"Ka puta te mate i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina kore te iwi e pai ki te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi mō ō rātou kare ā-roto." - Shakti Gawain
E mōhiotia ana kāore e taea e tātou te tangata te ora i roto i te wairua, te hinengaro me te tinana. Nō reira, ko te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga he wāhanga o te oranga. Koinei pea te take he tokomaha te hunga e whiriwhiri ana ki te noho tahi me ā rātou hoa ahakoa kāore rātou i te harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Ahakoa he mea nui ngā whanaungatanga ki te wheako katoa i te ao, he onge te ngāwari o te puta. Ahakoa ngā whanaungatanga tino kaha, ka pāngia koe e ngā wero. Ahakoa he poto noa, he roa rānei ēnei wero, ka waiho pea koe kia pōuri i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ā, he mea noa iho tēnā. Ka pāngia te tokorua e te kore harikoa i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga i tētahi wā.
Ko te pātai me pātai e koe ko tēnei: me aha koe ina kore e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Ko te mea tuatahi, kaua e noho roa ki aua kare ā-roto, engari me tirotiro pai. Kāore he whanaungatanga hauora e hangaia mā te aro nui ki ngā mea o mua, engari mā te mahi ki te waihanga i tētahi huarahi whai tikanga ki waho. Ā, me pēhea te mahi i tēnā? Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te rapu i tēnā.
He aha tāu e mahi ai ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Me aha koe ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakatau i te pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te tautuhi i ngā take e whakaoho ana i taua pouri. Whakaarohia ō whakaaro, ka ngana ki te arotahi ki ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe. He maha ngā take e puta ai te pouri, ki te puritia e koe anake ka arahi noa ki te mamae, te pakanga, te kino me te pouri.
I te hapu a Roseline rāua ko Adam i tā rāua tamaiti tuatahi, ā, nā te haputanga i ara ake ai he maha ngā take kāore anō kia mōhiotia e rāua i mua. Hei tauira, i tino mōhio a Roseline ki te iti o te mahi a Adam i te kāinga nā te pukumahi o ana hāora mahi. I ngaro ia i ngā wā tirotiro a te tākuta, kāore i kitea he wā hei tiaki i a ia, kāore hoki i ngana ki te whakamama i tana kawenga, ā, ka waiho a Roseline kia pouri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i a ia e hapu ana.
"Ahakoa he maha ngā mahi a Adam i akiaki i ahau ki te hinga i te pakitara, i whiriwhiria e au kia kaua e aro atu ki aua mahi. Tāpirihia ki te ranunga te rere o ngā homoni, ā, i tētahi rā ka pakaru mai te manukanuka me te pouri i puritia. I pā mai he raruraru nui ki ahau, ā, i hiahia ahau ki te haere atu. Heoi, i noho marino a Adam, ā, i akiaki i ahau kia whakapuaki i ōku kare ā-roto. I te wā i mōhio ai mātou ki te take matua, ka māmā ake te kimi i tētahi otinga," tana kī.
Ki te mea kei te pouri koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga engari kei roto i te aroha, ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro koe, "Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari e aroha ana ahau ki a ia. Me aha ahau?", kia mōhio koe kāore he mea e kore e taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono me te mārama te whakaoti.
He mea whakamataku pea engari he mea tika. Te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga Ko te taahiraa tuatahi tēnei ki te aro atu ki te pouri e raru ana koe. Ina rongo koe kei te pouri koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, tera pea ka riri, ka mamae rānei tō hoa. Heoi, ko te kore e whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto pono he rite ki te tinihanga ki tō hoa.
Kia kore ai tēnei whaki e waiho i tō hoa kia māharahara mō te heke mai, ka taea e koe te whakamanawa atu ki a rātou ko te whāinga he mahi ki te whakapai ake i te whanaungatanga, ehara i te tohu mō te whakangaromanga o tō kōrua hononga. Hei tauira, ki te mea kei te wā "kāore koe i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari kāore au e hiahia ki te wehe", ka taea e koe te kī atu ki tō hoa, kātahi ka mahi tahi ki te rapu otinga.
Hei whakamutunga, tirohia ngā kōwhiringa katoa e wātea ana hei whakapai ake, whakaarohia ngā mea ki te tirohanga whānui, ā, whakatau. I tētahi atu taha, ki te kore koe e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga engari e mataku ana koe ki te noho mokemoke, he mea tika kia arotakehia anō e koe mēnā kei te kite pono koe i tētahi heke mai me tō hoa. Ko te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mō ngā take hē he maha ngā wā ka nui ake te kino i te wā roa atu i te mamae o te wehenga. Ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, kino rānei, ko te wehe atu pea koinei anake te huarahi hei whakahoki mai i tō harikoa.
Ko kōrua anake ko tō hoa rangatira ka whakatau mēnā he pai te whakaora i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Mēnā kei te whakaaro koe kei te noho tonu ngā kare ā-roto o te aroha, te whakawhirinaki me te whakaute, engari kua taupokina e te pouri poto i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā huarahi hei whakapai ake i tētahi whanaungatanga pouri.
Te pānui e pā ana: Me noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi marena pouri me ngā tamariki?
7 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakapai Ake I Te Hononga Pōuri
I ēnei rā, e whakapono ana tātou he mea kore e taea te whakarere i te tangata. Koia te take i te wā ka tīmata tātou te pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka pōuri pea tātou. Me aha tātou ina pouri tātou i roto i te whanaungatanga? He pai ake te wehe atu, ka neke atu? Me noho tonu rānei koe, ka mahi ki te whakapai ake i te kounga o tō whanaungatanga? Ka taea e koe te hoki atu i te kore pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te harikoa anō? Tērā pea ka tīmata ngā pātai pēnei ki te taumaha i roto i tō hinengaro.
Heoi, kotahi te pātai nui e warewarehia ana: he aha te mea e kore ai e pouri te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga? Whakaarohia, ā, ka kite koe ka tīmata koe ki te pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga ina aro katoa tō aro ki ngā mahi hē a tō hoa. Ina ngana rānei koe ki te whakarerekē i a rātou kia uru ai ki tō tirohanga mō te āhua o te hoa pai.
Ka taea e ēnei mea katoa te whakapoauau me te mamae, ka hua ake he whanaungatanga taupatupatu. Heoi, anei tētahi huarahi, ka taea e koe te whakarerekē i te whanonga o tō hoa mā te whakarerekē i tō huarahi. E whitu ngā huarahi ka kawea atu e mātou ki a koe hei whakapai ake i tō whanaungatanga. Nō reira, kati te whakaaro me aha koe ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, me whai tonu.
1. Kāore koe i te harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Hangaia he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua
Me aha koe ina kore e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? ngā raruraru whanaungatanga tino noa, ka taea hoki tēnei te whakatau mā te whakauru i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono, tuwhera hoki ki roto i tōu ao. Ngāna kia whai wā i ia rā ki te matapaki i ngā kaupapa hohonu ake, i ngā kaupapa whaiaro ake rānei.
Ko te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te pūtake o te pouri me te pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti. He mea tēnei e taea ai e koe te hono atu ki tēnā? He maha ngā wā ka whakaaro koe, "Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari kāore au e hiahia ki te wehe"? Kātahi, ngana ki te whakapakari i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Kia kaha ake te waea ataata, te tuku karere kuputuhi ki a rāua anō, me te tūhura i ngā huarahi me ngā taupānga hou hei pupuri i te mura o te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti.
Heoi, ehara te koretake o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te raruraru e pā ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti anake. Ahakoa he tata te tinana o kōrua ko tō hoa, ka mutu pea te noho tawhiti o te ngākau. He aha te mea e kore ai e harikoa te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga ahakoa te aroha me te noho tahi? He maha ngā wā ko te otinga ko te ngaro o te whakapā tetahi ki tetahi.
I taua wā, ka taea e koe te tīmata me ngā kōrero iti, me te pātai i ngā pātai e tika ana. Mēnā ka nui rawa ō āwangawanga me ō riri i te wā e hiahia ana rātou kia puta atu i te tatau, kāore e āwhina. Whakaharatauhia te whaikōrero whai hua mā te whakauru i tō hoa ki te kōrero mō ō rātou hiahia. Hei tīmatanga, mā te pātai mō tō rātou rā, mō ō rātou kare ā-roto rānei, ka āwhina i a rātou ki te whakatuwhera i ō rātou whakaaro. Ka taea e koe te neke atu ki ngā kōrero hohonu ake, ā, hei te mutunga, te kōrero ki a rātou kei te pouri koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga.
2. Whakaaetia ō rerekētanga mēnā kāore koe i te harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatanga
I tīmata te whanaungatanga o Becky rāua ko Terry i runga i te taumata tiketike. He rerekē tonu rāua, engari he kaha te hononga i waenganui i a rāua. Heoi, i te memeha haere o te wā marena hou, ka huri ngā rerekētanga i kitea e rāua he aroha hei take tautohetohe tonu.
"Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari e aroha ana ahau ki a ia. Me aha ahau? Kāore au i te mōhio me noho tahi tāua, ka pōuri tāua tetahi ki tetahi," tana whakaaro. Ko te mea pono, kāore e taea e te tangata tokorua te whai whakaaro ōrite. He whakaaro me ngā tirohanga anō ō tātou katoa mō ngā mea. Ki te tukua e koe ēnei rerekētanga, nui, iti rānei, kia nui atu i tō kōrua noho tahi, ka kitea tonutia e koe he take hei kore harikoa i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
Ka taea te wikitoria i tēnei arai noa mā te whakaae ki ō rerekētanga, me te kore e titiro ki aua mea hei whakararu i tō whanaungatanga. Mā te kōrero mō ō rerekētanga i roto i te wairua houhanga rongo ka āwhina i a koe whakatika i ngā whanaungatanga uauaTāutuhia, whakaaehia, ā, whakaaetia ēnei rerekētanga kia pai ake ai tō mārama tetahi ki tetahi. Ka mōhio koe ki te tukanga whakaaro i muri i te whakaaro o tō hoa ki tētahi ara, me pēhea rānei rāua i tae ai ki tētahi whakatau, ki tētahi whakaaro rānei mō tētahi mea.
Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakatika i tētahi Hononga Paitini – 21 Ngā Huarahi hei Whakaora Ngātahi
3. Me aha koe ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Whakaatuhia te whakawhetai i ia rā
He aha te mea e kore ai te tangata e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ki te tūhuratia ngā take e kore ai te tangata e harikoa ki ā rātou whanaungatanga, ka puta ake te whakaaro kāore koe e arohia, kāore rānei koe e whakaute i a koe hei kaupapa noa. Kei reira te whakautu ki te pātai me aha koe ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te whakaaro maioha he mea nui mō te whanaungatanga harikoa.
Me noho tēnei maioha hei huarahi e rua. He maha ngā wā ka kitea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he riri nā te mea ka tīmata ngā hoa tokorua ki te whakaaro kua noa iho rātou, ā, kāore e whakaae, e maioha rānei ki ngā mea iti e mahia ana e tētahi mā tētahi.
Kātahi, ahakoa te iti o te maioha e puta mai ana ki a rātou, ka tīmata te ahua kua roa e tika ana kia puta. Ki te kore koe, tō hoa rānei e harikoa ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ka taea te whakaiti i tēnei kare ā-roto mā te mahi kaha ki te whakaatu kei te kitea, kei te rangona, kei te whai uara tetahi ki tetahi.
Ahakoa he iti noa ngā mea e mihi ana ki tō hoa, ka whakatenatena i a rātou kia nui ake ā rātou mahi. Ka pai te urupare a te katoa ki ngā whakamoemiti. Kāore koe e mōhio kei te pouri pea rātou i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou kāore koe e maioha ki ā rātou mahi katoa māu. Ka taea e koe te tīmata iti engari kia maumahara kia rite tonu, he mahi o ia rā te whanaungatanga harikoa.
4. Me muru te hara tetahi i tetahi kia kore ai e pōuri te whanaungatanga
Hei tangata, he ngāwari tātou katoa ki te hē, kāore he tangata tino tika. Ko ētahi o ēnei hē, ahakoa kāore i te āta whakaarohia, ka pā kino pea ki te hononga o te tokorua, ka waiho koe kia kore e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka puta he kare ā-roto taupatupatu pēnei i te "Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari e aroha ana ahau ki a ia". Ā, kāore he aha!
Heoi, ki te hiahia koe ki te neke atu i tēnei āhua me te whakapakari i tō hononga, me whakaharatau koe te murunga hara i roto i te whanaungatangaWaiho ngā mauahara me ngā hapa o mua, kaua e manukanuka ki ngā mea iti, engari arotahi ki te tirohanga whānui. Ko te mea nui, ina murua ō hara, kaua e whakaara anō i ngā take tawhito. Ina koa kei te tautohetohe kaha kōrua.
Mā te murunga hara iti ka nui te painga mō te whakanui ake i te ngākau harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kua hē tō hoa, kōrero ki a ia me te kore e whakapae, e hamama, e kanga rānei. Kia marino, ā, āwhina i a ia kia mārama ki ō whakaaro mō te hē i mahia e ia.
5. Ako ki te whawhai pai ake
Kei te whakaaro koe me aha koe ina kore e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga? Whakaarohia tēnei tohutohu i te wā e taea ai! He wāhanga nui o te whanaungatanga ngā pakanga, ngā tautohetohe me ngā rerekētanga whakaaro. I ētahi wā, he pai ki te whakaae kia kaua e whakaae, kia neke atu hoki, nā te mea he pānga tika ngā pakanga ki te pai o tō whanaungatanga.
Ko tētahi o ngā mea ngaro hei whakamutu i te kore harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatanga ko te kaua e mataku i ngā pakanga me ngā rerekētanga, engari, arotahi ki te whakamahi i ngā tikanga whakatau pakanga hauora. I te nuinga o te wā, ka kite koe he nui ake te take i roto i tō hinengaro i tōna āhua tūturu.
E ai ki a Roseline, i a ia e pāngia ana e te kare o te harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga i a ia e hapu ana, i ako mai i tōna raruraru, ina kitea e koe te pūtake o te pakanga, ka taea e koe te kimi huarahi hei whakatau i taua raruraru, hei whakaora i a koe anō i te kare o te harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Hei whakamutunga, ko te mutunga iho he mea māmā noa iho: ehara i te mea ko ngā pakanga engari ko te āhua o tāu whawhai e hanga ana i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Whawhai tika, kia whai hua, ā, kia mahara ko te kaupapa o tētahi tautohetohe, o tētahi whakahē rānei, kia pai ake ai te whanaungatanga, kaua ko te whakahihi.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Hononga Hauora, Ngā Hononga Kino rānei – Ngā Āhuatanga 10
6. Whakatipuhia te oranga moepuku hei whakahoki mai i te harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatanga
Kei te pouri koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga engari kei te aroha koe ki tō hoa? Kua tae pea te wā ki te tirotiro anō i te āhua o ngā mea i roto i te rūma moe. Ko te kore moe tāne te take nui pea o te kore harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Kāore te moe tāne pai anake e hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pai engari ko te oranga moe tāne kino ka pā kino ki te hononga o te tokorua.
He maha ngā āhuatanga kino ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira e warewarehia ana, e hunaia ana hoki. Heoi anō, he pānga kino pea ēnei ki te whanaungatanga o te tokorua. Ina ngaro te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i te tokorua, ka piki ake te tere o te pakanga.
Ki te kitea e koe ko tō kōrero teka mō te moepuku te take o tō kore harikoa i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ka māmā ake te kimi huarahi hei whakatika. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te moe roa ki te rapu whakautu mō te aha me mahi ina kore koe e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaoho anō i te mura. Heoi, kia mahara he nui ake te mahi i tēnā i te whakanui noa i te wera i roto i te rūma moe. Hei whakapai ake i tō oranga moepuku, tīmata ki te haere ki ngā wā whakatā pērā i mua, te takaro tetahi ki tetahi, kia takaro me te pā atu tetahi ki tetahi i ngā wā katoa, haere ki te moenga i te wā kotahi, ā, waiho ō waea me ētahi atu taputapu ki muri. Ko te kaha moepuku he kaha ora, he mea nui kia mahi ki a ia kia mau tonu te mura.
7. Whakakotahitia ngā wheako hou
He aha te mea e kore ai e harikoa te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Kotahi te kupu mā mātou: te hoha. Ka uru te tangata ki tētahi tikanga ina tau te whanaungatanga. I te taenga mai o ngā mahi o ia rā, ka wareware ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te mahi i ngā mea e hari ai rātou, i ngā mea rānei i hono ai rātou i te tuatahi. Ka wareware koe ki tō haerenga mōrearea, ngā mea i hari ai, i whakahihiri ai.
Tērā pea ka puta ake ngā whakaaro pēnei i te mahi o ia rā, "Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari kāore au e hiahia ki te wehe". Ka ara ake pea ēnei whakaaro i ngā pātai maha atu i ngā whakautu. E kore e āwhina te pana atu i ngā kare ā-roto whakararuraru e kī ana ki a koe "Kāore au i te harikoa i roto i taku whanaungatanga engari e aroha ana ahau ki a ia". Engari, me whakaae ki a rātou, ā, me mahi ki te whakatika.
Ko tētahi huarahi ki te mahi i tēnei ko te maumahara ki ngā take i huihui ai kōrua, ngā mea i pai ai kōrua ki te mahi tahi i aua rā tuatahi o te whakaipoipo. Haunga ēnei haerenga ki muri, he mea nui anō hoki te kimi i ngā mahi hou, i ngā mahi rānei ka taea e kōrua te whai wāhi atu. Whakamaherehia, tūhuratia, me te wheako i ngā mahi hou. Ka āwhina i a kōrua kia kite i a kōrua i roto i tētahi tirohanga hou, kia whakaoho anō hoki i te aroha. Mā te pārekareka ki te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua ka nui ake te hononga me te kukume tetahi ki tetahi.
Ahakoa kua memeha te harikoa, ehara i te mea kua mutu te whanaungatanga. I waenganui i te pouri, he uaua ki te kite i te uara o tō whanaungatanga. He mea maori te hiahia ki te tākai me te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ina pouri koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Engari ko te noho tonu ko te tikanga kei te whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatutuki i te angitu. Ma te nui o te kaha, ka taea e koe te huri i ngā mea.
Ki te kore koe e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga engari e mataku ana koe ki te noho mokemoke, ā, koia te take e whiriwhiri ana koe ki te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore koe e arohaina, e whakautehia, e whakanuia rānei. Mēnā koinei te āhua, ka tohutohu mātou kia waiho koe hei tuatahi, kia mahi i ngā mahi e tika ana kia whiwhi ai koe i te kaha ki te tuku me te neke whakamua.
Ehara i te mea onge te kore harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga ina roa kōrua e noho tahi ana. He tino whai hua te mahi tahi me te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whanaungatanga rānei, hei rapu i te pūtake o tō pouri me te whakatika i taua raruraru. He kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai raihana, he mātau hoki kei runga i Te rōpū a Bonobology kua āwhina i te tini o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e raru ana i te pouri i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka whai hua koe i ō rātou tohungatanga.
FAQs
He mea noa te noho pōuri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i ētahi wā. Engari, ki te roa, ki te roa rānei, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaaroaro me te mahi ki ngā take matua e puta ai ēnei kare ā-roto.
Ko te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te kore whai wāhi, te noho mokemoke i a kōrua e noho tahi ana, ko ia kōrero ka arahi ki te whawhai, ko te kore rānei e whawhai, te kore tumanako mō tō heke mai me tō hoa rangatira, koinei ngā tohu nui o te kore harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.
9 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Whakatipu i te Hononga i ia Rā
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.