Me pēhea te whakatau i te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana

He merekara te hapūtanga. Heoi, ehara i te mea ngaro he mamae tuara (tino pono) ā, he nui ngā huringa e puta mai ana i te oranga o te tokorua. I ētahi wā, kāore ngā whanaungatanga e angitu, ā, tera pea ka kitea koe kei waenganui koe i te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i a koe e hapū ana.

He nui te taumaha o te hāputanga, engari he uaua te wehe atu i te whanaungatanga. Heoi, ki te mōhio koe kāore te whanaungatanga e pai ana mōu, ko te noho tonu ki konei nā te mea he uaua rawa te wehe atu ko te tikanga he whakaroa i te mahi.

Ahakoa te mataku o te whakaaro ka mutu te whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana, kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea ko koe anake. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te rapu huarahi pai hei whakahaere i tēnei raruraru ohorere. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka kōrerohia e te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu mō ngā whara. Anushtha Mishra (MSc., Counseling Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakarato rongoā mō ngā āwangawanga pēnei i te whara, ngā raruraru whanaungatanga, te pouri, te manukanuka, te pouri, me te mokemoke me ētahi atu, e tuhituhi ana mō te huarahi hei whakatau i te wehenga i te wā e hapu ana, e noho tahi ana hoki.

He aha ngā wero ka pā mai i te hapūtanga ki te oranga o te tokorua?

He tīmatanga hou te hapūtanga i roto i te oranga o te wahine. Kei te huri tō tinana, ā, he maha ngā mea kei roto i tō oranga e huri haere ana, tae atu ki te whanaungatanga e tohaina ana e kōrua ko tō hoa. Hei tokorua, kāore pea tēnei i te tino maeneene o tā kōrua haerenga tahi tae noa ki tēnei wā.

He wā uaua te hapūtanga i roto i te oranga o te tokorua, ā, ahakoa tō hiahia ki te tiaki i tō hononga ki tō hoa rangatira, tera pea ka puta mai ngā wero. He mea nui kia tautuhia ēnei kia taea ai te rapu huarahi hei whakatau tika i aua wero. Kei raro nei ētahi wero ka puta mai i te hapūtanga i roto i te oranga o te tokorua:

1. Tērā pea ka kore e taea te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

He wheako taimaha te hapūtanga mō ngā mātua e rua. Ko tētahi o ngā wheako rite tonu rangahau E whakaatu ana tēnei he tino taumahatanga te wā hapūtanga mō ngā whaea e hapu ana. I roto i taua rangahau, tata ki te 17% o ngā wāhine i pāngia e te ahotea hinengaro. Nā tēnei momo ahotea ka uaua ake te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me ō whakaaro ki tō hoa rangatira nā te mea kua nui rawa ngā mea hei whakahaere māu.

Te kore korero He tūmomo mōrearea tēnei ki te oranga tonutanga o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka whakanui ake i ngā pakanga, ā, ka puta he tirohanga kino ki tō hoa. He kino hoki ki tō hauora, koinei te mea whakamutunga e hiahiatia ana e koe ina hapu koe.

Nō reira, he mea nui kia kaua e huna ō āwangawanga, engari kia kōrerohia te ahotea me te manukanuka. Kōrerohia te āhua o te noho hei mātua, tae atu ki ō tumanakohanga, ngā wero ka pā mai pea ki a koe, me ngā whakaritenga tiaki tamariki.

2. Ka rerekē ngā tumanakohanga

He maha ngā huringa e pā mai ana i te hapūtanga. Nā reira, me whakarerekē ngā tumanakohanga a ngā hoa rangatira tetahi i tetahi kia wātea ai ēnei huringa. Ki te kore e whakarerekētia ngā tumanakohanga, ka pā mai ngā pouri, nā te mea he tino uaua ki ngā hoa rangatira te whakatutuki i ngā tumanakohanga i mua i te hapūtanga.

He maha hoki ngā huringa whanonga e pā ana ki ngā wāhine i te wā e hapu ana. Mā te tumanako a tō hoa kia mahia e koe ngā mea katoa i mahia e koe i mua ka kore koe e harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga i a koe e hapu ana. Waihoki, ka rerekē te āhua.

Te huri ngā tumanakohanga i roto i te whanaungatanga Tērā pea he āhua taumaha rawa i te tīmatanga, ā, koinei tētahi o ngā wero nui rawa atu mō te tokorua i te wā e hapu ana. He mea nui kia matapakihia ngā tumanakohanga i mua i te wā kia māmā ake ai te wā whakawhiti mō kōrua.

3. He whakawhiti kawenga i waenganui i te tokorua

Haunga ngā panonitanga o ngā tumanakohanga, ka huri anō hoki ngā kawenga. He maha ngā mea me mahi e kōrua, pērā i te whakaako i a kōrua anō mō ​​ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te whānautanga o tētahi pēpi, te whakarite i te kāinga mō te taenga mai o tā kōrua pēpi hou, me ērā atu mea. Me nui ake te kawenga o tō hoa rangatira i tēnei wā, tae atu ki te tiaki i a koe me ō hiahia kare ā-roto.

Ka huri hoki tō kawenga matua ki a koe anō me te tiaki i tō pēpi, ā, tera pea ka aro nui koe ki te ako mō te tukanga whānau, te whānautanga, me te whakaoranga i muri i te whānautanga. Ahakoa ka whakawhirinaki koe ki tō hoa rangatira, me tango hoki e koe te kawenga ki te tuku i tō hoa rangatira ki roto. Inaa, koinā tētahi o ā rātou tumanakohanga.

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4. Tērā pea ka heke te moepuku

Ko te tikanga o tēnei, he wā kāore he mahi moepuku i waenganui i te tokorua. He mea noa te huri o tō hiahia moepuku i te wā e hapu ana. Kāore tēnei e manukanuka. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe he tino pai te moepuku i te wā e hapu ana, kāore rānei koe e hiahia ki te mahi pērā.

A ako e tohu ana ko te hapūtanga he wā o te kore moepuku mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Ko te take nui o tēnei ko te āwangawanga mō te oranga o te pēpi. Heoi, nā te kore mōhiotanga i puta mai ai tēnei. E ai ki Ratonga Hauora a Motu (NSH), he tino haumaru te moe i te wā e hapu ana, ki te kore koe e tohutohu mai i tō tākuta kia kaua e moe.

Tērā pea ka tino uaua te kore mōhio me te wehi mō te pēpi nā te mea ka taea e ngā wā mangere o te moepuku te whakararuraru, ā, ka ara ake pea te kare o te mokemoke, te kore hononga, me te māramatanga, inā koa mēnā e hiahia ana tētahi o ngā hoa engari kāore tētahi e pai.

5. Tērā pea ka rerekē te wairua o te whanaungatanga

He wā hapūtanga ka rerekē haere ngā homoni, ka nui te pōuri. He maha ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te whaea e hapu ana – te harikoa, te riri, te pukuriri, te pōuri, tae atu ki te manukanuka.

Heoi anō, he maha ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki tō hoa, mai i te harikoa ki te pōhēhē ki te koretake. Mā ēnei huringa kare ā-roto e pā ana ki a koe me te pēhanga katoa e pā ana ki tō hoa, ka huri pea i te kare ā-roto o te whanaungatanga katoa.

He uaua tēnei nā te mea he tino ahotea te pupuri i te wāhi mō tētahi ki tētahi te whakatikatika aronganui ina he ngoikore kōrua. He mea nui te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi hei whakaoti i tēnei wero.

Ngā Take hei Whakamutu i te Hononga i te Wā e Hapū ana

He taiohi a Anna, ā, e whā marama te haputanga, ā, he maha āna pātai ki ana hoa, "I whakarērea ahau e taku hoa tāne i te wā e hapu ana, ka hoki mai anō ia? He aha ahau i whakarērea ai i ahau e hapu ana?" Ka mea ana hoa ki a ia kua riro atu ia mō ake tonu atu. Engari he aha te take? He aha ngā take e pakaru ai te whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana?

He mea whakamataku te wehe i te mātua o tō pēpi, ā, e mōhio ana ahau he mea whakamataku te whakamutu i tētahi hononga i a koe e hapu ana. Ahakoa ka taea e koe te wikitoria i ētahi o ngā wero e pā ana ki te tokorua i te wā e hapu ana, tera etahi nga wero hononga Kāore e taea e koe te mahi i tetahi mea mōna. Tērā pea he mea nui kia whakamutua te whanaungatanga.

Nāu ake e whakatau ngā mea kāore e taea te whiriwhiri, āu ake take mō te whakauru atu, te wehe atu rānei i tō whanaungatanga, ahakoa kei te hapu koe, kei te aha rānei. Mena kei te pōuri koe i ngā wero o te haputanga, ā, kāore koe i te tino mōhio mō te heke mai, he pai pea te whakaaro ki ēnei take noa e mutu ai te whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana te tangata.

1. Te kore tautoko

He mea whakamiharo te hapūtanga, engari he mea uaua hoki mō te tokorua. Ka neke te arotahi ki te hapūtanga, ā, hononga kare ā-roto i ētahi wā ka noho whakamuri. Ka pōhēhē pea tēnei ki tō hoa, ā, ka iti ake pea tō rātou hihiri mō te hapūtanga, ka kore rānei e tino hiahia. Ki te mau tonu tēnei, ā, ka kore tonu te tautoko, ka noho hei whanaungatanga kino. Nāu te whakatau, engari he whakaaro pai te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i te wā e hapū ana, ahakoa he tino whakamataku.

I ētahi wā, ka puta pea te whakaaro o te hoa ki ngā āhuatanga orotika me ngā mea ngahau o te hapūtanga pērā i ngā pikitia hapūtanga, engari ka wareware rawa ki ngā mea pērā i te mate o te ata. Ina pāngia rātou e ngā āhuatanga uaua o te hapūtanga, ka anga atu rātou ki ngā pukepuke. He āhuatanga noa tēnei mō te wehenga, inā koa i waenga i ngā taiohi.

2. Kei te ruarua tō hoa mō te haputanga

He nui ngā panonitanga e puta mai ana i te hapūtanga. Ahakoa i whakaaro kōrua kua rite kōrua mō tēnei, tera pea ka mōhio tō hoa he nui atu i tā rāua e taea te whakahaere. Tērā pea ka pāngia rāua e te makariri. Ki te roa ake te makariri o tō hoa i tō kōrua e taea ai te whakahaere, he take pea tēnei mō te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga i a kōrua e hapū ana.

Ki te kore e tino mōhio te hoa rangatira ki tōna kaha ki te whakahaere i te haputanga, i te whānautanga rānei, ka pāngia koe e te ahotea me te mamae, ā, he mea kino tēnei ki tō hauora me tō pēpi. Kotahi i roto i te tini rangahau e whakaatu ana ko te ahotea i te wā e hapu ana he take mōrearea mō ngā hua kino mō ngā whaea me ngā tamariki. Hei karo i tēnei momo ahotea me te mamae o te ngākau i te wā e hapu ana, he mea pai kia arotakehia tō whanaungatanga.

3. Kāore pea ngā panonitanga o ngā tumanakohanga e tau pai

Ko tētahi o ngā wero i kōrerohia e tātou i mua ko te rerekētanga o ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga ina hapu koe. He uaua pea tēnei wero ki te wikitoria. Ki te kore tō hoa e urutau ki ēnei tumanakohanga hou, ka taea te waiho hei take mō te takahi i te whakaritenga.

Tērā pea ko ngā panonitanga o ngā tumanakohanga te āhua nei, engari kāore e mutu noa ki, ko te whakaatu a kōrua ko tō hoa i te tautoko nui atu ki ngā hiahia kua rerekē o tētahi ki tētahi, te tango a tō hoa i te kawenga nui ake, me te tiaki i a koe anō nui atu i tāu i taunga ai.

Tetahi momo whakarerekētanga, tetahi rānei te koretake o te whanaungatanga He uaua tēnei, ā, he uaua anō hoki tēnei. Ka taea e ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine te wikitoria i tēnei mā te kōrero pono, mā te rapu āwhina rānei i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. Engari ki te tīmata te taumaha rawa atu ki a koe, ā, kāore koe e kite i te whanaungatanga e neke atu ana i tēnei arai, ka taea e koe te whakaaro ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i a koe e hapu ana.

4. Te āhua tonu o te pouri i roto i te whanaungatanga

He mea noa te nekeneke haere o te wairua o te whanaungatanga i waenga i te harikoa me te manukanuka, engari kei te rapu take koe, tō hoa rānei, hei whakakore i a koe anō, hei whakaiti i a koe anō, hei whakaiti hoki i a koe anō i te kōrero? He tohu pea ēnei kei te pōuri te whanaungatanga.

Ki te kore koe e harikoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i a koe e hapu ana, he mea nui kia tātarihia te mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe, kātahi ka kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira, ka whakapā atu rānei ki tētahi kaitohutohu whanaungatanga. Engari ki te mea ahakoa ngā mahi katoa, kua kore koe e whai hua, ā, kei te pā kino te āhua o tō whanaungatanga ki a koe, kāore pea i te kino te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga.

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5. Te tukino ā-hinengaro, ā-tinana, ā-waha rānei

E ai ki he rangahau e ai ki te American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), kotahi i roto i te ono o ngā wāhine i tukinotia ka tukinotia i te wā e hapu ana. Neke atu i te 320,000 ngā wāhine e tukinotia ana e ā rātou hoa i te wā e hapu ana ia tau.

Ehara i te mea ka pā kino noa iho te tukino i a koe, engari ka taea hoki e te tukino te whakararu i tō pēpi kāore anō kia whānau. Ka taea e ia te arahi ki te materoto, te whānau wawe rawa o tō pēpi, te iti o te taumaha i te whānautanga, te āhua kino rānei o te tinana. He mea nui kia mōhio koe kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino.

Kia mōhio koe ki tēnei, kua oti i a koe te taahiraa tuatahi ki te rapu āwhina mō te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i a koe e hapu ana. Kōrero atu ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe. Kia whakapuakina ō whakaaro ki a rātou, tera pea ka taea e rātou te hono atu i a koe ki tētahi raina awhina mō ngā āhuatanga ohorere, ratonga āwhina ture, whare tiaki, wāhi haumaru rānei mō ngā wāhine i tukinotia.

Me pēhea te whakatau i te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana

He uaua ngā wehenga ahakoa kei te tumanako koe, kāore rānei ko ētahi he uaua ake te tango i te wehenga i ētahi atu. He tino uaua ake tēnei ina hapu koe nā te mea ka wehe koe i tō hoa rangatira, tae atu ki te mātua o tāu tamaiti. Tērā pea ka noho tonu rātou i roto i te oranga o tāu pēpi, ahakoa e pai ana koe, kāore rānei.

I kite a Anna i a ia e titiro matatau ana ki raro i te poka pōuri o te koretake i muri i te whakatau a tana hoa tāne ki te whakarērea i a ia me tā rāua tamaiti kāore anō kia whānau. Kāore i te ngāwari te aro atu ki te mooni o te wehenga i a ia e hapu ana me te noho tahi, engari i whakawhirinaki ia ki tana pūnaha tautoko, ā, i kitea he huarahi hei whakatau i te āhuatanga i te mea pai rawa atu i taea e ia. Nā tēnei tautoko i āwhina ia ia ki te neke mai i te "I whakarērea ahau e taku hoa tāne e hapu ana, ka hoki mai anō ia?" ki te "Kei te tū pakari ahau, ā, ka pai ahau". Kāore ia i tuku i te wheako o te whakarērea i a ia e hapu ana hei aukati i a ia me tana pēpi.

Kāore e taea te whakakore he uaua tēnei āhuatanga, ā, ka uaua te takahi i te wai i ētahi wā, engari kia mōhio koe he huarahi hei whakatau i te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i a koe e hapu ana, kia puta mai ai he māramatanga me te pai ake i te taha kē, pērā i a Anna. Kei raro nei ētahi huarahi hei whakatau i te taha ka taea e au te tautoko hei kaiwhakaora hinengaro:

1. Whakapaua tō wā ki te pouri

He mea nui kia hoatu e koe he wā ki a koe anō kia pouri ai. He wheako uaua te hāputanga tinana, te hāputanga hinengaro hoki. Nō reira, mā te wehenga o te hoa rangatira ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi ao tino rerekē i tāu i tumanako ai mōu ake me tō pēpi. Ka taea e tēnei te waiho i a koe kia raru i te whakaaro kua whakarērea koe i te wā e hāpu ana.

Tukua ō kare ā-roto kia rere, kia wātea hoki ki a koe anō te wā ki te tangi me te tukatuka i tō mate. Mahia ngā mea e whakaaro ana koe ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto. Kia noho puku koe i roto i te ipu aihikirīmi me te pouaka tauera i tō taha i a koe e mātakitaki ana i tētahi mea kare ā-roto. Tangi i runga i tō tūru, ā, whai wā ki te pai ake te ahua me te whakaae ki ngā mea kua pa.

Ki te uaua te whakatere i tēnei mate, whakapā atu ki tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakaoti i tēnei. Ki te rapu āwhina koe, he tohunga, he mātau hoki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro i te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mo koe.

2. Kia mataara ki ō pūtea

E mōhio ana ahau koinei te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatau ina kei roto koe i te raruraru hinengaro, engari he mea nui kia tirohia e koe tō āhua pūtea. He rerekētanga nui te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana koe, mai i te oranga i whakaarohia e koe mōu ake, ā, me whakarite kia kapi katoa ōu turanga.

Ka hanga e koe he kōhanga hei tiaki i tāu pēpi, ā, he mea mārama noa iho mēnā i muri i te wehenga, ka tatauhia e koe te nui o te moni e hiahiatia ana e koe hei whiwhi i te pumau me te mana motuhake.

Me whakarite hoki koe kei a koe tētahi mahi, ā, me mārama koe, me te whakamahi hoki i ngā whakaaetanga whānautanga e tukuna ana e tō kaitukumahi, me te kore e whakawhirinaki ki te tumanako ka pai tō hoa o mua ki te tautoko i a koe, i tāu tamaiti rānei.

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3. Whakawhirinaki ki tō pūnaha tautoko

He wheako mokemoke tēnei, ā, ko te huarahi pai ki te kimi whakamarie i tēnei wā ko te rapu kaha mā roto i tō pūnaha tautoko. Ka tukuna e ō whanaunga te tautoko tonu, mutunga kore i tēnei wā o te hiahia. Mā te kite i a rātou e manaaki ana i a koe ka pai ake tō wairua.

E ai ki te kōrero i mua ake nei, he nui te pānga o te ahotea ki te whaea e hapu ana me te pēpi. Nā reira, he mea nui kia rapu tautoko koe hei wāhanga o te tukanga whakaora o te wehengaE mārama ana ahau kei te hiahia pea koe ki te wehe atu i te taunekeneke ki tētahi atu, engari mā te noho tata ki te hunga e aroha ana ki a koe ka āwhina i a koe ki te ora. Ngāna kia tukuna rātou kia uru mai.

4. Whakaharatauhia ngā pūkenga arotau pai

He uaua te wehenga i te wā e hapu ana, ā, he kupu māmā noa iho tēnei. Kāore e taea e au te whakanui rawa i te kino o te ahotea mō te whaea e hapu ana me tana pēpi, nō reira, ināianei, nui atu i mua, he mea nui kia whakaharatau i ngā pūkenga pai ki te aro atu ki ngā raruraru.

Whakamātauria pea te whakakori tinana ngāwari hei āwhina i te tukunga o ngā endorphins, e mōhiotia ana ko ngā homoni harikoa. E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau me Te American Psychological Association e kōrero ana hoki me pēhea te whakapakari ake i te hauora hinengaro e te korikori tinana.

He āwhina anō hoki te whakaaroaro, te ako rānei i te toi o te manawa hōhonu. He whakaaro pai anō hoki te mahi yoga i te wā e hapu ana. He ako E whakaatu ana te yoga he tino whai hua te mahi hei whakapai ake i te hapūtanga me te hauora hinengaro whānui. Ahakoa he aha ō pūkenga hauora hei āwhina i a koe, whakamahia.

5. Kua tae ki te wā kia arotahi koe ki a koe anō me tō pēpi

Koinei pea tētahi o ngā wāhanga tino nui o tētahi wehenga, ā, kāore te hāputanga e whakarerekē i tēnā. Me tiaki e koe tō pēpi kāore anō kia whānau, engari me aro anō hoki koe ki a koe anō. Kia maumahara, mā te tiaki me te aro ki a koe anō ka āwhina i te hauora o te pēpi.

He uaua kia tukuna atu i muri i te wehengaKāore e taea e au te whakaaro i te kaha e hiahiatia ana hei mahi i tēnei mea i te wā e whakanuia ana e ngā homoni ō kare ā-roto katoa. Engari, kia maumahara, kāore koe e hiahia ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa ko koe anake, me tango te tautoko e hiahiatia ana e koe, me te haere tonu ki mua i ia taahiraa.

Ko te mea tino pai, me mātua e rua te pēpi kia ora ai. Engari ko te ao tūturu ehara i te mea tino pai. Ko te whakamutu i tō whanaungatanga i a koe e hapu ana pea koinei anake te huarahi mena kāore tō hoa e whakaae ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe, kāore rānei e piripono ki te whakaaro mō te mātua, kua mahi kino rānei.

Ka ako ngā tamariki i ō rātou kaitiaki. Mēnā ka kite te tamaiti i a koe i roto i tētahi hononga pouri, ka ako pea rātou he pai ki te whakararu i ō uara me ō hiahia kia mau tonu ai te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ko te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i te wā e hapu ana te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi, ki te mea he take āu, koinei pea te whakatau pai mōu me tō pēpi.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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