Te Matū o te Hononga - He aha te mea, ngā momo me ngā tohu

He uaua ki te tautuhi i ngā tohu hononga i waenganui i te tokorua. Ko te 'hihiko' e kore e taea te tautuhi ka rongo koe ina 'pāwhiri' tonu koe ki tētahi? Ko te ngau o te kukume tinana, ko te kōrero tino pai rānei e whakaaro ana koe kei te kotahi te whakaaro mō ngā mea katoa? He poraka nui te hononga whanaungatanga, kāore rānei?

"Me te mea he hononga ā-tinana tōku, kāore he rite ki a rātou, inā koa i te wā tuatahi," te amuamu a Alex, "Kātahi ka tūtaki ahau ki tētahi tāne tino pai engari kāore he hononga. Kāore i te rite ki te momo kukume tonu e kitea ana e au. He pai ki te kōrero ki a rātou, ki te noho tahi, ki te whakapau i te wā roa ki a rātou, engari te āhua nei kua ngaro taua mura. Āe, he onge te hononga ki tētahi e pai ana ki a koe!"

Ahakoa e tautoko ana mātou i te kaha o te kukume tinana, me te mahi i runga i taua mea hei whakangahau i a koe, ka taea e te hononga pai te neke atu i taua mura tonu o te wā honi me te kaha ōrite i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I pātai mātou ki te tohunga hinengaro Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te kaunihera mō ngā tokorua, mō ētahi tirohanga mō te matū o te whanaungatanga, ōna momo, me ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei a koe tēnei āhuatanga me tō hoa.

He aha te Hototahitanga o ngā Hononga?

"Ko te matū o te whanaungatanga he hononga kare ā-roto pai ki tētahi atu tangata," nandita e mea ana, "He tokomaha e whakapoauau ana i tēnei mea he hononga tinana, engari me tino teitei hoki te kaha o te kare ā-roto. Inaa, ka taea te kī ko tēnei hononga he ngākau nui, he aroha rānei. I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te whanaungatanga, ka kī pea te tangata kei te aroha koe ki tō hoa i te wā e tino kaha ana te hononga."

Ko te rerekētanga i waenga i te matū me te hototahi, e ai ki a Nandita, i roto i te hototahi, ka titiro tātou ki te āhua o te tangata ngā uara whanaungatanga matua me te āheinga o tō rātou noho roa ake i roto i ō tātou ao. "Ko te matū e pā ana ki ō tātou kare ā-roto mō rātou i ia rā, te mahana, te pai, te hiahia kia noho tahi tātou i ngā wā katoa, me te hiahia kia harikoa rātou," tana kī.

Nō reira, ina tae ki te hononga taurite me te hononga matū, ko tēhea te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga? Āe, ko te mea pai, me whai i ngā mea e rua te whanaungatanga pai. He ngāwari ki te whakakore i te hononga matū hei hiahia poto noa iho, he mea hoki ka memeha haere atu i te hononga taurite. Ahakoa ka tīmata pea te hononga matū hei mea noa iho, pērā i te mura o te kanohi i puta mai i te titiro kanohi, ka mutu ka huri hei whanaungatanga hoa, taurite, ka hoatu te taha mahana me te hiahia ki te mura pumau o te taurite me te roa o te wā e pau ana. 

He pēhea te hiranga o te matū i roto i te whanaungatanga?

He pātai nui tēnei: ​​he aha te hiranga o te hononga i waenganui i te tokorua? E kī ana a Nandita, "He mea tino nui te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa rā, ka taea e koe te whai hononga pumau, pumau, ahakoa he iti noa te hononga, kāore rānei. Heoi, ki taku whakaaro, koinei te wāhi ka uru mai ai te hoha. E mōhio ana koe kei a koe tetahi mea ka taea, ā, ka roa pea, ā, he pai tēnā. Engari ina teitei te hononga, ka puta te kaha me te ngākau nui i waenganui i te tokorua, ka nui ake te ngahau me te aroha."

E kōrero ana a Dani, he kaipānui nō Berkeley, mō tāna kōrero, he tauira whakaatu tēnei mō te pānga o te hononga, te kore rānei o te hononga, ki tētahi whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Kua 15 tau māua ko taku tāne e noho tahi ana. He hohonu rawa te hononga." te kukume kanohi i te rā tuatahi i kukume i a māua tetahi ki tetahi. E mōhio ana koe, he aroha pono taitamariki. I noho tahi māua i te kura tuarua me te whare wānanga, nō reira te āhua nei ko te marena te taahiraa whai muri.

"Ehara i te mea kāore au i te harikoa, ā, e mōhio ana ahau ka rerekē ngā whanaungatanga whaiaro i roto i te wā, engari he mea tino ngaro, arā, ko te whakaaro 'ko ia taku tangata, ahakoa pēhea'. He hototahi tā māua i roto i te marena engari kāore i te rite tonu, ā, kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te whakaoho anō i te aroha."

He maha ngā āhua me ngā rahi o ngā whanaungatanga, nō reira kāore he he o tēnei. Engari kāore koe e hiahia ki te noho pōuri me te hiahia ki tētahi atu oranga i roto i te ao. Ka taea e koe te kōwhiri kia kaua e uru atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei, ki te whakaaro rānei ki tētahi whanaungatanga tuwhera, ki tētahi whanaungatanga maha rānei mēnā e hiahia ana koe.

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Te matū hauora me te matū kore hauora

Ahakoa he mea nui te matū hei whakaoho i tētahi hononga aroha, hei pupuri hoki i taua hononga, ka taea hoki e ia te kukume i a koe ki te hunga kāore pea i te pai mōu. Koia te take he mea nui kia mārama koe ki te rerekētanga o te matū hauora me te matū kore hauora kia taea ai e koe te mōhio tika ki tāu e pā ana.

Ina he pai, he hauora te hononga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga,

• Ka rere ngā mura ina noho tahi ngā tāngata tokorua, heoi, ehara i te mea he mīharo noa iho. Ko te hononga kare ā-roto kaha i waenganui i a rāua e pupuri ana i te mura e mura tonu ana.
• He māmā noa te rere o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ka kōrero koe, ka whakarongo hoki, kāore he aukati, kāore hoki he wehi kei rapu utu koe.
• Horonga te taupatupatu tautohe e whakamahia ana. Ka mahi tahi kōrua ki te whakaoti rapanga mā te whakaae me te mārama tetahi ki tetahi
• Ka tautokona, ka whakatenatenahia hoki te tipu. Ka akiakihia e kōrua tetahi i tetahi kia whai i ā kōrua whāinga, kia noho ko kōrua te hunga pai rawa atu.

Te koretake o te matū i roto i ngā whanaungatanga,

• Ahakoa he kaha te matū me te kukume o te tinana i te tīmatanga, ka tere tonu te noho hei kaupapa matua mō tō hononga.
• He uaua te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, he kore rānei. He uaua ki te tokorua te whakapuaki i ō rāua kare ā-roto me te mārama ki ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi.
• Ka takahia, ka warewarehia rānei ngā here. Ka pehia te takitahi, ka whakaekea te wāhi whaiaro.
• Ka whakakapia te tipu e te noho pūmau me te ngākau māhaki. Ka warewarehia, ka whakakorengia rānei ngā wawata me ngā moemoeā.

Kia Maumahara, a hononga hauora Mā te hononga pai i waenganui i te tokorua ka rongo koe i te aroha, te tautoko, me te hihiri kia tutuki ai tō tipu whaiaro, ā, me whai tohu hononga tahi me te whakaute. Engari ko te hononga hauora ka memeha i tō harikoa me tō oranga ngākau. Kōwhiria me te whakaaro nui, ā, poipoia te hononga e whakaputa ana i te pai o roto i a kōrua ahakoa te onge o te hononga ki tētahi. 

Hototahi Vs Matū

I roto i te whanaungatanga aroha, ka puta te hiahia i roto i te matū, engari ka mura te mura e mau tonu ana. Ko te tukinga o ngā ahi mura ki te marino o te tōnga o te rā. Āe, ko tēhea te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga: te matū, te hototahi rānei? Hei kimi i te whakautu, me mārama koe ki te rerekētanga o te hototahi me te matū.

I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, he huinga o ngā mea e rua, ka rere noa ngā mura ahi, ka kitea he piringa o ngā ngākau i roto i te awhi a tētahi ki tētahi, i a kōrua e haere ana i te ara aroha.

Ngā Momo Matū o te Hononga

Pērā i ngā whanaungatanga he maha ngā āhua me ngā rahi, he rerekē anō hoki ngā taumata o te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te mahi a te matū i roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore he ara kotahi. Ehara te matū i te aroha aroha, i te moepuku rānei, ko te katakata me te aroha platonika e tohaina ana e koe ki tētahi hoa tata he matū anō hoki. Ko te matū aroha he wāhanga noa iho o te whānuitanga. Hei tohutoro māu, anei ētahi momo matū whanaungatanga:

1. Te kukume tinana

Ki te nuinga o te tangata, koinei te tīmatanga – me te matū ā-tinana. Ko te ahua tonu o te kukume i te tangata ki te taha tinana, te mōhio kei te kitea e koe he ātaahua ia, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi i tēnā engari ka tīmata mārire me te titiro kanohi roa, me te whakahihiri. Ina kōrero tātou mō te ngaronga o te matū i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā e kōrero ana tātou mō te ngaronga o whakawhanaunga tinana me/ranei te kore o te hononga ā-ira tangata.

Ka kitea te kukume tinana i roto i ngā tohu tino mōhiotia o te tere o te manawa, te whānui o ngā karu, te pupuhi o te puku, me ērā atu mea. Ka tīmata pea te hononga ki te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā, ka mutu ina memeha haere. Kāore tēnei e whakaiti i tōna mana mena he mārama kei te rapu ngā taha katoa i te hononga ā-tinana anake.

Tērā pea ka pātai koe "Ka taea e te hiahia tinana te whanake i roto i te wā mā te noho tahi?" Ko te whakautu he āe, i ētahi wā ka taea e tētahi momo matū rerekē te whakatata tinana i te tangata, ā, ka taea ai e tēnei te arahi ki te aroha pono. Kāore e tika kia puta i roto i te raupapa rārangi.

2. Hononga hinengaro

He mea nui te āhua o te tinana i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ae, engari ehara i te mea ko te āhua anake. He painga tonu te hononga hinengaro kaha i waenganui i te tokorua. Koinei te wāhi e puta mai ai ngā kōrero pai, ngā tautohetohe roa, hōhonu i te pō, te āhua o tō kōrua noho hei kapa pai rawa atu i ngā pō pātai, me ērā atu mea.

Ko te hono atu i te taha hinengaro he tauira o te hononga pai, nā te mea kāore e pau te hiahia me te hiahia ki te ako tahi i ngā mea hou. Tērā pea he pai ki a kōrua te haere tahi ki ngā akomanga, te kōrero rānei mō te pūtaiao kei muri i ngā ariā ngaro. Kāore rānei e taea e kōrua te makona ki ngā kōrero tuku iho o te ao. Ariki o nga Rings ngā kōrero. Ko te matū hinengaro te tikanga he ōrite ō kōrua hinengaro!

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3. Hononga wairua

"I whakatau māua ko taku hoa pai ki te whāngai me te whakatipu tahi i tētahi tamaiti," te kī a Andie, 37 tau te pakeke, he kaiwhakahaere toi, "Ehara māua i te hoa aroha, engari he hononga tō māua. Ka titiro māua ki te ao mā te tirohanga kotahi, e whakapono ana māua he nui ake te kaupapa o ngā whanaungatanga pai rawa atu, ā, ko tā māua he whakahonore i te kōwhiringa ki te poipoi i tētahi oranga tahi me te āwhina i a māua anō kia eke ki te tipu whaiaro. E whakapono ana māua i huihuia māua e te ao whānui, ā, ko te tikanga kia noho māua ki roto i te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga wairua, ā, ko tāua te mātua tahi.”

Ina whakaarohia ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te hononga pai i roto i te whanaungatanga, he mea nui te wairua. Ki te mea he kaha ō whakapono, ka kaha anō hoki te hononga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ko te kukume tinana anake i puta mai i te titiro kanohi roa. He mea nui tēnei ina whakaarohia ana he aha te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha - te hononga, te hototahi rānei.

4. Herenga kare ā-roto

"Ka hangaia te hononga kare ā-roto i runga i ngā uara matua o te whanaungatanga o ngā whāinga me ngā hiahia ōrite," te kī a Nandita. Ko te matū kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te mōhio ki te tangata kē, te tirotiro mēnā e ōrite ana ō momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te mea kei te pai tō noho tahi me rātou ki te whakatuwhera me te whakaoho i te ngoikore i roto i te whanaungatangaKa taea e tēnei te whakaputa i te hototahitanga o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te wā. 

Ka taea te hanga hononga kare ā-roto mō te nuinga o te tangata, ahakoa he hononga tinana, kāore rānei. Ko te āhua o ō tātou kare ā-roto mō ō tātou hoa tata, mō ētahi mema o te whānau rānei, arā, ko te hunga e hiahia ana tātou ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa māna, he whakaata i te hononga kare ā-roto. Ina pātai koe, "Me pēhea te mahi a te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga?", he mea nui kia mahara he maha ngā huarahi e mahi ai.

5. Matū auaha

"He hoa mahi tōku kāore i tino pai ki ahau i te tīmatanga. He tino tika taku kōrero." hoha i roto i te whanaungatanga "I muri i ngā marama e toru o te noho hei hoa mahi māna. Kātahi ka tukuna māua ki te kaupapa kotahi, ā, ka kite ahau he tino rawe te hononga auaha. I whakawhitiwhiti whakaaro māua tetahi ki tetahi, he rite tonu te tirohanga mō te putanga whakamutunga, ā, i tautokohia hoki e ō māua pūkenga toi tetahi ki tetahi," te kī a Candace, 30 tau te pakeke, he kaihoahoa whakairoiro tana mahi.

Ko te hononga auaha i waenganui i te tokorua ko te wā e whai hoa tuhituhi ana koe hei pupuri i a koe kia whai kawenga, hei mārama hoki ki tō momo tuhituhi. Ka āwhina hoki rātou i a koe ki te ako i ngā mea hou. Ko te hoa mahi e mārama ana ki te take e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatata atu ki tētahi mahi i tētahi ara, ā, e whakarato ana i ngā mātauranga hangarau. Tērā pea kāore koe e pāwhiri i tētahi atu papa, engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea e kōrua te mahi tahi ki te waihanga i tētahi mea whakamiharo!

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5 Ngā Tohu kei a Koe te Matū o te Hononga ki tō Hoa

He aha ngā tohu tūturu o te hononga i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine, me/ranei i waenganui i te whānuitanga o ngā ira tangata? Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te noho taua mura e kore e taea te tautuhi, ā, kei te atawhaihia e kōrua? Anō, kāore he huarahi kotahi, tika hei whakatau kei a kōrua tēnei hononga. Ka taea e koe te whakamātautau hononga i roto i tētahi whakamātautau whanaungatanga engari he mea nui kia mahara ki ētahi tohu. Anei ētahi huarahi e whakaatu ana he pai tō hononga ki tētahi atu tangata.

1. Kei te tumanako koe ki te kite i a rātou i te mutunga o te rā

"He mea iti noa iho te āhua, engari ko te hoki atu ki te kanohi me te tangata kotahi i ia rā, i ia rā, me te tino tumanako atu ki taua mea he tohu o te hononga pai, ahakoa e whakaaro ana koe he mea nui rātou." ahi māhanga, hoa wairua rānei,” te kī a Nandita. Ina hoki, ina whakaaro koe ki te ngaronga o te hononga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui hei tirotiro māu ko te kore noa iho koe e hiahia ki te hoki ki te kāinga.

He mea nui rawa tēnei i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa, ina memeha haere te hononga wairua me te hononga kare ā-roto. He uaua te pupuri i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, ki te kore he uaua ake i te pupuri i te whanaungatanga ki ngā Kardashians. Nō reira, kia aro ki ngā mea iti - ngā ngota o te hononga whanaungatanga.

2. He pai tō wairua ina noho tahi koe me rātou

He pātai nui hei pātai atu ki a koe anō i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he aha te āhua o ō kōrua kare ā-roto i te taha o tētahi ki tētahi? te whanau paitini ki te mea rānei he mahi tukino mārire, ka pāngia koe e te manukanuka, e te kore rānei e tino māia ki a koe anō ina noho tahi koe me tō hoa. I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ina kitea te hononga whanaungatanga me te pānga o te tipu whaiaro, ka harikoa, ka haumaru hoki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu hononga tino kaha.

Kia mahara, ehara tēnei i te kī kāore rawa kōrua e tautohetohe, e whawhai rānei. Kāore hoki i te kī ka noho tahi kōrua ake tonu atu. Engari mō te roa o tō kōrua noho tahi, ahakoa te whakaaro ki a rāua ka menemene tonu koe, ahakoa kua hipa kē kōrua i ngā wāhanga tōmua o te aroha ki tētahi hononga, ā, te āhua nei kāore e taea e rāua te mahi he.

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3. He ngahau, he hihiko hoki tō oranga moepuku

Me kōrero tāua mō te taatai, e tama! Kua kōrero tonu tāua mō te hononga o te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ko te kukume tinana me te hononga anake te take o te hononga, engari kua tae ki te wā kia whakaae ko te oranga taatai ​​hauora, ngahau hoki tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te hononga i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine, i ngā hoa tokorua rānei. Ko te taatai ​​ngahau e pā ana ki ngā mea e ngahau ana māu. Ā, ko te hononga pai e pā ana ki ngā mea e makona ai kōrua ko tō hoa.

Ahakoa he uaua ki te pupuri i te hiahia moepuku ina kei roto koe i te hononga wā roaAhakoa kua tawhito te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea me heke te hiahia taikaha.

"Ki ahau nei, ko te kata me te noho wairangi i runga i te moenga tētahi o aku mea tino pai i roto i te whanaungatanga. Koinei taku whakamārama i te hononga ā-ira tangata," te whakaae a Amina, he kaihoahoa whenua 33-tau te pakeke, "Ko ia pukapuka aroha kua pānuihia e au e kōrero ana mō te kaha me te taumaha o ngā mea ina ngākau nui te tangata, engari ko te katakata me te kaha pai e kawea mai ana e te tangata ki te taatai ​​me te whanaungatanga piripono ka tino harikoa ake ahau." Koinei tētahi o ngā tauira hononga whanaungatanga e whakaatu ana i te kaha o te hononga ā-ira tangata kaha, whai hua, ki ngā tāngata rerekē. 

4. He whanaungatanga piripono, he mahana hoki

He mea nui te taatai, engari he mea nui anō hoki tō whanaungatanga piripono i tua atu i te rūma moe (me ētahi atu rūma), ā, koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu matū tino kaha. Ki ahau nei, ko te whanaungatanga piripono he pōro nui, he pona, he huruhuru hipi o te pā, te whakawhirinaki, te kata, te roimata, ngā kupu, me te wahangu. Ā, i roto i ēnei pona, ka kitea e tātou he porowhita e taupatupatu ana me ētahi tāngata he hononga kare ā-roto tō tātou.

"Ehara i te mea ko te mahana o te whanaungatanga anake te mea e pā ana ki te werawera o te wā tuatahi e tūtaki ai ō kanohi, ki te werawera rānei o ngā mea i waenganui i a kōrua i roto i te rūma moe," te kī a Nandita, "Ka puta te whanaungatanga mai i te whakapuaki i ngā harikoa me ngā pouri iti o ia rā, te kōrero mō tō rā, me ērā atu mea. Mō pā kore-ira – te kihi i te rae, te pupuri ringa, te ringa i runga i tō pakihiwi, te taha iti o te tuara rānei e pā ana, me ētahi atu.”

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5. He nui te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i a kōrua

Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga angitu, ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tauira tino pai o te hononga. Ina whakaaroaro koe ki te mea nui ake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga - te hononga, te hototahi rānei - whakaarohia te nui o tō whakawhirinaki ki te tangata e pā ana ki a koe.

Ko te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ehara i te mea ko te pono me te noho pūmau anake, engari ko te whakawhirinaki anō hoki ki a rātou kia nui ai te whakaraerae me te tuwhera ki a rātou. Tērā pea he tohu hononga kaha i ngā taumata katoa, engari ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, ki te kore rānei kua pakaru te whakawhirinaki, he uaua ki te pupuri i tētahi hononga.

Tērā pea kei a kōrua ētahi momo hononga e pai ana ki a kōrua, engari kāore i ētahi atu, ā, he pai ki a koe tēnā. Tērā pea he tino pai tō kōrua hononga ā-tinana, engari kāore i te tino pai mō te hononga kare ā-roto, ā-hinengaro rānei. Ko te tikanga o tēnā he pai tō kōrua hononga engari kāore he hototahitanga? Kāore rawa.

He mea nui kia mōhio koe ki tāu e rapu ana i tētahi wā o te whanaungatanga, ā, kia mahara kāore he hoa rangatira tino pai. Heoi, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ka taea ō hiahia te huri, ā, ka whakaaetia kia huri. Kāore he he o te mahi i runga i ō hiahia, ahakoa kei te whakaaro koe he nui ake te hononga i waenganui i a koe i te hototahitanga, i te ritenga kē rānei. Ā, he pai hoki te kore e aro ki te kī, "He tangata pai engari kāore he hononga." Kia pono ki a koe anō me ō hoa rangatira, ā, ka whai ake ngā mea katoa. Kei te hiahia mātou kia nui te hononga werawera i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō oranga. Kia ora!

Kua whakahoutia tēnei pou i te Pipiri 2023.

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