Ukuthandana nokuba sebudlelwaneni kuphakathi kwezinto ezinhle kakhulu ezingenzeka kuwe. Kodwa lapho ubuhlobo obungathi sína buphela, usizi lokuhlukana likuyisa emizweni ongase ukuthole kunzima ukubhekana nayo. Izigaba zosizi lokuhlukana zingayilimaza ngempela impilo yakho yengqondo.
Udinga umuntu ongakubamba isandla sakho kulesi sikhathi esinzima futhi akusize ukhale ngendlela efanele futhi ululame ngokushesha. Yilokho kanye esikuzele lapha. Ngokubonisana nomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekisiwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba zobudlelwano bomshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala ezimbalwa, sizokusiza uqonde ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ezigabeni ezahlukene zokudabuka ngemva kokuhlukana.
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abangu-26.8% abake bahlukana babike izimpawu zokucindezeleka.
Izigaba Eziyisi-7 Zosizi Ngemva Kokuhlukana Nendlela Yokubhekana Nesimo - Uchwepheshe Uyachaza
Okuqukethwe
Uma uthandana nomuntu, uqala ukukholelwa ukuthi uzozizwa ngale ndlela kuze kube phakade. Ngokufanayo, lapho uhlukana nothile, kukwenza uzizwe sengathi usizi lwakho luyohlala phakade. Kodwa, njengoba isisho samaBuddha sithi, “Yonke into ayihlali”, kanjalo nezigaba zokuhlukana kosizi. Uma usuqaphela ukuthi lezi zigaba zibandakanyani, uzoqonda ukuthi ubuhlungu obuzwayo buyisigaba esisodwa futhi buzogcina sehlile ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Nazi izigaba ezingu-7 zokuhlukana kosizi namathiphu okufanele uqhubeke, angakusiza uthuthukise indlela engcono yokubhekana nayo.
1. Ukuphika noma ukungakwazi ukucubungula ukuthi kuphelile
Uma ulahlekelwa yinto eyigugu kuwe ngokuzumayo, kungase kukushaqise kakhulu. Isigaba sokuqala sokuhlukana ukungakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani. Abanye abantu bayaphelelwa uthando futhi balubone luza. Kodwa, uma ukhashelwa noma ukhohliswa , khona-ke ukuhlukana kungase kukuthinte ngendlela ehlukile.
- Ukuzicwilisa otshwaleni, ezidakamizweni, ocansini, noma emsebenzini kungase kukuphazamise okwesikhashana kodwa ngeke kulungise ubuhlungu bakho
- Ubuhlungu buzobuya ngokushesha uze uthole izindlela zokwenza ukuthula nabo. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ezigabeni zokuhlukana kosizi kubafana kanye namantombazane.
- Ukuphela kwendlela yokususa ukuphika ukuzizwa yonke imizwa bese uyikhala
"Vuma ukuthi benifanelene, nganoma yisiphi isizathu, noma ukuthi bekungahlosiwe. Bhala uhlu lwazo zonke izinto abazenze kuwe noma abangazange bazenze ezazihlukumeza noma ezilimazayo."
– Pooja Priyamvada, Psychologist
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Ukuqonda ukuthi “kungani” ukuhlukana kwenzeka kubaluleke kakhulu enkambisweni yokuphulukiswa. Ukuqhubeka akuyona into eyenzeka ngosuku olulodwa. Kodwa qala ngokudla ukudla okunempilo nokuzivocavoca. Ukuzinakekela kungaba enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuqhubeka usuka ekuhlukaneni.
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuqonda kangcono izizathu zokuhlukana kuzokuvimbela ukuthi ungazifaki enhliziyweni noma uzithathe njengomuntu siqu.
2. Ukukhumbula i-ex yakho ngaso sonke isikhathi
Uma ukhuluma nothile imini nobusuku, ujwayela ukuthi ahlale ekulungele. Akulula ukuyeka umkhuba noma indlela ethile, ngakho-ke lesi sigaba sokudabuka kokuhlukana singakunikeza imizwa yokuzihoxa njengoba ufunda ukwamukela ukungabikho komuntu owawumthanda kakhulu. Ungase uzizwe sengathi ungamvimba noma umthumelele imiyalezo ngesikhathi sokulila kwakho, ukuze uzizwe ungcono okwesikhashana ngemva kokuhlukana.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Angu-9 Okuyeka Ukuzisola Ngemva Kokuhlukana
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Yilesi sikhathi lapho kufanele uzizungeze khona nabantu obathembayo futhi ongabethemba ngempela.
- Udinga abangane abangakusiza ukuthi uzithibe futhi bakulalele ulila ngokuhlukana kwakho
- Ukukhuluma ngakho konke okukukhathazayo kungasebenza kahle ngokuyisimangaliso kulesi sigaba sosizi lokuhlukana
- Khuluma ngosizi lwakho bese ulukhipha lonke emzimbeni wakho, uze ufike eqophelweni lapho luyeka ukukubangela khona
- Bhala incwadi yezenzakalo, qala ukubhala kuyo... yonke imininingwane yemizuzu. Yishise uma ufuna
- Ukuveza ubuhlungu, esikhundleni sokubucindezela, kuyicebiso elibalulekile lokuqhubeka
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izigaba Ezi-7 Zokubuyelana Nomuntu Owayengumlingani Wangaphambili
3. Ukuzama ukubuyelana ne-ex yakho
Lesi sigaba sosizi ngemva kokuhlukana sivame kakhulu. Yilapho abantu belahlekelwa khona ukuzihlonipha futhi bagcine bencenga lowo muntu ukuba abuye, nganoma yiziphi izindleko. Umuzwa wokunamathelana uphakeme kangangokuthi ukulahlekelwa yilo muntu kubonakala kungenakwenzeka. Ungase uzizwe sengathi ungalungisa konke nokuthi kulokhu kuzohluka, kodwa khumbula ukuthi kuyindilinga enobuthi ezoqhubeka iphindaphinda.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuqamba Amanga Ngokungalaleli Nemiphumela Yakho Ebudlelwaneni
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Zigcine umatasa kakhulu ngemisebenzi ekhiqizayo ukuze ungatholi isikhathi sokulandelela izinkundla zokuxhumana zowayengumlingani wakho.
- Ungasebenzisa izindlela zokubhekana nezimo ezinempilo njenge-yoga, ukuzindla, kanye nokuzivocavoca ukuze ugweme ukucabanga ngokweqile phakathi nalesi sigaba sokuhlukana
- Khetha into entsha yokuzilibazisa noma ikhono
- Bhalisela isifundo esiku-inthanethi
- Joyina ikilasi lomdanso Funda iresiphi entsha
- Zama ukwenza abangane abasha
Yenza noma yini ongayenza ukuze uzigcine uphazamisekile. Ukuba matasa kuyicebiso elibalulekile elingasheshisa inqubo yakho yokuqhubekela phambili.
4. Ukuba nentukuthelo/inzondo/necala
Umuzwa wothando ungasheshe uvumele imizwa emibi njengentukuthelo nenzondo. Akukholeki ukuthi uthando lungaphenduka inzondo, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi luba njalo.
- Ungase uzizwe unemizwa emibi kakhulu ngowakwakho wangaphambili futhi ungase ufune "ukuziphindisela"
- Kodwa ukuziphindiselela noma ukubalimaza ngeke kulungise ubuhlungu bakho noma kukusize unqobe ukuhlukana kwakho
- Eqinisweni, ukwenza ngalezi zifiso kuzokugcwalisa ngokuzisola nokuzizonda
- Gwema ukugxumela kobunye ubuhlobo ngokushesha noma ukukhuluma kabi ngowayengumlingani wakho nomaphi lapho uya khona
Ukudabuka ngokuhlukana akusho ukulahlekelwa isithunzi nobuqotho bakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-6 Ezivuthayo Zokuthi Akafuni Ubuhlobo Nawe
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Thatha konke lokhu kuthukuthela nokukhungatheka, ukufake emsebenzini wakho nasemsebenzini wakho. Kuzokunikeza injabulo, ukwaneliseka kanye nomuzwa wokuthola amandla. Sebenzisa ngendlela eyakhayo usizi lwakho lokuhlukana ngokuphumelela emsebenzini. Ukwenza kahle kulokho okwenzayo kungakunika ithuba elikhulu kakhulu kunothando lothando.
5. Ukuzwa ubuhlungu yisigaba sesihlanu sokuhlukana kosizi
Intukuthelo igcina inciphile bese ivula indlela yesigaba esilandelayo sokulila ukuhlukana okukugcwalisa ngokuphelelwa yithemba.
- Uzizwa sengathi inhliziyo yakho iphukile
- Futhi awusoze wakwazi ukuthemba umuntu noma ukuba nokholo othandweni
- Ukuzizwa kwakho uhloniphekile kungase kuthinteke ngoba uzizwa ungafaneleki
Ungakhathazeki, lokhu kuyindlela yokudlula, njengoba udlula ezigabeni eziyisikhombisa zokuhlukana nosizi.
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Kulesi sigaba sokulila ngenxa yokuhlukana, khumbula ukungagxili kule mizwa noma ukuyithatha njengeyomuntu siqu. Ngezinye izikhathi, izinto azihloselwe ukuba zibe njalo futhi abantu abahambisani. Futhi, khumbula ukuthi imizwa yakho ivamile futhi kulungile ukungalungi.
- Ukuxhumana kabusha nabangani bakudala kungakusiza ukuthi uqhubeke nobuhlungu obunjalo
- Thatha ifoni yakho bese uxoxa isikhathi eside nabantu osulahlekelwe ukuxhumana nabo
- Yiba khona kuyo yonke imibuthano yokuxhumana nabantu omenywa kuyo
- Mema abantu
Amathiphu okuqhubeka ? Vumela abantu bakusize futhi bakuthande ebunzimeni bakho. Bavumele babelane ngalowo mthwalo osemahlombe akho okusobala ukuthi unzima. Bavumele babe lapho ngenxa yakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuhlukana Kokuqala - Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhekana Nakho
6. Ukwamukela ukuthi kuphelile
Lesi sigaba sosizi ngemva kokuhlukana yilapho uqala ukwamukela ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi sekuphelile. Yilapho uqaphela khona ukuthi ukuba wedwa kungase kube ngcono kunokuba sebudlelwaneni obunobuthi. Ukuqhubekela phambili kuyinqubo ende nehamba kancane futhi akumele uyijahe noma uyiphoqe. Kufanele udlule ezigabeni zosizi ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze ukwazi ukuqhubeka uqhubeke.
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Lesi sigaba sidinga ukubekezela okukhulu nokuzithanda.
- Ukufaka bonke ubuhlungu bakho kanye nobuthakathaka bakho entweni enobuchule newusizo kungakusiza ukuthi uqhubeke nohambo lwakho
- Ukudlulisela ubuhlungu bakho ekudalweni, kungaba ngesimo sokudweba, ubuciko, izinkondlo, ukubhala incwadi, noma ukuqala inkampani entsha, kuye kwasebenza kahle ezinganekwaneni eziningi.
- Ibizwa ngokuthi “iMeraki” ngesiGreki, okusho ukuthi “ukwenza okuthile ngenhliziyo yakho yonke noma ngothando”
Ngokusho kocwaningo , imfihlo yokuqhubeka nobudlelwano besikhathi eside itholakala ekuqondeni okucacile kokuzibona. Ukufeza kanjani lokhu? Zinike isikhathi sokuzinakekela. Kungaba:
- Ukuhamba yedwa
- Ukuthenga wedwa esitolo esikhulu
- Ukudla wedwa ekhefini
- Ukugijima nama-earphone avuliwe
- Ukufunda incwadi
- Noma ukuphuza wedwa ebhawa ethile
Yiba umngane wakho omkhulu. Thola ikhaya lakho kuwe. Funda ukujabulela ukuba nawe.
7. Ukuqhubekela phambili kuyisigaba sokugcina sosizi ngemva kokuhlukana
Lesi ngesinye sezigaba ezibaluleke kakhulu zosizi lokuhlukana. Ukuqhubekela phambili, ngokweqiniso, kusho ukuzixolela nokuxolela umuntu obumthanda ukuze ungathwali lobu buhlungu nomthwalo ebudlelwaneni bakho obulandelayo. Ukuzijwayeza ukuthethelela kungase kube nzima kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma ukhohliswe, ulimele, noma ukhashelwe.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezi-7 Ezikusiza Ululame Ngemva Kokuhlukana
Indlela yokubhekana nakho
Umthethelela kanjani umuntu okubangele ubuhlungu?
- Zama ukukhumbula zonke izikhathi abakwenza uzizwe kahle ngazo. Kodwa, khumbula ukukwenza lokhu ukude
- Ukuthethelela kuthatha isikhathi sakho, ngakho ungasheshi
- Futhi, khumbula ukuthi ukubheka konke okwenzekile, ngozwela hhayi amagqubu, kungokwezifiso ukuphulukiswa kwenhliziyo yakho, awukwenzeli bona
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezi-7 Ezikusiza Ululame Ngemva Kokuhlukana
| Stage | Amathiphu okubhekana nesimo |
| Ukuphika | Zama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani nihlukene, Gxila ekuzinakekeleni njengokudla okunempilo nokuzivocavoca ukuze uthuthukise isimo sakho sengqondo |
| Ngikhumbula owakwakho wangaphambili | Yabelana ngemizwa yakho nabantu ongabathemba. Veza ubuhlungu bakho ngamajenali, ubuciko noma ezinye iziteshi. |
| Ukuzama ukubuyisana | Thulisa ingqondo yakho nge-yoga, ukuzindla, noma ukuzivocavoca Zigcine umatasa ngokuthola into entsha yokuzilibazisa noma ngokufunda ikhono elisha |
| Ukuzwa intukuthelo/ubuhlungu/umuzwa wecala | Thuthukisa la mandla ekukhiqizeni kwakho. Gxila emsebenzini wakho. |
| Ukuzizwa ubuhlungu | Xhumana kabusha nabangani bakho bakudalaYiya emibuthanweni yokuxhumana nabantu |
| Ukwamukelwa | Faka ubuhlungu bakho entweni yokudala njengezinkondlo, imidwebo, njll. Chitha isikhathi wedwa ukuze uqinise umuzwa wakho wokuzibona |
| Siqhubekela phambili | Yamukela ukuthi intethelelo ithatha isikhathi futhi kulungile. Zikhumbuze ukuthi intethelelo ayibafanele bona kodwa iwukuzikhulula emthwalweni. |
Ngisho noma wesaba, thatha isinyathelo sokholo ufunde ukubeka ithemba lakho kubantu futhi. Wonke umuntu uhlukile, ngakho ungafaki ubuhlungu besikhathi esidlule enkathini yakho yamanje. Zama ukuvuleleka bese uzama ukubona abantu abasha empilweni yakho ngeso elisha, esikhundleni somuntu ongcoliswe yizinkumbulo.
“Impilo izokuphula. Akekho ongakuvikela kulokho, futhi ukuhlala wedwa ngeke nakho, ngoba ukuba wedwa nakho kuzokuphula ngokulangazelela kwakho. Kufanele uthande. Kufanele uzizwe. Yisona sizathu sokuba lapha emhlabeni. Ulapha ukuze uphonse inhliziyo yakho engozini. Ulapha ukuze ugwinywe. Futhi uma kwenzeka ukuthi wephukile, noma ukhashelwe, noma ushiywe, noma ulimele, noma ukufa kuseduze, vumela uhlale eduze kwesihlahla sama-apula ulalele ama-apula ewa nxazonke zakho ngamanqwaba, echitha ubumnandi bawo. Zitshele ukuthi unambithe amaningi ngangokunokwenzeka”.
– Louise Erdrich, Isigubhu Esidwetshiwe
Amathiphu Okudlula Ukuhlukana - Yazi Kusazi Sobudlelwano
Umeluleki uRidhi Golechha utshele iBonobology ngaphambilini ukuthi, “Enye yezindlela ezivame kakhulu zokuzilimaza ukuzibamba unecala ngakho konke. Zijwayeze ukuzithethelela nokuzihawukela. Lapho uzithethelela kakhulu, kulapho uba nokuthula khona. Udinga ukubheka izinhlangothi ezimbili zemali, lapho uvuma khona iphutha lakho kanye nesidingo sokuba uqhubekele phambili.
“Ayikho into embi ngawe uma ulwela ukuhlula umuntu ngaphandle kokuzizonda vumela imicabango yakho ukuthi ifike idlule njengamafu hlukana nephethini lokuzahlulela ,zazi ukuthi ungubani ,zijabulele ngalowo muntu. Nawa amanye amathiphu awusizo okuthi ungaqeda kanjani ukuhlukana:
- Phuma esiteji sokuphika futhi ubone izinto njengoba zinjalo
- Bhala phansi amaqiniso mayelana nokuthi lobu budlelwano buguqule kanjani isibalo sakho nawe
- Gwema ukuzicwilisa ezidakamizweni/otshwaleni/kugwayi ukuze udambise izinhlungu
- Ukuzindla nokuzivocavoca kungakusiza ukuba hlanganisa impilo yakho ngemva kokuhlukana
- Khetha izindlela ezinempilo zokubhekana nempilo njengokwenza kangcono emsebenzini wakho/ukuthuthukisa izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa
- Funa ukwesekwa kochwepheshe futhi uncike kubantu abathembekile ukuze uthole ukwesekwa
- Funda isifundo sokuthi ukuzihlonipha kwakho kufanele kuqine kunemizwa yakho
- Inqubo yokwelapha izokwenzeka ngokwemvelo, ngesikhathi sayo esimnandi; ungaphoqi lutho
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Isigaba sokuqala sosizi lokuhlukana simayelana nokushaqeka/ukungakholwa
- Yabelana ngosizi lwakho nabantu abathembekile esigabeni sesibili
- Zigcine umatasatasa ukuze ukwazi ukulandela umthetho wokuthi ungathinteki esigabeni sesithathu
- Gwema ukugxumela kobunye ubudlelwano/ukukhuluma kabi isithandwa sakho esigabeni esilandelayo
- Kungokwemvelo ukuzwa ubuhlungu (ukuzethemba kwakho nakho kuzohlupheka); uzibekezelele
- Sebenzisa lezi zigaba ukuze uzazi, uzithande futhi uzixolele
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Isigaba esinzima kakhulu siyehluka kubantu abahlukene. Kuya ngesizathu sokuhlukana. Isibonelo, izinsuku zokuqala zinzima kakhulu ezigabeni zokuhlukana kosizi ngemva kokukopela (ngenxa yokushaqeka / ukukhashelwa). Kodwa, uma kwenzeka izigaba zokuhlukana kosizi ku-dumper, izigaba zokugcina zingase zibe namandla kakhulu (ngoba zifika kamuva).
Ukubhekana nezimpawu zosizi ngemva kokuhlukana kudinga ukuthi ungalwi nemizwa yakho futhi ukhulume ngayo esikhundleni salokho. Wonke umuntu unendlela yakhe yokubhekana nezinto (ngakho ungaziphoqi ukuthi uqhubeke). Ngokwesibonelo, izindlela zokubhekana nezigaba zokuhlukana kosizi kowesifazane zingase zehluke kwezendoda.
Ngemva kokuhlukana, izimpendulo zemizwelo zivame ukulandela izigaba zokudabuka ezifana nalezo ezibonakala ekushonelweni. Lokhu kungafaka:
Ukuphika noma ukushaqeka
Intukuthelo noma ukucasuka
Ukuxoxisana
Ukudabuka okujulile
Futhi ekugcineni ukwamukelwa nokukhula
Ukuqaphela lezi zigaba kusiza ekulungiseni imizwa futhi kuhlele uhambo lwemizwa njengenqubo kunokuba yinkinga.
Akukho sikhathi esinqunyiwe sokuhlukana nosizi ngoba luyahlukahluka ngezici ezifana nobude bobuhlobo, ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo, kanye nokuqina komuntu siqu. Abanye abantu baqala ukuzizwa bengcono kakhulu phakathi kwamasonto ambalwa kuya ezinyangeni, kanti abanye bangathatha izinyanga eziningi noma ngaphezulu ukuhlanganisa ukulahlekelwa ngokugcwele. Usizi aluqondile; izigaba zingahlangana, ziphinde zibuye, noma zivele ngendlela ehlukile. Ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo bungancipha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kodwa izinkumbulo nemizwa kungavela kabusha ngaphambi kokuba ukwamukelwa nokuphulukiswa kujule.
Imicabango Final
Ukuhlukana kungaba yinto enzima kakhulu futhi ebuhlungu, kanti ukuhlukana kungaba yinto efana nokulahlekelwa othandekayo wakho. Kodwa, ukubhekana nezigaba eziyisikhombisa zokudabuka ngemva kokuhlukana kungakusiza ukuthi ululame futhi ube ngumlingani otholakala ngokomzwelo kumuntu olandelayo othandana naye. Uma ulwa nokucindezeleka noma ukukhathazeka ngesikhathi/ngemuva kokuhlukana, ungesabi ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe. Abeluleki abanelayisensi nabanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobology basize abantu abaningi abasesimweni esifanayo. Nawe ungazuza kobuchwepheshe babo futhi uthole izimpendulo obuzifuna.
Amathiphu angu-11 Okubhekana Nesizungu Ngemva Kokuhlukana Futhi Uthole Ukusekelwa
Okufanele Ukwenze Ngemva Kokuhlukana: Imizwa Yangemva Kokuhlukana
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
