Izinto eziningi ekuphileni ziqondwa kangcono ngomongo. Ngokuvamile asazi lapho senza iphutha, ngenxa nje yokuthi asazi ukuthi yini 'okulungile'. Uma ingqondo yakho ilokhu izungeza emuva ebudlelwaneni bakho kanye nokungabaza okumbalwa ongase ube nakho ngakho, usendaweni efanele. Ngilapha ukuze ngikunikeze umongo othile ngokunaba ngobudlelwano obunempilo obuqhathaniswa nobungenampilo kanye nomehluko oyi-10 phakathi kwabo.
Usulungele ukugibela, futhi nasi isixwayiso esifanele - kungase kuphathe kabi. Mayelana nokuhlola okwanamuhla (ngoba yilokho okuyikho!) Ngino-Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Applied Psychology) nami. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho kweminyaka engaphezu kweshumi ku-psychotherapy, uNandita unokuphawula okumbalwa okukhazimulayo okufanele akubone kanye nesiqondiso esiyigugu angasinikeza.
Masingene sijule emhlabeni wobudlelwano futhi sizulazule emikhawulweni emibili ye-spectrum ezitholakala kuyo. Isikhathi sokuthola ukuthi umi kuphi. Ingabe uyazibonisa izimpawu zobudlelwano obunempilo lapho uphola?
Healthy vs. Ubudlelwano Okungenampilo - 10 Umehluko
Okuqukethwe
Kubalulekile ukuthi ungaphambanisi 'impilo' kanye 'nokuphelele.' Umehluko phakathi kwalokhu okubili ukuthi ubuhlobo obunempilo bukhona ngempela, kuyilapho obuphelele bungekho. Uma ujaha iphupho lobudlelwano be-rom-com, ngivumele ngikukhiphe kancane ibhamuza lakho.
Kufanele ulwele ukuba nesibopho lapho wena nomlingani wakho nithanda, nikhulisana futhi nisekelana. Lapho unesabelo sakho sokulwa okubi nokungaboni ngaso linye, futhi uze uthukuthelelane. Ngoba uyabona, ngokwesintu akunakwenzeka ukuthi abantu ababili bavumelane ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ukuthuthuka kobudlelwano obunempilo kuzwakala kufana nekhaya. Ngakolunye uhlangothi…ubuthi uzizwa sengathi ngumuntu ogcwele umzimba. Kukhona into ehlala iphukile, uzwa ubuhlungu obungapheli, futhi noma ngabe ufuna ukuphulukisa kangakanani, udokotela uvele anqabe ukwenza umsebenzi wakhe.
Nakhu okuhlukile okungu-10 okuchaza ubudlelwano obunempilo uma buqhathaniswa nobungenampilo. Usukulungele? Asambe!
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iseluleko Sobudlelwano Kwabashadikazi - Izindlela Ezingu-25 Zokuqinisa Isibopho Senu
1. Ukuxhumana Okuvulekile vs
UNandita uyahleka njengoba eqala ukukhuluma ngokubaluleka kokuxhumana, “Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi abantu bakhathele ukuzwa lokhu futhi nami ngikhathele ukukuphinda.Ukuxhumana (okuhle noma okubi) kungenye yezinto ezinquma ubudlelwano.”
Ubudlelwano obunempilo bakhelwe ekuxhumaneni okuqinile nokuthembekile. Ozakwethu babelana ngamaphuzu avelele osuku lwabo, bazwakalise noma yikuphi ukucasuka abangaba nakho, futhi baxoxe ngemizwa yabo ngokuvuthwa nangokuqonda. Bazwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwabo futhi baxazulule izinkinga ngenkuthalo.
Kodwa ozakwethu abasebudlelwaneni obungenampilo baphendukela ekubeni nolaka, ukusunduza izinto ngaphansi kukakhaphethi, noma ukuklabalasa. Abakwazi ukubamba lapho omunye evela khona, futhi baqhutshwa isidingo sokuba balungile. Babeka icala, futhi abaphenduli.
Echaza, uNandita uthi abalingani basebenzisa indlela yokukhuluma ekhathalela ukuhlanza noma yimaphi amaphutha. “Bafuna ukuhambisa umthwalo wemfanelo emahlombe omlingani wabo. Ukugxila kusuka ekuxazululeni impikiswano ngendlela eqotho, kuye ekuphonseni izinsolo komunye nomunye.”
2. Ukuthembana vs Ukungathembani
Ubuhlobo obuqinile bakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo sokwethembana nokholo. Bobabili abantu ngabanye bavikeleke kakhulu ekuxhumekeni kwabo futhi abavamile ukungazethembi. Ubudlelwano obusekelwe ekuthembekeni abuboni izimo zokungathembeki kaningi.
Uma ubudlelwano bubonakala ngokungavikeleki njalo kanye nomhawu ngakho-ke siyabubheka njengobungenampilo. U-Nandita uthi, “Izindaba zokwethembana zivame ukungena kamuva phakathi kwabashadile.
Ukuhlola ifoni yomlingani wakho, amarisidi ekhadi lakhe lesikweletu, ukumlandela noma ukumphenya ngemibuzo lapho ephuma, konke kuyizimpawu zokungathembani. Kusho ukuthi awukwazi ukuthathela phezulu lokhu abakushoyo. Izingxabano zokwethembana zingaholela ebangeni elingokomzwelo nelomzimba phakathi kwabalingani.
Ubudlelwano obungenalo ukwethembana abuzinzile esikhathini esizayo. Izinkinga zokuthembana zidinga ukuxazululwa nochwepheshe. Thina kwa-Bonobology sinochwepheshe bobudlelwano abaningana abaseduze ukukusiza ngokuchofoza nje!
3. Umuntu ngamunye ngokumelene nokuziphatha okulawulayo - Izimo ezinempilo uma ziqhathaniswa nobudlelwano obungenampilo
Ubudlelwano buyingxenye ebalulekile yezimpilo zethu, kodwa angeke kube ukuphela kwento esinikela ngayo amandla ethu kuyo. Kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abantu balondoloze ubuntu babo ngemisebenzi yabo, abangani, imindeni, izinto abazithandayo, njalonjalo. Ukugcina isikhala okungeyakho nje kubalulekile.
Ubudlelwano obungenampilo bubonakala lapho bobabili abalingani behlukaniswa nomhlaba wonke futhi behileleke bodwa kuphela. Lapho omunye wabalingani ezama ukuhlukana nalo mjikelezo, omunye uba nomona. Yingakho sikhuluma ngobudlelwano obunempilo nobungaphilile.
Ukulawula lokho umlingani wakho afuna ukukwenza, indlela afuna ukugqoka ngayo, noma ukuthi ubani ofuna ukuhlangana naye, konke kungu-no-nos omkhulu. "Kumele kube nokunye empilweni yakho. Umlingani wakho ngumuntu oya kuye ekhaya ekupheleni kosuku, ngakho ungakhohlwa ukuphuma endlini..."
U-Nandita uyaqhubeka echaza, “Kufanele ulondoloze umuzwa wokuzethemba owehlukile kusoka noma intombi yakho.
4. Inhlonipho vs. Ukungahloniphi
Kunezindlela ezahlukene zokubonisa inhlonipho kumlingani wakho emphakathini nangasese. Ukubaphatha njengabantu abalinganayo, ungalokothi usebenzise ithoni yokuzehlisa, kanye nokugxeka lapho nobabili ninodwa kuyizimpawu zobudlelwano obuhle lapho nithandana.
Ngisho nokungaboni ngaso linye akumili ekuhlaselweni komuntu siqu noma ukuklabalasa. Ukuhlazisa umlingani wakho ngeminyaka noma isisindo sakhe, ukuba ngobulili, noma ukungamfuni konke kuyizimpawu eziyisixwayiso zobuthi. I-Ditto ngokwenza amahlaya ama-crass noma ukubukela phansi abakufezile.
Ngisho noma ungaqondi ukuthi umlingani wakho umayelana nani, awukwazi ukumchitha noma ungamnaki. Hlala uqaphela ithoni oyisebenzisayo uma ukhuluma nohhafu wakho ongcono futhi ugcine imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle.
Ngaphansi kwesambulela esifanayo senhlonipho kufika izinga lokumela umlingani wakho, nokuba neqolo lakhe. Leli elinye lamacebiso abalulekile obudlelwane obunempilo kwabashadile. Ukuba sekhoneni labo kuwuphawu lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho bubalulekile empilweni yakho.
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5. Ukuyekethisa ngokumelene Nobugovu
Uhamba amagxathu amahlanu, umlingani wakho uhamba ezinhlanu naye. Ayikho into emnandi ukwedlula indlela ephakathi! Ubudlelwano obunempilo buthinta ibhalansi phakathi kwalokho okufunwa abantu ababili. Ngezinye izinsuku ukhetha imuvi, kwezinye ukhetha indawo yokudlela. Kucabange njengesaha lehla lenyuka.
Kodwa ubuhlobo obungenampilo bunophawu lobugovu. Uma omunye wenu (noma nobabili) niphikelela ukuthi nifuna indlela yenu ngaso sonke isikhathi, niyehluleka ukuqonda ukuthi yini eyenza ubuhlobo busebenze. U-Nandita uyavuma, “I-Compromise ifana nophethiloli, igcina injini isebenza.”
Lobu bugovu bungase buvele nasekuzicabangeleni komuntu oyedwa. Uma begxile ezidingweni nasezifisweni zabo, kunzima kakhulu ukuveza iphuzu lakho. Ubugovu bubonakala ezicini zokuphila ezingokomzwelo, zocansi, nezingokoqobo. Qiniseka ukuthi awuyena umuntu onobugovu ebudlelwaneni.
Yilokho okwabhalwa uNassim Taleb, “Uthando olungenakuzinikela lufana nokweba.” Lona omunye umehluko omkhulu kakhulu phakathi kobudlelwane obunempilo nobungenampilo.
6. Amaphethini ocansi anempilo ngokumelene nodlame locansi
Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuyisici esikhulu sanoma yibuphi ubudlelwano futhi amaphethini anempilo abaluleke kakhulu lapha. Ukuthatha imvume yozakwenu, ukuzitika emikhubeni noma imisebenzi eninethezeke ngayo nobabili, ukuba nezwi eliphephile, nokusebenzisa izindlela zokuvimbela inzalo ezifanele nezokuphepha kuyizinkomba zobudlelwano obuhle.
Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi , ukuvuma uma umlingani wakho edakiwe, noma ukumenza ahlanganyele emaphusheni ocansi abangavumelani nawo akulona nje uphawu lobuhlobo obungenampilo, kodwa nobobuhlobo obuyingozi.
Ngendlela efanayo, ukumithisa intombi/unkosikazi wakho ngaphandle kwemvume yakhe ecacile, noma ukumphoqa ukuthi asebenzise izithiyo zokuzala kunokugqoka ikhondomu nakho akwamukelekile. Kufanele kube nesivumelwano esiphelele kuzo zombili iziphetho ngaphambi kokuba kwenziwe isenzo socansi. Leli elinye lamathiphu obudlelwane obunempilo adingeka kakhulu kwabashadile.
Sicela ungasebenzisi 50 Shades of Gray (noma yini efana ukude) njengesifanekiso sempilo yakho yocansi. Nasi isikhumbuzo sakho sezikhathi ezithile sokwenza ucansi oluphephile nomuntu omthandayo. Qaphela leyo mingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo!
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuhambisana Kocansi - Incazelo, Ukubaluleka Nezimpawu
7. Ukwethembeka vs Ukungathembeki
“Kunamazinga okwethembeka lapho uthandana nothile. Akusho nje ukukhuluma iqiniso ngokwezwi nezwi, kodwa ukwethembeka ebudlelwaneni. Ingabe ungumuntu oqotho kunawo wonke nomlingani wakho? Ingabe uye wathembeka kuye? Ingabe wawuthembekile ekudluliseleni izinhloso zakho ngobuhlobo?” Kusho uNandita.
Ubudlelwano obuqinile yibo lapho bobabili abantu bengagcina ubuqotho babo ngokuhlala bethembekile kubo. Ngenxa yalokho, bazinikele kumlingani wabo kanye nekusasa lobudlelwano. Lezi zonke izimpawu zobudlelwano obunempilo lapho nithandana.
Uma uthandana nomuntu ohlala eqamba amanga, kusho ukungamethembi. Akudingekile ukusho ukuthi, isibopho esingenampilo esisekelwe ekwenziweni akukwazi ukuhlala isikhathi eside. Umlingani wakho ekugcineni kuzofanele abone uhlangothi oluhlukile kuwe, ngoba ukuqhubeka nokuzenzisa kuyakhathala.
Ukukhohlisa intombi yakho noma isoka lakho nakho kuwukungathembeki nokungathembeki kwabo . Uma ucabanga ngalokho okwenza ubudlelwano bube nobunempilo uma buqhathaniswa nobungaphilile, okubonayo kungaba yinto emangalisayo. Kukwenza ucabange kabusha ngezinto eziningi futhi kukusize ukuthi ubone izindawo ezibuthakathaka kuwe.
8. Fighting fair vs. Fighting dirty
Wonke umuntu uyalwa, akunakugwenywa. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi, kuyaphilisa. Ukuveza intukuthelo yethu nokuveza imizwa yethu kungasisiza kakhulu ekukhathazekeni kwethu ngokomzwelo. Kodwa ngisho nangesikhathi sokulwa, ubudlelwano obuqinile abuqhekeki. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi bobabili abalingani balwa ngendlela efanele futhi bagcina imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle.
Ukuhlambalaza okuncane, ukuhlaselwa komuntu siqu, ukusebenzisa ukungazethembi njengesikhali, noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo kuyavinjwa lapho abantu abadala ababili abavuthiwe bexabana. Bagxila enkingeni ekhona ngaphandle kokulandela izihloko ezingenamthelela. Nanku umehluko oyinhloko phakathi kobudlelwane obunempilo obuqhathaniswa nobungenampilo.
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
UNandita uthi, “Umehluko awumusha. Ubani ongenawo? Iqhinga likukuphatha ngendlela ehluzekile. Ukukhanyiselwa ngophethiloli, ukukhohlisa, ukujikijela izinto noma ukubhodloza iminyango akudingekile futhi kuyingozi.”
Kubalulekile futhi ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuqhubeka kobudlelwano obunempilo ngemuva kokulwa kuhlukile. Ozakwethu bayathethelela ngempela futhi ababambeli magqubu. “Akuyona impilo ukumba amathambo esikhathi esedlule isikhathi ngasinye lapho nixabana,” kukhumbuza uNandita.
9. Ukubandakanyeka vs. Passivity
Akulula njalo ukukhumbula ukuthi ubudlelwano buwumsebenzi oqhubekayo. Izici zobudlelwano obunempilo bobabili ozakwethu basebenzela ukugcina inhlansi iphila. Babonisa ukubonga futhi benza izimpawu ezicabangelayo komunye nomunye. Batshalwe ebudlelwaneni ngokulinganayo.
Kodwa uma ubudlelwano buqiniswa yimizamo yohlangothi olulodwa (noma kungekho mizamo nhlobo), abunampilo. Akulungile ukulindela ukuthi kube nomuntu oyedwa ozophakamisa izinsimbi ngoba ekugcineni bazovutha. Imizamo lapha isho ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba!
U-Nandita unikeza elinye lamacebiso angcono kakhulu obudlelwane obunempilo, "Zinike isikhathi esimisweni sakho nomlingani wakho. Awukho umsebenzi, akukho zinkinga zansuku zonke, nobabili nje. Mhlawumbe hamba uye eholidini noma idethi emnandi. Isizathu salokhu ukuthi siphazamiseke kakhulu ngosuku oluvamile. Ozakwethu abakutholi ukunakwa kwethu okungahlukanisiwe."
Njengomcabango wakamuva uyanezela, "Futhi ngicela wehlise amafoni akho. Ayikho into ecasula njengolunye uhlelo lokusebenza olusebenzisa isikhathi sakho ngenkathi umuntu wangempela elinde ukuthi uqede." I-hashtag ayilungile!
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-6 Zokuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obunohlangothi Olulodwa
10. Izimo ezinempilo uma ziqhathaniswa nobudlelwano obungenampilo - Ukwamukelwa vs. Ukugxekwa
Lena mhlawumbe ikhwalithi engaqondakali kakhulu imibhangqwana. 'Ukwamukela' akusho ukuthi ulungile kuzo ZONKE izimfanelo zomlingani wakho, kuhlanganise nezingezinhle. Kusho nje ukungazami ukushintsha ukuthi bangobani ngokoqobo njengomuntu. Ungazami futhi uzifake emcabangweni wakho walokho okufanele abe yikho.
Ubudlelwano obungenampilo ngokuvamile bubona ozakwethu begxekana ngokungaphezi, bezama ukuhlanganisa amazwana ahlambalazayo emngceleni. U-Nandita uyabubula, "Kuyakhathaza ukubuka abantu ababili bexabana. Futhi ngani? Iyiphi indondo oyitholayo?"
Esinye sezici ezivelele kakhulu zobudlelwano obuhle ukwamukela ukuhluka komlingani wakho nokubekezelela amaphutha akhe. Ngisho nokugxekwa okunikezayo kufanele kwenziwe ngendlela engenabutha. Inhloso yokugxekwa ukuthuthukisa, hhayi ukuhlambalaza.
Ubudlelwano obuqhutshwa ukugxekwa buyinto edinga umsebenzi ukuze iphole. Bobabili abantu abathintekayo kufanele bazimisele ukushintsha imiqondo yabo futhi bahlukane nobutha ababambelele kubo.
Lapha sifika esiphethweni sokuhlaziya kwethu okuqhathanisayo kwezimo zobudlelwane obunempilo uma ziqhathaniswa nobungenampilo. Ngethemba ukuthi manje usunomongo owanele kanye nokudla okucatshangwayo okwengeziwe. Nihambe kanjani kule mingcele? Futhi ubudlelwano bakho buwela kuphi? Sibhalele futhi usazise. Kwangathi ungabona kuphela ukuqhubeka kobudlelwano obunempilo empilweni yakho!
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
