Indlela Yokubhekana Nokwenqatshwa Ku-Crush: Izinyathelo Eziyi-11 Zokuqhubeka

Ukwenqatshwa kungenye yezinto ezingagwemeki ekuphileni, ikakhulukazi uma kuziwa ezithakazelweni zothando. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umunyu wokuphuthelwa yithuba nothile okhethekile noma ubuhlungu benhliziyo obulandela ukuvuma izono okungaphumelelanga, ukweqa ukwenqatshwa kungaba nzima ngendlela emangalisayo. Kodwa ukuqonda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa kokuchotshozwa kungakusiza ukuthi ungapholi nje kuphela kodwa futhi ukhule uqine kusukela kokuhlangenwe nakho. Ngakho, uma uzibuza, “Kungani ukwenqatshwa kubuhlungu kangaka?”—awuwedwa. Ake sicwilise ku-roller coaster futhi sihlole izindlela ezisebenzayo zokubhekana nokulimala.

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Ukwenqatshwa akugcini nje ngokulimaza ukuziqhenya kwakho; kubangela impendulo yangempela ebuchosheni bakho efana nobuhlungu obungokomzimba. Izifundo zikhombisile ukuthi ukwenqatshwa kuvuselela izindlela ezifanayo zemizwa ezihlotshaniswa nobuhlungu obungokomzimba, okuchaza ukuthi kungani kuzwakala sengathi inhliziyo yakho ibuhlungu ngempela. Umuzwa wokwenqatshwa ngothando awugcini nje ngokudabuka—kungukungakhululeki kwangempela ngokomzimba okuhlala isikhathi eside.

UDkt. Batra uyasitshela, “Le ndlela yokusabela ihlobene nesidingo sethu sokuziphendukela kwemvelo sokuba ngowabantu. Abantu bayizidalwa zomphakathi, futhi ukwamukelwa ontanga bekulokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ukuze siphile. Ngakho, kungokwemvelo ukuzwa isisindo sokwaliwa njengokungaphezu nje kokudumazeka ngokomzwelo. Ubuchopho buyashayeka ngokweqile, buzama ukuthola ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle, okuholela ekuhlaziyeni ngokweqile yonke imininingwane yomunye umuntu ongayishintsha lapha. imizwa, futhi ukwaliwa kumane kuyingxenye yokuphila.”

U-Tiffany, umbhaki oneminyaka engu-24 ubudala, wabelane nathi ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. “Ngangisekolishi ngesikhathi nginqatshwa uthando lwami. Njengoba impilo yami yothando yayingenzeki kangako ngaphambi kwalokho, ngangingazi ukuthi ngingabhekana kanjani nokulahlwa umfana futhi ngichitha ubusuku obuningi ngikhala. Ekugcineni, ngabatshela abangane bami futhi bangisiza ukuba ngibhekane nesimo.

Ukuqonda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa yindoda noma ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa ntombazane kubalulekile, ikakhulukazi uma kukuvimbela ekubeni ungaqiniseki. Nakuba ingqondo yakho ingase ikuqinisekise ukuthi awusoze walulama, lokho kumane kungubuchopho bakho obusabela engozini engokomzwelo. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ngengqondo efanele, ungabhekana nokwenqatshwa ngendlela enempilo futhi uqhubeke.

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Indlela Yokubhekana Nokwenqatshwa Ukuchotshozwa—Izinyathelo Eziyi-11

Uma wenqatshwe uthando, indlela eya ekwelapheni ingaba nzima. Kodwa ukufunda indlela yokubhekana nokwenqatshwa uthando kuyinqubo ende, eza nezinyathelo ezingenzeka. Lawa maqhinga ayi-11 aklanyelwe ukukuqondisa emizweni enzima futhi akusize ubuyele esimweni sakho uqine kunangaphambili.

1. Yamukela iqiniso

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuphulukiswa ukwamukela. Kunzima ukuzwa, kodwa umuntu omcindezelayo ngeke ashintshe umqondo wakhe ngoba nje ufuna ukuba enze kanjalo.” Noma nini lapho ucabanga ukuthi, “Ngalahlwa ngumuntu engimthandayo”, kukhona umuzwa wokuqhubeka uzama. Mhlawumbe uma uqhubeka umthumelela imiyalezo kabili noma “ngengozi” uhlangana naye, naye uzokuthanda. Lolu hlobo lokucabanga lwenza ubuhlungu buqhubeke. Qaphela ukuthi ukwenqatshwa kuyinto yokugcina, futhi nakuba kubuhlungu, kuyingxenye yohambo lwempilo olungabikezeleki.

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2. Ungazithatheli ngokwakho

Ukwenqatshwa akubonisi ukubaluleka kwakho. Ukuqonda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa yintombazane noma ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa yisoka kusho ukuqaphela ukuthi kuvame ukuba ngezintandokazi zabo, hhayi ukubaluleka kwakho njengomuntu. Ukuthi nje abazange bakubheke njengomlingani ongaba khona akusho ukuthi awusabambeki. Ukufaka ukwenqatshwa ngaphakathi kuholela ekuzithobeni okuphansi . Esikhundleni salokho, khumbula ukuthi ukukhanga kuyinto ethinta ingqondo yakho, futhi akuwona wonke umuntu ozobona izimfanelo zakho ezihlukile.

3. Likhale kakhulu

Imizwa idinga ukukhululwa, futhi ngezinye izikhathi, icebiso elihle kakhulu lokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa okuvela ekuthandweni ukuzivumela ukuba uzizwe. UDkt. Batra uyachaza, “Ukukhala akulona uphawu lobuthakathaka kodwa kuyindlela yokukhulula imizwa evalelwe ukuze uvimbele ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo . Ukubhekana nokwenqatshwa kuba lula uma uzivumela ukuba ukhale ngokulahlekelwa yilokho obekungaba yikho.” Kodwa-ke, qaphela ukuthi ungahlali kuleso sikhala semizwa isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ngemva kokukhala okuhle, zikhumbuze ukuthi lokhu kuyingxenye eyodwa yohambo lwakho nokuthi izinsuku ezikhanyayo ziseza.

4. Gwema ukuhlaziya ngokweqile

Lapho i-crush yakho ikwenqaba, ungase uchithe amahora uhlukanisa konke ukusebenzisana: 

• Ingabe kwakuyingubo yami? 
• Ngabe kukhona okubi engikushilo? 
• Ingabe angikhangi?

Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukungabaza izehlakalo eziholela ekwenqatshweni, ukuhlaziya ngokweqile kungaholela ekulimaleni okukhulu kunokuhle. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuzindla ngezehlakalo ezimbi kwandisa ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo. Esikhundleni salokho, zijwayeze ukuqaphela. Gxila esikhathini samanje futhi ulwe nesifiso sokuphinda yonke imininingwane. Khumbula, akuzona zonke izinto ezilawulwa nguwe.

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5. Hlala umatasa

Enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokusingatha ubuhlungu bokwenqatshwa ukuzigcina umatasa. Ungalandeli izinkundla zabo zokuxhumana — lokhu kuzokugcina ubambekile. Esikhundleni salokho, uma ucabanga ukuthi ungakwamukela kanjani ukwenqatshwa, cabanga ngakho njengethuba lokuqondisa amandla akho ekukhuleni komuntu siqu. Gxila ezintweni ozithandayo noma emisebenzini oyithandayo. Ungakwazi:

• Thatha ikhono elisha
• Shaya ijimu
• Thatha isifundo sokuthuthukisa ubuntu
• Sebenza ngamakhono akho okuxhumana nabantu

6. Ncika kubangane

Abangani bakho bayindlela yakho yokuphepha ngokomzwelo, ikakhulukazi uma uphansi. Ngesinye isikhathi, ngisesikoleni, ngaqala ukuthanda umfana, mhlawumbe okokuqala empilweni yami. Ngeshwa, umuntu engimthandayo wangilahla kanye futhi ngadumala - uyazi ukuthi kuba njani uma usemusha. Kodwa abangani bami babelapho ngenxa yami futhi kwenza izinto zaba lula kakhulu. Bangikhumbuza ukuthi ngisabalulekile, noma ngabe izinto azihambanga kahle. Izifundo zibonisa ukuthi ukwesekwa komphakathi kubalulekile ekululameni ngokomzwelo ngemva kokwenqatshwa. Batshele, wabelane ngemizwa yakho, futhi ubavumele bakusize uthole amahlaya kulesi simo.

7. Khulisa ukuzethemba kwakho

Ukwenqatshwa kungehlisa isithunzi sakho okwesikhashana. Kodwa esikhundleni sokugxila kokuthi “cha,” gxila kulokho okukwenza uzizwe uqiniseka. Indlela yokubhekana nokwenqatshwa ku-crush kuhilela ukuphinde uthole lowo muzwa wokuzicabangela wena. Kungabukeka kanje:

• Uzigqokisela wena
• Ukushaya ijimu
• Izama isitayela esisha sezinwele

Umgomo uwukuzikhumbuza amandla akho. Uma ukuzethemba kwakho sekuphelele, uzobona ukuthi ukunqoba ukwenqatshwa kumane nje kuyisinyathelo esiholela ekuthuthukeni kwakho.

8. Ziqhelelanise nawe

Izikhumbuzo ezihlala njalo zomuntu okulahlile zizobambezela ukuphulukiswa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi waliwe umfana noma intombazane, ibanga liyadingeka ukuze ululame. Lokhu kungase kusho:

• Ukuhlukana nabo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Ukuthulisa imiyalezo yabo
• Ebavimba
• Ukugwema ama-Hangouts afanayo

Kulesi sigaba, isikhala singumngane wakho. Kunzima, kodwa kuyadingeka ukuqhubeka ngempela. Ngokuziqhelelanisa nawe, unikeza imizwa yakho isikhathi sokusetha kabusha futhi ugweme isilingo sokuzama ukuvuselela ilangabi.

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9. Shintsha ukugxila kwakho

Uma uthola ukuthi ungakwamukela kanjani ukwenqatshwa, kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthukuthela, kodwa ukuqondisa kabusha ukugxila kwakho kungasheshisa ukuphulukiswa. Kuvume kanye, “Engikuthandayo unqabile kodwa mina ngisamthanda,” bese ugxilisa ingqondo yakho emigomweni emisha engahlobene nezothando. Lokhu kungasho ukuthi: 

• Ukuphishekela intuthuko yomuntu siqu
• Amangqopha-mlando emisebenzi
• Ukugxila ebunganini

Ngokushintsha ukunaka kwakho, uzikhumbuza ukuthi ukubaluleka kwempilo yakho akuxhomekile ekwamukelweni ngumuntu oyedwa futhi kukusiza ukuthi uyeke ukufuna ubuhlobo naye.

10. Ihleke

UDkt. Batra uthi, “Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwenqatshwa kuya ngokuya kuba buhlungu futhi kube yindaba ehlekisayo. Uma ucabanga ngale nkumbulo kamuva, ungase uhleke ngisho nokungakhululeki kwakho konke.” Amahlaya asiza ekuhleleni kabusha isimo ngendlela elula nengajulile, ekuvumela ukuthi uhlukanise ngokomzwelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umbhalo ongathandeki noma isinyathelo sokuqala esifaneleka , ukwamukela amahlaya ngokwenqatshwa kungashintsha inkumbulo ebuhlungu ibe yinto engasabisa kakhulu.

11. Qhubekela phambili

Ekugcineni, isinyathelo esibaluleke kakhulu ukuyeka . Ukwenqatshwa akusona ukuphela kwempilo yakho yothando—kuyisahluko esisodwa nje. Kuzofika umuntu omusha, futhi uma kwenzeka, lokhu kuzozwakala njengenkumbulo ekude. Ukwenqatshwa, ikakhulukazi lokho okuvela ekuthandweni, kumane kuyizifundo zokuphila ezifihliwe. Ukufunda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa ekugcineni kukwenza ube namandla futhi kukulungiselele ikusasa lapho uzobheka khona emuva kulezi zikhathi ngenjabulo.

Imicabango Final

Ekugcineni, ukubhekana nokwenqatshwa kuyinqubo yokufunda ehambisana nokuphakama nokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufunda indlela yokusingatha ukwenqatshwa komfana noma indlela yokusingatha ukwenqatshwa yintombazane, khumbula ukuthi ukwenqatshwa akusona isithiyo esibuyisela emuva unomphela. Kuyingxenye yemvelo yempilo, enikeza ukukhula kanye nokuzitholela wena. Isinyathelo ngasinye sokululama siyisinyathelo esiya enguqulweni yakho enamandla, ekwazi ukumelana nokuqina.

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