Umzabalazo Wamandla Ebudlelwaneni - Indlela Elungile Yokubhekana Nakho

Ngobukhali kodwa okuvezayo kokubheka emuva, ubudlelwano obubodwa bugqama njengesikhumbuzo esithinta inhliziyo sewebhu eyinkimbinkimbi yomzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni obungangena buthule ekuxhumaneni okusondele kakhulu. Mina noSarah, esasikhungethwe uthando olusha, sasibonakala singenakunqotshwa. Nokho, ngaphansi kwaso, impi engashiwongo yokulawula isunguliwe, esongela ukulingana okubucayi ebesikufuna ngabomvu.

Njengoba imizwa ishayisana futhi ubugovu bungqubuzana kakhulu nakakhulu, kwaba yisifundo esifunde kanzima ezinkambisweni eziyinkimbinkimbi ezenzeka lapho izinhliziyo ezimbili zizama ukuvumelana. Izinkundla zethu zokulwa zazisukela ezinqumweni ezingathi shu mayelana nokuthi iyiphi ifilimu okufanele siyibukele kuye ezindabeni ezinzima njengokubheka ikusasa lethu sindawonye. Ngazithola ngingaqondile ngibambeke ekusithekeni kobuntu bukaSarah obuqinile, ukugomela kwakhe ngokuvamile kuqeda izifiso zami. Lapho ngizwa ukuzimela kwami ​​kuyehla, ngabambelela ngokuqinile emicu efadalayo yalokho esasinakho.

Kwafika kimina ukuthi kungenzeka kube yimi ngedwa oke wabhekana nalokhu kudonsa nokudonsa kwamandla dynamics. Ngakho-ke, nginqume ukuhlolisisa ama-nuances womzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni futhi ngembule izindlela zokuyizulazula ngomusa nangokuqonda. Ngemininingwane ethile ebalulekile evela Dhriti Bhavsar (I-MA Clinical Psychology), umeluleki wezobudlelwano, sizozulazula ku-labyrinth yemizwa, sithathela kokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu kanye nezifundo zocwaningo ukuze siveze indlela efanele yokubhekana nezingxabano zamandla ezingenakugwemeka ezingalolonga umnyombo wokuxhumana kwethu, okulimaza inhlalakahle yethu.

Kuyini Ukuzabalaza Kwamandla Ebudlelwaneni?

Umbango wamandla ebudlelwaneni ubhekisela esimweni lapho abalingani ababili abasebudlelwaneni bothando belwela ukulawula, ukuthonya, noma ukubusa phakathi kobambiswano. Lo mshikashika ungabonakala ezicini ezehlukene zobudlelwano, njengokuthatha izinqumo, ukuxhumana, nokusabalalisa izibopho. Kuvame ukuvela uma kukhona ukungalingani emandleni, okuholela ozakwethu oyedwa noma bobabili ukuthi bagomele izidingo zabo, imibono, noma izifiso zabo ngomzamo wokuthola ukulawula noma ukugcina umuzwa wokuzimela.

UDhriti uyachaza, “Bonke ubudlelwano buwumzabalazo wamandla ezingeni elithile. Ubudlelwano ngokwemvelo buphethe amandla aguqukayo. Lokhu okuguquguqukayo akuvamile ukuthi kusatshalaliswe ngokulinganayo; esikhundleni salokho, kuthanda ukushintshashintsha ngokusekelwe ezintweni ezihlukahlukene. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ebudlelwaneni bobulili obuhlukile, lokhu kuguquguquka kuvame ukuthatha isakhiwo esiqinile, nemithelela ebaluleke kakhulu uma ibhekwa ngokombono womlingani wesilisa. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukungavikeleki kungabamba iqhaza elikhulu ekusunguleni nasekuqiniseni lezi zinguquko, kugqanyiswe ukubaluleka kokukhulumisana okukhululekile, uzwela, nokuqondana ekuthuthukiseni ubuhlobo obunempilo.”

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Ukubhekana nombuzo wokuthi uyini umzabalazo wamandla wobudlelwane, lokhu Umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthi, “Lapho sihlangana, wayefaka umzamo omkhulu kunami futhi ngangikuthanda. Ekugcineni, wakhululeka. Manje kuzwakala sengathi ngenza umzamo owengeziwe futhi akaqondi ukuthi kungani ngicasuka lapho ehlehlisa kancane. Angifuni ukwenza kube sengathi uyisoka elibi ngoba wenza izinto ezibonakalayo ukuze angibonise ukuthi uyangithanda.

“Kukhona lo mbono obizwa ngokuthi Isimiso Sokuthakasela Okuncane. Kusho nje ukuthi umuntu ongenandaba nokuncane ebudlelwaneni nguyena onesandla esiphezulu. Ngisanda kufunda ngalokhu namuhla futhi iyona kanye indlela engizizwa ngayo. Sengiphelelwe yithemba, naye akudingeki abe njalo ngoba uyazi ukuthi ngiyohlala ngimkhathalela kakhulu.

“Angikaze ngicabange ukuthi lobu budlelwano buzogcina buwumbango wezikhundla, ngiyazama ukuzitshela ukuthi angiyeke ukunakekela kakhulu ukuze agcine esephelelwa yithemba, kodwa ngiphatheke kabi ngokuba nobuqili futhi ngokwemvelo ngingumuntu ophayo ngakho kunzima ukuyeka ukunakekela.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulungisa Ubudlelwano Obunobuthi - Izindlela Ezingu-21 Zokuphulukisa Ndawonye

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi izinga elithile lamandla ashukumisayo likhona kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano, futhi ukuzuza ukulingana okuphelele ngokuvamile akulona iqiniso. Ukungqubuzana amakhanda nomuntu omthandayo akunakugwenywa. Kodwa-ke, imizabalazo yamandla engenampilo ingacekela phansi isisekelo sobudlelwano uma ingaxazululwanga, okuholela ekucasukeni, ekuphazamisekeni kokukhulumisana, kanye nomuzwa wokunganeliseki ovamile. Lokhu kwenzeka lapho umbhangqwana udlula ezigabeni ezi-5 zomzabalazo wamandla wobudlelwane:

• Ukungakhululeki kokuqala kanye nokungezwani: Ezigabeni zokuqala zokudlala kwamandla ebuhlotsheni, ngokushesha ngemva kwe- isigaba se-honeymoon siphelile, kukhona umuzwa okhulayo wokungakhululeki nokushuba. Ukwehluka kwemibono, izindinganiso, noma okulindelekile kungase kuvele, ingasaphathwa imikhuba ecasulayo, okuholela ekungavumelani okucashile kodwa okuzwakalayo phakathi kwabalingani.
• Ukukhula kwezingxabano: Njengoba umbango wezikhundla ushuba, izingxabano zingase zibhebhetheke. Ukungezwani kuba njalo, futhi imizamo yokugomela noma ukubusa ingase ikhule. Ukuphazamiseka kwezokuxhumana kuba sobala, nozakwethu bezabalaza ukuthola okuvumelana ngakho
• Amaqhinga okuvikela nokulawula: Kulesi sigaba, ozakwethu bangase basebenzise izimo zokuzivikela, befuna ukuvikela izintshisekelo zabo noma imibono yabo. Amaqhinga okulawula, njengokukhohlisa, ukusola, noma imizamo yokuba nomthelela ekuthathweni kwezinqumo ngapha nangapha, angase agqame kakhudlwana.
• Ibanga elingokomzwelo nokucasuka: Umbango wamandla oqhubekayo ungaholela ukuhlukana kwemizwelo nomuzwa wokucasuka okhulayo. Ozakwethu bangase bahoxe ngokomzwelo ukuze bazivikele kusongo olucatshangwayo noma ingcindezi, badale ukuhlukana okuqhubeza ubudlelwano bube nzima. Lokhu kungaba nomthelela omubi enhlalakahleni yabo.
• I-Crossroads - isixazululo noma umzabalazo oqhubekayo: Kulokhu, ubudlelwano bufinyelela esiphambanweni. Imibhangqwana ingase ikhethe ukubhekana ngenkuthalo futhi ixazulule umbango wamandla noma iqhubeke nomjikelezo wokungqubuzana. Uma sisingathwa ngendlela eyakhayo, lesi sigaba singaba uguquko olubheke empilweni enempilo, eguqukayo elinganiselayo nabo bobabili ozakwethu ekhasini elifanayo. Kodwa-ke, uma ushiywe ungagadiwe, umbango wamandla ungase uqhubeke, futhi ubambeke emjikelezweni ongapheli wokuphakama okukodwa.

Manje njengoba usuzazi izigaba ezi-5 zomzabalazo wamandla wobudlelwano, ake sibone ukuthi kungani zenzeka.

Kungani kunombango wamandla ebudlelwaneni?

Imizabalazo yamandla ebudlelwaneni ingase ivele ezintweni ezihlukahlukene eziyisisekelo, ezibonisa ukusebenzisana okuyinkimbinkimbi kobuntu bomuntu ngamunye, izindinganiso, kanye namandla. Ngisho nabantu ababonakala belungiswe kahle njengabantu ngabanye bangawela kulolu gibe ebudlelwaneni babo obuseduze. U-Dhriti ubala izici ezilandelayo lapho i-psychology yomzabalazo wamandla ngokuvamile inezimpande:

• Umehluko kumanani nezinjongo: Lapho ozakwethu benezindinganiso ezihlukene, imigomo yempilo, noma izinto eziza kuqala, bangase bazithole sebengqubuzana njengoba bezulazula ekwenzeni izinqumo. lokho kuthinta umkhondo wobudlelwano
• Izitayela zokuxhumana: Izindlela ezihlukahlukene zokuxhumana zingaholela ekungaqondani nasekuchazeni ngokungeyikho. Uma umlingani oyedwa egomela futhi omunye engenzi lutho, kungadala ukungalingani kwamandla ezingxoxweni nasekuthatheni izinqumo.
• Ukungavikeleki: Ukungavikeleki, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwesikhathi esidlule noma ezinkingeni zezimo, ezifana nozakwethu oyedwa owenza imali eningi kunomunye kungaba nomthelela esidingweni sokulawula noma sokuqinisekisa ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu kungabonakala njengombango wamandla njengoba abantu befuna ukuqinisekiswa noma bezama ukuzivikela ngokomzwelo
• Izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe: Izikhalo ezedlule noma izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe zingavela kabusha, zidale umbango wamandla oqhubekayo njengoba ozakwethu bezulazula emacaleni angapheli kanye nokukhathazeka okungakaxazululwa.
• Okulindelekile kwendima: Okulindelwe umphakathi noma amasiko mayelana izindima zobulili kungaba nomthelela emibangweni yamandla, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni bobulili obuhlukile. Okulindelwe ngokwesiko kungase kumise imibono yegunya kanye nomthelela
• Izingcindezi zangaphandle: Izici zangaphandle ezifana nengcindezi yezezimali, ukucindezeleka okuhlobene nomsebenzi, noma izinkinga zomndeni zingase zibhebhethekise izingxabano futhi zibangele imibango yezikhundla.
• Ukwesaba ukuba sengozini: Ukuvuleka nokuba sengozini kungaba yinselele. Abanye abantu bangase bahileleke emibangweni yamandla njengendlela yokuzivikela ukuze bagweme ukuveza imizwa yabo yangempela noma ukungazethembi
• Ukungabi nemingcele: Imingcele engacacile noma ephuliwe ingaholela ekuphatheni kabi nokucasuka. Ukumisa nokuhlonipha imingcele kubalulekile ukuze kube namandla anempilo ebuhlotsheni
• Ukuthuthukiswa komuntu siqu: Njengoba abantu bethuthuka futhi bekhula, amandla aguquguqukayo ngaphakathi kobudlelwano angase ashintshe. Uma umlingani oyedwa ephikisana noma esaba lolu shintsho, kungase kubangele ukungezwani nokungqubuzana

Ukuqonda lezi zici eziyisisekelo zomzabalazo wamandla kubalulekile ekusingatheni nasekuxazululeni imibango yamandla ngendlela eyakhayo. Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile, uzwela, nokuzimisela ukusebenza ndawonye ukuze kutholwe isisekelo esifanayo kuyizici ezibalulekile ekuzulazuleni nasekunqobeni imizabalazo yamandla ebuhlotsheni.

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Ukwengeza, i-Dhriti ihlanganisa umqondo wendawo yokulawula nokuba khona kokudlala kwamandla okungenampilo ebuhlotsheni. Uthi, "Abantu bavame ukusebenza endaweni yokulawula yangaphakathi noma yangaphandle. Labo abanendawo yangaphakathi bakholelwa ukuthi bangakwazi ukuthonya futhi baguqule izimo zabo ngezenzo zabo siqu, bekhuthaza umuzwa wokuzikhethela nokuzibophezela. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abanendawo yangaphandle bavame ukufuna ukulawula ngaphandle kwabo, bezama ukuphatha abanye futhi basebenzise izimo zangaphandle. Le ndawo yangaphandle yokulawula ingaba yindawo yokuzalanisa phakathi kobudlelwane phakathi kobudlelwane phakathi kozakwethu, ikakhulukazi uma kubhekwana nozakwethu.

"Inselelo iphakama lapho labo abanendawo yangaphandle bebona lo mehluko njengezinsongo ebudlelwaneni, okubangela ukungazethembi. Lokhu kungazethembi kuvame ukubonakala ngokungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni, okuphawulwa ngokuziphatha okufana nalokhu. igesi ebudlelwaneni, ukukhohlisa, kanye nesidingo esikhulu sokulawula ngisho nokwenza izinqumo ezingasho lutho - umjikelezo onesiyaluyalu ovimbela ukusungulwa kokuqondana nokusebenzisana. Ukuqaphela kanye nokubhekana nendawo yokulawula ngaphakathi kwakho kanye nozakwethu kungaba isinyathelo esibalulekile sokugqashula emaphethini abhubhisayo emizabalazo yamandla, kukhuthaze amandla anempilo akhelwe ekwamukeleni nasekubambisaneni.”

Umzabalazo wamandla onempilo uma uqhathaniswa nongenampilo ebudlelwaneni

Bonke ubudlelwano buwumbango wamandla - ukulwela amandla ebudlelwaneni kuyingxenye yemvelo yokuzulazula umehluko nokusungula ibhalansi yethonya. Kodwa-ke, ukuthi le mibango yamandla ibonakala kanjani futhi isingathwa ngayo inganquma ukuthi ingaba negalelo ekuguqumeni okunempilo noma okungenampilo ebudlelwaneni.

Umzabalazo wamandla onempilo

Umzabalazo wamandla ungathathwa njengenempilo uma kukhona:

• Ukuxhumana okusebenzayo: Emibangweni yamandla enempilo, abalingani baxhumana ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka ngezidingo zabo, izifiso, kanye nokubakhathazayo. Balalelana ngenkuthalo, bafuna ukuqonda imibono eyahlukene, futhi baqinisekise ukuthi bobabili basekhasini elifanayo ekuthathweni kwezinqumo.
• Ukuhloniphana: Bobabili abalingani emzabalazweni onempilo wamandla bahlonipha ukuzimela komunye nomunye futhi bavuma ubuqiniso bemizwa nemibono yabo. Kukhona ukuzibophezela ekutholeni ukuvumelana okuhlonipha izidingo nenhlalakahle yomuntu ngamunye
• Ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana okwakhayo: Kunokuba usebenzise ukukhwabanisa kwezothando noma amasu okulawula, imibhangqwana ekuzabalazweni kwamandla okunempilo isebenza ndawonye ukuthola izixazululo. Babheka ukungqubuzana njengamathuba okukhula nokuqonda, ukufunda komunye nomunye ohlelweni
• Ukuzwela: Uzwela ludlala indima ebalulekile ekusetshenzisweni okuhle kwamandla ebudlelwaneni. Ozakwethu bazama ukuqonda imizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho komunye nomunye, bakhuthaze ukuxhumana okujulile futhi banciphise amandla okubusa ohlangothini olulodwa, ukubonana ngokuqhubekayo. izinga lomuntu siqu

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Umzabalazo wamandla ongenampilo

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umzabalazo obangelwa ukungalingani kwamandla okungenampilo ebudlelwaneni ubonakala ngokuthi:

• Ukukhohlisa nokulawula: Emibangweni yamandla engenampilo, oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bangase basebenzise ukukhohlisa, ukulawula, noma ukuphoqelela ukuze bathole indlela yabo. Lokhu kungabonakala njengokuxhaphaza imizwa, ukukhanya kwegesi, noma imizamo yokubukela phansi omunye umuntu
• Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana: Amandla angenampilo ngokuvamile ahilela ukuphazamiseka kokuxhumana. Ozakwethu bangase bagweme ukuxoxisana ngezinkinga, okuholela ezingxabanweni ezingaxazululiwe ezikhula zibe nomthelela esimweni esinobuthi
• Ukunganaki imingcele: Emibangweni yezikhundla engenampilo, kungase kube nokuntula inhlonipho ngomunye nomunye imingcele ebudlelwaneni. Omunye umlingani angase eqe imingcele, okuholela emizweni yokucasuka kanye nomuzwa wokwephulwa
• Win-lose mentality: Esikhundleni sokufuna ukuyekethisa, ukulwela amandla okungenampilo kungase kubonakale ngesimo sengqondo sokulahlekelwa. Ukunqoba kozakwethu oyedwa ukuhlulwa komunye, okudala ukuhlukana nokuphikisana
• Ukukhula kwezingxabano: Izingxabano zamandla okungenampilo zivame ukwanda kunokuba zehle, okuholela kumjikelezo wokunganaki nokucasuka.

Ukuqaphela izimpawu zamandla angenampilo kubalulekile ekubhekaneni nasekuguquleni kube amaphethini anempilo. Ukwelapha imibhangqwana noma ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kungaba amathuluzi abalulekile okufunda amasu okuxhumana asebenzayo kanye nokwakha ukuguquguquka okuhle nokunokulinganisela.

Izinhlobo Ezi-4 Zomshikashika Wamandla Ebudlelwaneni

Uyini umzabalazo wamandla wobudlelwane? Ingabe umzabalazo wamandla uwuphawu olubi lokuba nalo ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe kungaba khona ukusetshenziswa okuhle kwamandla ebudlelwaneni? Lapho uqala ukubona ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nibambe iqhaza ekudonseni amandla, imicabango enjalo ekhathazayo kanye nokuchazwayo. ukungaqiniseki ngobudlelwano bakho ungaqala ukukukhathaza. Ukuqonda izinhlobo ezi-4 zomzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni kuzokunikeza ukucaca kokuthi obhekene nakho kufaneleka njengokunempilo nokuhle noma okunobuthi nokubi:

1. Umbango wamandla wokufuna ukuhoxiswa

Lokhu kuguquguquka komzabalazo wamandla kwenzeka lapho omunye uzakwethu ehalela futhi ezama ukusungula izinga elithile lokusondelana, kodwa omunye akubheke 'njengokufiphala' bese ebaleka. Umsukeli unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wabo akanamizwa noma mhlawumbe ugodla uthando ngamabomu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umqhele uthola umlingani wakhe oswele kakhulu.

Esinye sezibonelo zemibango yamandla ebudlelwaneni yi ukwelashwa buthule lokho kulandela izingxabano phakathi kwabashadile. Emzabalazweni wamandla wokuhoxiswa kwesidingo, oyedwa uzakwethu unikeza omunye isikhathi nendawo ukuze azipholise, kuyilapho omunye engabavaleli lapho ekugcineni bezama ukuxazulula inkinga.

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2. Umzabalazo wamandla osukela kude

Lokhu kuguquguquka komzabalazo wamandla kwenzeka lapho omunye uzakwethu ehalela futhi ezama ukusungula izinga elithile lokusondelana, kodwa omunye akubheke 'njengokufiphala' bese ebaleka. Umsukeli unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wabo akanamizwa noma mhlawumbe ugodla uthando ngamabomu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umqhele uthola umlingani wakhe oswele kakhulu.

Esinye sezibonelo zomzabalazo wamandla ohamba ibanga elide ebudlelwaneni i-push-pull dynamics. Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, bobabili abalingani babanjwa ngomdanso ongenampilo oshisayo nobandayo, abakwazi ukuvumelana ngezinga elamukelekile lokusondelana. Isibonelo sakudala esomuntu ovala ucingo lwakhe ngemva kokulwa ngobudlelwano bebanga elide, kuyilapho umgijimi ezama ngokukhathazeka nangokuxhamazela ukufinyelela ngomngane noma umndeni.

3. Umzabalazo wamandla wokwesaba-ihlazo

Umzabalazo wamandla ongenamahloni usho ukuthi ukwesaba komunye umlingani kubangela ihlazo komunye. Lokhu kuvame ukuba wumphumela wokwesaba nokungazethembi komuntu okuveza imizwa yokugwema kanye namahloni komunye. Futhi ngokuphambene. Ngokwesibonelo, ku-a ubudlelwano nengcindezi yezezimali, uma omunye umlingani ekhathazekile ngokungabi nayo imali eyanele, omunye angase abe namahloni ngokuthi akaholi ngokwanele. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho umuntu oyedwa ezizwa ecindezelekile noma ekhathazekile ngezimo ezithile, omunye uyahoxa ukuze afihle ihlazo analo.

Lapho umlingani oyedwa ehoxa kakhulu ngenxa yehlazo, uzakwethu onokwesaba uvame ukwabelana ngokweqile njengoba ecabanga ukuthi akazwakali. Lokhu kudala ukuzungeza okungalungile. Njengoba ukwesaba namahloni kuvame ukubizwa ngokuthi imizwa engemihle eqeda amandla kakhulu, izigaba zombango wamandla wobudlelwano zingakhuphukela ngokushesha emazingeni angenampilo futhi anobuthi kulokhu kuguquguquka, kuphazamise impilo yengqondo kanye nokuzethemba kwabo bobabili abalingani.

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4. Umshikashika wokugwema isijeziso

Lolu hlobo lomzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni bothando lusekelwe esidingweni somlingani oyedwa sokujezisa omunye. Lo uzakwethu uzogadla komunye ngokugxeka, intukuthelo, kanye nezimfuno. Bazama nokubamba uthando, baluvumele lugeleze, baphathe uthando njengethuluzi elikhohlisayo lokubonisa umvuzo nesijeziso. Ukuze agweme ukujeziswa, omunye uzakwethu uhlehla egobolondweni futhi angatholakali ngokomzwelo.

Umbango wamandla onjalo emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni yiwona onobuthi kakhulu futhi uphawuleka ngezinqumo nezinsongo. Njengendlela yokuzivikela, umuntu ekugcineni ekutholeni ukuziphatha okudelela okunjalo uvame ukusebenzisa ukwelashwa buthule, okwandisa kuphela imizwa engemihle kumlingani ofuna ukujezisa.

Ungazibona Kanjani Izimpawu Zomshikashika Wamandla Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukuqonda incazelo yomzabalazo wamandla ngokwengqondo yinto eyodwa, ukufunda ukubona lokhu kuthambekela ebudlelwaneni bakho kungenye into. Imvamisa, ukusuka kwesinye ukuya kwesinye akulula. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ngokuvamile siyaphika mayelana nezinkinga zethu eziyisisekelo zobudlelwano.

Uma unomuzwa wokuthi nobabili wena nomlingani wakho nivame ukuphendukela ekubambeni ndawonye njalo kodwa ungenasiqiniseko sokuthi kufaneleka yini njengenkomba yomzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni obuseduze, naka lezi zimpawu eziqinisekile zomzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni:

1. Udlala imidlalo yengqondo

Esinye sezibonelo zomzabalazo wamandla ositshela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni ukuthambekela kokudlala imidlalo yengqondo ukukhohlisana. Ukuthi ihlale iveza i-ex noma ngamabomu hhayi ukuthumela imiyalezo kuqala kodwa njalo ukuphendula, lokhu kuziphatha kungamathuluzi okulawula ingqondo, umuzwa wemvelo, nezenzo zomlingani wakho.

Uma omunye wenu enenkinga nomunye, ubuyela emuva endleleni ye- passive-aggressive ukuveza ukucasuka kwakho. Ukukhulumisana okuqotho, okukhululekile kunzima kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho. Lezi ezinye zezimpawu zokuqala zesigaba somzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni. “Umuntu odlala imidlalo yengqondo ulahlekelwa ukulandela lokho okubalulekile ebudlelwaneni, ebeka phambili 'ukunqoba' kwakhe kunempilo yobudlelwano," kusho uDhriti.

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2. Ukuzizwa uphakeme

Ubukeka kanjani umzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni? Inkomba etshelayo ukuthi eyakho akuwona ubudlelwano bokulinganayo. Kukude nakho, eqinisweni. Omunye wenu noma nobabili niphila nomuzwa ongenakunyakaziswa wokuba uphakeme kunomunye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungenxa yemvelo yomsebenzi wakho, isizinda somndeni wakho, imfundo, noma isimo sezezimali, okungenani oyedwa uzakwethu uzwa sengathi omunye uhlala entula.

Ngenxa yalokho, 'umfiki' uzizwa enesidingo esiqhubekayo sokusekela futhi abuse 'umxhumanisi', okuholela emzabalazweni wamandla ongenampilo. 'Umuntu ofinyelelayo' ubhekene nobuthakathaka izindaba zokungazethembi. Izibonelo ezinjalo zemibango yamandla ebuhlotsheni zivamile enguqukweni yokwesaba-ihlazo, lapho omunye umlingani ehlala enza omunye azizwe sengathi abanele, ebaphushela eqoqweni lokuhoxa ngokomzwelo.

3. Niyaqhudelana

Kunokuba basebenze njengeqembu, imibhangqwana ebambene ngamandla emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni izwa isidingo sokuncintisana ngokwezinga lomuntu siqu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuphambili emsebenzini noma ezintweni ezincane ezifana nokuthi ubani obukeka kangcono ephathini, nihlala nizama ukudlula omunye komunye. Uma, isibonelo, izindaba zokuthi umlingani wakho uthola ukwenyuselwa imali zikushiya nomgodi esiswini noma ukukhushulwa kwakho kumenza azizwe enomhawu, ungabala lezi phakathi kwezimpawu zokuqala zomzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni bothando.

“Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngombango wezikhundla onempilo, umbhangqwana wawufunda izimbangela zawo ezingokomzwelo nokuthi yini evusa umuzwa womona kuwo. izinhlobo zokungazethembi ebudlelwaneni, baqaphele ezabo, bathole izindlela zokwelapha, futhi baxoxe ngokuphumelelayo ngalokho ngamunye wabo akudingayo, ukuze baqinisekise ukuthi ubuhlobo babo abuhlushwa umona,” kuchaza uDhriti.

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4. Nidonselana phansi

Olunye uphawu lwakudala lokuthi ubambekile esigabeni sokulwela amandla ebudlelwaneni ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho uyakudonsela phansi noma wenze okufanayo kuye. Mhlawumbe nobabili niye nizame ngaso sonke isikhathi. Uyayibona iphimbo lokuklolodela emibonweni yomlingani wakho ngezenzo zakho, okufezile, nokushiyeka kwakho? Noma uzithole usunqotshwa ukudelela ezabo? Ingabe kuzwakala sengathi uhlale uzithethelela kumlingani wakho? Noma baya kuwe?

UDhriti uthi, “Qaphela izimpawu ezisobala zokungahloniphi, njengamazwana alulazayo afihlwe amahlaya (Isibonelo, ukubiza umlingani wakho ngokuthi “ibhola neketango”). Ukunganaki noma ukubukela phansi izintandokazi zomlingani wakho noma ukubukela phansi lokho abakukhathalelayo kungase kube uphawu lombango wezikhundla oyisisekelo.”

5. Uthando seluphelile empilweni yakho

Anikhumbuli ukuthi nenzelana nini okuthile okukhethekile? Noma waphuma ebusuku? Noma nisanda kuchitha ubusuku obupholile ndawonye, ​​bembozwe ngengubo, bexoxa futhi behleka? Esikhundleni salokho, ingabe wena nomlingani wakho nigcina nixabana ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, imisebenzi, nezibopho?

Usufinyelele kulesi sigaba sombango wamandla ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokuhoxa njalo, ukugwema, ukuqhelelana, kanye nokwelashwa buthule. Wena, umlingani wakho, noma nobabili seninethezekile ekungaxoxini noma ukusebenzelana ukuze nigweme ukulimala nentukuthelo ngakho-ke, izinga lokusondelana ebudlelwaneni benu lithathe izintambo. Lawa maphethini ayizimpawu zesigaba somzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni esesikhishwe isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ngaphandle uma uthatha izinyathelo ezinengqondo zokuphuma kukho ngokwephula ngokucophelela amaphethini ayinkinga futhi usebenzele ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana, ubuhlobo benu buzoqhubeka buwohloka.

6. Awukwazi ukwamukela ngisho nokuhluka okuncane kakhulu

Uma ubudlelwano bufinyelela eqophelweni lapho ngisho nokungafani okuncane kakhulu kuyinselele ukwamukela, ngokuvamile kubonisa izindaba ezijulile ezingase zibe nomthelela emzabalazweni wezikhundla. Lokhu kungase kusuke ku-a isifiso sokulawula, ukwesaba ushintsho, noma isidingo sokuthi izinto zivumelane nokulindela okuthile.

UDhriti uthi, “Uma kunokungamukeleki okuqhubekayo kokungaboni ngaso linye komlingani wakho, kanye nokulindela ukuba bavumelane nalokho okuthandayo, kungase kubonise umbango wezikhundla.

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7. Awukwazi ukuyekethisa kunoma yini

Iphethini yokungakwazi ukuyekethisa kunoma yini - ngisho nokwenza izinqumo ezivamile - ngaphakathi kobudlelwano kungaba ifulegi elibomvu elibalulekile, elibonisa izinselele ezingaba khona ku-dynamics phakathi kozakwethu. Kubonisa umqondo oqinile, ophakamisa umbango wamandla phakathi kobudlelwano. Lokhu kuqina kungabangelwa isifiso sokulawula, ukungabi nozwelo ebudlelwaneni, noma ukungafuni ukucabangela imibono ehlukile.

“Embangweni wezikhundla, ukuvumelana kungase kubonakale kungenakwenzeka ngoba bobabili abalingani banomuzwa wokuthi badela okuthile okubalulekile.” Bheka izimpawu zokucabanga okuphelele, lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abantu bethatha indlela yokusho konke noma lutho, bavimbele ikhono lokuthola into efanayo,” kusho uDhriti.

8. Ukukhulumisana okunempilo sekuphenduke inkumbulo ekude

Ukuwohloka kokuxhumana kuwuphawu olubalulekile lokuzabalaza kwamandla ebudlelwaneni, okubonisa ukuwohloka ekushintshisaneni ngolwazi, imizwa, nokuqondana phakathi kwabalingani. Ozakwethu bayakugwema ukuxoxa ngezindaba ezibalulekile noma bahlehlele ekuthuleni. Ukugwema kungaba yindlela yokuvimbela ukungqubuzana, kodwa esimweni sombango wamandla, ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kubonisa ukungabaza ukuzibandakanya ekukhulumisaneni okukhululekile nokubhekana nezinkinga eziwumsuka.

9. Nivame ukudelela imingcele yomunye nomunye

Esimweni sombango wamandla ebudlelwaneni, ukunganakwa kwemingcele kungaba nomthelela omkhulu phakathi kozakwethu. Kusikisela ukuntula inhlonipho okuyisisekelo phakathi kobudlelwano. Ukwephulwa kwemingcele okuvamisile kungase futhi kuxhunywe nokuphazamiseka kokuxhumana. Ozakwethu bangase bathwale kanzima ukuveza izidingo zabo kanye nabakulindele ngokucacile, okuholela ekungaqondini nasekuphuleni umthetho okuphindaphindiwe.

Ukwephulwa kwemingcele efanayo kungaqinisa umzabalazo wamandla phakathi kobudlelwano. Izenzo zomlingani ngamunye zingaqhutshwa isifiso sokulawula noma ukungabaza ukuvuma ukuzimela komunye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukunganakwa okuqhubekayo kwemingcele kungase kuholele ekukhuleni kwentukuthelo. Kungaba khona indelelo ebudlelwaneni bakho lapho bobabili abalingani bengase babe nemizwa engemihle, okunomthelela esimweni somzwelo esinobuthi esithiya impilo yonke yobudlelwano.

Ungawunqoba Kanjani Umshikashika Wamandla Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuzama ukumisa umbango wezikhundla ebudlelwaneni akulula. Kudinga umsebenzi oqaphelayo ovela kubo bobabili ozakwethu ukuze baphule amaphethini obudlelwano obungenampilo futhi esikhundleni sawo benze izinqubo ezinempilo. Kodwa uma uzibophezele ekwenzeni umsebenzi, ungafunda mayelana nokusetshenziswa kahle kwamandla ebuhlotsheni. UDhriti uncoma lezi zinyathelo ezi-5 zokuthi ungawuqeda kanjani umzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni futhi wakhe ukuxhumana okuphelele:

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1. Vuma umzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni

Umzabalazo wamandla ekuqaleni kobudlelwane awunakugwenywa. Izibangeli ezintsha zingase ziphinde zingenise imibango yamandla ebuhlotsheni. Njenganoma iyiphi inkinga yobudlelwano, isinyathelo sokuqala sokuphulukisa kanye nokususa umzabalazo wamandla owedlule ukuvuma ukuthi ubhekene nakho. Lokhu kudinga ukupela inkinga.

UDhriti uyeluleka, “Qala ngokuhlolisisa bese uzibuza ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho enamandla noma ithonya elithile kukwenza ungakhululeki. Ukubona nokuqonda ukwesaba kwakho kungani uzizwa ungalondekile kubalulekile ukubhekana nezimbangela zombango wezikhundla.”

2. Nqoba izinkinga zokuxhumana

Udinga ukunqoba izithiyo zokuxhumana ukuze udlule esigabeni somzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni bakho. Isihluthulelo sanoma yikuphi ukubambisana okunempilo nokunokulinganisela ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokwethembeka. Lokhu kusho ukufunda ubuciko bokuxhumana ngendlela enembile obukuvumela ukuthi nenze obala inhliziyo yakho komunye nomunye ngaphandle kokuthinta noma yimiphi imizwa eluhlaza. Lokhu kungasiza ozakwethu ukuthi bavuselele ukuxhumana okuqinile ababekuzwa ekuqaleni kobudlelwano. Ukwakhela phezu kwalokhu kuxhumana kuvula indlela eya phambili yokusondelana okunempilo ngaphandle kwanoma yimuphi umzabalazo wamandla.

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3. Qeda izingxabano ezingapheli

Ukuba nezimpi ezifanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe kungakushiya uvaleleke emaphethini alimazayo. Lawa maphethini abe esebhebhethekisa ukungavikeleki okungokwemvelo, ukwesaba, noma ukukhathazeka okubangela umbango wamandla ebudlelwaneni. Yingakho ukuqeda izingxabano eziphindelelayo nokuvimbela ukwanda kwezinkinga kubalulekile.

"Lapho yonke ingxoxo iphenduka ingxabano, kubalulekile ukuqaphela lapho imizwa ikhuphukela ezingeni elingakhiqizi. Uma kudingeka, thatha isikhashana ukuze wehlise umoya futhi uthole umbono. Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze uzihlole, uhlole imizwa yakho kanye nalokho okulindele. Ngemva kokuthatha isinyathelo emuva, qalisa kabusha izingxoxo lapho bobabili abalingani bezolile. Sondela engxoxweni ugxile ekuqondeni imibono yomunye kunokuwina ingxabano. Ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kuhlanganisa ukulalela okugcwele kanye nokuzimisela ukuthola izinto esivumelana ngazo,” kusho u-Dhriti mayelana nendlela yokudlula esigabeni somzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni.

4. Ungadlali ikhadi lesisulu

Uma uzizwa ucindezelwe, uhlazekile, noma ujeziswa umlingani wakho, kungokwemvelo ukuthi umuzwa wokuba isisulu ungene ngaphakathi. Nguwe ophucwa inkululeko yakhe. Okwenziwa ukuthi azizwe enecala ngakho konke okungalungile ebudlelwaneni. Lowo okumele athwale ubunzima bokubhoka ngolaka. Ngaphambi kokufaka idemoni kumlingani wakho engqondweni yakho, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uhlole ukuthi kunjalo ngempela yini.

Ingabe ubulokhu ubamba iqhaza ungahlosile esigabeni sombango wezikhundla ekudaleni a ubudlelwane obunobuthi? Ingabe ngandlela-thile uveza ukwesaba kwakho kumlingani wakho? Ingabe lokho kwenza ukuguquguquka kobudlelwane kube nzima kakhulu? Ukuze unqobe isigaba somzabalazo wamandla ebudlelwaneni bakho, udinga ukubheka isibalo sakho ngombono omusha.

5. Yamukela futhi wamukele ukungezwani kwakho

Abekho abantu ababili abafanayo. Futhi akuzona okuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kokuphila, imibono, kanye nemibono yabo. Kodwa-ke, lapho lokhu kuhlukana kuba umthombo wokungqubuzana, akekho ozakwethu ongaba umuntu wakhe wangempela ebudlelwaneni. Bese, njengendlela yokuzivikela, bobabili baqala ukusebenzela ekuhlanganiseni amandla. Ngethemba lokuthi ikhono lokufaka isicelo ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo ngokumelene nomunye kuzobanika ithuba lokuba yilokho abafuna ukuba yikho.

Le ndlela ivamise ukufakazela ukuthi ayikhiqizi kahle, ishiya bobabili abalingani bebanjwe esigabeni sombango wamandla ogxilile ebudlelwaneni. Indlela ebonakala ilula - nakuba kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza - indlela yokubhekana nalokhu iwukusebenza ngenkuthalo ukwamukela nokwamukela ukungezwani komunye nomunye.

U-Dhriti uthi, “Qonda ukuthi ukungaboni ngaso linye komlingani wakho nawe akulona usongo ebuhlotsheni.

Ukunqoba umzabalazo wamandla emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni akulula. Akwenzeki ngokuphazima kweso. Futhi ayikho inkinobho yomlingo engasetha kabusha ama-dynamics ambalwa abe imodi ekahle. Kufanele uzinikele ekwenzeni imizamo eqotho, usuku nosuku, ukuze udlule esigabeni somzabalazo wamandla ebuhlotsheni.

Uma lokho kuyinto obunenkinga nayo, cabanga ukukhuluma nochwepheshe bayo Iphaneli yeBonobology noma umelaphi onelayisensi eduze nawe. Ukusebenza nochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe kungakunikeza ukucaciseleka mayelana namaphethini akho okuziphatha kanye nezimbangela ezicashile futhi ekugcineni kumise umbango wamandla ebuhlotsheni. I Indlela kaJohn Gottman futhi iyinsiza enhle kakhulu yokubhekana nemibango yezikhundla.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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