Phakamisa isandla sakho uma uke wabuka uhlelo lwe-Netflix oluthi Wena. Gcina isandla sakho siphakanyisiwe uma uke wenza noma yini efana nalokho uJoe Goldberg akwenza ezigabeni zokuqala. Imicabango ejulile, amaphupho angajwayelekile, amathemba agcwele yonke into, kanye nokungilandela okungenamkhawulo. Ingabe ukwenzile konke lokhu ngokuqiniseka okuqinile kokuthi uthandana? Awukwazi ukungibona, kodwa ngiphefumula ngokuphelelwa yithemba. Sinengxoxo enzima ephambi kwethu.
Naphezu kwezinkolelo zakho ezinhle kakhulu, lokho obhekene nakho akulona uthando. Liyigama elibonakala lihle elibizwa ngokuthi 'i-limerence.' Lizwakala lihle, akunjalo? Ungakhohliswa umuzwa walo wobunkondlo; i-limerence ilimaza impilo yakho ngezindlela eziningi kunalokho ongakucabanga. Yingakho nje sikubeka ngaphansi kwe-microscope namuhla. Ukuze ngikhanyise izici eziningi ze-limerence, ngixhumane nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ogxile ekwelulekeni kobudlelwano kanye nokwelashwa kokuziphatha okunengqondo.
UDkt. Bhonsle nami silapha ukuze siphendule yonke imibuzo yakho - Uyichaza kanjani i-limerence? Kungani luhlukile othandweni? Futhi yiziphi izimpawu ezimbalwa ze-limerence okufanele uziqaphele? Ake senze ibhola ligingqike.
Iyini Incazelo Ye-Limerence?
Okuqukethwe
Owesifazane oyinkanyezi okuthiwa u-Dorothy Tennov kuthiwa waqamba igama elithi limerence ngo-1979 (yebo, libuyela emuva), elichaza njengendlela yokuthatheka okukhulu. I-Limerence isimo somqondo lapho umuntu eba nemicabango enamandla ngomunye umuntu, lowo athanda kuyena ezothando. Le micabango iyaxaka futhi icishe iphumele ebuhlotsheni obucatshangwayo noma obusekelwe emaphusheni. Ukuthatheka kuyalutha kakhulu futhi kuyalimaza.
Ngezinye izikhathi, kungase kuhambisane nokuba nethemba elingelona iqiniso ngekusasa nalowo muntu. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuba nesibindi cishe njalo kuhlangothi olulodwa futhi akuxhomekile eqinisweni. Kuwukuthatheka , hhayi uthando . Bheka le migqa evela ku-sonnet kaShakespeare eveza kahle ukuba nesibindi.
“Awukwazi okuningi, ngigcwele ngawe,
Ngakho-ke ingqondo yami yeqiniso kakhulu ingenza ngingabi neqiniso.”
Masiqonde i-limerence kangcono ngesibonelo. Isibonelo, owesifazane - esizombiza ngoJulia - uba nothando ngozakwabo omusha. Akunangozi ekuqaleni futhi uJulia uhamba ngokuphoxeka, ukumamatheka, ukwethuka, njll..
Kodwa ukuthatheka kubonakala kuqina ngokushesha. UJulia akakwazi ukugxila emsebenzini, kubangane, noma emndenini; impendulo enzima evela kuye imosha usuku lwakhe ngokuphazima kweso. Uma emoyizela, use-cloud nine. Impilo yakhe ilawula ngokuphelele lokhu kulungiswa okungenampilo okuletha okubi kakhulu kuye. Kuyabonakala kubangani bakhe ukuthi lo asebenza naye akanandaba naye. Bangaqhumisa kanjani ibhamuza lakhe futhi bambuyisele emhlabeni wangempela?
Manje, ungaba uJulia odinga kakhulu ukuzihlola noma ungaba umngane ofuna uJulia. Uma ufuna impendulo yombuzo wezigidigidi zamarandi wokuthi kuyini ukubekezela, qhubeka uskrola phansi. Ungase ungakuthandi lokho okufundile ezindaweni ezimbalwa, kodwa khumbula lokho uDkt. Bhonsle akushoyo, “Isinyathelo sokuqala sokululama ukwazi ukuthi unenkinga. Ukuqaphela lokho kungase kungenzi uzizwe kahle kakhulu, kodwa kumelwe uqale.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokubhekana Nothando Olungabuyiselwa
Izigaba ezi-3 ze-Limerence
Cishe ucabanga ukuthi i-limerence izwakala sengathi ukuchoboza akuhambanga kahle, yini-ke inkinga enkulu? Mhlawumbe ukubheka izigaba ze-limerence kuzokusiza ukukubona kangcono. Kunezigaba ezintathu lapho umuntu ethola ukukhululeka - ukuqala kokuthatheka, ukuphakama kokucwebezela, kanye nesiphetho ngokuwohloka. Kufana negrafu emise okwensimbi.
1. Isiqalo esimnandi nesincane - Ukuthatheka
Ukudlala kwalesi sigaba wukuthi 'Yini ekwenza ube muhle' yi-One Direction. Yilapho umlilo uqala khona ngenhlansi enhliziyweni yakho. Ubona into ehlonishwayo okokuqala futhi ikudonsa amehlo. Izimfanelo zabo ezinhle zikhuliswa enhliziyweni yakho ngokuphindwe kayikhulu njengoba uqhubeka ucabanga ngazo. Amafulegi abomvu ayanyamalala uma ugqoke izibuko ezinombala we-rose.
Sonke siyazi ukuthi ukuba ne-crush kuwumuzwa omuhle kakhulu. I-Dopamine ne-serotonin zenza umlingo wazo ebuchosheni bakho; umhlaba ubukeka njengowomculo onokukhanya kwelanga nothingo lwenkosazana. Ezigabeni zokuqala ze-limerence, nawe uzozizwa sengathi usezulwini lesikhombisa.
2. Ukukhipha kakhulu - Crystallization
Lithini igama engilifunayo? I-Mania. Izimpawu ze-limerence ezimbi kakhulu ziboniswa kulesi sigaba. Ukugxila komunye umuntu kuholela ekuziphatheni okulimazayo; ukubacupha ku-inthanethi, izimpawu zomona ongenampilo ekusebenzelaneni kwabo nabanye, ikusasa elicatshangelwayo eligcwele, nokuphazamiseka okukhulu.
Into yokukhonzwa ibekwa phezu kwesisekelo sokukhulekela; abanamaphutha futhi abakwazi ukwenza okubi. Noma ubani okhuluma ngokumelene nabo uthathwa njengesitha. Umgomo uwukufuna ukugunyazwa kanye nokuqinisekiswa kwezintshisekelo zothando ngazo zonke izindleko. Umuntu wesaba ukwenqatshwa kakhulu futhi ufuna ukugwema ukuba semaphethelweni akho. I-Crystallization idla isikhathi futhi ihlasela ingqondo - noma yikuphi ukuqagela kokuthi kungani ukukhululeka nokuzisola kuhambisana?
3. Izimpawu zokuphela kwe-limerence - Ukuwohloka
Ukukhohlisa kuyaphela bese kulandela ukudumala. Kulesi sigaba, uthando luyaphela amandla phezu kwengqondo bese luba ngumuntu ofayo futhi. Njengoba ukungabi nandaba kunyamalala, umuntu ubhekana nokukhungatheka okukhulu, usizi, nokunganeliseki. Ngemva kokuhlala ecabanga ngomuntu isikhathi eside kangaka, ukubuyela ngokuzumayo eqinisweni kumenza angabi nasiqondiso. Kufanele banqobe umuntu abangazange bathandane naye.
Ukuzizwa uluhlaza kulindelekile ngesikhathi sokuwohloka. Kodwa lesi sigaba silindelwe kakhulu futhi sinenzuzo ekubukeni okukhulu kwezinto. Uma usudlule kukho, ukuphulukiswa kungaqala ekugcineni njengoba uqala kabusha ukugxila kuwe.
UDkt. Bhonsle ukhuluma ngomphumela olimazayo walezi zigaba ze-limere, "Noma yini ehlangothini olulodwa ihlale iyingozi ngoba ikwenza ulahlekelwe ukuxhumana neqiniso eliyisisekelo. I-Limerence ayinakusimamisa ngokwedlulele. Ayihlobene nothando ngayo yonke indlela okungacatshangwa ngayo. Uthando luhlala lubuyiselana, kuyilapho ukukhululeka akwenzeki."
I-Limerence Uthando Olunobuthi Emvelweni - Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Ezisho Ngakho
UNorman Mailer wabhala, “I-Obsession iwumsebenzi womuntu owodwa omosha kakhulu ngoba ngokuthatheka ulokhu ubuya futhi ubuyela embuzweni ofanayo futhi awusoze wathola impendulo. Ngibheja ukuthi uyavumelana naye ngemuva kokubona izigaba ze-limerence. Kodwa ngingumuntu ohlelekile othanda nje uhlu. Abashiyi indawo yokungacaci. Ngakho yilokho kanye okuzayo ngokulandelayo.
Sekuyisikhathi sokuhlola izimpawu eziyi-7 ezifakazela ubuthi be-limerence. Sithemba ukuthi ukuzazi kuzokuqondisa ekuziphatheni okunjalo kokuzibhubhisa lapha.
1. Ngubani inombolo 1?
Hhayi wena, ngokuqinisekile. Enye yezingqinamba zokuqala ze-limerence yindlela eshintsha ngayo izinto eziza kuqala kuwe. UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Lapho ubeka umuntu esicathulweni, uvele uzibeke eqhulwini. Bathatha indawo yokuqala engqondweni yakho njengoba inhlalakahle yakho ithatha indawo engemuva. Futhi noma yini ekwenza ulahlekelwe umbono wakho akusoze kwaba nempilo. Kumelwe siziqaphele - wonke umuntu wenza okufanayo.”
Ukungabi nandaba kubangela umuntu ukuba azilimaze ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba. Uma omunye umuntu eba obaluleke kakhulu, izindleko zamathuba zinkulu kakhulu. Ezinye izindawo zokuphila azinakwa; izifiso zakho, izidingo zakho, imizwa yakho, kanye nezifiso zakho ziyawa ngenxa yemicabango ekhathazayo ehlala engqondweni yakho. Uyakhohlwa ukuthi uzithanda kanjani.
Kubheke ngale ndlela - ubeka into ye-limerent (lena oyithandayo) kuqala. I-limerent into izibeka phambili futhi ngoba abazizwa ngendlela efanayo ngawe. Kulesi sithombe, inhlalakahle yakho ingena kuphi?
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kusho Ukuthini Uma Umuntu Engakunaki?
2. Umthwalo owengeziwe (ongokomzwelo).
I-Limerence iyinkomba yezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe esikhathini esidlule. Ukuziphatha okungenampilo kuthola izimpande kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kanye/noma eminyakeni yokukhula. Sakheka uchungechunge lwezigameko nezinqubo ezisithinta kabi. Akukho 'okwenzekayo.'
UDkt. Bhonsle ukubeka ngamafuphi, “I-Limerence iwuhlobo lokuduka, futhi noma ikuphi ukukhohlisa kunikeza ukwakheka nomuzwa wemfudumalo ekuphileni komuntu. Kungase kube nezizathu ezimbili okungenzeka zabangela lokhu: ukungasebenzi kahle kobuntwana kanye nokuguquguquka komndeni noma okulindelwe okungenangqondo ebuhlotsheni. Kokubili kuyindaba exoxwayo yokuthi udinga usizo. Ubuhlobo obunempilo bukhiwa umuntu ngamunye.”
Mhlawumbe uke wabona abazali bakho bedlula esidivosini esibi usengumntwana. Noma mhlawumbe umndeni wakho wawunobuthi noma uhlukumeza. Mhlawumbe owayekade uthandana naye wayeyisidakamizwa noma eyisidakwa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uvele kusiphi isimo esibuhlungu, uthwele umthwalo omningi wemizwa. Yilokhu okukulethele izimpawu zokungakhululeki.
3. Umhlaba, ubani?
Njengophaphe oluntanta phakathi komoya, ushaywe umoya opholile wothando olungaqondakali kahle. Umunye namafu - ukude, kude nezinkinga zomhlaba. Lowo omthandayo nguye kuphela ongambona… Yonke into ilula futhi inomoya… Yeka indlela enhle… Ngivumele ngikubuyisele phansi ngobumnene.
Uma sikhuluma nge-limerence vs uthando, isici esihlukanisayo sivela khona manjalo. I-Limerence iveza izici ezimbi kakhulu kubantu. Bashintshashintshashintshashintshashintshashintshashintshashintshayo,bahlanya,bathathekile,bayalawule,baphelelwe yithemba (konke ngesikhathi esisodwa). Njengoba benqanyuliwe kakhulu emhlabeni, babeka engcupheni imisebenzi yabo kanye nempilo yabo siqu ngokwezinga elikhulu. Kodwa uthando...uthando olumnandi luveza okuhle kakhulu kubantu.
Abantu abathandana kakhulu nothile bangabantu abangcono kakhulu kubo. Bazizwa benokuzethemba okukhulu, babika amazinga aphezulu enjabulo nokwaneliseka, futhi bashukumiseleka kakhulu emisebenzini yabo. Ukukhululeka kukwenza ulahlekelwe ukwazi okwenzekayo emhlabeni. Noma kunjalo, ucabanga ukuthi akunabungozi?
4. Ukulahlekelwa ukulawula
Ngisho, ukulahlekelwa ukuzithiba. Uma uvumela umuntu ukuthi athathe isikhala esiningi sengqondo, udlulisela amandla amaningi. Into ebalulekile inethonya phezu kwemizwa yakho nesimo sakho somzwelo; kukhona ubudlelwano obuqondile phakathi kwezenzo zakhe nesimo sakho. Lokhu kuvela esidingweni esikabili - ukufuna imvume yakhe nokugwema ukwenqatshwa kwakhe. Kodwa indlela engcono kakhulu yokusingatha ukwenqatshwa ukubhekana nakho.
UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa kunamandla kakhulu, futhi ngingangeza, kunamandla ngokungadingekile. Ukwenqatshwa kuyiqiniso elikhona emhlabeni wonke, akuyona into okufanele icatshangelwe wena mathupha. Kusho nje ukuthi ubungeyona ingxenye yohlelo lothile lwangempela. Awukwazi ukungena kuyo yonke indawo futhi lokho kulungile. Ngeshwa, ukuphika kungakhulisa lokhu kwesaba.” Noma ikuphi ukwenqaba kungaletha lokhu kwesaba.
Isibonelo, uphonsa umbhalo entweni yakho e-limerent, ubamema ephathini. Bamatasa ngokuthile futhi baphendule ngemva kwamahora ambalwa. Ukuthatha lokhu njengokungabi nasithakazelo esiphethweni sabo, ucwila obishini olusheshayo lokudabuka nokulula nokuzisola.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ngingaqhubeka Kanjani Nothando Oluvela Eceleni Elilodwa? Uchwepheshe Wethu Ukutshela…
5. Vumela imidlalo yengqondo iqale - Izimpawu zokungabi nalutho
Abantu ababhekana nobukhulu besimo bangenza konke okusemandleni abo ngenxa 'yothando'. Ukukhohlisa, ukugxeka abanye, ukungakhulumi , ukukhubeka ngecala , ukusongela abanye, kanye nokusola abanye kuyizibonelo ezimbalwa (kweziningi). Futhi nansi ingxenye eyesabekayo - into engavamile ingase ingazi nhlobo ngemidlalo edlalwa engqondweni yomuntu.
Njengoba i-limerence iholela ebudlelwaneni obungamanga emqondweni womuntu, bathatha ukubandakanyeka kwento eyi-limerent ngisho nalapho kungekho. Yibo kuphela abakhona ekuxhumaneni okucatshangelwayo. Lapho izinto ziphuma esandleni ngempela, ukuziphatha kuba yingozi kakhulu futhi kuguquguquke.
UDkt. Bhonsle uveza amathuba ayingozi angaphambili, “Okubi kakhulu, ukungakhululeki kungaholela ekulandeleni okuphelele nokuhlukumeza. Lokhu kuba nomthelela omubi nakuyona into ethandwayo. Kodwa ngokomuntu siqu, umuntu ongakwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwemizwa angaba nenkinga yokuphazamiseka kwemizwa. Imiphumela engokwengqondo iyamlimaza umuntu okukhulunywa ngaye.”
6. I-Myopia in your-opia
Njengoba sike sachaza ngaphambili, i-limerence ikwenza ubuke omunye umuntu njengongenaphutha. Uba yizimpumputhe ekushiyekeni kwabo ngenxa yombono wakho omncane. Uma into eyisihluku kungumuntu onobuthi - isiqhwaga, obandlulula ngobulili, umuntu ocwasa ngokwebala, noma umhlukumezi - ungagcina uphathwa kabi yibo. Futhi nalokhu kuzolungiswa (futhi kwenziwe kube nothando) ngengqondo yakho. Awukwazi ukuchaza i-limerence ngaphandle kwegama elithi 'okungenangqondo.'
Uzolahlekelwa ikhono lokuzimela ezimweni ezithile. Ukuzimela kukubeka esimweni esibucayi kakhulu ngoba uvumela abantu baphule noma yimiphi imingcele yemizwa . Akudingeki ukusho ukuthi, uvumela into engavamile ihambe phezu kwakho. Njengoba uMahatma Gandhi asho ngokuhlakanipha, “Angikwazi ukucabanga ngokulahlekelwa okukhulu kunokulahlekelwa ukuzihlonipha komuntu.”
Yilapho futhi uthando lwehluka ngokugxumagxuma. Ubudlelwano bothando busho ukuthatha umbono oqondile ngomlingani wakho futhi ukumamukele namaphutha akhe. Ku-Limerence vs uthando, lokhu kwakamuva kuhlale kuhambisana nenhlonipho nokukhula.
7. Imiphumela emibi
Nakuba ukuthatheka nokucwebezela kujabulisa ngokwemvelo, isigaba sokugcina se-limerence sibi kakhulu. Ngesinye isikhathi noma esinye, umuntu uyaqaphela ukuthi into yabo ehloniphekile ayiwufanele umdlalo. Kodwa lokhu kuqaphela akuveli ngenxa yesizungu sakho - uthola izipho zebhonasi zentukuthelo, ukukhungatheka, ukuzisola, nosizi.
Ukuzilungisa kabusha kulesi simo kungathatha isikhashana kumuntu. Baqala ukushaya phansi ngolunye uhlobo izimpawu zokuthi limerence ziyaphela. Kulokhu, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kuyinkambo engcono kakhulu yokwenza. UDkt. Bhonsle uyalinganisela, “Xhumana nomeluleki noma umelaphi ukuze uthole ukuhlolwa okungaqondile kokuthi umi kuphi. Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, udokotela wengqondo naye angaba yisinqumo esihle. Vuma iqiniso lokuthi ngeke ube ngcono uwedwa.”
Abantu abaningi baphume ezimweni ezinzima zemizwa ngosizo lochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo. Ungacela usizo kochwepheshe bezokwelapha abanelayisensi kanye nabeluleki kuphaneli yeBonobology ukuze bahlaziye isimo sakho kangcono. Ukwelapha kulula kakhulu.
Lapha sifika ekugcineni kwalo mhlahlandlela ophelele mayelana ne-limerence. Ngomusa kaNkulunkulu nengqondo ethile enhle, ngeke uwele kulolu gibe. Uyazi ukuthi yini okulindelwe? Ukuxhumana kwangempela nomuntu omthanda ngokweqiniso. Iyeza ngendlela yakho, vele uyilinde. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, sebenzisa ingqondo nobuhlakani. Ngikufisela okuhle kakhulu - ukuvalelisa futhi ulale!
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Angiqiniseki ukuthi igama elithi 'triggers' liyigama elifanele yini. Ukuqala kwe-limerence kungatholakala ebuntwaneni bomuntu onezinkinga zomndeni noma abazali abahlukumezayo. Ngokufanayo, ubudlelwano bangaphambilini bungase buthinte indlela yakhe yokuthandana kanye nendlela yokuthandana engaxazululwanga. I-limerence ihlala ivela ezinkingeni ezingaxazululwanga, umthwalo wemizwa , kanye/noma ukuhlukumezeka okungakaxazululwa.
NgokukaDorothy Tennov, owaqamba leli gama, i-limerence ingahlala phakathi kwezinyanga eziyi-18 kuya kwemi-3. Ihluke ngokushuba kwemizwa yomuntu. Uma ukukhangana kuba okufanayo ekugcineni, imizwa iba namandla.
Lo mbuzo ophikisiwe kakhulu awutholanga ukuvumelana nochwepheshe. Abanye bathi yebo, abanye bathi cha. Kodwa ucwaningo lukaTennov lubonakala luphakamisa ukuthi ubudlelwano be-limerent abuzinzile futhi abunampilo.
I-Crush Ihlala Isikhathi Esingakanani Nezindlela Eziyi-11 Zokudlula Kuyo
Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokubhekana Nokuthi 'Ngiyakuthanda' Futhi Ungakuzwa
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
