Me pēhea te kimi i te mea kotahi: 13 Ngā Tohutohu kua Whakamātauria

Me pēhea te kimi i te tangata kotahi? Ko te hiahia kia noho tahi me taua tangata motuhake, kia hono atu ki a ia, kia taea ai e koe te whakawhirinaki atu ki a ia, te kōrero mō ngā mea koretake o tō oranga o ia rā, kua whakakaha ake i ngā whainga aroha mai anō i ngā tau kua pahure ake nei. Nō reira, ehara i te mea miharo ahakoa i tēnei wā o ngā hononga tere e āwhinahia ana e te swipe i te mata, ka kitea koe e rapu ana i taua hononga motuhake ka taea anake te hanga ina kitea e koe te tangata e kore e taea e koe te noho ki waho.

Ina hoki, ehara i te mea ngāwari te kī ko te ngenge me te koretake o te kare ā-roto i puta mai i te whakaipoipo hou kua kaha ake te hiahia ki te tūtaki ki tētahi tangata motuhake me te hanga hononga pumau ki a rātou i mua. Engari ko te tikanga whakaipoipo noa me te tere o ngā hononga tere e memeha haere ana ka waiho pea te tangata kia ruarua mō ō rātou tumanakohanga. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro tētahi wāhanga o koe, "Ka kitea rānei e au te tangata tika?"

Āe, ka taea e koe, ā, ka taea e koe. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe i tēnei haerenga, arā, ko te noho hei putanga o koe e tika ana mō te tangata e hiahia ana koe ki te whakapuaki i tō oranga ki a ia, me te rapu i ngā wāhi tika me te whakatuwhera i tō ngākau me tō hinengaro kia kore ai koe e ngaro i ngā tohu tōmua kua kitea e koe te tangata tika.

He aha te tikanga o te kimi i te mea kotahi?

He aha te tikanga o te kimi i te tangata kotahi? Ā, me pēhea koe e mōhio ai ko te tangata kotahi te tangata kotahi? Kia taea ai e koe te whakautu tika i ēnei pātai, me tautuhi tuatahi koe i te tikanga o te kimi i te tangata kotahi māu ake. He mea nui tēnei nā te mea, i roto i te ahurea rongonui, he maha ngā wā ka kite tātou i ngā kiriata romcom me ngā pakiwaitara e whakaatu ana i te whakaaro o "te tangata kotahi" hei hoa wairua tino pai, tino pai e tutuki ana i ngā whakaritenga katoa. Engari i te ao tūturu, he uaua ake, he whānui ake ngā hononga aroha.

Ko te tikanga o te kimi i te mea kotahi, ehara i te mea ko te rapu i te tino tika, engari ko te kimi i tētahi e whakaaro ana he tino tika mōu. Ahakoa he rerekē te whakamāramatanga o te tūtaki ki te tangata tika mō ia tangata, ko te tikanga whānui ko te kimi i tētahi e:

• Ka tohaina ō uara
• Hei tautoko i ō kaha me ō ngoikoretanga
• E whakaae ana ki a koe me ō ngoikoretanga katoa
• Hangaia he hohonu hononga kare ā-roto mā te
• Kimihia te hototahitanga me te māramatanga tahi ki a koe
• Ka riro hei hoa, hei hoa aroha, hei hoa hoki mōu
• Ka taea e koe te kite i a koe e noho tahi ana me

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13 Ngā Tohutohu Kua Whakamātauria Hei Kimi i te Mea Kotahi

Te tūtaki ki te aroha o tōu ao, me te kimi i tōu harikoa ake ake. Te tūtaki ki te tangata tika e whakamārama ake ai tōu ao mā te noho noa ki roto. Te whakaipoipo me te kimi tonu i te tangata e tika ana. He whakaaro pai katoa ēnei e tīmata ana tātou i a tātou e rapu ana i tētahi hoa mō te ao, he tangata hei hoa mō tātou . Kātahi ka puta te ao, ā, ka tirohia te ao tūturu.

Te ngenge o te tirotiro i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo. He mamae o te ngākau. He whanaungatanga pouri. Ka wiriwirihia aua wawata. Ā, ka pātai koe, "He onge te kimi i te tangata tika? Ka kitea rānei e au te tangata tika?" Ahakoa te āhua o tō haerenga tae noa mai ki tēnei wā, ki te hiahia koe ki te kimi i te aroha mutunga kore me tō hoa wairua pono, kei konei mātou hei ārahi i a koe i tō rapunga. Me titiro tātou ki ngā tohutohu kua whakamatauria, kua whakamatautauria hoki e 13 hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i te tangata tika, hei whakarerekē hoki i tō haerenga aroha:

1. Kia mōhio koe ki a koe anō i tētahi taumata hōhonu ake

Me pēhea te mōhio ko wai te tangata tika? Me pēhea te kimi i te tangata tika? Tērā pea kei roto i tō hinengaro ō wawata me ō hiahia aroha i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakaoti i ēnei mea ngaro, heoi, kei roto i a koe te whakautu. Hei kimi i te hoa tika , hei waihanga hoki i tētahi oranga aroha whai hua, me mārama koe ki a koe anō i tētahi taumata hohonu ake.

Me whai wā koe ki te tūhura i ō hiahia, ō matea, me ō uara. Ko reira anake ka kitea e koe he hoa e tino tautoko ana i a koe. Anei ētahi huarahi māmā, whai hua hoki mō te tūhura i a koe anō hei ārahi i a koe ki te kimi i tō hoa tino pai:

• Hopukia he pene me he pepa, whakamahia rānei he taupānga tuhi rātaka, hei whakakore i ngā raruraru o tō hinengaro me te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro. Tuhia ō moemoeā, ō wawata, me tō oranga aroha tino pai.
• Waihangahia he papa tirohanga mō tō oranga whakaipoipo. Kohia he whakaahua, he kōrero, me ngā kupu e pā ana ki tō whanaungatanga e hiahiatia ana. Tāpirihia ngā mahi e pai ana ki a koe me ngā wāhi e hiahia ana koe ki te tūhura me tō hoa rangatira ā muri ake nei. Mā tēnei whakaaturanga tirohanga e aro tonu ō hiahia, ā, ka whakatenatena i a koe ki te whakatutuki i aua hiahia.
• Whakaritea ētahi wā marino mō te aro nui, kia taea ai e koe te noho tahi me te whakaaroaro ki tō oranga aroha. Kia arotahi ki ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto, ā, kia mātakitaki i ngā mea e puta ake ana. Mā tēnei mahi koe e āwhina kia mārama ai ki tō tūranga i roto i tō haerenga aroha me te mea e tino rapua ana e koe i roto i tētahi hoa.

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2. Tautuhia tō hoa pai (me te mārama)

Kei te maumahara koe ki ngā rā o mua i te wā i pātai mai ai tō hoa pai ki a koe, "Me pēhea te whakaahua i te hoa wahine o ō moemoeā?" "He aha te momo tāne ka whakaipoipo koe?" Heoi anō, he mea nui te tautuhi i tō hoa pai me te mārama i te wā e whiriwhiri ana i tō hoa ora . Nō reira, tangohia he wā ki te whakaaroaro me te hanga i tētahi rārangi o ngā āhuatanga me ngā āhuatanga e hiahiatia ana e koe i roto i tētahi hoa. Whakamātauria ēnei tohutohu:

• Tuhia he rārangi o ngā āhuatanga e whakanuia ana e koe i roto i tētahi hoa. Whakaarohia ngā āhuatanga e nui ana ki a koe — mai i te atawhai ki te pono, te wawata, te wairua whakakatakata, ngā hiahia ōrite rānei.
• Ina whakaaro koe ki ngā haki matomato, he mea nui anō hoki kia tuhia he rārangi o ngā haki whero, o ngā whanonga rānei kāore koe e hiahia kia puta i roto i tō hoa pai.
• Whakaarohia te momo aroha e rapuhia ana e koe. Tautuhia ngā mea e kore e taea te whiriwhiri ina tae mai ki ngā mea hei rapu māu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, e rapu ana koe i te mōrearea me te whakahihiri, he hiahia nui ake rānei koe ki te noho puhoi?
• Whakaarohia ō wheako o mua, ngā mea i angitu, me ngā mea kāore i angitu. Mā tēnei whakaaroaro koe e āwhina kia mārama ai ko wai te tangata tino tika māu.

3. Arotahi ki te noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe

I mua i tō tūtaki ki tētahi tangata motuhake, me whakarite kia tika koe hei tangata mā tētahi. Me mahi ki te whakatō i te māramatanga ki ō ake tauira whakaaro, ki ō whakapono, ki ō ngoikoretanga, me ō ngoikoretanga, ā, me mahi i ngā mahi whakatikatika hei whakatika i ngā mea katoa e aukati ana i a koe ki te whakatuwhera i tō ngākau me tō oranga ki te aroha pono.

Mā te whakakapi i ngā tauira kino ki ngā tauira hauora, ehara i te mea ka pai ake tō kimi i te hoa tika, engari ka taea hoki e koe te hanga hononga hauora ki a rātou. Nō reira, arotahi ki te noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te kimi i te hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.

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4. Kaua e mahi i runga i te ngakaukore

"He aha ahau te kore ai e mōhio me pēhea te kimi i taku hoa wairua?" "Ka kitea rānei e au te hoa, ka mutu ko au anake?" Ko ēnei whakaaro he tohu kei te rapu koe i tētahi hononga ki tētahi atu tangata mai i te wāhi o te pouri me te hiahia - kāore tētahi o ēnei e ātaahua. Tērā pea kei roto i ngā whanaungatanga pumau, pumau ō hoa katoa, ā, me aro nui tēnā ki te whakaaro me kimi hoki e koe te tangata kotahi hei hoa mōu. (Kia mahara ki a Rajesh Koothrappali mai i The Big Bang Theory , me tana whakatau ki te tono ki ōna mātua kia whakaritea he kōtiro māna nā te mea kua moe katoa ōna hoa. Ā, me pēhea te pahūtanga o tēnā ki tōna mata.)

Tērā pea kei te tino mōhio koe kei te tere haere te karaka koiora, ā, ko tāu noa he kimi i tō hoa rangatira i mua i te mutunga rawa. Heoi, ehara ēnei i te take tika hei rapu hoa. Me noho tahi koe me tētahi atu, nā te mea kāore e taea e koe te whakaaro ki te noho i tō oranga i tētahi atu ara, me te kore e tirotiro i tētahi pouaka o te rārangi mahi o te ao.

Ina mahi koe i te mea whakamutunga, ka whakakīia koe e te ngakau pouri, ka piri atu koe, ka whakaae ki te tangata tuatahi e pai ana ki a koe. Nā tēnei, ka mau tonu koe i roto i te hononga o ngā whanaungatanga kore e whai hua, ka waiho koe kia whakaaro, "He onge te kitea o te tangata tika? Me whakaae noa ahau ki tētahi e whakahari ana i ahau?"

5. Kia harikoa koe, ā, ka kukume mai te aroha i a koe

Kua kite kē koe i aua tāngata e whiti ana te harikoa? He mana aukume tō rātou e ngāwari ai te aroha me te pupuri i te mura . Āe, anei tētahi mea ngaro: ko te kimi i te aroha pono ka tīmata mā te kimi i te harikoa i roto i a koe anō. He rite ki tētahi mana nui e kukume ana i te aroha ki roto i tō koiora.

Ina whakaritea e koe tō harikoa, ā, ka tiakina koe e koe anō, ka tino kaha koe ki te ātete. Nō reira, haere tonu, mahia ngā mea e hari ai koe. Whaia ō hiahia, ā, karapotia koe ki te pai. Ko te tangata kua whakaritea mōu ka kitea tōna ara ki a koe.

6. Kia whakapono koe ka kitea koe e tō aroha pono

He mea tino noa te pouri ina whakapau kaha koe ki te kimi i te aroha pono, engari kāore koe e kite i ngā hua e hiahiatia ana e koe. Kaua e whakaaro ki te whakaaro pēnei i te, "Ka kitea rānei e au te aroha pono?" Engari, kia mau tonu te tumanako ka tae mai te tangata tika ki roto i tō ao i te wā tino tika.

Whakawhirinaki ki te mana o te whakaaro pai, me te whakapono he mahere tā te ao whānui māu. Ko ia hikoinga e mahia ana e koe — ahakoa kāore e ārahi tika atu i a koe ki tō aroha pono — kei te whakatata atu koe ki a rāua. Nō reira, kia mau te whakapono pumau i roto i tō haerenga, me te rapu tonu me te ngākau tumanako. Kia mahara, ina whakapau kaha koe ki te rapu i te aroha pono, ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka kitea e koe te hononga ki tō hoa wairua.

7. Kia tuwhera ki nga wheako hou

Awhitia ngā wā ohorere ka arahi pea ki tētahi mea motuhake, ahakoa he tīmatanga kōrero ki tētahi i te whare kawhe (tērā pea ka arahi ki ētahi hui kawhe pai ), he hononga ki tētahi i tētahi huihuinga pāpori, he tūtaki rānei ki tētahi i a koe e haereere ana. Kāore koe e mōhio ana ko te wā me te wāhi ka tūtaki koe ki te tangata e tika ana māu.

Puta atu i tō rohe whakamarie, whakamātauria ngā mahi hou, uru atu rānei ki ngā hapori e rite ana ki ō hiahia. Mā tēnei ka āwhina koe ki te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata whakaaro rite, ā, tera pea ko rātou "te tangata tika". Anei ētahi whakaaro:

• Tīmatahia tētahi mahi whakangahau hou, haere ki tētahi awheawhe, ki tētahi wānanga rānei, mahi tūao rānei mō tētahi kaupapa e whakapono ana koe. Mā tēnei ka tūtaki koe ki te tini o ngā tāngata, ka piki ake ai ō tupono ki te kimi i tētahi hoa hototahi.
• Tūhurahia ngā papaaho ipurangi, ngā huihuinga, ngā rōpū pāpāho pāpori rānei e aro nui ana ki ngā kaupapa, ki ngā mahi rānei e ngākau nui ana koe
• Kia mataara ki ngā huihuinga ā-rohe, ngā hakari, ngā huihuinga rānei e hangai ana ki ō hiahia, ki ō uara rānei. He maha ngā wā ka kukume mai ēnei huihuinga i ngā tāngata he rite ō rātou hiahia, ā, ka whakaratohia he taiao marino, he taiao ngahau hoki hei tūtaki ki taua tangata tino pai.

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8. Kōrero ki ō hoa me tō whānau

Kia maumahara koe ki te mōhio o tō whaea ka tinihanga tō hoa kura tuarua i a koe, ka whati tō ngākau? Ka maumahara koe ki te kōrero a tō hoa pai ki a koe he tino pai taua tangata mōu? He pono, ko wai atu hei āwhina i te hunga e aroha ana ki a koe, e mōhio ana ki a koe, e tino manaaki ana hoki i a koe?

Mena kāore anō kia angitu te kimi hoa, me tono atu ki a rātou mō ngā tohutohu mō te momo tangata e tika ana kia whakaipoipo koe. Ki te kore koe e pai ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro ki ō hoa, ki tō whānau rānei mō tēnei mea, rapua he tokorua he whanaungatanga hauora, he whanaungatanga roa hoki . Whakapā atu ki a rātou, kia kōrero pono ai. Tērā pea ka whiwhi koe i ētahi whakaaro utu nui.

9. Haere ki ngā wāhi e rite ana ōu hiahia ki a koe

Me pēhea te kimi i te tangata tika, e pātai ana koe? Mā te rapu noa i ngā wāhi tika. Ko te rapunga "me pēhea te kimi i taku hoa wairua" ka nui rawa ō whakaaro, ka nui rawa rānei ō ngana ki te kimi i te tangata tino tika ka tomo noa mai ki roto i tō ao ka whakamīharo i a koe. Engari e ai ki tā mātou kōrero, ina kōrerohia te tikanga o te kimi i te tangata, ko te mea nui ko te rapu i tētahi e tino tika ana māu.

He pai te kimi i tētahi tangata whakaaro rite, he rite ōu hiahia me ōu wawata hei tīmatanga pai mō tō haerenga ki te kimi i tētahi e kore e taea e koe te noho ki waho. Nā te mea, he aha te mea pai atu i te kimi i ngā huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi hei hanga hononga pono?

E mea ana a Dave (27) nō Colorado, i tūtaki ki tana hoa rangatira i tētahi huihuinga ohorere, "Kia tūpato ki ngā tohu tōmua kua tūtaki koe ki te tangata e tika ana. Ko te tūtaki ki te aroha o tō ao, te tūtaki rānei ki te tangata tika, he maha ngā wā ka puta mai he hononga hohonu me te hototahi. Nō reira, kia tino mohio kei a kōrua ētahi hiahia me ngā mahi whakangahau ōrite."

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10. Haere ki tētahi kaiako whanaungatanga, ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei

Kei te āwangawanga koe kei kore rawa koe e kite i te aroha pono? Mena kei roto koe i tētahi wā uaua, rapua he tohutohu mai i tētahi tohunga whanaungatanga, i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei. Ka taea e rātou te tuku whakaaro nui me te āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake ki a koe anō, kia hurahia ngā tauira me te tūhura i ō kare ā-roto. Ka taea e rātou te ārahi i a koe ki te kimi i tō hoa noho hototahi.

E kī ana a Derek (35) nō Florida ki a tātou, "Tērā pea kua hoha koe ki te kore e tūtaki ki te tangata tika. Kāore rānei te tangata i whakaaro koe ko ia te tangata e hiahia ana ki ngā mea ōrite ki a koe, ā, ka oma atu i te tohu tuatahi kei te rapu koe i tētahi whanaungatanga nui . Nā, me pēhea koe e mōhio ai ko ia te tangata tika? Mai i taku wheako, ka taea e au te kī he tino whai hua te rapu tohutohu mai i tētahi kaiako whanaungatanga, i tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei i roto i ēnei āhuatanga. Ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i te haerenga o te tūtaki ki tētahi tangata motuhake. Pērā i taku take, te tūtaki ki te aroha o tō ao!"

11. Whakatairangahia te hanga hononga whanaungatanga

"Kua kitea e rātou te mea e tika ana mō rātou." Kua pēnei rānei ō whakaaro ina titiro koe ki tētahi tokorua e karapoti ana i a koe? Tērā pea ko tō matua keke me tō whaea kēkē, ko tō hoa pai me tana hoa tāne, he tokorua tawhito kua moe tāne rānei i tō rohe. He pono, he rerekē ā rāua kōrero aroha, engari ka kite koe i tētahi āhuatanga noa - ko tā rāua hononga he mea hanga i runga i te turanga o tētahi hoahoa pakari.

Koia te take he mea tino nui te hanga hoa mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te kimi i te hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga, ki te kimi rānei i te hoa e kore e taea e koe te noho ki waho. Tohutohu ngaio: Ki te whakaaro tetahi he hoa tino piripono ia, ka kata koe ahakoa i ngā rā pouri, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakapuaki i ō mea ngaro katoa me te kore e manukanuka, tirohia he tohu! Koinei ngā tohu tōmua kua tūtaki koe ki te hoa.

Pānui e pā ana: E toru ngā momo aroha e taka ana ki roto i tō oranga: te ariā me te hinengaro kei muri

12. Whakamātauria ngā taupānga whakaipoipo ipurangi

Ka kitea e au te aroha i runga i tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo? He taea te whakaipoipo me te kimi i te aroha kotahi? He onge te kimi i te aroha kotahi, inā koa i tēnei wā o te whakaipoipo hou ? Mena kua whakaaro koe ki tēnei, kia mōhio koe he tokomaha ngā tāngata kua kitea he whanaungatanga whai tikanga mā te whakaipoipo ipurangi.

Anei ngā mea hei āwhina: he pikitia kōtaha ātaahua (me tāpiri he tohu parauri mēnā kei tō kuri), he kōtaha pono (kaua he whare wānanga rūpahu, he kōrero haere rānei), me te whai wā ki te mōhio ki ō hoa taumau pea. Nā, ki te mea kua rite koe, anei ētahi taupānga whakaipoipo ipurangi rongonui, inā koa mō ngā whanaungatanga pono:

• eHarmony
• Parakati.com
• Poihaki
• Ka Kaapu te Kaaapu
• Elitamatirua
• Ngahoro
• Hinge
• Te Rōpū

13. Whakamātauria ngā rā matapo

"I taku tūtakitanga ki tō whaea, i rite ahau ki te mea ka taea e au te manawa anō," te kōrero a Jack Pearson o This is Us ki āna tamariki. I tūtaki ia ki a Rebecca i tētahi rā matapo engari kāore i tino kaha te hononga i te tīmatanga. Heoi, he mahere kē tā te ao tūroa. I tūtaki anō rāua i taua ahiahi. I a rāua e kōrero hohonu ana, ka mura te mura, ā, ka mōhio rāua he mea motuhake kei waenganui i a rāua.

E mahara ana ia i muri i ngā tau maha, "I te ngana noa ahau ki te kimi i tētahi wāhi marino hei pānui i taku pukapuka, kātahi ka kite ahau i a koe. Ā, ki taku whakaaro, ina takakau koe, ā, e ngana ana koe kia noho, e mōhio ana koe, "Āe, kāore au e hiahia ki tētahi", kei reira tonu tēnei tangata kotahi, tēnei tangata kotahi e ... patu ana i a koe."

Mena kua wehe atu koe i tētahi hononga roa, kua ngaro rānei tō whakapono ki te aroha pono, ki ngā hononga pakeke rānei , he pai pea te wā matapo hei mea e hiahiatia ana e koe. He rite tonu te whakamarie ki te aloe vera i runga i te kiri kua wera i te rā — he tirohanga hou, ā, ka taea hoki te tūtaki ki tō hoa rangatira. Whakapono mai, ka taea e ngā wā matapo te ohorere i a koe i ngā huarahi kāore i whakaarohia e koe!

Kia maumahara, ko te haerenga o te kimi i te hoa rangatira e kī ana i te kimi i a koe anō, te tipu whaiaro, me ngā mea whakahihiri. Ae, e kore e tupu i roto i te rā kotahi, engari me ēnei tohutohu kei roto i te hinengaro, kāore koe e tatari roa, e ngaro rānei te tumanako. Kia pai te haerenga, kia noho pai, me te whakapono kei te haere mai te mea pai rawa atu. Kei waho noa atu tō hoa tino pai, e tatari ana ki te whakapuaki i tētahi kōrero aroha whakamiharo ki a koe!

Te Whakaipoipo i ngā Tāne Poto: Ngā Painga, Ngā Huakore, me Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakaoti

Ngā momo aroha 13 kua pā ki a koe (ka pā rānei ki a koe) i te iti rawa i te kotahi!

13 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Hei Kumea Mai Te Aroha Ki Tō Ao

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.