Kei roto koe i tētahi o aua āhuatanga ina pātai mai tētahi ki a koe mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, ka whakaae koe, engari i muri i te marama ka pātai mai tētahi atu mēnā kei te piripono koe ki tētahi, kāore koe i te tino mōhio me aha koe? Ki te whakapono koe he maha ngā wā ka pā mai tēnei ki a koe, kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga e rua, e rua, e rua rānei.
Ka taea e koe te whakaaro he rite tonu te āhua o aua whanaungatanga ki te hurihuri. Ehara i te mea ka pātai noa koe i tō whakaaro me tō wairua, engari ka kino hoki ki tō oranga whānui. Ka tino pāngia tō wairua pumau, ā, kāore koe e noho haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te whakaaro tonu koe āhea ka puta te pakanga, te wehenga rānei e whai ake nei.
Ā, kei reira anō te ngākau pouri me te hiahia kia hoki tahi anō ahakoa e mārama ana ki te katoa engari ko koe anake kāore e pai. I roto i ētahi whanaungatanga e rua, e rua, e rua, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te kite i te māramatanga me te mahi tahi i ā rātou raruraru i runga i te rangimarie me te rangimarie. Engari ko ētahi he tohutao mō te aituā, ā, he nui ake tā rātou e tango ana i tā rātou e hoatu ana.
He aha te āhua o te whanaungatanga "hoki tonu"?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ina tīmata te haere tahi a te tokorua, ka tino pai te hononga, ka uru ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Kāore rānei. Waihoki, i te nuinga o te wā, ka wehe te tokorua i te mutunga ka mate te mura. He mea noa ēnei āhuatanga katoa. Heoi, ina tūtaki te tokorua, ka wehe nā ētahi take, ka hoki anō ina hoki mai te mura, kātahi ka wehe anō, koinei te āhua o tētahi whanaungatanga "hoki anō, hoki anō".
E ai ki ngā tatauranga, tata ki te 60% o ngā taiohi e pāngia ana e te whanaungatanga kotahi, he whanaungatanga anō, he whanaungatanga anō. Ka tino kino, ka whakararuraru hoki tēnei āhua. I tētahi atu taha, me tango he tauira mō Jessica Biel, he kaiwhakaari-tauira, me Justin Timberlake, he kaiwaiata-kaitito waiata. I wehe rāua i te marama o Poutū-te-rangi 2011, engari i moe rāua i te tau 2012, ā, kei te noho tahi tonu rāua mai i taua wā.
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I muri i tō rāua wehenga, i roto i tētahi uiuinga, i kī a Timberlake ko Biel "te tangata tino nui o tōku ao." I tāpiri atu ia, "I roto i ōku tau 30, ko ia te tangata tino motuhake, āe? Kāore au e hiahia ki te kōrero atu i ētahi atu kōrero, nā te mea me tiaki e au ngā mea e arohaina ana e au—hei tauira, ko ia." He tino taonga. I toa tō rāua aroha i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, ā, kāore e taea e mātou te harikoa atu mō rāua.
He aha ngā take e puta ai ngā whanaungatanga takitahi, takitahi?
E hiahia ana mātou kia whakaratohia e ō mātou hoa ngā mea katoa mā mātou, kia noho hei mea katoa mā mātou, kia tutuki hoki ā mātou hiahia katoa. He mea koretake tēnei, ā, i ētahi wā ko tētahi o ngā take mō te whanaungatanga tonu. E mārama ana, kāore e taea e te tangata kotahi te noho hei peeke whaiaro māu mō ō hiahia, ō wawata, me ō moemoeā kāore anō kia tutuki. Me tuku e koe ētahi mea, me te mahara ehara tēnei tangata i konei hei hoa māu anake, engari hei tangata takitahi anō hoki māna.
Waihoki, tera ētahi wā ka tino pai te tokorua mō tetahi ki tetahi i roto i ngā mahi ā-ira, engari ko rātou te hunga tino uaua ki te pupuri i te rangimārie i ētahi atu wāhanga o tā rāua whanaungatanga. Kāore e taea e rāua te whakaaro kua ngaro atu i a rāua tētahi mea tino hihiri, nō reira ka hoki tahi rāua i muri i ia wehenga, ahakoa te āhua kino. Engari, ehara i te mea pōuri katoa. Kei a mātou ngā purongo pai rawa atu mō te whanaungatanga, mai i te ao rongonui.
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"Ki te aroha koe ki tētahi mea, tukua atu, ki te hoki mai anō…?" – I te marama o Mei 2022, i tuhia e JoJo Siwa tēnei taitara i raro i tētahi whakaahua aroha me Kylie Prew i runga i te Instagram, ā, i tino pōuri mātou katoa. Kua hoki tahi a Siwa rāua ko Prew i muri i te whitu marama i tō rāua wehenga! Tata ki te kotahi tau te roa o te noho tahi, ka wehe a Siwa rāua ko Prew i te marama o Noema 2021. I tēnei wā, i noho tonu rāua hei "hoa pai" ā, e ai ki tā Siwa, "ka kaha rawa atu" rāua tetahi ki tetahi.
I tāpiri atu ia, "He tino waimarie ahau kāore ia i ngaro katoa i ahau, nā te mea, ahakoa ka mutu ngā whanaungatanga, kāore e tika kia mutu ngā hoahoa." E hari ana mātou kua hoki mai anō tēnei tokorua ātaahua, e homai ana i ngā whāinga hoahoa me ngā whāinga whanaungatanga. He tino āwhina te turanga pakari o te hoahoa i ngā tokorua ki te whakahaere i tētahi whanaungatanga e rerekē ana, e rerekē ana.
Heoi anō, tera ētahi wā kāore e pai, ā, me wehe kē atu kōrua tetahi i tetahi – mō ake tonu atu. Ina tino aroha koe ki tētahi, ehara i te mea ngāwari te tuku i a rātou. He uaua ake te tapahi i ngā hononga ina kāore tētahi, e rua rānei o te hunga i roto i te whanaungatanga i te harikoa tetahi ki tetahi, engari kāore anō hoki rāua i te rite ki te neke atu. He maha ngā take kei muri i te whanaungatanga e kore e mutu. Anei ētahi o aua take:
1. Te kore e taea te whakataurite i te whanaungatanga me te oranga
He uaua te whakatere i te ao. He maha ngā mea me tiaki e te tangata ka tangohia atu i a rātou te aroha. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, kāore pea te tangata e kaha ki te arotahi ki te whanaungatanga. Nō reira ka wehe rāua engari hoki mai ano me tā rātou hoa rangatira ina ngāwari haere te ao.
I pā tēnei ki tētahi tokorua rongonui. Nā te mate urutā i whakatū he hononga ā-wā i waenganui i a rāua! Tekau mā whitu tau te roa o te marena a Ben Stiller, te kaiwhakaari-kaihanga-kaiwhakahaere, rāua ko Christine Taylor, te kaiwhakaari. I wehe rāua i te tau 2017 engari i noho whānau tonu rāua nā ā rāua tamariki. Kātahi, i miharo te katoa, i te panuitanga a Stiller i te Hui-tanguru 2022: "I wehe māua, ā, i hoki tahi anō māua, ā, e harikoa ana māua mō tēnā. He tino mīharo tēnei mō māua katoa. He mea ohorere, ā, ko tētahi o ngā mea i puta mai i te mate urutā." I tino mōhio rāua ki te whakahaere i tētahi whanaungatanga ā-wā, ā-wā anō.
Nā, i tēnei wā, he aha tō whakaaro? He pai te whanaungatanga "hoki atu"? Ki tā mātou whakaaro he pai rawa atu tēnā mō rātou. I tangohia e rātou he wā hararei nā ō rātou raruraru, kāore i whara i te mana o tētahi ki tētahi i te aroaro o te marea, i pupuri tonu ko rātou he whānau tuatahi, ā, i te taenga ki te wā hei whakaora me te noho tahi, i mahia e rātou tēnā me te atawhai. I roto i tō rātou whanaungatanga "hoki atu", i aroha me te ngākau aroha tonu rātou tetahi ki tetahi.
2. Koretake
He kaha te hononga o ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine. E rite ana te āhua o te hononga ki a rāua, engari kāore e taea e rāua te whakaae ki tētahi mea. Ko te nuinga o ā rāua kōrero ka huri hei tautohetohe. Heoi, ka hokihoki tonu rāua nā te mea he hononga e kore e taea te whakakorekore.
Engari me pēhea te mōhio kua mutu te whanaungatanga ā-wā, ā-wā anō? Hei tauira, ko te whanaungatanga i waenganui i te kaiwaiata-kaituhi waiata a Miley Cyrus me te kaiwhakaari a Liam Hemsworth. Ko tā rāua whanaungatanga e whakarapopoto ana i te tikanga o te whanaungatanga ā-wā anō, ā-wā anō. Koinei te whakamāramatanga o te hononga kore pumau i huri hei hononga kino mō rāua tokorua. Me whakamārama anō tātou.
I tīmata tā rāua whakaipoipo i te tau 2010, ā, e rua ngā wā i wehe ai rāua i taua tau anō, engari i ia wā ka hoki anō rāua, ka taumau i te tau 2012, ka wehe i te tau 2013, ka noho hei "hoa pai", ka taumau anō i te tau 2016, ka moe i te tau 2018, ā, i te mutunga ka wehe i te tau 2019. Kāore he take ki te kī, i ngahau ngā pāpāho, i horahia te raruraru ki ngā wāhi katoa, ā, i mamae te tokorua i roto i ēnei mea katoa.
I te marama o Poutū-te-rangi 2022, i te wā o tētahi whakaaturanga, ka kawea mai e Cyrus tētahi tokorua takatāpui ki runga i te atamira mō tā rāua tono marena, ā, ka mea atu ia ki a rāua, "E hine, ko taku tumanako ka pai ake tō kōrua marena i tāku...he aituā nui tāku." He kōrero rongonui tā rāua mō tētahi whanaungatanga pumau mō ngā tau maha.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ina mōhio koe kua tae ki te wā hei wehe
Koinei te wā e huri haere ana koe i roto i ngā porowhita, kāore he mutunga ki ngā take kei mua i a koe, ā, kua rapua e koe ngā huarahi katoa hei 'whakatika' i ō raruraru engari kāore i angitu i ngā wā katoa - ā, ka hoki anō koe ki ngā tauira o te kore aro, te kawa, te whawhai, te wahangu rānei. Koinei te huarahi e mōhio ai koe kua mutu te whanaungatanga, he rerekē, he rerekē.
3. Te kore korero
Ko te nuinga o ngā raruraru i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka tīmata i tētahi te kore koreroKoinei tonu te āhua o te whanaungatanga, he rerekē, he rerekē. Ko te wehenga te āhua nei he kōwhiringa māmā ake kia kore rā anō e taea e te tokorua te noho tawhiti tetahi i tetahi, kātahi ka hoki anō tetahi ki tetahi i ngā wā katoa. Tērā pea ka arahi tēnei ki tētahi whanaungatanga rerekē mō ngā tau.
Engari ko te mea e ngaro ana, ā, e ngaro tonu ana, ko te korenga o rātou i ako i ngā momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e pai ana mō rātou. Kāore rātou i ako i te huarahi pai ki te kōrero mō ngā kaupapa e whakapataritari ana, e ahotea ana, e whakaohooho ana rānei. Nō reira, kei te haere tonu tā rātou whakapataritari tetahi i tetahi, te whakapouri rānei tetahi i tetahi, me te haere tonu ki te whakapāha me te whakatika i ngā hapa.
Me mārama hoki ēnei tāngata he reo aroha tō ia tangata, tō ia tangata, ā, reo whakapāha ā, me ako hoki rātou ki ngā āhuatanga o tā rātou hoa kia pai ake ai tā rātou whakawhitiwhiti kōrero.
4. Hītori roa
Kua roa pea te noho tahi o tētahi tokorua, ā, kāore e hiahia kia wehe nā te mea he nui ngā kare ā-roto me ngā whakaaro e pā ana ki a rāua. Heoi, kāore hoki rāua e hiahia kia noho tahi. Nā tēnei whakapoauautanga ka hua ake he huringa o tētahi whanaungatanga e kore e taea te noho tahi mō ngā tau.
Ko ēnei momo tāne me ngā wāhine, he roa nei ō rātou hītori noho tahi, he kare ā-roto, he uaua hoki, ka whakakorekore i te aroaro o ngā pakanga i ētahi atu wāhanga o ō rātou oranga. Nā te mea kāore e taea e rātou te whakaaro i tētahi oranga me te kore tetahi i tetahi. Ka pakaru tonu rātou ina kua makona, engari kāore e taea e rātou te haere tawhiti atu i ō rātou pūtake me te whānau, arā, tetahi i tetahi.
Nō reira, e mārama ana, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te tuku i tētahi mea whai tikanga, engari kāore hoki e taea te tu atu ki ngā take e puta tonu mai ana. Ahakoa ki a rātou, te āhua nei kāore e taea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga pōrearea pērā i a rātou, ahakoa ngā mahi e mahia ana e rātou. He tino rerekē rātou engari he uaua ki te whakaae ki tēnā.
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Me pēhea te wāwāhi i te huringa o tētahi whanaungatanga e hokihoki ana, e hokihoki ana?
Me pēhea te wikitoria i tētahi whanaungatanga, he rerekē, he rerekē anō? Pērā anō i te wikitoria i tētahi whanaungatanga, engari me te tautoko nui mai i ngā hoa, tae atu ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, me te piripono kaha ki ngā rohe me te ture kore-pā tāpirihia hei mehua pai. Ki te kore, ka hoki anō koe ki te hononga tawhito o te whanaungatanga ki runga, ki raro, ki raro.
I tētahi atu taha, he āhua porowhita kino pea tēnei, engari HE tūponotanga kei reira kia angitu ai tō whanaungatanga i ētahi wā, i ētahi wā. Tērā pea he nui ake te haumi ki te taha hinengaro me te taha kare ā-roto, engari ko te mea nui ko tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te wawahi i te porowhita o te whanaungatanga i ētahi wā, me pānui tonu!
1. Kimihia te māramatanga o tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi
Ko te mea tuatahi me mahi e koe hei wawahi i te huringa o te whanaungatanga whakamuri me te whakamuri ko te kimi i te pūtake o tēnei koretake. Mena kua roa kōrua ko tō hoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga koretake, kia mārama koe mēnā kei roto kōrua i tēnei whanaungatanga mō te aroha, mō te hītori rānei.
I tētahi atu taha, ki te kī koe he rerekētanga, he kore rānei o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tō whanaungatanga, ā, me whakaae koe ki tēnā, ā, me mahi i te whanaungatanga kia rite. Ka tīmata katoa mā te kimi māramatanga mō tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi, me te mea hoki kei te hiahia tonu koe ki te noho tonu.
2. Kōrerohia ō raruraru ki a koutou anō
Pērā i te nuinga o ngā raruraru whanaungatanga, ka kino pea ngā whanaungatanga takahurihuri nā te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ko te tikanga o te whanaungatanga takahurihuri, takahurihuri, ko te haere i roto i ngā wā kāore e rongo tetahi i tetahi. Nō reira, me aro atu koe ki te ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i tō whanaungatanga, tuatahi me te tuatahi.
Me noho tahi tō hoa rangatira, me kōrero pono ki a ia mō ngā hapa o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. I te nuinga o te wā, mā te kōrero ka ea te nuinga o ngā raruraru. Ka taea te angitu o te whanaungatanga i waenga i ngā wā, i waenga rānei, mēnā ka taea e ngā taha e rua te noho tahi me te kōrero mō ngā take me te kimi i ngā otinga pono mō aua raruraru.
3. Kia mōhio koe kei te mārama tō hoa ki a koe
I roto a Sarah i tētahi hononga āpiti-āpiti, āpiti-āpiti, nō reira i whakatau ia ki te kōrero ki a ia, kia hurihia ai te whanaungatanga hei tētahi o ngā kōrero angitu mō te whanaungatanga āpiti-āpiti. I whakatenatena ia i a James me whai huarahi rāua kia angitu ai, engari i tere tonu tana mōhio kāore a James i te tino aro nui ki a ia, ā, ka mau anō rāua ki te hononga āpiti-āpiti.
Tērā pea kei te tumanako koe kia angitu tō whanaungatanga, ahakoa he aha, he aha, engari he aha, kei te hiahia pea tō hoa ki te wehe. Tērā pea kāore e taea e rātou te kōrero mārama atu ki a koe. Kia angitu ai tō whanaungatanga, me whakarite e koe te hiahia pono o tō hoa kia angitu tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, kei te kotahi te whakaaro o kōrua.
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4. Whakangāwari, mēnā e tika ana
Tērā pea ētahi wā ka hiahia ngā tāngata e rua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kia angitu, engari kāore e taea e rāua te rapu i te pūtake o te raruraru, nō reira kāore e taea e rāua te wehe atu i te huringa. Mena ko koe tētahi o te hunga kāore e mōhio he aha te take he paitini ai tō rāua whanaungatanga, he pai pea tēnei ki a koe. whakataa i te whanaungatanga ā, whakaaroarohia ngā take.
5. Kaua e waea atu, e tuku karere rānei ki a rātou ina mokemoke koe
I whakataa a Emily rāua ko Pamela mō tētahi wā poto nā te mea kua mau rāua i roto i te hononga e rua, e rua rānei ngā wā. Heoi, i waea tonu a Pamela ki a Emily i ia rua, i ia rua rānei rā nā te mea i pōuri ia, ā, kāore i te mōhio me pēhea te noho i te ao me te kore ia i roto. Kāore i te wā a Emily ki te whakatau i ā rāua raruraru, ā, i wehe atu ia i a Pamela ahakoa kāore ia i hiahia.
Ka taea e koe te whakakore i tētahi hononga e pā ana ki tētahi atu hononga? Ka taea e koe, engari he uaua, ā, ka roa te maumaharatanga o aua hononga. Nō reira, ka tino tohutohu mātou kia kaua e rite ki a Pamela. Ki te mea kua whakatau koe ki te okioki, kia mau tonu. He paitini ngā hononga e pā ana ki tētahi atu hononga, kaua e kino rawa atu mā te wero i tō hoa, ā, ka kitea koe kei te wehe kē koe.
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6. Kōrero ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau pēnei, ina koa kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga tautohe. Ka hoki tonu koe ki tō hoa mō tētahi take, ā, i muri i tētahi wā, ka mutu tō tirohanga mārama ki ngā mea.
Mō taua take anō, me kōrero koe ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe mō ō raruraru. Ki te whakaaro koe kāore ō hoa, ō whanaunga rānei e mārama, kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Ka taea e rātou te whakarato i tētahi tirohanga tuatoru ki a koe, me te kore whakahē.
7. Ina kore tetahi mea e pai, kua tae ki te wā hei whakamutu i te whanaungatanga
Hei tā te kōrero, kua ngana koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa. Kua kōrero anō hoki koe ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe, engari kāore he mea e pai ana. Mēnā koinei te āhua, me whakamutu rawa te whanaungatanga, ahakoa he hītori tō kōrua, ahakoa he tino aroha koe ki te tangata.
Ko te tino take he maha ngā mahi e mahi tahi ana, e mahi tahi ana, e mahi tahi ana. he paitini ngā whanaungatanga ā, me tiaki koe i a koe anō – kaua tetahi mea e nui ake i tō hauora hinengaro. Ki te whakaaro koe kua kore he kaupapa mō tō whanaungatanga, kati te whanaungatanga, tīmatahia he oranga hou me te kore tō hoa rangatira.
Heoi, he maha ngā take e whakahou ai te whanaungatanga o te tangata ki ō rātou hoa. Kei te noho tonu te wehi kei kore e kitea he tangata kē atu, ā, ka noho ko koe anake. Mēnā kei a koe ngā kare ā-roto mō tō hoa, ka whakapau kaha tonu koe kia angitu.
Heoi, he iti noa iho ngā kōrero angitu mō ngā whanaungatanga e pā ana ki ngā wā katoa. Tērā pea ko tāu tētahi o aua kōrero, engari ki te mea kua roa koe e noho ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e pā ana ki ngā wā katoa, me haere atu koe nā te mea kāore e tika te noho pēnei ki a kōrua. Ahakoa he aha tāu e whakatau ai, kia mau tonu koe ki tēnā, kia puta atu hoki i te huringa.
FAQs
Ka taea e ngā whanaungatanga taupatupatu, taupatupatu, taupatupatu te whai hua mēnā kāore i te tino kino te take. Mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga taupatupatu, taupatupatu, taupatupatu, nā te kore taurite, ka kitea tonutia he huarahi hei puta. Heoi, ki te mea ko te take o tō whanaungatanga e kore e taurite ana ko te kore hototahi, kāore e whai hua.
Hei puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga pōrearea, me mārama tuatahi koe ki te pūtake o te koretake. Kātahi ka tirohia mēnā ka taea te whakatau i ngā raruraru. Ki te taea te whakatau, me kōrero mārire ki tō hoa. Ki te nui ake ngā raruraru i te whanaungatanga, whakamutua te whanaungatanga mō ake tonu atu me te whakatau pūmau kia kaua rawa e hoki ki a rātou. Ki te āwhina, whakapā atu ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe hei pupuri i a koe kia matara atu i tō hoa o mua.
Ina mōhio koe kua mutu te whakapau kaha a tō hoa ki te whakahaere i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ina mōhio rānei koe kua hoha koe ki te noho tahi, ki te noho tahi, ā, ka tīmata te riri ki a koe, koinā te wā ka mōhio koe kua mutu te whanaungatanga, he noho tahi, he noho tahi. Ahakoa te āhua nei ko te mutunga o te ao, ehara. Whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou!
Te Whakaipoipo i tētahi Kaitākaro – Whāia ēnei Ture 11 kia kore ai e whara
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
