Ka taea e koe te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua? 15 Ngā mea hei whakaaroaro

Ka taea e koe te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua i muri i te wehenga? Mena āe, he hauora tonu? He pai te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua i a koe e noho tahi ana? He maha tonu ngā pātai e pātaihia ana e koe? I muri i te mutunga o tētahi hononga pumau, he uaua te huri i tētahi tangata motuhake mai i te tino tangata o tō ao ki tētahi atu tangata o mua, ā, he mea nui te whai wā. He mea maori te hiahia ki te hono anō me te noho tahi, inā koa i roto i ngā hononga roa. Heoi, i ēnei rā, he mea rongonui te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua. Ahakoa he tokomaha e ngana ana ki te pupuri i ēnei hononga, ehara i te mea he pono, he pumau rānei te katoa. Ko te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua ka puta mai pea ngā āhuatanga uaua ki tō ao.

rangahau e whakaatu ana ko ngā hoa o mua he iti ake te āwangawanga, he iti ake te pono, he iti ake te manaaki, ā, he iti ake te aroha hei hoa. Nō reira, kei te toe tonu te pātai: He tika te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe (kāore rānei)? He kōwhiringa hauora tūturu tēnei? Me tūhuratia tēnei āwangawanga me te āwhina a tā mātou tohunga hinengaro. Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe mēnā ka taea e kōrua ko tō hoa o mua te noho hei hoa, me pēhea rānei te noho hei hoa mō tētahi hoa o mua, pānuihia tonu…

He aha te uaua ki te noho hei hoa mō tō hoa o mua?

Ahakoa te āhua nei he kōwhiringa pakeke te tīmatanga o te whakawhanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga, kāore i te wātea te pana whakaweto i ngā kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka puta te hiahia kia noho hei hoa i te āhua o te whanaketanga, engari ko te ruku wawe ki roto i te whakawhanaungatanga ka puta he raruraru kare ā-roto, ā, te puta atu i te rohe hoa he kino rawa atu. Ahakoa te wehenga o te hoa, he uaua te neke wawe ki te whakahoahoa. He mea nui kia mōhio ki ngā wero me ngā uauatanga e uaua ake ai tēnei ara i tōna āhua tuatahi. I a koe e hikoi ana i tēnei ara, ka huri pea koe i te whakaaro, me te whakaaro tonu - "Kāore e taea e au te noho hoa me taku hoa o mua, kāore rānei?"

E ai ki te ako, te noho hoa tonu ki tō hoa o mua nā te mea he mahi, he ngākau māhaki, he hiahia aroha rānei kāore anō kia whakatauhia, i hua ake ai te kore e roa te noho hoa. He tohu tēnei i ngā uauatanga o te pupuri i tētahi hoa hauora me tētahi hoa o mua. Me titiro tātou ki ētahi take he uaua ki te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua, inā koa i muri tata mai i te wehenga:

• Kāore anō kia murua e koe ā rātou hara: Kei te hou tonu ngā patunga, ā, mā te noho hoa ki tētahi o mua i whara i a koe ka hoki mai ngā mamae katoa i pā ki a koe i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga aroha.
• Kei te aroha tonu tētahi o koutou: Kei te aroha tonu tetahi o kōrua, ā, e kite ana i te whakahoahoa hei wā ki te hoki mai me to mua rānei, ngana ki te kukume i a rātou mā te noho tahi. Ko te noho hoa i a koe e aroha tonu ana ki tō hoa o mua, kāore pea i te tino pai mōu nā te mea ko ō whakaaro ka ārahihia e ngā kare ā-roto, ehara i te whakaaro nui.
• Kei te hoatu tonu e koe he mana ki a rātou ki runga i a koe: Ahakoa te whakaaro kua neke atu tō hoa o mua, ka pōuri koe, ā, kāore e taea e koe te tuku atu.
• Ka uaua ake te neke atu: Nā te whakahoahoa koe e kore ai e neke whakamua. Nō reira, he mea nui te whakaaroaro ki ō kare ā-roto i mua i te ngana ki te noho hei hoa pai. Ki te kore, ka pātai pea koe, "Me pēhea taku wareware i taku hoa o mua?"
• Kāore he mea e kiia ana he 'hoa noa iho' i waenganui i a kōrua: He maha ngā wā ka pōuri, ka whiti ngā rārangi, ka arahi ki ngā waeatanga pō, te moe tāne, te kī noa rānei "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe" ka pouri ai kōrua i muri mai. Koinei ētahi o ngā tūponotanga o te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua me āta whakaaro.

Ki te mea he mōhio koe ki ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake pea te haere atu. Ki te kore, ka rite pea koe ki te tūtaki ki tētahi wāhi e kore ai kōrua e taea te hoki tahi, e kore hoki e taea te wareware rawa atu. He take pakari tēnei mō te kore e pai kia noho hoa kōrua ko tō hoa o mua. Koinei pea te take i nui ake ai te whakaaro, "Kaua e noho hoa kōrua ko tō hoa o mua".

15 Ngā Mea Hei Whakaaroaro Mō Te Noho Hoa Ki Tō Hoa O Mua

Ka taea e koe te noho hoa me tō hoa o mua? Āe, kei te āhua tonu. Mai i ngā āhuatanga uaua o te rite o te kare ā-roto ki te hiranga o te whakatū rohe mārama, he mea nui ia āhuatanga ki te hanga i te angitu, i ngā wero rānei o te pupuri i te whanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga. He mea noa iho mēnā kāore e taea e koe te noho hoa me tō hoa o mua, whakapono mai ki ahau, he nui ngā mahi e hiahiatia ana, inā koa ko te noho hoa me tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe.

E kī ana a Nandita, "Ina wehe ngā tāngata tokorua, he mea nui kia whai wā rāua ki te whakaora me te neke atu, kaua e whakangahau tetahi i tetahi me te noho tahi." I roto i tana pukapuka, Te Whakamua i tō Wehenga, e kī ana te kaituhi a Susan J. Elliot kia tatari koe mō te ono marama i mua i te whakautu i te waea mō te whakatau mēnā ka noho hoa koe ki tō hoa o mua, kāore rānei.

I a koe e whakatere ana i ēnei whakaaro, ka hurahia e koe ngā uauatanga o te whakataurite i te hītori me te hiahia mō ngā rohe hou. Ko te hiahia kia whai i tēnā haumaru aronganui He uaua pea tēnei i a koe e tiaki ana i tō oranga ngākau ina whakaaro ana koe ki te hikoi i te ara uaua o te whakahoahoa me tō hoa o mua. Ahakoa kei te whakaaro koe ki tēnei huarahi mō te wā tuatahi, kei te arotake anō rānei i tētahi whakahoahoa o mua, ko te whāinga o ēnei māramatanga he whakarato i ngā aratohu whai hua. Ma tēnei koe e āwhina ki te whakatau mēnā ka noho hoa koe me tō hoa o mua. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 15 ngā huarahi mohio hei whakakore i tētahi hoa o mua e hiahia ana kia noho hei hoa

1. Me whai wā, me whai wāhi hoki koe ki te tukatuka i te wehenga

Mā te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe ka ārai i a koe mēnā kei te tīmata anō te wehenga. He wheako taumaha rawa te wehenga, inā koa mēnā ko tō hoa o mua te tangata nāna i tango te waea ki te wehe. Tērā pea me tautoko koe i ngā kare ā-roto i a koe e aroha tonu ana ki tō hoa o mua, ā, kei te kaha koe ki te neke atu. I roto i taua whakaaro, ki tō whakaaro he āwhina te noho tahi me rātou me te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua ki tō whakaora?

Whakaarohia ngā hua i a koe e whakaaroaro ana ki te tūponotanga o te noho hoa i a koe e aroha tonu ana ki tō hoa o mua. E mea ana a Nandita, "He pai ake te whai wā me te wāhi ka hoki anō ki te whakarite i mua i te urunga atu ki tētahi atu āhuatanga raruraru." Koinei pea te take i puta ai tētahi o ngā tohutohu rongonui i muri i te wehenga, "Kaua e noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua."

2. Ka taea e ia te whakaoho anō i te whanaungatanga ā-tinana ka pouri pea koe

Ka taea e te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua te hoki ki tētahi whanaungatanga? Āe, ka taea, ina koa kei te aroha tonu koe ki tō hoa o mua. Ko te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe he huarahi tino tika ki a koe kia ara ake i roto i tōna moenga i tētahi ata. Tērā pea kua maha ngā wā i kīia atu ai koe kia kaua e noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua. Ko Riley, he kaiako kanikani nō St. Louis, i pāngia e tētahi wehenga uaua me tana hoa aroha o te kura tuarua, me te pāngia anō hoki e te mamae o tētahi whaea e mate ana i te kāinga. I whakaaro ia me hiahia ia ki tētahi punga, ā, ko tana hoa o mua, he tino atawhai, he tino manaaki tonu, te āhua nei ko ia te tangata tika mōna.

I tukua e rātou ō rātou kare ā-roto aroha kia puta mai i waenganui i tēnei ara ki tētahi oranga hauora hononga platonicKo te mea i tīmata hei hoa piripono, ka huri hei raruraru wera o ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia. Ka tīmata rāua ki te moe tahi i ngā wā katoa ka taea e rāua, ā, ka wareware ki te whakatakoto rohe, ā, nā tēnei i whakapono ai te hoa o mua kei te hiahia ia ki te hoki tahi, ā, i tino pōhēhē a Riley mō ōna kare ā-roto.

I ngana rāua ki te tuku i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki ō rāua kare ā-roto aroha, engari ka pāngia anō e te mamae me te pōuri o te wehenga. I tēnei wā, he nui ake te kawa me te mamae. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua, ehara tēnei i te huarahi tika. Ehara mātou i te kī koinei anake te huarahi e taea ai, engari koinei te mea e tupu pinepine ana ina noho hoa koe ki tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe. Me whakaaro koe ki ngā mahanga pea i mua i te uru atu ki te whakahoahoa. He nui te kaha me te pakeke e hiahiatia ana hei pupuri i tētahi whakahoahoa hauora, pērā i te pupuri i tētahi atu whanaungatanga hauora.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me waea atu ahau ki taku hoa o mua — 12 ngā tohutohu hei whakatau

3. Tērā pea ka pāngia ō whanaungatanga kē atu

He pai te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua i a koe e noho tahi ana? Ka taea e koe te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua me te kore e pā ki tō whanaungatanga o nāianei? He mea nui te whakaaro ki te pānga pea ki ngā whanaungatanga o nāianei, ki ngā whanaungatanga ā muri ake nei rānei, ina whakautua te pātai uaua, "He pai te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua?" Pērā i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, ko te pupuri i te whakahoahoa ki tētahi hoa o mua ka tango i te wā me te aro atu i ētahi atu whanaungatanga, tae atu ki ērā ki ngā hoa me te whānau. Mena ka whakaaro ō hoa, whānau rānei kua warewarehia, kua taupokina rānei e tō whakahoahoa ki tō hoa o mua, ka raru pea aua whanaungatanga.

Tērā pea koinei tētahi atu take e kīia ai kāore e taea e ngā hoa o mua te noho hei hoa. E kī ana a Nandita, "Mā te whai whakaaro ki te pānga o tēnei āhuatanga ki te whakawhirinaki me te oranga ngākau o te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana, ka pai ake te tūāpapa mō ngā whanaungatanga o nāianei me ā muri ake nei. Ko te mea nui ko te whakarite i ngā hononga o nāianei me ā muri ake nei, me te kore e whakararu i te pono o aua hononga mā te noho tonu ki ngā mea o mua." Ngā whanaungatanga Platonic vs ngā whanaungatanga romantic — whiriwhiria ma te whakaaro nui.

4. Tērā pea ka pakaru tō hoa i ngā kare ā-hae i te wā roa

Ka taea e ngā hoa o mua te noho hei hoa, ahakoa kāore he kare ā-roto? Ae, ka taea, nā te mea ina marino te puehu, ka ngana tetahi o kōrua ki te neke atu, ka tīmata ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu. Engari ko te whakautu māmā ki te pehea e noho hei hoa mō tētahi hoa o mua ko te whakakore i te hae. Ki te uru atu koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga, ki te tīmata rānei te whakaipoipo, tera pea kāore tō hoa o mua e pai ki te huringa o ngā kaupapa, ā, tera pea ka puta mai tēnei i roto i ngā huarahi kino.

He mea nui kia whakautehia te whakatau ki te whai hoa hou. I tētahi atu taha, ki te mea ko tō hoa o mua te tuatahi ki te neke atu, tera pea ka waiho koe kia pōuri, kia mamae hoki. Ka noho ēnei kare ā-roto hei herenga ina noho hoa tonu kōrua ko tō hoa o mua. He mea maori noa iho, ā, tera pea ka meinga koe kia whakapono kāore e taea e ngā hoa o mua te noho hoa. 

He mea nui tēnei hei whakaaroaro māu, nā te mea he maha ngā tūponotanga o te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua, ā, tera pea ka uru atu te hae me te riri. Ehara i te mea ka kino noa iho tēnei ki tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa o mua, engari ki tō whanaungatanga hou anō hoki. Kua rite koe mō te tūponotanga o ēnei āhuatanga kino?

5. Kāore pea kōrua e tino pono tetahi ki tetahi

Whakaarohia mēnā kei te pāngia koe e tētahi o aua pouri wehenga hurihuri i roto i tō ao. Ka pātai tō hoa o mua, kua noho hei hoa inaianei, he aha te mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe. Kāore e taea e koe te kōrero pono ki a ia me te kore e whakakorikori i ētahi huruhuru o te... attraction whaiāipo Kua pā mai anō ngā āhuatanga katoa ki a koe. Ki te mea he hoa hou tāu, kaua e kōrero tika ki tō hoa o mua mō tēnā, nā te mea e mōhio ana koe kei whara pea ō rātou kare ā-roto i tētahi wāhi.

Mā te noho hoa tonu i muri i te wehenga ka puta ake he wā whakama e hiahia ana kōrua kia karohia, ka waiho māua me te hoahoa kāore i te pono, kāore hoki i te pono. Hei whakaora i a koe i tēnei ranunga o ngā kare ā-roto, he mea pai kia kaua e noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua kia neke atu rā anō kōrua.  

E mea ana a Nandita, "Ko te pono te pūtake o ngā whakahoahoa. Ka whakapuaki ngā hoa i ngā kōrero hohonu o ō rātou oranga, tae atu ki ngā whakaaro hohonu me ngā mataku pōuri. Engari i roto i ngā āhuatanga o te whakahoahoa tata ki tētahi hoa o mua, he tino teitei te tūponotanga ka puta ake ngā patunga tawhito. Me whakaae pea tētahi o kōrua ki te pono, ki te kore ka whara pea i a rātou, i a koe anō rānei." 

6. Tērā pea ka arahi te whakahoahoa ki ngā tumanako teka

Ka taea e ngā hoa o mua te noho hei hoa, ahakoa kāore he kare ā-roto? Ae, ahakoa kei te whakaaro noa koe ki te noho hei hoa i muri i te wehenga, tera pea ka rerekē tā rātou tirohanga ki ngā mea. He rerekē rānei. A, mehemea kei te mau tonu te tumanako o tētahi o kōrua ki te tūponotanga ka ara ake anō te mura o te whanaungatanga tawhito i waenganui i a kōrua? 

Tērā pea ka whakaroa koe (tō hoa o mua rānei) i tō oranga, me te pupuri tonu ki te tumanako ka Tērā pea ka hiahia anō te hoa o mua ki a koe me te aukati i a koe anō kia kaua e whai hoa hou. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe, "Ka mutu rānei taku whakaipoipo anō i taku hoa o mua?" Ina kore ngā mea e puta mai i te huarahi i tumanakohia e koe, e te hoa rānei, ka puta he mamae nui me te riri. Koinei tētahi o ngā mea nui hei whakaaroaro. Nō reira, me āta whakaaroaro te whakautu ki te pātai, "Ka taea e koe te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua?".

Te pānui e pā ana: Ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te noho hoa?

7. Ka pāngia tō rangimārie hinengaro e tētahi āhua hoahoa pēnei

Ko tētahi o ngā take e whakaaro ana koe ki te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua, kāore anō kia neke atu. Nō reira, ka taea e koe te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua mēnā kei te pōuri koe i te whakaaro ki tō mua? Āe, mēnā kei te pupuri tonu tētahi o kōrua i ngā kare ā-roto mō tētahi atu, pērā i te nuinga o ngā wehenga, ka huri te whakahoahoa hei take pōrearea ka ngaro ai tō rangimarie o te hinengaro.

Mā te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua ka maumahara tonu koe ki te whanaungatanga me ngā maharatanga o te wā i noho tahi ai kōrua, ka noho pūmau ai kōrua ki roto i ngā kōrero o mua. Tērā pea ka ārai i a koe ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata hou. I mua i tō whakaaro me pēhea te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua, me whakarite koe kāore koe i te e ngana ana ki te hinga i tetahi He hononga aroha tō kōrua ki a ia, ā, kua rite kōrua ki te noho hei hoa.

8. Ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki anō ki a rātou?

Ahakoa ka noho tō hoa o mua hei 'hoa mōu i te 4am', hei tangata rānei e rapu awhina ana koe, hei whakamarie hoki i ngā wā katoa e pōrearea ana, ka ngaro te kaupapa matua o te whakawhirinaki me te pono i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga. Ina koa mēnā kua tīmata kōrua te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu. Kua nui ngā mea kua pā ki a kōrua, ā, tera pea kua pā ki a kōrua. take whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi. Ki te kore ēnei e whakatauhia, he mahi uaua te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua.

Ahakoa kua whakatauhia ngā take, ā, kua whakatakotohia hoki ngā rohe, he tino uaua ki te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hoa e pāngia ana e te mamae o te pakaru o tētahi hononga. "Nā te mea ko te mamae me te pōuri i puta mai i te wehenga ka mamae noa iho koe ahakoa kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaae me te awhi i ēnei kare ā-roto," te kī a Nandita. Ā, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Me pēhea taku whakakore i taku hoa o mua?" Āe, kāore pea i te pai te noho hei hoa.

9. Tērā pea ka whakararuraru koe i ō hoa

Kua kite ēnei hoa roa i a kōrua e noho tahi ana hei hoa, ā, kua kite hoki i ngā pikinga me ngā hekenga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga aroha i mua i te hinganga. Mēnā he riri kei waenganui i a kōrua, ahakoa tō kōrua whakatau kia noho hei hoa, ka puta mai pea i roto i ngā whakaekenga huna, ā, ka uaua pea tēnei ki ō hoa kē atu. Mēnā ka ngana koe ki te noho hei hoa mō tētahi hoa o mua e arohaina tonutia ana e koe, ā, mēnā kei te pāngia hoki ō whanaungatanga me ō hoa kē atu e tēnei whakahoahoa, he tohu tēnei kei reira te tikanga o te kīwaha "ka whakangaro ngā hoa o mua i ngā whanaungatanga." 

Te pānui e pā ana: Te whiriwhiri i waenga i te hoahoa me te whanaungatanga | Ko tēhea te mea hei pai ake?

10. Tērā pea ka ārai i te tupono ki te kimi i tō aroha pono

Mā te whakahoahoa ki tō hoa o mua ka pōuri pea tō whakaaro mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu, ā, ka kitea pea koe e mau ana i roto i tētahi porowhita kino o te haere ki ngā whakaipoipo, engari kāore e anga whakamua i roto i tētahi... hononga houNā te mea ka whakararuraru te noho mai o tō hoa o mua i roto i tō ao i tō kaha ki te neke whakamua me te pono. Tērā pea ka kī atu koe ki a koe anō i ētahi wā, "E aroha ana ahau ki taku hoa o mua" ka pātai rānei ki a koe anō, "Ka mutu ka piripono anō ahau ki taku hoa o mua?" Mēnā koinā te āhua, he whakaaro pai te whakakore i te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua. Me noho tahi kōrua i te whārangi kotahi mēnā he tūponotanga kia puāwai te whakahoahoa.

Kei te hiahia koe kia pāngia koe e tēnā? Ki te tuku karere koe ki a rātou i a koe e whakatau ana, e hoki mai ana rānei, e kōrero ana mō ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whakatau ki a rātou hei rapu i tā rātou whakaae, tera pea kei roto koe i tētahi wāhi kino me mawhiti atu koe. Ā, ki te whakaaro tonu koe, "Me pēhea taku wareware i taku hoa o mua?", āe, ko te noho hoa ki a rātou ehara pea i te whakaaro pai.

11. Kāore pea te whakahoahoa e whakaiti i te mamae o te wehenga

He maha ngā wā ka huri te tangata mai i te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha ki te noho hei hoa nā te mea kāore e taea e rātou te aro atu ki te kare o te mate. Ka roa pea ngā marama, tae atu ki ngā tau, ki te neke whakamua. E ai ki tētahi ako, e 11 marama te roa hei whakaora i te mamae o te ngākau. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te noho hoa koe me tētahi hoa o mua hei whakamarie noa i te te mamae o te ngākau, kei te hē katoa tāu mahi. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he aha koe kāore ai e pai ki te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua, whakaarohia ngā tirohanga e rua i mua i te uru atu ki te whakahoahoa.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te wehenga. Me pāngia koe e te mamae nui o te ngākau, e whakararuraru ana i a koe i te pō, e meinga ai koe kia tangi nui. Me whakarite koe mō tētahi awhiowhio o ngā kare ā-roto e kaha ana ki te ora ko koe anake. Ki te hiahia koe ki tētahi pakihiwi hei tautoko i a koe, he pai ake te tahuri ki ō hoa kē atu, kaua ki te haere ki te tangata nāna nei te take o tō mamae. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua. Kia mahara, ko tō whakaoranga te kawenga tuatahi. Kāore tetahi o ō hoa e taea te āwhina i a koe mēnā kei te pai koe ki te whai i te ara whakaaro nui.

12. Tērā pea ka ārai tō hoa i a koe ki te whakatau i te kaupapa matua mō tō hoa o nāianei

He onge te kitea o tētahi e pai ana ki te whakaaro kia noho hoa tā rātou hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua. Whakaarohia koe i roto i ō rātou tūnga: e hiahia ana koe kia tae mai te hoa o mua o tō hoa ki ia whakanuinga huritau, ki ia pāti rānei i te whare? E pai ana rānei ki a koe kia tukuna e ia he karere ki tā rātou hoa o mua i a ia e noho ana i tō taha? Mēnā rānei e kōrero ana mō ngā taipitopito o tō whanaungatanga ki a ia? Pātai atu ki a koe anō, "Ka taea e ngā hoa o mua te noho hoa?"

Ngā wāhanga o tētahi whanaungatanga hou tāpirihia he wāhanga pātai ka tīmata ngā hoa e rua ki te pātai i tā rāua whakatau i a rāua e tīmata ana ki te titiro atu ki tua atu i ngā mōhiti whero i muri i te wāhanga honi. Mena ka whakararuraru, ka āwangawanga hoki tō hoa o nāianei i tō whanaungatanga ki tētahi o mua, me whakaute koe i ō rāua tirohanga mō te take, me te whakaaro ko tēhea te mea nui ake. Ko tō whanaungatanga tawhito, ko tō whanaungatanga o nāianei rānei? Ki taku whakaaro kāore he tikanga o te whakakore i tētahi whanaungatanga hou mō tētahi kua memeha haere i mua, engari ko au anake tēnā. Nā te mea, kāore koe e hiahia ki te ara ake i tētahi rā pai ka mea ki a koe anō, "E aroha ana ahau ki taku hoa, engari e aroha ana hoki ahau ki taku hoa o mua..."

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Hoahoa Kāore i te Tika ina Marena - Anei Ngā Mea Me Mōhio Koe

13. Ka tino whara tetahi o koutou

Kaua e waiho te tatau kia tuwhera mō te mamae. Mena kei te rapu tonu koe i te kupu "Me pēhea taku whakakore i taku hoa o mua?", ehara pea te noho hoa ki a rātou i te whakaaro pai. Mā te noho hoa i waenganui i ngā hoa o mua ka pāngia tetahi o kōrua, e rua rānei, e te mamae me te pōuri, he mea kino rawa atu tēnei i te mea i puta mai i te wehenga. He pono rawa tēnei mena kei te noho tonu ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ā, kua roa kē kōrua e noho tahi ana me tētahi atu. Ka mamae tonu te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua i whara i a koe mena kei roto koe i tō... te tukanga whakaora i te wehenga"Kia tino tūpato ki te tino take o ō whakaaro mō te noho hoa, nā te mea ki te kore e puta mai he utu nui," te whakatūpato a Nandita. 

He Reddit kaiwhakamahi e tuhituhi ana, "E ono marama māua e noho hoa ana ki taku hoa o mua i muri i tā māua wehenga. E takakau ana māua, ka tīmata ahau ki te whakaaro "kua wareware ahau ki a ia" ā, ka taea e māua te noho "hoa noa iho" engari i tēnei rā i kōrero mai ia ki ahau mō tētahi tāne i pai ai ia ki te takaro tahi, ā, i mura ahau i roto, tera pea kei a au tonu ngā kare ā-roto mōna, engari kāore ia, i hiahia noa rānei ia kia hae ahau? KĀORE AU I TE MŌHIO, ahakoa pēhea, kua mamae ahau, ā, kāore au i whakaaro ka mamae ahau pēnei."

14. Kāore pea e taea te noho tahi me te hoa hauora

He mea noa te tūhura i ngā hoa hou me te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata hou ina rapu hoa. Engari i te ruku ki te whanaungatanga ki tētahi hoa o mua, he mea tika kia arotakehia ō whiringa mā te whakaaro nui. Engari i te kimi me pēhea te noho hoa tonu ki tō hoa o mua, he pai ake pea te tuku me te tūhura. Te whakapakari i ngā hononga o nāianei mā te te whakapau wā me ngā hoa Tērā pea ka tukuna e ngā hoa mahi o te tari he turanga pumau, he turanga whai whakaaro hoki mō ngā hononga hou. Mā te whakatata atu ki ngā whanaungatanga whakawhanaungatanga me te tirohanga hou ka taea te mārama o ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka karohia hoki ngā raruraru ka puta mai i te pupuri i te whanaungatanga tata ki tētahi o ō kōrua hītori aroha.

15. Kia maumahara ki te take i wehe ai kōrua

Ahakoa i wehe kōrua nā te taupatupatu o ngā uara me ngā whakapono, ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, i huri rānei hei raruraru te whanau paitini, ko te mea pono, kāore te whanaungatanga i roa, ā, he tohu tēnā mō te kore o te hototahitanga me ngā raruraru matua. Kia maumahara ki tēnei ina kī koe ki a koe anō, "E aroha ana ahau ki taku hoa o mua". Ko tō hiahia ki te noho hei hoa mō tētahi tangata kāore anō kia whakatauhia ō raruraru, he mea kino, ā, ka tere te huri hei mea kino. Me whakatakoto e koe he rohe. Kāore au e kī tika ana, "Kaua e noho hei hoa mō tō hoa o mua." Engari e hiahia ana ahau ki te huri i ō kanohi ki ngā take kei muri i ngā whanaungatanga kāore e pai. Ko te tūponotanga, ka pā pea ēnei take ki te whakahoahoa.

Nō reira, he pai te noho hoa ki tō hoa o mua? Māu e whakatau. Kua ngana ahau ki te whakawhānui ake i tō tirohanga ki ngā mea me āta whakaaroaro koe i mua i te tuku i a koe ki te hiahia ki te hono atu ki tō hoa o mua. He arai uaua ngā kare ā-tangata, ā, kāore he whakautu kotahi e tika ana mō te pātai me noho hoa koe ki tō hoa o mua, kāore rānei.

Kia maumahara, ehara te whakaora i te tukanga rārangi. I tētahi rā ka mea pea koe "Kāore e taea e au te noho hoa ki taku hoa o mua" ā, i tētahi atu rā ka pātai pea koe "He pai te noho hoa ki tētahi hoa o mua"? Ko tāku anake e kī atu ana kia whakaaroarohia e koe ngā kōrero i kōrerotia e tātou i roto i tēnei tuhinga, kia whakatau ai i tētahi whakatau whaitake, whai take hoki hei painga mō tō oranga ngākau i te wā roa.

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He aha te uaua ki te tuku i a koe ahakoa kāore te tangata e aroha ana ki a koe Māu?

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.