He Rāpare noa iho. I a Ava e mahi ana i ngā mahi o ia rā, e manukanuka ana ki ngā rā kati, e tuhi ana hoki i ana mahi me ngā mahi kāinga e tatari ana ki a ia i te kāinga, ka puta mai he karere i runga i tana Karere Pukamata. Nā tana hoa o mua ia i whakarērea nā te mea kāore anō ia kia rite mō te herenga. E rima tau i muri mai, ka huaki te kuaha o te mea i taea te kī, "kia ora" noa iho.
I taua wā tonu, i mau tonu te aroha o Ava rāua ko Jeremy. I ngā wā katoa ka taea e rāua te tuku karere, te kōrero mō te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, te mahara ki ngā rā o mua, me te kōrero mō ngā mea katoa i raro i te rā. I puta mai ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia me te taumahatanga ā-ira tangata i mua i te mārama o tētahi ki tētahi ki tā rāua mahi me te wāhi e arahina ai rāua. I mua i te mōhio, kua uru kē rāua ki roto i te pokapū o tētahi hononga mariko.
Ehara i te mea ko ia anake te kōrero mō Ava. Tērā pea ko Ashlyn, ko Adam, ko Ananya, ko Ayesha rānei. Kei roto i tēnei kōrero te hanganga o ngā mahi ā-ipurangi e piki haere ana te rongonui i a tātou e honoa ana ki te hangarau. Engari ko te mea e akiaki ana i te hononga mariko, te mea e mau tonu ai te tangata ki a rātou, ko te whai hononga mariko he mea tinihanga, ā, he pumau tonu ēnei hononga kare ā-roto me te hononga ā-ira tangata?
Ka tūhuratia ngā whakautu ki ēnei pātai, ka tirohia hoki he aha te tinihanga mariko mā te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro a Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT me te kaiārahi mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, tae atu ki te kaiārahi mō te moepuku i waho o te mārenatanga.
He aha te Whakapono Mariko?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko tētahi o ngā take matua e piki ake ai te pikinga ake o ngā hononga ā-ipurangi, he uaua ki te tautuhi i te kore pono mariko. He rerekē ki tētahi hononga ā-ipurangi i te ao tūturu, kāore he hui huna i roto i tētahi hononga ā-ipurangi, kāore he tinihanga tinana 'tūturu', kāore he kōrero teka hei huna i te wāhi kei hea te tangata. Ka taea e tēnei te ārahi i te tangata ki te pātai: he tinihanga rānei te whai hononga ā-ipurangi?
Haunga tēnā, ko te āhua katoa o te hononga ipurangi he tino hihiri rawa, kāore e taea te whakauru ki roto i ngā mea e kiia ana he tinihanga, me ngā mea kāore e kiia ana he tinihanga. He maha ngā wā ka tīmata ngā mahi ipurangi mā te kōrerorero noa me te takaro kino , ā, ka whakamārama te tangata i te kore e whiti i te rohe. Ina tino hohonu rawa te kukume i a rātou, ā, ka mau te hononga kare ā-roto me te hononga moepuku, ko te kore o te hononga tūturu ka whakaaro rātou he mea noa iho.
I roto i te poto, he maha ngā wāhi pōuri e whakaatu ana i te harakore o ngā hononga mariko kia whakapono ai koe kāore koe e tinihanga ana i te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa. Koia te take he mea nui kia tautuhia he aha te tinihanga mariko. Ki te kī ngāwari, ko te tinihanga mariko e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i te tokorua kāore pea e tūtaki i te ao tūturu.
Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.
I ētahi wā, kāore pea ngā hoa e rua i roto i tētahi hononga ipurangi e rongo ana i ngā reo o tētahi ki tētahi, e kite rānei i ngā kanohi o tētahi ki tētahi. Koia te take, ahakoa te piripono ki te hoa hononga me te tinihanga ki te hoa matua, kāore pea te tinihanga ipurangi e ahua tūturu ki te tini. Ahakoa te āhua harakore me te koretake, ko te tinihanga ipurangi, i te mutunga, he momo tinihanga noa iho.
He rite tonu ki ngā mahi whakaipoipo ipurangi, ka taea e ia te whakararu i te whanaungatanga mō te wā roa. Ka tangohia te wā e pau ana ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te hononga ipurangi i te wā me te aro ki te hoa tūturu me te whānau, ka taea ai e tēnei te uru atu ki te kore aro ki ngā āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga. Haunga te huna me te teka, ka whakangaro i te whakawhirinaki ki te whanaungatanga, ahakoa ka kitea te tinihanga, kāore rānei.
Pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Kōrero Pakiwaitara me ngā Mea Pono mō te Tinihanga i roto i te Marena
Te Ātaahua o ngā Take Ipurangi
Ahakoa te nui o ngā tūponotanga, kei te piki haere te noho tahi o ngā hononga mariko me te marena, ngā whanaungatanga roa rānei. He aha te mea e kukume ana i te tangata ki ēnei hononga mariko? Ā, he aha te mea e mau tonu ai tō rātou here? E whakamārama ana a Nandita mā te kōrero mō ngā āhuatanga e whai wāhi ana ki te rongonui o ngā hononga ipurangi:
1. Hiahia
"Pērā i ngā mahi tahi katoa, ko ngā mahi tahi ipurangi e ahu mai ana i tētahi hiahia tūturu. Ko te hiahia ki te rapu hononga i waho o te marena, i tētahi hononga pumau rānei, he hua tonu nō ngā hiahia kāore anō kia tutuki i roto i te hononga tuatahi. Tērā pea kei te pāngia te hononga e tētahi wā uaua. I taua wā, ka whakamahia pea e tētahi o ngā hoa he mahi tahi ipurangi hei tokotoko hei oranga mōna."
"Tērā pea he hapa nui kei roto i te whanaungatanga – he marena kore aroha , hei tauira – ka tahuri te tangata ki ētahi atu. I taua wā anō, ko te hiahia ki te tinihanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te taumata o te whakapau kaha me te pūnaha uara o te tangata."
"Ki te mea he nui te whakapau kaha o te tangata, me whai mahi nui hei akiaki i a ia kia whiti i te rārangi o te pono i roto i te whanaungatanga. I tētahi atu taha, ko te tangata kāore e aro nui ki te marena kotahi me te whakapau kaha ka tere te hē," te kī a Nandita.
2. Te harikoa
"Ko te kukume o ngā mahi whakaipoipo ipurangi i ahu mai anō i te harikoa nui o te hono atu ki te tangata ipurangi. Ko te aro, te kare ā-roto e hiahiatia ana, te hihiri moepuku me te makona ka taea te hoatu i te tangata he whana nui, tata rite ki te pikinga. He nui noa iho tēnei hei pupuri i a rātou kia mau tonu, kia hoki tonu ai ki te mahi, ahakoa ko taua tangata anō, ko tētahi atu rānei," te whakamārama a Nandita.
E whakaatu ana tētahi rangahau i mahia e ngā tohunga hinengaro i Te Whare Wānanga Tuwhera i te UK, ka taea e te puremu ipurangi te whakararuraru i te tangata. E tohu ana hoki tētahi pūrongo a te American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy ki te tūponotanga o te whakararuraru i te moepuku ipurangi. Ko te harikoa o te wheako he mea nui ki tēnei.
3. Ingoakore
"Haunga te whakahihiri, mā te hono atu ki ngā tāngata tauhou i runga ipurangi ka puta he whakamarie me te haumaru, nā te mea kāore e kitea te ingoa o te wheako," te kī a Nandita. Ka taea e koe te whakarite i tētahi kōtaha me tētahi ingoa rūpahu me tētahi whakaahua rūpahu, ka hono atu ki te tangata e pai ana ki a koe, ā, e hiahia ana ki te whakahoki mai.
Kātahi anō ka rite te ao ki tōu ake tio mō ō haerenga aroha, ā, ka rite koe ki te mea kāore he mea hei ngaro i a koe nā te mea kāore te 'koe tūturu' i reira. "Ka taea hoki e tēnei āhuatanga o te noho puku te arahi ki te whakaaro teka kei te tiakina tō marena, tō whanaungatanga matua rānei mai i te tinihanga mariko," te tāpiri a Nandita.
4. Uru
"Kei te piki haere te rongonui o ngā mahi ipurangi nā te ngāwari o te uru atu ki ngā mea katoa. Me iriti noa i tētahi taputapu hei whakatutuki i ō wawata tino porangi, hei rapu whakamarie kare ā-roto, hei aha atu rānei e akiaki ana i a koe ki te hanga hononga piripono i roto i te ao matihiko. Mā tēnā ka māmā ake te takahi i ngā rohe," te kī a Nandita.
Pērā i te mea i tupu ki a Ava, kotahi noa te karere kuputuhi hei hono atu anō ki tō hoa o mua, kotahi noa rānei te pāwhiri hei whakatū hononga ki tētahi atu. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te wehe atu i tō kāinga, ki te kimi i tētahi wāhi huna hei tūtaki, me te tito kōrero teka hei huna i ōu ara.
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Ka taea e koe te tinihanga i tō hoa i a koe e moe ana me rātou. Nā te tino ngāwari, e kitea ana te tinihanga ipurangi hei huarahi hei tāpiri i ngā mea e ngaro ana i roto i te whanaungatanga, hei wawahi noa rānei i te hoha o te oranga o ia rā.
Te Pānga o ngā Take Ipurangi
He watea, he whakahihiri, he whakawara hoki ngā mahi tahi ipurangi. Engari he pumau, he kore kino, he harakore rānei? Ka taea e te mahi tahi e tū ana i te ao mariko anake te huri hei mahi roa? He aha te pānga o te tinihanga mariko ki te hoa tinihanga me te tangata e tinihangatia ana?
"Ko te āhua o te hononga ā-ipurangi ka whakawhirinaki ki te hiahia e akiaki ana i taua hononga. Mena he hononga i hangaia hei whakatutuki i ngā hiahia tinana, ā-ira tangata rānei, tera pea ka memeha haere i roto i te wā. Tērā pea ka hanga hononga hou te hoa tinihanga , engari ko te whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i ngā hiahia tinana anake, kāore e roa te ora."
"Heoi, ki te mea kei te whakatutukihia e te hononga ā-ipurangi tētahi hiahia kare ā-roto – hei tauira, ki te mea kāore koe e arohaina i roto i te marena engari kei te tukuna e te hoa hononga te aroha me te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto e hiahiatia ana e koe – kāti ka noho hei hononga roa ahakoa tōna āhua mariko," te kī a Nandita.
I a ia e kōrero ana mō te pānga o ngā mahi moepuku ipurangi ki ngā hoa e rua i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tāpiri atu ia, "Kāore i te tino rerekē te pānga o ngā mahi moepuku ipurangi ki te whanaungatanga o te tokorua me te hinengaro o te hoa takitahi i tērā o te whanaungatanga tūturu."
"I tohutohu ahau i tētahi tāne i uru ki tētahi hononga ā-ipurangi me tētahi wahine, ā, i pōhēhē, i taupatupatu hoki mō ngā whanaungatanga e rua. I whakaatu ia i ngā tohu matarohia o te hara tinihanga, ā, i te wa ano, i pai ki tana hononga ki tēnei wahine kē, ā, i kitea e ia te makona, i te mea kua ea ōna hiahia kare ā-roto me ōna hiahia tinana i roto i tēnei hononga."
Heoi, i ētahi wā, ka nui atu te kino o ngā hua o ngā mahi moepuku ipurangi i te hara tinihanga, ina koa mēnā kāore te tangata e whai wāhi ana ki tētahi i te mārama ki āna ake tumanakohanga me āna hiahia. "I uru atu tētahi atu o aku kiritaki ki te maha o ngā mahi moepuku ipurangi nā te mea kei roto ia i tētahi marena kore kare ā-roto."
"I ia wā, ka puta he hononga hou hei whakaoho i tōna harikoa me tōna harikoa, engari ahakoa i kitea e ia te whakamānawa i te moepuku mā roto i ēnei mahi, kāore anō kia tutukihia ōna hiahia kare ā-roto. I kino ake te āhuatanga nā te mea kāore i taea e ia te wehewehe i te moepuku mai i te kare ā-roto, ā, i hua ake ai he maha ngā pakanga ā-roto me te pouri. I te mutunga ka taka ia ki te pouri."
"Nā te whakaora hinengaro, i taea e mātou te whakatū i ngā rohe mārama i waenga i ōna hiahia moepuku me ōna hiahia kare ā-roto, ā, koinei te taahiraa tuatahi ki te ora," te kōrero a Nandita.
Hei tāna anō, i roto i te nuinga o ngā wā, ka taea hoki e ngā mahi tahi ipurangi te whakapakari i te hononga i waenga i ngā hoa matua. "He maha ngā wā, mā te tinihanga, te whai wāhi rānei ki tētahi hononga piripono ka nui ake te maioha o te tangata ki ā rātou hoa. Mena he puna whakamarie rangitahi te mahi tahi i te wā uaua o te marena, ka taea e ia te āwhina i te hono atu i te tokorua. Mena he mea poto noa iho, ā, kāore e kitea," tana kī.
Ahakoa ngā take mō te tinihanga ipurangi, ki te puta mai tētahi mahi pēnei, ka tino mamae te hoa. "Ka taea e te tokorua te ora ake i te hinganga o te puremu mariko engari ko te kī ki te whakaora ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te māramatanga me te nui o te murunga hara a te hoa i tinihangatia. "
"Me whakaae ngā hoa e rua ki te meka e kore tō rāua whanaungatanga e hoki ki tōna āhua o mua i te kitenga o tētahi hononga whakaipoipo, ahakoa i puta i te ao mariko. Tērā pea ka pai ake, ka kino rānei te whanaungatanga, engari ka rerekē tonu," tana whakatau.
He nui ake te waranga o ngā hononga ā-ipurangi i ō rātou hoa tūturu, nā te ngāwari o te uru atu me te āhua huna o te ingoa, ā, he rite tonu te kino ki te hoa e tinihangatia ana. Nō reira, i te wā e whakamatautauria ai koe ki te uru atu ki ngā karere a te hoa o mua, ki te tango rānei i taua taupānga whakaipoipo, kia maumahara he tinihanga te tinihanga. Kia tūpato, me te mōhio katoa ki te hua o āu mahi me ngā hua ka puta.
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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
