Uma ulinda ngeSonto ntambama, umlingani wakho kanye nawe ningase nijabule emuzweni wokuthi ningababhangqwana abahamba phambili enibaziyo futhi ukuxhumana kwenu akunalutho. Uma uskrola ku-Instagram yakho, ubona u-Brad no-Mindy bedlala enkundleni yethenisi, inkundla yegalofu encane, nasekuvuleni igalari yobuciko! Impela, kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano, owakho usathwele umqhele, akunjalo?
Kungani abanye abashadile kufanele bahlale besohambeni, futhi abanye bajabule kakhulu lapho umfana we-pizza ekugcineni ekhala insimbi yokucasha? Kungani abanye abashadile bebiza abalingani babo “njengomngane wabo omkhulu”, kuyilapho abanye bengakwazi ukuvala izandla zabo komunye nomunye? Uzomangala ngokuhlukahluka okuhlukahlukene kwezinhlobo zobudlelwano othandweni nempilo ngokujwayelekile.
Abanye abantu bake bathambekele emndenini, kanti enye inkatho ikhetha impilo ye-bohemian, yenza abangane abasha nsuku zonke. Uzoqaphela umuntu owamukela ubungane phezu kothando. Futhi abanye abambalwa mhlawumbe bazonqamula abangane ekuphileni ukuze bachithe sonke isikhathi nomlingani wabo. Njengoba nje umbhali odumile ake asho, “Wonke umhlaba uyisiteji, futhi bonke abesilisa nabesifazane bangabadlali nje.”
Izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano esibubonayo zingakwazi ukuphendula yonke le mibuzo futhi zingase zikutshele ukuthi eyakho ihlelwe kanjani. Mhlawumbe ngemva kokudlula ohlwini lwethu lwazo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano, uzokwazi ukuphendula ngokwethembeka ukuthi kungani nobabili nizonda kangaka uBrad noMindy.
Izinhlobo Ezihlukene Zobudlelwano
Okuqukethwe
Uma usothandweni oseluthathe iminyaka engu-5+, cabanga ngohlobo lwabantu owawuyilo ngesikhathi niqala ukuthandana. Ubuntu bakho, ubudlelwano bakho, nesisindo sakho (uxolo) konke kushintshile, akunjalo? Ngokufanayo, abukho ubuhlobo bothando obuhlala ngempela esigabeni esichaziwe phakade.
Noma kunjalo, ukubeka ubudlelwano ezigabeni kungase kube usizo, uma ufuna ukuqonda izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano. Kwazi bani, uma usuthole ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bothando buwela kuluphi uhlobo, ungakwazi ukubenza bube ngcono. Kodwa uyazi ukuthi bathini, awukwazi ukuthuthuka ekupheleleni (thatha lokhu njengokuxolisa kokuphawula kwesisindo). Ake singene ebudlelwaneni obuhlukene, ukuze ekugcineni unikeze umbhangqwana kaBrad no-Mindy ilebula ngenkathi uhleba ngawo:
1. Ubudlelwano obungathí sina kangako
Ubudlelwano 'okwamanje', noma a ubudlelwano obujwayelekile, uma kungenzeka. Bobabili abalingani ngokuvamile bayakujabulela ukuba ndawonye kodwa abafuni lutho olubucayi. Ubudlelwano bokuqomisana obufana nalobu bungase buphakame lapho abalingani ababili befuna ukuphola osizini lothando oluphukile, noma befuna nje ukusondelana, ngaphandle kwamalebula nezithembiso ezithile.
Lezi zinhlobo zokuguquguquka kobudlelwano zizosebenza kahle kuphela uma bobabili abalingani sebecacile mayelana nabakulindele kusukela ekuqaleni. Uma kungenjalo, kungase kuthathe isimo sokukhohlisa ngeshwa. Uma sikhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu, kunohlangothi olulodwa lwalolu hlobo lobambiswano. Intombazane noma umfana angase athande omunye umuntu naphezu kokuqaphela ukuma kwabo ngokucacile.
Uma wena noma othile omaziyo nikwazile ngempumelelo ukuthola ubudlelwano obujwayelekile obunelisayo, singasho ukuthi unenhlanhla emhlabeni. Ubani odinga nokwazi mayelana nazo zonke ezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando uma 'okwamanje' kukhona ubudlelwano obujwayelekile? Yiyona ehamba phambili kuyo yomibili imihlaba, yingakho icishe ifane nama-unicorn.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Eziyisi-7 Zokungavikeleki Ebudlelwaneni, nokuthi Zingakuthinta Kanjani
2. Uhlobo olujwayelekile kakhulu lobudlelwano: Ibanga elide
Ukuboshelwa amabanga amade kufana nomtholampilo kadokotela wezifo zabesifazane. Akekho ngempela ofuna ukuba koyedwa kodwa sonke senze lolo hambo lokuqala olunovalo, sesaba okubi kakhulu. Kwabangaqali (noma abanenhlanhla), ubudlelwano bebanga elide luhlobo lobudlelwano bothando lapho umlingani wakho engahlali edolobheni/ezweni elifanayo nawe.
Cishe kuwububi obudingekayo, obukwazisa ngobuhle nobubi bobudlelwano obuhlukene, kuyilapho futhi kukwenza uqalekise inhlanhla yakho njalo lapho ningekho ndawonye.. Ubudlelwano bebanga elide bungasebenza kuphela lapho umbhangqwana uthembana, ukhulumisana ngokukhululekile, futhi uhloniphana. Kunzima ukuba phakathi, ngokuqinisekile, kodwa ziningi izindaba zempumelelo futhi.
Lezi zinhlobo zobudlelwano bezothando empilweni ziqala kufilimu enjalo. "Lokhu sizowenza noma ngabe sikude kangakanani." Kodwa bafundi bami abathandekayo, asikugcine kunengqondo ukunihlenga bonke ubuhlungu. Eqinisweni, ngiyazi umbhangqwana owahlukanisa amazwekazi ngaphandle kwenhloso yokubuyela ezweni futhi. Manje abakwazi ukubhekana nokuthandana nomunye umuntu futhi abakwazi ukukuhlukanisa. Kuwukudonsisana kwamazwekazi okudabukisayo. Ngakho-ke, ngingaphakamisa ukuthi uthathe lokhu okungajwayelekile kuphela uma izinhloso zakho nokukhetha kwakho kuphila kuhambisana.
3. Ubudlelwano obuncikene
Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano, umbhangqwana osesilinganisweni esisodwa uvame ukuhlangana nomuntu wangaphandle. Uyazi uhlobo, oluhlala luhlangene enqulwini, alukwazi ukuphila umzuzwana ngaphandle komunye nomunye. Inkundla yabo yezokuxhumana ihlale igcwele omunye nomunye, kunesikhala somuntu esingekho ebudlelwaneni babo. Kuzo zonke izinhloso nezinjongo, kungase kungabi ukuguquguquka okunempilo.
Uma udinga ireferensi engcono ukuze uqonde lezi zinhlobo zobudlelwano empilweni, vele ubheke uLily noMarshall kusuka Indlela I Met Your Mother. Uma uthi nhlá, zibonakala ziyisibonelo sothando lweqiniso nemigomo yombhangqwana engenangqondo. Kodwa ukuncika kwabo okunamandla ngokomzwelo akuzange kubavumele ukuba bachithe ihlobo elilodwa nje bengekho.
Kwezinye izimo, a ubudlelwano obuncikene kungenzeka futhi ngenxa yokuntula ukwethenjwa kanye/noma ukungazethembi. Ozakwethu bangase bangazi nokuthi bangobani ngaphandle kobudlelwano, okugcina kudala izinkinga ezinkulu. Psst, mhlawumbe lena ilebula ka-Brad no-Mindy?
4. Ubudlelwano obuzimele
Lolu hlobo lobudlelwano lunezici ezinempilo nezihle. An ubuhlobo obuzimele kodwa obunothando yileyo lapho abalingani ababili bendawonye kodwa futhi banikezana inani elifanele lendawo yomuntu siqu. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano, lobu buhle futhi busebenza kakhulu.
Ozakwethu bakhula futhi bavule amaphiko abo ngaphandle kobudlelwane futhi, futhi ubuntu buhlonishwa kahle ku-dynamic efana nalokhu. Kukhona inhlonipho eyanele evela kubo bobabili ozakwethu ngendawo yomuntu ngamunye, uthando, kanye nombono. Ubudlelwano obuzimele buhlala bungcono kunobunye obuncikene ngoba uyazi ukuthi bathini ngokubambelela entweni oyithandayo iqine kakhulu.
5. Ubudlelwano bocansi
Abangane abanezinzuzo, izithandani ezihileleka ocansini, ophathina bocansi…kubize noma yini oyifunayo, isisekelo asishintshi. Ubuhlobo bobulili yibo lapho abantu ababili behileleka ngokocansi omunye nomunye, ngaphandle kokusondelana okuncane noma okungekho ngokomzwelo.
Abantu abasesimweni sokuphila lapho bengakakulungeli ukubhekana nezinxushunxushu ezingokomzwelo zobudlelwano noma abafuna ukuphinda baphinde bangathola lolu hlobo lobudlelwano obushukumisayo buvumelana kakhulu. Uma kwenzeka bethandana ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokuba sebudlelwaneni, igama elithi "abangani abanezinzuzo” ingase ifaneleke kangcono ukuchaza ukuguquguquka kwazo.
Kodwa njengefilimu edumile ka-Ashton Kutcher kanye noMila Kunis ekhuluma ngabangane abanezinzuzo, izinto zinokuthambekela kokugcina ziyinkimbinkimbi kunokuzijabulisa. Njengoba into ejabulisa kakhulu ukuthi ingenakho ukuzibophezela kanye nezinkinga, ungase wazi inqwaba yoGen Zers ngokukhuthele noma uzama ukuthola lezi zinhlobo zobudlelwane bocansi. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ezinye izizukulwane azikwazi ukuba nengxenye ebudlelwaneni bobulili kuphela.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Eziyisi-8 Zothando Futhi Ezikushoyo Kuwe
6. Vula ubudlelwano
An ubudlelwano obuvulekile ihlanganisa abalingani bocansi abangaphezu koyedwa, kodwa ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo ngokuvamile kugcinelwe kuphela ozakwethu abasebudlelwaneni naye. Kalula nje, abantu abasebudlelwaneni obuvulekile bangase baye ocansini nabanye abantu. Lezi zinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando empilweni aziyona indaba evamile yombhangqwana wansuku zonke. Abantu abanomphefumulo womhloli kanye nengqondo ekhululayo bangaphatha ubudlelwano obuvulekile ngempumelelo.
Asikhulume iqiniso, thina bantu abafayo sithwele imizwa enjengomona futhi akuthina sonke esingawunqoba kalula kanjalo. Ukuvumelana kuyisihluthulelo sokuvula amandla obudlelwano. Ozakwethu abasebudlelwaneni obuvulelekile bangaba nesibopho esiqinile ngokomzwelo omunye nomunye futhi bangase babonakale bengahlukile ebuhlotsheni bendabuko bokushada nomuntu oyedwa, okungenani phambi kwemizwa. Kunezinhlobo zobudlelwano lapho, njengoba ubona, kungadingeki ukuthi kuhlale kukhona umuntu oyedwa.
7. Ubudlelwano obunqanyuliwe/obukude
Ubudlelwano obuzimele buhle, kodwa lapho isikhala somuntu siqu siphuma esandleni, ungase uthuthukise ubuhlobo obunqanyuliwe. Ozakwethu bangase babe ne ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzwelo noma ngisho ngokomzimba, futhi kungase kugodole komunye nomunye. Ngokwesaba udeveli abangamazi, abanye abantu bakhetha ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni obunqanyuliwe ngenxa yokujwayelana elikunikezayo kanye nokuntuleka kokungqubuzana njengoba kungekho lutho ngempela abangalwa ngalo.
Njengezinhlobo eziningi zobudlelwano obungasebenzi kahle, lokhu akwenzeki ngokuphazima kweso. Ozakwethu kungenzeka ngaphambilini babelane ngesibopho esinempilo, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi bangase bahlukane. Kodwa, ngaleso sikhathi, sebejwayelene kangangokuthi ukuhlukana nokwazi othile zisuka nje kubonakala kuwumzamo omkhulu kakhulu.
Ngenxa yalokho, bakhetha ukuba abantu ababili abangabazi ebuhlotsheni obufanayo. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando, lobu bungase bucindezele kakhulu. Ukubuka ubudlelwano obunqanyuliwe bufiphala kancane bugcine bungabonakali kunzima kubo bobabili ozakwethu nakubantu ababazungezile.
8. Ubudlelwano bezothando esifisa ukuthi abuzange bube khona: Ubudlelwano obunobuthi
Nalapha futhi, waphinda wathi, ukukhanyiselwa umoya, ukukhohlisa, ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo/ngokomzimba…uthola umongo. Ubudlelwano obunobuthi buletha isivunguvungu semizwa, futhi kuyaqabukela ukuthi uthole umuntu ongathi akakaze abe nobudlelwano bothando obungenabo ubuthi ngokwemvelo.
Olunye lwezinhlobo ezibekezelelwa kakhulu nezidume kabi zobudlelwano othandweni, ubudlelwano obunobuthi bungathatha izimo nezinhlobo eziningi. Njengoba ubudlelwano obunobuthi buhlanganisa ukukhohlisa, ukukhanya kwegesi, umona, nezindaba zokwethembana, zingase zigcine zidale ukulimala kwengqondo kanye/noma ngokomzimba kumuntu.
Izinhlobo zobudlelwano ezinjengalezi zisitshela ukuthi kufanele sigweme ukuguquguquka okuthile kusukela izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zobudlelwane obunobuthi azibonakali ngempela kithi kuze kube yilapho sibona ukuthi sisebunzimeni bezinto. Kodwa-ke, uma ubona noma yimaphi amafulegi abomvu kusenesikhathi, kungcono ukuthi uhlale uqaphile. Okungcono nakakhulu, kunokuba ume lapho futhi ubekezelele i-bullshit nokuhlukunyezwa, khipha isihogo kulobu budlelwano. Ngeke ukweleta muntu lutho!
9. Ubudlelwane bomzabalazo wamandla
Ubudlelwano bothando obuncintisanayo/obulawulayo yibo lapho abalingani ababili behlala beqhudelana, ukuthola ukuthi ubani onesandla esiphezulu ebudlelwaneni babo. Ukukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni, imidlalo yengqondo emincane, nokubukelana phansi kungase kulandele, ngomzamo wokwazisa uzakwethu ukuthi ubani onamandla engeziwe.
Ubudlelwano obuhlukene bufaka imidlalo yamandla ehlukene njengoba kungekho nobodwa ubudlelwano obungenabo. Nakuba, ebuhlotsheni obulawulayo, izinto zingase zishintshe. Ubani ohola ngaphezulu? Ubani onamandla okwenza izinqumo? Ubani obiza isibhamu? Imibuzo emincane efana nalena ingase igcine ilawula ubudlelwano.
Uma ungumuntu ozithobayo kulobu budlelwano, maduze nje uzobona ukuthi ubambe iqhaza emqhudelwaneni ongapheli. Futhi akukho ukunqoba kumlingani wakho ovelele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kangakanani, imizamo yakho kanye nalokho okufezile ngeke kube nalutho kukho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Eziyisi-7 Zemingcele Ozidingayo Ukwenza Ubudlelwano Bakho Buqine
10. Ubudlelwano be-Polyamorous
Asikwazi ukushiya izibopho ze-polyamorous ngaphandle kwengxoxo yezinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwane. Ngokwemvelo, ubudlelwano be-polyamorous busondele kakhulu kobuvulekile kodwa bunokusonteka okungeziwe. Ngokungafani nobudlelwano obuvulekile, ku-polyamory, unabalingani abaningi abanothando nabathandanayo. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungenzeka noma kungenzeki komunye noma kuzo zonke. Kuyahlukahluka kumuntu nomuntu.
Kukhona igama elihle lokuchaza ingqikithi yobudlelwane be-polyamorous - ukuziphatha okungeyona indoda eyodwa, lapho abalingani ababili behileleka ebuhlotsheni bothando obungaphezu kobunye ngemvume egcwele evela nhlangothi zombili. Imibhangqwana eminingi icabanga ukugcina isigaba esisekelwe ekubalukeni bese ilebula eyodwa njengobudlelwane babo obuyinhloko. Futhi, ngenxa yokuthi i-polyamory ikuvumela ukuba ube nabalingani abaningana, akusho ukuthi umqondo wokukopela awukho kulokhu. Kufanele usebenze ngemingcele ethile kanye nalokho okulindele ngaphambi kokungena ebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous.
11. Uthando oluhle lwakudala lukaplatonic
Ingabe uke uzibuze, "Kungani ngingakwazi ukuthola ubuhlobo lapho ngingeke ngahlulelwe khona ngokuba yimi? Lapho ngizizwa ngijabule ngokuphelele futhi ngiphephile kunanoma iyiphi enye indawo kulo mhlaba. Umuntu ongakwazi ukufunda ingqondo yami ngaphambi kokuba ngikhulume. Ubuhlobo lapho kungeke kube khona umthwalo wokulindela impilo yonke, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, akukho ukuzulazula kwamehlo afisayo? "Ingabe lokho akunakwenzeka?
Cha mngani wami lento oqeda kuyichaza ikhona kusukela kudala. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano empilweni, uthando lwe-platonic aluvamile futhi luyigugu kakhulu - mhlawumbe futhi lungaphansi kakhulu. Inguqulo yesimanje yomqondo ka-Plato wothando iphakamisa isibopho esisondelene kakhulu/ubudlelwano/ubungani obusekelwe othandweni olumsulwa nothando.
Ukhiye umehluko phakathi kobudlelwano be-platonic nobothando ukuthi kumabhondi e-platonic, ubulili abukho ngokuphelele etafuleni. Uma ubheka ngokucophelela esibukweni sokuphila, cishe uyobona umuntu owabelana naye lobu buhlobo bobunkulunkulu, ngaphandle kokwazi ngakho.
12. Uhlobo oluhle kakhulu lobudlelwano: Ubudlelwano obuvumelanayo
Ukuvumelana, ubuhlobo obunempilo iyigugu eliyigugu phakathi kwezinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano; yiyona kanye eyenza abantu bathi “Aww!” kanye nokuluhlaza okuncane okunomona. Njengoba singaphili emhlabeni we-utopian, uthando olungenamibandela, oluphelele alukho. Okusondele kakhulu kulokho, nokho, ubuhlobo obumnene, obunomusa, nothando obuhlanganisa abalingani abazimisele ukuzidela ngomunye nomunye futhi bakhumbule izithakazelo ezingcono kakhulu zomunye nomunye.
Ozakwethu ababili bangase bazizwe bemiselwe omunye nomunye, njengokungathi bangabalingani bomphefumulo ababelana ngamavelu afanayo, imigomo efanayo, izintshisekelo ezifanayo. Akuvamile ukuba izibopho ezinjalo zakheke futhi zichume, kodwa uma sezenzekile, ziba isibonelo esikhanyayo sombhangqwana ophelele. Eqinisweni, kuwo wonke umuntu obazungezile, ayi-#CoupleGoals!
Sithemba ukuthi ezinhlotsheni zobudlelwano esizibalile, obakho buwela ezigabeni ezinempilo. Uma namanje uqhathanisa ubudlelwano bakho nalowo mbhangqwana ocasulayo nobabili anikwazi ukuyeka ukubhebhana, tholani induduzo ngokuthi ubuhlobo obubodwa buhlukile futhi buhlukile ngenxa yothando nezindinganiso eniziletha kubo. Ukuba khona kwalezi zinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano kufanele kukunikeze umbono wokuthi obakho bukhethekile futhi bubuhle kangakanani.
Izinhlobo Ezingu-5 Zobaba Nokumele Kulindelwe Uma Zikulindele
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
