Uke wabhekana nalezi zimo lapho umuntu ekubuza ukuthi uqomile yini, uthi yebo, kodwa ngemva kwenyanga omunye ekubuza ukuthi uzimisele ngothile yini, usuke ungaqiniseki ukuthi uzothini? Uma ukholelwa ukuthi lokho kwenzeka kuwe kaningi, kusho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuzophinda-phinde buvele.
Ungacabanga ukuthi ubuhlobo obunjalo buba yi-roller coaster. Abagcini nje ngokukwenza ubuze ukucabanga kwakho kanye nomzwelo wemvelo, kodwa futhi bafakazela ubungozi enhlalakahleni yakho iyonke. Ukuzinza kwakho kuthinteka kakhulu, futhi awuzizwa uphephile ngokomqondo ebudlelwaneni njengoba ulokhu uzibuza ukuthi impi elandelayo noma ukuhlukana kuyokwenzeka nini.
Bese kuba khona ukudangala nokulangazelela ukubuyelana nakuba kucacela wonke umuntu ngaphandle kwakho ukuthi akuphumeleli. Kobunye ubudlelwano obukhona-ke futhi, imibhangqwana iyakwazi ukubona ukukhanya futhi isebenze ezindabeni zabo ngokuthula nandawonye. Kodwa ezinye ziyizindlela zokupheka zenhlekelele, futhi zithatha okungaphezu kwalokho abakunikezayo.
Bunjani Ubudlelwano Obukhona Futhi-Off-Futhi Bunjani?
Okuqukethwe
Lapho abantu ababili beqala ukuphuma, bachofoza kahle futhi bangene ebuhlotsheni. Noma abakwenzi. Futhi, ezimweni eziningi, umbhangqwana uyahlukana ekugcineni lapho inhlansi ifa. Zonke lezi zimo zivamile. Kodwa-ke, lapho umbhangqwana uhlangana ndawonye, uhlukana ngenxa yezinkinga ezithile, ubuyelane futhi lapho inhlansi inamandla, bese behlukana futhi, yilokho okubukeka kobudlelwane obukhona futhi.
Ngokwezibalo, cishe u-60% wabantu abadala abasha bahlangabezana okungenani nobudlelwane obubodwa bokuphinda basuke. Le phethini ingaba yingozi kakhulu futhi icindezele. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ake sithathe isibonelo sika-Jessica Biel, umlingisi-imodeli, kanye no-Justin Timberlake, umculi-umbhali wezingoma. Bahlukana ngoMashi 2011 kodwa bashada ngo-2012 futhi bahlala ndawonye kusukela ngaleso sikhathi.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Wangishiya Ngenxa Yenye Intombazane Futhi Manje Ufuna Ngibuye
Ngemva kokuhlukana kwabo, uTimberlake, engxoxweni, wabiza uBiel ngokuthi “umuntu obaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni kwami.” Wanezela, “Eminyakeni yami engu-30, ungumuntu obaluleke kakhulu, kulungile? Kuyigugu kangakanani. Uthando lwabo lwanqoba kulobu budlelwano obukhona futhi, futhi asikwazanga ukubajabulela kakhulu.
Yini Edala Ubudlelwano Obukhona Futhi-Off-Futhi?
Sifuna abalingani bethu basinikeze konke, babe yikho konke, futhi bafeze zonke izidingo zethu. Lokhu akunangqondo, futhi ngesinye isikhathi kungesinye sezizathu zobudlelwano obukhona-futhi-obukhona. Ngokusobala, umuntu oyedwa akakwazi ukuba yibhange lakho siqu mayelana nezinto ozifunayo, izifiso, namaphupho angagcwaliseki. Kufanele udedele ezinye izinto futhi ukhumbule ukuthi lo muntu akagcini nje ngokuba umlingani wakho, kodwa futhi ube ngumuntu wakhe ngamunye.
Futhi, kunezikhathi lapho abantu ababili bephelele komunye nomunye ngokocansi kodwa banesikhathi esinzima kakhulu sokugcina ukuthula kwezinye izindawo zobudlelwane babo. Abakwazi ukucabanga ukuthi balahlekelwe okuthile okuthakazelisa kangaka, ngakho babuyela ndawonye ngemva kokuhlukana ngakunye, njengoba kungase kungabi nempilo. Akumnyama kodwa. Sikuphathele izindaba ezingcono kakhulu zobudlelwano obukhona-futhi-ukhona futhi ezivela emhlabeni wosaziwayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Umngane Wami Omkhulu Ungumngane Wami Womphefumulo
"Uma into oyithandayo yiyeke, uma ibuya...?" - UJoJo Siwa, ngoMeyi 2022, wabhala lokhu ngaphansi kwesithombe sothando noKylie Prew ku-Instagram, futhi wasithumela sonke odabeni. USiwa noPrew babuyelane ezinyangeni ezingu-7 ngemva kokuhlukana kwabo! Ngemva kwesikhathi esingangonyaka bendawonye, uSiwa noPrew bahlukana ngo-November 2021. Phakathi nalesi sigaba, bahlala “bengabangane abakhulu” futhi njengoba uSiwa akubeka, “babezothatha inhlamvu” bodwa.
Ubuye wengeza ngokuthi, “Nginenhlanhla ngempela ngokuthi angizange ngimlahle ngokuphelele ngoba uyazi, nakuba ubuhlobo buphela, ubungane akudingekile ukuba buphele.” Sijabula kakhulu lo mbhangqwana omuhle, osinikeza imigomo yobungane kanye nemigomo yobudlelwano, usubuyile ndawonye. Isisekelo esiqinile sobungani ngokuqinisekile sisiza imibhangqwana ukuthi ilawule ubudlelwano obukhona noma-futhi.
Kukhona izikhathi lapho kungasebenzi khona, futhi KUFANELE nihlukane - unomphela. Uma umthanda ngokweqiniso othile, akulula ukumyeka. Ukunqamula izibopho kuba nzima nakakhulu uma oyedwa noma bobabili abantu abathandanayo bengajabule kodwa nabo bengakakulungeli ukuqhubeka. Kunezizathu ezehlukene ezidala ubudlelwano obukhona-futhi-futhi. Nazi ezinye zazo:
1. Ukungakwazi ukulinganisa ubuhlobo nempilo
Ukuhamba ngempilo kunzima. Umuntu kufanele anakekele izinto eziningi ezingamsusa othandweni lwakhe lothando. Esimweni esinjalo, umuntu angase angakwazi ukugxila ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho bayahlukana kodwa babuyelane nomlingani wabo lapho impilo iba lula.
Lokhu kwenzeke nezithandani ezingosaziwayo. Ubhubhane lwalungisa ubudlelwano phakathi kwabo! U-Ben Stiller, umlingisi-umdidiyeli-umqondisi, noChristine Taylor, umlingisi, bashade iminyaka engu-17. Bahlukana ngo-2017 kodwa bahlala nomndeni ngenxa yezingane zabo. Khona-ke, okwamangaza wonke umuntu, u-Stiller wamemezela lokhu ngoFebhuwari 2022: "Sahlukana futhi sabuyelana futhi siyajabula ngalokho. Kube kuhle kakhulu kithi sonke. Besingalindelekile, futhi enye yezinto eziphume kulolu bhubhane." Impela babazi ukuthi babulawula kanjani ubudlelwano obukhona noboshiwe.
Ngakho, kulokhu, ucabangani? Ingabe ubudlelwano obukhona-ke futhi bunempilo? Sicabanga ukuthi kubo, kunjalo. Bathatha ikhefu ngenxa yezinkinga zabo, abakaze balimaze isithunzi somunye emphakathini, bahlale bemile kwelokuthi bawumndeni kuqala, futhi uma kufika isikhathi sokuphulukisa nokuba ndawonye, bakwenza ngomusa futhi. Ebudlelwaneni babo obukhona-ke futhi, babenozwelo nozwelo komunye nomunye indlela yonke.
2. Ukungahambisani
Imibhangqwana ethile inamakhemikhali aqinile phakathi kwayo. Bazizwa sengathi bayaxhuma, kodwa abakwazi ukuvumelana nganoma yini. Izingxoxo zabo eziningi ziphenduka izingxabano. Kodwa-ke, baqhubeka bebuyela emuva ngenxa ye-chemistry engenakuphikwa.
Kodwa ungazi kanjani ukuthi ubudlelwano obuphakathi nokuphela buphelile? Thatha isibonelo sobudlelwano phakathi komculi nombhali wezingoma uMiley Cyrus nomlingisi uLiam Hemsworth. Ukuguquguquka kwabo ngokuyisisekelo kufingqa incazelo yobudlelwano obuphakathi nokuphela. Yiyona kanye incazelo yesibopho esingazinzile esaphenduka ubudlelwano obungenampilo kubo bobabili. Ake sichaze kabanzi.
Baqala ukuthandana ngo-2010, bahlukana kabili ngonyaka owodwa kodwa babuyelana njalo, bathembisana umshado ngo-2012, bahlukana ngo-2013, bahlala "abangane abakhulu", bashada ngo-2016 futhi, bashada ngo-2018, bagcina behlukanisile ngo-2019.
NgoMashi 2022, ngesikhathi kunomdlalo, uKoresi waletha izithandani ezithandanayo esiteji ukuze zicele isiphakamiso sazo wathi kuzo, “S’thandwa, ngithemba ukuthi umshado wakho uzoba ngcono kunowami…owami ube yinhlekelele enkulu.” Eyabo ngempela kwakuyindaba yakudala yobudlelwano obuhlala njalo noboshiwe iminyaka.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uma Uyazi ukuthi Sekuyisikhathi Sokuhlukana
Kulapho ulandelana ngokungaboni ngaso linye ezinkingeni onazo, nalapho usuhlole ngayo yonke indlela ukuze 'ulungise' izinkinga zakho kodwa ube nephutha ngaso sonke isikhathi - ukuze ubuyele emaphethini okunganaki, ukucasuka, ukulwa, noma ukuthula. Yileyo ndlela yokwazi lapho ubudlelwano bokuphuma nokuvala buphelile.
3. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana
Izinkinga eziningi ebudlelwaneni ziqala ngokuntuleka kokuxhumana . Yilokho kanye okwenzekayo nangobudlelwano obuhlala bukhona futhi. Ukuhlukana kubonakala kuyindlela elula kuze kube yilapho umbhangqwana ungakwazi ukuhlala kude, bese ubuyelana kaninginingi. Lokhu kungaholela ebudlelwaneni obuhlala bukhona iminyaka eminingi.
Kodwa okushodayo, futhi okuhlala kulahlekile, ukuthi abazifundanga izitayela zokuxhumana ezisebenzelana zodwa. Abakafundi ukuthi iyiphi indlela engcono kakhulu yokuxoxa ngezihloko ezicasulayo, ezicindezelayo noma ezivusa amadlingozi. Ngakho-ke, bayaqhubeka nokucasulana, noma ukudabukisana, kuyilapho beqhubeka nokuxolisa nokulungisa.
Laba bantu kungadingeka futhi baqonde ukuthi wonke umuntu unolimi lwakhe lothando kanye nolimi lokuxolisa nokuthi kudingeka bafunde ukuthi uyini umlingani wabo ukuze baxhumane kahle.
4. Umlando omude
Umbhangqwana kungenzeka ube ndawonye isikhathi eside ngempela, futhi awufisi ukuhlukana ngenxa yokutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo. Nokho, abazizwa bethanda ukuba ndawonye. Lokhu kudideka kuholela emjikelezweni wobudlelwano obungahlali noboshiwe obungathatha iminyaka.
Imibhangqwana enjalo, enomlando omude, ongokomzwelo, noyinkimbinkimbi ndawonye, iyakuchitha ukuba khona kwezingxabano kwezinye izici zokuphila kwayo. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abasakwazi ukucabanga ukuphila ngaphandle komunye nomunye. Balokhu behlukana lapho sebesuthi, kodwa abakwazi ukuya kude nezimpande zabo kanye nomndeni, okuwumunye nomunye.
Ngakho-ke, ngokusobala, abafuni ukuyeka into ebaluleke kangaka kodwa futhi abakwazi ukumelana nezinkinga eziqhubekayo. Ngisho nakubo, kubonakala kucishe kungenzeki ukulungisa ubudlelwano bokuphuma nokuvala njengobo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bathatha ziphi izinyathelo. Azihambelani kodwa kunzima ukukwamukela lokho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyisikhombisa Ezibangela Ukuba Owake Wathandana Naye Ashise Futhi Abande - Nokuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nakho
Unganqamula Kanjani Umjikelezo Wobudlelwane Obukhona Futhi-Off-Futhi?
Udlula kanjani ebudlelwaneni obuqala kabusha? Ngendlela efanayo odlula ngayo kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano, kodwa ngokusekelwa okuningi okuvela kubangani mhlawumbe ngisho nochwepheshe wezokwelapha, kanye nokunamathela okuqinile emingceleni kanye nomthetho wokungathintani ongeziwe ukuze kube kuhle. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ubuyela emuva kumjikelezo ofanayo omdala wobudlelwano obuqala kabusha.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kubonakale njengomjikelezo ononya, kodwa kukhona ithuba lokuthi ubuhlobo bakho obuphakathi no-off ukuze uthole impumelelo. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise ukutshalwa kwezimali okwengeziwe mayelana nokuba khona ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo, kodwa konke kuncike kulokho ofuna ukukwenza ngempela. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungawunqamula kanjani umjikelezo wobudlelwano obukhona-futhi-obukhona, qhubeka ufunda!
1. Thola ukucaca kulokho ofuna ukukwenza ngempela
Okokuqala okudingeka ukwenze ukuze unqamule umjikelezo wobudlelwano obuvela emuva naphambili ukuthola umsuka walokhu kungazinzi. Uma wena nomlingani wakho nineminyaka ebudlelwaneni obungekho emthethweni, qondani ukuthi ukubo uthando noma umlando.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ubeka ubudlelwano bakho bokuphinda-suka-futhi ukungahambisani noma ukuntuleka kokuxhumana, udinga ukukwamukela lokho futhi usebenze ebuhlotsheni ngendlela efanele. Konke kuqala ngokuthola ukucaca kulokho ofuna ukukwenza kanye nokuthi uyafuna ngempela yini ukuhlala.
2. Xoxisanani ngezinkinga zenu
Njengezinkinga eziningi zobudlelwano, ubudlelwano bokuphindela emuva bungaba yingozi ngenxa yokuntuleka kokuxhumana. Incazelo yobudlelwano bokuphindela emuva ihilela ukuhamba ngezikhathi lapho bobabili abantu bengazwani. Ngakho-ke, udinga ukubhekana nezinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho , okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu.
Kufanele uhlale phansi umlingani wakho futhi nixoxisane naye ngobuqotho ngalokho okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni benu. Ngokuvamile, ukukhulumisana kuxazulula izinkinga eziningi. Impumelelo yobudlelwano phakathi nokuphuma ingenzeka uma bobabili abathintekayo bekwazi nje ukuhlala phansi baxoxe ngezinkinga kanye nokuthola izixazululo ezingokoqobo kuzo.
3. Qiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho usekhasini elifanayo nelakho
U-Sarah wayesebudlelwaneni obuphinde buvele bukhona no-James, ngakho-ke wanquma ukukhuluma naye futhi aguqule ubuhlobo bakhe bube ngenye yalezo zindaba zempumelelo yobudlelwane phakathi nokuvala. Waqinisekisa uJames ukuthi kwakudingeka bakwenze kusebenze, kodwa ngokushesha waqaphela ukuthi uJames wayengatshaliwe njengaye, futhi baphinde babhajwa ku-on-off loop futhi.
Ungase ube nethemba lokwenza ubudlelwano bakho obuzobuya buphumelele, kanti umlingani wakho angase ancike ekwehlukaneni. Bangase bangakwazi ukukutshela lokho ngokukhululekile. Ukuze wenze ubudlelwano bakho busebenze, udinga ukuqinisekisa ukuthi umlingani wakho ufuna ngempela ubudlelwano benu buphumelele, nokuthi nisekhasini elifanayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulwa Kwamandla Ebudlelwaneni - Indlela Efanele Yokubhekana Nakho
4. Thatha ikhefu, uma kudingeka
Kungase kube nezimo lapho bobabili abantu abasebudlelwaneni befuna ukukwenza kusebenze, kodwa abakwazi ukuthola imbangela yenkinga ngakho-ke abakwazi ukuhlukana nomjikelezo. Uma ungomunye walabo bantu abangazi ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano babo bokuphinde bahlukane buyingozi, khona-ke ungase ufune ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni bese ucabanga ngalezo zinkinga.
5. Yeqa ukuthinta noma ubathumelele umyalezo uma unesizungu
U-Emily no-Pamela bathathe ikhefu ngenxa yokuthi babebambeke obishini lobudlelwano obungaphinde buphele. Nokho, uPamela wayelokhu efonela u-Emily njalo ngemva kwezinsuku ezimbalwa ngoba wayezizwa enesizungu futhi engazi ukuthi angaphila kanjani ngaphandle kwakhe. U-Emily akazange asithole isikhathi ayesidinga ukuze acubungule izindaba zabo, wahlukana noPamela nakuba ayengafuni.
Ingabe uyabuqeda ubudlelwano obukhona-ke futhi? Ungakwenza, kodwa kulukhuni futhi izinkumbulo zakho zihlala isikhathi eside, eside. Ngakho-ke, singakweluleka ngokuqinile ukuthi ungafani noPamela. Uma unqume ukuthatha ikhefu, namathela kukho. Ubudlelwano obuyayo bukhona bunobuthi, awufuni ukubenza bube bubi kakhulu ngokuxova umlingani wakho bese uzithola usuhlukana.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokunqoba Umuntu Ombona Nsuku Zonke Futhi Uthole Ukuthula
6. Khuluma nomuntu omethembayo
Ukuthatha isinqumo esifana nalesi akulula, ikakhulukazi uma nithandana ngemuva naphambili. Ulokhu ubuyela kumlingani wakho ngesizathu futhi ngemva kwephuzu, uyeka ukubona izinto ngokucacile.
Ngesizathu esifanayo, udinga ukukhuluma nomuntu omethembayo ngezinkinga zakho. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi abangani bakho noma izihlobo ngeke bakuqonde, khuluma nomelaphi. Bazokwazi ukukunikeza umbono womuntu wesithathu ngaphandle kokwahlulela.
7. Uma kungenzeki lutho, sekuyisikhathi sokuqeda ubudlelwano
Yisho, uke wazama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Uke wakhuluma ngisho nomuntu omethembayo, kodwa akukho okuzolunga. Uma kunjalo, udinga ukuqeda ubuhlobo unomphela, ngisho noma unomlando futhi noma umthanda ngempela umuntu.
Iphuzu elibalulekile ukuthi ubudlelwano obuningi obukhona phakathi kobudlelwano buyingozi futhi udinga ukuzinakekela - akukho okufanele kuze ngaphambi kwempilo yakho yengqondo. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buyinto elahlekile, yeka ubudlelwano bese uqala impilo entsha ngaphandle komlingani wakho.
Kunezizathu eziningi nokho, zokuthi abantu bavuselele ubudlelwano babo nabalingani babo. Kuhlale kunovalo lokungakwazi ukuthola omunye umuntu bese ugcina usuwedwa. Uma nje unemizwa ngomlingani wakho, uzoqhubeka nokuzama kanzima ukuze kusebenze.
Kodwa-ke, zimbalwa kakhulu izindaba zempumelelo yobudlelwano phakathi no-off. Kungenzeka kube nethuba lokuthi owakho angaba ngomunye wabo, kodwa uma senineminyaka nithandana no-off, ungase ufune ukuhamba ngoba ukuphila kanje akulungile komunye wenu. Noma ngabe yini onquma ukuyenza, qiniseka ukuthi unamathela kuyo futhi uyeke kulo mjikelezo.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ubudlelwano obukhona-futhi-ke bungase busebenze uma isizathu esiyisisekelo singesibi kakhulu. Uma usebudlelwaneni obukhona-futhi-obukhona ngenxa yokuntuleka kokulinganisela, ungakwazi njalo ukuthola indlela yokuphuma. Kodwa-ke, uma imbangela yesimo sakho sobudlelwane obuntengantengayo ingahambisani, lokho ngeke kusebenze.
Ukuze uphume ebudlelwaneni obungahlali-kanye, kufanele uqale uqonde imbangela yokushintshashintsha. Khona-ke, udinga ukubona ukuthi izinkinga zingaxazululwa yini. Uma zingahlelwa, yiba nengxoxo ezolile nophathina wakho. Uma izingqinamba zizinkulu kunobudlelwano, bese uqeda ubuhlobo unomphela ngesinqumo esiqinile sokungaphinde ubuyele kuzo. Uma kusiza, finyelela kumuntu omethembayo ukuze akugcine uqhelelene nomuntu wakho wakudala.
Uma ubona ukuthi isithandwa sakho sesiyekile ukwenza imizamo yokwenza ubudlelwano benu buphumelele, noma senibona ukuthi senikhathele wukuba sebudlelwaneni bemuva naphambili bese buqala ukukucasula, yilapho-ke ubona khona ukuthi ubudlelwano boku-on-off buphelile. Nakuba kungase kubonakale sengathi ukuphela kwezwe, akunjalo. Sithembe!
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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
