E mea ana te tāne e aroha ana ia ki ahau engari kei te mau tonu tana hononga ki ahau

Kāore ngā oati tapu o te kaupapa o te marena e haere tahi mai me te taurangi o te pono. Heoi, kua tipu ake tātou i roto i tētahi hapori e whakaako ana i a tātou ko te aroha he noho tahi me te tangata kotahi mō te toenga o tō oranga. Nō reira, ina tinihanga te tāne aroha ki tana wahine, he maha ngā wāhine e pātai ana, "Me pēhea e aroha ai taku tāne ki ahau, ā, ka moe tahi?" 

Ki te mea he hononga tāne tō te tāne, he mea noa iho kia whakaaro te wahine kua mutu tana mahi tahi me ia. He tino mamae te mahi tinihanga nā te mea e kī ana ki te tangata i tinihangatia "kāore koe i te rawaka". I a koe e mārama ana ki te aha me te pēhea o te katoa, e pātai ana ki a koe anō, "Kei hea ahau i ngaro ai? He aha ahau i te rawaka ai?", me pēhea mēnā ka kī ia he nui rawa te aroha mutunga kore? Ko te pono, tera pea ka tinihanga ngā tāne ahakoa e aroha ana rātou ki a koe.

E mārama ana mātou ki te pōhēhē o tēnei. Koia mātou i konei ai ki te whakautu i te pātai miriona tāra: me pēhea e taea ai e taku tāne te aroha ki ahau, me te moe tahi? Me ngā tirohanga mai i te kaiako whanaungatanga me te piripono Shivanya Yogmayaa (kua whai tiwhikete ā-ao mō ngā tikanga rongoā o te EFT, NLP, CBT, me te REBT), he tohunga ki ngā momo momo kaunihera mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, me rapu tātou mēnā ka taea e te tāne te tinihanga me te aroha tonu ki tana wahine.

Ka taea e te tāne te tinihanga engari e aroha tonu ana ki tana wahine? 

He maha ngā whakamārama mō tēnei pātai, ā, he maha ngā wāhine kua pau ngā hāora e whakaaroaro ana, "Me pēhea taku mōhio kei te aroha taku tāne ki ahau i muri i taku tinihanga i ahau?" Heoi, kāore he whakautu tino tika mō tēnei pātai. Ko te whakapono, te kore rānei, ka taea e te tāne te aroha ki a koe, ā, ka tinihanga tonu i a koe, kei tō māramatanga ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

Kei te ora tonu a Maureen i ngā whara o te whanaungatanga o tana tāne, kāore e whakapono ana koinei te āhua. "Kāo. Ko te tinihanga he mahi tinihanga, he mahi hē rānei kia whiwhi ai koe i tētahi painga. He tinihanga, ā, ko te tinihanga i tētahi tangata te patunga kare ā-roto hohonu rawa atu ka taea e koe te tuku ki a rātou. Kāore he aroha i roto i te tinihanga, te kore tika, te whakamahi kino rānei i tētahi hei oranga ngākau. Kāore he aroha i roto i te tinihanga. Kāore he," tana kī. 

Ahakoa te whakapono o te nuinga ko te aroha he tuku katoa ki te tangata kotahi, kei reira ētahi e whakaaro ana he rerekē te aroha me ngā matea tinana, ā, kāore pea e puta mai i te hoa kotahi ngā mea e rua. Ina moe tāne te tāne hei whakatutuki i te hiahia moepuku, tera pea kei te mau tonu tōna aroha ki tana wahine.

Hiwanya e kī ana, "Kei te huri haere te māramatanga o te tangata ki te aroha me te huarahi e whakahaere ai rātou i ā rātou whanaungatanga piripono. Haunga te aroha, ka whai wāhi mai hoki ngā āhuatanga pēnei i te hototahitanga ina whiriwhiria e te tangata he hoa rangatira mō te ora. Engari tera pea ka rapu tonu rātou i ngā mahi mōrearea me te tūhuratanga. Ahakoa kei te harikoa rātou i roto i te marena, ā, kei te aroha tonu ki ā rātou wāhine, ka tinihanga ngā tāne hei whakamana me te reka o te hua rāhui." 

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ngā tāne kua mārenatia e tinihanga ai? Ka whakapuakihia e ā mātou kaipānui ngā take

"I a tātou e pakeke haere ana, ka noho hei whanaungatanga noa iho, ā, ka noho hei whanaungatanga noa iho. Koinei te wā e rapu ai te tangata i te whakahihiri i roto i te ahua o te moe tahi mō te pō kotahi, te moe tahi rānei. E kite tonu ana te tāne i te wahine hei hoa mō te wa katoa, engari ko te rapu i ngā mea hou hei rongoā mō te noho tahi o ia rā ka noho hei hihiri mō te moe tahi." 

Ina he tangata whiriwhiri kia noho i roto i te whanaungatanga takitahi, kei te oati ia ki te whakaute me te aroha ki tētahi tangata: ki tāna wahine. I roto i te wā, ka rerekē pea te āhua o te aroha engari me mau tonu te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi me te oati kia pono. Ā, me nui taua whakaute hei aukati i te tāne kei tinihanga ki tāna wahine. Engari ehara i te mea koinei tonu te āhua, ā, he maha ngā wā ka takahia ngā rārangi pono. Ina tupu tēnā, he aha ngā whakaaro o te tāne tinihanga ki tāna wahine? Tērā pea e aroha ana ia ki a ia. He tika rānei tēnā mō te tinihanga?

E kī ana a Shivanya, "I roto i te whanaungatanga kotahi, kāore e tika te tinihanga. Heoi, ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi marena kino e whakahē ana tō wahine i a koe i runga i te moepuku me te kare ā-roto, ka mārama te hononga. Tērā pea ka hiahia te tāne ki te whakatutuki i ana hiahia i waho o te marena nā te mea kei te whakahē tana wahine i a ia."

Me pēhea e aroha ai taku tāne ki ahau, kia moe tahi ai hoki? 

Ki te takahia e te tāne te tapu o te marena, kei te aroha tonu ia ki tana wahine? Āe, tērā pea. He uaua rawa ngā whanaungatanga tangata, kāore e taea te wehewehe ki ngā tika me ngā hē tino. Tērā pea ka aroha te tāne ki tana wahine, engari ka tinihanga tonu ia. Ā, ko ngā take ka ahu mai i ngā hiahia kāore anō kia tutuki i roto i te whanaungatanga, ngā tueke kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia, te whakahihiri noa iho rānei. 

Ki te nuinga o ngā wāhine, ehara te puremu i te mea hei whakakore i te whakaaetanga i ngā wā katoa, nā te mea e kī ana te nuinga o ngā tāne "he mahi ā-tinana noa iho, ā, e aroha tonu ana ahau ki a koe" me te kī rānei "Aroha mai, i kahakina ahau, ā, nā reira ahau i mōhio ai ko koe anake te wahine e hiahia ana ahau kia noho tahi". I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, tera pea ka kitea e rātou he tuwhera ki te āheinga ki te hanga anō i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te puremu. 

Heoi, i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakapono, he mea nui kia whakautua te pātai e whai ake nei: me pēhea e taea ai e taku tāne te aroha ki ahau, me te moe tahi? Āe, hei whakamārama i te whakautu, anei ngā mea e rima me mōhio koe: 

1. Te āputa i roto i te moe tāne kotahi 

Ina titiro tātou ki tētahi tāne kua moe tāne, ka pātai tonu tātou, kei te aroha tonu ia ki tāna wahine? Ā, he mea rerekē te whakaae kei te pupuri tonu te tāne tinihanga i ōna kare ā-roto ki tāna wahine. Ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakamāramahia e tātou tēnei mā te kī, "Ka noho tāne tonu ngā tāne." 

He tinihanga noa iho rānei ngā tāne i te āhua tūturu? Ahakoa e kiia ana tēnei whakapono he whakaaro kino ki ngā tāne, e kī ana ētahi tohunga pūtaiao pāpori he mea koiora tēnei. I roto i tana pukapuka Te Āputa Monogamy: Ngā Tāne, te Aroha, me te Tūturutanga o te Tinihanga, e kī ana a Eric Anderson he mea hanga ngā tāne ki te tinihanga.

I whakahaerehia e Anderson, he Ahorangi o te Hapori i tētahi whare wānanga rongonui o te UK, he rangahau i runga i te 120 tāne, ā, i kitea ko te nuinga o ngā tāngata i tinihanga i pena nā te mea kua hoha rātou ki te moe tahi me ā rātou hoa rangatira, ehara i te mea kua ngaro te hiahia ki a rātou. rangahau Kua kitea e te rangahau mō te puremu a ngā wāhine, ko te nuinga o ngā wāhine e tinihanga ana mō ngā take kare ā-roto, kaua mō ngā take tinana. Nō reira, tera pea he tika te kī, ahakoa te puremu, e aroha ana ngā tāne ki ā rātou wāhine. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Āhea me haere atu i muri i te puremu: 10 ngā tohu hei mōhio

2. Te mea pai rawa atu o ngā ao e rua 

Me pēhea e taea ai e taku tāne te aroha ki ahau, me te moe tahi, e pātai ana koe? Nā te mea e hiahia ana ia ki ngā mea pai o ngā ao e rua. Kei te noho tātou i roto i tētahi hapori matua e pupuri ana i te mana o te tāne, ā, he ngāwari ake ngā mahi a ngā tāne i te nuinga o ngā āhuatanga o te ao, ā, kua whakawhiwhia ki a rātou te mana ki te mahi me te kore whiu. Nā te mea he maha ngā tāne e whakaaro ana ki ngā moe tahi hei huarahi ki te tuku i te tinana, ki te whakatutuki rānei i te hiahia o te moepuku, tera pea ka whakapono rātou ka taea e rātou te whiwhi i ngā mea pai o ngā ao e rua: he wahine pono, he hoa pono hoki, he hoa moepuku, me te moe tāne i waho o te marena, me ngā momo wāhine, he hoa moepuku pumau rānei. He tino kino tēnei whakaaro.

"Te hoha i roto i te whanaungatanga Koinei pea te tino take o te puremu a ngā tāne. Heoi, he ara poto noa te rapu i ngā mea e ngaro ana i roto i tō marena, ā, kāore e taea te whakamana. Ko ngā hoa e rua te kawenga mō te pupuri i te hihiri o te whanaungatanga.  

"Ko te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kāore e whakamātau, e whakapuaki rānei i ā rātou moemoeā, ā, ka hua ake he oranga moepuku hoha. Ki te whakaaro te tāne kāore e taea e ia te whakapuaki i ana hiahia, i ana moemoeā moepuku rānei ki tana wahine, ā, ka noho hoha tonu ngā mea i roto i te moenga, ka whakamahia pea e ia tēnei hoha me te māramatanga e mau tonu ana hei take mō te tinihanga. Ka taea te ārai i tēnei mā te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia whakahihiri, kia whakamere hoki mā roto i ngā huarahi pēnei i te whakakakahu, te whakaari rānei," te kī a Shivanya.

3. Kāore koe e whakamana ana i tōna toa o roto 

Āe, te matatini toa tawhito. Nā James Bauer, he tohunga whanaungatanga, i whakaaro ake tēnei ariā whakamere mō te mea e tino akiaki ana i ngā tāne i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, kua mau ki roto i ō rātou DNA. I tapaina e ia ko te wairua toa, ko tōna tikanga me rongo te tāne e hiahiatia ana, e hiahiatia ana hoki e tana hoa kia mau tonu ai tōna ngākau nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te wairua toa he rite tonu ki te toa o ēnei rā e mau ana i te pukupuku kanapa e whakaora ana i tētahi kōtiro e pāngia ana e te pouri. 

Kia whakahohehia, ka hurihia ngā tāne e ēnei kaiārahi hei toa o ā rātou ake kōrero. Ina kitea e rātou tētahi tangata hei whakaoho i te wairua toa, ka pai ake te wairua, ka hohonu ake te aroha, ā, ka hohonu ake ngā herenga. Heoi anō, ko te nuinga o ngā wāhine kāore i te mōhio ki tēnei, nō reira kāore e taea te whakaoho i te wairua toa o te tāne kia mau tonu ai tōna hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga. 

E kī ana a Jenna, 32 tau te pakeke, e whakapono ana i ngaro tana marena i te wairua toa, "He hoa aroha māua ko taku tāne i tō māua tamarikitanga, nō reira i taku kitenga i te moepuku a taku tāne ki tā māua kaitiaki tamariki, i tino pouri ahau. 

"I tū atu ahau ki a ia, engari i kī mai ia e aroha ana ia ki ahau, ā, i inoi kia murua ia. I whakaaro ahau, me pēhea e taea ai e taku tāne te aroha ki ahau, me te moe tahi? Heoi anō, i aro atu ia ki a ia nā te mea i rite ia ki tētahi kōtiro e pāngia ana e te pouri. He wahine tino motuhake ahau, ā, kāore i whakakā i te toa i roto i a ia e hiahia ana ki te whakaora i ahau. I whakarērea tonutia ia e ahau." 

Te pānui e pā ana: 17 Ngā Tohu He Tangata Kē Atu Kei Te Ao O Tō Hoa

4. E aroha ana ia ki a koe engari kāore e pai ki a koe

Kāore te pātai me pēhea te tinihanga a te tāne i te wahine e arohaina ana e ia e whakapoauau ana i ngā wāhine anake. E whakaaro ana hoki ngā tāne, "He aha ahau i moe ai i a au e aroha ana ki taku wahine?" I ētahi wā, ko te whakautu pea ahakoa e aroha ana te tāne ki tana wahine, kāore pea ia e pai ki te tangata kua riro mai i a ia. Ae, he rerekē te aroha me te pai ki tētahi. 

he ngā wāhanga rerekē o te whanaungatanga He rerekē ngā taumata o te whanaungatanga me te aroha – te tinana, te kare ā-roto, me te hinengaro. He māmā noa iho: te kaha o te aroha tetahi ki tetahi, te kaha o ō kare ā-roto, te pai o ā kōrua kōrero, me te ōrite o tō hinengaro. Ka piki haere, ka heke haere ēnei taumata. Tērā pea ka kino tō tāne ki ētahi āhuatanga o tō āhua engari kei te mau tonu te aroha hohonu ki a koe. Koia tonu te take e tukua ai e ia kia tinihanga ahakoa kāore anō kia ngaro te aroha ki a koe. 

E mea ana a Shivanya, "Kāore e tika kia pai tonu te aroha ki te hunga e arohaina ana e tātou. Haunga tēnā, i roto i te marena, ka huri te aroha hei tikanga o te noho tahi me te tangata. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ka aroha ngā tāne ki ā rātou wāhine nā te mea he tikanga, ā, kāore e hiahia ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga hou ki tētahi tangata. Ko te nuinga o ngā mahi whakaipoipo he mea here ki te whakatutuki i te hiahia moepuku, kaua ki te tīmata anō i tētahi whanaungatanga katoa." 

5. Kei te whakaaro ia kāore ia i te arohia

I ētahi wā, ka tinihanga ngā tāne ahakoa e aroha ana rātou ki a koe nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou kāore koe i te arohia i roto i te marena. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro ia kua tīmata koe ki te wareware i a ia i a koe e whakahaere ana i ō kawenga maha, kua roa rawa rānei te noho o te whanaungatanga ki muri, kua ngaro rānei ia i roto i tō rārangi kaupapa matua. Ka taea e tēnei te meinga te tāne kia mamae, kia whakakahoretia, ā, ko te tinihanga he huarahi hei whakatau i ēnei kare ā-roto whakararuraru me te rapu whakamana. 

"Kei te tū motuhake, kei te tū rangatira hoki ngā wāhine o ēnei rā. Kāore rātou i te rite ki ngā hoa ngāwari, ngāwari e hiahiatia ana e te tāne hei tiaki me te whakarato. Ka taea e tēnei te waiho i te tāne karekau he haumaruNō reira, ka rapu pea ia i te whakamanatanga o waho kia "whakaaro ai ia he tāne". Ka rapu pea ia i tētahi wahine e hiahia ana ki a ia, ā, ka taea e ia te tiaki. Mā ngā wāhine kaha ka meinga ngā tāne kia whakaititia, nō reira, kia whai hua ai, kia tika ai rānei, ka rapu pea ia i ngā hononga i waho o te marena."

Kāore he whakautu tuturu mō te pātai "me pēhea taku mōhio e aroha ana taku tāne ki ahau i muri i taku tinihanga i ahau". Ahakoa he mea whakararu te tinihanga mō te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, e kite ana ētahi he arai ka taea e rātou te neke atu. Kei te momo whanaungatanga e tohaina ana e kōrua me te mea e pai ana kōrua ki te whakamanawanui i runga i te ingoa o te aroha. Ahakoa te take, ka taea e te kore whakapono te waiho hei wheako whara hohonu. Mena kei te raru koe ki te whakaora i tēnei arai, ā, e rapu āwhina ana koe, kei konei ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mohio me te raihana i runga i te rōpū a Bonobology hei āwhina i a koe. 

Ngā Wāhanga Whakaora i te Whakapono hei Whakaora i te Take o te Whakaipoipo

Me pēhea te hopu i tētahi hoa tinihanga - 13 ngā tinihanga hei āwhina i a koe

Te Whakamā o te Hanga Anō i tētahi Hononga i Muri i te Tinihanga, me pēhea te Whakahaere

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

Tirohia ta maatau Tukanga Etita

Tutaki ki ta maatau Poari Arotake

Tiri Urupare

He aha ō urupare?

×

āwhina Pūrongohia he Hapa He mea anō (kōrerohia mai he aha te horopaki)

Tuku