Te Matū o te Hononga - He aha te mea, ngā momo me ngā tohu

He uaua ki te tautuhi i ngā tohu hononga i waenganui i te tokorua. Ko te 'hihiko' e kore e taea te tautuhi ka rongo koe ina 'pāwhiri' tonu koe ki tētahi? Ko te ngau o te kukume tinana, ko te kōrero tino pai rānei e whakaaro ana koe kei te kotahi te whakaaro mō ngā mea katoa? He poraka nui te hononga whanaungatanga, kāore rānei?

"Me te mea he hononga ā-tinana tōku, kāore he rite ki a rātou, inā koa i te wā tuatahi," te amuamu a Alex, "Kātahi ka tūtaki ahau ki tētahi tāne tino pai engari kāore he hononga. Kāore i te rite ki te momo kukume tonu e kitea ana e au. He pai ki te kōrero ki a rātou, ki te noho tahi, ki te whakapau i te wā roa ki a rātou, engari te āhua nei kua ngaro taua mura. Āe, he onge te hononga ki tētahi e pai ana ki a koe!"

Ahakoa e tautoko ana mātou i te kaha o te kukume tinana, me te mahi i runga i taua mea hei whakangahau i a koe, ka taea e te hononga pai te neke atu i taua mura tonu o te wā marena hou me te kaha ōrite i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I pātai mātou ki te tohunga hinengaro a Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te kaunihera takirua, mō ētahi tirohanga mō te hononga whanaungatanga, ōna momo, me ngā tohu e tino kitea ana e koe taua kaha ki tō hoa.

He aha te Hototahitanga o ngā Hononga?

"Ko te matū o te whanaungatanga he hononga kare ā-roto nui ki tētahi atu tangata," te kī a Nandita , "He maha ngā tāngata e whakapoauau ana i tēnei hononga ki te hononga tinana, engari me tino teitei hoki te kaha o te kare ā-roto. Inaa, ka taea te kī ko tēnei hononga he ngākau nui, he aroha rānei. I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te whanaungatanga, ka kī pea te tangata kei te aroha koe ki tō hoa i te wā e tino kaha ana tēnei matū."

Ko te rerekētanga i waenga i te matū me te hototahi, e ai ki a Nandita, i roto i te hototahi, ka titiro tātou ki ngā uara matua o te whanaungatanga o te tangata me te tūponotanga o tō rātou noho roa i roto i ō tātou ao. "Ko te matū e pā ana ki ō tātou kare ā-roto mō rātou i ia rā, te mahana, te pai, te hiahia kia noho tahi tātou i ngā wā katoa, me te hiahia kia harikoa rātou," tana kī.

Nō reira, ina tae ki te hononga taurite me te hononga matū, ko tēhea te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga? Āe, ko te mea pai, me whai i ngā mea e rua te whanaungatanga pai. He ngāwari ki te whakakore i te hononga matū hei hiahia poto noa iho, he mea hoki ka memeha haere atu i te hononga taurite. Ahakoa ka tīmata pea te hononga matū hei mea noa iho, pērā i te mura o te kanohi i puta mai i te titiro kanohi, ka mutu ka huri hei whanaungatanga hoa, taurite, ka hoatu te taha mahana me te hiahia ki te mura pumau o te taurite me te roa o te wā e pau ana. 

He pēhea te hiranga o te matū i roto i te whanaungatanga?

He pātai nui tēnei: ​​he aha te hiranga o te hononga i waenganui i te tokorua? E kī ana a Nandita, "He mea tino nui te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa rā, ka taea e koe te whai hononga pumau, pumau, ahakoa he iti noa te hononga, kāore rānei. Heoi, ki taku whakaaro, koinei te wāhi ka uru mai ai te hoha. E mōhio ana koe kei a koe tetahi mea ka taea, ā, ka roa pea, ā, he pai tēnā. Engari ina teitei te hononga, ka puta te kaha me te ngākau nui i waenganui i te tokorua, ka nui ake te ngahau me te aroha."

E kōrero ana a Dani, he kaipānui nō Berkeley, mō tāna kōrero, he tauira whakaatu i te pānga o te hononga, te kore rānei o te hononga, ki tētahi whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Kua 15 tau māua ko taku tāne e noho tahi ana. Nā te aro nui ki ngā kanohi i te rā tuatahi i kukume i a māua tetahi ki tetahi. E mōhio ana koe, he aroha pono taitamariki. I noho tahi māua i te kura tuarua me te whare wānanga, nō reira te marena te āhua nei ko te taahiraa whai muri."

"Ehara i te mea kāore au i te harikoa, ā, e mōhio ana ahau ka rerekē ngā whanaungatanga whaiaro i roto i te wā, engari he mea tino ngaro, arā, ko te whakaaro 'ko ia taku tangata, ahakoa pēhea'. He hototahi tā māua i roto i te marena engari kāore i te rite tonu, ā, kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te whakaoho anō i te aroha."

He maha ngā āhua me ngā rahi o ngā whanaungatanga, nō reira kāore he he o tēnei. Engari kāore koe e hiahia ki te noho pōuri me te hiahia ki tētahi atu oranga i roto i te ao. Ka taea e koe te kōwhiri kia kaua e uru atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei, ki te whakaaro rānei ki tētahi whanaungatanga tuwhera, ki tētahi whanaungatanga maha rānei mēnā e hiahia ana koe.

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Te matū hauora me te matū kore hauora

Ahakoa he mea nui te matū hei whakaoho i tētahi hononga aroha, hei pupuri hoki i taua hononga, ka taea hoki e ia te kukume i a koe ki te hunga kāore pea i te pai mōu. Koia te take he mea nui kia mārama koe ki te rerekētanga o te matū hauora me te matū kore hauora kia taea ai e koe te mōhio tika ki tāu e pā ana.

Ina he pai, he hauora te hononga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga,

• Ka rere ngā mura ina noho tahi ngā tāngata tokorua, heoi, ehara i te mea he mīharo noa iho. Ko te hononga kare ā-roto kaha i waenganui i a rāua e pupuri ana i te mura e mura tonu ana.
• He māmā noa te rere o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ka kōrero koe, ka whakarongo hoki, kāore he aukati, kāore hoki he wehi kei rapu utu koe.
• Horonga te taupatupatu tautohe e whakamahia ana. Ka mahi tahi kōrua ki te whakaoti rapanga mā te whakaae me te mārama tetahi ki tetahi
• Ka tautokona, ka whakatenatenahia hoki te tipu. Ka akiakihia e kōrua tetahi i tetahi kia whai i ā kōrua whāinga, kia noho ko kōrua te hunga pai rawa atu.

Te koretake o te matū i roto i ngā whanaungatanga,

• Ahakoa he kaha te matū me te kukume o te tinana i te tīmatanga, ka tere tonu te noho hei kaupapa matua mō tō hononga.
• He uaua te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, he kore rānei. He uaua ki te tokorua te whakapuaki i ō rāua kare ā-roto me te mārama ki ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi.
• Ka takahia, ka warewarehia rānei ngā here. Ka pehia te takitahi, ka whakaekea te wāhi whaiaro.
• Ka whakakapia te tipu e te noho pūmau me te ngākau māhaki. Ka warewarehia, ka whakakorengia rānei ngā wawata me ngā moemoeā.

Kia maumahara, ko te whanaungatanga hauora me te hononga pai i waenganui i te tokorua me meinga koe kia arohaina, kia tautokona, kia hihirihia hoki kia tutuki ai tō tipu whaiaro, ā, me whai tohu hononga tahi me te whakaute tahi. Engari ko te whanaungatanga kino ka taea te whakangaro i tō harikoa me tō oranga ngākau. Kōwhiria me te whakaaro nui, ā, poipoia te hononga e whakaputa ana i te pai o roto i a kōrua ahakoa te onge o te hononga ki tētahi.

Hototahi Vs Matū

I roto i te whanaungatanga aroha, ka puta te hiahia i roto i te matū, engari ka mura te mura e mau tonu ana. Ko te tukinga o ngā ahi mura ki te marino o te tōnga o te rā. Āe, ko tēhea te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga: te matū, te hototahi rānei? Hei kimi i te whakautu, me mārama koe ki te rerekētanga o te hototahi me te matū.

I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, he huinga o ngā mea e rua, ka rere noa ngā mura ahi, ka kitea he piringa o ngā ngākau i roto i te awhi a tētahi ki tētahi, i a kōrua e haere ana i te ara aroha.

Ngā Momo Matū o te Hononga

Pērā i ngā whanaungatanga he maha ngā āhua me ngā rahi, he rerekē anō hoki ngā taumata o te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te mahi a te matū i roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore he ara kotahi. Ehara te matū i te aroha aroha, i te moepuku rānei, ko te katakata me te aroha platonika e tohaina ana e koe ki tētahi hoa tata he matū anō hoki. Ko te matū aroha he wāhanga noa iho o te whānuitanga. Hei tohutoro māu, anei ētahi momo matū whanaungatanga:

1. Te kukume tinana

Ki te nuinga o te tangata, koinei te tīmatanga – me te hononga ā-tinana. Ko te āhua tonu o te kukume i te tangata ki te taha tinana, te mōhio kei te ātaahua koe ki a ia, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi i tēnā, engari ka tīmata mārire mā te titiro kanohi roa, me te whakahihiri. Ina kōrero tātou mō te ngaronga o te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā e kōrero ana tātou mō te ngaronga o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana , me/te kore rānei o te hononga ā-ira tangata.

Ka kitea te kukume tinana i roto i ngā tohu tino mōhiotia o te tere o te manawa, te whānui o ngā karu, te pupuhi o te puku, me ērā atu mea. Ka tīmata pea te hononga ki te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā, ka mutu ina memeha haere. Kāore tēnei e whakaiti i tōna mana mena he mārama kei te rapu ngā taha katoa i te hononga ā-tinana anake.

Tērā pea ka pātai koe "Ka taea e te hiahia tinana te whanake i roto i te wā mā te noho tahi?" Ko te whakautu he āe, i ētahi wā ka taea e tētahi momo matū rerekē te whakatata tinana i te tangata, ā, ka taea ai e tēnei te arahi ki te aroha pono. Kāore e tika kia puta i roto i te raupapa rārangi.

2. Hononga hinengaro

He mea nui te āhua o te tinana i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ae, engari ehara i te mea ko te āhua anake. He painga tonu te hononga hinengaro kaha i waenganui i te tokorua. Koinei te wāhi e puta mai ai ngā kōrero pai, ngā tautohetohe roa, hōhonu i te pō, te āhua o tō kōrua noho hei kapa pai rawa atu i ngā pō pātai, me ērā atu mea.

Ko te hononga i te taumata hinengaro he tauira o te hononga pai, nā te mea kāore e pau te hiahia me te hiahia ki te ako tahi i ngā mea hou. Tērā pea he pai ki a kōrua te haere tahi ki ngā akomanga, te kōrero rānei mō te pūtaiao kei muri i ngā ariā ngaro. Kāore rānei e taea e kōrua te makona ki ngā kōrero tuku iho o ngā pūrākau o te pukapuka Lord of the Rings . Mā te hononga hinengaro, he ōrite ō kōrua hinengaro!

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3. Hononga wairua

"I whakatau māua ko taku hoa pai ki te whāngai me te whakatipu tahi i tētahi tamaiti," te kī a Andie, 37 tau te pakeke, he kaiwhakahaere toi, "Ehara māua i te hoa aroha, engari he hononga tō māua. Ka titiro māua ki te ao mā te tirohanga kotahi, e whakapono ana māua he kaupapa teitei ake ngā whanaungatanga pai rawa atu, ā, ko tā māua he whakahonore i te kōwhiringa ki te poipoi i tētahi oranga tahi me te āwhina i a māua anō kia eke ki te tipu whaiaro. E whakapono ana māua i huihuia māua e te ao whānui, ā, ko te tikanga kia noho māua ki roto i te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga wairua , ā, ko te tikanga kia noho māua hei mātua tahi."

Ina whakaarohia ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te hononga pai i roto i te whanaungatanga, he mea nui te wairua. Ki te mea he kaha ō whakapono, ka kaha anō hoki te hononga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ko te kukume tinana anake i puta mai i te titiro kanohi roa. He mea nui tēnei ina whakaarohia ana he aha te mea nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha - te hononga, te hototahi rānei.

4. Herenga kare ā-roto

"Ka hangaia te hononga kare ā-roto i runga i ngā uara matua o te whanaungatanga, arā, ngā whāinga me ngā hiahia ōrite," te kī a Nandita. Ko te matū kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te mōhio ki te tangata kē, te tirotiro mēnā e ōrite ana ō momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te mea kei te pai tō noho tahi me rātou, kia taea ai e koe te whakatuwhera me te whakaoho i te ngoikore i roto i te whanaungatanga . Ka taea hoki e tēnei te huri hei hototahi kare ā-roto i roto i te wā.

Ka taea te hanga hononga kare ā-roto mō te nuinga o te tangata, ahakoa he hononga tinana, kāore rānei. Ko te āhua o ō tātou kare ā-roto mō ō tātou hoa tata, mō ētahi mema o te whānau rānei, arā, ko te hunga e hiahia ana tātou ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa māna, he whakaata i te hononga kare ā-roto. Ina pātai koe, "Me pēhea te mahi a te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga?", he mea nui kia mahara he maha ngā huarahi e mahi ai.

5. Matū auaha

"He hoa mahi tōku kāore i tino pai ki ahau i te tīmatanga. I tino hoha ahau ki tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i ngā marama e toru o te noho hei hoa mahi māna. Kātahi ka tukuna māua ki te kaupapa kotahi, ā, ka kite ahau he tino rawe tō māua hononga auaha. I whakawhitiwhiti whakaaro māua tetahi ki tetahi, he rite tonu te tirohanga mō te putanga whakamutunga, ā, i tautokohia hoki ō māua pūkenga toi," te kī a Candace, 30 tau te pakeke, he kaihoahoa whakairoiro tana mahi.

Ko te hononga auaha i waenganui i te tokorua ko te wā e whai hoa tuhituhi ana koe hei pupuri i a koe kia whai kawenga, hei mārama hoki ki tō momo tuhituhi. Ka āwhina hoki rātou i a koe ki te ako i ngā mea hou. Ko te hoa mahi e mārama ana ki te take e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatata atu ki tētahi mahi i tētahi ara, ā, e whakarato ana i ngā mātauranga hangarau. Tērā pea kāore koe e pāwhiri i tētahi atu papa, engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea e kōrua te mahi tahi ki te waihanga i tētahi mea whakamiharo!

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5 Ngā Tohu kei a Koe te Matū o te Hononga ki tō Hoa

He aha ngā tohu tūturu o te hononga i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine, me/ranei i waenganui i te whānuitanga o ngā ira tangata? Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te noho taua mura e kore e taea te tautuhi, ā, kei te atawhaihia e kōrua? Anō, kāore he huarahi kotahi, tika hei whakatau kei a kōrua tēnei hononga. Ka taea e koe te whakamātautau hononga i roto i tētahi whakamātautau whanaungatanga engari he mea nui kia mahara ki ētahi tohu. Anei ētahi huarahi e whakaatu ana he pai tō hononga ki tētahi atu tangata.

1. Kei te tumanako koe ki te kite i a rātou i te mutunga o te rā

"He mea iti noa iho te āhua, engari ko te hoki atu ki te kanohi me te tangata kotahi i ia rā, i ia rā, me te tumanako atu ki taua mea he tohu pai o te hononga whanaungatanga, ahakoa e whakaaro ana koe he hoa māhanga, he hoa wairua rānei ," te kī a Nandita. Inaa, ina whakaaro koe ki te ngaronga o te hononga i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui hei tirotiro ko te kore noa iho e hiahia ki te hoki ki te kāinga ki a rātou.

He mea nui rawa tēnei i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa, ina memeha haere te hononga wairua me te hononga kare ā-roto. He uaua te pupuri i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, ki te kore he uaua ake i te pupuri i te whanaungatanga ki ngā Kardashians. Nō reira, kia aro ki ngā mea iti - ngā ngota o te hononga whanaungatanga.

2. He pai tō wairua ina noho tahi koe me rātou

He pātai nui hei pātai atu ki a koe anō i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he aha te āhua o ō kōrua kare ā-roto i te taha o tētahi ki tētahi? I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino , i tētahi whanaungatanga tūkino rānei, ka pāngia koe e te manukanuka, e te kore rānei e tino māia ki a koe anō ina noho tahi kōrua me tō hoa. I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ina kitea te hononga whanaungatanga me te pānga o te tipu whaiaro, ka harikoa, ka haumaru hoki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu hononga whanaungatanga tino kaha.

Kia mahara, ehara tēnei i te kī kāore rawa kōrua e tautohetohe, e whawhai rānei. Kāore hoki i te kī ka noho tahi kōrua ake tonu atu. Engari mō te roa o tō kōrua noho tahi, ahakoa te whakaaro ki a rāua ka menemene tonu koe, ahakoa kua hipa kē kōrua i ngā wāhanga tōmua o te aroha ki tētahi hononga, ā, te āhua nei kāore e taea e rāua te mahi he.

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3. He ngahau, he hihiko hoki tō oranga moepuku

Me kōrero tāua mō te taatai, e tama! Kua kōrero tonu tāua mō te hononga o te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ko te kukume tinana me te hononga anake te take o te hononga, engari kua tae ki te wā kia whakaae ko te oranga taatai ​​hauora, ngahau hoki tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te hononga i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine, i ngā hoa tokorua rānei. Ko te taatai ​​ngahau e pā ana ki ngā mea e ngahau ana māu. Ā, ko te hononga pai e pā ana ki ngā mea e makona ai kōrua ko tō hoa.

Ahakoa he uaua ki te pupuri i te hiahia moepuku ina roa te whanaungatanga , ahakoa kua tawhito te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea me heke te hiahia moepuku.

"Ki ahau nei, ko te kata me te noho wairangi i runga i te moenga tētahi o aku mea tino pai i roto i te whanaungatanga. Koinei taku whakamārama i te hononga ā-ira tangata," te whakaae a Amina, he kaihoahoa whenua 33-tau te pakeke, "Ko ia pukapuka aroha kua pānuihia e au e kōrero ana mō te kaha me te taumaha o ngā mea ina ngākau nui te tangata, engari ko te katakata me te kaha pai e kawea mai ana e te tangata ki te taatai ​​me te whanaungatanga piripono ka tino harikoa ake ahau." Koinei tētahi o ngā tauira hononga whanaungatanga e whakaatu ana i te kaha o te hononga ā-ira tangata kaha, whai hua, ki ngā tāngata rerekē. 

4. He whanaungatanga piripono, he mahana hoki

He mea nui te taatai, engari he mea nui anō hoki tō whanaungatanga piripono i tua atu i te rūma moe (me ētahi atu rūma), ā, koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu matū tino kaha. Ki ahau nei, ko te whanaungatanga piripono he pōro nui, he pona, he huruhuru hipi o te pā, te whakawhirinaki, te kata, te roimata, ngā kupu, me te wahangu. Ā, i roto i ēnei pona, ka kitea e tātou he porowhita e taupatupatu ana me ētahi tāngata he hononga kare ā-roto tō tātou.

"Ehara i te mea ko te mahana o te whanaungatanga anake te mea e pā ana ki te werawera o te wā tuatahi e tūtaki ai ō kanohi, ki te werawera rānei o ngā mea i waenganui i a kōrua i roto i te rūma moe," te kī a Nandita, "Ka puta te whanaungatanga mai i te whakapuaki i ngā harikoa me ngā pouri iti o ia rā, te kōrero mō tō rā, me ērā atu mea. He pā kore-ira – te kihi i te rae, te pupuri ringa, te ringa ki tō pakihiwi, te pā noa rānei ki te tuara, me ērā atu mea."

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5. He nui te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i a kōrua

Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga angitu, ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tauira tino pai o te hononga. Ina whakaaroaro koe ki te mea nui ake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga - te hononga, te hototahi rānei - whakaarohia te nui o tō whakawhirinaki ki te tangata e pā ana ki a koe.

Ko te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga ehara i te mea ko te pono me te noho pūmau anake, engari ko te whakawhirinaki ki a rātou kia nui ai te whakaraerae me te tuwhera ki a rātou. Tērā pea he tohu hononga kaha i ngā taumata katoa, engari ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, ki te pakaru rānei te whakawhirinaki , he uaua ki te pupuri i te hononga.

Tērā pea kei a kōrua ētahi momo hononga e pai ana ki a kōrua, engari kāore i ētahi atu, ā, he pai ki a koe tēnā. Tērā pea he tino pai tō kōrua hononga ā-tinana, engari kāore i te tino pai mō te hononga kare ā-roto, ā-hinengaro rānei. Ko te tikanga o tēnā he pai tō kōrua hononga engari kāore he hototahitanga? Kāore rawa.

He mea nui kia mōhio koe ki tāu e rapu ana i tētahi wā o te whanaungatanga, ā, kia mahara kāore he hoa rangatira tino pai. Heoi, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ka taea ō hiahia te huri, ā, ka whakaaetia kia huri. Kāore he he o te mahi i runga i ō hiahia, ahakoa kei te whakaaro koe he nui ake te hononga i waenganui i a koe i te hototahitanga, i te ritenga kē rānei. Ā, he pai hoki te kore e aro ki te kī, "He tangata pai engari kāore he hononga." Kia pono ki a koe anō me ō hoa rangatira, ā, ka whai ake ngā mea katoa. Kei te hiahia mātou kia nui te hononga werawera i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō oranga. Kia ora!

Kua whakahoutia tēnei pou i te Pipiri 2023.

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