15 Ngā Mea e Kukume ai te Wahine ki tētahi atu Wahine

"He aha te mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine?" te pātai a taku hoa, a Jo, i ētahi wiki kua pahure. Nō nā tata nei ia i whaki mai ki ahau i tōna hiahia ki tētahi hoa mahi wahine i tana mahi hou. Kei waenganui i te 40 tau a Jo, kua mōhio ia he takatāpui ia i tōna oranga katoa, ā, kua moe wahine ia ki tētahi tāne. Nā te mea kua mōhio ahau ki a ia mai i te kāreti, kua whakaaro ahau ka kōrero tahi māua. Heoi, i pōhēhē ia, me te whakaaro, "He aha ahau i kukume ai ki tētahi atu wahine?" I miharo ahau, ā, i harikoa hoki mōna.

Nā te mea, kāore te moepuku tangata e herea ana e ngā here pāpori pakari me ngā āhuatanga takirua. Kua tino rere ke hoki te hiahia moepuku me/ranei te hiahia aroha. Tērā pea i pērā tonu, engari nā te tuwhera nui ki te kaupapa kua āwhina i te tangata ki te whakapuaki noa i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Ā, ka pā tēnei ki te tini o te tangata. Tērā pea kua kukumea koe e ngā tāne mō te nuinga o tō oranga, ā, tērā pea ka pāngia ohorere koe e te hiahia wahine-ki-wahine.

Tērā pea ko te kōtiro hou kua uru mai ki tō tari, ā, ka menemene mai ki a koe ina tomo mai koe me tāu kawhe. Tērā pea ko tō hoa pai kua mōhio koe i tō oranga katoa. Ahakoa pēhea, kei te whawhai pea koe ki tētahi wahine kua moe tāne e aroha ana ki tētahi atu wahine, kāore e moe ana mō te āhua o ia e kukume ana i a koe.

Nā, he aha ētahi āhuatanga ahurei e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, ā, he aha hoki ngā tohu e kukume ana i te wahine ki te wahine? I kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro me tētahi kaimahi hapori. Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res., Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau, kia whiwhi ai i ētahi māramatanga mō te kukume i te ira tāne me te āhua o tōna putanga mai.

Ka taea e te wahine takatāpui te kukume i te aro o tētahi atu wahine?

Ehara i te mea onge te āhua o te wahine e kukume ana ki tētahi atu wahine i ēnei rā. Engari, ina kite koe i tētahi wahine, he wahine pono tonu i tōna oranga katoa, e kite ana i ētahi atu wāhine, tera pea koe e pātai ana mēnā he tohu tēnei nō tētahi mea e pā ana ki a ia—he te mamae o te ngākau kino, he raruraru o waenganui o te ao— kua pāngia rānei e tētahi panonitanga o tōna ira tangata.

I mua i tā tātou mārama ki ngā mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, he mea nui kia mōhio he mea noa iho, he mea noa hoki kia kitea e te wahine tōna ira tangata i te mutunga o te ao. Ko te rere o tēnei whānuitanga te mea e tino whakahihiri ana. Nō reira, i te wā e whai ake nei, ka whakatata mai tō hoa ki a koe ka kōrero mai mō te iti o tana aroha ki tana barista, kaua e whakaara ake i ngā tukemata me te pātai nui ki a ia, ngana ki te whakaatu i tōna aroha me te tautoko.

Tērā pea koinei tana kōrero whakaroa mō te whakaputa i ana kōrero. He wā poto noa iho rānei i tērā taha. Ahakoa te take, te kōrero o mua rānei, ko te whakautu mēnā ka taea e te wahine takatāpui te kukume i tētahi atu wahine ko te āe. he rangahau i tangohia mai i te BBC, e kī ana kāore he wahine e tino takatāpui ana, ā, he maha ngā āhuatanga koiora e whakamārama ana i tēnei. Nō reira, kua tae ki te wā ki te wehe atu i ngā tapanga pakari, me te kite i te āhua o te kukume.

11 Ngā Tohu Arotahi Wahine-ki-Wahine

Nā te mea kua kitea e tātou ehara te wahine e kukume ana i te wahine i te mea tino tawhiti, me tahuri tātou ki te āhua o tēnei kukume. E kī ana a Devaleena, "He tohu tonu kei te kukume te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine," ā, ka whakarārangihia e ia ngā tohu e whai ake nei o te kukume wahine-ki-wahine:

1. Te titiro roa ki ngā kanohi

I roto i ngā tohu āwangawanga ā-ira tangata mai i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, ko te titiro kanohi hōhonu, whai tikanga te mea nui rawa atu. Ina arohia te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, ka roa pea tana titiro kanohi atu i te wā noa, e whakaatu ana i te whakamoemiti, te hiahia, me ngā kare ā-roto hōhonu ake. "He whanaungatanga te titiro kanohi ahakoa kei te taha ētahi atu tāngata. Ehara tēnei i te momo āhua wahine e tirotiro ana i ngā kākahu o tētahi atu wahine, engari he whakaaturanga anō hoki o te whakamoemiti me te ngā tohu o te aroha,” te kī a Devaleena.

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2. Te noho tata ā-tinana

Ko te hiahia kia tata te tinana ki a ia tonu te tohu o te kukume, ahakoa ko wai kei roto. Ko te wahine e kukume ana, e aro ana ki tētahi atu wahine, tera pea ka kitea he take hei tata atu ki a ia. Ka ngana pea ia ki te noho tata ki a ia, ki te piko atu i a ia e kōrero ana, ki te pā atu rānei ki a ia. Ko ēnei mahi katoa e tohu ana kei te aro atu te wahine ki a koe. 

3. Reo tinana whakakatakata

Reo tinana whakakatakata tētahi o ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei te aro atu tētahi wahine takatāpui ki tētahi atu wahine. Tērā pea ka uru atu ki tēnei te pā takaro pērā i te

• Ngā pā māmā ki te ringa
• Ngā akiaki ngawari
• Te parai i te makawe kia matara atu i te mata

Ka tāpiri atu a Devaleena, "Haunga te takaro mā roto i ngā tohu tinana, ko te reo tinana tuwhera, e anga atu ana tōna tū ki te wahine kē, he tohu kaha anō hoki o te kukume."

4. Ngā mahi whakaata

He tohu ngaro tēnei o te kukume o te wahine ki tētahi atu. Ko te hiahia ki te whai i ngā nekehanga a te tangata kē—ka whiua e ia ōna makawe mēnā ka pēnā te wahine kē, ka piko rānei tōna māhunga pērā i te wahine kē—he tohu tēnei i tētahi hononga, i tētahi hiahia rānei ki te whakatū hononga.

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5. Te aro nui ake

Ina hiahia te wahine ki tētahi atu, tera pea ka nui ake tana aro ki taua tangata. Ka kitea tēnei i roto i tana aro nui ki ngā kōrero ki te wahine e arohaina ana e ia, me te aro nui ki a ia, me te maumahara ki ngā kōrero katoa mōna. 

"Ka maumahara ia ki te inu i tonoa e koe, tō whakaaro mō ngā tōkena waewae, me ō whakaaro mō tō rangatira, mēnā e pai ana ia ki a koe."

Devaleena Ghosh, tohunga hinengaro haumanu

6. Te whakatoi, te takaro rānei

He momo katoa te whakatoi takaro, te katakata, tae noa ki te whakatoi ngawari tawai takaro ka taea te whakamahi hei whakaipoipo me te whakawai i tētahi atu tangata. Ina hiahia te wahine ki tētahi atu, ka whakamahia pea e ia ēnei taputapu iti hei hanga hononga ngahau. Mā te haere tonu, ka huri pea tēnei hononga ki tētahi rohe piripono. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Tērā pea i kōrero ia mō tana hiahia ki tētahi atu wahine i mua ake nei, ko te tikanga kei te tuku tohutohu ia. Tērā pea kei te ngana ia ki te huna i a koe me te hanga i tētahi wā tūmataiti, ngawari e tino hihiri ana, e aroha ana hoki ia."

7. Ngā mihi maha

Ngā tohu o te kukume mai i te wahine ka taea hoki te whakaata i roto i ngā mihi maha engari he whakaaro nui e tukuna ana e ia ki te tangata e arohaina ana e ia. Ka taea e ēnei mihi te pā ki te āhua, ki te momo kāhua, ki ngā āhuatanga tinana rānei, e tohu ana i te whakamoemiti me te kukume. Hei tauira,

• He ataahua tō ataata
• He tino ataahua tō āhua i roto i taua kākahu
• He tino whakapuaki ō kanohi

8. Te manukanuka, te koretake rānei

Ki te kore te wahine e tino mōhio ki ōna kare ā-roto, me te take, me pēhea rānei ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata kē, tera pea ka mataku ia i a ia e noho ana. Ka hua ake pea tēnei i te nekeneke haere i ngā taonga, te tākaro ki ōna makawe, te whero o te kanohi, me te kopikopiko haere, e whakaatu ana i te pikinga ake o te āhua kare ā-roto nā te ia o te kukume. Koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu e tohu ana kei te kukume te wahine takatāpui ki tētahi atu wahine.

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9. Ngā kōrerorero motuhake

Ina hiahia te wahine ki tētahi atu, ka rapu pea ia i ngā huarahi hei hono atu ki a ia, ka rapu hoki i ngā kōrero takitahi, i ngā wā motuhake rānei. Ko tana arotahi ko te mōhio hohonu ki te wahine kē atu nā te mea e aroha ana ia ki a ia. "Ki te hiahia te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, ka whakaatu pea ia i te āwangawanga nui, ka nui ake rānei tōna piripono ki te taha wairua mā te whakapuaki i tētahi mea ki te wahine anake e hiahia ana ia," te kī a Devaleena.

10. Te pā atu i a koe e kata ana

Pa kikokiko He tohu kaha anō hoki tēnei mō te hiahia o ngā wāhine tokorua. Ahakoa te āhua noa, te āhua noa rānei o ēnei pā, pērā i te pā ki te ringa, ki te pakihiwi, ki te waewae rānei i a rātou e kōrero ana, e kata tahi ana, engari ko te mea e rerekē ai ko te roa o te noho o ēnei pā i te pā noa i waenganui i ngā wāhine tokorua. He huarahi ēnei hei hanga hononga ā-tinana.

11. Hae mō ngā tūmanako aroha

Ki te kore te wahine e pai ki te noho tahi me ia, e hae rānei ki te hiahia aroha o te wahine e hiahia ana ia ki a ia, he tohu mārama tēnā kei te kitea ngā kare ā-roto aroha hohonu ake. wahine e aroha ana ki tētahi atu wahine, tērā pea ka mamao, ka pukuriri rānei ina kite ia i te tangata e arohaina ana e ia e taunekeneke tata ana me ētahi atu hoa aroha (ina koa ko ētahi atu wāhine).

He aha te mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine – 15 Ngā Mea

E whakahua ana a Devaleena i tētahi ako i whakahaerehia e te Whare Wānanga o Boise State i te tau 2011, i kitea ai e 60% o ngā wāhine takatāpui kua whakaae kei te hiahia rātou ki tētahi atu wahine. "Tata ki te 500 ngā wāhine i tukuna ki tēnei rangahau take. He mea noa te whai kare ā-roto ki tētahi atu wahine ahakoa kua whakaaro tonu koe kei te hiahia koe ki ngā tāne," tana whakapumau. Nō reira, kei te hiahia katoa ngā wāhine ki ētahi atu wāhine? Āe, kāore pea, engari ka taea e te tini o ngā wāhine te pā ki tēnei.

"Ka tīmata tonu tēnei me te whakaaro kei te "mōhio" noa koe i tēnei wahine. Kāore e taea te kore e whakaaro tonu ki a ia, me te rapu huarahi hei hono atu ki a ia. Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro kei te pai koe ki te noho hei tangata pono, hei tangata ngoikore i tōna aroaro, ā, kāore koe i te tino tiaki. He ahua ōrite, he ahua mōhio hoki," tāna tāpiri, me te whakamārama i ngā mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine. E whakarārangihia ana e Devaleena ētahi atu āhuatanga e 15 hei akiaki i taua kukume:

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1. Te māia ki a ia anō

"He uaua te whiwhi i te whakapono ki ngā wāhine, nā te mea e kīia tonutia ana tātou kia whakaitihia ō tātou whakatutukitanga me tātou anō hoki," te kī a Devaleena. Nō reira, e ai ki a ia, tērā pea nā te mea he whakapono ia ki a ia anō me āna whakatutukitanga, i roto i te ao mahi, i roto hoki i te ao whaiaro.

"E aroha ana ahau ki tētahi wahine e mōhio ana ko wai ia," te kī a Katy. "E maumahara ana ahau ki tētahi wahine i mua i ahau te teití i te kāreti—he pakeke ake ia, ā, he tino māia ki a ia anō, engari kāore i te whakapehapeha. E 21 noa iho ōku tau, ā, kei te raru tonu ahau ki te kimi i tōku tūranga i te ao. I pai ahau ki te noho tahi me ia nā te mea he tirohanga poto ki tētahi tangata ka taea e au te noho ā muri ake nei.”

2. Te hiahia kia ngoikore

He tino ātaahua te hiahia kia tuwhera, kia ngoikore hoki. Hei wāhine, he maha ngā wā kua whakaritea tātou kia hanga he anga tiaki i te ao e ngana tonu ana ki te hinga i a tātou, me te turaki i te āhua o te tangata e tipu ake ana. Tērā pea i tīmata tō hiahia wahine-ki-wahine i tētahi hui haurangi i roto i te wharepaku o tētahi kōtiro, ā, i mutu ake i te kōrero hōhonu mō tō wehenga tuatahi me te moko i tāu i tāu i runga i te tumanako kei te hanga hou koe i a koe anō. Tērā pea i haere koe ki waho ki te inu kawhe me tētahi hoa mahi, ā, i whaki i ō mataku hohonu katoa ki a koe anō. Ko te ngoikore tahi he mea nui ki te kukume i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine.

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3. Te tū motuhake ā-pūtea

"He aha ahau i tino hiahia ai ki taku hoa wahine?" Āe, tera pea nā te mea he wahine ia i hanga i a ia anō, ā, kua roa koe e mihi ana ki tēnā mōna. Tērā pea kei te hiahia tētahi wāhanga o koe ki te whai i taua āhua anō mōna, kia rite ki a ia te tū motuhake ā-pūtea. He pono, kāore he mea i te ātaahua ake i te wahine tū motuhake ā-pūtea nā te mea e mōhio ana koe kua kaha pea ia ki te whawhai kia tae atu ki tēnā.

"I te 18 o ōku tau, i taea e au te neke atu i te kāinga mā te mahi wā-wāhanga puta noa i te kura tuarua," te kī a Molly, "I mōhio tonu ahau kāore e taea e au te noho tahi me tētahi wahine i noho noa i te ao mā te moni whānau, ā, kāore anō kia mahi nui. Ā, ko aku i aroha ai, aku hoa aroha, me aku whanaungatanga katoa he wāhine nāna i hanga ake tā rātou ake moni putea." Ngā whāinga whanaungatanga moni he mea nui, ā, e aroha ana ahau ki tētahi wahine e tika ana āna kaupapa matua.”

4. He whakamarie ki tōna kiri

"I mua i te aroha, i te pai rānei ki tētahi atu, me hanga he whanaungatanga aroha ki a tātou anō," te kī a Devaleena, "Ko te noho whakamarie ki roto i tō ake kiri tētahi o ngā mea tino ātaahua ka taea e tātou te noho, inā koa he wāhine tātou, kei te pupuri tonu i a tātou ki ngā paerewa ataahua whaiti, kāore i te tino pono." Kia mahara, tera tonu ngā rā e kino ai tātou ki ō tātou makawe, e amuamu ana rānei mō ō tātou tinana, engari ko te taumata taketake o te makona ki tō tinana me tō hinengaro he mea ataahua ki te noho tahi me te aroha. Koinei te mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu.

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5. Te hihiri hinengaro me te mōhiotanga tōrangapū

"He tino hiahia nui tōku ki ngā wāhine e hiahia tonu ana ki te mōhio atu," te kata a Emily, "Kei roto ahau i aku tau 40, ā, kua koroheke rawa ahau, kua pūmau hoki ōku ara ki te kī he momo wahine ahau, kāore e mōhio, e aro rānei ki ngā mea e tū ana i te ao. Kia mōhio koe ki ngā mea kei tua atu i tō ao, kia pono tō whakaaro tōrangapū, ā, kua riro ahau i a koe." Āe, kei roto pea te aroha i te ngākau, engari he mahi nui tā te roro ki te kukume. Ko wai kāore e aroha ki tētahi e hiahia tonu ana ki te ako i ngā mea hou, e mārama ana ki āna mahi tōrangapū, ā, kāore e wehi ki te whakaatu i tōna mohio me tōna ngākau nui?

6. Ka kukume te mohiotanga kare ā-roto i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine

"Nō reira, tera pea he mātau koe ki ngā mea maha, engari me pēhea tō kaha ā-hinengaro, tō EQ rānei?"Te mātauranga kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga "e whakahaere ana i tō kaha ki te whakaae me te whakapuaki hauora i ō kare ā-roto. Nō reira, ko te tangata he EQ kua whanakehia, he iti rawa rānei e mahi ana ki taua mea, ka tino ataahua ake," te kī a Devaleena.

Ki te mea kei te pupuri koe i te aroha o tētahi wahine kua moe tāne ki tētahi atu wahine, tera pea ka pai koe ki te āhua o tana mōhio ki ōna kare ā-roto me tana whakahaere i aua kare ā-roto. Kāore pea ia e tūpato ina pōuri, ina riri rānei ia, engari ka taea e ia te whakapuaki i a ia anō me te marino me te whakaute. He aha te mea kāore e pai ki a ia?

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7. Te haumaru i roto i tōna moepuku

"Kāore au e hiahia ki tētahi e ātaahua tonu ana, ki taku whakaaro kāore e taea," te kī a Kristen, "Engari e aro tonu ana ahau ki ngā wāhine e mōhio ana he tangata takatāpui rātou, ahakoa kei hea rātou i roto i te whānuitanga o te ira tangata. Waihoki, he pai ki te mea he tuwhera ō rātou hinengaro mō ngā tikanga o te ira tangata me te moepuku."

He aha ahau i rata ai ki tētahi atu wahine, tera pea koe e whakaaro ana. Ina tūtaki koe ki tētahi kāore e wehi ki te noho tahi me tētahi atu wahine, tera pea he nui tēnā hei kukume i a koe ki a ia. Ko te pupuri i tō ake ira tangata, me te māia ki tēnā, tētahi o ngā mea tino ātaahua mō te tangata.

E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai, ko te māia tetahi o ngā āhuatanga tino ātaahua, ā, ko te māia ki tō ira tangata, ki ō hiahia, me ngā mea kāore e taea te whiriwhiri he wāhanga nui o te kete māia. Nō reira, ina kite koe i tētahi wahine e hikoi haere ana i te tiriti me te ātaahua tonu, kāore e mataku ki te pātai he aha tāna e hiahia ana, ki te whai rānei i tāna e hiahia ana, ehara i te mea ka tino kukume koe engari ka whakaoho hoki i ētahi. raruraru fakasekisualé i waenganui i a kōrua.

8. I waihanga i tētahi oranga mōna ake i waho o ngā tumanakohanga a te hapori

He maha ngā wā ka noho ngā wāhine i roto i ō rātou oranga e herea ana e ngā mea e tumanakohia ana e ētahi atu i a rātou. He wahine pai, he whaea pono, he oranga e whakapaua ana ki te mahi ki te whānau, me ērā atu mea. He nui te kaha me te takitahi e hiahiatia ana hei wehe atu me te waihanga i tētahi oranga e hiahia ana koe, ahakoa te aha e tumanakohia ana e te ao i a koe. Ā, he aha te mea e ātaahua ake ana i te kaha me te takitahi?

"E noho ana ahau i roto i tētahi waka whakangahau, ā, e haereere ana ahau puta noa i te motu ki te mahi i ngā mahi whakangahau me te waka i ngā wāhi katoa e pai ana ahau," te kī a Sharon, "He mea ohorere ki te tini o te tangata te kite i ahau, he wahine takakau, he wahine takatāpui, e noho pēnei ana. Engari koinei te mea e tino pai ana ki ahau mōku ake, ā, me mihi te hunga katoa e mahi tahi ana mātou ki tēnā, me whakaae hoki ki ahau mō tēnā."

9. Te aroha nui

He maha ngā huarahi e kitea ai te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā-hinengaro hoki, ā whakaatu aroha He mea nui tēnei ki tēnā. I runga i tēnei, kia mōhio koe kāore te aroha tinana i te mea he mea whakaipoipo, he mea werawera rānei i ngā wā katoa. Ko te kihi i te rae, te pā atu ki te ringa, me te awhi ringa e whakaatu ana he tangata tēnei e arohaina nuitia ana e koe, e manaakihia ana hoki e koe. Ā, ki te kite koe i tētahi kōtiro e tino hiahia ana ki tēnei mea i a ia e kī ana he wahine takatāpui ia, tera pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kei te hiahia te kōtiro takatāpui ki te mōhio.

I te taha kare ā-roto, ka puta te aroha mā roto i ngā īngoa karanga tūmataiti, aroha, te tautoko tonu i te tangata, me te tū hei tautoko i te tangata i roto i tētahi āhuatanga uaua. He aha te mea e kukume ana i te wahine ki tētahi atu wahine, e whakaaro ana koe? Āe, ko te aroha hohonu me te ngākau pono he mea ngāwari mō ngā momo whanaungatanga hauora katoa, nō reira he aha tēnei e rerekē ai? Kia mahara, te korenga o te whanaungatanga piripono he haki whero i te nuinga o te wā.

10. Ka tiaki i a ia anō

E mōhio ana koe ki tā rātou e kī nei, kāore e taea te ringihia mai i tētahi ipu kau. Mō te aroha me ngā whanaungatanga, ko te tikanga o tēnei, "he mea tino nui te aroha ki a koe anō mēnā ka taea e koe te hoatu me te whiwhi aroha mai i tētahi atu". "I tino aroha ahau ki tēnei kaiako i te kura tuarua," te kī a Nicole, "He tangata whakakatakata ia, ā, i kōrero tonu mai ki a mātou me te mea he ōrite mātou. Engari i tua atu i ēnā mea katoa, he rīpene ngutu whero ataahua tonu tana i mau ai, ā, he pai tonu te whakapaipai i ōna maikuku."

"I taku whakawhiwhinga tohu, i maia ahau ki te pātai atu ki a ia me pēhea ia i whiwhi ai i te wā. I mea ia, "Ahakoa te pouri o taku ngākau, mā te whakakakahu me te tiaki i ahau anō ka maumahara ahau ka taea e au te haere tonu." Ā, tae noa ki tēnei wā, e aroha ana ahau ki tētahi wahine e whai wā ana mōna ake, e whakaatu ana i tōna kaha ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa." aroha-whaiaro"Ki te mea kei te hiahia ahau ki tētahi atu wahine, he tata tonu nā te mea kei te tiaki ia i a ia anō."

11. He rite ōu hiahia

Ahakoa he mea e kukume ana ngā mea rerekē, he mea pai te kukume ki tētahi e pai ana ki ētahi o ngā mea rite ki a koe, e kī ana a Devaleena, "Ko te kukume tuatahi, inā koa, ka ahu mai i ngā hiahia rite e puta ake ana i ngā kōrero tuatahi."

"Kua honoa ahau ki ngā wāhine mō ngā mea iti pēnei i te whai i ngā mea ōrite" ota kawhe "he rite rānei ngā makawe. Ā, ko ngā mea nui ake anō hoki pērā i te whakaae he mea nui te kaupapa wahine, ā, ko Spiderman te toa toa nui rawa atu o ngā wā katoa," te kata a Charlotte. Mā ngā hiahia ōrite ka pai ai te kōrero, ā, he mea whakamarie tonu te mōhio he rite ō kōrua whakaaro ki tētahi e arohaina ana e kōrua. I ētahi wā, he pai noa iho ki a kōrua te kirīmi whiu tāpiri ki tā kōrua kawhe.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te hiranga o ngā hiahia ōrite i roto i te whanaungatanga?

12. E pai ana koe ki tōna wairua whakakatakata

"He maha ngā tau e whakaipoipo ana ahau me ngā tāne, kātahi ka kitea he tino hiahia ahau ki te hoa wahine o tētahi hoa," te kī a Dinah, "kāore au i tino mōhio he aha te mea i te tīmatanga. Ā, i taku mōhio ki a ia, kāore ia i whakaiti i tētahi hei kata. He mea iti noa iho te ahua, engari i mōhio ahau he maha ngā tau e rongo ana ahau i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e tawai ana tetahi ki tetahi nā te mea koinei anake te katakata i mōhiotia e mātou. Ā, anei tētahi wahine he te wairua whakakatakata maroke, i taea e ia te whakakatakata, tae noa ki te kore e tika i ētahi wā, engari kāore i te whakararuraru i tetahi. I mōhio ahau nā tēnei te take.”

13. Whakarongo pukumahi, whakarongo āta hoki

He wahine katoa e arohia ana e te katoa? Kāore mātou i te tino whakapono. Engari, ki te mea he tino pai ia ki te whakarongo, ā, ka taea e ia te whakamarie i te tangata katoa, me te manaaki i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa, tera pea ka aroha koe ki a ia hei wahine. Ko te whakarongo kaha pea te taonga nui rawa atu ka taea e tātou te hoatu ki te hunga e arohaina ana e tātou, hei whakamanawa i a rātou kei te whakarongohia rātou. Ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi āhuatanga e arohaina ana e te wahine kua moe tāne ki tētahi atu wahine, tera pea nā te mea kua rongohia koe i te mutunga.

"Kua tekau mā rima tau ahau e moe ana i tētahi tāne, ā, i tino harikoa ahau," te kī a Olivia, "Kātahi ka tūtaki ahau ki tētahi hoa mahi o taku tāne. Kāore he aha i te tīmatanga - he kōrero noa iho māua. Kātahi ka kore e taea e au te whakaoti i tētahi rā me te kore kōrero ki a ia. I waenganui i ō māua oranga pukumahi, i kite ahau, i rangona hoki i taku kōrero ki a ia nā te mea i whakarongo nui atu ia ki ahau i tētahi atu. I kite ahau kei te aroha ahau ki a ia engari kāore au i hiahia ki te wawahi i taku marena."

14. Whakatairanga i ētahi atu wāhine

He āhua motuhake kei roto i te wahine e aro nui ana ki ētahi atu wāhine. I roto i te hapori e whakataetae ana ngā wāhine tetahi ki tetahi, he tino ātaahua te wahine e tautoko ana i te whanaungatanga tuahine, e tautoko ana hoki i ētahi atu wāhine. Kāore he ture e kī ana me noho hoa pai, me rite rānei ngā wāhine katoa tetahi ki tetahi.

Heoi, ko ngā mea iti pēnei i te whakaute i ngā momo ahua me/ranei ngā momo noho o tētahi atu wahine, te whakatairanga i ngā pakihi e whakahaerehia ana e ngā wāhine, me ētahi atu mea, ka tino āwhina i te wahine kia tino ātaahua. "E aroha ana ahau ki tētahi wahine e haere mai ana ki ahau, e mihi ana ki taku kākahu, e tū ana rānei mō te wahine kotahi i roto i tētahi rūma kī tonu i ngā tāne," te kī a Astoria, "E whakaatu ana i te mohio, te aroha, me te mōhio, ā, he tino ātaahua."

15. He atawhai ki a ia anō me ētahi atu

Ki taku whakaaro, kua roa te wā e kinongia ana te 'tangata pai', kāore he take. He tino wairangi te whakaaro katoa e kī ana, kāore he ara e puta ai te aroha me te hiahia ki te tangata pai. Te whiriwhiri i te tangata pai He whakaaro pai. Ā, e pā ana hoki tēnā ki ngā wāhine. He tino pai ngā āhuatanga o te atawhai me te ngākau māhaki, ā, i a au e pakeke haere ana, ka nui haere taku maioha ki taua āhuatanga ngaro o te 'atawhai'.

"He aha ahau ka aroha ai, ka hinga ai rānei ki tētahi tangata kino, whanoke, kore tikanga rānei?" te whakaaro a Mia. "Mēnā kei te rongo au i te hiahia wahine ki tētahi wahine, ko taku hiahia he tangata atawhai ki ētahi atu, he tangata atawhai ki ngā kararehe, he tangata whakaute ki ngā kaimahi ratonga, me ērā atu mea. Ko taku hiahia he kōtiro pai!" he uaua pea, inā koa mēnā kāore anō koe kia tino rongo, kia tino whakaae rānei ki ngā kare ā-roto aroha ki tētahi atu wahine.

Pātai Auau

Thoughts Final

Kia maumahara kaua e mataku, kaua hoki e whakaaro kei te hē tetahi mea i roto i a koe. Kaua e waiho hei kare ā-roto poto noa iho, engari kaua hoki e whakatakoto i ngā whakataunga nui o te ao (pēnei i te whakarērea i tō tāne) ki runga i tēnā. Nohoia, kia rongo i ō kare ā-roto. "He mea nui kia whakaae he pai te kukume i tētahi atu wahine, ahakoa kua mōhio koe he takatāpui koe tae noa ki tēnei wā. Engari kei te tangata takitahi te tikanga mēnā e hiahia ana rātou ki te mahi i runga i ēnei kare ā-roto, ki te pupuri rānei i aua kare ā-roto," te kī a Devaleena.

Ahakoa tāu whakatau, kia tino mohio kei te mahi koe i te mea e hari ai koe. He panoni nui te whakaae kei te rere haere, kei te tino rerekē rānei tō ira tangata i tō whakaaro. Kia atawhai ki a koe anō, ā, kia whai wā. He maha ngā āhua o te aroha e puta mai ana ki a tātou, engari kei a tātou te tikanga me pēhea te whiwhi.

He mea nui anō hoki te wāhi e rapu ai koe i te aroha, nā te mea ka taea e tētahi wheako kino i te tīmatanga te aukati i a koe ki te tūhura i tō ira tangata. Mena kei te rapu koe i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi wahine ātaahua e whai ana i te nuinga, ki te kore katoa, o ēnei āhuatanga, he wāhi pai ngā papaaho ipurangi rongonui pērā i te taupānga dating Taimi hei whakauru atu ki tēnei puna dating motuhake.

I taua wā anō, ki te mea kei te raru koe ki te mārama ki ēnei kare ā-roto o te kukume, he tino āwhina te kōrero ki tētahi tohunga ngaio kua whakangungua. Me te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro raihana me te wheako o Bonobology, he tokomaha o rātou e tohunga ana ki ngā take e pā ana ki te moepuku, he iti noa iho te āwhina tika. pāwhiri atu.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.