Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokuhlakulela Ukuphepha Kwemizwelo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Ubudlelwano bungenye yezinto ezimbalwa empilweni ezidinga umzamo owengeziwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Futhi kungenye yezinto abantu abavame ukuyithatha kalula kakhulu. Nakuba izimfuno, izifiso kanye nokulindelwe ebudlelwaneni kungahluka kumuntu nomuntu, ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kwenzeka njengesidingo esiqhubekayo.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubudlelwano obubole, kungaba umzali nengane, izingane zakini, noma izithandani, ufuna ukuthandwa, uqondwe, futhi wamukelwe ngalokho oyikho. Uma kukhona ukuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni, khona-ke ikhwalithi yokuxhumana iyawohloka futhi ingaba yingozi kakhulu. Lokhu kungadala ukungezwani okukhulu phakathi kwabantu abahilelekile futhi ungase uhlukane ekugcineni.

Sibona ubudlelwano obuningi buphela ngenxa yozakwethu oyedwa noma bobabili abazizwa bephephile ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho umuntu usilungisa kanjani isimo? Umqeqeshi wokuqomisana Geetarsh Kaur, umsunguli we-The Skill School egxile ekwakheni ubudlelwano obuqinile, usisiza siqonde ukuthi ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kuhilelani nokuthi singakuhlakulela kanjani lokho ngendlela engcono kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bethu.

Kuyini Ukuphepha Kwemizwelo Ebudlelwaneni?

Kalula nje, ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kuyisimo lapho abantu ababili bekhululekile ukuba yibona abaqotho eduze komunye nomunye. I-Geetarsh uyachaza, “Kuwuhlobo lobuhlobo lapho umbhangqwana ulondekile ngokwazi ukuthi ubuyelana ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokwesaba imiphumela noma ukwahlulelwa.

“Kungani ungangitsheli ukuthi uzizwa kanjani? Uma lena kuyimibuzo ozithola uzibuza yona noma ubuzwa ngaso sonke isikhathi, lokho kuwuphawu lokuthi kukhona ukuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ebudlelwaneni obungaphephile ngokomzwelo, awukwazi ukuyeka ukuqapha kwakho. Zama ngokusemandleni akho, ngeke ukwazi xhumana nomlingani wakho ezingeni elijulile.

Yindlela nje abantu abakhiwe ngayo. Sivame ukubaleka noma sizivalele lapho sizwa ukuthi sibona ukulimala noma ingozi. Ngisho noma ubuhlungu kungokomzwelo noma ngokwengqondo. Uma kukhona ukuphepha ngokomzwelo emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni, uyakhululeka phambi komlingani wakho, uphephile ngokwazi ukuthi uyahlonishwa futhi uthandwa ngaphandle kwemibandela nokuthi banesithakazelo sakho esingcono kakhulu ezinhliziyweni zabo.

Ukudala ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kubaluleke kakhulu ekwakheni ubudlelwano obunempilo. Isizathu sokuthi ubudlelwano obuningi buhlakazeke akukhona ukuthi abantu abanandaba kodwa ukuthi abazi ukuthi bangaluqinisa kanjani lolu hlobo lokuvikeleka ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni. Uma uzwe sengathi ubudlelwano bakho abunayo le ngxenye futhi, ake sihlole izibonelo zokuphepha ezingokomzwelo ongazisebenzisa ukuze uqinise ubudlelwano bakho.

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Izindlela Eziyi-8 Zokudala Ukuphepha Kwemizwelo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Ukube ukuphila bekungaba nencwadi yeziqondiso, besiyoba lula kakhulu sonke. Ngokudabukisayo, akusebenzi kanjalo. Lapho sifuna izimpendulo zezinkinga zethu, kungokwemvelo ukubheka abantu abasizungezile. Kodwa uma ubheka izibonelo zokuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni obuseduze nawe, ungagcina uphethwe yikhanda elibuhlungu. Phela ziningi izinhlobo zobudlelwano njengoba kukhona abashadile. Incazelo yokuphepha ngokomzwelo ingahluka kumuntu ngamunye.

Noma kunjalo, izimiso ezithile ezibalulekile zisiza ekuqiniseni lo muzwa wokulondeka ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. Silapha ukuze sihlole ukuthi ziyini lezo zimiso futhi sinikeze amathiphu azokusiza ukwakha ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kubudlelwano bakho:

1. Ukuhlola iqiniso - Isinyathelo sokuqala esiholela ekuphepheni ngokomzwelo

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuxazulula inkinga ukwamukela ukuthi kunenkinga. Okungukuthi, uma ngikhuluma iqiniso, kungaba nzima kakhulu. Lapho ubudlelwano bethu buba phansi ngaso sonke isikhathi, sizitshela ukuthi le nkinga ingeyesikhashana futhi sizokwenza bheka lesi siqeshana esinzima. “Lesi yisigaba nje, izinto zizoba ngcono ngemva kwesikhashana” noma “Kuwukungaqondi kahle futhi nginesiqiniseko sokuthi lesi sigameko ngeke siphindeke” kungamanye amanga esizitshela wona.

Kodwa izindaba ezishanelayo ngaphansi kombhoxo akuvamile ukuba zisize noma ubani. Futhi ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kuyinto ongenakuyishaya indiva. “Uma ukhathazekile ngokuthi ukukhuluma nabobulili obuhlukile kuzodala ukungqubuzana, noma uma kuba nezikhathi lapho ufihla imizwa yakho ngoba unomuzwa wokuthi akekho ozokuqonda noma ukwesaba kwakho kuzothathwa kancane, khona-ke sekuyisikhathi sokuvuma ukuthi lezi akuzona izibonelo zokulondeka ngokomzwelo nokuthi sekuyisikhathi sokulungisa izinkinga ezisebudlelwaneni bakho,” kweluleka uGeetarsh.

2. Qinisekisa umlingani wakho

Kunzima kakhulu ukuvulela umuntu isifuba uma umuntu ezwa ukuthi ubuthakathaka bakhe buzoklolodelwa noma bazokwahlulelwa ngokuveza imicabango nemizwa yakhe. Ukuze sidale ukuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, sidinga ukuqonda ukuthi wonke umuntu unezintambo ezihlukile. Indlela abasabela ngayo ezimeni, indlela isigameko esibenza bazizwe ngayo, nendlela ababhekana ngayo nokuhlukumezeka kungase kuhluke kakhulu endleleni wena ongazisingatha ngayo izinto.

Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yokuthi okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho noma indlela yokusingatha izimo ayifani, akusho ukuthi imizwa nemizwelo yomlingani wakho nganoma iyiphi indlela iwubala noma ayibalulekile. " Ungakwazi thuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho ngokulalela kumlingani wakho uma ekuvulele isifuba. Batshele ukuthi imizwa nemizwelo yabo iyasebenza futhi ubazise ukuthi ababodwa emzabalazweni wabo,” kusikisela uGeetarsh.

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3. Cabanga ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume

UGeetarsh uthi: “Into ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele siyikhumbule lapho sizama ukwakha ukuphepha ngokomzwelo emshadweni iwukunaka lokho okushoyo, ezikhathini eziningi lapho kushisa, sigcina sesisho izinto esingaqondile kodwa amazwi ethu angadala umonakalo omkhulu ngokomzwelo.”

Amagama angamathuluzi anamandla, angakha noma aphule umuntu, ngakho qaphela kakhulu ukuthi uwasebenzisa kanjani. Gwema ukubiza amagama abantu ngamagama noma ukusebenzisa imisho yokuphuma efana nokuthi “Uzwela ngokweqile” noma “Angeke ngisakwazi ukwenza lokhu futhi sengingakwazi ukuhlala nawe”. Imisho enjengalena iqeda ukuphepha kobudlelwano futhi ingakwazi yenza umlingani wakho azizwe engavikelekile.

Esikhundleni sokusebenzisa elithi 'wena', kungcono ukusebenzisa imisho ethi 'thina' ehloselwe ukuxazulula. “Kufanele sikuxazulule lokhu” noma “sizokwenza lokhu kusebenze” ezinye izibonelo zokuphepha ezingokomzwelo. Ngokufaka lawa magama aqinisekisayo esikhundleni sokugeja okulimazayo, ungenza igxathu ekuzizweni uphephile ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni.

4. Hlonipha imingcele yomlingani wakho

Uma uthandana nomuntu ngokukhethekile, nakanjani uzozizwa ubalulekile. Kodwa-ke, lokho kuba yingxenye ngokuvamile kungaphenduka umuzwa wemfanelo futhi yilapho izinto ziba yinkinga. Bonke ubudlelwano obunempilo bunemingcele futhi kubaluleke kakhulu ukubuhlonipha. Uma imingcele yomuntu ishaywa indiva, bangase bayeke ukuzizwa bephephile ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni futhi baphendule ngokuvala noma ukuhoxa egobolondweni labo.

Ukuhlakulela ukuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukukhumbula futhi uhloniphe imingcele yomlingani wakho futhi ungayiphuli, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izimo. Qaphela lapho ingxoxo iphenduka ingxabano, thatha ikhefu ukuze wehlise umoya ngaphambi kokuba uphinde ubuyele esihlokweni. Imingcele ebudlelwaneni akukona nje ukuvikela wena nobudlelwano, kodwa futhi mayelana nokuhlonipha okungcwele kini nobabili.

5. Namathela emazwini akho ukuze wakhe ukuphepha ngokomzwelo

Uzoqaphela ubudlelwano obuntula ukwethembana buhlushwa ukuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo. “Ukwakha ukwethembana phakathi kozakwethu kubalulekile ngenkathi udala ukuphepha ngokomzwelo futhi lokho kwenzeka lapho bobabili abalingani benamathela emazwini abo,” kuchaza uGeetarsh. Akubonakali kukuningi, akunjalo? Nokho kubaluleke kakhulu.

Ungase ucabange ukuthi akwenzeki njalo ukugcina izwi lakho futhi kuyiqiniso. Kanye enyangeni eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, izinto zingenzeka futhi kungase kudingeke sibuyele emuva ezwini lethu. Kodwa, uma kungenzeka ukuthi ubeke phambili konke okunye ngaphandle kwesithembiso sakho, maningi amathuba okuthi umlingani wakho alahlekelwe ukholo kuwe ngokuphelele. Ukungabikezeli okuguquguqukayo akwenzi lutho ekuphepheni ngokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke shintshashintsha futhi unamathele ezithembisweni zakho ngisho nalapho kuphazamisa.

6. Nikeza umlingani wakho inzuzo yokungabaza futhi ufune ukuthi kungani

Ukuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni nakanjani kubangela ukungazethembi nokusola. U-Xena wayeba nexhala njalo lapho kufanele ethule abangani bakhe besilisa kanye nozakwabo kuRyan. Ngokuvamile kunalokho, kungaholela ezingxabano ezishisayo phakathi kwalaba ababili. Lapho lokhu kuba iphethini, u-Xena waqaphela ukuthi wayenjalo ukubhekana nesoka elingavikelekile.

UXena wahlalisa uRyan phansi wakhuluma naye. Wamtshela indlela ayezizwa ngayo futhi wezwa noRyan ephuma. URyan wachaza ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi wayenomuzwa wokuthi u-Xena unobungane kakhulu nokuthi abafana bangase bazame ukweba intombi yakhe kude naye njengasebudlelwaneni bakhe bokugcina. U-Xena noRyan babona ukuthi ukungazethembi kwakuvelaphi futhi banquma ukusebenzela kukho.

Ukuthi umlingani wakho unesethi yemibono ehlukile kuneyakho akumenzi umuntu omubi. Esikhundleni sokwenza ukucabanga nokugxeka imibono yabo nohlelo lwenkolelo, zama ukuqonda ukuthi basukaphi. Ukuhlakulela lo mkhuba omncane kuzokwenza izimangaliso ebuhlotsheni bakho.

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7. Izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi ekwakheni ukuphepha ngokomzwelo

“Akuwona amagama owasebenzisayo kuphela kodwa futhi nomzimba wakho futhi okusiza ekwakheni ukuphepha ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni,” kuchaza uGeetarsh, “Ukuhlola umlingani wakho, ukumshayela ucingo ukuze umazise ukuthi uphephile noma ukuthi usengqondweni yakho konke kuyizinto ezisiza ekwakheni ukuphepha ngokomzwelo emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni bakho.”

Izinto ezincane njengokuphequlula amehlo noma ukweqa izingalo lapho ukhuluma zilimaza ingxoxo onayo. Kunikeza umbono wokuthi awusamukeli. Ulimi lomzimba ludlala indima ebudlelwaneni. Kungase kube okucashile futhi kwesinye isikhathi kuquleke nakho kodwa kunomthelela omkhulu kumuntu esikhuluma naye. Lalela umlingani wakho ngomqondo ovulekile futhi kuzobonakala ngokuzenzakalelayo ezenzweni zakho.

8. Funa ukwelulekwa ukuze ubhekane nokuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni

Kuthatha ababili ukuya ku-tango kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ubudlelwano bungazwakala njenge-warzone. Iminyaka yokulimala nobuhlungu iyanqwabelana futhi asikwazi ukubona izinto ezincane ngokukhanya okungangcolisiwe. Wonke umusho ubonakala unecala. Yonke imibono evezwayo izizwa inganakiwe. Uma kwenzeka uzizwa ungezwakali futhi ungathandwa. Futhi ubuhlobo obuhle ngokuzumayo buqala ukuzizwa bunobuthi.

Izikhathi eziningi imibhangqwana izithola ingakwazi ukuphuma kulo mkhuba, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bobabili abalingani benza umzamo ongakanani. Esimeni esinjalo ukuthola usizo oluvela kumeluleki oqeqeshiwe noma uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo kungasiza ekuguquleni amandla akho. Uma ucabanga ukufuna usizo, abeluleki abanamalayisense nabanolwazi kuphaneli ye-Bonobology bakhona ukuze bakusize.

Kuthatha isikhathi ukwakha ukuphepha ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. Kuyingxenye enkulu ye-a ubuhlobo obunempilo lokho akufanele kube sengozini. Kunezindlela eziningi umuntu angakhuthaza ngazo ukuphepha ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni futhi izibonelo ezihlukene zokuphepha ngokomzwelo zisebenza ngendlela ehlukile kuwo wonke umbhangqwana.

Ngakho-ke vula futhi ukhulume nomlingani wakho futhi uzokwazi ukuthi kumnandi kangakanani ukuba sebudlelwaneni lapho uzwakala, waziswa, futhi uthandwa. Futhi khumbula ukuthi usizo luyi-a chofoza kude.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.