He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakaipoipo wahine?

I taku tūtakitanga ki a Cal, me i pānui au i tētahi pukapuka ko te taitara He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi? I mōhio ahau ki te ingoa o Cal he tangata 'tukituki-ā-oma'. Kāore ia i kitea anō me te wahine kotahi i ngā wā e rua. Heoi anō, nā Hollywood ahau i whakapono ai ka taea te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata kaitapere wahine, ā, ka 'whakarerekē' i a ia. Kāore au e hiahia ki te kōrero anō i te kōrero pouri mō tana whakarērea i ahau i muri i ngā marama e toru.

Ka rongo koe i te kupu 'kaitākaro wahine' me ngā whakaahua o ngā kaiwhakaari katoa i takaro i a James Bond, ngā tāne rānei he motuka papai me te kauae tapawhā ka puta ake ki te hinengaro. He rongonui rātou mō tō rātou kore whakapau kaha. Heoi, he kaha ki te ātete. Engari he aha te hinengaro o te kaitākaro wahine? Koinei tētahi o ngā pātai ruarua ka arohia e mātou i tēnei wāhi me te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto. 

He aha te tikanga o te noho hei tangata whakahihi?

I mua i tā tātou ruku ki ngā pātai – He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakaipoipo wahine? he aha te mea hei mahi ina he hoa wahine koe? – me tūhura tātou i te kupu tonu. Ko te tikanga o te kupu 'wahine whakahihi' i te tīmatanga ko 'te hanga i tētahi mea kia wahine'. Kāore i te tino mārama te pūtake mai o te tikanga o nāianei o te kupu. Tākuta Bhonsle e whakamārama ana i te kupu penei:

• Ko te tangata whakahāwea wahine he tangata he maha āna hononga noa ki ngā wāhine, ā, kāore e mutu i mua i te tīmatanga o te hononga e whai ake nei. 
• Ka puta te whakaaro hē he motuhake ia ki tētahi, engari kāore ia e motuhake ki tētahi
• Kāore tonu i te mārama te āhua o te whanaungatanga
• He momo whakamātautau pea tēnei whanonga i te aroha i mua i tana mōhio he aha te aroha tuturu.
• E whakaaro ana ia ki ngā wāhine he taonga whakapaipai e whakamere ana mō tētahi wā poto noa iho. Ka neke atu ia ina tae mai tētahi atu e kanapa ake ana.
• He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi? He aha te mea e whakama ai rātou? Kei te tangata tonu. Ka whakama ētahi o ngā tāngata whakahihi, ko ētahi ia he ngāwari ki te neke atu i taua whakama mā te tiaki i ā rātou mahi.

Whakaarohia a Barney Stinson mai i Me pehea taku tutaki ki to whaea. Ehara i te mea ko ia anake te tangata i tuhi pukapuka takaro. Kua rongo koe mō Neil Strauss rāua ko Daryush Valizadeh? Kī tonu te ipurangi i ngā kaiako whakaipoipo e kī ana he kaiako whakaipoipo rātou. He maha o ēnei kaitoi whakaipoipo e tuku ana i ngā awheawhe, e tuhi ana hoki i ngā pukapuka tino whakahihi ki ngā wāhine e whakaako ana me pēhea te whakawai i ngā wāhine hei ngahau noa iho. 

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He maha ngā tāngata whakahihi wahine e whakamahi ana i ngā tikanga tinihanga rite tonu hei kukume i te tini o ngā wāhine e taea ana e rātou. Engari ina pōuri rātou, he mea onge tēnei, ka taea e rātou te tino tinihanga. Tērā pea kei te whakatenatena a Hollywood i a koe kia rapu i te utu pai rawa atu mō te tangata whakahihi wahine. Engari ka moumou taima noa iho koe i ngā kēmu hinengaro. He pai ake te tū atu ki a ia, te neke atu rānei.

He aha te take e hiahia ai te tāne ki te wahine?

He rerekē ki te whakapono rongonui, ehara i te mea ko te taatai ​​anake te kaupapa a te hunga whakahihi i te wahine. Ko te hiahia ki te mana te mea nui rawa atu i roto i tā rātou rārangi. Ko te hiahia o te hunga whakahihi i te wahine kia whakahaere i ō rātou kare ā-roto, me ōu kare ā-roto hoki i ngā wā katoa. Nō reira, ka whakapau kaha rātou ki te miharo i a koe. He koha, he ataahua, he hae, he aha atu anō ngā mea whakahihiri. Anei ētahi take e pērā ai rātou:

1. Ngā āhua whakahihi

He mea anō rānei te mate hinengaro wahine? I pātai mātou ki a Tākuta Bhonsle. E whakakahore ana ia i te noho o te mate hinengaro wahine, ā, e mea ana, "He mea kore tika te whakaahua i tētahi whanonga hei tohu o tētahi mate hinengaro me te kore he tātaritanga haumanu tika. Engari i te nuinga o te wā, he āhuatanga whakapehapeha tō te wahine. E whakaaro ana te hunga whakapehapeha he mea nui ake ā rātou hiahia i ētahi atu." Ko te whakautu ki te pātai – He aha te ngoikore o te wahine? – kei roto i tēnei āhuatanga.

Hei tāna anō, "He maha ā rātou whakapono he tino rangatira rātou, nō reira, me whai mana motuhake rātou. Mā tēnei ka taea e rātou te whakaaro ki ētahi atu tāngata he taputapu hei tākaro mā rātou." rangahau kua kī mai mō te hunga whakahihi, he rite te aroha ki te tākaro i tētahi kēmu. Kia mōhio rātou e hiahia ana koe ki a rātou, me te mea kua toa rātou i te pakanga. Te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata whakahihi he mea mamae pea, nā te mea ka mutu te harikoa, ka neke atu rātou ki te wikitoria e whai ake nei. 

2. Ngā take o te tamarikitanga

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Tērā pea he tauira i te kāinga kua uru ki tēnei whanonga i mua. Mēnā rānei ka arahina rātou ki te whakapono koinei anake te huarahi ki te rapu i te aroha, ā, ko tētahi atu huarahi ka arahi ki te mamae. Nō reira ka noho tēnei hei rautaki whakatau i te raruraru. Ka taea hoki e ngā take whakawhirinaki te arahi i te tangata ki te uru atu ki tētahi mea noa, nā te mea e kitea ana e rātou he mea ka taea te whakahaere i te mea he ahua nui rawa te raruraru mō te wā roa."

Ka puta pea te whara tinana, te whara hinengaro rānei i te tamarikitanga i ngā tau o muri mai hei uauatanga ki te whakapau kaha. Tērā pea ka hoki mai anō te whara mau tonu hei momo āpitihanga koretake i te pakeketanga. Tērā pea he uaua ki a ia te noho piripono, engari kāore pea tēnei whanonga e pumau tonu. Ka arahi tēnei ki te whakapono ka taea te 'whakarerekē' i te tangata whakahihi, ā, he mea whakakatakata ka arahi atu ki ētahi atu mamae o te ngākau.

3. Te whakaaro whakakake mō te tānetanga

I pātai atu ahau ki a Tākuta Bhonsle: He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi wahine? Ka tīmata ia mā te whakamārama i te pānga o te whakahihi tāne ki te hinengaro o te tangata whakahihi wahine. E mea ana ia, "Whakaarohia te hokohoko o te whakahihi tāne, pērā i roto i tētahi raupapa pouaka whakaata pērā i Te whakamaaratanga"Ki te whakaaro tetahi tangata he mea e hiahiatia ana tētahi momo noho i muri i te awe o te tāne nui i roto i ngā pāpāho rongonui, ka taea e ia te tango i taua momo noho. Engari kāore pea tēnā e pai ki te hunga e karapoti ana i a rātou nā te mea kāore tēnei momo tāne i te aro nui." 

E mea ana anō ia, "Kua whakapūmautia te tānetanga nui hei huarahi whakaatu i te tānetanga. Ina tīmata te nui o te iwi ki te whakapono ki tēnei mea, ka noho hei wāhanga o te whāriki pāpori-ahurea. Ka tukuna he whakaora ki ngā tāne e kite ana i ētahi atu tāne e mahi ana i ngā mahi tino kaha. Ka tīmata rātou ki te whakauru i tēnā ki roto, ka uru ki aua whanonga kia rite ai te āhua." 

Nō reira, mā te nui ake o ngā hoa wahine ka nui ake te whakaaro o te tāne ki te tāne. rangahau e kī ana hoki he nui ake ngā hoa tāne e kōrero ana mō te hunga takatāpui i ngā wāhine. E kīia ana tēnei e ngā kairangahau he 'whakarite rūpahu' nā te hiahia ki te whai i ngā tikanga ira tangata.

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4. Te hiahia mō te taatai

He mea noa te hiahia mō te taatai. Engari tohunga hinengaro e kī ana he hiahia tāne ki te moe tahi me 'ngā wāhine rerekē'. Ka kiia tēnei ko te Pānga Coolidge, ā, kua whakamanahia e rangahauE kī ana te ariā whanaketanga, ko te hiahia ki te whānau tamariki he maha ngā wāhine i ahu mai pea i te hiahia ki te whānau tamariki. Heoi anō, he hē tonu te tinihanga i ngā wāhine mō te hiahia noa ki te moepuku.

He aha ngā ngoikoretanga o te tangata whakaipoipo wahine?

Ka pōuri te ngākau o te hunga whakahihi i te wahine? I ētahi wā, i ētahi wā kāore. Heoi, ki te mea kei te rapu tonu koe i te utu pai mō te tangata whakahihi i te wahine, me hurahia te hinengaro o te tangata whakahihi i te wahine. Nā, he aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi i te wahine mēnā he tangata whakapehapeha ia? Ko ngā mea katoa e whakakorikori ana i tana whakaaro mō te whakapehapeha i a ia anō ka whakararuraru i a ia. Anei ōna ngoikoretanga:

1. Te kore aro o te wahine

Ki te mea he kēmu mā te hunga whakahihi i te wahine te mea kia aroha ki a rātou, ko te kore e arohia mai e te wahine he rite ki te hinganga i taua kēmu. Ki te mōhio koe he tangata whakahihi te tāne, kaua e aro ki a ia. Me kī kāore ia e kitea. Ka ngokingoki ia i roto i tōna kiri i roto i ngā meneti. 

2. Te aro ki tētahi atu tāne

He hae te āhua o te hunga whakahihi. He uaua ki a rātou te maioha ki ētahi atu tāngata, inā koa ko te hunga e whakaarohia ana e rātou he whakataetae. Ko te whakaatu i te aro kitea ki tētahi atu tāne tētahi o ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei hopukia tōna aro ina kore ia e aro ki a koeKa nui ake tō whakaute i tētahi atu tangata, ka nui ake tōna riri.

3. Te wehi kei kitea

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te wehi kei kitea te tangata, me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te tangata i mua i te hapori, tētahi o ō rātou wehi nui. He rerekē rawa tēnei ki ngā mea katoa e hiahiatia ana e rātou." Ka mahi ngā wāhine i runga i te whakamana i riro mai i te katoa. Ki te kitea rātou i roto i tētahi āhuatanga kāore ō rātou hoa, whānau rānei e kōrero ana ki a rātou nā ō rātou whanonga, tera pea ka pouri rātou.

8 Ngā Huakore o te Noho hei Wahine-ā-Wāhine

Ahakoa e moemoeā ana ngā tāne katoa kia karangatia rātou he Casanova, he pai rānei te noho hei tangata whakahihi i te wahine? Kāore. He pai te hiahia ki te whai hononga moepuku noa, ā, he pai hoki, engari me teka ā-tauira kia whiwhi ai koe i te moepuku kia 'whakaaro' ai koe he tāne koe? Kāore rawa. Tae noa ki tēnei rā, he koretake te noho hei tangata whakahihi i te wahine, engari ko te noho hei tangata whakahihi i te wahine ka pā kino ki taua tāne i ēnei huarahi e whai ake nei: 

1. Teitei rangitahi

Kairangahau o te Pānga Coolidge i kitea ko te hiahia mō te taatai ​​i roto i te tāne i heke iho i te wā i tukuna ai ki a ia te hoa kotahi anake. Hei tāpiri, ko te harikoa o te wahine kairau kei te wikitoria ngā kēmu hinengaro i roto i te whanaungatanga, ehara i te moepuku. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Kāore rātou e noho roa i roto i te whanaungatanga kia kite ai i te wāhi e taea ai e rātou te tau. He raupapa o ngā ahuareka poto noa iho tō rātou oranga." He rerekē ki te aroha, e whakarato ana i te makona mo te wa roa i roto i te whanaungatanga pumau, ko te moepuku ka taea anake te whakarato i ngā pānga rite ki te whakamahi i ngā matū me te makona mo te wa poto.

2. Te pehi i te kare ā-roto

He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi? E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "I ētahi wā, ka pehia e te hunga whakahihi ō rātou hiahia ki te wheako i ngā kare ā-roto nā te mea kāore e taea e rātou te mahi i tētahi atu mea pai ake. Kei roto rātou i tētahi porowhita i hangaia e rātou anō. I ētahi wā, kāore rātou e pehi i ngā kare ā-roto me te mōhio, he mea koretake. Kua roa rātou e mahi ana i tēnei, kāore rātou e mōhio ki tētahi atu huarahi. Nō reira, kei te tūpato tonu rātou." Ko te pehi i ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata ehara i te mea ka arahi noa ki ngā mate hauora tinana e tautokona ana e rangahau engari ka waihanga hoki i te whara mau tonu e aukati ai i te whakaoranga me te whakaputa raruraru ki te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō.

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3. Ngā take whakaaro nui ki a koe anō

Ka taea e koe te mārama ki te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi i roto i te hinengaro o te tangata whakahihi. Pērā i te tangata whakahihi, ko tō rātou whakaaro mō rātou anō i ahu mai i ngā whakaaro o ētahi atu mō rātou. Nō reira, ka ngana rātou ki te whakahaere i ngā whakaaro mō rātou. Ko te tikanga, koinei te huarahi ki te whakatutuki i tō rātou ngākau māhaki ki ētahi atu. Ko tō rātou whakawhirinaki tonu ki te whakamanatanga tētahi o ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe. tumanakohia ina aroha koe ki tētahi tāne he iti nei tōna whakaaro ki a ia anō.

4. He moemoeā mokemoke

Ki te mahara koe ki te kiriata, Tuhinga o mua, e mōhio ana koe ki taku e kōrero nei. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "I muri i ētahi wā, ka tino iti ō whiringa. Tērā pea ka rite ki te mea kua whakapotohia e koe tō kaha ki te wheako i tētahi mea hohonu me te pono. He rangitahi noa iho ngā mea katoa, ā, he tere rawa te tere, kāore he wā ki te whakatuwhera i tō ngākau. Ā, ina rite koe mō te hoa, tera pea he uaua ki a koe te whiwhi i tēnā."

Kia mutu ngā pāti katoa, kua peia ngā hoa, ā, kua riro atu tā rātou wikitoria whakamutunga i muri i te kitenga i a rātou e takaro ana ki tētahi atu, kei te mokemoke ngā kaitātari wahine? Ae. Ā, ka kino ake te ahua o te mate inu. Koia te take, ki te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi kaitātari wahine, ka kite koe kei te mahi tonu rātou i tētahi mea. Ko te nuinga he mea hei whakangawari i a rātou anō i te mokemoke. 

5. Te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki

Ina tae te rongo ki ngā tiriti mō te tangata e puremu ana ki te wahine, ka uaua ki a rātou te kimi hoa. He uaua ki ngā wāhine te whakawhirinaki ki a rātou ahakoa mō ngā mea noa iho. Ka tirotirohia tonutia rātou. He pono he ātaahua ngā wāhine ki ngā puremu, engari kāore hoki rātou e aro ki ā rātou mahi puremu. Ka uaua ake tēnei mena ka uru te puremu ki tētahi whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te whakapae tonu tā rātou hoa kei te moe tāne rātou.

6. Te ngaronga o te whakaute

Ko tētahi atu hua o te rongonga o te tangata e mahi ana hei kaiwhai wahine, ka ngaro tonu te whakaute o te katoa. Ā, koinei te ngoikore o te tangata mahi hei kaiwhai wahine. He tinihanga te kōrero teka mō te aroha hei whiwhi i te moepuku, ā, kāore he tangata e tika ana kia pērā. Tērā pea ka pehia e rātou tō rātou hara i ētahi atu mā te neke atu ki ētahi atu mea hei whakararuraru. Heoi, ki te kore he mea hei whakararuraru, ka uaua pea te pehi i tēnei hara, ā, ka tino mamae hoki.

7. Nga take hauora hinengaro

Ka pōuri rānei te hunga e hiahia ana ki ngā wāhine? Kāore pea i muri i te tīmatanga o te wikitoria, engari mō te wā roa rawa atu. rangahau kua whakaarohia ko te whai hoa moepuku maha ka arahi pea ki te manukanuka, te pouri, me te whakamahi kino i ngā matū. E whakaaro ana te rangahau ko 'te āhua o ngā whanaungatanga kore-whaiaro' tētahi o ngā take mō tēnei kitenga.

8. Whare Kāri

Ko te ngoikoretanga kino rawa atu o te noho hei tangata whakaipoipo wahine, ahakoa kei te ahua kei te wikitoria koe i ia hononga, he whare kāri noa iho. Ka mahue koe kāore he whanaungatanga pono, he whanaungatanga pumau hoki. he aha te whanaungatanga ki te tangata wahine rānei. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, ka ngaro i a koe te kaha ki te kimi, ki te pupuri rānei i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha. 

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ahakoa ka kitea e koe te tangata tika, he aha ngā tūponotanga kāore koe e taka ki te whakamatautauranga o te mahi i ngā nekehanga i tino pai ai koe mō te wā roa? Ahakoa kei te piri tahi koe me tētahi tangata whakamiharo, me pēhea koe e mōhio ai ki tēnā? Kāore koe e hiahia ki te hoatu i te wā nui ki te whanaungatanga kia kitea ai."

Hei whakamutunga, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe "He aha te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi?" kia utua ai rātou mō ā rātou 'hara', he torutoru ngā whakaaro a Tākuta Bhonsle. "I te ao tūturu, ko te whiu i tētahi mō te mamae o te ngākau ka arahi ki ngā pānga pāpori me ngā pānga ture. Ka huri te tangata ina rite rātou ki te huri. Kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere i te wā pai mō tētahi ki te huri nā te mea he watea ki a koe." 

"Ki te hiahia tetahi ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata e hiahia ana ki te wahine, me paunatia e ia ngā painga me ngā huakore. Ki te pai ki a ia te whanaungatanga noa, kāti he pai katoa. Engari tera pea ka pā te mamae o te ngākau, nō reira me maumahara ki tēnā."

Mō te tangata whakahāwea wahine e pātai ana, "He pai te noho hei whakahāwea wahine?", ā, e hiahia ana ki te huri, e kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Me whakamātau rātou i te rongoā hinengaro. Nā te mea he mea nui kia rangahauhia te mea i whiriwhiri ai rātou i tēnei momo noho. Kia mārama rātou ki te take i whiriwhiri ai rātou i taua kōwhiringa, ka māmā ake te āwhina i a rātou. Me whakatau rātou kua ranea ā rātou." 

He mokemoke ngā tāngata whakahihi wahine? Tērā pea. Nō reira, ki te mea kei roto koe i ngā pātai ōrite, ā, me whai arataki koe, ko Bonobology's he rōpū kaitohutohu me ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro mohio, whai wheako hoki Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe. Kāore anō kia roa rawa te wā ki te tiki āwhina.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.