Ko te mea matua o tētahi whanaungatanga ko te whakawhirinaki. Ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, kāore he pono o te aroha. Ā, ko te mea kotahi e whakangaro ana i ngā mea pai katoa o tētahi whanaungatanga ko te teka. Ina teka tētahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka ngaro tō whakawhirinaki ki a ia. Ko te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka hua he pānga domino, ka tīmata te pakaru haere o ngā mea katoa me ngā mea katoa e arohaina ana e koe.
He aha te take e teka ai te tangata? Ko tētahi o ngā take maha, he wehi kei pā mai ngā hua kino mēnā ka whakaae rātou ki tā rātou mahi hē. Ka teka ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki ō rātou hoa, nā te wehi kei whakapataritari i a rātou, kei huna rānei i ā rātou mahi hē. Engari, ka puta he teka mā i tētahi atu, ā, i mua i tō mōhio, ka noho te teka hei tikanga.
Ko te pātai nui e ara ake ana ko tēnei: me aha koe ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga? Mā te kore e aro ki te meka e teka ana tō hoa ki a koe ka uaua haere te mahi me ia kōrero teka e titoa ana e rātou māu. Ko te teka a tetahi e arohaina ana e koe ehara i te mea he mea whakangaro noa iho engari ka taea hoki te whakangaro i te whakawhirinaki, ka waiho tō whanaungatanga kia kore e mau. Nō reira, me aha koe hei whakatika i tēnei? Me ngana tātou ki te mārama. Engari i te tuatahi, me ako koe ki te pānui tika i ngā tohu o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Me pēhea te mōhio kei te teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E hia ngā tāngata e teka ana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? Mena kua pātai koe ki a koe anō i tēnei i muri i te teka a tō hoa, tera pea ka kitea e koe he whakamarie i te meka ehara ko koe anake te tangata e whiwhi ana i te taha o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. I kitea i roto i tētahi rangahau a te Whare Wānanga o Massachusetts ko te nuinga o te tangata e teka ana i roto i ngā kōrero o ia rā. E ai ki te tohunga hinengaro a Robert S. Feldman, tata ki te 60% o te tangata i teka i te iti rawa i te kotahi i roto i te kōrero 10-meneti, ā, i te toharite e rua ki te toru ngā kōrero teka.
He rerekē ngā take e teka ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Engari he tino whakarihariha, he mamae hoki te teka a tētahi e arohaina ana e koe. Ahakoa e whakaaro ana tētahi hoa tāne, hoa wahine rānei e teka ana ka taea e rātou te mawhiti me ā rātou whakamārama, ko te mea pono, ina teka tētahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he tohu kei reira hei tohu mate. Kia tūpato ki ēnei tohu o te tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, kia tūpato:
1. He rerekē ā rātou whanonga
Ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka kitea ngā panonitanga katoa o ā rātou whanonga. Nō reira, mai i te noho tawhiti me te noho puku, ki te mea ka tino aroha me te mārama rātou, ki te rerekē rānei, kia mōhio koe he nui ake ngā āhuatanga o ā rātou whanonga i te huringa o te wairua. I tētahi wā, tera pea ka whakaaro koe kua mutu rātou i te whanaungatanga , i tētahi wā anō ka tino pai te wairua.
Ko te pumau te tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga pai, nō reira, ki te kite koe i ngā whanonga e rerekē ana ki tōna āhua tūturu, ki tōna tuakiri rānei, me tangi mārama te pere whakatūpato. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te teka me te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
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2. Ina rite te ahua o ā rātou kupu ki te whakaharatau
Ki te kōrero tō hoa i tētahi pūrākau he āhua kua oti te tuhituhi, ā, he rerekē te tangi i tā rāua kōrero i te nuinga o te wā, me whakaara ake tō pūoro. Hei tauira, ki te kōrerohia e rāua tētahi mahi ngāwari i ngā wā maha, i te huarahi ōrite tonu ki ngā wā o mua, he tohu whakatūpato tēnā kei te hē tetahi mea. Ko te whakapuaki i ngā kupu kua whakaharatauhia he tohu anō pea mō te tinihanga.
Ko tētahi huarahi māmā hei hopu i a rātou i te kore mōhio ko te pātai anō i te pātai kotahi i muri i ētahi rā. Mēnā he pai te whakaharatau i te whakautu, ā, ka whakautu mai rātou me te kore he wā okioki, he kore rānei e rite ki te whaikōrero kua maumaharatia, he mea rorirori. He aha ai? Nā te mea i te nuinga o te wā ka huri te reo, ka ngaro rānei ētahi kōrero iti i a rātou e kōrero ana i te kaupapa kotahi.
3. Ina kore e mārama ngā taipitopito
Ahakoa he nui rawa ngā kōrero, he iti rawa rānei, he nui rawa ēnei hei whakaoho i ngā whakapae. Ko te hinengaro taketake o te teka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ko te tangata teka, i roto i te ngana ki te kōrero pono me te tūturu, ka nui rawa tana whakamārama i tētahi āhuatanga, ka nui rawa ngā kōrero e tāpirihia ana ki te pūrākau.
I ētahi wā, tera pea ka āta tangi pōuriuri, kāore hoki e aro mai kia kore ai e pātaihia atu. He tauira noa iho pea tēnei o te teka mā te wareware i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, ko te hoa tāne a Tara, nāna i tinihanga ki a ia, ka kōrero taipitopito atu ki a ia mō ngā mahi o tōna rā. Ka āta waiho e ia te wāhanga e mea ana ia ko te nuinga o ēnei mea e mahia ana e ia me tētahi hoa mahi e moe tahi ana rāua.
Kotahi noa te paheke o te arero i ranea ai mā Tara e hopu i a ia i tana teka, ā, ka taka mai ngā angaanga i roto i te rūma kakahu. Ki te whakapae koe kei te teka tō hoa, me mātau koe ki te whakamahi i ō pātai whakautu hei hopu i a rātou. Ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he iti te whakaaro hara kei te takaro. Hei tauira, tera pea kei te teka rātou hei whakatau i te hara tinihanga , nō reira ka mahia e rātou ngā mea katoa kia kore ai e ara ake he ruarua.
4. Reo tinana
Koinei pea te tohu tino kitea engari me kōrero tonu. Ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka rerekē te reo o tōna tinana. Ka nekeneke haere rātou, ka takaro ki ō rātou makawe, ka mahi i ngā tohu ringa, me ērā atu mea. Mēnā kei te miro noa iho rātou, ka karohia e rātou te tūtaki ki ō kanohi. He tohu tino pono ēnei o tētahi hoa rangatira teka.
Mātakitaki ki te panoni o ō rātou reo mēnā me pātai atu koe ki a rātou mō ō rātou wāhi noho, ā, kāore e taea e rātou te whakamārama pai – he ahua koretake, he iti te reo, ā, kāore i te tika ngā taipitopito. Ki te kore rātou e tino mōhio ki te kōrero teka, ka kitea tō rātou āhua tūturu i roto i te reo me te reo tinana. Ko te aro ki ngā taipitopito te huarahi māmā ki te hopu i tētahi e kōrero teka ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.
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Me pēhea te whakautu ina teka tō hoa wahine ki a koe
Ko te whakaiti, te whakakorekore me te riri ētahi noa iho o ngā pānga o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka rongo koe kei te tangohia koe hei ekenga rangatira ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. He kino rawa atu ina teka tetahi ki a koe, ā, e mōhio ana koe ki te pono, ki tētahi wāhanga rānei o te pono. Ka piki ake te whakaaro kāore koe i whakautehia, me te takahi i te whakawhirinaki.
I ēnei wā, he mea maori te whakamatautauria kia tauhohe ohorere. Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki te hopu i te tangata kua pāngia e te mate, ki te tatari rānei kia puta te kōrero tika. Inaa, he hē ngā huarahi e rua. I mua i tō whakatau ki te aro atu ki te teka, tirohia he tirohanga whānui, ā, akohia me pēhea te tauhohe ina teka tetahi ki a koe.
1. Tikina ētahi atu whakautu
Tērā pea ka mamae koe i te teka, engari kia mōhio koe kāore te teka e kōrerotia motuhaketia. He horopaki me he take anō kei reira, ahakoa te āhua koretake ki a koe. Nō reira, ina kitea e koe kua teka tō hoa ki a koe, i muri i te memeha o te ohorere tuatahi, kimihia kia kitea mēnā he kōrero anō kei roto i te kōrero.
Tikina ngā whakautu ki ngā pātai e tika ana – he aha rātou i teka ai? Kia pēhea te roa o tā rātou teka?
Ko wai atu i uru ki ā rātou kōrero teka? Kotahi anake te mea i kōrero teka ai rātou, he maha rānei? Ko te mea nui, he aha te āhua o ā rātou kōrero teka? He kōrero teka māmā noa iho, engari he mea whakarihariha, he mea hohonu ake rānei pērā i te moepuku, te tinihanga moni rānei, tae noa ki te kore whakapono ki te taha pūtea ? Mā ngā whakautu e whakatau me pēhea tāu urupare ki te teka me te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
2. Mātakihia mēnā he tauira kei roto i ā rātou kōrero teka
He tino kaha te kōrero teka a ētahi tāne, wāhine hoki, ā, ka mawhiti atu rātou i ā rātou kōrero, kāore he wehi. Ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ngana kia mōhiotia mēnā kei te teka noa rātou ki a koe, ā, i roto i ngā take o tō whanaungatanga anake, kāore rānei i te tika ā rātou whanonga ki ētahi atu.
Kei te whakaatu rātou i ēnei momo whanonga i te mahi, i te taha rānei o ō rātou hoa? Mena āe, he hunga kōrero teka noa iho pea rātou. He tauira whanonga pea tēnei e hiahia ana kia whakatikatikaina. Hei tauira, ki te kite koe he maha ngā wā ka kōrero teka tō hoa ki ō rātou hoa, ki ō rātou hoa mahi me ō rātou mātua hoki hei karo i ngā mea kāore rātou e hiahia ki te mahi? Me kī atu tētahi hoa ka tono tō hoa kia haere tahi rāua ki te hikoi, engari ka whakakahore rātou i runga i te whakapae kua whai mahere kē rātou me koe, engari ko tā rātou anake e hiahia ana ko te moe roa.
Mena koinā, he āhua noa iho pea te teka ki tō hoa. Heoi, ki te mea kei te hunaia e rātou ētahi mea mai i a koe anake, me whai huarahi rerekē, me whai huarahi ātaahua ake pea. He teka mā ngā hoa e kōrero ana tetahi ki tetahi , engari ina uru te teka ki roto i te whanaungatanga, he mea whakamataku.
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3. Kaua e aro tonu atu ki a rātou
Me aha koe ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ko te whakautu ki tēnei pātai kei roto hoki i te kore e aro atu ki tēnei take. Ko te mea kino rawa atu ka taea e koe te mahi ina kitea e koe kua teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whakakā i a koe anō me te aro atu ki a rātou i taua wā tonu. Hoatu he wā, ka whakaatu i tētahi taura roa ki a rātou. Kia tūpato engari kia piki haere ō pātai ki a rātou.
Nō reira, ki te mea kua roa rawa rātou e ' noho pō ana ki te mahi', kaua e whakaae noa ki ā rātou kōrero, pātai atu ki a rātou mō te mahi. He maha ngā wā hei huna i tētahi teka, me kōrero anō rātou mō tētahi atu. Tukua rātou kia pērā. Mā tēnei, ka taea hoki e koe te tiki atu i ētahi atu kōrero whai kiko mai i a rātou hei kōrero ā muri ake nei.
4. Kia mōhio rātou kāore koe e hoko ana i ā rātou kōrero teka
Kia tino mōhio koe kei te tinihangatia koe, kaua e mahi harakore. Ahakoa kua whakaroa pea koe i te pātai tuturu, me whakamōhio atu kei te mōhio koe ki ā rātou whakaaro. Tērā pea ka whakama rātou, ka ārai rānei i a rātou.
Heoi, me whakamōhio atu ki a rātou kāore koe e whakaae ana ki ā rātou kōrero. Ka taea tēnei mā te pātai i ngā pātai tuwhera, mā te kimi rānei i ngā hapa iti i roto i ā rātou kōrero. Engari mā te kore e tauhohe, mā te kore rānei e whakahē i a rātou, ka taea e koe te hoatu ki a rātou te māia ki te kōrero teka tonu, ki te tinihanga i a koe.
Ki te tukua e koe ngā kōrero teka iti kia marere, tera pea ka noho koe ki roto i ngā pouri pēnei i te 'he teka katoa taku marena' me te 'i maumauria e au ngā tau ki tētahi whanaungatanga rūpahu' ina huri te tinihanga hei mea nui ake, ā, ka pā kino ki te whakawhirinaki.
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Nā, kua kite koe i ngā tohu o te tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kua whakaū koe kei te tinihangatia koe, ā, kua ata whakautu atu koe me te whai hua. Ko te mōhio kei te tinihangatia koe e tētahi e arohaina ana e koe ka puta ake he maha o ngā pātai: Me aha koe ina teka tētahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Me pēhea e koe te aro atu ki ēnei teka? Kia pēhea te roa ka noho puku koe?
Ko te teka – ahakoa he whakanui kōrero, he huna rānei i ngā meka, he whakapōturi rānei i te pono hei whakahaere i a koe – ka mamae pea. I runga i te hohonutanga o te whanaungatanga me te pānga o ngā teka, me whiriwhiri koe – ka noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei, ka hoatu rānei he whai wāhitanga anō? Anei ētahi mea ka taea e koe te mahi ina teka tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga:
1. Whakatūpato atu ki a rātou me ngā taunakitanga
Ina tae te kōrero teka me te tinihanga ki ngā taumata kāore e whakaaetia, kua tae ki te wā ki te tū atu ki tō hoa. I mua i tō mahi i tēnā, kia mōhio koe ki ngā āhuatanga katoa. Kia mōhio koe ko koe te kaiārahi i te kōrero. Nō reira, kaua e tatari mō te wā tika, engari me waihanga he wā "me kōrero tāua".
I kitea e Martha kei te whakapā tonu tana hoa tāne, a Jake, ki tana wahine o mua ahakoa kua whakamanahia e ia kāore rawa tana hoa o mua i te ao. "I teka ia i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga, ā, kāore au i pai. Nō reira, i taku tūponotanga ki ā rāua whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kuputuhi, ka tūtaki tonu ahau ki a ia, ka kī atu ki a Jake me mārama ia ki ahau mēnā e hiahia ana ia kia mau tonu te whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakahē i a ia mō te teka, engari me mahi," tana kī.
He kōrero ātaahua tēnei, ā, ka taea te haere i tētahi taha, i tētahi taha rānei, nā te mea ka whakahēngia rātou mō ā rātou kōrero teka. Nō reira, he mea pai pea kia whai kaiwhakaatu, he hoa tata pea, hei whakaatu i taua wā.
2. Kaua e ngaro tō ngākau pono
He mea whakarihariha te kore pono o tētahi i whakawhirinakihia e koe, i whakapūmauhia hoki ōna kare ā-roto ki a koe. Engari kaua e tukua ngā pānga o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga kia pā ki tō ngākau pono. Kaua e tukua ō take whakawhirinaki kia whakatau i te āhua o tō mahi ki tō hoa. Ahakoa kua piko iho rātou, me piki ake koe. Kaua e takaro ki a rātou, kaua hoki e whakaiti i a rātou.
Engari, kia pono koe ki a koe anō. Ina tūtaki koe ki a rātou, kia pono ki te āhua o ā rātou mahi i whara ai koe. Kaua e whakapae i a rātou (tērā pea ka whakamāramahia ā rātou mahi), kōrerohia koe me ō kare ā-roto. Koinā anake te mea nui. Ko tāu tauhohenga mārie me te ata noho ki ngā kōrero teka me te tinihanga a tō hoa ka nui ake te pānga ki a rātou i te nui o te hamama me te hamama.
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3. Pātaihia ngā whāinga o tō whanaungatanga
He whakaaro māmā tā Kaiako Adrian, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whanaungatanga, he kaituhi hoki ki te Love Advice TV – whakarārangihia ngā whāinga o tō whanaungatanga. "Kei te ngana koe ki te whakarerekē i tētahi e kore e taea te whakarerekē? Kei te ngana rānei koe ki te whawhai mō tētahi whanaungatanga e kore e taea te whakaora?"
Ahakoa he tinihanga, he teka rānei te tangata, ehara i te mea kāore ia e aroha ana ki a koe. Tērā pea i hē rātou, ā, i teka rātou. Engari koinei te wāhi e whai wāhi ai ō kare ā-roto. Kei te pai koe ki te wareware i ā rātou hara nā te mea he nui ake ngā mea e tautuhia ana tō whanaungatanga? Kei te whakaaro koe ka pau te toenga o tō oranga ki te rapu huarahi hei whakakore i te teka a tētahi ki a koe? Mēnā koinei te mea whakamutunga, he pai pea te whakaaro nui ki te wehe atu.
4. Whakawhirinaki ki tō ngākau
Ahakoa he iti noa ngā kōrero teka, kāore pea e tika kia mutu te whanaungatanga, engari ko ngā mahi iti nei ka arahi ki ngā hara nui. Ko tā mātou, whakawhirinaki ki ō kare ā-roto. Ki te whakaatu koe i ana kōrero teka ki tō hoa, tirohia mēnā kei te tino pouri, kei te whakama hoki rātou.
Kaua e whakaititia, kaua hoki e whakaititia tō mamae nā te mea he tika. Nō reira, whakawhirinaki ki ō kare ā-roto mēnā ka taea e koe te whakapono anō ki tō whanaungatanga. Kaua e whakaaroaro tonu ki ngā pātai pēnei i te, " Kei te tinihanga ia, kei te mataku rānei ahau ?" Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te muru hara me te wareware, kaua e mangere ki te mahi i tētahi mahi nui pēnei i te wehenga whakamātautau, te wehe atu rānei mō tētahi wā poto kia mōhio rā anō koe ki tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi.
Ko te pono te pūtake o tētahi whanaungatanga, engari i ētahi wā, ina pāngia, ka pāngia hoki ētahi atu āhuatanga ōrite. Ahakoa he mea tika kia whakaarohia ngā hua i mua i te peke ki te whakatau, kaua e tukua tetahi - tae atu ki tō hoa aroha - kia whakahē i a koe me te teka. Ko ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe i muri mai he whakaata i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō.
FAQs
Ka taea e te teka te whakangaro i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ina teka tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kei te takahia e rātou ngā kupu whakaari i oatitia e rātou ki tā rātou hoa. Ka uaua te hanga whakawhirinaki i muri i tēnā.
Nāu te whakatau, nā te mea ko te murunga hara e whakawhirinaki ana ki te hohonutanga o te whanaungatanga, te pānga o ngā kōrero teka ki a kōrua ko tō hoa, me ngā whāinga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
Ka taea te whakangaro i ngā whanaungatanga e ngā kōrero teka, nā te mea he maha ngā wā kāore e mutu ki te kōrero teka kotahi. Hei huna i ngā meka, me tito te tangata i ētahi atu whakamārama me ngā kōrero pakiwaitara. Ko te mutunga iho, ka pakaru te turanga o te whanaungatanga.
Ki te nui rawa ngā kōrero teka, ā, kua pakaru tō whakawhirinaki, kāore e taea e koe te whakakore. He pai ake te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, kia kite ai koe i ō whakaaro mō tō hoa. Ki te hohonu rawa te tinihanga , he pai ake te wawahi.
13 Ngā Tohu e Whakahē Ana Ia I A Koe, Kāore Hoi E Tika Ana I A Koe
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
