizo, izinsizakalo zokweluleka zeBonobology ziyatholakala kuwe.
6. Bonisa ukuthi unendaba
Uma usunqume ukuhlala futhi usebenzele ubudlelwano benu, kubalulekile ukwenza umzamo wokwazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi uyathandwa, uyaziswa, futhi uyanakekelwa. Ukwelashwa kuthatha isikhathi. Okwamanje, yenza izinto ezincane kumlingani wakho ukuze uveze uthando lwakho futhi umbonise ukuthi umkhathalela kangakanani.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Ubudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi ubudlelwano okunzima ukubuchaza
- Ukulindela okungafani, imigomo nezindinganiso ezihlukene, amanxeba angokomzwelo angapholi, kanye nokungaqiniseki ezinye zezizathu ezenza ubudlelwano bube nzima.
- Ukungabi nesiqiniseko ngemizwa yakho, ukungaqiniseki ngekusasa, ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela, ukungajabuli, nokungqubuzana konke kuyizimpawu zobuhlobo obuyinkimbinkimbi.
- Impendulo yendlela yokubhekana nobuhlobo obuyinkimbinkimbi isekuthuthukiseni ukukhulumisana, ukubeka imingcele enempilo, ukwenza umzamo wokulungisa isibopho, nokufuna usizo uma kudingeka.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini inkinga noma umphumela wokubhekana nakho, kungcono ngaso sonke isikhathi ukusebenzela ekususeni ukungaqiniseki ebuhlotsheni, kunokumane ubhale ubuhlobo benu ngokuthi “buyinkimbinkimbi” bese buvumela ukuba bulenge esilinganisweni. Sithemba ukuthi uzokwazi ukubona ukuthi yini engahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho, siyini isizathu sokungajabuli kwakho, futhi uthole ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ubudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi yilapho ungase uthande/uthande omunye umuntu kodwa ungaqiniseki ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuba sebudlelwaneni naye.
Yebo, ngokuphelele. Futhi bobabili abalingani nabo banezinkinga ezinhle. Ubudlelwano obunzima busho ukuthi abalingani abekho kulobu budlelwano nezinyawo zombili futhi kufanele bathole izinto ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba bazinikele ngokuphelele komunye nomunye.
Ku-Facebook, ubuhlobo obuyinkimbinkimbi busho ukuthi unokuxhumana okuthile noma ezothando nothile kodwa akukona ukuzibophezela okuphelele ukukubiza ngobudlelwano obufanele. Kodwa-ke, awukashadi futhi njengoba inhliziyo yakho ihileleke kwenye indawo.
Umzabalazo Wamandla Ebudlelwaneni: Indlela Elungile Yokubhekana Nakho
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
