E tino mārama ana te take e hiahia ana koe ki te āwhina i tēnei wāhanga. He maha ngā tāne e hē ana ki te kaha rawa atu, ki te huna rawa rānei i a rātou e ngana ana kia kitea koe. Kāore au e hiahia kia whakaaro te kōtiro he whakamataku koe, he ngaro rānei, nō reira, anei ngā tinihanga ngāwari e 18 hei kukume i te aro o te kōtiro.
Me tēnei kohinga o ngā whakaaro kua roa e whai hua ana mō te wahine, arā, ko koe, he tino maha āu whiringa. Nō reira, whiriwhiria ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe. Kia mutu tēnei pānui, kua mōhio koe ki te huarahi hei wahine ataahua!
18 Ngā Tinihanga Māmā Hei Whakaoho i te Aro o te Kōtiro
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E mea tonu ana tōku pāpā, kāore tātou e hiahia ki te "whiwhi" i te aro, engari me "uwhi" tātou. Ko tāna tikanga, me whakaatu e tātou ki te tangata te take e tika ana kia whakapaua tō tātou wā. Ā, pērā tonu, kua tutuki i a Pāpā te whāinga. He rerekē ki te whakapono rongonui, ehara i te mea uaua te whiwhi i te aro o tētahi kōtiro ātaahua. Kāore he nui o ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e ngā kōtiro.
E hiahia ana rātou kia noho tahi me tētahi tangata pai. Nō reira, mā tēnei aratohu koe e whakapai ake i a koe anō. Ina koa mēnā kei te ngana koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro me te kore e kōrero ki a ia, me mōhio koe ki te kawe i a koe anō kia arohia ai koe. Kua roa koe e hiahia ana kia noho hei tāne e tahurihia ana ō rātou mahunga e te katoa, kāore?
Ā, ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, me whakapai ake e koe tō pūmanawa Insta. Kaua e tuku noa i ngā whakaahua hoha o mua ki tō pūrākau me te tumanako ka whakautu mai ia. Ko te nui ake o te whakamere o tō aroaro i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, ko te pai ake o ō tupono. PS: Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te kukume i tōna aro mā te neke ki roto i ana DM, kia kaua e tino kaha rawa.
Kei roto koe i ngā ringa pai rawa atu i ahau, ā, māku koe e ako ki te kimi i te taurite ina kei te e ngana ana ki te kukume i te kotiro. Me whakautu tāu pātai, “Me pēhea te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro?”
1. Ko te whakapono te kī ki te nuinga o ngā raka
Koinei tētahi o ngā mahi tinihanga tawhito hei whakaoho i te whakaaro o tētahi kōtiro ki a koe. Ki te whakatata atu koe ki a ia me te ruarua, ka mōhio ia. I mua i tana mōhio he pai koe, me mōhio koe ki a koe anō. Ā, ko te nuinga o ngā tāne ka whakaiti i a rātou anō; kāore pea ia i waho i tō taumata, ā, he tino ātaahua ake koe i tō whakaaro. Nō reira, kia ara ake tō mahunga, kia whakatata atu ki a ia me te ōrite. Ko te whakapono ki a ia te mahi tinihanga māmā rawa hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro.
2. He mea nui te akuaku me ngā tikanga
Kāore e taea e au te whakanui rawa i tēnei. He nui te rerekētanga o te kaukau pai me te pahau kua ata whakapaipaihia. He pono te kōrero – me kakahu koe mō te wāhanga e hiahiatia ana e koe. Ki te hiahia koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro, haere ki tō kaiheu inaianei! Ko tētahi o ngā mea tuatahi ka kite ahau mō tētahi tāne ko te ātaahua o tōna āhua; he mea tino kore e whakaaetia te makawe tawhito, te manawa haunga, ngā taringa paru, ngā maikuku kāore anō kia tapahia, me ngā kākahu kua miro.
Kia tino whai koe i ngā ture katoa ngā tohutohu whakapaipai mō ngā tāne Ka taea e ia te mahi i te haurua o te mahi māu i te wā tuatahi. Ko te mea nui ko te atawhai me te ngākau māhaki. Ehara i te mea ko te atawhai anake ki a ia, engari me atawhai ki te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i a koe. E kī ana te tohunga hinengaro a Scott Kaufman he mea ātaahua te atawhai.
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te tono i tētahi kōtiro kia haere ki tētahi rā – 18 Ngā Tohutohu hei Āe māna
3. Tīmata ki te whakahoahoa
Kua hoha te nuinga o ngā kōtiro ki ngā tāne e ngana ana ki te whakauru i ō rātou tarau i te tīmatanga. E ai ki ngā kupu a taku hoa, a Janice, "Ki te kore te tāne e mōhio ki tōku ingoa whānau, ki taku mahi, me tētahi o aku whakangahau, kaua ia e ngana ki te whakamoe i ahau ki a ia." Ā, kāore ia i te hē, me mōhio noa koe ki te kōtiro i mua i tō tono atu ki a ia kia haere tahi. Mā tēnei hoki koe e āwhina ki te aromatawai mēnā he hototahi kōrua tāne, kāore rānei.
Ko te hunga i noho hoa i mua i te whakaipoipo ka pai ake te noho hei hoa rangatira. Hokona ia hei hoa mōna, ā, i mua i tō mōhio ka pātai koe, "Kei te whakaipoipo tāua?? " Ka taea e koe te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga ipurangi mā roto i ngā kōrerorero ngāwari, hoahoa hoki. Mēnā kāore koe e mea kia manukanuka ia kei puta mai ngā kupu "tukuna ngā whakaahua tahanga" i ngā wā katoa e kite ana ia i a ia. 'patoto' I roto i te pouaka kōrerorero, ka rite tonu te aro me te hiahia ki a koe.
Nō reira, ki te hiahia koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i a koe e kōrerorero ana, kia tino ngana koe ki te mōhio ki a ia. Ā, ki te kore koe e tino hiahia ki te mōhio ko wai ia, he aha tāu e mahi ana hei kukume i tōna aro?
4. Kōrerohia he mea ngaro ki a ia
He kore-raru tenei. Hanga whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga piripono ki te kōtiro e pai ana koe. He huarahi pai tonu te noho muna hei whakapakari i ngā whanaungatanga. Waihangahia he wāhi haumaru māu mā te whakapuaki i tētahi mea ngaro. Ehara i te mea ko te tito noa iho, ko te kōrero kaha rānei i tētahi kōrero tangi ki a ia. Whakawhirinaki ki a ia mā te noho ngoikore ki a ia. Ka taea e koe te whakaaro i tētahi kōtiro ki a koe mā te kōrero motuhake ki a ia.
5. Whakahohehia te kaiwhakakatakata i roto, kia kata ia
Whakaarahia tō roto i a Chandler Bing, ka tīmata ki te kōrero i aua katakata (he kupu whakarite). A rangahau i whakahaeretia i Te Whare Wānanga o Kansas i whakaatu ko te whakakatakata te tohu o te mohio o ngā wāhine. Ki te hiahia koe ki te aro mai i tētahi kōtiro i runga i te Instagram, kia tino pai tonu ngā kōrero katoa e tukuna ana e koe.
Ko ngā meme e whiriwhiria e koe me waiho ko ngā mea tino katakata o te ao, kāore rānei, ka taea e koe te tuku ake i ētahi whakaahua katakata o koe. He painga tōu mēnā he tāne katakata koe nā te mea ka kukume koe i a ia ki tō hinengaro. Ka taea e koe te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga i te WhatsApp mā te whakamahi i tētahi rārangi whakakatakata, i tētahi kupu whakaari tino ataahua rānei. Ko tētahi o aku tino pai ko: E hine, he Wīwī koe? Nā te mea e Kui!
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6. Kaua. Kia. Piripiri
Anei tētahi hapa a te tauhou me karo i ngā huarahi katoa. Ki te hiahia koe ki te aro mai i tētahi kōtiro ātaahua, me noho tawhiti. Kaua e rite ki te tamarikitanga, he uaua ki te aro mai, engari me iti ake te hiahia. Kia whai oranga koe, kaua hoki e aro nui ki a ia. Ina ngana koe ki te aro mai i tētahi kōtiro i runga ipurangi, kaua e noho noa, e titiro noa ki tō waea, e tatari ana kia whakautu mai ia. Me mahi pērā i tāu e mahi ai.
Ka taea e te piripono te whakangaro i tētahi whanaungatangaHe kōwhiringa kino te tuku karere kuputuhi i ia hāora, te pātai tonu ki a ia kei hea ia, te waea atu rānei kia toru ngā wā karapīpiti. Waihoki, ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te whakautu mai i tētahi wahine i a koe e whakaipoipo ana i runga ipurangi, ko te tuku karere kuputuhi takirua kāore e tino āwhina i a koe. Ka puta noa iho koe he tino matekiri, ā, tera pea ka mutu ka mahi kino ki a koe.
7. Tirohia ia
Ko ngā pātai māmā pēnei i te "Kei te pēhea tō rā?" he huarahi tino tika hei whakaaro i te kōtiro ki a koe. Ka whakaatuhia tō taha ngākau aroha, ā, ka whakaatu he tangata whakarongo koe. E aro nui ana koe ki ngā taipitopito o tōna rā, ā, kāore he mea reka atu i tēnā. He aha taku karere kuputuhi ki te kōtiro hei kukume i tōna aro, e pātai ana koe? Me pēhea te pātai atu mēnā kua kai ia, mēnā rānei kua mihi atu ki a ia mō te pō?
Ki te hiahia ia ki te whakapuaki mai i ētahi atu mea, he wāhi tēnei māu ki te mōhio pai ake ki a ia. Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, me whakarite kia kaua ō mahi ki te tirotiro i a ia e puta he āhua piripono. Ka kitea e koe i te ara uaua, ka kino pea ngā mea māu.
8. Tonoa he awhina iti
Māku e whakaatu atu ki a koutou tētahi mea e kiia nei ko te "tikanga tomo-ki-te-tatau". Ko tōna tikanga, he nui ake te hiahia o te tangata ki te whakaae i tētahi tono nui i muri i te mahi i tētahi mahi iti i mua i a koe. Pātai atu ki a ia mēnā ka taea e koe te nama i tētahi pene, kātahi ka tono atu mō tana nama waea. He tino mānumanu, engari he aha tāku e kī atu ai? Ka whai hua. Ko ngā tono iti i mua i ngā tono nui ko tāu whakautu ki te huarahi hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro.
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9. Kia whakamarie tinana (engari mēnā ka whakaae ia)
He huarahi pai te whiti i te "ārai pā" hei kukume i tōna aro, engari ka tino hē pea mēnā ka mutu ka whakararuraru koe i a ia. Mā te pupuri ringa, te awhi pea, te pana hoa rānei ka whakanui ake i te mōhio me te whakamarie i waenganui i te tokorua. He huarahi pai ēnei hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro ātaahua. Engari kia tino whakaae koe i mua i te awhi haere.
10. Whiwhi i tōna aro mā te aro atu ki a ia
I tino whakaaro nui a Eric Overby, "Ko te mea e pupuri ana i tō ngākau, e pupuri ana i tō aro. Ko te mea e pupuri ana i tō aro, e pupuri ana i tō wā." Ko te whakautu pai ki te huarahi e aro mai ai te kōtiro ko te noho tahi me ia. Nō reira, me pēhea koe e aro atu ai ki a iaKaua e whakararuraruhia koe e ngā mea wairangi, kaua e wehe atu i te kōrero i waenganui. Kia aro nui, kia mōhio hoki ki te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua. Ka taea e koe te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga ipurangi mā te kōrero whai tikanga me te tino aro atu ki a ia!
I tēnei ao pāpāho pāpori, he māmā ake te aro atu ki a ia. Ki te hiahia koe ki te aro mai i tētahi kōtiro i runga i a Instagram, he māmā noa iho te whakautu ki āna kōrero. Heoi, kia kore tō whakautu e whakapōrearea pērā i te katoa. Ki te tuku atu koe i tētahi emoji ahi ki te whakaahua whaiaro i tukuna e ia, ka pai noa iho ia ki te karere, ā, ka wareware noa iho. Engari ki te kī atu koe i tētahi mea pēnei i te, "Ko West Park tēnā? He pai ki ahau tēnā wāhi! I tirohia e koe te whakaaturanga wai i waenganui?", ka karangahia he kōrero.
11. Whakaatuhia te pakeketanga o te ngākau – He taonga tino onge
Kia poto ake, kaua e whakaiti. Ki te mea kāore ia i tuku karere mai ki a koe mō tētahi wā, kāore rānei i whakahoki mai i tāu waea, kaua e riri. Ngāna kia mārama. Hoatu ki a ia te wāhi e hiahiatia ana e ia, me te whakarongo anō ki ana raruraru. He aha te mea me tuku karere atu ki tētahi kōtiro hei kukume i tōna aro? Ngā mea whakaaroaro pēnei i te, "E hoa, e mōhio ana ahau he uaua tō rā, engari kei konei ahau mēnā e hiahia ana koe ki ahau."
Kaua e wehi ki te whakapuaki i ō wheako. Mā te whakaatu i te ngoikore ka tata ake ai kōrua. Nō reira, ki te hiahia koe ki te aro mai o tētahi kōtiro i a koe e kōrero ana, he mea nui kia mārama koe ki te wā e tika ana kia whakarongo noa koe. Ki te kōrero ia ki a koe mō tētahi mea e whakararuraru ana i a ia, kaua e tuku i tētahi otinga kia tono āwhina rā anō ia. I ētahi wā, Mā te whakarongo ka pai ake tō whanaungatanga.
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12. Whakatinanahia āu kupu whakaari
E ai ki tā taku Ahorangi Hapori, "Whai i te kōrero!" Kaua e kī noa i ngā kupu whakaari ka tunu kai koe māna, ka haria rānei ia ki te kai. Whai muri i aua kupu whakaari! He rite tonu ki te haere ki te taraiwa. Ko te whakaroa, te wareware rānei, he tohu ia i te kore aro.
Ki te hiahia koe ki te kimi huarahi hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro, kia pono ki tāu kupu. Ka taea e koe te whakaaro o tētahi kōtiro ki a koe mā te whai whakaaro ki ō kupu whakaari. I kī atu koe ki a ia ka taea e koe te tiki i te reo Wīwī e hiahiatia ana e koe, engari kua wareware koe ki tēnā? Kia mahara ki ngā kupu whakaari i tukua e koe ki a ia, mā tēnā koe e whakaatu ko koe te tāne tino aro nui, tino manaaki hoki o te ao.
13. Tukua tō tinana kia kōrero
Mō ngā tau maha, he mea nui te reo tinana, ā, koinei te huarahi ki roto i ō tātou whakaaro. Ka taea e koe te whakaatu i tō hiahia me te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro ātaahua mā te whakamahi i ētahi tū me ngā mahi tinihanga reo tinana. Tuatahi, kia mau tonu te titiro kanohi. Titiro tika ki ōna kanohi, me te pupuri i ōna titiro ina kōrero ana kōrua.
Tahuri atu ki a ia (he iti noa iho) me te ataata pinepine. Kia marino, kaua e whakawhiti i ō ringa, i ō waewae rānei. Ko te reo tinana 'kātia' he āhua tiaki. Kia tuwhera, kia mātao hoki ina tata koe ki a ia. Ahakoa kāore koe e mōhio, ka reo tinana ka taea te tuku i ngā tohu tika katoa.
O ngā huarahi katoa hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro, ko te whakamahi i tō reo tinana te momo huarahi tino tauutuutu. Ki te piko atu koe, ā, ka kite koe i a ia e neke ana i tōna tinana ki a koe me te mea kei te kī mai kei te aro noa ia ki a koe, ka mōhio koe kei te tika tāu mahi.
14. He rite ia ki a koe, me atawhai ia ia me te mea he rite ki a koe
Me pēhea te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro? Kaua e atawhai i a ia pērā i tētahi pēpi. Ehara koe i tōna mātua, ehara hoki i tōna kaitiaki, ā, me atawhai koe i a ia pērā i tētahi atu. Kaua e ngana ki te aukati i ana whanonga, i tētahi atu mea rānei… Ā, i kōrero kē ahau, kaua e whakawātea i te tangata, tēnā koa? Kāore ngā wāhine e pai ki te kīia atu ki a rātou he aha te mea hei mahi. Ka whakaute rātou i a koe mēnā ka whakaute koe i tōna āhua ake.
Ka taea e koe te whakaaro i tētahi kōtiro mōu mā te whakamoemiti ki ōna āhuatanga me tōna tuakiri. Mena ko koe tētahi o aua tāne e ngana ana ki te te patu i ngā wāhine i te whare takaroKaua e totohe, e kī atu ki a ia he aha te hē o tōna āhua. Ko tāu noa iho he whakaatu kei te whakaiti koe i a ia. Ka taea e koe te kukume i tōna aro mā te kōrero i tētahi mea pai ki a ia, mā te mihi rānei ki tana whakangungu tinana.
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15. Kia ngāwari te titiro atu ki a koe!
He tino whakarihariha te āhua kanohi kōhatu. Kāore koe e tumanakohia kia menemene tonu, engari kia ātaahua noa iho tō āhua, e mōhio ana koe? Kia rite koe ki te momo tangata manaaki e pai ai te kōrero ki a koe. Ko ētahi he āhua makariri, ko ētahi he āhua mahana. He kōrero whakamere: he pai ake ki ngā wāhine te āhua whakamutunga.
Ki te whakaaro (katakata) o tōku tuahine, me tirotiro e ngā wāhine mēnā ka auau ngā kurī i tā rātou hoa ina pā atu rātou. Ki te mea āe, me karo i taua tāne. He aroha ngā kurī ki te katoa, haere mai. Ki te mea kei te raru koe ki te whakautu mai i tētahi wahine i a koe e whakaipoipo ana i runga ipurangi, tērā pea kāore tō kōtaha i te pai pērā i tō whakaaro.
Whakaaturia ki ētahi hoa, ka rapu i ō rātou whakaaro, pātai atu rānei ki a koe anō, kei te whakaatu mai koe he tangata koe e hiahia ana te kōtiro ki te kōrero ki a ia? He nui ngā mōhiohio kei roto i tō kōtaha hei tīmatanga kōrero? Kāore i te uaua te hanga i te kōtaha pai rawa atu mō te whakaipoipo ipurangi. Tukua he whakaahua me te kurī. He pai ki te katoa ngā kurī.
16. Tukua he mihi ki a rātou
Ki te hiahia koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro i runga i te WhatsApp, ngā mihi reka hei hoatu ki a ia Koinei te tunu kai kua whakamatautauria, kua whakamatautauria hoki. Mā te takaro noa me te raina whakakatakata ka taea te whakama i te kōtiro. Ka taea e kōrua te whakanui ake i te taumata ā tōna wā, ā, ka paru ake ā kōrua karere kuputuhi. Kua kitea e au he tino māmā, he koretake hoki tēnei huarahi ki te kukume i te aro o te kōtiro ki te ipurangi.
Heoi, kia tupato kei tino hiahia koe ki te moepuku i te tīmatanga. Tīmata mā te mihi whānui, atawhai hoki, pērā i te, "He tino ataahua tō āhua i tēnei rā!". He pai ake rānei, mihia tōna āhua, "He tino katakata koe, i ia wā ka mahara ahau ki tāu i kōrero ai, ka menemene ahau." O ngā huarahi katoa hei kukume i te aro o te kōtiro, ko te tuku mihi whakaaro nui ki a ia, ehara i te mea ko tana hanga-kanohi me ōna kākahu, ka tino whai hua ki a koe.
17. Kia ngākau nui, kia hihiri hoki
He tino ātaahua te tangata e whakahaere ana i tōna ake ao, he tangata whai mahere rānei. Kia mōhio koe ki te wāhi e anga atu ana koe i roto i te ao, ā, kia whai ngākau nui ki tētahi mea. He pakihi pea, he toi, he puoro, he aha atu rānei! He mea whakamiharo tonu te kite i te wawata me te taranata; e whakaatu ana ēnei i te pakeketanga tūturu. I haere ahau i tētahi wā ki tētahi kaihoko hea, kāore au e tinihanga i a koe, he mahere rima tau tāna māna ake. Ko te momo ngākau nui i a ia mō tana mahi i tino miharo ahau. (E Caleb, ki te mea kei te pānui koe i tēnei, kia ora!)
Nō reira, ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro me te kore e kōrero ki a ia, mā te whakapono ki tō kiri ake me te whai wawata ka āwhina i a koe. ngā tohu o te tangata māia kāore e taea te wareware. Ki te mahi tahi kōrua ko ia i te wāhi kotahi, me whakamīharo ō hoa mahi ki tāu whakaaturanga tino pai.
18. Kia mōhio ki ana hoa pai
Ki te tūtaki koe ki tana porowhita hoa, kia atawhai, kia ngawari hoki. Kāore pea koe e mōhio engari he nui te rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro o ana hoa pai. Kaua e pātai me PĒHEA te kukume i te aro o te kōtiro, engari me pātai kei WHEA te huarahi hei kukume i tōna aro.
Mā roto i ana hoa. Koinā tō huarahi ki roto! Ki te whakaae ana hoa, kei a koe te tohu matomato tino nui e hiahiatia ana e koe. Heoi, kia tino mohio kei te whakaaro ana hoa kei te ngana koe ki te takaro ki a rātou. I a koe e rapu ana i tana aro, kaua e whakararu i ō tupono mā te whakararuraru i te hunga e tata ana ki a ia. He tino tere te haere o te kōrero.
Nā te mea kua tūhuratia e tātou ngā momo mahi tinihanga katoa hei kukume i te aro o tētahi kōtiro, kua rite koe mō te pakanga. Kia angitu koe i tō haerenga, ā, ko te tumanako ka angitu koe. Hoki mai ki a mātou mō ētahi atu tohutohu whanaungatanga i ngā wā katoa o te rā, i ngā rā katoa o te wiki. Ngā mihi nui!
He aha ngā āhuatanga o ngā tāne e tino kukume ana i ngā wāhine?
11 Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakaipoipo mō te Hunga Tīmata – Kia Mārama te Whai i Ēnei!
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
