Tērā pea kua roa koe e whakaaroaro ana mō te whānuitanga o te ira tangata me tōu ake wāhi. Kia tae atu koe ki tētahi whakautu mā roto i ngā tohu ā-tinana, tērā pea kua whakaaro koe koinā te mutunga, ā, kua makona koe ki ō kitenga. Engari kua whakaaro kē koe mō tō āhua aroha?
Tērā pea kāore tō hiahia moepuku me tō hiahia aroha e ōrite. I tēnei ao e tino hira ana, e whakatenatenahia ana hoki te tūhura i a koe anō, he mea miharo te kite i te iti o te kōrero mō tētahi kaupapa nui pēnei. Kua pātai atu rānei tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo ki a koe mō tō hiahia aroha?
Koinā tonu tā mātou mahi i konei i tēnei rā: kōrerohia. Me te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Adya Poojari (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Hauora, Tohu Paetahi PG i roto i te Hinengaro Whakaora), he tohunga ki te kaiārahi taiohi me te whanaungatanga, me wetewete tātou i te whānuitanga o te aronga aroha.
He aha te tikanga o te "Aromātai Aroha"?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko te huarahi pai ki te tautuhi i te aronga aroha ko te whakataurite i tēnei ki te aronga ira tangata, nā te mea he kaupapa tēnei e mōhiotia whānuitia ana e tātou katoa. Ki te kī ngāwari, ko te huarahi whakamutunga e whakatau ana i te ira tangata/tuakiri e hiahia ana koe ki te hiahia, ko te huarahi tuatahi ia e whakatau ana i te ira tangata/tuakiri e kitea ana e koe e hono pūmau ana ki te aroha.
Mō te tangata e hiahia ana koe ki te aroha me te atawhai i a koe. He tangata ka taea e koe te whakaaro i tētahi heke mai aroha tahi, he tangata e whakahihiri ana i a koe (kāo, ehara i tō kaiako reo Pākehā). I roto i te poto, ko te hiahia ā-ira tangata e pā ana ki te tangata e hiahia ana koe ki te moe tahi mō te pō kotahi, ko te hiahia ā-ira tangata ia e pā ana ki te tangata e hiahia ana koe ki te aroha.
Kei te whakaaro koe i tētahi mea pēnei i te, "Kāore ianei i te rite tonu? He aha i rerekē ai ēnei e rua?" Nā te mea, i ētahi wā, kāore ēnei aronga e rua i te rite. Ā, ko te whakaaro hē me noho tahi tonu te aronga moepuku me te aronga aroha, koinei te take o te pōhēhētanga i te tuatahi.
"He kupu whānui te aronga aroha hei kōrero. Ahakoa e whakapono ana ahau ka taea e te aronga ira tangata te huri haere, ā, ka taea e te tangata te kukume ki ngā mea e whakaaetia ana e te hapori i taua wā, e whakapono ana hoki ahau ka mau tonu te aronga aroha puta noa," te kī a Adya.
"Pērā i ngā āhuatanga matua o te tangata e pāngia ana e ngā mea maha pērā i ō rātou uara, tikanga matatika me ngā mea e pai ana ki a rātou, kāore rānei, he maha ngā āhuatanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te aroha o te tangata. Tērā pea ka titiro ētahi ki te EQ, ki te IQ rānei, ki ngā mea rānei e whakaponohia ana e te tangata," tāna tāpiri.
Tērā pea kei a koe ngā kare ā-hinengaro mō tētahi ira tangata, engari kāore koe e kite i a koe e aroha ana ki aua kare ā-roto. Mā te nui ake o tō mōhio ki a koe anō, ka nui ake te harikoa o tō ao. Kāore e tino whai hua te kīanga "Whakatau noa kia angitu rā anō koe".
Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki te tautuhi i te aronga aroha, me titiro tātou ki te ingoa o ngā momo aronga e tino kitea ana, me pēhea hoki tā rātou mahi.
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He aha ngā momo o te aronga aroha?
Kia tae koe ki te mōhio ko wai te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, ka tīmata te ahua o ōu whanaketanga ā muri ake nei ki te tino whai hua. I mua i tō tīmatanga ki te whakaaroaro me te whakaoti i ngā whakamātautau whakawhanaungatanga aroha katoa ka kitea e koe, me kōrero tātou mō ngā momo whakawhanaungatanga aroha kei reira kia pai ake ai tō mārama ki te tapanga e tika ana mōu.
E kōrero ana a Adya ki a tātou te hiranga o te mōhio ki te whānuitanga o te whakawhanaungatanga aroha, "Nā te whakama e pā ana ki te whānuitanga o te moepuku , ko te hunga e hiahia ana ki te mōhio ka mutu pea te kī pēnei, 'He tangata takatāpui ahau engari ki taku whakaaro ka hiahia ahau ki te whakamātau i tētahi wā, ka tūhura i taua taha o ahau,' engari kāore e mutu, nā te kore e whakaaetia."
"Tērā pea ka whakatenatena te tangata i a rātou anō kei te pai rātou ki te aronga kua 'whiriwhiria' e rātou. Heoi anō, ehara i te mea me 'tūhura' te katoa kia kitea ai, engari me whai wāhi te tangata ki ēnei mōhiohio."
"Kia mōhio ake rātou, ka mōhio rātou ki te whakahaere i ō rātou whakaaro me ō rātou wawata, me ō rātou tikanga. Ka mōhio hoki rātou ki te whakahaere pai ake i aua whakaaro." Kia maumahara ki tēnā, anei tētahi rārangi whānui o ngā momo aronga aroha me mōhio koe:
1. Alloromantic
E pā ana ki tētahi e pāngia ana e ngā kare ā-roto aroha, ā, tērā pea ka mau tonu tēnei i ngā wā kei te heke mai. Kia maumahara, kāore tēnei kupu e tohu i te ira tangata e hiahia ana te tangata ki a ia. He mea whakamahi noa hei kī i te meka e pāngia ana koe e te hiahia aroha.
2. Kakara
Ko te tangata kakara he tangata kāore e tino pāngia e te aroha, ā, kāore pea e pāngia e taua aroha ā muri ake nei. Ki te pōhēhē koe, whakaarohia he tangata kore-ira (he tangata kāore he hiahia moepuku) engari he aroha noa iho.
3. Grayromantic
E pā ana tēnei kupu ki te tangata e pāngia ana e te aroha aroha, engari i te kaha kāore e rite ki te kaha o Ryan Goslings rāua ko Channing Tatums e kitea ana i roto i ngā kiriata. He rerekē rātou i te hunga e kī ana he hunga aroha aroha rātou, nā te mea e pāngia ana rātou e te aroha aroha, engari ko te hunga aroha aroha kāore e pāngia e te aroha aroha.
4. He wahine aroha
Ko te tangata kāore e rongo i te hononga aroha kia tino piripono rā anō ki tētahi tangata. Me mōhio rātou ki tētahi tangata i te taha hinengaro, i te taha wairua, me te taha hinengaro i mua i te wheako i tētahi momo kare ā-roto aroha ki a ia. Ki te kī ngāwari, kāore te kupu "aroha i te kitenga tuatahi" i roto i te papakupu a te tangata kāore e aroha ana, ā, ka tupu pai rātou i runga i te hononga kare ā-roto.
5. Horomantic
E pā ana ki te tangata e aro nui ana ki tētahi o te ira kotahi anake. Hei tauira, ko te tangata e kī ana he wahine ia, he tangata aroha hoki, ka aro nui noa atu ki tētahi atu wahine.
6. Heteroromantic
Ko te tangata heteroromantic he tangata e pāngia ana e te aroha ki ngā tāngata he rerekē te ira tangata i tō rātou ake. Kia maumahara kāore tēnei e pā ana ki tō rātou hiahia ā-ira tangata. Ahakoa he takatāpui te tangata, engari ka pāngia noa iho e ngā kare ā-roto aroha ki tētahi tangata he rerekē te ira tangata i tō rātou ake.
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7. Biromantic
He tangata e pāngia ana e te aroha ki ngā ira tangata maha. Ahakoa e whakaaro ana te hunga aroha ki te ira tangata he āhuatanga e tautuhi ana i te tangata e hiahia ana rātou ki te aroha, kāore tō rātou aroha e herea ki te ira tangata kotahi anake.
8. Panromantic
E pā ana ki te tangata kāore e whakaaro ko te ira tangata te mea nui hei whakatau i te tangata e arohaina ana e ia. Ko te tangata e kī ana he tangata aroha nui, ka pāngia e te aroha ki tētahi atu ahakoa ko wai tōna ira tangata.
E ai ki tā tātou i kōrero ai i mua, tera pea he tangata kore-ira tangata engari he tangata aroha-ā-ira tangata. Tērā pea he tangata takirua, he tangata aroha-hoa rānei. He mutunga kore ngā tauira o te aroha, ā, he ahurei ki ia tangata. Ahakoa he tangata aroha-aroha koe, ka rerekē te kaha o te aroha e pā ana ki a koe, te kaha rānei e kore ai koe e pā ana ki a rātou ina whakaritea ki ētahi atu tāngata aroha-aroha.
Ina kopikopiko noa koe i roto i te poka o ngā whanaungatanga, me te kore e tohu i ō mea e pai ana ki a koe me ō mea e kore e pai ki a koe, tera pea ka maha atu ō mea ka ngaro i a koe i tērā wā ina mōhio koe ki ō mea e pai ana ki a koe, ki ō mea kāore e pai ki a koe.
Ahakoa te āhua pōhēhē o te aronga aroha ina tukuna mai ēnei kōrero katoa ki a koe, kaua e whakararuraru rawa. Me kōrero tātou me pēhea te mōhio ki tō aronga aroha kia tata atu ai koe ki te kimi i te aroha pono i roto i tō ao.
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Me pēhea te kimi i tō aronga aroha
E tino whakapono ana mātou he maha ngā whakamātautau mō te kimi hoa aroha ka taea e koe te whakaoti, engari ko te whakautu ki tēnei pātai ka puta mai i ngā wheako kua pā ki a koe, ā, he pono, nō roto rawa i a koe.
E kī ana a Adya mā te mōhio ki tō aronga ka ārahi pea koe ki te tātari i ētahi atu mea, ehara i te mea ko koe anake. "Ngā mea pēnei i te āhua o tō tātou whakatipuranga, te hapori e noho nei tātou, ō tātou ira, ō tātou mātua, ngā kare ā-roto me ngā whakapono o te hapori i taua wā, ngā kiriata e mātakihia ana e tātou, ngā waiata e whakarongohia ana e tātou, tō tātou ahurea, me te maha atu o ngā mea, ka whai wāhi pea ki te mōhio ki tō aronga aroha." Me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e koe te kimi i te haki aronga aroha ka taea e koe te tautuhi i a koe anō:
1. Pātai atu ki a koe anō he aha tāu e hiahia ana
He huarahi māmā noa iho tēnei ki te kimi i a koe anō, engari ehara i te mea ngāwari pērā i te āhua. Tērā pea ka pōuritia tō whakaaro e tō hītori me ngā mea i kī atu koe ki a koe anō e pai ana koe.
Engari i a koe e rapu ana i tō wairua aroha, ngana ki te tuku i ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe, ka arotahi ki ngā mea e hiahia ana koe. "Koinei ngā mea e mōhiotia ana e te tangata," te kī a Adya.
"Ko te tangata whakawhiti ira tangata he hiahia tonu ki tētahi momo kākahu. Ko ngā kōwhiringa me ngā mea e pai ana ki a rātou, he tohu katoa. I te nuinga o te wā, mai i te tamarikitanga, ka tīmata rātou ki te kite i ngā tohu e kī ana kei te hē tetahi mea."
"Tērā pea kei te tino uaua rawa te mea katoa nā te hiahia kia tino āta tirohia ngā mea. Mēnā kei te aro atu koe ki tētahi, he tino whakapono koe kei te hiahia koe ki te noho tahi me ia i roto i te aroha," tāna tāpiri.
Nō reira, kāore e hiahiatia he whakamātautau whakataki aroha, he pātai BuzzFeed matapōkere rānei hei hoatu i ngā whakautu e rapuhia ana e koe; ko te huarahi pai ki te kimi i te otinga ko te titiro ki roto, me te pātai pea ki a koe anō pēnei i te " E aroha ana ahau ki tēnei tangata ?"
2. Tātarihia tō hītori whakaipoipo me te whanaungatanga
Āe, ae, i tono noa mātou kia wareware koe ki ngā mea e pai ana koe ki a rātou. Engari mā te aromatawai i ngā tāngata kua piri tahi koe i mua, kāore mātou e tono kia mau tonu koe ki aua whakaaro; aromatawai noa i ō kare ā-roto i a koe e noho tahi ana me ō hoa o mua.
"Whakaarohia ngā kare ā-roto tawhito e hono ana tātou ki te aroha, pērā i te kare o te pūrerehua i roto i te puku, te moemoeā mō tētahi heke mai me tēnei tangata, te hiahia ki te noho tahi me ia i tō oranga katoa, te awhi, te whakapuaki rānei i te aroha ki a ia. Mā te tangata e pā ana ēnei kare ā-roto ki a koe ka āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i te whakautu ki te pātai 'me pēhea te mōhio ki tō aronga aroha', ā, ka āwhina hoki i a koe ki te mōhio pai ake ki a koe anō," te kī a Adya.
"Haunga ō whanaungatanga, whakaarohia ngā hoahoa me ētahi atu whanaungatanga kei a koe i roto i tō ao. Kei te kite koe i a koe anō e kaha ana ki te pupuri ringa me tetahi o tō porowhita, ā, ka taea e koe te whakaaro ki te whai hononga aroha ki ētahi o rātou?"
"Ki te kore e taea e koe te whakaaro i tētahi mea pērā, he tohu pai rawa atu tēnā kāore koe e aro atu ana ki a rātou, i te taha ā-ira tangata, i te taha aroha rānei. Mā reira koe e mōhio ai ki te ira tangata e aro atu ana koe, ngā āhuatanga e aro atu ana koe," tāna tāpiri.
I pā mai he aroha nui ki a koe, he aroha kore-ira rānei? I pā mai rānei he aroha noa iho ki a koe, he hiahia noa rānei koe ki te takaro tahi? Kei te puta mai he tauira e tohu ana i tō aronga aroha? Ko te kimi i te huarahi tika ko te pātai i ngā pātai tika.
3. Kōrerohia, ā, akohia atu anō hoki te whanaungatanga aroha
Ko te nui ake o tō mārama ki te tautuhi i te aronga aroha, me te mārama ake ki tēnā, ka nui ake tō tātari i tō ake aronga. Ko tētahi o ngā mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe ko te karapoti i a koe ki ngā tāngata whakaaro rite. Whakamahia te ipurangi, tirohia ngā mātauranga o tō hoa o mua, me te kōrero ki te hunga e pātai ana ki te whānuitanga o ō rātou aronga aroha.
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4. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakatutuki i ngā tumanakohanga
Hei te mutunga iho, ko te whakautu ki te pātai "me pēhea te mōhio ki tō āhua aroha" kei roto i a koe. Ahakoa he takatāpui koe, he takirua rānei, ehara i te mea me heteroromantic, me biromantic rānei koe.
"Ahakoa te tere o te hurihanga o te ao, kei te hopu tonu i te ao, he maha tonu ngā wāhi e whakaaro ana he tangata ke te tangata he rerekē i te ao noa. Kaua e whai i ngā mea e pāngia ana koe, kia u ki tō tūhuratanga, ā, kia mōhio koe ko te mea anake e hiahiatia ana e koe he tautoko me te māngai hei whakapuaki i te tangata e tino hiahia ana koe," te kī a Adya.
"Kia hihiri koe, kaua e waiho koe ki roto i te pouaka, haere ki te wāhi e pai ana ki a koe," tāna tāpiri. Mā te nui o tāu pānui mō tēnei mea, ka nui ake tāu kite i ngā tauira o te aroha o te tangata he rerekē ngā momo hiahia. Kia whakaaro koe kua eke koe ki tāu ake, kia maia ki te mārama kāore koe e hiahia ki te whai i ngā tumanakohanga a te tangata i a koe. Ko koe tonu. Kaua hoki e manukanuka ki ngā mea katoa.
He aha te Whakakorenga Ira Tangata, me ngā Mea e tika ana kia Mōhiotia e Koe
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
